InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Broken Hearts and Renewal ❯ Think Happy Thoughts ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: Well I don't own Inuyasha so please don't sue.

A/N: So let's see. I've been getting some kind of problem about not being able to review my fic. Well I tried to find ways to see how to be able to because it seems that many of you can't review. Well For now you could just email me at khgurl20@sbcglobal.net or you could go to my authors profile and email me there. Either one. So that's all I've got to say. I'm sorry about that but oh well. It's not my fault or maybe I did something wrong? How should I know? Well please R/R!

Review ways:

I also got a note from Aurora_thorn! She's very smart and I'd like to thank her. She found out a way to access my review board!! YAY!! Well I just tried it myself. You go to google.com first. Then type Fuki-ti. (ya it's kinda funny that it got to my fic!) well you should click on the second one because the first one doesn't work. So mainly here are you're choices:

Email me at khgurl20@sbcglobal.net

Go to google.com

A) Type Fuki-ti.

B) Click on the second one.

Well thatz all.

HELP!:

Oh I was wondering if anyone would like to be a beta reader for my fics? It'd be a great help and in the plus side u get to read my fic before hand!! ^_^;;;; Sorry. Well please email me about if you would like to be a beta reader and review!!

~ Of Broken Hearts and Renewal~

Chapter 12: Think Happy Thoughts

"So what do I do, think happy thoughts?" Inuyasha asked indicating the certain rusty sword he had in hand. They had gone to Inuyasha's house to get his sword really quick and snuck quietly into the well house. Well what would you have done with a demon raged crazy gramps. They hopped into the well and returned to the Feudal Era.

"No,….um…...well maybe?"

" Okay…..Bunnies…..um…..blue sky's……getting stuck on a tropical island with 20 hot models….."

"You're such a perv."

" But you've got to admit. If you were a guy…..that's be heaven."

"Um….... Hello? If you haven't noticed, Inuyasha I'm a girl. Luckily I'm not hormonally not-able-to-control challenged."

" Okay, seriously. How do you make this work?"

"Okay you've got to protect someone."

" Okay. For instance since their isn't anyone else it will be poor defenseless Kagome." Inuyasha said mockingly.

"Fine let's just go get a demon to attack. And don't worry. I have my bow and arrows."

They entered the forest walking near to the tree where Inuyasha was pinned.

"So how do we get the demons to attack?" Inuyasha whispered, anxiety creeping.

"Well flap your hands around or something," Kagome whispered back. Inuyasha raised his eyebrow and gave her a yea-right-you've-got-to-be-shitting-me look.

"Well do something!"

"Okay…..Yo! You puny little demons! I'm the almighty Inuyasha and here's a girl who wants to kick your arses! So you can come out because this girls hella talking shit about all you!!"

" You stupid idiot!! They're fighting you!" Kagome hissed at him.

" Oh……..um…... oopsy? But you see it is a plus now I have ever so more a reason to protect you," Inuyasha shrugged using his illogical logic. Kagome gave him a dead panned look. Swarms of demons soon came into their view.

" Shoot! Inuyasha! I never meant a whole army of them! I meant just a few."

" Well you told me to get them here." Inuyasha fought back.

" Well go! Go kill them or something. Don't just stand there."

"Oh, I forgot to mention. How do I use this sword again? I have no clue."

" Oh Nevermind. Just wing your sword. Are you ready?" Kagome asked Inuyasha.

" Ready as I'll ever be."

" Oh you might want to return to your true form. You know, Hanyou? Just in case?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

" Oops. Slipped my mind?"

The fighting began. These were only lower class demons and Kagome stood by the sidelines directing Inuyasha. Who in turn was able to transform Tetsusaiga into its most powerful form. Inuyasha dodged and attacked well for the lower class demons. Then a middle class demon came.

" Eh Kagome? Isn't this demon….oh I don't know…..a bit stronger than the others?"

" Oh well, I see it's quite giving you a sweat. Okay do you smell or sense your demon aura's clashing?"

