InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 30: The Center Cannot Hold ( Chapter 30 )

Chapter 30: The Center Cannot Hold

"Sesshoumaru," Teles breathed.

The youkai lord's sudden presence caught both the monk and former goddess off-guard, but while the monk only turned to look at Sesshoumaru, a faintly surprised expression on his face, Teles swallowed hard and paled. Her stomach churned and dropped, leaving her slightly nauseous, and she felt as if her entire body had broken out in a film of sweat.

Sesshoumaru regarded his mate and the houshi for a moment before taking a few steps forward. He'd landed around the corner just in time to hear Teles' flippant remark, and had then felt a tiny spark of hope flaring up in his chest. But now... now he saw the way she seemed to shrink from him, paling suddenly, and found he had to bite off the snarl that formed in his throat. Damn it.

A perplexed frown lighted on the monk's forehead as Miroku glanced at the woman standing next to him; he was startled to see how pallid her complexion had become. What the hell?

Teles stepped away from the monk, hastily extricating her arm from his. "Miroku...sama was just encouraging me to return to the warmth of the den," she said quickly, pulling the borrowed kesa from around her shoulders and handing it back to Miroku. "Houshi-sama, I thank you for the use of your kesa." Biting her lip, she stole a quick glance at her mate and cringed inwardly. He heard me? Damn it all to the Underworld and back, he HEARD me! Damn, damn, and double damn!

Perplexed, Miroku took the kesa. "You're... welcome?" His brows furrowed; he'd never seen such a rapid change in anyone, and could barely believe that this was the same woman he'd been speaking with earlier.

Swallowing, Teles nodded, looking again at Sesshoumaru. Eyes unreadable, the demon lord continued to watch her, his arms folded over his chest, hidden in the vast sleeves of his kimono. "I should return. It is far too cold for me to remain outside." Without another word, Teles turned and hurried back toward the warmth of the main hall.

His frown deepening, Miroku slowly wrapped his kesa about him, tying it off. What in all of the gods' names just happened? They had been engaging in pleasant conversation, and then, with Sesshoumaru's appearance -- unexpected though it was -- the calm, good-humored woman vanished, leaving... someone nearly unrecognizable in her place.

Sesshoumaru shot the houshi a sidelong glance, his scowl inwardly deepening. Why is it she can speak freely to you but not to me? Is it because you are mortal? Does she wish to experience being among humans? Does she regret becoming my mate? Foolish. How could she not? So much has changed for her...

The fine hairs at the back of the young monk's neck prickled and he looked quickly to the side to find that Sesshoumaru was watching him with an unreadable, although not entirely benign expression. Their eyes met for only the briefest moment before the demon lord gave a curt nod and took a few steps into the cavern. Miroku tightened his jaw in determination. Now. Say it now. If she is in pain, it is your duty to notify her mate. If something is indeed wrong, you will not be able to forgive yourself if you don't say something now. He cleared his throat softly. "Lord Sesshoumaru."

The youkai's steps stopped suddenly as he felt a wave of frustration and anger wash over him, irrationally directed at the houshi. "What?" he managed through clenched teeth, the words a growl.

Swearing silently at the obvious irritation in the youkai lord's tone, Miroku schooled his voice into its calmest, most reasonable timbre. "We were led to believe that you would not be returning for another day. This is quite a surprise."

Turning, Sesshoumaru arched an eyebrow as he regarded the monk. "How is returning to my home a matter of any concern to you whatsoever?"

Maintaining his neutral expression, though his discomfiture had already doubled under the intense, displeased gaze, Miroku gave a graceful shrug of the shoulders. "It is my concern because there was a matter about which I was somewhat curious. I had hoped to have the opportunity to speak with you on it."

"What would that be?" Sesshoumaru asked, a thread of surprise weaving its way through the overlying anger.

"As Inuyasha's elder brother, you are the only one among us with any exposure to hanyou births," Miroku replied coolly. "I am curious as to the extent of your knowledge on the subject, since you were alive during the time his mother was pregnant with him."

Sesshoumaru's answer was curt and concise. "I know very little about the subject." Since I spent most of that time wishing she might expire. Without another word, he turned, his steps taking him further into the den.

"I see," Miroku replied slowly. He tightened his jaw and appeared to debate something internally for a few moments, watching the youkai lord's retreating back. "...It would appear that Lady Teles has been experiencing a great deal of pain as of late. While she insists it is no cause for alarm, I am not entirely convinced."

The slow, gliding steps stopped immediately. "Pain?" he asked hesitantly, turning around slowly to stare at the human. When the monk nodded, Sesshoumaru's only response was a narrowing of the eyes as he turned again and swept into the cavern, leaving behind a bewildered, and increasingly more worried Miroku.

Sesshoumaru's search was mercifully short. He found his mate standing by the fire while his half-brother's companions busied themselves quietly. He glided up to Teles. "I must speak with you," he said, his soft tone brooking no argument.

Teles closed her eyes at the silken voice, fighting off the apprehension that clutched at her chest. "Very well," she replied, nodding slowly. In an instant, Sesshoumaru had grasped her by the elbow and was walking her to their chambers.

Once they were gone, Kagome looked up from her homework, frowning a bit before glancing curiously at Sango. "That was... strange."

Sango, who had been tightening the bindings on Hiraikotsu, nodded slowly. She opened her mouth to say something more when Miroku entered shortly thereafter. He appears troubled, she thought with a concerned frown. No, Sango corrected herself. Not troubled. He looks... worried.

