InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 28: Commiseration ( Chapter 28 )

A/N: Great, great thanks to Merith and Kat for their unparalleled beta skills, and to Everstar who should really be credited as co-author for some of this stuff, she inspires and aids me so. :)

Chapter 28: Commiseration

The evening waned fairly slowly. After Inuyasha had asked to feel the pup move, he returned to the library to resume his reading. By the same token, it was many hours later before Kagome set her homework aside and checked in on Rin and Shippou, who were both curled up contentedly with Kirara, sound asleep. The fire youkai's eyes flashed at her in the dim light of the room and Kagome nodded once to herself before padding back to the main hall and unrolling her sleeping pallet. It wasn't until after Kagome was asleep that Sango and Miroku had finished speaking extensively of promises, both of them deciding that a good night's sleep was in order.

The small group of companions slept blissfully before the blazing fire while Inuyasha read on, uninterrupted and undeterred.

It didn't strike Kagome as odd when she fell asleep. Inuyasha frequently kept strange hours -- he needed less sleep than the rest of them. But when she woke up, slowly rolling over and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Kagome was faintly surprised that Inuyasha was still missing. Sitting up and running a hand through her sleep-tousled hair, she got to her feet and padded silently down the various corridors in the same direction she'd seen him go earlier the day before. It made more sense to start looking where she'd seen him last than to go off searching the treetops outside.

Kagome's search was remarkably brief. She saw the flickering light coming from the library, and as she paused at the sliding, rice paper door, she saw Inuyasha sitting cross-legged at the low table, reading intently. A sudden, wide yawn clutched at the young miko as she looked at him, and she realized for the first time that she had absolutely no earthly idea what time it was. She was willing to wager a guess that it was either very late or very early.

Hearing the soft sound, Inuyasha looked up suddenly, ripped away from the past contained in the lines upon lines of characters. "Kagome," he breathed. His normally brilliant eyes were reddened and bloodshot from the seemingly endless hours of reading by lamplight. "Is... is it morning already?" He was too far from the den's entrance to know this one way or the other -- the cave almost completely cut him off from the outside world. His senses were sharp, certainly, but not sharp enough to scent the morning so far away from it.

"I'm not sure," Kagome replied, stepping into the room. "I didn't look at the time -- I just wondered where you were." She tilted her head, regarding the stacks of scrolls on either side of the hanyou. "You look like you're busy," she remarked softly.

Inuyasha swallowed. "Yeah, kind of."

"We've hardly seen you at all since we've arrived," Kagome said, walking around the table and sitting down next to Inuyasha. "Is everything okay?"

He nodded, rubbing tiredly at his face. "Yeah, I just--"

"You look exhausted," Kagome interjected softly, worry reflecting in her eyes. She reached up, hesitating only a moment before placing a gentle hand on his back. Even with the light touch, she could feel the way his muscles were knotted beneath her fingertips. "Inuyasha, maybe you should get some rest."

He shook his head, sending silver-white bangs swaying back and forth. Slowly, he rolled his neck and shoulders; he had been sitting there for far too long. His back was unbelievably stiff and his eyes ached and burned. "I'm okay, Kagome. Really."

She nodded slowly, her eyes drifting over his face, taking in every nuance of his fatigue. "What have you been reading that's grabbed you like this? You look like you haven't slept a bit since we got here."

Inuyasha looked down at the scrolls. "My father's writings," he said, his voice suddenly husky. "He kept journals... mostly about battles -- strategies... I think it's mostly s'posed to help Sesshoumaru hold the western lands." He jerked his chin upwards, glancing at a shelf housing scrolls that were not nearly as yellowed with age. "He's been doing the same thing."

Kagome nodded once. "So, they're all... political?"

"No," Inuyasha replied, his voice growing thick with emotion. "Some of them are about me." He swallowed hard. "Some are about my mother, Sesshoumaru -- even his mother." The hanyou looked down at the precious rolls of parchment. "I had no idea. I... I never had a chance to know him. And now, reading his own words -- in his hand..." He closed bloodshot eyes and rubbed at his face again. When he spoke next, his voice was rough and sounded far away, even to his own ears. "I'm starting to remember," he breathed.

Kagome sat in quiet shock. Her hand, which had been resting lightly against his back, began to move in slow, soothing circles across the tight, knotted muscles there. "You're remembering your father?" she whispered.