" Um I don't have time to do that, Kagome!" Inuyasha said while managing to dodge some attacks.

" Trust me! Close your eyes."

Inuyasha closed his eyes. Yeah. Like Kagome said. It seemed so familiar to him. He knew before Kagome told him that he had to swing at the collision of the two demonic auras. He swung but that's when the images flitted past his closed eyes.

^__^

Inuyasha guessed that probably he passed out or something and now was in lala land because for some idiotic reason he was in a different place then he remembered when he was awake.

For some cruel reason he was in another battle this time with an even tougher demon. Except for some odd unexplainable reason the body he was in was his except he was wearing different clothing but it seemed as if he was another "being" inhabiting this body. Or more likely studying in the eyes of the body. This body felt so familiar but at the same time different. This being that he took as his past self as Inuyasha was fighting Sesshoumaru except this Sesshoumaru was a bit…. heartless. He was so unlike the caring Sesshoumaru that Inuyasha didn't even got to see that side often.

He could tell this was the first time he was wielding Tetsusaiga by the way it felt unfamiliar to him. Inuyasha looked as He futilely attempted to kick the true form of Sesshoumaru's ass. As the images came by he saw Kagome. He protected her from the true form of Sesshoumaru. Images flew by but still he could not really know what he was seeing. He tried to focus on one scene that sparked his interest but it became cloudier. He knew that when he was to wake up he'd only remember a few or forget all this all together.

Then the scene where he used the same attack he used on the second-class demon came. It seemed as if his soul wanted to remember everything once more but something kept suppressing it. Some force didn't want him to remember. Maybe it was his will because what if when this Inuyasha Kagome loved came back.

What if he remembered? What would happen to him then? Would he be the same? Would he lose himself? Would Kagome love only her Inuyasha and not this Inuyasha? For when the images passed by he felt what his past felt for Kagome. The same he felt for her now. He loved her. He loved her so much he'd give himself up for her happiness. That's what scared him. Never in his life had he loved someone so deeply. Even his past never had.

Then thoughts came in as he stopped putting all his concentration on witnessing his past forgotten memories. They stopped suddenly and he realized that that was the end. His past was gone. Literally. If he tried to remember he could remember faintly and he knew that when he returned he could not bear to tell Kagome what he remembered because when he woke up he would not remember.

He realized he was lost. The grayness of his background as he floated in his lost and memories were the symbol of his lost. He had so much time to think, eternity. He knew he was not dead. He could tell that he was breathing and hear his heart beating. No, right now he was gone for just a while.

So was he only the barrier between Kagome and her love? Was he just some kind of replacement? No, Kagome wouldn't. He remembered that she told him what she felt like with Kikyou. She said she would never feel this way to him. She thought it was unfair. And this feeling was unfair. He loved Kagome. But he was lost. Would he give up everything, even his love for her just to let her be happy? It was not a hard question.

The answer would be yes. Yes he would give up all his hopes and dreams for her to be happy. Yes he'd give up his love for her so that the past would be remembered and she could be happy. But would he just fade away after? No he was the same person as Inuyasha. It was just he lost his memories. But yes…..He'd lose himself just for her.

People say love hurts. He would agree with that. People say living is a very hard task. Yes, he believed that. But Death is hard also. Just that his love could not die. The burning blaze would soon amount to nothing but a small flicker but never distinguish. So he could not do that for Kagome. He could love her form afar.

He would fade away and love her from afar.

That's all he could do, anyways.

^__^

( Okay so now suddenly this fic is getting a bit OOC. Sorry! But you see wouldn't you wander if you were really you and not just some lost memoried person? I mean seriously. He can't go around without a care. Wouldn't he end up thinking the same thoughts as Kagome would about Kikyou?)

Inuyasha woke up and blinked. He stared at a wooden roof that seemed quite familiar and sat up quickly. Where was he now? He tried to remember what he dreamt but his mind was all jumbled.

He would fade away and love her from afar.