Once in the privacy of their chambers, Sesshoumaru slid the rice paper door shut before turning to glare heatedly at his mate. "The pup hurts you," he said, his voice heavy with accusation.

Hesitating for only a moment, Teles nodded slowly. "He is larger now. Stronger. It stands to reason he would be more active," she replied, striving to keep her voice even and her tone rational.

Tightening his jaw painfully, the youkai clenched his hands into fists so he would not grab her by the shoulders, though he dearly wanted to. "Why have you not told me this?" he demanded. And what else are you not telling me?

Gnawing lightly on her lower lip, Teles replied softly, "You have had much else on your mind." It wasn't what she wanted to say. She wanted to shove him backwards with all of her might and remind him of the many days he himself had spent away from the den. But when she heard her mate's sudden snarl, the former goddess was convinced that such a thing would not have been wise. The noise made her flinch, despite her best efforts, and Teles was glad that she did not remind him of his extended absences.

Noting the slight movement with sharp eyes, Sesshoumaru swallowed a renewed snarl. Setting his jaw, he kept his gaze fixed on Teles, and when he spoke, his voice was very soft. "Obviously, there are things we need to discuss."

Unable to meet his eyes, Teles looked at the middle distance, and when she spoke, she did so slowly, weighing her words carefully. "I am not familiar with the ways of human pregnancy. From what I have learned... it is largely comprised of pain and discomfort."

"And you did not feel that this was something I should know," he riposted bitterly. "Because I have so many other... responsibilities." To his horror, an ache blossomed in his chest at the knowledge that she had been keeping such a thing from him.

Forcing herself to meet the angry gaze, Teles managed, "If it is a painful process, telling you one way or another would not change that fact." She strove to keep her voice steady, but it was increasingly difficult to do so while her mate's eyes darkened almost to bronze before her eyes.

Sesshoumaru swallowed and nodded. "I see," he said quietly.

Looking away, the former goddess hugged her arms around herself, pulling both the blanket and kimono more securely around her body. "I... I only just recently learned of the details surrounding human births myself," she said, silently praying that her words would somehow appease him. Do not be angry, please. Please, not now. At Sesshoumaru's silent nod, Teles looked down for a moment before saying quietly, "There is no way it could NOT be painful."

The youkai lord stared at his mate for several long moments. When he finally did speak, his voice dripped with caustic bitterness. "Well. If you learn anything that you think I might care to know, do tell me." He watched as Teles flinched again and looked down once more. Soon the scent of tears met his nose and he swore inwardly. Gritting his teeth, he willed his emotions under control once more. "We will speak more after... your friends leave."

"I am sorry, Sesshoumaru," she breathed, her words barely audible through the tears that choked her. I'm sorry that I am human, that you are burdened with me, that I am no longer what you want.

Sesshoumaru stared at Teles for several long moments, wondering what had become of his mate. After what seemed like an age of silence, he swallowed hard, stalking out of the room and heading for the library. He wanted nothing more than to be around his father's writings. The quiet room with the shelves holding his father's thoughts and reflections was a quiet sanctuary for the youkai lord, and he often closed himself in the room when he desired to think undisturbed.

When she was finally alone, Teles closed her eyes and exhaled a long-held breath. She brought a trembling hand to her forehead and stood completely still for several moments. He was angry. He was, in fact, far angrier than she had ever seen him. Yes, after he had discovered her island hiding-spot Sesshoumaru had been infuriated that she would have so freely jeopardized her chances to return to Olympus. He had been angry then, of course. But the rage that had crackled in his eyes on that beach did not compare to the acidic tone that wove through his words now.

The fact that he was there, in the den, was almost more than she could bear. Sorrow and frustration made her chest contract and she struggled to inhale as burning tears fought against the lids of her eyes. Better for him to have stayed away than to have returned thus.

Swallowing a sob, Teles slowly lowered herself to the futon, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. He was angry -- and the reprieve that Inuyasha and his friends offered with their presence was only temporary.

Standing at the end of one of the vast corridors, Kagome caught a glimpse of Sesshoumaru leaving the bedchambers, closing the door firmly behind him. She first noticed his posture -- he moved stiffly, his hands curled into fists at his sides. Then she noticed the look on his face. She immediately drew her lower lip in between her teeth and chewed on it, worried.

Sango stood closely behind the miko. Once Sesshoumaru disappeared from sight, she murmured softly, "That... doesn't bode well."

"No," Kagome breathed. "It really doesn't. Do you think... should we go see if she's okay?" Her brows contracted immediately. "Or... no, she's probably not okay, but..."

Miroku stood a few yards behind the two young women, his forehead creasing in concern. Cold tendrils of worry unfurled in his veins, and it left him feeling vaguely queasy. He was a man left with the creeping suspicion that he'd made a gross miscalculation. Damn it. Damn it all.

"I'm... not sure," was Sango's reply.

Closing his eyes and berating himself for so completely misjudging the situation, he replied. "I believe Teles-sama would prefer to be left alone at the moment."

Kagome nodded slowly, turning around and taking a few hesitant steps towards the fire. "You don't think..." she paused thoughtfully. "I mean... is it a good idea to leave them alone at all? Do you think?"

