InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Now ❯ Now ( Chapter 1 )

I don't know how much longer I can hold out. It feels like a life time when I first came here. I was stupid. I thought that I could change everything and be a hero. Being a hero is so much harder than I thought.

 

Now I keep on asking myself why I tried in the first place. Honestly, have I even made a difference? Now Miroku, Sango, and Shippou are gone. They decided to stay at the village. Miroku and Sango are starting a family.

 

I told Shippou that I wanted him to stay with them because he should have a stable, stationary family again. The truth? I didn't want to have to carry the responsibility for him. I have become so selfish, as though there's a switch that has turned me onto saving myself. And the most pathetic part is that I don't have any reason to be so cold and alone.

 

Naraku is dead. Gone. Blown apart to pieces. And gone with him is a part of myself.

 

Kikyou is alive. Inuyasha is alive. Miroku, Sango, and Shippou are alive. But I feel as though they are all dead to me.

 

I wonder if any of them care about where I am. In those last moments of the battle, Naraku found the darkness within my heart. I never knew that I had so mush hate inside of me. It was as though he had taken Kanna's mirror, shattered it, and then thrust the broken edges of glass into my flesh. There was such pain. An explosion of miasma that rocketed in my veins and stole my breath. I realized how much I hated myself. That I was weak and dependent. All of the illusions and walls of normality broke down around me. I let go of all my power, hate, and love.

 

I don't remember what happened next. I know that Kikyou was trying to purify Naraku. I remember thinking “She was the greatest priestess of her time and I can't even aim. She should be the one to kill him.” Then I felt my soul begin to slip away. She became more and more powerful. With her last arrow she purified Naraku.

 

 

I had failed.

 

I was supposed to be the good girl. The prodigy. The miracle reincarnation. I wonder if this is how Kikyou felt when she was brought back. I am flesh and blood, but am about as useful as a clay pot.

 

 

I left the Shikon No Tama with her and Inuyasha. I couldn't look him in the eye. The ground before his feet became very interesting in that moment. All that I did was lean over and slip the prayer beads off of his neck. That was the only moment I allowed my self to feel. His bronzed skin, warm, musky scent made me tremble. I kissed his ear and whispered “goodbye.”

 

Then I jumped.