InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 9: Equilibrium ( Chapter 9 )

Great thanks to Merith for the beta and Everstar for ... well, everything else. ;)

Chapter 9: Equilibrium

"Sesshoumaru-sama, you're leaving again?"

The youkai lord sighed. "Yes, Rin."

The child regarded the demon with expressive eyes. "You have not found it yet?"

Sesshoumaru's jaw tightened. "No, Rin. I have not located... it... yet." In the six months since Teles' departure, he had hunted through every inch of the countryside to no avail. He had, of course, gone to Ryujin immediately, only to find out what he already knew - Teles was gone. And the water-god would not tell him where she had gone.

He was left with no choice but to search everywhere. Once he had scoured all of Japan, he headed west and searched every coastline and body of water he could find - all without result. Eventually he headed to the southern lands, but the goddess was nowhere to be found. The only thing he had learned for certain was that there was a great deal of salt water in the world, and it was nearly impossible to separate Teles' scent from that of the water.

It was time to shift his search eastward.

If he were to be completely honest with himself, Sesshoumaru would have had to admit that his behavior had by now surpassed the absurd. Clearly, the goddess did not want to see him, else she would not have hidden herself so well. Ryujin had assured him that she fully intended to return, but the demon lord did not want to wait until she did.

He wanted answers. He demanded them.

If she is to tell me that I am a loathsome creature, then she will say those words to my face.

***

Teles strolled alongside the goddess sisters, the three of them lost in thought.

"Teles," Hi'iaka murmured, breaking the companionable silence, "as much as my sister and I have come to enjoy your presence here, I do have to wonder..."

"Yes?" Teles responded, pausing to pluck a purple hibiscus from a nearby plant.

"This one you're hiding from... How horrible is he that you need to conceal yourself for so long?"

Teles sighed. "I never claimed that he was horrible."

"No, just arrogant, insufferable, supercilious... Have I forgotten anything?" the goddess asked, violet eyes twinkling.

"I'm sure you have, Hi'iaka," she replied with a grin. "In truth, I..." Teles paused thoughtfully. She had found some manner of peace on the islands, but was still plagued by her conflicting thoughts about Sesshoumaru. He'd been in her thoughts far too often than was comfortable. Often, while alone at night trying to sleep, she'd fancied that she had felt his presence. It had alarmed her at first, but she slowly got used to the sensation. Teles sighed. "I'm simply not ready yet." That much was true. She had no idea how she was going to return, especially after an absence such as this one.

"Males are beasts," Hi'iaka sniffed.

Pele regarded the shorter goddess, not bothering to conceal her smile. "And that is why you take such pains to surround yourself with them. Is that it, sister?"

"Well that's different," the goddess replied. "They are devotees," she said, smiling. "When you rule the hills, land, cliffs, and caves, men tend to appeal to you."

Pele shook her head, offering a wry grin. "You have their love, sister. I prefer their respect."

***

Sesshoumaru was very nearly ready to turn back - there appeared to be nothing more than water for as far as he could see. Just as he was ready to do so, he saw a small speck on the horizon. What first appeared to be one island soon showed itself to be a cluster of smaller isles. He drew closer, narrowing his eyes as he scrutinized the land. The islands appeared, for the most part, to be heavy with lush vegetation. That would hinder his search somewhat, but the size of the islands, in comparison to the vast areas of land he'd been searching until now, was significantly smaller. Perhaps he would be able to return to the den sooner than he had anticipated.

Slowly, the islands grew larger as they came into view and Sesshoumaru could see that brilliant white beaches outlined several islands while a few had black sand on their shores. He was noting the brilliance of the ocean when a sudden, unexpected rush of adrenaline flew through his veins. The sensation startled him, causing him to dip slightly in the air. As he recovered himself, he became slowly aware of something - invisible tendrils, curling around him, teasing him...

The sensation was strange, but not entirely foreign.

A small, satisfied smile formed. Perhaps this search would not be fruitless after all.

***

Teles blinked, trying to listen as Hi'iaka chattered animatedly. She heard the goddess' words, but could not find it in herself to concentrate. The familiar twinge in her chest paired with an equally as familiar shiver drove the water goddess to distraction. No. It is merely an illusion. If I will it to stop, it will stop. He couldn't possibly have found me. He couldn't possibly be looking for me. She inhaled deeply and tried to push the sensation from her mind.

When Hi'iaka grew quiet, Teles forced her eyes open. Both Pele and her sister were still sitting on the soft sand with her, but they seemed to be aware of something else. Anxiety clutching at her chest, Teles turned and followed their gaze. When she saw what had captured their attention, Teles felt ill suddenly, as if the air had seeped out of her lungs. If she hadn't already been seated, she might have fallen. No. No, not here, not now. Not here, not now!

"Good day, Teles. I trust you are well?"

Teles stared in disbelief at Sesshoumaru, dread pooling in her stomach. "Oh, gods damn it all."

Hi'iaka blinked at the newcomer before looking back at Teles, more than a little surprised at her outburst. "I take it he is the one?"

