InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Once Upon a Snowstorm ❯ Chapter Nine ( Chapter 9 )

Quickening: I've decided. We're all moving to South America.

Deedlit: O_o But…but it always RAINS in South America!

Quickening: I'll buy an umbrella.

Desiree: There's enough humidity to suffocate a horse. You hate humidity.

Quickening: Not as much as I hate my electric bill.

Deedlit: What about the mosquitoes the size of small cantaloupes?

Quickening: Mosquito netting works wonders, I hear.

Desiree: And I'm sure the fat, hairy spiders the size of a human head will be no problem at all. Right, Boss?

Quickening: ……

Desiree: …Boss?

Quickening: Sooooo…I hear Death Valleyis nice this time of year…

Chapter Nine

Things were definitely back to normal, and that included being shaken awake at the crack of noon with Inuyasha grumbling in her ear whether or not she was gonna sleep all day, and they had shards to locate, darn it, so get her lazy ass up and go find 'em!

After a satisfying series of sits, Kagome found herself down at the stream washing her face (whilst trying to ignore the smell of fish and river water), and wondering if she'd be able to bolt for the well before Inuyasha figured it out 'cause she really, really wanted to eat something other than vegetables and rice for a change. Not that she didn't appreciate Kaede's cooking, but she just craved something with more sustenance. Something like a nice, fattening, calorie-loaded cheeseburger with extra everything, and the biggest carton of salt-drowned French fries she could buy, and the sugar-loaded, fizzy ambrosia of the average teenager which was loaded with enough caffeine to send an elephant into cardiac arrest. WacDonalds was the closest place to the shrine that provided such a holy treasure, but unfortunately, it wouldn't be invented for another four hundred and fifty years yet.

Hmmm…maybe if she spent some of her hard-earned savings and promised to bring back some of this unhealthy goodness to share with the whole group, Inuyasha would be lenient and allow her to go. Then again, Inuyasha's junk food of choice was ramen and potato chips so…maybe not.

Of course, French fries were made out of potatoes…

As she batted the possibilities around in her head, she suddenly became aware of the familiar tingling in the back of her skull and in her spine that always heralded the arrival of a shikon shard. Even before she'd registered the feeling, Inuyasha was crouching before her, looking intent and eager like he always did when he knew he was about to kick some major ass. "I smell a youkai not far off, and it's coming this way," he told her eagerly. "Does it got a shard?"

"Yeah," she sighed, whilst bidding a fond adieu to her dreams of cheeseburgers and French fries. "Just one, but…"

"Let's go!" Inuyasha interrupted, practically scooping her onto his back as he took off toward the forest.

"W-wait! My bow and arrows!" Kagome protested.

"Miroku's coming with 'em. But we gotta get to the youkai before it gets to the village," he replied cheerfully. Kagome rolled her eyes. He could probably care less about the village; he just wanted a fight as soon as possible. "If we're lucky, it'll be an ogre or a mantis or something," he added, thus confirming her suspicions.

She snorted. "If we're lucky, it'll be something small enough to just step on, and get on with our lives," she retorted. "I want my cheeseburger, dammit!"

Inuyasha shot her a look over his shoulder which clearly stated that he thought she'd lost a few of her marbles, then just as quickly turned his attention back to where he was going when a local tree branch snapped him sharply across the face.

They found the youkai in no time, lumbering through the forest with no regard for the helpless trees that fell before its mighty wake. Really, it was amazing-what with the amount of youkai who always seemed to take the scenic route through said forest to reach the village-that the entire place hadn't been leveled to the ground by now.

But Inuyasha had gotten his wish, it appeared. The youkai was big. It was hairy. It was…

"…so cuuuute!" Kagome squealed, looking up at the youkai with hands clasped to her breast and big, sparkling eyes. "It looks like a hamster! A really big hamster, yeah, but it's so cute and fluffy and cuddly! It's adorable!"

Now Inuyasha was definitely looking at her like she was nuts, and when Miroku showed up a moment later-riding Kagome's bicycle-the hanyou turned on him and glared. "Just what did you do to her bouzu?!" he barked, ignoring Miroku's startled look. "She's been weird ever since the other night and it's your fault! Now look at her!" And he pointed a clawed hand at Kagome, who was still staring at the hamster-like youkai-which was busily gnawing off the top branches of a young tree-with all the longing of a three-year-old regarding a gigantic stuffed animal.

Miroku's brow furrowed. "Kagome?" he questioned gently. "Are you…okay?"

She blinked and looked at him. "Do we have to kill it?" she pleaded, putting on her best sad face. "It's so cute! I can't kill it. Do we have to kill it?"

"It is a monster, Kagome," Miroku replied dryly, an amused smile twitching at his lips. "No matter how…cute it is, it must be stopped before it reaches the village."

"And it's got a shard!" Inuyasha added hotly, unsheathing Tetsusaiga. "That's reason enough to skin it!"

"But…but…it's not doing anything," Kagome pouted.

"It is clearly something that lives on vegetation. If it reaches the village it might get to the storehouse and eat all the food that the villagers have harvested to last the winter," Miroku began reasonably. "Not only that, but it's big enough to level many of the buildings. Would you have that happen?"