Inuyasha nodded, too tired to be anything but soothed by Kagome's touch. With barely any pressure, her hand melted away the tension that had formed over hours and hours of reading. Eyes still closed, he mentally tracked her hand as it rubbed soothing circles across his back. "I... little bits have been coming back to me. The more I read, the more I remember."

"Like what?" Kagome asked softly.

A fond, if tired smile curved at his lips. "He used to chase me up and down the halls. I think he did it do tire me out..." Opening his eyes, Inuyasha tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. "He... he worried about Sesshoumaru, if you can believe it." Shaking his head, Inuyasha let out a dry laugh. "Sesshoumaru had someone else worryin' about him. Hard to imagine." It was indeed difficult to imagine his elder brother ever being in a position where someone else had taken care of him, where someone else had concern for his best interests. To Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru had always been someone consumed with hatred for him, someone who had tried to kill him more than once. He'd never stopped to think about any other side to the youkai lord. Inuyasha had never stopped to consider that Sesshoumaru hadn't always been the great youkai lord of the western lands -- he'd first been a son.

Kagome's brows quirked together in puzzlement. "Worried about him?"

Inuyasha nodded, blinking his eyes in an effort to relieve the dryness in them. Slowly, he began sifting through the scrolls, opening them and scanning them, looking for something in particular. Eventually, he seemed to find what he was looking for. Clearing his throat, he began to read slowly, his voice made rough with both exhaustion and emotion. "'My eldest son's behavior continues to concern me. While it is impossible for me to be surprised at his enmity, I had hoped that by now he would have moved past his resentment. I fear that Tsukiko's death has affected him far more deeply than I had originally surmised. He blames humanity for her death, and I am concerned he will hold that hatred for the rest of his days. If he does not learn to release this derision, I am filled with apprehension for the state of the western lands should they ever fall under his rule.'"

Kagome gave a sympathetic wince. Slowly but surely, more and more of the mystery surrounding Inuyasha's half brother was stripped away. What was revealed explained a great deal to Kagome. "Oh," she said softly, her chest contracting a bit in empathy. "That must've been awful. He wanted to help but he didn't know how..."

Rolling the scroll back up, Inuyasha nodded slowly. "I..." He stopped, sighing. "He told me how our father met my mother."

"Who told..." Kagome trailed off, perplexed. "Sesshoumaru? Told you?" Her hand almost stopped rubbing at Inuyasha's back, so great was her surprise.

"Yeah," he said, his voice rough.

Shaking her head, Kagome tried to understand the reasoning for such a move. Sesshoumaru never seemed to do anything without a reason. "But... why?"

"Why?" Inuyasha echoed softly. After a second, he shook his head. "I don't know why." He glanced over at Kagome, noting for a moment the way the lamplight played against her hair, offering it a flickering sheen; he swallowed hard. "I think it had somethin' to do with him not wanting to tell his mate he couldn't get her immortality restored."

Puzzlement clouded Kagome's eyes. "But... how does him telling you about your mother have anything to do with that?"

In spite of his fatigue, Inuyasha pushed a wry smile onto his features. "You'd be amazed what someone'd be willing to talk about when there's somewhere they don't wanna be."

"Oh, I get it," she said, offering a tiny smile. "Sorry. I can be kinda slow when I'm tired."

The hanyou yawned suddenly, his jaw cracking under the wide yawn. "Yeah. Me too." He rubbed again at his eyes, stretching and cracking his back. He'd been so excited about the visit that it had started to disturb his sleeping patterns. And now, he'd spent nearly two full days reading. His eyes felt as if they'd been lined with sand. Suddenly a cool, soft hand slid further up his back, parting his hair, delicate fingers brushing lightly over the nape of his neck.

"Hey," Kagome said softly, pushing the heavy silver locks away from Inuyasha's neck before letting her fingers slowly work at the tension there. "You should really sleep."

The gentle touch soothing him immensely, Inuyasha let his eyes close and his head droop forward. "No, I'm all right. We're leavin' tomorrow morning, and I want to read as many of these as I can."

A faint scowl darkened the young miko's forehead. "You can't even focus," she said, exasperation tinting her words. "You don't have to read them all now. You can come back some other time, you know. I'm sure Sesshoumaru wouldn't mind."

The hanyou heard her tone -- he knew it well -- but shook his head resolutely. "It'll be fine."