Teles nodded mutely.

The violet-eyed goddess lowered her voice conspiratorially. "You ran away from him?"

In an attempt to recover her scattered savoir-faire, Teles lifted her chin slightly. "You do not know him like I do."

Lips curling into a smirk, Hi'iaka glanced again at the youkai, her eyes raking over him appraisingly. "Pity."

Sesshoumaru cleared his throat, his eyes on Teles. Six moons on the island had treated her well. Her skin was bronzed and her normally dark hair seemed to be threaded with gold. She had eschewed her white sheath for two pieces of material the color of fish scales. A narrow piece bound her breasts while the other, longer piece of material was wrapped about her waist. "You barely know me at all -- you left too quickly."

"Some of us wouldn't be so foolish," Hi'iaka said, arching an eyebrow.

Teles glared at the goddess. "I thought you were on my side."

Pele sighed and placed a hand on her sister's arm. "Stop teasing her."

Hi'iaka folded her arms over her chest with an aggrieved sigh. "Oh, all right."

Something inside of Teles' chest had tightened and her heart was beating erratically. He was here. He had come to look for her. It was difficult to ignore the surge of hope that came with that realization. Swallowing hard, she regarded Sesshoumaru coolly. "I had my reasons for leaving, Lord Sesshoumaru," she said smoothly, tilting her chin upwards.

The demon lord sent her a bland look. "You left because I am a full-blooded youkai, and your lineage frowns on it."

Standing, Pele approached Sesshoumaru. "Regardless of her reasons, she is here now, and under our protection," she said calmly.

Sesshoumaru deferred to the goddess and bowed deeply. "Forgive me, Lady Goddess. I have only come to these lands in search of my mate."

There was a beat of silence during which Teles blinked, not sure she heard correctly. "I beg your pardon?"

Hi'iaka leaned in close to Teles, her voice a bare whisper. "You left that part out. I think that's a little detail you wouldn't have wanted to leave out."

The water goddess turned to stare at her. "But I'm NOT his mate!"

"Yes, you are," the youkai said reasonably. "Lady Goddess," he said, looking again at Pele, "if Teles is under your protection, I believe you are the first one I am required to approach."

Pele regarded the creature before her, scrutinizing him. "Approach for what purpose? She is welcome to stay as long as she likes, as long as she observes the protocol." It was considered bad form for visiting deities to appeal to their hosts' devotees. Such poaching was frowned upon by gods and goddesses, and was grounds for the visiting deity's immediate dismissal from the lands

"I merely request a moment of privacy with my mate."

Pele was quiet, giving the request thought. Finally, she nodded. "Fair enough." She turned to Hi'iaka. "Come along, sister."

"Do we have to?"

"He has asked to be alone with our guest and I have granted his request. Come." Pele took Hi'iaka's arm and gently led her away, leaving demon and goddess alone with each other.

"Your mate, eh?" Teles regarded Sesshoumaru for a long moment before finally sighing. "So, you found me."

The youkai was still for a moment before nodding. "I did."

"I didn't think you would," the goddess murmured, standing and brushing the sand from the sarong. The heavy feeling in her chest was too much to bear, and looking at him only seemed to make it worse. Time had not erased the feel of his hands against her skin.

He watched her as she avoided his eyes, and for the first time Sesshomaru felt a tiny niggling of doubt. "It was more of a challenge than I had anticipated." One that, perhaps, I should not have followed through with.

A mirthless smile formed at her lips as she finally looked at him, meeting the familiar amber eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"You knew I would try to find you. Do not pretend otherwise," Sesshoumaru said pointedly.

She stood, her arms at her sides. He was still several yards from her, but the fact that he was there and almost within reach made Teles' hands twitch until she clenched them. "I really didn't. I thought you would be too angry." The sensation that had always alerted her to his presence had practically overtaken her. Now, even after six months, she found herself still intrigued by him and, more to the point, still wanting him. Any measure of peace she had gained during her stay on the island was washed away in his company. Exhaling softly, she folded her arms and took a few steps toward the water.

The youkai stared at her, the object of his arduous search. He had grown so used to not finding her, Sesshoumaru was not sure what to do now that he had. Obviously, picking her up and forcibly dragging her back to the den - though an appealing option - was not a realistic one. "I did not say I was not angry. But I found that other factors came first."

With a sigh, Teles turned to face the ocean. The sight of him was too painful. She was not ready for this, to be confronted by him now. "How did you find me?"

"Dogged persistence." He winced inwardly at the unintentional pun. What this woman has brought me to....

Teles looked at him, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "Did..." No, it's not possible. "Did you just make a joke?"

Lifting an eyebrow, he regarded her. "That would require a sense of humor, which, I believe you have pointed out, I lack," he said dryly, a small smile teasing at the corners of his mouth.

Teles lifted her chin regally. "I've said nothing of the sort. I'll grant you, I thought that you were in dire need of a sense of humor, but I never said such a thing."

He took a step closer to her, finally able to differentiate her scent from that of the salt air around them. "Am I not dull?" he asked, his voice low.