"No, I guess not," she sighed sadly. "But…it's just so cuddly…"

Miroku raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer. "Well, if you really need to cuddle something, I'd be more than happy to offer my services," he suggested mildly, and was rewarded with a small glare.

"I'll just bet you would," she snorted. "Silly me, I forgot who I was talking to for a minute there…"

Miroku smiled at her innocently, opening his mouth to make a witty-or possibly perverted, knowing him-comeback, when Inuyasha's shout interrupted their private time.

"Save the flirting for another time! We're a little busy right now!" he yelled irritably.

"We are not flirting!" Kagome yelled back, her face turning beet red.

"Oh, you so were!" the hanyou snapped. "Now would ya mind givin' me a hand here?!"

It was about then that Kagome realized the formerly harmless-looking youkai had apparently had a sudden growth spurt. Before, where it had barely passed the top of the smaller and younger trees, it now stood a good five feet above the tallest of them. Not only that, but it had sprouted sword-length teeth and claws (and a lot of extra hair), and had apparently decided to ignore the trees altogether and attack Tetsusaiga, instead. It was now in the process of gnawing the sword through, and having a tough time of it. Sparks flew where the giant incisors screeched across enchanted metal, and Inuyasha's ears clamped firmly to his head at the hideous racket. Even Kagome and Miroku were having a hard time dealing with the screeching. It sounded like pairs of sharp fingernails being raked down every chalkboard in the entire world…all at the same moment. It was enough to make one's hair stand on end.

In fact, Inuyasha did seem a little more poofy-haired than usual, Kagome noted through the ringing in her ears.

"Tetsusaiga!" the hanyou suddenly shouted, bringing the blade up in a sharp jerk in an attempt to dismember the youkai. But for a creature that now resembled a hairball that a gigantic cat had coughed up, the hamster was remarkably agile and managed to leap away before any real damage could be done. It did end up missing a chunk of thick fur, however…and it was not happy about that.

To prove it, it reared up, opened its gaping maw and…it squeaked.

It was a very deep, guttural, and altogether hideous-sounding squeak, it was true, but it was definitely a squeak.

The three would-be heroes blinked and stared at the youkai, then at each other, and back at the youkai again.

"Um…are youkai supposed to sound like that?" Kagome asked uncertainly.

"Like what?" Miroku questioned.

"Like…like Mickey Mouse. With Laryngitis."

"It's a rodent, waddaya want?" Inuyasha snorted.

"Not a very scary rodent, is it?" Miroku replied with a grin.

"I think actual hamsters are more evil than this thing," Kagome sighed, shaking her head. "Do we have to kill it? I almost feel sorry for it. Besides…it's still kinda cute." Even if it did resemble a furry tumbleweed with eyeballs and feet.

"Where's the shard?" Inuyasha demanded.

Kagome pursed her lips (unaware of Miroku's gaze immediately fixating on those lips) and narrowed her eyes as she gazed at the youkai, who had stopped squeaking and was now simply staring at them, as though contemplating its next move. After awhile, she blushed a little and stated awkwardly, "It's in…um…its…lower end. I think it must have…er…ate it. Or something. It's…uh…being digested."

Inuyasha's expression was incredulous. "You're joking."

She sniffed and shrugged. "Don't look at me! I didn't stick it there! I just find the things, is all."

Miroku smiled charmingly. "Well, perhaps if we wait for a little while, nature will call and…it will work itself out? Besides, it really does seem harmless. It's more interested in eating the forest than in eating us."

And indeed, the youkai had once again taken up with gnawing at the uppermost branches of the trees, having apparently decided that the three little people buzzing around its feet weren't worth bothering with any more than a trio of gigantic gnats.

Inuyasha, however, didn't agree. "There ain't no way I'm diggin' through a pile of rodent shit looking for a damned shard!" he snapped. "I say we skin the thing and be done with it!"

"But, Inuyasha…" Kagome tried out her best puppy-eyed expression, regarding the hanyou with a long face and quivering lower lip. "It really isn't gonna hurt anything if we wait awhile, is it? I mean…it isn't like it's going on a rampage or anything…" She added a tear or two for special effect.

Well, Inuyasha was pretty much helpless in the face of Kagome's…face. He squirmed uncomfortably and his sword lowered slightly, and Miroku watched silently as the hanyou wavered, duly awed by the power of Kagome's charms. "Well…er…what if it keeps heading toward the village?" Inuyasha muttered, looking anywhere but at her.

"I'm sure you can divert it away without hurting it too much," she replied. "Please?" And then she turned those eyes to Miroku, who choked and tried not to crumble under the weight of her poignant gaze. "You'll help him, too, won't you?" she asked with as much sweetness as she could muster.

"Er…" came the eloquent reply, and Miroku found, to his utter astonishment, that he was blushing. He coughed and added casually, "I'm sure it wouldn't do any harm to just let nature take its course, and then we can drive the youkai away from the village once it has rid itself of the shard."

Inuyasha glared at the monk, then heaved a disgusted sigh and plopped himself cross-legged under a nearby tree. "Fine," he grumbled. "You can watch the hairball, and when it does its business you can dig the shard outta its shit." And with that, he crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, a pout visible on his lips.

