InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Gods and Monsters ❯ Chapter 42: Breathe ( Chapter 42 )

A/N: This is a huge chapter, so I have to give some HUGE thanks! To Nanda-chan, Ithilwen, and Kat Morning for their help, and to Everstar for gracing me with great ideas while at the same time depriving me of sleep. (*grin*) I could say more - I really could, but after working on this bad boy for this long, my brain feels ready to leak out my ears.

Chapter 42: Breathe

I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you
Can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

"White Flag" ~ Dido

Sesshoumaru stiffened, giving a slight incline of his head. "Do not be ridiculous; I am perfectly calm."

"Of course you are," came the wry response. "Because it's every day you see your mate after a five hundred year separation."

Closing his eyes, the youkai shook his head slowly and turned, placing one hand against the countertop, letting it hold his weight for a moment. "I am not..." but the protest died on his lips. Sesshoumaru sighed. "It is ridiculous to be."

Silence reigned in the kitchen, save for the muted humming of various appliances. After several seconds came the sound of the refrigerator door opening and Sesshoumaru looked up to see his brother lean over, rummaging through the items on the shelves.

"Why's it ridiculous to be nervous?" Inuyasha asked, straightening, an apple now in his hand. He looked at it for a second before rubbing it against the sleeve of his shirt and taking a bite.

"She is my mate," he replied with a fair measure of arrogance. It was a mere sliver in his tone, an echo. Sesshoumaru was arrogant in many respects - still, after so many years - but regarding matters of his mate, his pride had been swallowed up by humility.

"Uh huh," Inuyasha replied blandly before crunching into the fruit. "You're right," he said, his mouth full. "She is." He chewed noisily for a moment before swallowing. "Which is why you're nervous." His brows twitched slightly when the elder youkai didn't reply, and Inuyasha saw amber eyes regarding the apple with thinly veiled amusement. "...What?"

"Horticulture certainly has made some astounding leaps forward. I was unaware that humans had learned how to cross-breed an apple with ramen."

The hanyou rolled his eyes. "Oh, very funny." He took another bite out of the apple. "Listen, I'm just saying that you can pull that," here he drew himself to his full height, his voice expertly mimicking that of his youkai half-brother, "'I Am The Great Youkai Lord of the Western Lands Who No One Dares Defy' crap with everyone else. But me? I know better. You're scared shitless."

Sesshoumaru folded his arms and scowled, turning away from Inuyasha slightly. "You're delusional. And not for the first time."

There came another loud chomp from the apple. "Look me in the eye an' tell me you're not."

Setting his jaw, Sesshoumaru turned to face his brother. Eyes identical to his own stared back at him. "I..." but his voice died away. Sighing, the youkai turned away again, running a hand through his hair. The urge to move swam through his veins, and he soon found himself pacing the length of the spacious kitchen.

After a moment, Inuyasha sighed, shaking his head. "It's normal, Sesshoumaru. Hell, I'd be more worried if you weren't nervous."

"I dislike being nervous," was the agitated reply.

The hanyou was quiet for a moment. "Well, you know, you could... Hmm. No, that wouldn't be a good idea."

Sesshoumaru stilled and looked at him, a brow twitching in interest. "What?"

"Well," he began, gesturing with the half-eaten apple, "y'know how they say if you're afraid of public speaking you should imagine your audience in their underwear?"

A beat of perfect silence passed.

"What?"

Inuyasha stared at him. "You mean you've never heard that?"

"No," Sesshoumaru replied, disgusted. "Honestly. Humans."

Offering a fluid shrug, Inuyasha bit again into the apple before disposing of the core. "Worked for me," he said, swallowing and wiping off his hands.

"Dare I ask when you needed this... and I hesitate to use the term 'technique'?" Sesshoumaru asked, long, gliding steps propelling him out of the kitchen.

"Stockholders meeting," Inuyasha replied neutrally, following.

Sesshoumaru's wince was immediate. "Thank you. I'm now picturing that."

There was a short huff of laughter before Inuyasha said with a grin, "Yeah. Calmed my nerves right down."

Closing his eyes, the youkai blew out a sigh. "I'm glad it calmed you, for it's making me ill."

Several beats of silence passed. Sesshoumaru could feel his brother's gaze on him, and he found himself wishing that the prickling sensation at the back of his neck would subside. Damn him for becoming so perceptive. Sesshoumaru knew not upon whom to place the blame for the change - the options were too many. The silence stretched out, and Sesshoumaru felt the atmosphere twinge as his brother fought off the urge to mention the impending visit. The youkai considered the silence a welcome reprieve; he was in no mood to talk about this with Inuya-

"Listen, Sesshoumaru."

It would appear he was not going to be given a choice but to talk about this with his brother. Damn it. "Yes?"

"You've got nothing to be nervous about. You spoke with her last night, right?"

"I did."

"And at any point were the words, 'Sesshoumaru, you're a fucking prick' ever spoken?"

"Not by her, no."

Inuyasha ignored this remark. "And she agreed to see you." When Sesshoumaru offered only a nod, Inuyasha nodded decisively. "So, you've got nothin' to worry about."

"I know that. Intellectually, at any rate, I realize it. It's only..." Sesshoumaru was quiet for a moment, considering his words even as he chose them. When he did speak, his voice was low - the soft tone of one articulating what had often been contemplated in silence. "I remember how brutal I'd been."