Swallowing and setting her jaw, Kagome put her other hand under Inuyasha's chin, turning his gaze toward her. She blinked once, slowly, and sent him a measuring gaze, which he met with one of his own. The tacit communication that passed between them moved too quickly for an outside observer to identify. Her gaze was worried, his was tired but determined; her eyebrows drew together in concern, he gave a brief shake of his head.

"Kagome," Inuyasha said, his voice low, "I have to. Please, understand -- I have to do this."

There was a brief moment of silence during which Kagome nodded once. "I know."

Inuyasha was almost surprised at her words; he had expected her to be far more insistent. His shoulders sagging in relief, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he rubbed his face briskly, willing the cobwebs out of his brain. After a few seconds he expelled a long breath. "...He used to carry me on his shoulders. My dad, I mean." A faint grin lit his lips. "I used to like it 'cause it made me taller than Sesshoumaru."

Kagome smiled, her hand going back to rubbing slow circles across Inuyasha's back. She'd seen an image of him as a child -- though only a reflection -- and had no trouble envisioning such a thing. She wondered how different things had been then -- how different they could have been. "I'm so glad you're finding this out. I mean... we've known he wanted you for a while, but.... it's good to know."

He nodded once. "I'm... yeah, it's... " Inuyasha shook his head; his ability to speak coherently had left him in his weariness. He inhaled deeply and exhaled in a sigh. "I can't explain it." Pursing his lips in thought, he looked over at Kagome, clearly debating how much to tell her. "'Cause it's not just my dad I'm remembering." Her expression was one of slight puzzlement, made evident by a slight furrowing of her eyebrows. Inuyasha looked down at his hands. "Sesshoumaru blamed my mother for his mother's death."

The young miko felt her stomach give a sudden lurch at his words. Blamed her? How could he possibly have... "Why?"

"My mother was a noble," Inuyasha explained, closing his eyes again and rubbing hard at the lids. Yes, Sesshoumaru had told him the tale once already, but Inuyasha had by this point also read the events in his own father's words, in his hand. He brought his hands away from his face and once again began sifting though the scrolls lain out on the table. A brief search yielded an aged yellow scroll that Inuyasha continued to toy with absently even after he'd glanced cursorily at it. "She had a personal priestess. The two women were out one day, when the sight of Tsukiko -- Sesshoumaru's mother -- in her true form frightened my mother. The priestess slew Tsukiko." Very slowly, Inuyasha's hands unrolled a delicate, yellowed scroll. When next he spoke, his voice was a mere husk of its usual timbre. "He saw the whole thing."

Kagome blinked, imagining for a moment a much younger Sesshoumaru in such a position. He saw his own mother killed? "Oh, gods," she breathed.

Inuyasha nodded. "I know. It... made me think. How would I have acted if I was him? He saw his mother killed -- and then our father mated with the woman..." He trailed off. In some ways it had been easier when he had thought that Sesshoumaru had hated him for no reason. Now that he had a better understanding of the past, Inuyasha found it increasingly difficult to blame his elder brother. I'da done the same thing.

The knowledge brought him very little comfort.

"But," Kagome ventured hesitantly, feeling the soft fire rat's fur under her hand as she continued to stroke circles against Inuyasha's back, "it wasn't something he could help, right? I mean... Your dad didn't want to hurt Sesshoumaru. It just happened."

Inuyasha nodded slowly. As more and more memories were jogged loose, he found himself recalling not only things that his father had recorded in the journal, he remembered more about the time that followed -- the time after his father's death. He remembered his own mother's inconsolable grief after learning that the great and powerful Inutaisho had succumbed to the wounds inflicted on him by Ryuukossai.

Makes me even more glad I killed the bastard, he thought darkly. Inuyasha continued to toy with the scroll in his hands, mindful of his claws. "I found some of the passages he wrote after Tsukiko's death." He shook his head slowly. "Sometimes I just forget he had another mate before my ma. Makes me wonder how many of these Sesshoumaru actually read."

"...I guess you were lucky." Instantly, Kagome bit her tongue, nearly wincing visibly at the insensitivity of her words. I did not say that. Oh, god. I did.

Inuyasha looked at her, dark eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "...Lucky?" he echoed softly.

