InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Of Strings and Kevlar ❯ Relying on His Heart ( Chapter 15 )

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha.

***

Kagome sighed as she slammed shut her instrument locker in the cello room of the Music Building. It had been a long hour inside her cello professor's office, and she wasn't sure what she was more upset about: that she had been so distracted, or that her professor had picked up on it.

“Kagome, what's wrong with you?” her professor asked, looking at his student over the rim of his reading glasses from his chair in front of her. “I've never seen you so ill-prepared for a lesson.”

“I know,” Kagome replied, looking to the floor in shame as she set her bow on her music stand. “I'm sorry.”

The elder cellist frowned, eyeing her critically. He took off his glasses and set them on his desk behind him and turned back to face her. “This isn't like you. Is everything all right?”

Feeling a bit distressed, Kagome closed her eyes briefly before catching herself, intent on not showing any weakness in front of her professor. Straightening her back, she looked him in the eye and smiled despite her embarrassment. “I'm fine, Doc,” she assured him with more confidence than she felt. She picked up her bow again and took a deep breath, then broadened her fake smile as she forced the distracting thoughts out of her head. “I apologize for being unprepared. It won't happen again.”

He looked at her questioningly, but merely nodded. “Let's try that section again, starting at the coda.”

“Okay,” she said, wanting to smack herself as she began again.

Kagome shook her head as she turned away from her locker and left the cello room. What an idiot she'd been! Yes, she had wanted to end things with Kouga as soon as possible, despite her fear of how it may end up going. But driving to his home in New Orleans to late Sunday night when her lesson was Monday morning? What was she thinking? Not only did it rob her of precious sleep, but it had also served to take her mind further off her music. It wasn't as if she had made any progress when she was practicing the day before, what with Sango's and Inuyasha's visits to her practice room.

Despite her self-loathing, she couldn't stop the small smile that came to her lips as she thought of the hanyou, but she quickly sobered. What was she going to tell Inuyasha? She knew that Sango had told him she was asleep when he called the night before, but in reality, she had still been very much awake and very much in anxiety over the whole fiasco that had taken place at Kouga's house. But whether or not Inuyasha believed Sango was the least of her worries; what was she going to say when he asked how it went? Could she tell him that Kouga had brought up such horrible memories of a disastrous break-up from the past and that in the end, her biggest concern had been escaping the situation rather than following through with the original reason she had gone to his house?

In all honesty, she couldn't even remember most of the things she had said to Kouga as she was storming out of his house, but she certainly remembered the last thing he said….

“I love you, Kagome. I know you don't love me, but I'll always love you, and I can't give you up. Not yet.”

Tears stung at her eyes at the recollection of his words, and she hastily wiped them away as she turned the corner in the crowded corridor of the Music Building, dodging the other students making their way to lessons and classes. Kouga had refused to release her from what he probably liked to consider their relationship, and what had she done in response to his lunacy? Had she told him that the decision was already made and wasn't up to him? Had she told him to go fuck himself? No. She had scurried away from him like a scared rabbit because of her own irrational fears, her ghosts from the past.

`Because deep down, I still care for him,' she realized dreadfully, her steps slowing. `I may not feel the way he does, but I don't want to see him hurt, and I really hurt him last night.' Her tears tried to make another appearance, and she pushed them back as the night replayed in her mind's eye once more. Kouga had looked so lost, so distressed when she had told him what she wanted. He had looked like he was going to drop off the cliff of sanity at any moment, like he could do something drastic in his grief to hurt himself, or maybe even her. He had looked…

…like Hojo.

And that was it, wasn't it? That was why she couldn't tell him off; because she was scared he would freak out and do something like Hojo had done.

Realizing the directions her thoughts were going, Kagome came to an abrupt stop in the hallway, ignoring the cursing of the people forced to walk around her. Dammit, she didn't love Kouga, just as she hadn't loved Hojo, and she refused to be stuck with him just because he said so! She was just going to have to build up the courage and ditch him for good, whether he wanted her to or not.

And then there was Inuyasha. She leaned against the wall as the crowds thinned around her. What of her feelings for him? She had been telling herself that they didn't play any role in her decision to finally break it off with Kouga, but was that really true? Wasn't she just a little influenced by her desire for another man to get away from her current one? Just a tiny bit?

Kagome brought her hands together and absently rubbed the tips of her left fingers, still a little numb from her lesson. Whether Inuyasha was a factor or not was really no longer relevant. She had already made her move to part with Kouga, so was she free to see Inuyasha now or not? Would she force herself to wait until everything was crystal clear with the wolf before pushing off for other waters? Would anything ever really be crystal clear with that dense youkai? And didn't she deserve to be with someone she was actually interested in? Didn't she deserve… to be happy?