That's all he could do, anyways.

What had happened? He blinked a couple of times. It felt like he had amnesia but except he remembered everythi.ng one moment he remembered the next he lost it all once again. Where the hell was he? He could hear slight humming by his side. Someone was grasping his hand.

" Inuyasha! You're awake! Are you okay?" It was Kagome and her face showed concern. How he wished for her to love him like she did for his past self.

" W-what happened Kagome?" Inuyasha asked quietly more too himself. He could taste the remains of a bitterroot tea.

" You fainted after you disintegrated the rest of the demons. You used the full attack of the Tetsusaiga but somehow it was either too much for you or something but you fainted. There were minor demons left though but I took care of that. I dragged you back to Kaede's village. We're in her hut now. You healed pretty fast. It's just been forty-five minutes."

"Kagome……..What time is it?" Inuyasha asked still not making eye contact with her.

" Well it's almost eleven." Kagome aid after checking her wristwatch.

"I think we better go home." Inuyasha said getting up. He felt the light giddiness of lying down to long but it was quickly over. Yea the sooner the better I can get away so I don't have to feel all of this lost.

Kagome looked uncertain but helped him up. She wondered why he was suddenly so quiet and distant towards her. He wasn't making any eye contact. What happened to him when he was unconscious?

On their way out they met Kaede who was picking some medical herbs.

"Lady Kaede, we're leaving now. It seems that Inuyasha is fine. Thank you very much," Kagome bowed.

" Ah yes. Inuyasha let me get a quick look. I wouldn't like feeling guilty and worried if I didn't." Kaede mentioned Inuyasha to come closer to her. She checked hi mover as Kagome made pleasant conversation.

"So have Sango and Miroku come back from their quest?"

"Aye, no child. I'm afraid they're still out there battling Naraku and searching for the Shikon jewels. But I do wish they'd come. What a sight they'd be when they realize Inuyasha has come back." Kaede mused.

" Yea, I hope they come back soon. Has word been sent about their return?"

"Not of yet. Inuyasha since I see you're okay ye may go now." (nnggggggg……..I can't write ye, aye, and olden day words too much!!!! But it's like Kaede's the only one speaking that in the whole entire series!! TG!!!!)

"Goodbye Kaede. I'll come back sometime later" kagome bowed once more.

"Bye." Inuyasha muttered.

" Have a good night you too."

They walked back to the well quietly for a period of time before Kagome broke the silence.

" Inuyasha. What did you see when you were unconscious? What happened?"

" What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb. What happened? You're not making any eye contact with me. It's like you're avoiding me."

" I'm not avoiding you." Inuyasha said with conviction.

" Inuyasha why are you five feet away from me then?"

" Fine. You want to know what happened? Well I just realized something. I don't remember. I don't remember anything. And I think I don't want to. I forgot what I saw but I remembered this stupid piece of shit that I don't want to remember."

"What do you mean? What did you see?"

" I forgot what I saw but I remember what I felt." Inuyasha spat out bitterly. He did not want to remember this pain. This feeling of lost and loneliness. Funny Inuyasha wryly thought. Kagome had gone through the same thing yesterday except this situation was different. She was one person with her own memories. His were of two people and one body. Oh the irony.

"What happened to you?" Kagome asked earnestly and intently once more.

"It's just I don't want to lose you." Inuyasha whispered and spat out. Kagome didn't quite catch what he said. He walked faster towards the well.

" Inuyasha! Listen to me! Remember the promise we made? We'd help each other out? Well I'm here to help." Kagome reasoned with him. She grabbed his arm, which went rigid then slack. They had just stopped infront of the well.

" I realized something. I saw something that I can't remember. I just don't know…. I forget. But I realized that maybe I'm not who you think I am. I don't remember who Inuyasha was. I'm not the old Inuyasha. Don't get me wrong. I mean we're the same body and soul. Just that we're different. WE each have different memories. I don't know what to make of that but…..I'm at a lost here Kagome." Inuyasha looked at Kagome with the most lost eyes she had ever seen. She looked at him straight in the eyes and there was her answer.