Kagome felt a rush of panic sluice through her veins. She hadn't intended for the words to come out quite like that -- she hadn't intended to sound so insensitive, so thoughtless, so... cold. "Um..." she managed, looking away suddenly, too ashamed to meet Inuyasha's confused, honey-colored gaze. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! "I mean..." She got up suddenly and wrapped her arms around herself, taking a few quick steps away as if to distance herself from the hurt she knew her words had inflicted.

For his part, Inuyasha found that he could only stare in utter befuddlement. He waited for her to clarify -- she definitely seemed like she was trying to clarify. The scent of her discomfiture was heavy in the air, and while the insinuation that he was lucky certainly stung, as he took in her posture and the way Kagome seemed intent upon avoiding his eyes, Inuyasha prudently decided to keep his mouth shut.

Kagome swallowed hard, trying to work past the knot that had formed in her throat. "It was hard on your father. Right? Because his mate died."

Blinking, Inuyasha nodded. "Right." What the hell's the matter with her?

"But... you didn't know..." Just say it, Kagome. "You didn't know Kikyou was dead. Until Kaede told you." Sneaking a glimpse at his face, Kagome saw that her words made him pale a bit and she cringed. "I remember. So..." Again, she swallowed. "You didn't..." She stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, staring at the shelves laden with wrapped scrolls, unable to find the words she was looking for. Certainly she felt them in her heart, but she could not make the thoughts, emotions, and ideas form together to make coherent strings of words. "I mean, obviously, it wasn't easier or anything," she managed, her voice growing rough.

Inuyasha watched Kagome stand stock still for many moments. His chest tightened and ached miserably -- he'd never been able to quite forget the sting he'd felt when he had realized that Kikyou was dead. He'd managed to hide his reaction fairly well, or so he'd thought. But what Kagome was saying was something different entirely. She was saying that, as opposed to his father, he had been spared some of the misery that came with having been robbed of a mate he'd established a life with, had had a child with. When he spoke, his voice was whisper-soft. "It was easier before I knew." It was easier to be angrier with her before I knew she was dead, before I found out that it hadn't been Kikyou who'd betrayed me at all... "But...." trailing off, he bit his lip.

Without letting him finish, Kagome nodded quickly, flashing him a small, strained smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

After a moment, Inuyasha looked down at the scroll he'd been holding so carefully. Without any explanation, he handed it to Kagome. "Here," he said huskily.

Blinking, Kagome accepted the scroll and unrolled it gingerly as she tilted towards the light. Her brow furrowed slightly as she read.

... her absence is far more noticeable than her presence had ever been. She was such a fixture, such a part of me, I cannot begin to believe that she is truly gone. I would rather have lost a limb, or my own life. That her laughter is gone from these halls, her eyes forever gone from my own sight... I find that I no longer care about anything. The lands can fall. I care not. It would be so easy to succumb to my grief and let it consume me; however, Sesshoumaru requires my aid, my guidance -- though I know not what guidance I can provide when I am as lost as he...

Inuyasha pursed his lips as he saw Kagome's throat work as her eyes grew luminous with unshed tears. "In another entry," he said softly, "he said he hadn't left his chambers for a week after burying her." He stopped for a moment, watching her. "When a youkai's mate dies, it's like a part of the soul goes out." Understand me, Kagome, please. When you're here, I'm stronger -- I can do more. When you're in your time, I'm... different. If you were gone forever, it'd... He gave a brisk shake of his head to keep his mind from its current path.

Nodding, Kagome slowly wrapped the scroll. "No wonder he couldn't help Sesshoumaru."

His eyes tracked her delicate hands as they secured the scroll before handing it back to him. He took it and set it with the others he'd already read. "I don't know what he did during this time -- Sesshoumaru, I mean. I guess... I guess he just..." Inuyasha shook his head slowly. "I guess he grieved."

Licking her lips, Kagome glanced quickly at Inuyasha. "When my dad died..." When she saw him look up sharply she closed her eyes for a moment. "Souta and I didn't see much of Mama for a while." Her mouth quirked sadly as she sifted through her own memories. "We helped Grandpa cook. It's a wonder we didn't burn the house down."

"I didn't know that," he managed softly.

"...It was a while ago. I was... ten." Hugging her arms a little tighter around herself, she looked at Inuyasha, noticing that her pain was reflected in his eyes. "He just got really sick. Really fast." Another thin slice of silence passed before the words tumbled out of Kagome's mouth. "I was angry for a while. Because... well, that's how you feel. You keep thinking there was something you could have done, something... Grandpa kept telling me it was okay because he was watching over us and the shrine and everything. But I wanted him back so he could read me a story with the funny voices again. And I was mad for Souta." She pressed her lips together for a moment. "He doesn't even remember Dad, really. It's so unfair, that I can remember and he was too little."