Inuyasha blew out a breath. "I know. But... if what you'd done - if the damage was permanent, then she never would've called. She wouldn't have agreed to speak with you. And she sure as hell never would've agreed to come here." He let out a soft, dry chuckle. "Hell, frankly I'm amazed Kagome let her agree to that."

Sesshoumaru's lips pulled into a faint smile. "Yes. Well, there were some... stipulations."

Inuyasha's brow tilted sharply in interest. "Like?"

"'So help me," he recited gravely, "'if you hurt her, or the baby, I'm going through the well, getting Inuyasha, and we're going to hunt you down. I'm going to fill you so full of arrows you'll look like a pincushion, and he probably won't even draw Tetsusaiga.'" Sesshoumaru paused for a moment, watching as his half-brother's smothered laughter made his body twitch convulsively. "I memorized it for you."

"Ah, that's my girl," he murmured. After a moment, he looked over at Sesshoumaru. "Thanks," Inuyasha replied with a chuckle, shaking his head fondly. "She never changed." A wistful smile formed as the hanyou's eyes went to the middle distance. "So few people are ever like that."

Sesshoumaru's brows drew together contemplatively. "I knew you would have wanted to hear it."

"Higurashi Kagome, threatening the mighty Sesshoumaru? I wish you'd recorded it."

Sesshoumaru didn't reply. The mood had changed, and both brothers knew it. Inuyasha jammed his hands in his pockets, slow steps taking him into the living room where he paused by a tall, slender table that held a pristine white orchid, planted in a blue pot. He closed his eyes for a moment. "Listen - you got the hardest part out of the way," his voice had taken on a husky quality and he cleared his throat. "Everything after this is cake."

Exhaling, Sesshoumaru shook his head. "No."

Two thick, dark brows arched as he opened his eyes and regarded his brother. "No?"

Sesshoumaru walked through the vast, spacious apartment. "No," he repeated, his steps leading him to a wide window, overlooking Tokyo. It was still early, and the world below bustled about, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding so many stories up. "I still have to send her back."

The youkai heard his half-brother sigh. "So your mind's made up?"

Sesshoumaru nodded once, the slight motion making the sunlight bounce off of the silver hair.

Inuyasha was quiet for several seconds. "You don't have to, you know. There's nothing saying you can't live her life out here - together."

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth once to speak, but no words came. He closed his mouth and swallowed, trying again. "I must. If for no other reason than..." Something grew taut in the youkai. It wound tightly between his shoulders and made his jawline rigid with tension. Emotion swirled beneath the surface of his long-practiced façade. "Rin," he said quietly. "This is not for me. If she agrees to return, it is not because I deserve it. I am not that much a fool, at least."

The hanyou was silent for a moment. "You should've told someone what happened. Earlier."

"It was my mistake," he said shortly. "I was not going to search out solace after such an idiotic blunder."

"If you'd told me the truth... I would've brought her back."

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "I would not have wanted my mate returned to me under such conditions."

"You preferred living five centuries alone?" Inuyasha riposted dryly.

The youkai regarded his half-brother with a wry look. "Ah, but I have not been truly alone, have I, little brother?"

"Keh," he muttered. "So you punish me by hanging around this long. Don't go thinking you're any sort of company."

"No, of course not," he replied blandly.

"I'm just saying... if you'd told me when I could've made a difference..." the hanyou's words faded away as he shook his head slowly.

Sighing tiredly, Sesshoumaru rested his head against the cool pane of glass. "I told you. The damage had been done. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to repair it. Even now... I may attempt to repair the past, but there is no guarantee..."

Inuyasha walked over to a tall bookcase, his fingers lightly skimming the titles of various volumes, most of them first editions acquired over the years. "Are you sure it's a good idea - fucking around with the past? You send her back, that's going to change what happens in the future. You send her back - you don't spend five hundred years moping, we don't have this conversation, and you don't send..." Inuyasha frowned "...her back. Which means you don't spend five hundred years moping, and..." He blinked suddenly, shaking his head. "Aphrodite said it was cool?"

The youkai nodded.

"Okay, then." He took a breath and shook his head again to rid it of the residual temporal mechanics talk. "So, who'd you send for her?"

"Komatsu."

"Mmm. That Akio's a good choice - he's got a pregnant wife, doesn't he?"

"That was part of my thinking."

Inuyasha was nodding. "Granted, he'd prob'ly going to talk her to death. He's so..." he frowned, searching for the word, "earnest."

"Yes, well the other part of my thinking was that I might seem more charming in comparison."

Amber eyes rolled heavenward. "It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine."

A soft electronic trilling cut off Sesshoumaru's retort. His jaw snapped shut and he strode towards the telephone, picking up the receiver briskly. "Yes?" He paused for a moment before nodding. "Very well. Thank you." Without another word, he set the phone back in its cradle. "They're here," he said, his voice low.

"And that would be my cue to leave." He started for the door, pausing once to regard his brother, still standing pensively by the phone. "Still nervous?"

"Less so," he murmured quietly.

"It's a long elevator ride. We've got time - I could beat it out of you." This earned him a chuckle from the youkai.

"You mean to say you could try."

A grin tugged at Inuyasha's lips. "I'm right next door if you need me."