Sango licked her lips quickly. "Well, Kagome-chan... it... it seems to me..." She trailed off, remembering what Miroku had told her the previous night. No, all was not well here, but if something were truly wrong, if Teles or the pup were in any jeopardy whatsoever, certainly Miroku would have said something before now. She glanced behind her, noting the houshi's presence. She read his expression quickly, taking in the concern in his eyes and the worried line of his mouth. This must have been what Miroku was talking about. She looked at him for a fragment of a second when he shook his head briefly. Sango gave an almost imperceptible nod. If he isn't going to say anything, then I... probably shouldn't either. "If... if they're arguing, perhaps we should simply give them room to do so?"

"I agree, Sango," came Miroku's soft reply. "We shouldn't leave simply because Sesshoumaru seems displeased at one thing or another."

"I guess..." Kagome said, still frowning. She saw that Sesshoumaru seemed to be heading in the direction of the library and her frown deepened. Well, if something's really wrong, Inuyasha will probably pick up on it.

Having finally reached his sanctuary, Sesshoumaru slid the door to the library open. It took a moment for him to register the sight, and when he did, he found he could only blink in surprise at what awaited him there. His half-brother was asleep against one of the walls, a blanket tucked neatly around his body. But the spell of slumber broke when Sesshoumaru opened the door; the sudden sound combined with the youkai lord's scent jerked Inuyasha awake.

Nonplussed, Sesshoumaru stared down at his younger brother, a trace of memory teasing at his mind. For a moment, he could see this room the way it was so many years ago, his father seated at the low, black table, writing intently as a much younger Inuyasha played quietly on the floor. For a moment, Sesshoumaru could remember vividly the fury he had felt as he'd stood in that very spot, decades before. And then, just as quickly as it surfaced, the memory faded into the background.

There was a beat of silence as Inuyasha blinked up at his brother, who was looking back at him, his eyebrow slowly arching. "Exiled to the library?" Sesshoumaru asked.

Inuyasha glanced down at the scrolls littering the table. "Not exiled. Just reading." At the youkai lord's nod, Inuyasha looked up at the many shelves. "Have you... read all of them?"

"Most of them," Sesshoumaru replied, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. "There were a few that..." He paused suddenly; Sesshoumaru had never bothered to read any of his father's words about Naoko -- or Inuyasha for that matter. In fact, the youkai lord had never, in all of his years, managed to bring himself to read any of his father's thoughts captured about his own mother. "Well," he said, clearing his throat. "I mainly read the more... official scrolls. Politics, strategies, battles and the like."

Inuyasha nodded slowly before swallowing hard, his eyes going back to the polished surface of the table. "I didn't know you found him." Pausing for a moment, the hanyou chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. "I found a few of your... earlier entries. But... after I read it... I... wasn't surprised."

As the memory surged up, an old ache mingled with the fresh hurt. Sesshoumaru sank slowly down onto one of the mats gracing the floor. "Yes," he said, decades worth of hurt conveyed in a single word.

Hearing the ragged tone, Inuyasha kept his eyes trained on the tabletop. "They... they've filled in a lot of the... holes in my memory." Idly he wondered how clearly Sesshoumaru remembered their father compared to Inuyasha's own hazy recollections of the past.

Sesshoumaru nodded slowly. That only made sense -- the more Inuyasha read of their father's journals, the more he would remember. Suddenly his eyebrows drew together in question. "What do you remember now?"

Shrugging, Inuyasha lifted his eyes from the scrolls and looked into his brother's face. "His face, his voice... things like that."

The youkai lord's throat moved as he swallowed. "I hadn't realized you didn't remember that." His own memories were clear, for the number of years he'd been holding on to them. It only makes sense. I was so much older than he... "What else do you recall?"

Inuyasha paused thoughtfully. "I remember... " He shook his head slowly, his mind rifling through the new store of memories it had. "Random things. Mostly just being small."

"You look more like him now," Sesshoumaru said, a bit abruptly. At the hanyou's surprised expression, the youkai shrugged gracefully. "When you were younger, you looked quite like your mother. But..."

It took Inuyasha several seconds to get over the shock of his brother's words. "I... I never noticed that, but..."

Sesshoumaru's smile was sad and slightly wry. "Well, no."

Inuyasha's expression grew distant for a moment as he wrestled with the words forming in his chest. "I..." he began slowly before clamping his mouth shut. Glancing up, he saw his older brother watching him with none of the scorn or derision he'd grown so accustomed to over the years. Swallowing hard, he continued. "I never understood why you... hated me. Even when I was a pup, I didn't get it." He gave a dry chuckle, shaking his head. "I remember wishin' more than anythin' else that I could turn into a big-ass dog like you could." He paused before continuing softly. "I wanted to be just like you when I was younger." Suddenly feeling as if he'd said too much, Inuyasha quickly shifted his attention back to the scrolls. "There's one I think you should look at -- if you haven't already..."

"Yes?" Sesshoumaru replied, leaning forward slightly. He himself was somewhat surprised at the conflicting emotions his half-brother's words aroused. He was surprised to hear such a thing, of course, and was mildly disappointed at the abrupt change in subject. However, he did not let his expression reveal that truth. Instead, he watched as Inuyasha sifted through various scrolls -- some open, some not -- before he found the one he'd been searching for. Without a word, Inuyasha handed Sesshoumaru the scroll and Sesshoumaru, much to his surprise, was remarkably hesitant to read the characters so obviously in his father's hand. Finally he steeled himself and let his eyes skim the distinctively written kanji.