Inuyasha seemed to think so.

Kagome smiled as she stared down at her fingers, pointedly ignoring the scratches on the back of her hand. How had it come to this? How did that brash, conceited ass manage to so turbulently crash into her heart and take up residence therein, and seemingly with so little effort at that? Perhaps he wasn't as much of an ass as he had seemed at first.

`No. He's an ass, all right… but he's my ass.'

A vibration coming from her back pocket pulled her from her musings, and she pulled her phone out to check the incoming message:

From: Sango
where the fuck r u?

Rolling her eyes at her cousin's impatience, Kagome slipped her phone back into her pocket and made her way down the hall to meet Sango for lunch. She wasn't sure if she had any more of an idea of what she was going to do now than before she had dawdled in the hallway, but at least her ongoing deliberation had helped to work up an appetite.

***

`Well, this practice is shot to hell,' Inuyasha thought as he shoved his sticks into his bag and zipped it up. Turning, he scowled at the well-worn snare drum as if it had just insulted him. He had been in this practice room since getting out of music history class--nearly three hours ago--hashing out the rough spots of the Markovich solo he had been assigned, and he was still no closer to being ready for his lesson this week than he was when he had first started. His problem really wasn't the drum, though he liked to be able to blame something other than himself.

He couldn't concentrate. What happened with Kagome and the shithead last night? Did she break it off? Did she chicken out? Did he do something to hurt her? Or did he agree to it and simply let her go, meaning Inuyasha had been freaking out for the past twelve hours for no reason? Sango had said she was home and safe, and he believed her, but he was sure that she had been holding something back. Something important. But what?

Sighing, he gathered his solo from the music stand and put the pages back in order so he could put it away in his bag. There was no use worrying about those things right now. No questions could be answered until he had a chance to talk to Kagome, and he wasn't even sure where sh--

Suddenly he froze, the papers in his hands fluttering to the floor, forgotten in an instant. His nostrils instinctively flared as the hint of her scent reached him, and an automatic smile came to his face. She was close. Very close.

Forgetting about the wolf, Inuyasha ran a clawed hand through his bangs and opened the door, his smile broadening as Kagome's unfiltered scent met his nose. His ears and nose tracked her movement, and he timed himself before quickly stepping out of the practice room just as she was about to pass it, and he laughed as she gasped in surprise.

“Inuyasha!” she exclaimed, dropping her car keys with an echoing clatter to the floor. Her tone told of her shock, but the sparkle in her eyes showed she was equally as happy to see him as he was her. She swallowed and tried--unsuccessfully--to hide her pleased smile. “What are you doing here?”

As usual, the sound of her voice saying his name caused his pulse to quicken, but he slapped on a smirk that hopefully concealed such an emotional reaction. “What you're always telling me I need to do, despite my obvious skill,” he replied smartly, relishing her playfully narrowed eyes as he stooped to retrieve her keys from the floor. Straightening up again, he couldn't help but allow his gaze to linger on those lusciously curved legs she always insisted on showing off to him, and at that moment, Inuyasha was certain he would be willing to die just to catch a glimpse of the treasures that lay beneath the dark denim of her shorts.

“Enjoying the view?”

Far from embarrassed at being caught, the hanyou merely gave her his cockiest smile as he completely straightened his back up. “Immensely,” he countered, holding her keys just out of her reach.

Kagome's blush amused him, but what was even more entertaining was the way her eyes flashed in irritation when he wouldn't allow her to take her keys back, pulling them away each time she reached for them, just enough to get on her nerves. After a few tries, she finally stepped back and crossed her arms, her face a mask of annoyance. “Well, I can see you never moved on from kindergarten,” she said, her mischievous tone belying her anger. She held out both hands in front of her. “Pretty please, Inuyasha, may I have my keys back?” she asked in a sarcastically sweet voice.

His pulse suddenly quickening, he took a bold step toward her. “Oh, Kagome,” he said huskily, teasingly, inciting yet another blush from the girl. “I think I could get used to hearing you beg.” He reached for her hand with his empty one to place the keys in her palm but stopped short when he noticed her wince in pain. His youki suddenly flared just a little, as if it had picked up on something that he wasn't catching. “What's wrong?” he asked, his tone a touch darker. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” she replied quickly, dropping her eyes and offering no further explanation. “Let go, Inuyasha. Please.”

Puzzled by her behavior and determined to find out the reason behind it, he ignored her request and looked down at her hand, instinctively holding it tighter when she tried to pull it back. Inuyasha met her eyes again briefly, frowning at the sudden tang of nervousness that tainted her scent, and looked down at her hand again, not noticing anything amiss on her palm or fingers. Curious, he turned it over….

