InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Love Affair ❯ Guilty Conscience ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters, Rumiko Takahashi does.

Our Love Affair

Chapter 7: Guilty Conscience

By Cataluna

There was a moment of absolute silence as she watched her best friend's eyes grew to impossible size. Then her mouth fell open, and she screeched, "He kissed you?" Kagome winced as Sango's voice seemed to bounce and echo loudly throughout the room before reaching her. "Again?!"

"Shhh!" Kagome hushed when she saw that she wasn't quite done yet -- her eyes large and unblinking. She rose out of her seat and sprinted over to the bed, quickly clapping her hand over Sango's mouth to keep her shocked friend from making any more potentially damaging outbursts. At first, Sango protested by attempting to bite into her palm, but rationale quickly won her over and she quieted down when she saw the flash of panic on Kagome's deathly pale face.

Teeth gnawing nervously on her bottom lip, Kagome kept her eyes glued to the entrance while listening for the sound of approaching footsteps as worst case scenarios flashed through her mind. Please don't let them hear… The door had fortunately been closed during their discussion, but she knew better than anyone that the room wasn't exactly soundproof. Moments passed by and no one came in with questions; they remained undisturbed except for the rhythmic ticking of the clock above her dresser. Kagome slowly released the breath she had been holding and removed her hand from Sango's mouth.

Sango also sighed in relief before falling dramatically back into the collection of stuff animals her mother had arranged decoratively on her bed since the move to her current apartment. She picked up Mr. Teddy and clutched the bear to her chest, running her hand absently across its soft, auburn fur, "I felt like I'm in middle school again."

"Sorry," Kagome apologized with a sheepish grin and sat besides her, tucking one of her long legs comfortably beneath her while the other dangled and swung freely over the edge of the bed. "I guess this isn't such a good place for `girl-talk,' huh?"

Sango laughed and rolled over, supporting the side of her head with her elbow. "Nope, I thought my heart was going to explode. It felt like the FBI was about to bust in on us and arrest us for something horrible," she responded and playfully tossed Mr. Teddy at her, which Kagome finally managed to secure safely in her hands after two embarrassing fumbles.

"Ehh… you know I can't catch."

She smiled, her eyes twinkling with good humor. "I know."

"Meanie," Kagome mumbled under her breath, forcing back a smile that was threatening to reveal on her lips. Her eyes dropped downward to the bundle in her hands -- her favorite teddy bear since she was young -- as she waited patiently for a dramatized apology from Sango. She tapped the end of his nose gently with the pad of her index finger, careful not to rub off anymore of its felt or what was left of it. His face had became elongated and flat from being slept on for so many years, and one of his beady eyes was coming loose, hanging precariously off a few strands of thread-

"Kagome."

The sudden shift in Sango's tone made her glance up. Her best friend looked back at her sternly, though her eyes remained soft and gentle as she rose to a sitting position. She was one of those people who were able to quickly switch her emotion from silliness to seriousness and back in the matter of a few short seconds. "I thought…" she began quietly and with much carefulness, "I thought you wanted to talk. That's the reason why you told me to come over, isn't it?"

Her back straightened as she was reminded of the reason for Sango's visit. It was true. As soon as she was out of the building and was strapped safely inside the leather interior of her Lexus, she'd called Sango. At that moment she had thought it crucial to speak with her and would have driven straight to her home if not for dinner. Sango was, after all, the only person in the world she could talk to about this, the only one who knew of her complicating attraction for her fiancé's brother.

Kagome had also thought that words would come pouring out of her mouth once they were alone in her room. That'd proven to be more difficult than she had imagined for her indecision over whether she was more excited or upset at Inuyasha left her tongue-tied and her head spinning. The only thing she had managed to splutter out were those three little words… "he kissed me" that had prompted Sango's near-hysteria.

Nodding, she opened her mouth slightly before closing it, and swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in her throat. She heaved a sigh. She feared she would end up sounding more like a giddy school girl than a supposedly guilt-ridden woman. What have you done to me? I'm usually more sensible and reasonable than this. The more she thought about that kiss --replaying it over and over again-- the more her mind tried to justify his words and action, desperately wanting to help her forgive. But I can't, she reminded herself. Her life would be easier- everything would be easier and less complex if she stayed angry.

If.