Sesshoumaru only nodded. Silence hung in the air for a moment, broken only by the soft sound of the door closing. Exhaling, he turned, his steps taking him back to his bedroom. It was sparsely decorated, a simple valet atop a low, mahogany dresser holding the item he was looking for. He took the platinum band between his fingers, sliding it into place.

The sensation that followed had yet to lose its novelty for the youkai. A warm tingle spread across his skin like a ripple crossing the surface of a pond; his claws retracted, and while he didn't have to see the result in a mirror, he knew his hair was now the color of ink, the proud points of his ears had rounded and dulled, his facial markings had faded, and the only sign of his fangs were a pair of slightly elongated canines.

The ring - a charm - was, like so many other things in this world, a necessary evil. It did not please him, but the charm afforded him anonymity, which was - particularly in these times - precious. At first, Sesshoumaru had railed against the reality - that the world was becoming the land of men, that a youkai lord would have to lower himself to walk amongst men, to deal with them - but he and Inuyasha both had recognized the measures necessary to adapt to a changing world. They were the superior creatures; they would adapt - they did adapt. With Aphrodite's help, of course.

If not for her assistance... A small, wry smile pulled at his lips. Well. She does help, even if she is at times meddlesome. Sesshoumaru ran a hand through his bangs as he turned, his steps propelling him back to the living room. There was nothing to do now but wait.

Komatsu Akio had long since learned never to ask questions of his employers. In fact, it was this discretion that had kept him in the Inutaisho brothers' employ for this long. He'd never known two more private men, and as long as he respected that privacy, he would remain in their employ.

His responsibilities were typical - for a driver, at least. The elder brother went out only occasionally - and even then, usually to one of the offices, most frequently the home office. The younger brother typically preferred to drive himself wherever he chose to go. In that respect, his job was uncomplicated. As far as he knew, Sesshoumaru-san never let his brother drive them anywhere, and if the two brothers traveled together, Akio drove. His hours weren't particularly demanding, and his schedule was regular. He liked his job, and it paid well.
It was for these reasons that Akio didn't entirely mind when strange circumstances or requests arose.

Akio glanced again at his temporary companion. So far, this was not the strangest request he'd received. It was, however, the first glimpse into his employer's private life in the five years Akio had worked for him.

But... married?

He'd wondered, of course. Both of them wore a wedding band, but although he knew the younger brother was a widower, he'd often thought the older one was as well. Akio had begun to assume that was the case, or else he wore it to discourage female attention - Akio hadn't seen anything indicating that the serious, quiet man shared his life with anyone.

And yet, somehow he wasn't surprised to see the woman he'd been sent to collect was similarly serious and quiet, polite but reserved. She also seemed oddly apprehensive, which Akio attempted to defuse with small talk, watching her briefly in the rear-view mirror. The results were mixed; she seemed to relax as the conversation progressed, but shied away from the discussion once it turned toward herself. When he brought up her husband's name, she blushed and turned her eyes to the window.

After her first experience with one, Teles was not entirely sure about her opinion on cars. It was larger than she'd anticipated, quieter than she had expected, and far more comfortable than she could have imagined. The world beyond its walls was hushed while inside the only sounds were her escort's happy chatter and music coming from she knew not where.

Teles had considered herself more familiar with Kagome's world by this point. She discovered something new every day and had learned to control many of her initial reactions to the surprises held in this world.

Even so, she found the car tiresome after a short while, the space within too confined for her liking. They soon slowed before a towering edifice; Teles only glimpsed it briefly before the car turned, heading underground to a cavernous chamber where other cars were lined up in pristine rows. They came to a stop and the driver opened the door, easing her out and to her feet. She looked around silently, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she bit back one burning question: Are we there yet?

She followed her black-clad escort into a tiny room with mirrored walls. The doors slid silently shut, sending a surge of uneasiness through her body. When the room started to move, she let out a tiny gasp and grabbed reflexively at the young man's arm. Suddenly the car didn't seem so very tiresome.

He looked down at her with warm, dark eyes, smiling reassuringly. "You should've told me you don't like elevators, Inutaisho-san."

Teles stared blankly at him. Inutaisho? Why is he addressing me thus? Inutaisho - that is Sesshoumaru's father. What in Hades' name is-

"Oh, I'm sorry - do you go by your maiden name?"

Swallowing hard, Teles mentally scrambled for an answer. "Maiden" name? Young man, it has been a great many years since I've been a maiden. But, no, that didn't sound like a logical answer to such a question. She returned his smile with a weak one of her own, mentally cataloging the word he'd used a moment ago. Elevator. Right. "My apologies," she managed. "No, I am not fond of... elevators. I suppose they put me somewhat out of sorts."

He smiled again, nodding in understanding. "Don't worry - we're almost there."

The silence was oppressive, and though Sesshoumaru appeared to be standing quietly - serenely - in the middle of the vast living room, in truth his ears were straining for any sound beyond the walls. There was the quiet hum of the elevator as it reached the uppermost floor - and then there was a knock. Swallowing, he lifted his gaze, noting with detached fascination that his heart felt as if it were going to thunder its way out of his chest. Indeed, his entire body felt alive with equal parts anticipation and anxiety. Slow, measured steps brought him to the foyer.

"Come in," he said evenly.

The door opened and Sesshoumaru watched mutely as Komatsu ushered her through the doorway. The youkai swallowed hard, his mouth and throat dry - she was there. Only a few arms' lengths away. He'd imagined this instant - contemplated it, dreamt it - and yet it seemed nothing could have prepared him for the actual moment.