…and immediately felt a surge of fury rush through his body upon seeing the scratches on the back of her hand. Playfulness and flirting immediately fled his brain as he analyzed the wounds marring her otherwise flawless skin. They were relatively fresh, no more than twelve or so hours old, and they had been treated with peroxide; Inuyasha absentmindedly found it odd he hadn't smelled it before. The scratches were inflicted by something very sharp… four sharp somethings. A low, menacing rumble began in his chest.

“How?” he growled, shifting his glare back up to her frightened eyes, his voice an octave deeper than normal. His blood heated and sped through his veins like lightning lava as he held her hand, noticing she had given up trying to pull away. “How?” he repeated a little louder. Of course, he had already figured out the answer to that question, but he wanted to hear her say it. He wanted a reason, just one good fucking reason to skip his afternoon class and take a drive to New Orleans today.

Kagome met his stare and frowned, her eyes reflecting her fear as she licked her lips hesitantly. “I…uh….” Her throat muscles moved as she swallowed, and she looked down at her hand, still in his possession. “I-I don't…d-don't want….”

As she stammered, Inuyasha could feel the rage building inside him, quickly rising up through his torso and making his lungs work faster, his heart pump harder. She was hurt. That bastard hurt her. That damned, spineless, cock-sucking mother-fucker put his claws on her and hurt her, and Inuyasha was having a hard time controlling his immediate reaction to the news. He could feel the urge inside him, boiling over his already feeble control.

Maim him. Bathe him in his own blood for daring to draw hers.

He wanted to. God, he wanted to more than anything, but the fear in Kagome's voice wouldn't allow him to leave her; he had never heard it from her before. Sadness, anger, regret? Sure, but never fear, and to say it was unsettling was a gross understatement. He knew he wasn't the one scaring her, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. All he knew was that he needed to find a way to fix it.

He took a shaky breath to reel in his anger and willed himself to look back down at her hand, carefully stroking the smooth skin covering her knuckles and avoiding the gouges caused by the wolf. He bowed his head and gently kissed her hand, placing slow, soft kisses on her skin, making sure to cover every inch of the claw trails with his lips, and then going over them again for good measure, to make his presence felt where Kouga had dared to deliver his own. It wasn't until he could no longer smell the fear coming from the girl that he raised his head and met her glazed eyes, the blush dusting her nose and cheeks somehow making him happier than he'd been in at least a day, since the last time he had touched her, held her in this very same building when he interrupted her practice the day before.

Kagome looked down at their joined hands and smiled softly, which had a duel effect on his emotions: relief that he had comforted her, and more rage that she needed comforting to begin with--all because of the stupid, stupid actions of a so-called loving boyfriend. Which brought up another point….

“So,” Inuyasha began. “Other than that,” he nodded toward her hand, clenching his jaw to keep from getting fired up again, “how did it go?”

“Fine,” she answered a little too quickly. Her eyes were still downcast, and her free hand tugged distractedly on the hem of her yellow t-shirt. “Everything else was fine.”

He narrowed his eyes as he picked up what seemed to be denial in her voice, in her scent. Denial… or deceit? “Just fine?” he inquired, tilting his head to get a better look at her eyes.

Kagome nodded silently before looking up at him again, chancing a small smile. She paused. “...Yeah. I-it's all over now, and I can't tell you how relieved I am!” she said, laughing a little as she nervously scratched the back of her neck.

`Definitely deceit,' he thought, suppressing a frown. “Are you sure it's over?” he asked, suspicion clouding his better judgment of words. “You wouldn't just be telling me that, would you?”

Her smile dissipated, and that familiar spark darkened her eyes once more. “Am I on trial here? Why are you grilling me?” she demanded to know, finally yanking her hand out of his gentle grip.

Fighting the urge to verbally lash back at her about her defensiveness, Inuyasha took a deep breath and zeroed in on her agitated glare. “I'm just asking, Kagome. I thought you knew that I was interested in hanging out with you a little more once you were rid of your obligations.” He cringed, realizing right away that he had probably not chosen the best way to put that.

“Oh, my obligations?” she fired back, her voice rising. “I'm sorry, Inuyasha, if my obligations are interfering with what you want, but you knew that I needed to take care of it before I could be with you. This isn't all about you!” she informed him, jabbing her finger into his chest for emphasis.

He suppressed a snarl at her insinuation, his temper starting to get the better of him once again. “Oh, I know it's not about me. How could I possibly forget that? Nothing is about me, remember? You make that painfully obvious every time you tell me how concerned you are about hurting that asshole's feelings!”