Kagome lay down on the spot beside her, her arm thrown behind her head as she stared up at the only white surface inside her room. She grimaced inwardly at her poor childhood taste. If only she had more common sense back than and hadn't begged her mom to drench her room in pink. If only a lot of things… she mentally added to her list of regrets as she gathered her courage. "Yea, he kissed me," she quietly repeated exactly what she had told her earlier with her eyes squinted tight to shield herself, not wanting to see Sango's face fell into disappointment. She drew in a shaky breath before continuing, her voice trembling through every syllable, "An-and I kissed him back." Please please don't think I'm a horrible person. I don't know what I'll do if you think that…

Sango said nothing, not knowing how to response without sounding harsh and condemning. It was one thing for Inuyasha to kiss her, but now... She gazed down at Kagome, who was still purposefully refusing to look her in the eyes. Is she that afraid of what I think? She was Kagome, her best friend -- almost like a sister to her - and one of the sweetest people she knew. She could never think terribly of her and wanted only for her happiness. "This… this isn't the first, you've kissed him before-"

"But that was when I was too drunk to know what I was doing… and I didn't know who he was…" Kagome interrupted, her eyes grew shiny with moisture and a wistful smile tugged at her lips - one that she didn't realize was forming and also one that did not escape Sango's sharp eyes. "He was just a stranger then, trying to help me out and keep me out of trouble. I also wasn't engaged to his brother at that time." She laughed dryly as memories of that night came flowing back to her, "And boy, was I trouble. I kept coming onto him even though he was trying to be a gentleman. I was practically molesting him." Her laughter suddenly died from her throat and her expression returned to somberness of before. "But this time I did it because I wanted to… and because I needed to," her voice near inaudible during that last part, almost like she was surprised by her own confession.

"A-are you going to continue with this?"

Her response should have been a flat-out "no," but she hesitated, her lips still tingling from his kisses. She turned over on her stomach and wrapped her arms tight around a pillow, burying the side of her face on its soft contour. "I can't… I mean, no," she whispered. "I can't risk everything for one man I'm not even sure about. I mean, we've talked about this before… it may just all be a game to him, something for him to pass time."

A comforting hand touched her shoulder. "You really think that?"

"Stupid girl, is that the kind of person you think I am? Someone who has nothing better to do than steal another man's woman? A person with no conscience?"

She pressed her face harder against the pillow, muffling her already strained voice, "I-I don't know. I don't know anything anymore," she admitted flatly. Damn you, Inuyasha! You've completely messed with my mind, my life, my heart… I've never been so unsure of anything in my life.

"Kagome, you need to end this now before everyone gets hurt."

Kagome nodded solemnly in agreement. Sango was right -- of course she was -- many people would be hurt by this, especially Sesshoumaru. He deserved someone better than her, a devoted wife who could remain faithful and loyal. She had to end this now! In case she hadn't been able to get her point across clear enough, she would talk to Inuyasha tomorrow and make him understand that tonight could never happen again. Then all she had to do was stay away from him until she left for Hong Kong. Yea, it's all very simple. She would be with Sesshoumaru and he would be with his girl-of-the-week. Everything would be back to normal by the time they returned.

But her heart tightened painfully inside her chest at the very thought of staying away from Inuyasha, him being with someone else, never touching him again…

"Break off this engagement."

Her throat made a small choking sound, and she sat up at once to stare wordlessly at her friend. This certainly was unexpected.

Seeing her obvious confusion, Sango added, "You can't go into a marriage like this. What happens when two years down the line you suddenly realize you really do want to be with Inuyasha, and not him? You'll be miserable and I know that you're not the type to divorce. Then everyone will be even more hurt, especially you. Break it off now, Kagome. Break it off before it's too late. "

"But this isn't just about me," Kagome protested, her tensed shoulders hunching forward as she took Sango's words into consideration, "It's about my entire company, my family, a promise."

Sango shook her head; a deep frown marred her face. Kagome had always been selfless but this was ridiculous. "No. This is all about you. You're not just some pawn on a chest board; you can't let other people run your life."

"He could be using me to get back at his brother. I mean, he even said something close to it tonight."

She looked at her curiously. "What did he say?"

"He said you don't know how long I've waited for you to give in."

Sango shook her head. For some reasons, she didn't want to think the worst of Inuyasha anymore. Something about the look on Kagome's face, the way she had described their kiss made her think that she could really be happy with him, more than she ever could with Sesshoumaru. "Do you really believe that? Maybe you misunderstood him."

