InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 33: Where the Heart Is ( Chapter 33 )

A/N: Hugs and chocolate to Merith for the beta before she left for parts unknown, an ofuda for Kat's naughty, apparently possessed laptop, and her heart's desire to Everstar, for reminding me about Pygmalion. And thanks to all of you who left the wonderful thoughtful reviews expressing sympathy regarding my writer's block (more muses are crossing the picket lines daily). You've no idea how much I appreciate it. :)

Chapter 33: Where the Heart Is

Kagome stood, arms folded, staring intently at Kaede's herb garden. Her eyebrows were drawn together in thought, and she seemed to be contemplating something deeply.

Giving a soft sigh, she ground her teeth before muttering softly to herself, "Herbs drying, vegetables picked, little Yuka's kimono mended, stew simmering..." Closing her eyes tightly, Kagome groaned in frustration. Gah! Just go talk to him. Go find him. Setting her jaw, Kagome nodded once. "I'm going. I'm going right now," she said, never moving from her spot. "Right now, I'm going to go find him, and ask him..." trailing off, Kagome bit her lip. "Okay, so maybe I'll go see if Shippou-chan's crayons need sharpening instead."

Shifting her weight nervously from one foot to the other, Kagome's fidgeted, her fingers worrying the thick wool of her sweater. This really shouldn't be such a big deal, she thought, her frown deepening. "It's not like we've never talked before. He's my friend," Kagome rationalized, giving an authoritative nod. Okay, so my friends don't usually kiss me, but still... "He's my best friend. I should be able to go and talk to him." Again she nodded. "That's it. I'm going. Right..." Kagome hedged slightly "...now. Yeah. Now." And still, the girl didn't move. Running a frustrated hand through her hair, Kagome sighed in annoyance. "This is ridiculous. No. No, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to go talk to him now. Right now." With that, she turned, intent upon finding Inuyasha, wherever he might have been, and sitting down with him -- or, perhaps just sitting him -- so she could get a few things off of her mind.

The hanyou in question was perched on the fencepost, watching Kagome curiously. "'Bout what?"

Kagome gave a sudden, sharp yelp, starting backwards a bit. She stared at him for a moment, eyes wide, her mind working furiously. How long had he been there? How much had he heard? In a flash, the young miko recovered herself. "What do you think you're doing, sneaking up on people like that? You could've given me a heart attack!"

Giving a careless shrug of the shoulders, Inuyasha jerked his chin up. "Keh. Whatever. You're the one who don't pay attention. I been here for awhile."

Blinking once, then twice, Kagome managed weakly,"You... have?" Again, Inuyasha shrugged. I'm going to die, right now. Right here -- the ground is going to open up any second now, and... She swallowed hard. "For how long?"

One dark eyebrow twitched. "Long enough to tell ya Shippou's crayons don't need sharpenin'."

Kagome cringed immediately. Oh, gods. Since it appeared that the ground was not going to swallow her whole anytime in the near future, she squared her shoulders, making a conscious decision to pretend that anything she might have said within the last ten minutes had gone completely unheard by Inuyasha. "Well. I've got... stuff," she said lamely. "To do. Lots of stuff." She nodded as she spoke to lend weight to her words. But as she was speaking and nodding and nodding and speaking, a tiny voice located in a far-off corner of her mind was screaming at her. Talk to him, dammit! He's here. Talk to him!

Regarding her steadily, Inuyasha jumped off the fencepost and stood before Kagome, folding his arms in his sleeves. "Whaddya want to talk about?"

Swearing silently, Kagome swallowed, her mind scrambling for something that resembled an explanation. "Me? Um, talk?" Frowning, she pretended to think the matter over for a few moments. "Oh! Oh, you heard me, and you thought that ... right. You thought I meant you. Ah." As she stumbled over her words, Kagome cringed inwardly. Rushing into battle? No problem. Fighting hair demons and demonic birds of paradise? Let me at 'em! Having an actual conversation? With words? Not as easy as you'd think it.

Inuyasha watched Kagome for several long seconds. He'd initially come around to see if she was still planning on going to her own time in the morning -- he hadn't really wanted to examine why it mattered to him any. He simply told himself that he deserved to know. Inhaling, he squared his shoulders. "You got another best friend I should know about?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he swore inwardly. Shit, when did I start thinkin' of myself as her best friend? 'Course, who else would she have meant? The bouzu? Don't think so.

A fiery blush warmed the young girl's cheeks as she looked down, chewing her bottom lip while the toe of her loafer scuffed at the hard ground. "Well... not exactly, no."

"So..."

Kagome took a deep breath before blowing it out. "Yeah. Um, I… well." She gave an inward cringe, rolling her eyes mentally. Great start, Kagome. Great start. The young miko stood stock still for several seconds, staring at Inuyasha, the unspoken question in her eyes. She knew what she wanted to say -- the thoughts were there, floating around in her mind; she just couldn't figure out how to articulate them. Well, saying, "So, nice kiss, huh?" doesn't seem to be the best tactic. "I... was wondering..."

Inuyasha's gaze was focused completely on Kagome, noting the uncertainty in her eyes. A tiny twinge of panic unfurled in the pit of his stomach. Ohhh, fuck. She's... she's gonna... oh, fuck. He cleared his throat, keeping his expression neutral, but it was growing more and more difficult with each passing second. "Yeah?"