Swallowing against the heady rush that the sound of his voice was causing, Teles smiled at him imperiously. "You are a great many things, Sesshoumaru, but if you were dull, I never would have called you down from the sky."

He focused on her, noting the movement at her throat, the way her heart was thudding mercilessly. "Many things, hmmm? Is unpleasant among these things? Or, more to the point, unpleasing?"

The goddess rolled her eyes dismissively. "Why do you ask me such a question?" she asked impatiently.

When he spoke, his voice was calm and reasonable. "I merely wish to ascertain your reasons for leaving. More to the point, I wish to hear them in your own words."

Growing still, the goddess blinked. "And you believed that I left because I found you... unpleasing?"

The youkai shrugged gracefully. "It occurred to me."

Teles did not answer right away. Instead, she kept her eyes on the ocean in front of her, drawing internal strength from the soothing waves. "You were wrong," she said, her voice low.

Sesshoumaru clamped down on the smugness that blossomed in his chest. "Ah. So I am not dull, nor unpleasant, nor unpleasing. Then... why did you leave?"

"I needed to be sure."

The demon lord took another step closer. "Sure of what?"

She found that she still could not look at him. Teles was silent while she gathered the strength necessary to say the words she needed to say. Licking her lips, she made the words come. "You are a youkai."

His earlier smugness dissipated slightly. Keeping his features neutral, Sesshoumaru nodded once. "So I am." That damnable ache that was becoming more and more familiar where the goddess was concerned had returned. He hated that she could cause such pain with nothing more than mere words. He would have gladly taken any of her physical assaults over the words she had just said. Fighting -- battle was what he knew. This was wholly unfamiliar territory, and it left the demon lord off-balance.

Tightening her jaw, Teles closed her eyes. She had said the first part -- the easy part. What came next was far more difficult to say, partially due to the fact that she didn't belive it. "And thus beneath me." Her voice reflected nothing of the superiority the words held. Instead, her voice sounded thick and raw, foreign to her own ears.

"I see." Stung, he stepped back. It had been the first conclusion he had drawn, but he was not pleased to see that it was the correct conclusion.

"And yet..." Teles licked her lips and snuck a glance at him. He was watching her, waiting patiently. "And yet," a faint blush started to creep her up neck "I allowed you... I allowed you to..." She shook her head, struggling with words that pride would not allow her to say. Finally: "I allowed you to dominate me. A goddess, willingly giving in and submitting..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "It is unheard of."

"Not among youkai."

"But Sesshoumaru, I am not a youkai. It is not my way."

His expression remained calm, reasonable... logical. "But you are my mate."

Shaking her head in frustration, Teles glared at him. "You keep saying that. Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because it is true. Whether you wish it to be or not, it is the truth."

Sighing hard, Teles pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sesshoumaru... gods, goddesses... we don't... 'mate.'" No, we join with whoever triggers the whim. We pair enthusiastically and indiscriminately. Husbands and wives alike know nothing of fidelity. I cannot be your mate, Sesshoumaru. Why can't you understand this?

When his response came, it was almost inaudible. "You did."

Making an annoyed sound in the back of her throat, she rolled her eyes heavenward. "How? How could I have if I wasn't even aware of it?"

Arching an eyebrow, he gave her a wry look. "You seemed quite aware at the time."

Teles shrugged. "That was sex. It's not necessarily forever. Forever is too long to be bound by sex."

The demon lord looked at her for several long minutes. Did she truly not understand such a concept? "Sex is... where it begins. But..." Sesshoumaru turned his attention to the vast ocean. His words were too difficult to say while looking at her. "It takes hold of you. You believe that you are a whole creature, until you find your mate. Then you realize that your skin knows the touch of that other's skin, that your flesh knows the touch of hers, before it even happens. There is an emptiness that is not filled, without one's mate. And when it is filled..." he shrugged. "It isn't something we argue with, we youkai. Even my brother struggles with it, in his own way. It surmounts his human blood."

Stunned, Teles found she could do little more than stand in stunned silence. He had never said so much in one sitting before. Then again, that might have been because he was too busy trying to defeat me before.

Clearing his throat, he studiously kept his eyes from her face. "I do not know why it is you. I only know that it is."

Silence hung between them for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Teles snuck a sidelong glance at the youkai and swallowed hard before looking back out at the ocean. "I will be further ostracized from my clan. I will never be allowed to return, Sesshoumaru. Being your mate means that I give up... everything.

Sesshoumaru's jaw tightened as he thought about her words and their weight. He was not comforted.

A long, tense silence followed. Exhaling softly, Teles glanced again at the youkai standing beside her, her mind replaying his earlier words. "Ah yes, your brother..." The goddess gave a half-smile. "He is a strange creature."

Pulled from his thoughts, the demon lord gave a dismissive gesture. "I was merely trying to demonstrate the strength of this... instinct."

She nodded. "You are very lucky to have a brother, Sesshoumaru."