"Those were his exact words," Kagome replied flatly.

"You still need to break it off."

"I can't-"

"You have to!" Sango pointed to the empty space on her ring finger, "Look, you're not even wearing your ring. You only wear it when you see Sesshoumaru. The rest of the time it's stored away in your drawer. Now how can you marry him when you can't even wear his ring?"

"I know," Kagome admitted for the first time in a quiet tone, looking down at her hand briefly before closing it into a fist. She got up and stood beside the window, tired of arguing when Sango could see through her every attempt. "But I can't break things off without giving him an explanation or a chance. And I most certainly can't tell him it's because I can't stop thinking about his brother."

"Then say you're not ready. Say you need to get to know him better… just say something, anything!" Sango all but pleaded.

Kagome sighed in exasperation and combed her fingers through her hair, slightly tugging at the end in aggravation. If only it was that easy and if only she knew for sure that Inuyasha wasn't playing with her.

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She arrived at work especially early the following day, having spent yet another night wide-awake, her eyes staring blankly at the clock on her night table until all the numbers began to bleed into one another. It was a wonder that she had been able to function at all for the past weeks, her mind never fully resting while she went about each day in a mechanic fashion. An early beam of light shone through the windshield right when she was past the security gate, bringing dancing spots before her vision and giving her tired eyes an excuse to close.

Kagome's face twisted into a frown and she willed her eyes to remain open as she carefully pulled her car up to the main entrance, glad that she was no longer a hazard on the road. The guard sitting beside the revolving door laid down his morning paper and greeted her with the usual gruff hello. He gestured to the young man next to him - someone she hadn't seen before -- who was quite engrossed by the article he was reading. A loud cough from the guard caught his attention and he quickly stepped forward to open her door, nearly doing a double-take when he realized she wasn't just another employee.

He blushed and pushed his wire-framed glasses back into place, his gloved-hand extending outward to help her out of the car. Kagome graciously took his hand and stifled a giggle as his cheeks grew redder by the second; her other hand dragged her briefcase behind her while she planted her heels carefully on the curb. She handed him her keys and thanked them both for the service before walking inside the building, unaware of the set of eyes that lingered on her or the conversation that followed…

The old guard raised a bushy, gray brow at the boy when he continued to stare openly after Ms. Higurashi with a dumbfounded expression, the car keys dangling loosely in his hand. "Don't even think about it, boy," he warned.

He blinked and shook his head as though he was attempting to clear an illusion. "Think about what?"

"First of all she's WAY out of your league and second…" he huffed and flapped his newspaper open in one quick motion, instantly scanning for the article he was reading before, "In case you haven't heard, she's engaged to a very powerful man… Sesshoumaru Fukumori. That's one man you don't ever want to fucking mess with… you'll have to be a complete moron to do that. He'll crush you like a bug for even thinking about her."

A loud gulp worked down his throat. He sighed longingly and gave one last look at the retreating figure of his boss before getting inside her car…

Kagome turned to face the entrance while waiting for the elevator, nodding with satisfaction as the new hire cautiously maneuvered her car away from the driveway. The one before had been too reckless. He was up to his third minor mishap before Grandpa finally had to fire him. The door opened. She entered the elevator chaff and pressed the floor to her office. Sometimes she wished that her grandfather was still in charge of the company. If not for his deteriorating health, she probably would have said no to the whole deal.

Then things would have been different.

But would it? She walked out of the elevator and into the empty corridor, her eyes focusing on the delicate pattern on each marble tile. They never would have met in the first place if she hadn't been so upset about the arrangement that night, ready to use alcohol as a way to forget. Would they have known each other as more than someone who traveled in the same social circle? Other than business rivals? It was highly likely they would have remained as names spoken only by others but never by each other. But that's good, right? That's what I want right now, isn't it… for him to leave me alone so that my life can be the way it was before?

Life really is a bitch, she thought with a soft groan as she neared the door to her office, even she had trouble believing in her own argument. Then what do you really want, Kagome? For him to "bother" you? She could feel the onset of another pounding headache just from trying to answer questions she had spent the better half of the night pondering. No use thinking about it now, wait till later when he's actually here… Besides, she needed to concentrate on-

Kagome took a step back from the door, her brows knitting together in puzzlement as she stared at the desk on her left, finally noticing her secretary's absence. Ami was always there, even when she was an hour early. But today, her seat was unoccupied, and her desk was emptied of personal belongings - a witty mug she had gotten on a trip to Florida and pictures of her family. She caught her lip between her teeth in worry, wondering if she had overlooked her resignation letter. Ami had been her personal assistant since she had started working. Determined to at least find out the reason for her sudden departure, she hurriedly entered her office and froze.