... I find myself occasionally amazed by Sesshoumaru's dutiful nature, and oftentimes pleasantly surprised by it. I am not fool enough to believe he will embrace Naoko and Inuyasha overnight, not when Tsukiko's death still stings him so deeply. But I hope -- with time, of course -- he may come to accept them. And if I must utilize my role as his father to nudge him along, then so be it. I instructed him today that he was to assume his true form and take Inuyasha for a short ride. The look he gave me nearly caused me to laugh out loud at the same time it almost brought tears to my eyes -- he looked so very much like Tsukiko at that moment. It did not please him, but he took the pup for a ride. Inuyasha, of course, was beside himself. I had no doubt of that -- the child adores him.

After reading the short passage, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a moment, the memories surging back with a strength that shocked him. It took the youkai several moments to compose his thoughts. "The... the last thing... he said to me," he uttered, his voice suddenly haggard and rough, nothing like its usual smooth tone. Closing his eyes, he nearly wished the vibrant memories would subside, so great was the pain they caused.

His steps quickened as the air grew increasingly heavy with the scent of blood. He could also catch the faintest thread of corruption in the air -- rot or infection lingering like a nightmare beneath the surface. His jaw tightened as he came to the cliffs and canyon. First he saw Ryuukossai's enormous body and, thinking him dead, was flooded with relief. But, no... something wasn't quite right. The scent -- it was far too familiar.

Anxiety wound in his gut, making him nauseous. He swallowed against the sensation as he scanned the base of the canyon for any sign of his father. Surely, if Ryuukossai was dead --

Sesshoumaru looked again at the dragon's massive body and his stomach turned in horror as he realized that Ryuukossai was not dead. He was merely sealed.

With that realization, he ran, scrambling down the cliffs. There the scent of blood was even more overpowering. So much so that, for a moment, he was disoriented -- he could not tell from which direction the smell had originated.

He cast about wildly until a ragged, hoarse cough caught his ear. He whirled and ran, following the sound until he found his father leaning against the canyon wall, his legs stretched out before him. One leg was completely crushed, twisted violently at an unnatural angle; the other appeared to have escaped the same fate.

"Sesshoumaru," his father managed.

He knelt down next to the youkai lord's body. "I'm here, Father." He swallowed hard -- his heart was hammering mercilessly in his chest, and a sensation wholly foreign to him, but which he knew was panic, slid down his spine.

Unfocused golden eyes settled on him and Sesshoumaru felt faintly ill. "Tell me, Father. Tell me what to do." He shook his head, mentally cataloging the elder youkai's injuries, which were not limited to his legs; as Sesshoumaru looked down he saw that something had charred and pierced his father's armor, and the wound was still seeping with blood, the sickly-sweet scent of decay intertwined within -- it was not healing, and it would not, no matter how much time it was given. He clamped down on the sorrow that threatened to drown him. Again. It was happening again. "Tell me what to do," he repeated slowly and clearly.

"You already know," was the weak reply.

"No," the younger youkai answered sharply. "No, I don't."

Inutaisho regarded Sesshoumaru with a steady gaze. "You will take charge of the lands. You will rule them. You will maintain order. You will be the youkai lord of the western lands. It is what I have been grooming you for, Sesshoumaru."

Closing his eyes and nodding once, the younger youkai managed a soft reply. "Yes, sir."

"You are a natural leader, my son."

No, I am not, he thought. But he kept his musings to himself. "Yes, Father."

"You will succeed."

Again, he nodded, making a show of confidence he did not feel. "Is there anything else, Father?"

There was a brief pause, and Sesshoumaru thought for a moment that his father was already gone. A thready intake of breath washed away the icy fear for a moment. "I loved your mother, Sesshoumaru. More than you may understand right now. But I hope -- for your sake -- that you are able to understand some day."

Traitorous moisture pricked at his lids, but he willed the sensation away. Slowly he nodded.

"My heart slows, Sesshoumaru."

"Yes, Father," he whispered.

"Forgive them."

He blinked. "Forgive them?"

"Inuyasha. Naoko," he managed softly. "Do not blame them for Tsukiko's death. They do not deserve your odium, my son. Of anyone, I cannot think of two less deserving souls." There came another struggle for breath, and Sesshoumaru wished his father would simply rest for a moment, but the youkai lord was far too stubborn for such a thing, so Sesshoumaru did not suggest it. " The boy loves you; he will look to you for guidance. It will be your responsibility to ensure that he grows with an understanding of his heritage -- his lineage. There is no one else, Sesshoumaru. A hanyou with no understanding of his line is... just another hanyou. Inuyasha is your brother. Our blood runs through his veins."

Swallowing hard, Sesshoumaru searched inwardly for the calm he'd always managed to attain, even when he did not feel calm. He inhaled slowly. "The last thing he asked of me," he repeated, "was to forgive Naoko. To forgive you. To...." Sesshoumaru stopped suddenly, his innate calm threatened as an abominable ache began thrumming through his chest; failure and lingering resentment blossomed, twining around the realization that this "dutiful" son hadn't followed his father's final order. "He knew you were likely to have difficulty. He... wanted me to do what I could for you," the youkai murmured, having an increasingly difficult time keeping his gaze on his brother's eyes. When Inuyasha's expression grew wry, Sesshoumaru felt himself give an almost imperceptible wince.