"And such a brother," he responded darkly, finally looking at her. As if suddenly realizing what they were talking about, a frown formed at his forehead. "When did you meet my brother?"

Teles shrugged, waving vaguely. "Our paths crossed."

Sesshoumaru slowly walked closer to her. "You were strolling around, found a hanyou, and said to yourself, 'Ah, he must be related to Sesshoumaru?'"

Squaring her shoulders, Teles cleared her throat and sent him arch look. "I was... I had been summoned by Ryujin, and was returning from his castle. I... I sensed you. At least, I believed it was you. I believed you were... in danger. It was not you, but your brother." She paused. "I can feel your life force. I know when you're near."

He blinked. "Indeed."

"But it was not you -- it was your brother. The feel of his life force is remarkably similar to yours." Looking over at Sesshoumaru, Teles regarded him with a pained look. "Why do you desire to shed his blood?"

The youkai eyed her. "And why do you think I desire to kill him?"

"I do not 'think' you desire to kill him. He told me himself."

Lifting his chin a fraction of an inch, Sesshoumaru glared at her. "Why were you talking to him?"

She met his glare with a level look. "He was attempting to challenge me."

Sesshoumaru's mouth twitched in response. "Ah. That. That's how you knew he was my brother?" he asked mildly. "'He's attacking me... he must be related to Sesshoumaru.'"

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "No, I felt your... your blood in him. I just... knew. The ears were clue enough that he was not you. I merely asked him to share information on you, and he decided to challenge me to a battle. I refused, of course -- I shudder to imagine what I would have done to the child. His priestess intervened. Thankfully."

He nodded, turning his attention back to the sea. "She defends him well, for all that it annoys him."

"When asked about you, he said that you were a... 'son of a bitch who dresses funny and keeps trying to fucking kill me.'"

Sesshoumaru exhaled in a snort. "He exaggerates. I haven't tried to kill him in well over six months."

The goddess arched an eyebrow at him.

The demon met her expression with one of his own. "I was busy."

"I fail to understand why you wish to kill him at all," Teles said softly.

"And I fail to understand why you are concerning yourself with my familial squabbles."

Teles gave a hoarse chuckle. "Sesshoumaru, I have been forced to live without kin for almost two centuries. I envy you your familial 'squabbles.'"

His eyes softened a bit. "I see." He watched her carefully, finally able to understand why she seemed to be sympathetic to his half-brother. Sesshoumaru cleared his throat. "As to why I wish to kill him..." Stepping further away, Sesshoumaru's voice grew cold. "He is half-human. Our father disgraced our bloodline with his mother. He is a hanyou. Thus he is... beneath me."

Teles' head jerked in his direction. Eyes widening, she asked very, very softly, "I beg your pardon?"

The youkai barely spared her a glance. "A lower creature. Non-youkai. Beneath me."

She stared at him. "You are a hypocrite."

This news apparently astounded him, because he looked at her as though he had not heard her correctly. "I?"

She turned suddenly, eyes blazing with anger. "Yes. You, sir. Gods, for as long as there have been gods, have held demons in contempt. My clan would disown me if I were to accept being your mate. I would be cast from Olympus forever, with no opportunity to return. Your blood threatens to soil our line." Teles' voice slowly rose as her temper flared. "And yet you come to me with such audacity as to state that I am your mate, and should simply accept that? And you -- you, who have kin... You desire to spill his blood because you feel that he is beneath you? You are a hypocrite!"

Unable to ignore the force with which her words sliced through him, Sesshoumaru turned away. "You have a point," he said frostily.

Teles saw his reaction and clenched her jaw; her words had wounded him. No, I can't take it back now. "If I were to accept you, Sesshoumaru," she said, the fire draining from her tone, "if I were to consent to be your mate... do you not realize that our children would be hunted mercilessly by Olympian gods and goddesses alike? A demon demi-god is... it is blasphemous. They would never permit a child of ours to live."

Closing his eyes, Sesshoumaru nodded slowly. "And, of course, the shame visited upon you for bearing such an abomination. Both by your kin and yourself." He had tried to keep his tone neutral, but the last word felt like it had been burned from him.

Sighing heavily, Teles sat down in the sand and drew her knees up. She glanced up at him - she could not stand that he wouldn't look at her. When she finally spoke, her voice was small. "I would not shame myself."

He gave a harsh laugh. "Have you not already?"

The goddess inhaled deeply. She was suddenly tired. "I did not leave you because I was ashamed."

"You yielded to a lesser creature, against the customs and practices of your people. You insist on flinging these arguments at me at every opportunity, reminding me that your people would find me contemptuous, filthy. You fled our ma-- You ran away after we had sex. I am only a youkai, madam, but I do, eventually, take a hint," he said bitterly.

The ache in his voice stung her to the core. Licking her lips, she chose her words very carefully. "I left, Sesshoumaru, because I needed to be sure that I was willing to accept ostracism for you. I am immortal. Forever is a very long time. If you were to change your mind-"

Sesshoumaru wheeled on the goddess in a rage. "Do you think I could ask you to humiliate yourself like that? I want a MATE, not a groveling creature with a broken will!"