Looking down at her hands, as if the meaning of the universe could be found in the dark half-moons of soil and earth under her fingernails, Kagome exhaled softly. A small frown marred her forehead as her fingers slowly worked against each other, scraping the garden dirt out from beneath her fingernails. "The... the other night at the den..."

Swallowing hard, Inuyasha found it difficult to keep his voice steady. "Yeah?" he said again. I'm not sorry for it, dammit. I'm not.

She peered up at him through her bangs and another rush of color flooded her cheeks before she looked back down at her hands again. "The night... that night. You know. When you were reading?"

Inuyasha swallowed, his breathing turning shallow. "Oh. That night."

"Yeah," Kagome murmured quietly, her mind going over the many ways should pose the question.

Shifting his weight and glancing at the ground, searching for something, anything to focus his attention on, Inuyasha cleared his throat once. "What... did you wanna know?" he asked, his voice light and disinterested. He nearly cringed the second the words left his mouth. Whaddya think she wants to know, idiot? Gods, you're not fuckin' stupid, but there are days you sure act like it.

"Um..." Kagome looked around quickly for something to occupy her while she figured out what she wanted to say. Actually, she knew what she wanted to say -- it was just a matter of screwing up the courage and saying it. Her heart was pounding erratically, and she was fairly sure that it wasn't even in her chest anymore; it had by this time migrated upwards into her throat. "I... I guess, what I was wondering was..." she bit her bottom lip hard as she looked up and met his gaze. "What... did it mean?" Sudden panic sluiced through her body as Inuyasha gaped at her. Swearing mentally, she backpedaled, speaking quickly -- too quickly. "Because, if it didn't mean anything, then... then I understand that too."

Starting suddenly, Inuyasha jerked out of his stupefied silence. "Didn't... mean anything?" he sputtered.

"I - I mean," Kagome interjected quickly; the words came out in a rush, as if they could possibly erase the question or just detract from the fact that she'd asked it, "you were tired, and we were all pretty stressed, and Sesshoumaru was gone, and then he came back, and there was weirdness, and Miroku let the fire die out, and then Sango didn't think he was acting weird, so that was pretty strange too--"

"You think I kissed ya 'cause I was tired?" he asked incredulously.

Pulling her sleeves down around her hands, Kagome wrapped her arms around herself, shifting in nervous embarrassment. "Um... the thought... crossed my mind?"

Inuyasha squirmed mentally. Dammit. That's not what you were s'posed to think, Kagome! Swallowing down his own nervousness, he took a step closer to her. "Well, I ain't tired now," he said disinterestedly.

Kagome gave a mental squeak as he drew closer, but otherwise stayed still. "Oh," she said quietly, swallowing against the dryness in her mouth and throat. "Well... good. That you finally got some rest, I mean."

The panic that had started out as a tiny twinge soon blossomed into a distracting flurry. "Well, maybe... I did it 'cause I wanted to," he said, trying to cover his nervousness with bravado and having only limited success.

Blinking, Kagome gnawed on her bottom lip. "Ah. Well... that... crossed my mind too." Kagome's fingers worried at the sweater as her mind raced. Though it seemed about as likely as the alien abduction theory. And body snatchers, pod people... Ugh. I really need to stop watching B movies when I go home.

There was a beat of silence between them before Inuyasha nodded once. "...Good."

"So," Kagome began, rocking onto the balls of her feet and then back onto her heels before rocking forward again, "was it--" But before she could ask, Inuyasha, having screwed up every last ounce of his courage, reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to him in a hug. Kagome nearly collapsed against his chest -- the gesture had taken her so completely by surprise. "--ooff!"

They stayed like that for several seconds as trepidation and anxiety slowly melted away. Both were still nervous beyond comprehension, of course, but it seemed as if the most difficult step had been taken. Inuyasha's eyes closed as he inhaled deeply, his mind filtering through the various layers that composed Kagome's scent. Beneath the various perfumes that clung to her clothes -- something she'd once called "fabric softener" -- and the stuff she used during her baths, there was the unforgettable scent of her skin, presently mingled with the earth from Kaede's garden. She smelled natural and sweet, and Inuyasha could come up with no known scent with which to compare it. She didn't smell like orange blossoms or orchids -- she just smelled like Kagome.

Trying to quiet the pounding in his chest, Inuyasha gathered the words he wanted to say. "Kagome..."

Closing her eyes at the feel of warm arms holding her tightly, Kagome swallowed hard. "...Yes?"

"I wanted to."

She sagged a bit, her knees turning to the consistency of overcooked rice noodles. There were no words that would adequately convey her relief, so she settled for saying nothing, choosing instead to let her arms go around Inuyasha, returning the hug. She felt one of his hands drop to the small of her back, rubbing small circles through the wool of her sweater.