Kagome blinked. "Well. That was surprisingly easy," she muttered, scratching her head. Keeping an eye on the hamster-who had found a particular likeness for an old maple-she moved to sit beneath another tree and leaned back to relax. "I wish finding all the shards was this easy," she stated to nobody in particular.

"I agree," came Miroku's deep voice as he seated himself casually beside her, draping his staff across his knees. "Things would be so much more uncomplicated if the youkai would simply digest the shards naturally and…"

He was rewarded with a light smack on the arm. "That's not what I meant," she snorted, earning a smile in return.

After a few moments of silence, Miroku ventured carefully, "So…I take it that you aren't furious with me anymore…?"

Kagome, who had closed her eyes in an unusual display of trust (considering who she was sitting beside), frowned a little and opened one eye to glance at him. "That's right. I'm supposed to be mad at you," she murmured, as though just remembering. Then she sighed and shrugged. "Being mad takes up too much energy," she added, closing her eye again.

Miroku grinned a little. "I concur," he replied. "There are much better ways to use up one's energy…"

"Finish that thought and you won't be walking correctly for the rest of the month," she sniffed. "Just 'cause I decided to not hate you forever, it doesn't mean I'm gonna let you do anything to me again. I mean after all, you're a guy, and everybody knows that once guys hit puberty, their brains take early retirement and head southward to warmer climates. You obviously can't help being a letch, so I'm obviously the one who has to show the common sense and fend you off, which is what I didn't do the last time around."

Miroku raised an eyebrow and regarded her, half amused and half insulted. "Thought about this a lot, have you?" he mused dryly.

Kagome didn't deign to reply, but the frown hadn't left her lips. Miroku wanted more than anything to kiss it away, but what with Inuyasha sitting not ten feet away from him-and what with Miroku being possessed of a desire to not be flayed alive-he restrained himself valiantly. The hanyou looked to be napping, but he knew from experience that appearances could be deceiving. Best not to take any chances and raise Inuyasha's suspicions. Who knew what would happen if he ever found out about…

"You know, I told Inuyasha what happened between us last night," Kagome stated calmly, as though she was merely commenting on the weather.

Miroku choked, brought rather rudely out of his thoughts, realized what she'd just said, and promptly choked again. "You…he…what happened…what?" he stuttered out; perhaps not his most eloquent reply, but considering his entire life was currently flashing before his eyes, it was hard to concentrate on actual talking.

Kagome grinned-a wicked little smirk that turned him on in ways he didn't even begin to want to think about-and opened her eye again to regard the flustered monk. "Yup. That's why I went out last night. To admit everything to him," she continued, clearly enjoying the expression of abject terror on his face.

"Everything?" he squeaked after a moment of gaping.

"Everything," she replied, nodding solemnly, before closing her eye and proceeding to ignore him.

He stared at her, realizing for the first time just how sadistic the innocent-looking girl really could be when she put her mind to it. It was almost as awe-inspiring as her hurt puppy expression in the way it left him squirming in his robes. He cleared his throat and managed to croak, as serenely as possible, "And…just what was his reaction to your…confession?"

She smiled a little. "Well…you're still alive, aren't you?" she replied innocently. "It can't have been too bad, now could it?"

"No…unless the both of you are in cahoots to lure me into a false sense of security before striking the final blow," he muttered.

Her grin widened. "Now, Miroku. Think logically. If I was planning on helping Inuyasha to murder you, why would I actually admit anything to you?"

"Because you obviously enjoy watching me squirm," he snorted.

She pursed her lips in thought, then shrugged. "Well, that's true," she admitted smugly. "Watching you squirm is strangely satisfying…"

"You're evil," he muttered, and glared at the hamster…which had yet to move from the maple tree that was quickly being reduced to toothpicks. "And has this thing decided to take a shit yet?"

Kagome raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, not quite able to hold back a giggle. "Careful. Inuyasha's starting to rub off on you," she teased. "People will think you're related or something."

"I heard that," the hanyou growled from his perch under the tree. He opened one eye and glared at them. "And if ya gotta keep flirting, do it somewhere so I can't hear ya! It's disgusting!"

"We…are…not...FLIRTING!" Kagome bellowed, effectively startling the hanyou into jumping a foot into the air. But Inuyasha wasn't the only creature startled; the hamster also took a gigantic leap and let out a guttural squeal of surprise, before suddenly turning tail and bolting headlong into the forest…exactly in the direction of the village.

The trio sat blinking after the trail of smashed trees and vegetation, before Kagome let out a nervous little giggle. "Er…oops?" she offered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quickening: This chapter was brought to you by the letters M (as in Miroku) and L (as in Letch), and by the number 9.

Deedlit: Ooo! The alphabet game! My turn! My turn! Okay, and it's also brought to you by the letters E and H for Evil Hamsters! *giggles*

Desiree: And of course we can't forget the letters C and I, for Complete Insanity, which is what this is.

Deedlit: What, the chapter or these notes?

Desiree: You pick.

Quickening: >_< And how about the letters Y, B and F, for You're Both Fired?