He was not aware of Komatsu, even though he knew the man was standing silently off to the side, awaiting dismissal. Sesshoumaru's gaze settled on his mate, and he found himself attempting to absorb every nuance at once. She filled his sight - her hair was pulled into a thick, loose braid that hung over her shoulder, and it shone like polished mahogany under the lights. She wore an embroidered sweater the color of a cloudless summer sky over a long black skirt. A cream scarf was wound around her throat, the long black coat he'd included hung open. Her features were left unspoiled by cosmetics; her eyes were as vivid as they'd been in his memory, dark lashes framing them as she gazed solemnly at him. The color in her cheeks was most likely the result of the outside cold, or, perhaps - dare he wish it? - her own anticipation.

As his eyes traveled over her form, her scent filled his senses. On the surface she was an intricate blend of sandalwood, leather, and the sterile scent of brand-new clothes. But lurking beneath that, he caught a thread of familiar scent. No, not the tang of a sea breeze, but the scent that haunted the den for months after her absence - Teles' scent. He inhaled again, letting the breath fill his lungs as he savored the layers that composed it.

And while Sesshoumaru took in the sight and scent of her, his ears rang with the rapid tattoo of her heartbeat - nearly as violent as his own. He stood perfectly still, listening, training his ears to discern beyond the white noise in the apartment, the blood pounding through his veins, and the erratic thundering of Teles' pulse. There, hidden, woven within the other sounds, was a quick, strong thumping - the pup's heartbeat.

"...Sir?"

Sesshoumaru blinked once, his gaze darting to the driver. "Yes?" he asked, suddenly wondering how long Komatsu had been trying to get his attention.

"Will there be anything else?"

"No. Thank you, that will be all." Sesshoumaru nodded once, quickly recovering his savoir-faire. "Please, give my regards to your wife."

Akio nodded once before backing out, closing the door behind him. Muted footsteps faded away, leaving the youkai and the former goddess standing in the foyer, staring at each other in crystalline silence.

Teles stared wordlessly at the man before her. While he bore the slightest resemblance to Sesshoumaru, his hair was the color of obsidian, his complexion was no longer ethereally pale, and his eyes were a shade of violet so dark they appeared nearly black. Trepidation wound itself tightly around her spine, shattering only when he spoke.

"Teles." He looked as if he would have liked to say more, but snapped his mouth shut instead.

That voice - his voice - caused something in her to relax, and she released the breath she'd been holding. "Sesshoumaru," Teles replied evenly. "You look..." she paused, searching for the right words. Swallowing once, her eyes went to the gleaming black hair. "Much changed."

Dark brows drew together in puzzlement for a moment before she shook his head in an almost rueful gesture. "My apologies; I've grown so used to associating with humans that I tend to..." as he spoke, he reached down, sliding a silver ring from one finger. As the metal band left his skin, the black hair faded to silver, his eyes and skin lightened, familiar facial markings standing out brilliantly against his flesh.

The change made the breath rush from her lungs. In fact, upon first glance, he appeared not to have changed at all. His features were still finely molded, his eyes still an intoxicating shade of amber. But as she looked more closely, she could see that, yes, he had indeed changed. His hair -- that lovely silver hair -- was shorter now, just past his shoulders. Those eyes that had seemed omniscient now reflected something other than the cold disdain she had grown used to -- they reflected uncertainty.

She blinked and noticed for the first time that he was no longer in his typical garb. The modern wear -- a grey sweater and black pants -- suited him quite well. Teles absently toyed with the cuffs of her coat as she tried not to stare.

He approached her slowly, an expression of trepidation - an emotion she had never associated with him - written across his features. She swallowed, a distant part of her mind registering the fact that her breathing had grown quick and shallow, and she suddenly became aware of every inch of her skin, every hair upon her head - she felt the moment.

"May I take your coat?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, please," she replied, unwinding the scarf from her neck. He closed the distance between them, moving behind her as he eased the coat from her shoulders. She felt his fingers brush her lightly, and though the touch was brief, it seared through her clothing. Sesshoumaru took her coat and scarf, turning to hang them up in a nearby closet. Teles slipped out of her shoes and turned to regard what she could see of Sesshoumaru's home.

The door had opened to a small area where they now stood, but Teles could see that it led to another room, which was huge, sprawling; the soft floors were a gentle cream color, the walls were likewise so. The ceiling was inordinately high, especially for being a smaller part of such a large structure. Windows, vast and numerous, provided an astonishing view of the city while sunlight blazed through them, filling the room with brilliant mid-morning illumination. Pictures -- beautiful paintings -- adorned the walls. A fire crackled comfortingly behind a grate, and a large decorative glass case held a variety of swords; from where she stood, she could see Tenseiga.

Teles suddenly felt him standing beside her, and when she took a glimpse, a warm, buzzing sensation settled at the top of her spine. His expression was paradoxically serene and yet wary at the same time. She searched for something to say - anything to fill the void of silence.

"You look well, Sesshoumaru," she murmured, cringing internally at the banality of such a sentiment.

If the youkai took note of the repetition, he didn't show it. Instead, a small, wry smile tilted his lips slightly. "For a youkai of my age? Yes." A beat of silence passed. "Would you like to sit down?"