Though she couldn't see his face, Inuyasha's brows had lowered into a frown. There was more he had to say -- even though leaving things like this was incredibly appealing. He'd chickened out too many times already. He knew what he had to say; it was just a matter of saying it. Unfortunately, that was the hard part. He swallowed, carefully considering his words. "I..." Kagome pulled away a bit, looking up at him. The few scant words he had gathered scattered under the kind, open expression that he'd come to associate with her. Steeling himself, he tried again. "You... take care of all of us. You worry all the damn time." Pausing, he chewed lightly on his bottom lip. "But nobody takes care of you."

Feeling a disorienting sort of lightness fill her limbs leaving her with a strange, although not entirely unpleasant detached feeling, Kagome tilted her head slightly, regarding him. "But... that's not true. I mean... we... we take care of each other." She paused. "All of us do."

"Yeah, but..." he trailed off, words leaving him again. Dammit. Looking away for a moment, he stared at the garden behind Kagome -- it was almost completely bare; nearly everything had been picked in preparation for the coming winter. There was nothing to look at. Nervously he pulled his eyes back to Kagome's gaze, meeting it once again. "I... wanna take care of you, Kagome," he said quietly.

Her lips lifted into a small smile. "You do, Inuyasha. I feel safe around you."

He opened his mouth to tell her that wasn't quite what he meant, but his jaws snapped shut. Swearing silently, he berated himself. Dammit, I'm no fuckin' good at this. "I..." he trailed off again, closing his eyes in frustration and tipping his head forward until his forehead was resting against hers. "Ah, shit."

Kagome was slightly unnerved by his sudden closeness. She looked at him for a moment, feeling the tension radiate off of him so keenly it was nearly tangible. "And... somehow I don't think that's what you meant."

Inuyasha huffed a soft, dry laugh and was quiet for several more seconds before opening his eyes and pulling his head away slightly. "I... I make you feel safe, right?" A small smile lit her lips and she nodded, causing warmth to flare in his chest. It gave him the courage to push on. "You... make me feel safe, too. Stronger." He hesitated suddenly, again trying to find the right words.

As if sensing his uncertainty, Kagome reached up, slowly combing her fingers through his bangs. "I'm glad I do," she said softly.

The words combined with the gesture gave him another surge of confidence. "And... you said you wanna stay with me." He paused, biting his lip, every fiber of his being vibrating with anxiety. "I wanna stay with you."

Kagome opened her mouth, platonic assurances at the ready. But upon hearing his words as well as the tone in which he spoke them, she paused. The gears in her mind clicked slowly, and then more quickly -- bits and snatches of different conversations finally coming together, combined with the kiss in the library, left her staring at him in dumbfounded silence. She swallowed once and tried to speak, but the words wouldn't form. She swallowed again. "I-In... Inuyasha?"

Hearing the hesitation in her voice, the hanyou felt something freeze inside of him. "Yeah?" he answered, his voice low.

When Kagome began to speak, she did so very softly. "When... when you told me that..." she paused, feeling her pulse begin to quicken. "When you told me that Sesshoumaru had told you to... ah... claim your mate... um... wh-who, exactly, did he mean?" The question haunting her since that conversation in the tree so very long ago was finally out there, and no amount of wishing would retract it. And yet, Kagome felt strangely relieved once she'd asked it.

The silence that followed was nearly unbearable. Inuyasha took a deep breath, more to steady himself than for any other reason. The word that came next was simple, and spoken softly: "You."

Kagome blinked once, a tiny sliver of her not entirely sure she'd heard him correctly. "Me?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah." After a short pause, he continued. "That night... when you were talkin' about... how it was easier for me than my dad..." Here Inuyasha stopped, regarding Kagome for several seconds before continuing. "You were thinkin' Kikyou was my mate, weren't you?"

Kagome took in a shallow, shaky breath. "Well... the thought did cross my mind..."

He shook his head slowly. "She's not."

"Oh," she replied in a small voice, her expression stunned.

Inuyasha stood very still, gazing at Kagome a bit anxiously, waiting for her to say something more. When she didn't, he felt his gut contract. Maybe... this ain't what she wants. She prob'ly didn't think about becomin' a hanyou's mate... "So..." he managed quietly, unable to find anything more to say.

"So... what does that... um... mean?" she asked shyly. "'Claiming your mate'?" Once the question left her lips, Inuyasha stammered slightly, flushing. Kagome's eyes widened suddenly, and she turned a deep, rather impressive shade of crimson. Upon seeing her response, Inuyasha's flush only intensified, creeping down his neck. The implications, though left unsaid, still hung awkwardly in the air, and Kagome suddenly felt incredibly indecent for being in Inuyasha's arms while talking -- or not talking -- about that. "I... oh." Her cheeks flamed even more. "B-but we can't!" she blurted suddenly.

Inuyasha blinked once. "We... can't?" We can't? Can't what? Huh?

"We... I mean, not... we can't --" Kagome swallowed, her wits quickly leaving her. "What I'm trying to say is I c-can't... couldn't give you... y'know..." and here her words quickly devolved into a series of unintelligible mumbles.

"Huh?"

Kagome sighed. "An heir. Pups. Whatever."

"What?"

Kagome cringed internally, wondering how many more ways she could manage to fit her foot in her mouth. "I mean... that's, like, the whole point of the mate thing, right?"

Inuyasha was shaking his head, staring at her in utter bewilderment. "Wait, how the hell do you know you can't have pups?"