"Is that what you think that makes me? You think that for me to CHOOSE to accept ostracism, to CHOOSE to be disowned by my kin renders me with a 'broken will'? You think that by choosing to let them disown me that I am debased?" She could see his expression grow stormy as he opened his mouth to interrupt. Teles cut him off with a venomous glare. "This is MY choice, Sesshoumaru, and damn anyone who tries to take that choice away from me!"

"You speak of choices," he hissed, "but you seem all too willing to make a foolish one."

Foolish? He dares to call my decisions foolish? Teles stood suddenly and stalked up to him, stabbing her finger into his chest. "You have NO idea what this kind of decision entails! You claim that what you want is a mate - what kind of 'mate' would acquiesce to her elders without giving any thought whatsoever as to whether she AGREED with them or NOT?" She stopped suddenly, breathing heavily. Her eyes were still blazing with righteous indignation, but she turned away and walked slowly toward the water before stopping and folding her arms over her chest, staring out at the ocean. Teles closed her eyes and inhaled a calming breath. "There is another reason why I left."

"Which was?" he asked, his voice a low growl.

"I have been around for many years, Sesshoumaru. I have, in the course of my existence, taken many lovers. But..." she looked down, wanting to say the words, but battling with what remained of her pride. "But I had never experienced... that before. I was unprepared for the... force behind my emotions for you."

Sesshoumaru gave a short bark of sarcastic laughter. "Loathing?"

"No, not loathing."

"Disgust? Resentment?" The words sounded like they were being torn from his throat. "I'm trying to remember all of the words I've applied to humans over the ages; there are so many of them, after all," he said, his voice dripping with scorn. He could not bear this for very much longer. Sesshoumaru had known that if he'd been able to find her, their conversation would not be pleasant. He had known that a great many ugly truths were going to make their way to the surface. He had known all of these things and had attempted to prepare himself for all of them. But for all of his preparation, he found himself vulnerable to her words. He hated it.

Teles' chest tightened and she swallowed against the sensation. She wanted so badly to reach up and touch him, but the gesture would have been interpreted as pity, and would have been rejected instantly. "I cannot loathe you. Nor can I be disgusted by you or resent you."

"Forgive me, madam," he hissed, "for attempting to put words in your mouth. It won't happen again." Steeling himself, Sesshoumaru turned and offered the goddess a mocking bow.

Teles found she could not look at him; his anger, his resentment were too painful to hear - she did not want to see the expression on his face. She stared back out at the horizon. "I cannot... cannot loathe you, Sesshoumaru, because... I found myself... falling in love with you." Her words were heavy and raw. Teles had hoped that saying them might have eradicated the unending ache in her chest, but it only seemed to make her feel worse.

He bared his teeth at her, his words wrenched out. "Don't LIE to me. Do anything you like, only don't LIE."

Teles' voice was a bare whisper. "I have never lied to you."

Sesshoumaru's jaw tightened. "I am only a youkai, so I am uncertain of these things: Do your people love? Can they?" he asked resentfully. The idea that she could love him - that it was the truth and not some falsehood spawned by misplaced pity... The demon lord did not want to contemplate the possibility because it was too, too appealing. It was far more believable to think that she was lying to him - at least he could hate her for that. As it stood now, he could only hate what affect she had on him.

The goddess flinched at the sarcasm and bitterness in his tone. She had often wondered about it herself. She'd taken human lovers in the past, but had never loved them. They had been a way to pass the time - playthings. They had never made her feel - much less make her feel like this. "I was unaware that I could feel love... for another being, at least. I love the water and its creatures. I feel love for my kin - there is even a small amount of love for the Sirens. I can feel, Sesshoumaru. I am able to feel hate and jealousy, anguish and happiness... I can experience boredom, annoyance and fear... I can only deduce that I am capable of love."

He sneered at her. "Perhaps it's contamination from spending too much time with lesser creatures."

She did not flinch at his tone; he was angry, and rightfully so. She had insulted him deeply -- to insult such a proud creature was not without certain repercussions. "That is not so." Her voice was clear, her response unwavering. "Hera's jealousy banished me. My father's affection for me aided in his decision to appeal to her for my reinstatement. Aphrodite is our goddess of love. My people can love." I think...

Stopping for a moment, Sesshoumaru looked at Teles, as if seeing her for the first time. "There is a chance you will return to your homeland?

The goddess offered a graceful shrug. "A slim chance. Hera's vindication knows no bounds. My father and several other gods and goddesses would like to see me return to Olympus. It hinges solely on her decision."

Moving faster than the goddess had ever seen him move before, Sesshoumaru seized her by the shoulders and lifted her up off of the ground, roaring at her. "You slept with a baser creature, shaming yourself and your heritage, risking the only chance you had to return to your own kind? What were you thinking? Are you insane? Why would you run that risk?"

When she could do nothing but stare at him in unabashed shock, he dropped her with a snort. "Obviously you have lost your wits, if you can't even remember to safeguard your own pride."