Teles nodded slowly. "Yes, thank you." Without a word, Sesshoumaru slipped a hand under her elbow, guiding her into the room she'd been admiring. Again, his touch sent something fluttering through her and Teles tried to shake off the comfortable warmth it brought.

As Sesshoumaru walked, his mind raced. She was here - truly here. He felt the heat of her body as she walked alongside him - he felt the soft flesh of her arm through the cashmere, warmed by her skin. Every aspect of her presence sent each of his senses into a tailspin. Slow gliding steps led them to the couch where he helped her sit down, taking a seat himself in an adjacent armchair.

She sat primly, hands resting in as much of her lap as they could, considering the expanse of her rounded abdomen. Several beats of silence passed; Sesshoumaru watched Teles, who regarded her hands with something that looked very much like detached fascination.

Finally, she spoke. "Again, thank you."

Sesshoumaru's brows twitched slightly. "... Thank you?"

"Yes, for the clothes - again. They... fit perfectly."

He nodded. "Ah. Of course. I could not, in good conscience, let you wander around modern-day Tokyo without any resources." And even as the words came out of his mouth, he marveled at the words, the cool, detached tone. Could I sound like more of an ass?

Clearing her throat, Teles' gaze lifted, meeting his eyes. "I was... somewhat surprised that you were... here."

"I'm rather surprised myself. I hadn't quite anticipated the side effects of living this long." He paused for a moment. "The youkai who could not adapt simply died out over the years," Sesshoumaru added, his tone quiet, taking on something of a musing quality.

She watched him, her eyes solemn, and... was that sadness in the jade depths? "Then perhaps I should not be entirely surprised that you are here."

A tiny, wry smile formed. "Really? I would have said adaptability has never been one of my strong suits."

She met his smile with one of her own. "Determination instead, possibly."

How? How was it she could smile at him? How was it she could joke? It had been half a millennium for him, but it had been only days for her. Days since he'd behaved in the most reprehensible manner he could have imagined. And yet, she had come here; she was sitting with him, talking with him, smiling at him.

And now she was staring at him. He felt her eyes over his face as surely as any physical touch. Resisting the urge to reach out and capture one of her hands in his own, Sesshoumaru swallowed, his eyes never leaving her face.

"I missed you," he said quietly.

Teles felt the rest of the world fall away with those three words. He'd spoken them so softly, so matter-of-factly, that for a moment she was sure she hadn't heard him correctly.

But she had.

She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came. "I..." Teles' throat closed suddenly and she swallowed hard against the sudden tightness there. "I know," she managed. "I saw." Closing her eyes and huffing out a short dry laugh, she added, "Greek. You learned Greek."

"I had some time," was the reply.

She found she could only nod at the understatement. When she opened her eyes, she saw him watching her still. Tawny eyes were fixed on her and when she met them, Teles saw the youkai's pain reflected at her so clearly that it caused an ache to manifest in her chest. She'd never known his eyes to be so very expressive, and it made her breath catch.

"...I'm sorry, Teles," Sesshoumaru murmured. "For... doing what I did. For making you leave." His voice was a hoarse, husky shadow, and she saw that his posture had stiffened slightly, as if he were preparing himself for a blow - verbal or physical.

Nodding, Teles swallowed again, trying to relieve the tightness in her throat. "I thought you ... I thought you hated me."

Sesshoumaru shook his head slowly. "I could never hate you."

Tears pricked at her eyes, blurring her vision in spite or - or possibly because of her relief. "Th-then... this form... did not disgust you?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.

The youkai stared at her for a moment, bemusement clouding his features. In one swift movement, he had vacated the armchair and was kneeling before her, staring up at her in disbelief. "Disgust me?"

She nodded. "This human form... you were not repulsed by it?"

He shook his head. "You're lovely, Teles."

"But... human," she added shakily. "You were trapped, mated to a human. I was told... humans... were nothing to you. Like... insects. Beneath your notice." Briskly wiping away the tears that had started to fall, Teles cleared her throat. "I had thought perhaps your attitude had changed, since you had taken Rin into your care, but it seemed to me that..." her words trailed off as Sesshoumaru stood with a sigh, walking toward one of the large windows.

"I... let myself be poisoned against them. But... that was many years ago." Exhaling softly, he rested a hand against the glass, speaking even more quietly. "I did hate them. But that was before... everything. And even if I had hated humans when I met you...." Sesshoumaru swallowed hard. "I could no longer hate them after you were transformed."

Teles was still for a moment, letting his words wash over her. She shifted on the couch, pushing herself to her feet with a little bit of effort, but when she was upright, she crossed the room, cutting through the thick, heavy atmosphere until she stood by his side. "Then... why did you... why?" she asked quietly.

Her eyes reflected a myriad of emotions - bewilderment, nervousness, sadness, disbelief - and though her voice was soft, the timbre of it caused his heart to wrench. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes; he could not bear to look at her and admit such a thing. "...I was afraid your transformation had rendered you... meek." Even as he said the words - words he had planned for centuries to say - Sesshoumaru still could not quite believe he had ever considered any of it a good idea.

"...Meek?" Teles echoed, the faintest hint of incredulity filtering into her tone.

He opened his eyes and blew out a hard breath, fogging the glass. "Before your transformation, you... defied me. Argued with me. Fought with me. Afterwards... you did not." He chanced a look at her out of the corner of his eye; the faintest slivers of comprehension were glimmering in her eyes and another wave of apprehension fluttered through his system. Sesshoumaru was fairly sure that once his mate realized what he had done, she would deliver upon him the temper he'd once tried so hard to provoke.