The dry crackle in Inuyasha's eyes faded as his dark brows lowered thoughtfully. He was quiet for several seconds. "Y'know," he began, his voice husky, "I... I think, if it was me... I would've been mad too."

"At the time... all I could think about... I was angry. That he wanted me to take care of you seemed... a monstrous imposition." He closed his eyes as he slowly rolled the scroll, holding on to the parchment as if it held something beyond mere words. "When he found your mother... it felt like he had betrayed mine. As if they were not true mates."

Inuyasha nodded, a sharp pain slicing through him at the idea that his mother might not have been their father's "true" mate. He suddenly felt very cold.

Opening his eyes, Sesshoumaru stared at the scroll in his hand, his mind replaying his father's final words to him, over and over again. "Of course..." He was quiet for a moment before giving a soft sigh. "Perhaps they both were."

Stealing a glance at his brother, Inuyasha pressed his lips together thoughtfully. "No way to know."

"No, I suppose there is not." He was quiet for several seconds, contemplating the black sheen of the tabletop and the way the lamplight reflected it. "I wonder if this will help him forgive me for not obeying that final order."

Inuyasha did not speak for several very long seconds. It would have been easy to toss back a sharp reply -- too easy. Instead, he weighed his words carefully. "I think... I think, maybe... what you do with your kid... If you want his forgiveness -- Dad's, I mean..." He glanced at Sesshoumaru and could very nearly see the dread weighing on him, made evident in the grim line of his mouth and the slight slouch of his shoulders. "What he told you -- it wasn't a lie. Things're gonna be hard for the pup."

The reply came automatically. "I will protect my son."

Inuyasha's reply was soft, but behind the words lurked an intensity that even the youkai lord could not ignore. "I want to help."

One dark eyebrow tilted slightly. "Oh?"

The hanyou nodded, determination evident in the stubborn line of his jaw. "I want to be around. I want to be there for him."

Sesshoumaru was quiet for nearly a full minute. "I... think Father would want you. To help my son. I.... think that would be wise as well."

Inuyasha nodded once, concealing the relief flooding his veins at that moment. "All right, then." He frowned absently, one ear flicking as a thought occurred to him. "Uh, Sesshoumaru, I just got one question."

"And that is?"

"Uhm... what if your son... ain't a son at all?"

Sesshoumaru grew very still all of a sudden. His mind, which had been overrun with painful memories, was suddenly flooded with a series of completely different images.

A daughter?

He'd simply assumed that their child would be a boy. But now Sesshoumaru realized the folly of such an assumption. He thought for a moment about Teles -- as he preferred to remember her -- and considered that in combination with what he already knew of young girls through his various experiences with Rin. The train of thought very nearly made him groan aloud. "If it is a girl, then..." He felt Inuyasha's eyes on him, mirth reflected in the amber orbs. Sesshoumaru shook his head and sighed. "I do not know what I will do."

Inuyasha chuckled. "The great youkai lord of the western lands -- without a backup plan, eh? First time for everything."

The youkai arched an eyebrow at his half-brother, snorting softly. "Well, if it is a girl, I suppose she will end up ruling the western lands. Certainly I am not foolish enough to tell her mother I think our daughter incapable of it." He stopped suddenly and swallowed. The other Teles, his Teles would have been indignant at the idea, but now...

Sesshoumaru nearly shook his head to shift his train of thought. "Luckily," he said, deftly changing the topic, "whether male or female, I believe I have an excellent idea of what not to do. Not attempting to kill him -- or her -- will go quite a long way, I should think."

"It's a start," Inuyasha replied, stretching slightly. As he did so, he brought his hand up and rubbed reflexively at his right eye. "And... I'd recommend thinkin' twice before hiding a sword in his -- or her -- eye."

Sesshoumaru's mouth twitched in amusement while at the same time a distant part of his mind acknowledged that, yes, the pup would need something to seal his youkai blood. If not a sword, then... something. "Why?"

"'Cause it hurts like a fucker gettin' it out," was the flat response. Suddenly, Inuyasha blinked, the cold realization of that altercation hitting him. "But then... I guess it didn't feel too great for you, either."

There was a beat of silence and Sesshoumaru nodded once. "Of course.... nothing lasts these days," he said, holding up his left hand.

Inuyasha stared in utter stupefaction. "...How the hell?"

"Teles' mother," he answered, staring at the new appendage with a faint smile. After a moment, the smile faded. "...To protect her. And the pup."

"Hell of a gift," Inuyasha replied, duly impressed. Sesshoumaru only nodded, and for a moment, Inuyasha noticed that the demon lord seemed more than usually pensive about something. Yes, their conversation was... well, they were actually having a conversation, which was definitely something new. But all the same, Sesshoumaru appeared bothered by something. Chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip for a moment, Inuyasha decided to weather the storm. "So..."

The demon lord looked up, his mind temporarily pulled away from its maudlin track. "Yes?"

Inuyasha swallowed hard. "You weren't s'posed to come back till we were gone. What happened?"

Smothering a sigh, Sesshoumaru grumbled, "Why is returning to my own home so very unnerving to all of you?"

"Well, when you leave such a fuckin' weak excuse for bein' gone in the first place..."

Gritting his teeth, the youkai lord spoke softly, slowly, and clearly, hoping to put an end to the discussion. "I wished to come back, and so I did."