Teles' hands curled into fists as she narrowed her eyes at him dangerously. She strode forward and shoved the youkai backward with all of her might. "WHY? Why would I run that risk? I'll tell you WHY, you idiotic youkai! Because when I was with you, Olympus was the FURTHEST thing from my mind! If you want to accuse me of lying when I say I've fallen in love with you, FINE. But that does NOT erase the fact of the matter, demon!"

Her voice rose to a yell, all of the frustration and emotion that had been battling inside of her, finally allowed to come to the surface. "Do you have ANY idea what it was like? FEELING you inside of me, KNOWING when you were near? And, gods, when I thought it was you who were about to be killed by that damned scorpion youkai, I didn't care WHO it was who was down there, I was only RELIEVED to see that it wasn't you! You are in my thoughts FAR more often than I would like, and if I could figure out a way to make it stop, I WOULD!"

Amber eyes bled scarlet as his smooth voice dropped to a snarl. "Demon you name me, and demon I am. Someone has to come to their senses here. I will not sully your immortal flesh and risk your return home. I will not make you lose your family. I've hurt you enough."

She grit her teeth, glaring at him. "You're an idiot."

Sesshoumaru only growled in response.

She gave a short, harsh bark of laughter. "Why would I want to return somewhere, why -- when you have come to consume my every thought -- why would I want to return somewhere that you could not be?"

He glowered at her, his smooth, unruffled façade gone, scarlet eyes fading to amber. She had goaded him past endurance; the veneer he had so long maintained became inconsequential. "Do you think I can stand it, looking at you, wanting you with every breath, knowing that acting on such an impulse marks you as degraded and outcast among your own kind?" His voice was suddenly tired, rough with exhaustion; Sesshoumaru's emotions were not used to such flux.

Her anger slowly fading again, Teles moved towards him and gently pressed a hand to his cheek. "My impulses are my concern, Sesshoumaru. I am old enough to make my own decisions and live with the repercussions."

His hand wrapped around her wrist, pressing his claws against her skin. "And you. Do you forgive yourself for soiling your bloodlines," he leaned in, hissing the words, letting his warm breath caress her skin. "Or do you revel in it?"

Teles stared at his hand around her wrist. His skin was warm and his breath hot. He was so, so close... Her head swam with the youkai lord's proximity. Finally he was touching her, finally she could feel his presence wrap around her. Finally, she could feel him. "And what if I disagree with the opinions of my people? What if I do not consider your touch to be sullying at all?" She paused, lending weight to her words. "What if I do not consider you base?"

Sesshoumaru pinned the goddess with his intense, feral gaze. "Then I would throw you to the ground and mark you as mine until neither you, your father, or any other of those gods doubted where you belonged."

Feeling a flush warm her cheeks, she moved even closer. "I revel in your touch. There is no possible way one such as yourself can make me feel this way while at the same time 'poisoning' my line. You are not a lower creature. You are not base. Your touch is not filthy." She moved even closer until she could feel his breath against her face. "In fact, I have missed it. I have missed you." Her eyebrow lifted and an almost mischievous grin lit her lips. "And, besides, I have come to trust the opinion of Lord Ryujin. He claims that you are honorable," she said lightly.

"Only when it gets me what I want," he growled, leaning in. Inhaling her scent, Sesshoumaru gently but firmly bit the goddess at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, leaving a reddish mark. Hearing her high, ragged gasp, he laved away the bite before repeating the action on the other side. The taste of her flesh made his pulse skyrocket, and it took every shred of control that remained to keep from claiming her right there.

Sighing contentedly, Teles ran her fingers through his hair, letting her fingertips trace lightly over his facial markings. "Your brother said that if I desired to beat you in battle, I needed to be faster than you were and utilize the element of surprise. I did not think I could enjoy losing so much." She leaned forward and rubbed her forehead against his cheek softly. "But there is one thing that still confuses me."

Anger, resentment, bitterness... all of it subsided in a rush, leaving him drained. "Oh?" Her skin was smooth against his cheek and her scent filled his senses.

She nodded, letting her hands drift down his neck and shoulders. "After speaking with Inuyasha and his companions... I was left with a somewhat different opinion of you than I had before." She paused, glancing away uncomfortably, her hands never ceasing in their soothing ministrations. "In fact, I was prepared to kill you if I saw you again. The next time I saw you, you were with that human child."

"Rin." He pressed his lips together in contemplation. "She is... my... companion."

"But she is human. I was told that you despise humans. I... I did not understand the contradiction. I knew that the monk and the priestess were not lying. And your brother -- his anger was too raw, too keen to have been a fabrication."

Sesshoumaru released the goddess with a sigh. "I try not to ask myself these questions."

"But it does not erase the question, does it?"

"No, but it is less uncomfortable."

A faint smile touched her lips. "I'm thankful now that she was there, else I would have killed you." Her words were not boastful - they held confidence and assuredness, which made Sesshoumaru blink.

"You would have tried. In this, I am like my brother: we are both remarkably hard to kill."