Widening her eyes, Kagome's mouth worked silently. "Oh -- oh, I'm pretty sure that I can. I mean there's nothing saying that -- physically -- I can't..." She broke off, silently wishing something would happen to effectively end the conversation -- anything would have been sufficient. A nice, convenient youkai attack, for instance. Oh, god. How do we get into these conversations? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before stating firmly, "Inuyasha, my mother would kill me. In fact, I think she'd kill me, resurrect me, and then kill me again."

Inuyasha stared at her in disbelief. That's what she was getting at? She thought... "You think I'd want to have pups now?" he blurted, wide eyed. Inuyasha quickly disentangled himself from the embrace, holding Kagome at arm's length so he could at least attempt to clarify what he had meant. "We --" he shook his head, correcting himself. "I don't... have to. I mean..." Looking away, he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, muttering, "Shit." Good going. Care to fuck this up a little more? He expelled a frustrated breath and shook his head, trying to figure out where the conversation had taken such a sharp turn.

Kagome looked at him, feeling a sharp pang of guilt for the mortification that was etched so clearly on his features. "I - I'm sorry, Inuyasha." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I thought... that was... sort of the way it was... ah, supposed to work." Idiot. Idiot! Jeez, think before you open your mouth, Kagome! When he didn't answer, she ground her teeth. "Um... Inuyasha?"

"What?" he replied gruffly, unable to look at her, so great was his embarrassment.

When Kagome finally spoke, she did so in a very small voice. "I'm... um. I don't... I mean..." she sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, maybe..." She saw him open his eyes and look at her gravely, waiting. "Maybe... th-that part should... um. Wait."

Another long pause followed before Inuyasha nodded once. "Yeah." But inside, his mind was racing. Which part? THAT part? Or the whole thing? Shit. Slowly he became aware of Kagome slipping her hand into his. Closing his eyes again, he held her hand loosely in his own, making himself say the words that were hovering in the back of his mind -- the ones he was truly afraid to say because of the response they had the potential to elicit. His voice was soft and hoarse. "You don't... have to, you know."

Her brows twitching together in confusion, Kagome blinked. "I don't have to...?" She was quiet for several moments, staring at him. "Did you think I... wouldn't want you?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

Inuyasha's answer was a shrug as he opened his eyes to look down at their hands; Kagome's seemed so much smaller in his. She was such a tiny girl -- shorter than Teles and Sango, even shorter than Kikyou had been. It was easy to forget her stature; she never shied away from a challenge, never hesitated to offer help to those who needed it, never faltered to stand up for those who were too young, too weak, or too old to stand up for themselves. Kagome was diminutive, delicate, even tiny. But she was not small. She never had been.

"I just..." he began, still staring at their hands. "I just wanna give you a choice." Inuyasha's voice was soft and rough, and each word sounded like it was being forced out of him. What makes you think you're good enough for her? What makes you think she'll want you? What makes you think you deserve her? "Just 'cause it's true for me don't mean that you have to."

Kagome stared at him, blinking in disbelief for a few seconds, trying to figure out the best way to articulate the whirlwind inside of her. A choice? He wanted to give her a choice in the matter? Why didn't Inuyasha realize that she'd already made such a choice? What had he thought she'd meant when she'd told him she'd stay with him? Did he think her feelings for him had changed? Kagome ducked her head to look at him; eyes the color of molten gold gazed half-defiantly at her through the silver curtain of his bangs.

She drew her upper lip into her mouth for a moment, contemplating for only a second before closing the distance between them, placing a soft, chaste kiss against his mouth. She felt him start a bit, but his tension relaxed almost immediately. His expression after she broke the kiss was one of quiet shock. He blinked once, then twice, and Kagome found that she was having a very hard time trying not to laugh.

"...That a yes?" he asked a bit dazedly. Kagome's response was a tiny nod and Inuyasha drew her back into his arms, hugging her tightly, burying his face in her hair with obvious relief. The hardest part was over. The words were out there, and even if he had been able to take them back, he wouldn't have. All of the anxiety, all of the apprehension that had been thrumming through his veins ebbed in a dizzying rush, leaving him exhausted.

"But... Inuyasha?" Something in Kagome's voice allowed a sliver of anxiety back into his system. "What about Kikyou? I mean, you... she..." Her voice trailed off, but Inuyasha already had a fair idea of what was on Kagome's mind.

He sighed hard, his breath stirring her hair. "That ain't her, Kagome," he said softly. "I mean, it might look like her, but... she'd never be like that. Not the Kikyou I knew, anyway." Tightening his arms around her, Inuyasha sounded as if the words were being forced out of him: "I have to make him pay. What he did to her..."

"I know you do," she replied softly. "What he did to both of you."

He pulled away enough so he could look at her. "But... makin' him pay is all I gotta do, Kagome."

She looked at him for a moment. "But... she wants to take you to hell," she said, her voice barely audible.

His lips tugged into a faintly wry grin. "Yeah, and Miroku wants a harem. Ain't gonna happen." His grin warmed into a small smile as Kagome tried not to laugh. He looked at her -- really looked at her, and soon the smile melted away, leaving his expression thoughtful. Finally. Finally, it was done. 'Bout damn time. His hand ran along the curve of her back and Kagome let out a long, relieved sigh, placing one of her hands against his chest, smoothing out his haori, letting her fingers drift slowly across the fire-rat fur. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

Kagome shot him a small, crooked grin. "Yeah. I... think I was running out of chores to do," she said, letting out a soft bark of laughter before leaning against him.