Inuyasha arched a wry eyebrow. "And... those youkai and their 'burst of activity'? First of all, there ain't no 'final burst of activity' before winter sets in. Second of all, even if there WAS, there ain't no youkai left in the western lands to HAVE a burst of activity."

Sesshoumaru sent his brother a blank look. "I do not wish to discuss it." My life was so much easier before I decided to stop trying to kill you.

Inuyasha felt a slight sting at the elder youkai's words and tone, but he pushed it aside with a shrug of the shoulders. "Fine. Whatever." He moved closer to the table and began rolling up the scrolls he'd already read, gathering them into his arms, and putting them back on the shelves. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sesshoumaru move as well, engaging in the same activity.

The silence that stretched out between the brothers was filled only with the soft sounds of rolling parchment and scrolls being slid across wood as they were put back into their rightful spots on the shelves. It wasn't quite a companionable silence, but not as tense as it could have been, either.

Once that task was complete, Sesshoumaru picked up the blanket that had fallen from Inuyasha's shoulders when he first woke. Folding it neatly, he regarded his brother with a gleam in his eye that was almost amusement. If he could not provoke his mate, there was always someone he could provoke, though to entirely different ends. "Since you are so interested in my child..."

Inuyasha looked up from the shelf he was absently organizing. "Huh?"

"Tell me, brother, what's your preference in children?"

The hanyou's embarrassed flush was immediate when he saw what Sesshoumaru held in his hands. "I don't got a preference," he muttered.

"No?" Sesshoumaru asked, folding the blanket neatly.

"No." He swallowed hard and tried to appear as if it didn't matter one way or the other. "Don't know where that came from. I was asleep, and then it showed up."

Sniffing the folded coverlet, Sesshoumaru arched an eyebrow at his brother. "Don't know?"

"I know where it came from," he replied impatiently. And who it came from. "I just... don't know when it showed up."

"Ah," Sesshoumaru said, nodding once in apparent understanding, glancing down at the blanket. He pressed his lips together in thought before he looked up again, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "...Well, at least it's a step in the right direction. The trick, of course, is to get her under the blanket at the same time, you see."

He would have thought it impossible, but Inuyasha's blush deepened further. "The fuck're you tryin' to do here?"

Keeping his expression bland, Sesshoumaru shook his head. "Merely give you advice."

"I don't need your advice," the hanyou replied sharply.

"...Of course not."

"You got your mate. Don't go tryin' to tell me how to--" he bit the words off suddenly.

The faint amusement in his eyes extinguished at the reminder of his mate, Sesshoumaru set the blanket down on the table. "I beg your pardon."

Setting the last scroll on the shelf, Inuyasha crossed the room and picked up he folded blanket, surreptitiously inhaling his and Kagome's scents, wound around each other. Suddenly it seemed like there was nothing left to do in the room. Indeed, there was not. The scrolls were rolled up and put away, and the library appeared much as it had when he'd first arrived. "Well," Inuyasha said somewhat awkwardly, "I figure you came in here for somethin', so..."

Sesshoumaru nodded slowly. "However... if you wish to read more of Father's scrolls..."

Inuyasha walked slowly to the rice paper door, pulling it open. "I do." Without another word, he walked out silently, sliding the door shut behind him.

Finally alone, Sesshoumaru sunk down on the mat behind the low desk, letting out a long, ragged sigh. He sat cross-legged, leaning one elbow on the table, that hand pinching the bridge of his nose. How is it possible that some things should be going so well, while others are going so very badly?

Several hours later, during which time Sesshoumaru remained in the library, the small group of traveling companions found themselves sitting around the fire, talking softly amongst themselves. Inuyasha was increasingly curious at Teles' reluctance to come out of her room for an extended period of time, even if he tried not to show it. His brother's mate had emerged from her room long enough to get something to eat, returning to her chambers soon thereafter. They'd all noticed her subdued demeanor, but none of them knew exactly what to say about it.

As she worked through the problems in her math book, Kagome turned the situation over in her mind. She knew that couples argued; relationships weren't perfect, whether here or back home. Intellectually, she knew that even the happiest, most content couples had disagreements. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that something more than just an argument was bothering Teles. Still, she thought, chewing on the end of her pencil, if something was really wrong, Inuyasha would've picked up on it. He was talking to Sesshoumaru for long enough. Maybe the pup's just bothering her. Mama was always tired when she was pregnant with Souta. Whatever it is, they'll probably figure it out.

Before long, the sun began to sink in the sky, and it was decided that if they were to be leaving at first light the next morning, it would be nice to spend a little bit of social, relaxing time with Teles and the pup, since Sesshoumaru did not seem predisposed to emerging from the library any time soon. There was, however, the small matter of someone being sent to collect the pregnant woman, or at least see if she had any interest in joining them.

"I'll go," Miroku said quietly.

"You?" Inuyasha's expression as well as his voice made clear his incredulity.

Just as the monk opened his mouth to speak, Sango's voice -- clear, if soft -- cut him off. "I agree. I think houshi-sama should fetch Teles-sama."

Kagome, who had been observing the entire exchange through the fall of her bangs as she bent over her math book, blinked and looked up at Sango. Any questions she might have had were washed away by the calm in the taiji-ya's eyes, and the serene, determined line of her mouth. Without a word, Kagome nodded and looked back down at her book, more than marginally surprised -- and embarrassed -- to find that she had doodled Inuyasha's name in the margin of her notebook. Coloring suddenly, she erased it and forced herself to concentrate on problem number forty-two.