A man she had never seen before stood next to her desk, waiting, his expression stern and unwavering. His height was slight, shorter than average and quite possibly stood a few inches below her. She regarded him carefully, wondering if she thought hard enough that the guards downstairs would hear her and come to her rescue. Where in the hell did he come from? He couldn't have gotten past the gate and the guards that easily. All employees were required to wear security badges. Visitors had to get passes from the front desk.

His eyes were studying her quite intently, causing her to shift uncomfortably from both his blatant inspection and his unwanted presence. Finally she broke the silence, her hands clenched to the sides as she spoke in a steady tone even though she was ready to turn around and run if needed, "I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong office."

A sound of irritation escaped from the back of his throat. He ran a stubby finger down the surface of her desk and brought it up to his face, eyes narrowing in scrutiny behind his glasses. "Ms. Higurashi, I've been waiting for you."

"And you are?"

"I am Jaken, Mr. Fukumori's most faithful employee," he replied, his wrinkled face beaming with pride.

Kagome relaxed visibly, having remembered Sesshoumaru had mentioned such a person. That would explain how he was able to get inside the building, but not why he was here.

"You're wondering why I am here?" Jaken asked as though he had read her mind.

She nodded.

"I am here on behalf of Sesshoumaru to assist you."

"Assist me?" she repeated in surprise, "I thought that's why Inuyasha is here… so he can help me."

Jaken gave a noticeable frown at the mention of his name, arousing Kagome's curiosity. She knew that Inuyasha was not a popular man among his family and there were no love lost between the two brothers. The reason for their animosity towards one another had always been vague, and she was never the type for gossip to press for more details. He seems like he would know a lot about their family history… Not wanting to look like a snoop by asking questions, she waited for him to elaborate on that emotion. To her disappointment, he did not. "I am not here to assist you in your business matters. My purpose here is to help you."

"I have my own personal assistant for that and she is very good at what she does," she answered as politely as she could, purposefully leaving out the fact that Ami might not be working here anymore.

"She is not doing a well enough job."

Her eyebrows arched. "According to whom?"

He lifted his hand to cover a dry cough, before answering, "According to Mr. Fukumori, she is expendable."

Kagome looked at him with complete disbelief as everything fell into place. "You fired her?" Who the hell does he think he is?

"Yes."

"How dare you!" she exploded, causing Jaken to jump back a little at her sudden temper. "You have absolutely no right to do that." She was seething. She had never been so mad in her whole life. How dare this man just waltzed inside her company and fired her most trusted employee without even asking her first. She would have to set aside valuable time to straighten this incident out later on.

"It was Mr. Fukumori's order. He fired her through me." His voice trembled a little and he braced one hand on the corner of her desk.

"I want you to get him on the phone. Now."

He wasted no time dialing his number, watching her carefully out of the corner of his beady eyes like she would strike at him. "Good morning, Mr. Fukumori. Sorry to disturb you, but your fiancée would like to speak with you." He handed her the phone which she all but grabbed it out of his hand, spinning around on her heels to face the window.

"Kagome."

The calmness of his voice increased her anger. He didn't even sound apologetic. "What. Is the meaning of this?"

"I thought you needed a better assistant."

"What makes you think I want that toad of a man to help me with anything," she replied darkly, ignoring the sound of shock that came from behind.

"I need someone who can answer the phone and tell me where I can reach you." He paused and inhaled deeply. "Where were you last night?"

She ignored his question. "You fired her for that reason? Because she wasn't spying on me and reporting back my every move? I thought you were above that, but you're acting like a jealous boy." She turned to glare at the man behind her. "So what is he? My prison guard?"

"As my future wife, you will pay me with more respect in front of my employee." His voice remained stable though she could sense the anger that lied beneath it and the amount of control he was exerting to keep it that way.

At this point, she could care less about Jaken's impression on their less-than relationship. Her temper-as rare as it was - was terrible. "Then maybe I shouldn't be your wife," she shot back quickly without having thought through what she was about to say. She wanted a husband, not a man who dictated her every move and going as far as sending in a guy to watch her during his absence. A voice nagged inside her mind, but are you blowing this out of proportion on purpose? Trying to get out of this mess by placing the blame on him?