Inuyasha let his fingers move upwards to drift through her hair, and for as painful as the conversation had been for... more than a few moments, he felt about ten times lighter now that he'd gotten everything out. Kagome was nestled against him, and for the first time in a long time, things finally felt as if they were how they should have been. "You still goin' back home tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

Kagome gave a soft chuckle. "Yes. But it'll be a short trip. I'll be there and back before you know it. With ramen." When he laughed, she tightened her arms around him and tucked her head up under his chin, content never to move again.

"Ah... Kagome-chan?" The familiar female voice seemed to come out of nowhere; both Inuyasha and Kagome started, jumping away from each other guiltily, the embrace dissipating like morning mist.

Kagome looked around wildly until she saw Sango standing not more than five feet from them, staring in blatant disbelief. "S-Sango-chan!" Kagome squeaked, eyes wide.

The taiji-ya stared at her two friends, blinking slowly. The question poised on her tongue was, "Am I interrupting something?" But she slammed it away -- it was painfully obvious that she was indeed interrupting... something. Both the hanyou and miko were blushing deeply, looking anywhere but in her direction. Making a conscious decision to take the path of least resistance, she smiled reassuringly and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Kagome uttered a nervous giggle before glancing quickly at Inuyasha. "Heh, no... that's... I was going to..." She stopped, closed her eyes, and appeared to give herself a brisk mental shake. "I was just going to go into Kaede's, anyway."

"Oh," Sango replied, her eyes darting to Inuyasha, who seemed more than slightly interested in a splintering fencepost. "I see. Um... I was wondering how much was left in the way of supplies."

"Oh." Kagome's eyebrows twitched together in thought as she mentally ran through what was left in her pack. "I think... mostly bandages. And some food. But I could go look."

The taiji-ya's smile was warm. "I'd appreciate it, Kagome-chan. If... if it's all right, I'd like to take what we had left."

Her words dragged Inuyasha's attention from the small army of ants crossing along the top of the fence. He looked up, arching a thick, dark brow. "Take where?"

Sango hesitated for a moment, looking at the hanyou. "Well... I was planning to return to my village for a few days -- while you were gone, Kagome-chan."

"Oh," Kagome said, giving Inuyasha one last glance before walking slowly towards Kaede's hut. "Any reason?"

"Well... there was just a little research I wanted to do, and houshi-sama was kind enough to offer to help."

Inuyasha blinked while Kagome gaped, her strides towards Kaede's hut stuttering to an abrupt stop.

"You're takin' him? With you? To your village?" was the hanyou's incredulous reply.

Kagome's reaction was lacking her typical diplomacy as well. "You're taking Miroku?"

Sango colored a bit, not entirely surprised by their reactions. "Well... he is more familiar with research and... archives, so... it seemed logical."

Kagome was silent for a moment, trying to make sure that when she spoke she didn't sound too dubious. "...Very logical."

Inuyasha, on the other hand, didn't entirely care if he sounded dubious or not. "Right," he drawled. "Logical."

Kagome made an apologetic face, grabbing Sango's hand, and tugging her to Kaede's hut. "Well. Let's... go see what's left, okay?"

"Thank you," Sango replied, following Kagome into the hut. She gave a quick look behind them to make sure Inuyasha wasn't going to follow them into the hut, but the hanyou had already turned, grumbling under his breath about "fuckin' interruptions," before breaking out into a run, heading for the forest. Letting the flap fall, she knelt down beside Kagome, who was already rummaging through her pack. The miko's movements were brisker than usual, and Sango found she had to smother her grin. "I'm sorry if I interrupted, Kagome-chan," she said softly.

"Interrupted?" was the too-bright reply. Sango only chuckled softly and Kagome's cheeks grew faintly pink. "I... We were just... talking," she said, peering into the bag.

"Ah, yes. Talking," Sango echoed. "Talking is... good."

Kagome cleared her throat. "Mostly... talking." With that, her head jerked up and she turned to face Sango, eyes wide. "I didn't tell you!"

"Tell me what?" the taiji-ya asked, watching Kagome with mild bemusement.

Kagome's eyes widened as she reached over, grabbing Sango's hands in her own. "He kissed me!" she said, her voice an excited whisper. "I mean, before today." Sango's eyes widened, and she blinked once. "When we were at the den," she supplied.

Slowly, the taiji-ya's lips curved into a pleased smile. "I'm so happy for you, Kagome-chan."

Kagome beamed. "And... I'm his mate." Her content expression faded as a tiny, perplexed frown twitched between her eyebrows. "Which... does that mean he's mine?"

"Typically, among youkai?" Sango asked, reaching down and toying with one of the straps on Kagome's pack. "Yes. That's exactly what it means."

At this, Kagome's eyes softened. "So... he's my mate," she repeated with a sense of wonder. She sat still for a moment before giving herself a shake. "Anyway. He was telling me -- that I am."