The houshi pushed himself to his feet and walked quietly to the bedchambers shared by the youkai lord and his mate. He rapped softly on the frame of the screen and waited. Several seconds passed before a soft, female voice floated out from the depths of the chamber, muffled only slightly by the door.

"Come in."

He slid the door open and peered inside. He saw the former goddess on the futon, lying quietly on her side. She did not look up when he entered, and he felt concern blossom in his chest once more. "Teles?" he said softly. The pregnant woman looked up and regarded him in the dim, flickering light of the room. Swallowing, Miroku crossed the room and knelt by the futon. "We were thinking... would you like to come out and spend the evening with us? Since we're leaving tomorrow..."

There was a beat of silence as she considered the offer. After a moment, she nodded. "I would."

Miroku sent Teles a reassuring smile, offering his arm as she slowly started to sit up and right herself. As she did so, he noticed that her eyes were swollen, and her face appeared blotchy. It's just a trick of the light, he told himself, but the lie fell flat.

Teles sat upon the futon, pressing cool fingers against her face. She was quiet for several seconds before looking up at Miroku, who was watching her patiently. "You're... leaving tomorrow?" When he nodded, she sighed. "I did not realize the time would pass so quickly."

"I'm afraid so," he said quietly. "But... I won't do it with an easy heart if you're not content." Her smile was faint, at war with the sadness in her eyes. He did not know what Sesshoumaru could have possibly said to her, but he was beginning to comprehend much of what she meant during that long conversation in the cool autumn rain.

"You are kind, little monk." After a moment, she bit her lip softly. Though he would not ask, Miroku's curiosity was writ large on his face. When she spoke, her voice was soft -- barely a whisper. "He is angry... that I did not tell him about the pup myself." The monk's wince was almost immediate. "That I did not tell him... sooner."

"Dammit." He closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. He hadn't thought notifying Sesshoumaru would bring repercussions of this sort, certainly. He could understand that concern for his mate and child might have caused the demon lord to react with protectiveness, but anger? He blew out a breath. "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault," she replied, offering a small shrug of the shoulders. "I should have told him. I... I simply did not believe it was out of the ordinary."

"..Just because it isn't out of the ordinary doesn't mean he doesn't want to know."

"As I learned," she said, a hint of cynicism in her tone. Slowly, she used the houshi's arm to begin the arduous process of getting to her feet. He stood quickly, helping her; he noticed that her movements were slower, without motivation. It was as if something unseen were weighing her down. "I'm sure he'll let me know exactly what he wants me to tell him."

Miroku frowned as he helped the pregnant woman. I don't like the sound of that -- not at all. He'd seen much in his time -- particularly the unkindness paid one human being upon another. Very little shocked him, and he was sometimes hesitant to admit such a thing. But to imagine that Sesshoumaru would visit such behavior on his mate -- a woman he'd traveled great distances to save -- stymied the monk. He didn't know whether it was truly impossible, or if he just didn't want to imagine that it was.

He put his arms around the youkai's mate in a friendly hug. "I'm sorry."

Teles rested her head against Miroku's shoulder, relieved at the comfort, and yet troubled by the fact that it would not have an opportunity to last. Closing her eyes, she murmured, "I realize why this is a punishment now. I was not meant to become human. For years -- millennia -- I was a goddess. I had power, authority, devotees; there were creatures that obeyed my every whim -- even the water obeyed me. And now... now I cannot look in the eye the creature I gave myself to. A creature that, a mere century ago, I would not have thought twice about killing. And now... I have become something completely unlike what I had always been."

Miroku gave a sigh. He could only imagine her predicament, and imagining it was painful enough. "But, you are human now. And... apparently you were meant to be."

A soft, dry laugh came from his shoulder. "And... and you, sneaky houshi, are throwing my words back at me."

He smiled, chuckling in turn, relieved to have been able to make her laugh, even for a moment. "I am a sneaky houshi." Pulling away gently, he looked down at her. "Now, we'd better get out there before Inuyasha comes storming in, assuming that I've plied you with my seductive wiles," he said, offering her his arm while sending her a mock-roguish grin. Miroku felt a flutter of relief when she tried unsuccessfully to smother her smile, laughing quietly instead. With that, he escorted her into the main hall where the rest of his companions were gathered. The small group chattered animatedly until the hour had grown quite late. As they talked, sharing humorous anecdotes, Miroku noticed that more and more of the former goddess' unhappiness and preoccupation melted away with every hour.

The young monk didn't say so, but it was his opinion that mirth suited the youkai's mate far better than sadness ever could have.

He only wished Sesshoumaru would realize that.

Far away from the den, up in the craggy cliffs overlooking the western lands, a lone figure sat beneath a tall tree as the sky turned orange around him, the sunset setting the horizon ablaze. Though night was steadily approaching and the wind was blowing, and though it was more than slightly chilly, the figure remained motionless.

It wasn't often that Jaken found himself in such a completely unfamiliar situation. Certainly, he'd been in his fair share -- more than his fair share, really -- of strange situations, but this... this was wholly new territory.

He'd begun to doubt his lord.

The toad youkai was not used to doubting his Sesshoumaru-sama. In fact, expressing any doubt whatsoever often led to head trauma -- sometimes quite severe head trauma. But this... this was different. It was so very different -- unnerving, really -- that it had sent Jaken off by himself for some time to think. He doubted that his lord would notice his absence. He'd been so very distracted as of late.