Inuyasha nodded slowly, empathy and understanding clutching at his throat and chest. He saw her press a hand to her heart and breathe in an uneven breath. He pushed himself to his feet and approached her. "When you were tellin' me about it before, I thought humans didn't ... do things the same way, with mates and stuff. But..." Here, he swallowed hard; a lump had manifested itself in his throat and would not budge. "It sounds like your folks..." he said, nodding slowly, "they were mates. True mates."

Blinking at the burning in her eyes, Kagome nodded. "She still misses him," she managed softly. "She still loves him." Giving a soft chuckle, a tiny, fond smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I remember... when I was little. Dad would come home and... no matter how tired he was, or how upset from work... Mama could always make him smile."

Inuyasha's silence reigned; he watched Kagome as she spoke, as she dealt with her own memories -- both painful and fond at the same time. The expression he wore was more or less unreadable, save for the depths of understanding evident in his eyes. Yeah, I know how that goes. He could see her tears as they pooled in her eyes, clinging stubbornly to her dark lashes. When she closed those eyes and wiped them briskly with her sleeve, he nearly flinched. In half the time it took for a heart to beat, he moved closer to her, reflexively sliding his arms around her slight form. She sighed softly, slipping her own arms around his, tacitly accepting his attempt at comfort.

"It's funny, isn't it?" Kagome's voice was muffled by Inuyasha's chest, and her voice was tiny and far away to her own ears. "You get used to someone being dead, but it still sneaks up on you."

"I know," he replied, his voice soft and rough. Closing his eyes, he buried his nose in her hair and inhaled surreptitiously, letting the black silk tease at his face.

Kagome stood, resting against his form, letting her eyes drift shut as she relaxed. Funny... Thinking about Dad usually makes me cry... but... it doesn't hurt as much, telling Inuyasha.

After an eternity of silence, Inuyasha once again found his voice. "Sesshoumaru was the one who found our father."

"...How... did it happen?"

Finding strength in the slim body pressed against his chest, he inhaled a steadying breath. "Ryuukossai was... trying to take over the lands. My father had sent scouts out -- they came back with the news, so..." his shoulders lifted in a slight shrug, "he left to slay Ryuukossai." He'd known that the dragon had killed his father, but reading about the betrayal with his own eyes made the resurfacing memories sting even more. He swallowed hard, sorting out his thoughts. "I'd always heard that he'd been betrayed... but I never knew how. Turns out, Ryuukossai had been one of my dad's allies. The whole time the bastard had been planning to take the western lands away from him. Sesshoumaru wanted to go with my father, but Dad forbade it." Here, Inuyasha paused for a moment. "He... he ordered Sesshoumaru to stay behind and watch over me and my mom. Fuckin' thrilled him, let me tell you." Inuyasha cleared his throat softly. "After a few days... when he didn't come back, Sesshoumaru went off looking for him. He found Ryuukossai, sealed, and our father... next to death from his wounds."

"That's awful," Kagome breathed. After a moment she sighed. "No wonder he's been all..." Trailing off, she shook her head. "Poor Sesshoumaru."

Inuyasha gave a soft, dry chuckle. "Never thought I'd ever hear anyone say that."

"Believe me, I can't believe I'm saying it." She tipped her head up and offered him a tiny, wry grin. "But I'll cry about anything, right?"

Inuyasha found that he couldn't respond -- and he really didn't want to. Instead, he only gave her a small, half-smile in return before reaching up and, very gently, wiping the tear tracks away from one cheek, then the other. To see this raw, naked ache in her eyes sent something protective flaring in his chest. It wasn't right that she should hurt like this. Kagome, who had shed tears for him, who worried about him -- about all of them... she didn't deserve to ache like this. She did not deserve to hurt.

"Thanks," Kagome said softly, some distant part of her mind registering that it had grown a bit harder to breathe. She found herself looking up into Inuyasha's eyes and couldn't help but notice that the arrogance that usually gleamed in the golden depths had faded and was replaced with something else -- hesitation. She watched mutely as his eyes flitted down to her lips, then back to her eyes.