“Hey! I told you how I feel about you! But no matter how badly I want to be with you, Inuyasha, you're right; this thing between me and Kouga is exactly between me and Kouga! And unless I'm mistaken, you agreed that I should talk to him before you and I go out!”

The mention of that fuck's name only served to fuel his fire. “I never said that,” he growled. “I wanted you to just forget about him, but you insisted on going to his house last night, so I respected your decision on the condition that you call me on your way home.” He narrowed his eyes. “Why didn't that happen, by the way?”

Her eyes suddenly widened for a brief moment, and she pulled back from him slightly. “I-I was upset, Inuyasha,” she stuttered, the fire weakening somewhat from her eyes. “I'm sorry I didn't call you, but I was talking to Miroku. He was… he was calming me down, I guess. I needed a friend who understood everything that has happened.”

Inuyasha frowned, suddenly recognizing his probationary placement in her inner circle with a small amount of pain. Pushing down the rejection he felt, he sighed and relaxed his shoulders, taking a moment to choose his next words carefully. But his left ear suddenly twitched, and he looked to the left to see a couple of guys coming toward them in the hallway, talking and laughing with each other about something that had happened in their class that morning. Inuyasha looked back at Kagome and took note of her blush as she looked down at her feet, obviously not wanting them to hear their personal business. He sighed again and scratched the back of his head distractedly, silently waiting for the students to pass, who were oblivious to the argument they had just barged in on as they horsed around with each other. Inuyasha took the opportunity to clear his head of the resentment he had just been taking out on Kagome--the last person he ever wanted to blame for his anger at the wolf--and got a hold of what he really wanted to say to her.

Finally, the students stepped out of the open door just a few yards away, and Inuyasha caught the cellist's attention again, his voice much more even now. “Kagome, I just want to know that everything is okay between us.” He paused, making sure his temper was in check and that she was holding eye contact with him before he spoke again. “Are you free to do what you want now? Will you still go out with me this Friday without any guilt hanging over your head about… about him?”

Kagome caught her lower lip between her teeth and brought her hands together to fidget nervously. She seemed to consider her answer before finally saying, “I am looking forward to this Friday with you, Inuyasha. I wouldn't worry about any guilt on my part, if I were you.”

Recognizing an open-ended response when he heard one, Inuyasha frowned again and reached for her uninjured hand, holding it gently within his own. “Don't feed me what you think I want to hear, Kagome. Tell me you're free of him and can be with me. I want to know that nothing is holding you back now.”

It took a second or two, but then she smiled, seemingly genuinely. “I….” She took a deep breath and smiled wider. “I'm… I can be with you. There's nothing over my head now. He won't come between us, I promise.”

As Inuyasha watched her expression closely, he couldn't decide what was more disturbing: the muddled nature of her scent, or the fact that he was willing to ignore it. He couldn't make any sense of what he could pick up with his nose; it was too vague, too mixed and convoluted, and that was something entirely new for him. But instead of harping on it, he tossed his theories for the time being and relied on his heart, which was being very stubborn and opinionated, telling him that she was telling the truth because she would never intentionally hurt him. And it was exactly what he wanted to hear.

And so, accepting the observations of his heart, he smiled and pulled her toward him, wrapping his other arm around her waist and holding her close. She rested her head comfortably against his chest, and the tension that had built in his neck and shoulders melted away. He couldn't say why he felt the need to hold her in such a way, to feel her wrapped within the safe confines of his embrace, but ever since the charity ball, he had become aware of a pressing urge to protect her, to ensure her safety. It confused him, this instinct that had seemingly originated out of thin air, but he felt himself incapable of arguing with it, not that he would necessarily want to.

Still holding one of her hands in his, Inuyasha squeezed it meaningfully and took a deep breath of her scent surrounding him, and his muscles seemed to relax even more of their own accord. What was it about her that made him feel so calm? Despite the rage he felt when he realized she was hurt, her presence ordinarily--as of late--promoted such intense feelings of tranquility that it almost scared him. Nobody had ever induced these feelings in him before. What was so special about this woman?

More importantly, did she feel the same way?

Her head lifted from his chest, prompting Inuyasha to dismiss such bothersome thoughts for the moment as he looked down at her face. `How did we get here?' he asked himself hypothetically as he gazed into endless brown. `How did I go from not being able to stand you to… to….' His thought process died a quick death as his gaze fell to her lips, looking just as warm and inviting as they had over two weeks ago in the Percussion Annex when he had first come upon the idea of kissing her. His memory of actually being able to bring that idea to fruition only two nights ago was all-too fresh in his mind; he could still smell the slight breeze coming off the Mississippi, could still feel the satin of her dress bunching beneath his fingertips, could still taste the Amaretto on her lips, her breath, her velvety tongue as it tentatively brushed against his.