Ever since the water goddess had been transformed into a human, Jaken had noticed that his lord had taken to treating her differently. Given his lord's predisposition to humans, this didn't really surprise the toad youkai. What he secretly wondered was why his Sesshoumaru-sama simply had not released the human woman as his mate. Granted, it was not such a thing commonly done, but it was not utterly unheard of. His Sesshoumaru-sama was not treating his mate how one would treat one's mate. Privately, Jaken had assumed that his lord kept the woman with him out of honor -- duty.

Now, however, he wasn't so sure.

He sighed, the weight of his confusion settling heavily on his small shoulders. "He certainly gets defensive over her," he murmured to himself. Jaken had not so easily forgotten his earlier verbal slip -- the one that had sent him sailing through the air until he hit the trunk of an unforgiving tree.

'It only occurred to me that, perhaps, my lord, a human woman might not be a worthy mate for someone as great and mighty as yourself...'

No, perhaps that hadn't been the wisest thing to say to his lord. Initially, Jaken had interpreted his Sesshoumaru-sama's reaction as one of anger -- well, anger at being reminded of his mistakes. His lord did not like to be doubted. But now...

Contrary to popular belief, the toad youkai was not stupid. He was a great many other things -- bungling, inept, and he had the very bad habit of babbling nervously when situations grew tense. But a complete idiot he was not.

Jaken knew the western lands were completely void of youkai. They had been for some weeks now. There was no point in pretending otherwise. Jaken also knew that when his lord was displeased, he grew violent.

By Jaken's humble estimation, if the western lands were any indication, his Sesshoumaru-sama was very displeased.

And then they had fled into the mountainous terrain, presumably to patrol the area for youkai. But, since there were no youkai, patrolling the area for youkai was an exercise in futility.

Was Jaken going to point this out to his lord? Of course not. He wasn't an utter imbecile, after all.

But, after watching the inuyoukai brood for almost three days, Jaken found himself re-evaluating his master's behavior. He watched over the den like an ever-present, protective spirit, seldom moving from his spot on the cliffs. This was not the behavior of one who deemed his mating a mistake.

Eventually, on the eve of the second day, Jaken had worked up the nerve to ask his lord about it. He'd been tending their small fire after a long day of... well, of doing not much of anything, really. His lord had been quiet and pensive for the whole day, and it was beginning to appear as if the brooding was going to extend on into the night.

'Of course, perhaps I don't understand how these things are done; she is after all, a human and a foreigner to boot...' He'd said the words carefully, poking at the fire with a long stick.

The youkai's glare was cool, and Jaken's cringe had been immediate. The words were spoken slowly, calmly. 'She is my mate, Jaken,' he said, leaning back against the base of an ancient tree, the fur he wore cushioning him.

'Y-yes, my lord.'

'And you will show her the same respect you show me.'

'Yes, of course, Sesshoumaru-sama.'

'And if you have anything of substance to say, please continue. Otherwise, do not.'

Jaken sighed thoughtfully, replaying the conversation over and over again in his head. His lord was not acting like one who no longer cared for his mate. But then, on the other hand, neither did he act like one who was in love with his mate. His Sesshoumaru-sama's behavior was highly confusing.

'I was... only wondering... why... your attitude seems to have changed so significantly....'

'My attitude?' The words had been spoken blandly with an undertone of ice.

Wincing inwardly, he'd plunged on. 'You and... the hu... Teles...' At the youkai's glare, he had swallowed quickly, correcting himself. 'Teles-sama. You seemed... friendlier before her pregnancy, and I've only wondered...'

'What, precisely, did you wonder?'

'Lord Inutaisho... well, he rather doted on his human mate through her pregnancy. She was prone to fits of melancholy in her later months of bearing Inuyasha, and your father thought it wise to simply indulge her then.'

His lord had then given a regal incline of the head. 'This is not mere melancholy, Jaken.'

'Of course not,' he'd amended quickly.

'I have seen flashes of her true self. I will continue to provoke her until she reasserts herself as my mate. If she does not respond to my attempts...'

'You'll release her?'

'She is my mate, Jaken. She carries my heir. I will not release her as my mate unless she tells me she wishes to be released.'

The toad rubbed thoughtfully at his chin. "Certainly, the woman was troublesome before... and she is far..." he paused, thinking for the right word. "She is far quieter now. And she doesn't argue with Sesshoumaru-sama any more. And, yet, nothing she does seems to please him." The degree of irony present within the situation was not lost on Jaken. The one individual from whom his Sesshoumaru-sama tolerated dissent, expected it -- even desired it -- would not give him what he wished.

And, for the briefest of moments, the toad youkai felt a tiny flash of sympathy for the human woman. No, he didn't like her. He hadn't liked her for quite some time now. And yet, he could not ignore the nearly inaudible sounds that frequently came from her and his lord's shared bedchamber. The woman wept frequently in his Sesshoumaru-sama's absence. And yet, when he was at the den, she shrank from him. She hated his absence, but did not appear to enjoy his presence.

And it was this behavior that was annoying his lord. Behavior that he was determined to try and fix though provocation. Though Jaken would never have voiced such a thing, he had qualms as to whether it would work.

Jaken sighed, shaking his head as he pushed himself to his feet and started back towards the den. He knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of his lord's annoyance, and he knew without a doubt that it was not a pleasant place to be.