Teles' words slipped out in a whisper. "That was what you wanted."

"Yes," he replied, turning his gaze to the world beyond the window. "I fell in love with you defiant. I could not stand the thought of living with you acquiescent." Another beat of silence passed, during which time he lifted his head and turned, offering her a small, rueful smile. "The fact that I perhaps should not have gone about kindling your defiance in quite that manner has been pointed out to me extensively, I assure you."

Shaking her head, Teles leaned her back against the glass, covering her eyes with one hand. Her fingers slid up to rub slowly at her forehead. The urge to yell - to vent the pain, the uncertainty, the frustrations of the past six weeks - swirled beneath a haze of numb disbelief. "Kindling my defiance," she echoed in astonishment.

"Yes. Let me see. I was lectured by... Rin, Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, the old miko of the village Kagome and Inuyasha lived in, that kitsune who went around with them, the flea demon my brother had as a retainer, Jaken, if you can believe it... Even the feline fire youkai snubbed me."

She looked at him suddenly. "Lectured?"

"Oh, yes," he replied, nodding slowly. "All basically boiling down to 'You tried to WHAT?'"

"And yet, I find myself... echoing that sentiment." Teles was quiet for a moment, shaking her head. "Lectured. By Jaken?"

Sesshoumaru's attention turned back to the bustling city below. "He got rather impatient with me when I refused to come out of the library for several weeks."

Teles blinked once. "What?" When Sesshoumaru only sighed and shook his head, Teles turned to face him. "You didn't... leave the library?"

"No."

"...And... Jaken lectured you on this point."

"Yes."

Several seconds of silence ticked by. "Forgive me, but... we are talking about the same Jaken, are we not?"

"The only servant I ever had, yes," he replied, his mouth twitching into a humorless smile.

"I see." Teles didn't say anything for a moment or two. The question hovered in her mind, but she did not want to ask it. "Why...didn't you leave the library?"

Sesshoumaru hesitated before answering her. "Because by that point you'd been gone for two months and I was beginning to realize that you were not coming back."

A sharp picture coalesced suddenly for the former goddess. He had never hated her, never regretted their mating; he had not believed or thought any of the things she had attributed to him. He'd been alone for half a millennium. Alone.

The air seeped out of her lungs leaving Teles dizzy. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I didn't..."

He looked at her, his expression grave. "You had every right."

"I didn't mean to punish you," she replied hoarsely. "I simply thought... you didn't... want me anymore." When Sesshoumaru shook his head slowly Teles swallowed hard once more as tears began to spill. "I didn't... intend... I'm sorry."

Moving away from the window, Sesshoumaru stepped closer, wiping the tear-tracks away with the pad of his thumb. "Do not apologize, beloved," he whispered. "And, do not cry. Please, do not."

Teles did not answer; she could not. Instead, she slid her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. She felt his warmth radiate through his clothing, and could hear the distant thud of his heartbeat.

Sesshoumaru felt her arms go around him; her embrace was somewhat awkward, taking into consideration her swollen abdomen. But that did not detract from the fact that she was pressed against him, her head fitting neatly under his chin. His arms went around her, hands stroking her back slowly. "I missed you," he whispered hoarsely. "Every day. I worried about you and the child and..." he closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

"I thought you hated me," she mumbled brokenly against his chest, her tears dampening his sweater. "I could think of no reason for it other than that. I must have been such a disappointment to you, and you were trapped, mated with a human woman, and I was so sure you hated me for it." She shuddered in a sob. "I thought... that I was not what you wanted any longer. And I couldn't stand it, because I loved you so much it hurt." Teles fisted her hands in the soft material of his sweater. "I couldn't hate you for it. And I still can't."

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes as her words washed over him, unable to believe he'd been capable of such idiocy. "No. No," he breathed, pressing a kiss into her hair. They stood like that for several long moments, holding each other as tightly as they dared. "Please, Teles," he murmured, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. At the sight of her bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face he stilled, the ache in his chest worse now than it had ever been before.

Rin's dark eyes, blazing with anger, flashed through his mind. 'You made her leave! I hate you, I HATE YOU!'

The youkai clenched his eyes tightly shut against the sudden memory. His throat aching, he whispered, "I did not hate you. I could never hate you, and you could never disgust or disappoint me. You are my mate. I belong to you." He closed his eyes and lowered his head, pressing his forehead against hers, smelling her tears. "That will never change." They stood like that for several moments, and when Sesshoumaru opened his eyes, he looked down, he saw his mate watching him, an unreadable expression in her familiar gaze. The silence stretched out as they remained like that.

"Sesshoumaru," she murmured, reaching up and letting her fingertips brush his facial markings. He closed his eyes at the light touch, welcome after so many years. The gentle ministrations made something begin to thaw and loosen inside of him.

It took him several seconds to find his voice again. "Yes?"

The warm lips pressed against his mouth suddenly, and his eyes opened briefly in surprise, closing almost immediately. Slowly, one hand found its way to the nape of her neck, cradling her head as he returned the kiss, rememorizing the shape and flavor of her mouth. His memory sent a jolt through his system as her familiar taste washed over him. Too long. It had been far too long. Her lips were warmer, softer than even he'd remembered them being. Sesshoumaru felt her hands drift down to his shoulders, her fingers tightening in the material of his sweater.