The warm air blowing into the hallway from the open door all but took him back to that night on the balcony, and with one hand already on her back, he became lost in the memory and brushed his knuckles gently across her cheek. Her eyes closed slowly, and he could tell she was remembering it as well.

`To hell with waiting,' he decided, and pressed his lips against hers, unable to hold back the groan of relief as her taste flooded his mouth once more. Kagome's hands rose to his shoulders and looped possessively around his neck, her lips parting almost immediately for him as she stood on her toes to meet his kiss more fully. `Gods, this woman,' he thought absently as his arm tightened around her waist, his tongue stroking her bottom lip in its eagerness to explore the warmth of her mouth for a second time.

“Get a room, you two!”

Inuyasha snarled as Kagome snapped her head toward the familiar voice, her lips smacking away from his far too soon. Looking to his right with nothing short of wrath on his mind for whoever had interrupted their moment, he barely contained his rage when he saw Miroku and Sango standing just outside the doors, the former with obvious amusement gracing his features.

“You kids!” Miroku chided teasingly, shaking his head and adjusting the messenger bag on his shoulder. “What are we going to do with you two? Do I need to slap chastity belts on you?”

His temper deflating, Inuyasha would have rolled his eyes--and may have even chuckled a little--at their friend's harassment had he not noticed the angry scowl on Sango's face as she regarded the two of them in the hallway. She locked eyes with Inuyasha with suspicion in her stare, and he frowned as he released Kagome from his hold when she pulled away so she could greet them. He was somewhat shocked to find himself looking away deferentially.

“Are you coming with us to lunch?” Kagome asked hopefully, snagging his attention again.

His heart warmed, and he smiled genuinely, trying to forget about her intimidating cousin. “Yeah,” he answered. “Let me grab my stuff.”

She smiled and walked outside to meet Miroku and Sango, and as he watched her go, he met Sango's gaze again, still on him, still unhappy. He frowned and shook his head before going back into his practice room, not entirely sure if he wanted to know what she was thinking.

***

“Oh, shoot, Inu has my keys,” Kagome said, looking back at the door to the Music Building. “I'll be right back, okay?” She smiled, looking happier than she had in far too long in Sango's opinion, and turned back toward the building once again.

Sango waited until Kagome was out of earshot before turning her glare to Miroku. “`Inu?' Seriously?”

He looked at her curiously from behind his Oakleys. “What? It's just a nickname.”

Sango frowned and looked back into the doorway, watching for signs of her cousin or Inuyasha. “I don't know. Don't you think they're moving kind of fast? I mean, she just broke up with Kouga, and the jerk isn't even letting go of her yet, or however he put it.” Her scowl deepened at the memory of the story.

“Fuck him,” Miroku said, his hand rubbing her back soothingly. “It's not up to Kouga. She broke up with him, and that's that. If he has some half-baked delusion that they're still together, that's his problem.”

She shook her head. “No, Kagome still needs to straighten it out with him so she can truly move on. If he thinks they're still together, whether it's delusional or not, then this could get ugly. Really ugly. She and Inuyasha need to cool it until Kouga is set straight.”

“Kouga will probably never accept that,” Miroku argued, his tone hinting at his anger for the youkai. “It's not Kagome's responsibility to hold his fucking hand through the break-up process; she's done her part. Talking with him to try to `straighten things out' will only prolong the pain for her, and probably put him into even more denial.” He turned Sango's chin so she was looking at him again. “And Inuyasha is a good guy, and you know it. I think they're good together. Why don't you ease up off of him a little? I saw that look you gave him just now. He makes her happy. Isn't that a good thing?”

Sango frowned again and was about to speak when she looked back and noticed Inuyasha and Kagome coming out of the practice room together. She lowered her voice cautiously. “I don't know, Miroku. She's always had such bad luck with men. I just don't want her to get hurt again.”

“Yash won't hurt her,” he whispered, kissing her on the cheek. “I'm willing to vouch for him.”

She snorted, noticing the way the hanyou wouldn't take his eyes off her cousin, looking very much like someone else who had always claimed to care about her just as much as Inuyasha apparently seemed to. It left a bad taste in her mouth. `We'll see,' she finally thought to herself as they four of them met up outside and started moving toward the parking lot.

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A/N: I just wanted to send another huge THANKYOU to those who have reviewed. I'm so happy to see people enjoying my little twist of fiction, and your comments always bring a smile to my face.