Kagome realized that he thought that if his past memories came back that she would only love his past not him as of now. And she guessed he was right. She loved his past but she loved his new memories also. She loved him because he was the same soul she fell inlove with. Just that this Inuyasha just had lost his memories.

Kagome hugged him.

"Inuyasha, don't worry. No matter what I'll always care for you. Maybe I just need a little more time getting over your lost past but remember. You're the same person. Don't worry yourself out."

Inuyasha stared wide-eyed as she embraced him, his arms stayed mid-aired in half embrace/half slack. Except he could not bring himself to hug her back. Maybe because he wasn't ready. Maybe he still needed to find out who he was. He felt he was double-crossing his ownself. Like he was going behind an old friend's back. But…. Someday Kagome, he vowed silently to himself. Some day I will find the courage to embrace you. But I will never find the strength to erase you.

Kagome looked up at him and smiled. He smiled faintly back. They jumped into the well hand in hand.

(awwwww. Fluff!! See this author isn't all in depressing scenes. Remember. Depressing scene= good future fluff scenes. Just something to keep in mind. Yes and the lovey doveyness is coming pretty quick but the supposedly know each other for years. Remember past and future. )

^__^

Kagome entered her house and bent down to take off her shoes. She Shouted a quick , "I'm home!" while bending down taking off her shoes. She hummed happily as she went over in her mind the past few hours. She smiled.

She looked up after taking off her shoes and saw her teary red puffed up eyed mom. Her mother was sniffling and she could tell she had been crying.

"Hey Mom. Why-" Kagome heard a sniffle from the stairs and turned her head to see Souta there also sniffling and tear filled eyes.

"Souta? What wrong? Mom? Why are you all crying?" Kagome questioned. Souta ran down the stares and hugged his sister has new sobs came and his tears melded into her blouse. She bent down and hugged him, trying to comfort him.

"Souta, there there. It's okay." Kagome counseled her brother. "Mom what's the matter? Where's gramps? Is he okay? Did something happen to him? Or is it one of your soaps?" Kagome filled with dread at what her mother was about to tell her. A million possibilities and questioned flitted past Kagome's mind.

" Kagome, you're-you're father. He's…he's…gone…" Her mother told her between tears.

Kagome stared blankly at her mother for a couple of seconds then, " Oh." Kagome said Plainly. She patted her brother on the head and walked normally to her room.

^__^

So…………….The evil Suki and her cliffy!!!! Oh the agony!!! Well please email me about what u think of this fic so far or review. So you're probably wondering why Kagome didn't burst out into tears or your thinking oh she's just in shock.

Note, she's not all in shock. Seriously you would start bursting off into tears if your someone close to you died. This is the secret. The next few chapters *HINT**HINT* will explain this. I'm hinting so you better keep this in mind! Well the next few chapters will explain. Yes, I'm sorry but hey. I want to see what happens. Seriously, sometimes it's like I'm reading someone's else's fic and I have no clue what the hells going to happen. I get so into it sometimes. Ha!! Talk about a dumbass. Well please R/R!! Also if anyone would like to help me with my fic and be a beta reader?? I already have what I planned but suggestions and tips are very welcomed. Just not very mean, mean flames. So anyone out there to help a helpless authoress?

Furi-ki: No one!!! Don't you dare!! You better not!!! Or else I swear you're dead!!

Fuka-ki: Yea!! Don't you dare help the bitch!! She's locked a medical nurse in a mental's section and pretended to be a head nurse for a week! We were there!! We helped!!! And in the end she locked us up in it also!! That big fat smelly ugly nurse tortured us too!

Furi-ki: you don't know what shit she fed us!!! It was agony!!! Barely any dove bars.

Don't you dare listen to them!!! They're evil I tell yea!! Evil!!!

R/R!!!

~Suki` (*mutters**grumbles* I'll just bring you to the vets again……*laughs menacingly*)