The sensation of her fingertips digging into his flesh sparked something primal inside of him, and it became a concerted effort to keep from devouring her completely. When her lips parted, a soft growl reverberated through his chest as he fought against the surge of desperation that nearly drowned him. He felt her breathing hitch and her arms tighten around his neck and realized she too was fighting off a similar wave. Deepening the kiss intently, he let one hand slide down the length of her body coming to rest at the small of her back, rubbing slow, soothing circles against her flesh. She was here with him, in his arms, and he would not let her go again.

Except... he would. He had to. The youkai felt a sudden twinge at the thought, but pushed it aside. She was there with him, and at that moment very little else mattered.

Soon the warm, pliant lips that had been gliding against his mouth broke the kiss gently. His eyes remained closed, but he could feel her hot breath against his face, and when next she spoke, he felt her lips brush his skin.

"It wasn't a punishment, beloved."

Sesshoumaru nodded a little, mentally absorbing and cataloging the moment. Her taste lingered on his lips and in his mouth, her scent filled his senses, and her body's soft, warm curves were pressed against him. She was in his arms, and for the first time in five centuries, the tension that had coiled within him, growing only tighter over the years, began to unwind. Again her hands went to his face, and again her fingertips traced the stripes on his cheek, his eyelids, the moon between his brows. It was all the youkai could do to refrain from sighing.

"If you like," she murmured, tilting his head down so she could brush her lips across his crescent, "I could defy you now."

Sesshoumaru chuckled softly. "You'd do me this favor?" he asked, opening his eyes and letting her fill his vision once more. Smiling, he brushed his fingers across her cheek.

She appeared to consider it for a moment. "I suppose it's a bit paradoxical, agreeing to defy you. But still..."

Clearing his throat, Sesshoumaru schooled his features into a solemn expression. "You could defy me by being complacent, I suppose, although that would get us right back where we started."

"And I'd much rather not do that," she mused, running her fingers through his bangs. The gentle touch sent a shiver through him, and his eyes fluttered shut once more. "...However..."

Her short nails scraped against his scalp and a soft, contented growl formed in the back of his throat. "However?" he prompted, forcing his eyes open, the result being a contented, lazy expression.

She glared at him, her green gaze sparking with righteous indignation. "That is still, by far, the most idiotic, asinine, and utterly, utterly stupid thing you've ever done. And, so help me, if you ever try and do something like that again, I will flay you alive," she said, her eyes revealing no humor and her tone brooking no argument. In spite of her tone and expression, Sesshoumaru smiled, closing his eyes and pulling her close, rocking her.

"You've no idea how happy that makes me," he said, relieved chuckles making his shoulders shake slightly.

Her arms tightened around him in return. "You laugh as though I were kidding."

"Oh, no," he replied, kissing the top of her head. "I'm fully aware you mean it."

She buried her face against his neck and he felt her smile against his skin, nuzzling him. Suddenly her arms tightened hard around him as the pup gave a kick that even Sesshoumaru could feel.

He pulled away slowly, blinking as he gazed down at the swollen abdomen. "Gods. Energetic, isn't he?"

"You don't know the half of it," Teles replied wearily.

"Mmm. Come here," he said, taking her hand in his and leading her back to the couch.

Teles winced, following without an argument. "...I'm choosing not to - ow, oh gods... defy you now."

Sesshoumaru sunk down against the vast, plump cushions. "Thank you," he murmured, carefully pulling her down onto his lap, rubbing more firmly at her lower back.

Teles rested against his chest, her head settling at his shoulder. She felt small in his arms, diminutive, and the desire to protect her, to ease her pain, to provide comfort surged through the youkai lord. He felt his mate stiffen once more, gritting a fairly vicious swear through her teeth as her hands curled into fists.

"I thought he wouldn't stop this morning..." Another spasm hit and she tensed once more, a strangled whimper coming from the back of her throat.

"I see," he replied softly, bringing his other hand to her abdomen, rubbing the rounded flesh gently. He felt the hanyou jump and twitch under his palm and he swallowed hard. His child - his child's life fluttered against his hand. "He's insistent; it is not an altogether bad trait." The unborn hanyou pup jerked suddenly and its mother let out a sharp cry. He turned his head to look at his mate. "Try to relax, Teles."

The former goddess blinked. Relax? Is he mad? She shot him an incredulous look, but made an effort to loosen her body, willing it to slacken and rest against his solid warmth. It took less effort than she would have imagined and soon her eyes slid shut. "Like that?"

"Exactly," he replied softly, leaning forward and letting out a soft, rumbling growl against her abdomen.

"He... was quite active this morning, but then Kagome ran the shower, and the warmth of the water seemed to..." Teles trailed off at the sound of the growl, the reverberations vibrating against her flesh. It sent tremors through her body, and her train of thought came stuttering to a stop.

"Seems to...?" he prompted, gazing up at her.

Teles forced her eyes open. "Seems to work," she managed weakly. "A warm shower seemed to work. But that-" Here Teles winced as the pup kicked again, but the sensation had seemed to subside slightly.

She watched in amazement as Sesshoumaru let out another growl, slightly louder, lasting a little while longer. Again, the noise sent another slew of vibrations echoing through her, and the sound, combined with the slow, steady ministrations at the small of her back made the tension melt slowly away, replaced with drowsy contentment. "But that seems to be working as well."