Teles looked like she might have wanted to say more, but chose not to. "At any rate, she saved you from a particularly nasty altercation. Our battle still would have been a trying one." She swallowed. "I... I did not know what to make of you after seeing you with her."

The current turn in the conversation left Sesshoumaru obviously uncomfortable. "She... She has nowhere else to go."

"On one hand I was angry with you for having such a complete lack of appreciation for the fact that you have kin, and your willingness to hurt your brother as well as his companions. I hated that I had misjudged you so completely. Seeing her with you, seeing the way she ran toward you rather than away from you, seeing the pure joy on her face... I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know what to make of you."

He looked away. "My relationship with my brother is... more complicated than his humanity, I will admit. But Rin is... special. She has no preconceptions."

"She must miss you now."

"This was a special situation."

"You had to hunt down your mate and decide whether to mark her or kill her?"

He smirked. "I did have to find you, but, as you have made it clear to me more than once, I cannot kill you."

Teles chuckled, looking down. When her laughter faded, she looked up again, meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry that I left you, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry that I deserted you, angered you... I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Sesshoumaru looked past Teles' shoulder for several moments, choosing his words carefully. "It hurt more when I thought that every time you looked at me you saw a lesser creature. When you were gone, I thought it was perhaps you couldn't bear to look at what you'd lowered yourself to. Sometimes I thought you'd driven me mad, for mad I must've been to insist on looking for you when you so clearly did not want to see me."

"I was going to come back."

He smiled faintly. "I pride myself on my patience, but I find that I cannot be patient where you are concerned."

"Yes, I am familiar with that sensation," she said, intense green eyes drinking in his features. She leaned forward boldly and kissed him full on the mouth. When she pulled away, her eyes were alight with mischief - something he'd never seen before. "I fear I could not be patient any longer," she said wryly.

Clearing his throat, he maintained a disinterested expression. "Please, feel free to indulge your impatience."

Smiling, the goddess pressed boldly against him, cradling his face in her hands as she kissed him slowly and patiently. She gasped as Sesshoumaru growled contentedly against her mouth and slid his hands up her back, tracing designs on her skin with his claws.

The decision that had seemed so difficult before - one that had loomed ominously on the horizon - did not seem so complex anymore.

Making a soft, satisfied noise, Teles moved her mouth away from his, kissing a soft trail to his neck and up to his ear. Smiling, she breathed a whisper against it gently. "I still can't believe you asked Ryujin about me."

He buried his nose in her hair, relishing the softness of the strands. "I cannot believe you asked Inuyasha about me."

"It was after I came back from speaking with Ryujin. Had you not cast the first stone, I would have let the hanyou on his way without annoying him so," she murmured, placing a soft bite on his neck.

Giving a slight shiver, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes. "Annoyance is his natural state of being."

Teles chuckled huskily, teasing his ear with her nose. "And he didn't believe me when I said you were alike."

Startled, Sesshoumaru yanked away from her embrace. "I BEG your pardon?" he asked indignantly.

The goddess blinked at the sudden change in him. "You're both quite alike. Sarcasm and annoyance are traits you both share in copious amounts." She smiled again and made a move to return to the sensitive spot on his neck. "I have a preference for the elder brother though. Inuyasha is but a pup. A child." She toyed with a lock of silver hair. "I much prefer more mature men."

Sesshoumaru pulled away again, mentally registering with amusement her huff of impatience. Lifting an eyebrow at her, he asked, "Isn't that what brought you to my lands in the first place?"

Teles' expression froze. She stared at him in shock, tinted with insult. "Excuse me?"

Cursing silently, Sesshoumaru said, "I was given to understand by Lord Ryujin that you were in exile for... being suspected of a liaison with the lord of your land."

"That is true."

"I..." He stopped, shaking his head. "I will admit that it bothered me before, but I no longer care. You are mine, and that is all that matters."

Staring at him, stymied, Teles blinked. Unsure whether to laugh or throttle the youkai, she stepped carefully away. When she spoke, her voice was soft, but venom lurked behind the words. "You believed it?"

"I wasn't sure what to think," he replied reasonably, noting with some apprehension the goddess' reaction.

Green eyes narrowing in anger, the goddess glared at him. "That is not a satisfactory answer, mate."

"Yes," the youkai snarled. "I thought it was true. And it was one of the things that haunted me. Did you prefer the touch of divine flesh to the touch of mine? I am, after all, long-lived, but not immortal."

Folding her arms over her chest, the goddess spoke slowly, her words icy. "Hera is an unreasonable goddess. Zeus... is not faithful to her, and she knows it. Unfortunately, she thinks that punishing every female who catches her husband's eye is the way to deal with such a problem." Teles paused, green eyes pinning amber. "I never joined with Zeus. For that matter, I have never joined with another god."

Sesshoumaru blinked, surprised.

The goddess gave him a challenging smile. "All of my lovers have been human." Her eyes sparked with dry humor. "I like having a lover who is easy to subdue."

The demon lord folded his arms and regarded her with an intense stare. "Until now."