Maybe... but he's still wrong, she fumed internally.

The line between them was silent for a long while as she waited for his response. She was beginning to wonder if he had hang up when he spoke again, "Do you know how many times I called you yesterday? And how long I waited for you to pick up?"

The hand that was practically strangling the phone a moment ago loosened its hold and the anger on her face softened to guilt. Kagome sat down in her chair, idly playing with a strand of hair that had fallen from her hair tie. "You… were worried?" she asked quietly. She didn't think he could get away from work long enough to worry about her.

"Yes."

"I- wh- I'm sorry." Her chin fell heavy to her chest. Oh gods, that means the phone call last night when Inuyasha and I were together was from him… "I didn't mean to worry you or anything."

Kagome heard the shuffling of paper before he replied, "Your secretary will be rehired with a raise and added bonus."

"Thank you," she answered with hesitant, not sure of what else she could say. It felt strange thanking him for something she didn't need his permission for and could have done herself. But right now, she was at the point of agreeing to almost everything to make up for what she did.

"And Jaken is to stay here and remain by your side also."

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Inuyasha drummed his fingers against the dashboard and stole another glance at his watch. 7:31 and already rush hour had begun. There were millions of cars all around him, all different size and colors, all inching slowly towards their destinations. He "keh" loudly to himself, wishing he was riding his motorcycle instead as he eyed the grassy, unblocked medium. And to think I was actually going to get there on time today. He snarled and gritted his teeth as the driver beside him blared his horn loudly and continuously, each honk driving a bigger wedge inside his head.

He rolled down his window and shouted, "Shut the fuck up you bitch." His eyes widened when he saw the driver, a little old lady who was making obscene gestures at him. The fuck… He was expecting a rich, obnoxious snob who could get into a fight with, not someone old enough to be his grandma. Not sure of how to react, he quietly rolled the window back up and sunk back on his seat, tuning the radio to a classical station.

He rubbed the back of his head and let out a ragged sigh, feeling a slight relief from the tension in his body now that the noise of the traffic was no longer ringing loudly in his ears. He glanced at the clock again, estimating around thirty more minutes before he reached the office…and thirty more minutes before he stomped inside that stubborn wenches' office and forced those ridiculous ideas out of that pretty, little head of hers.

"Is that all I am to you, a prize?"

He groaned and shook his head. Her eyes at that moment were incredibly bright as she waited for his response, and like always, he had ruined it by opening his big mouth. When would he accept the fact that his action really did speak louder than his words? He should have just grabbed her and kissed her until they were at an understanding. He smiled to himself and moved into the right lane as traffic began to pick up again.

A very clear understanding.

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A/N:

I want to thank everyone for their kind support and comments. I truly appreciate every one of them. You guys are a great bunch of readers, and I do feel guilty for not updating faster. Also, I'm glad you enjoyed the bit of citrus I added in there.

Of course there are still a few who don't understand that life and school take precedent over a hobby, especially since this is my last year in college. For the last time, using curse words in my reviews or sending me rude emails will not make me update faster. If you are that impatient, then read something else.

Q & A time!

Q: Who will Kagome end up with?

A: Ahh…the one everyone wants to know and one I can't answer. Well there are 3 possible endings right now. She'll end up with Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, or no one. It all depends on the mood I'm in and where this story takes me.

Q: Will the merger work if she ends up with Inuyasha instead?

A: Do you think Sesshoumaru would trust a person who had cheated on him enough to share half of his company?

Q: Did Sesshoumaru hear the conversation between them?

A: I messed up big time on that one. I forgot that knocking the phone over is the same as answering the phone. Can't have him figure everything out so early now, can we? So I changed it to pulling the line out instead.

Q: Sesshoumaru is so cold…

A: He has to be, or he'll be majorly OOC.

Q: Inuyasha is a jerk…

A: He's not a charming guy. He's rash and says the first thing that comes to his mind. Too bad Kagome can't "sit' him in this one, huh?

Q: How's college life? ^_^

A: Some people do party a lot in college but they're usually the ones who don't finish school. Language arts as in English? I tested out of one of them and the other I took during summer school. You just have to write a lot of papers.

Remember, you can sign up for me to email you when a new chapter comes out. Also you can check the status of completion in my profile. http: //cataluna281. notifylist. com/ola. Html Be sure to take the spaces out.