It's about time, Sango thought, her lips quirking into a smile at the expression on her friend's face. "I'm... Kagome-chan, you have no idea how happy I am for you," she said softly.

"Thanks..." Kagome sat back on her heels, sliding into a thoughtful silence. "Sango-chan? I'm sure you know what you're doing, but... taking Miroku-sama? Are you sure?"

Sango was quiet for several seconds as she considered her friend's words. "Kagome..." she said quietly, biting her lip. "You... while we were at the den, did you... notice that houshi-sama and Teles-sama were... somewhat friendly?"

Shrugging, Kagome turned her attention back to her pack. "Yeah. It seemed a little odd, but..." It didn't seem to bother you, so I decided it wouldn't bother me.

"Well, they... " Sango frowned thoughtfully. "It's not easy to explain." She pursed her lips and tilted her head a bit. "Actually, it is. They're friends."

Kagome blinked once as she considered this. It sounded harmless enough, but then, didn't Miroku consider all of them his friends? "Well... that's good," she said. "I'm glad."

Sango's brow darkened with a frown. There was more of the story to tell, but Sango didn't quite want to tell it. "And... you do remember how... how I've been trying to remember that study the village elders did?"

Nodding, Kagome started pulling supplies out of her pack. Two packages of ramen, a few cans of soda, some water... we weren't as bad off as I thought. "Did you remember it?" She glanced up and looked at her friend, surprised to see that she was looking away and nodding slowly. "Sango?" Kagome asked softly. "Is... everything all right?"

A heavy silence hung between then, broken only by Sango's voice, soft and somewhat hoarse. "How many hanyou have we come across, Kagome-chan?"

Frowning in thought, Kagome was quiet for a few moments. "Only a couple, other than Inuyasha."

"And... why do you think that is?"

"Because youkai don't mate with humans very often?" Kagome asked, hoping, hoping it was the right answer, but the sadness reflected in Sango's brown eyes told her otherwise.

"You're partially right. Humans and youkai don't mate as frequently as they do with their own kind. But... it happens more than the number of hanyou in these lands might reflect." In so many words, the taiji-ya explained to her the complications that so frequently arose during hanyou pregnancies. By the time Sango was done, Kagome was ashen, her eyes wide and haunted.

Sango's hands drifted across her lap as she spoke, smoothing the wrinkles out of her apron; she needed something to keep herself busy -- something to keep her from having to see Kagome's pained expression. "Youkai and hanyou are both stronger than humans. Youkai females are... more resilient than human females -- obviously, because they have to bear youkai whelps." Sango said, knowing her words brought little if any comfort to her friend. "So, it only makes sense --"

"That a half-youkai child would be..." Kagome closed her eyes, everything she could remember about human pregnancy and birth coming back to her in a rush. Admittedly, it wasn't much knowledge, but it was enough to frighten her. Gods, she thought numbly, her chest tightening in fear, she could hemorrhage. The pup... Sesshoumaru. Oh, no. Inuyasha.

"Teles-sama has already told houshi-sama that she's in pain, that the baby hurts her."

"What do we do, Sango-chan?" she asked quietly.

"That's why we're going to my village. Houshi-sama and I are going to scour the archives. Obviously hanyou do get born -- without complication. Inuyasha is a prime example of that; he has memories of his mother -- so she obviously didn't die in childbirth. I'm hoping that we might find something that would help us find out how to avoid these complications."

Nodding, Kagome finished pulling the supplies from her pack. "That's a good idea. Rest, diet, anything can affect a pregnancy." Her frown deepened as she paused, holding a small bottle of water in her hand. "Gods, maybe we should have stayed?" Almost immediately, she shook her head and set the bottle down as if for emphasis. "No. No pointing what-ifs," she said, sighing silently.

Sango watched Kagome for a few moments, weighing her words carefully. "Kagome-chan?" She waited for the miko to look up from her bag. "Neither houshi-sama nor I think it would be a very good idea if Inuyasha found out."

The girl was shaking her head immediately, black hair moving with the motion. "Ohh, no. Absolutely not."

"That's why houshi-sama's coming with me," Sango explained. "That's why I'm letting him come with me."

Kagome blew out a breath. "Because if you're going to find anything, you'll find it faster with help." Nodding once, she added, "You were right; that is logical," she said, offering a small, apologetic smile.

Biting her lower lip, Sango reached out, lightly touching Kagome's arm. "I'm sorry I didn't remember sooner, Kagome-chan. It would have been more helpful, I know."

Blinking, Kagome shook her head quickly, walking on her knees until she was next to Sango. "Are you crazy? I can't tell you how glad I am you remembered at all!" she said, putting her arms around the taiji-ya in a hard hug. "Okay, knowing sooner might've been good, but... At least we know now. If you hadn't remembered, she'd just go on being in pain and getting scared. This way we can do something, maybe." She pulled back and turned her attention back to the items she'd pulled from her pack. Making a small "hmm" noise, she started rummaging through the smaller pockets, searching for non-food items they were going to need. They'll need matches... they probably won't need bandages. Kagome paused, tilting her head in thought. Miroku. Sango. Hiraikotsu. Then again, maybe they will.