She found her annoyance thawing a bit. "Yes. Until now." Teles shook her head in amazement. "I still cannot believe that you thought me capable of such behavior! If I was able to engage in such an adulterous relationship, what made you think I could possibly be a good mate for you?"

His response was simple, direct, and to the point. "Because I knew you would never stray from me."

Teles laughed suddenly, her irritation completely melted. "So much in common..."

"As you love me, cease making that comparison." His words were a growl, but there was no longer any heat behind it.

Teles smiled serenely. "I will do no such thing." Sighing and stretching, she lowered herself onto the sand again, stretching out. He looked up at him, an invitation in her eyes. "It is a lovely island. Do you care to sit and enjoy it with me?"

Sesshoumaru sat, allowing himself to observe the island's aesthetic qualities for the first time. "I may have to provoke you into running away more often; I like your choice of locales."

Shifting onto her hip, she moved a bit closer to him until she could lean against him. "What will it be like, being your mate?"

Sesshoumaru reached up and ran a hand slowly through her hair. "I've never had a mate before, so I don't know firsthand myself. But we already are mated."

"Arguments like we had earlier... do you think they'll be the norm?"

The youkai sighed deeply, letting the silken strands twine around his fingers. "Mating does not magically transform the people involved, Teles. Witness my brother and his priestess: despite their bond, they still fight it and each other. You and I are both very stubborn people."

Teles rested a hand on his abdomen and closed her eyes, enjoying his company with the absence of a power struggle between them. "But I am in love with you. I've admitted to you, and I've admitted it to myself."

"You are wise."

"Well, yes. I've had a great many years of practice." Her fingers moved lazily along his outer kimono, relishing the feel of the fabric between her fingers.

"Some of us, on the other hand, are naturally gifted."

Stopping suddenly, she lifted her head, arching an eyebrow. "Naturally gifted? Is arrogance a gift?"

He allowed himself a tiny, superior smile. "It is not arrogance when you are right."

"And what was it that you are right about?"

"You," he answered simply. "You are mine. You always were."

"And you are mine."

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax as she rested against him. "Yes. I am," he said quietly. He lay back, pulling Teles with him, her head resting on his chest. He raked his claws through her hair as the crash of the ocean waves and the sweet warm breezes of the island lulled him.

"Tell me, Sesshoumaru, I have a question."

"Yes?" he replied drowsily.

"You have established that this is based on... instinct, correct?" she asked, her eyes closing as she became lost in the sound of his heartbeat.

"Basically."

"Tell me, is it customary for the males not to love their females?"

Forcing one eye open, he glanced down at her. When he saw that she was not joking, he grinned into her hair. "I believe it has been known to happen on occasion."

If she heard the smile in his voice, she did not register it. Teles instead continued with her train of thought. "Because I am quite aware of the fact that I love you... And yet, though your actions appear to speak to the contrary, you have admitted nothing of the sort to me."

Sesshoumaru sighed deeply. "Foolish woman--"

"I'm not foolish," she interrupted.

In an instant, he had flipped Teles onto her back and pinned her hands by her sides so he could look at her. "I love you," he said, wonder in his voice, "and I never thought I was capable of such a thing. You think I would follow you across strange lands, far away from my responsibilities and my charge, yell at you, call you names, lose every shred of dignity I ever possessed, because... I was mildly fond of you?" He shook his head at her. "For a goddess... foolish."

She looked up at him, reveling in the moment. His hair fell down around her like a curtain and his body was warm and heavy against hers. She shot him a superior smile. "You insulted me because you loved me?" The smile faded into a smirk. "You must have loved me the minute we met, if that is any indication," she murmured, bending one leg and rubbing it against him.

"And what if I did?" he riposted.

"I do not believe you did," she breathed, her eyes on his mouth. She remembered the feel of his fangs against her skin and shivered.

A soft growl forming in his chest, Sesshoumaru lowered his head and slowly licked at the pulse point in her neck. Reveling in her gasp and shiver, she smiled against the skin. "I knew you were different from any other woman I'd ever met. No one else ever affected me that way."

When she spoke, her voice was breathless. "You did not talk this much when we first met, Sesshoumaru." She rubbed his leg with hers to emphasize her point.

"No," he breathed, his eyes sliding shut. "It's your fault, really." Her close proximity was quickly driving him out of his mind. He could feel her bare leg as it caressed him, and the presence of her body, soft and pliant under his was tearing his patience, his composure, and his self-control to shreds.

"It most certainly is not. I am trying to stop all conversation. You are ignoring my hints."

"It is your fault," he countered, his tone brooking no argument. "You loosened my tongue." He pulled back and looked down on her, a feral grin lighting his lips. "Allow me to demonstrate." Teles made a small surprised sound when his mouth claimed hers in a bruising kiss. He groaned deep in his chest as her tongue pressed against his lips teasingly until he granted her access. He reached down with one hand and slowly caressed her leg, allowing his claws to rend the material, baring her skin.

This was a far more pleasing alternative to dragging the goddess back forcibly.