Sesshoumaru only nodded, closing his eyes as he continued to growl against her stomach. They stayed like that for the better part of an hour, the youkai calming the pup. Teles lay still as the child within her settled, and she realized for the first time how long it had been since she'd felt truly relaxed. She had grown used to the unborn pup's activity, and as that had increased, she'd grown more used to it. Except for the night she'd left the den, the pup was never truly quiet; he was constantly moving, shifting, or stretching within her. But now... now the restlessness had ceased; he was tranquil within her.

Teles made a soft, contented sound, prying her eyes open to regard her mate. "When did you learn this?"

Sesshoumaru looked up. "Learn which?" He straightened, leaning back against the couch, shifting Teles in his lap; he had not stopped rubbing her back. "Does that feel better?"

"Yes, it does, and - all of it. When did you learn to do this?"

The youkai was silent for a few seconds before answering her quietly. "The growl I worked out from research Miroku and Sango did. The... massage I learned when Rin was pregnant."

The pregnant woman blinked once, then twice, unsure which piece of news surprised her more. "Miroku and Sango did research? For what? And Rin was pregnant? When?"

"They took on the task of researching hanyou births because you were having so much discomfort. They wondered what I might do to alleviate it."

This information sunk in slowly, and her brows twitched in puzzlement. "When did they..."

"Their errand coincided with your... departure." A muscle jumped in his throat and he looked away, gazing again at the rounded stomach. "They did not know you had left."

"I see," she said quietly. A small smile curved her lips. "Someone should tell them it's working, I think."

Sesshoumaru grew strangely quiet, and Teles saw that his expression grew more somber. Without pulling his gaze from her stomach, he murmured, "I would if I could."

Teles opened her mouth to reply, to ask him what he was talking about, when the full force of it hit her. The blood drained from her face and her mouth worked silently as she strove to find her voice, her mind racing the whole while - five hundred years, she was five centuries in the future. Youkai were long lived, certainly. But the lives of men were not so enduring.

Bowing his head, Sesshoumaru replied, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reminded you."

"I just... it hadn't occurred to me. They... I only just saw them, it seems."

"I know." He brought his eyes to her face, meeting her gaze. "You did only just see them. It's understandable that... it might not have occurred to you yet."

Teles swallowed, nodding slowly. The little monk and the taiji-ya, dead. It wasn't fair that she'd never been given the opportunity to say goodbye, to wish them luck - to wish the monk luck with the taiji-ya, for that matter. Lifetimes had passed, and she was only beginning to realize the extent of what she'd done when she left.

"And... what of Rin?" she asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. If Miroku and Sango had passed on, she was certain that time would have had the same effect on the small, vibrant child she had known.

Sesshoumaru was silent for a moment before answering. "She grew up and married a young man of good character. They were very happy," he said, his voice low.

"I... I see." Teles licked her lips once, a question poised on her lips. She didn't want to know, not really, but... "Was she... very angry with me for leaving?" she asked in a small voice.

The youkai swallowed. "No. She wasn't angry with you, beloved."

Teles nodded slowly. Something about his answer seemed... odd, but she decided not to pursue it. Reaching up, she touched her youkai mate's cheek lightly. "I am sorry, Sesshoumaru, that you've been alone for so long." She stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. "I won't leave you again. I swear it."

He looked at her for several moments, and Teles could almost feel his gaze as surely as a touch. Blowing out a soft breath, he shifted her carefully in his lap, and soon she found herself nearly nose to nose with him. Eyes the color of molten honey held her gaze, searing her with only a look. He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her forehead and pressed a kiss against the skin there. A tiny frown knitted between her brows - he did not respond; that was wholly unlike him. Did he not believe her? "...Sesshoumaru?"

"You're here now. That is all that is important," he murmured against her forehead, before bringing his mouth to hers and kissing her slowly.



He held her like that for... it had to have been hours, but for Sesshoumaru, time had ceased to hold very much meaning. The sun moved across the sky, shifting the shadows across the apartment, but for the first time in centuries, the youkai had little interest in the passing minutes. He held his mate, who had long since fallen asleep, her head resting lightly against his shoulder. He could only imagine how completely exhausted she must have been - the pup had taken so very long to quiet. This was probably the first bit of true rest she had been able to capture in days - if not weeks - and he was not going to disturb it.

Blowing out a soft sigh, he brushed the long bangs away from her forehead, letting his thumb caress her temple lightly. She did not stir.

Two weeks. Three if he could not let her go sooner. Sesshoumaru had already lived an entire lifetime without his mate, and he was determined to make the most of the time he had before returning her to his former self.

It certainly couldn't hurt more than losing her the first time.\

A/N: A few things, really quick.

1. For my purposes, Sesshoumaru's fluffy isn't part of him. I know there's tons of speculation about the fluffy, and typically I subscribe to the belief that it's a tail.

2. Any questions about time -- time loop, grandfather paradox, what have you -- will be dealt with. Trust me. I've had this planned out for going on a year now. I've had ample time to iron out the details.

3. Yes, Inuyasha's in the present. Yes, I realize two souls can't exist in the same time line without problems (ep 15), but that will be addressed as well. Trust me -- I'm not going to leave out explanations for the sake of length at this point.