Is he...? Is he really? Oh, god. Oh, god, he's going to...

After an eternity, Inuyasha slowly leaned down, a bit unsurely. He wanted to help. The gods knew she'd helped him more than once. If he could have, he would have gladly taken on her pain and sadness in order to relieve her of it. Inuyasha had more experience with pain -- he knew how to deal with it.

As he grew closer, he could hear Kagome's heartbeat thundering wildly -- it was nearly as fast and merciless as his own. Licking his lips once, he whispered quietly, "Don't cry anymore, Kagome." The words had barely passed his lips when he brushed his mouth shyly against hers, kissing her softly, slowly, chastely. Gently, he slid one hand to the nape of her neck, the other hand to her shoulder, letting his thumb rub slow circles against the joint. He felt her mouth, pliant and soft, move delicately against his, returning the kiss, and after several seconds, he broke the kiss as gently and as shyly as he had initiated it.

It took Kagome a moment to register that the warm mouth was no longer working intently against her lips. Swallowing, she looked up at Inuyasha, blinking slowly, her eyes huge. "...Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha didn't answer right away. His own breathing was ragged and uneven, and lurking underneath the disbelief that he'd actually done what he had done was the realization that part of him had been expecting a slap for it. He swallowed hard, looking down at Kagome, blinking slowly. "Yeah?"

Too dazed to realize that Inuyasha was expecting some sort of reply, Kagome licked her lips absently. You... kissed me. You kissed me. "...Inuyasha, I..." Unable to form a coherent thought -- particularly while Inuyasha's hand still rested at her neck, his fingers working in tiny circles against the sensitive skin -- she chose instead to lean up, letting her own eyes flutter shut as she hesitantly brushed her mouth across his.

At the gentle caress against his lips, Inuyasha's eyes slid shut again, the reflexive move sending him into welcome darkness. He sighed against the soft, sweet mouth as the last bit of tension in his back and neck melted away.

"So we're even," she whispered after breaking the kiss gently.

A faint, hesitant smile lit Inuyasha's lips for a fraction of a second before bringing the hand that had been at the nape of Kagome's neck around to comb through her bangs. "...Get some sleep, Kagome. I'll be okay, I promise.

"Okay," Kagome managed softly. After a second or two, she still hadn't moved. Oh. That means I have to let go. Reluctantly, she slid her arms from around him and stepped back, noticing that she felt a little colder now without the warmth of his body against hers. "You're sure you'll be all right?"

Inuyasha had already moved back to the low table and was looking up at her with an expression of warmth that deepened his eyes to the color of raw honey. "Yeah, I think I'll be okay."

Kagome nodded once, lingering a bit before letting her steps guide her back to the communal sleeping area. Tracing a fingertip over her lips absently, she lowered herself to the sleeping mat. He kissed me. He... oh my god. He really...

Her pulse hadn't stopped its rapid tattoo through her veins, and her body fairly thrummed with the rhythm. Her head felt light and her face felt unbelievably warm, and she was sure her cheeks were flushed and hectic with color. As she settled back onto the mat and watched the flames dance, illuminating the room with amber light. Kagome let her eyes track the shadows as they flickered across the walls. Before long, her eyes grew heavy, and only one thought passed through her mind before sleep claimed her.

Inuyasha kissed me.

Just over an hour later, Inuyasha was still seated at the low table, reading scroll after scroll, becoming increasingly lost in the world of his father's words. Slowly, though, his eyes refused to focus on the characters and his brain refused to process the meanings of the words as they were strung together. Sitting back and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, he yawned widely. It had to be nearly dawn by now; too many hours had passed during which Inuyasha had refused to seek any sort of rest.

Now he found himself mentally exhausted, and as he stared off into the mid distance, Inuyasha realized that, while he'd spent numerous hours reading his father's scrolls, his mind was not solely occupied with the family history that was slowly revealing itself to him. How could it have been, when Kagome's taste still lingered at his lips?

I kissed her. Gods, I kissed her. Kagome.

And then I sent her AWAY? Gods, I must've lost my fuckin' mind.

Shaking his head briskly and rolling his shoulders, Inuyasha scooted back slightly until his back met the wall. Exhaling a sigh, he leaned against the wall and tucked his arms into his sleeves.

I'll just rest my eyes for a little while.

Sleep claimed the hanyou within mere minutes.