"I... I was thinking on my way back from the forest," Sango began, "I thought it might be a good idea if we let Sesshoumaru know." She paused, remembering the tense awkwardness that had infused the den with his return; suddenly her idea didn't seem like such a good one. No. No, he is the pup's father. He deserves to know this -- besides, he might be able to help. "If he knew, it would... he'd know enough to try and make her as comfortable as possible." Even if that's all any of us will be able to do.

"He should know, then," Kagome said, casting an eye over all that she'd pulled from her bag. "Even if things are weird for them, he'll still want to help her, I'm sure."

"So... I thought -- if we had anything in the way of supplies left, it might be enough to get Mir--" here Sango stopped suddenly, shaking her head briskly "--houshi-sama and I through a few days."

Dark brows contorting together, Kagome glanced at Sango out of the corner of her eye, deciding not to bring attention to the almost-lapse. Sango seemed aware of it already, as was evident from the faint blush suffusing her cheeks. "Well," Kagome began, gesturing at the supplies laid out on the floor of the hut. "What do you think? Think Inuyasha will forgive you for taking the last of his ramen?"

Chuckling softly, Sango regarded her friend with a smile that would have been sly, had Sango's expression not been so open. "I think he's probably in a mood to forgive anything right now." When Kagome flushed almost to the roots of her hair, Sango reached over and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"I've never not wanted to go home so much in my life," the girl said sheepishly. She gave a small chuckle before her tone turned somewhat brisker. "But is this enough for you and Miroku-sama for a while? How long do you think you'll be gone?"

Sango frowned, shaking her head slowly. "I shouldn't think more than three days."

"Okay," Kagome said, nodding authoritatively. "In that case, this should be plenty."

"Thank you, Kagome-chan," Sango said, smiling gratefully.

Kagome beamed. "Of course," she said, scrambling to give her friend another hug before she and Miroku left. "Just... you know. Be careful."

Sango laughed softly, returning the hug. "I'm not going unarmed, Kagome-chan," she said, a tiny wry note creeping into her voice. Kagome laughed and pulled away, helping Sango pack the supplies into her furoshiki. After a few minutes, Sango stood, hefting the loaded carrying cloth onto her shoulders. She smiled at the girl. "I'll see you when we return, Kagome-chan." She paused for a moment. "I only hope it's with good news."

Kagome returned her friend's smile with a reassuring one of her own. "I have faith in you two," she said. "Things are going to be fine."

Sango nodded once, wishing she could have Kagome's optimism. She started from the hut and whistled for Kirara. The neko youkai came from around the corner of the hut, moving to wind around Sango's legs affectionately. Chuckling, she reached down and scratched the youkai behind the ears. "Let's go find houshi-sama," she said softly. It wasn't quite sunset just yet, but somehow she didn't think he'd object to leaving earlier than anticipated. In a flash of flame, Kirara transformed, giving a satisfied stretch. Sango climbed onto the fire youkai's back, supremely thankful for not having to find Miroku on foot -- the last thing she needed or wanted was to have her foot bothering her during the extent of the search through the archives.

Besides, the taiji-ya had the creeping suspicion that she was already going to have to deal with one very large potential distraction. She didn't need any others.

As Sango nudged Kirara off, pointing her towards the forest, she looked over her shoulder to see Kagome leaning in Kaede's doorway, giving a small wave. Sango nodded, offering her friend a similar parting wave. It struck Sango that lately she only returned to her village when something was wrong.

I almost know how she feels. I've don't think I've ever not wanted to return home so much either.

The sun burning brightly above, Sesshoumaru had left his mate in their shared chambers to find Rin -- much like he'd anticipated -- waiting patiently for him. And, true to his word, he'd joined her outside in the brilliant afternoon sunlight, watching in stoic silence as Rin played exuberantly, running alongside the stream one moment and crunching loudly through the fallen, drying leaves the next. She had called at him cheerfully, her high, thin voice instructing him to watch. Eventually, Rin grew tired; at which point the child and the youkai returned inside where she turned her interests toward the crayons and paper Kagome had left.

While Rin drew quietly, Sesshoumaru stood before the blazing fire, staring intently at the crackling flames. No sound at all came from his chamber, and Jaken had assured him that Teles had made no requests for food. This news surprised the youkai lord not in the least; he had no appetite either. In fact, he had begun to find that the walls had grown close and the air more stagnant with every passing minute; it was quickly becoming more than Sesshoumaru could tolerate.

He was still fully disgusted with himself, his actions -- his complete and utter loss of control. She had rendered him nearly senseless; the sight of her, the scent, the sound of her pulse pounding through her veins, her quick, rasping breaths -- everything about that woman conspired to send him quickly and efficiently out of his mind. The youkai lord was not a creature for whom control was a changeable thing -- he did not submit to the whims of his emotions. He, Sesshoumaru, did not lose control.

Except... he had.

Everything had been fine. Well, not "fine," exactly, but as well as could be expected, particularly under the circumstances. He'd managed to get through his speech to Teles, and while her reaction was still very unlike what he'd been trying to elicit, she was showing promise. If nothing else, his mate was beginning to show a glimmer of her past self.

And then -- then she'd asked him to help her dress. It was Sesshoumaru's retrospective opinion that that one request was the moment when things began to unravel -- quickly. Part of Sesshoumaru wasn't surprised -- how on earth could he have been surprised? He'd told her himself that if she did not dress thus, he would help her dress. He shouldn't have made such a threat if he was wholly unprepared for the consequences.

"Wholly unprepared" was, in the youkai's humble estimation, something of an understatement, particularly given how events transpired after the fact.

Gritting his teeth, Sesshoumaru turned away from the fire. He needed to be away from these walls, away from his mate's scent that seemed to infuse the air. "Jaken." His vassal, who had been stoking the fire intently, looked up. "I will be away from the den," he said evenly to the toad youkai, who was more than happy by the fire; the further away Jaken was from the cold, the more content he was.

"Away, my lord?" Jaken asked, tilting his head.

"I will be back before morning," he replied coolly, striding towards the den's entrance, not giving his vassal an opportunity to respond.
Sesshoumaru inhaled the brisk air as he made his way through the fading afternoon light. Before long, his destination loomed ahead of him. The rushing waterfall still hid the entrance to the sacred cavern Teles had resided in for over a century, but the water -- if it was possible -- fell with less force than he remembered. The mists seemed not as thick; in general, the area was still beautiful -- but it was no longer a preternatural beauty.

His steps silent over the grass, he slowly drew nearer the cavern's entrance. It was sheer folly, he knew, but he almost -- almost expected to hear her voice -- taunting, haughty, musical -- calling to him from inside. But, of course, no such invitation came. Only the roar of the falls met his ears, drowning out everything else. Shaking his head briskly, Sesshoumaru passed into the cavern's entrance, his slow steps taking him to his mate's former chambers.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but what he saw left him feeling strangely empty -- an odd word to describe a being that had kept such a tight rein on his emotions for so many years. But the sight in the cavern left him cold; he felt neither joy nor rage.

The former goddess' former quarters were untouched. Nothing had changed. In fact, it was almost as if everything held its breath, simply waiting for her return.

Fool, he thought with a faint scowl. What did you think to achieve by coming here?

Shoulders slumping almost imperceptibly, Sesshoumaru took several steps forward and, blowing out an exhausted, defeated breath, lowered himself down to the blue silk futon. As he did, the achingly familiar scent of salt water wafted up around him. He froze, closing his eyes and inhaling. After a moment's hesitation, he lay back against the bedding, letting Teles' scent surround him like her arms once had. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, the cool silk slowly warming beneath his skin. Her scent was stale and nearly gone, but it was something -- a scrap that remained of her former self. For the first time since her transformation, he felt himself growing drowsy enough to sleep. The youkai lord dozed, hovering in the twilight between wakefulness and slumber.

"Sesshoumaru." The voice was clipped, almost sharp, and painfully familiar. His eyes snapped open, and Sesshoumaru sat up with a start. His mate stood before him, arms folded over her breasts, regarding him with an amused, if slightly condescending smile.

"Teles," he breathed. His brows contracted suddenly; something wasn't right. She was clad neither in the kimono he'd dressed her in nor the miko robes. Her lithe body was swathed in her diaphanous sheath, the beloved, swollen belly conspicuously absent. Never tearing his eyes away from her, he got to his feet in a graceful, fluid movement before approaching the apparition before him. "...It is not possible," he managed, suppressing the urge to rub his eyes. She was an illusion, a spectre -- a dream.

"You presume to know what is and what is not possible? It seems to me, youkai, that you believe to know far more than you do know," she said archly, tilting her chin up at him.

"Riddles," he murmured dryly. "Typical."

"And what's wrong with a riddle?" she riposted, turning on her heel and gliding across the room, her fingertips lightly brushing the walls, the pristine marble table and the statuettes on that table.

"They are evasive, misleading," he said disdainfully, staring at her back. Why were they talking? Why, if she was here, if she was herself, why was she not in his arms?

Teles looked over her shoulder at him, green eyes gleaming in the half-light of the cavern. "And, of course, you're neither--"

"Very astute, goddess," he interjected, taking a step forward, reaching out to drag one clawed finger down the delicate curve of her spine.

"--evasive nor misleading," she finished, pinning him under her gaze. "You are, of course," she emphasized again, "a paragon of all that is direct and truthful."
Sesshoumaru's hand stilled.

Her eyebrow lifted and a small, sardonic smile lit her lips. "Perhaps, youkai, you should give consideration before you reprimand others for their riddles."

Aphrodite sighed softly as she stood, watching the youkai sleep peacefully.

How in all the world had things disintegrated so completely? And she -- she was forced to remain a spectator while her daughter and the youkai continued to send each other further and further into despair. So many times she'd contemplated intervening -- putting an end to their misery, explaining to them both what in Hades' name the other was trying to accomplish.

And then the images that had infused her mind sprung forward; her interference would bring them both misery and loneliness for the rest of their days. At present they were both miserable and lonely beyond comprehension, but Aphrodite had to find solace in the belief that it was not permanent.

The goddess expelled a frustrated breath. And still the Olympians consider themselves omnipotent.

Pressing her lips together in thought, Aphrodite lowered herself to her knees beside the futon. "I know not of what you dream, youkai," she whispered, "but I hope your dreams are at least in some measure more pleasant than your reality."