InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ours ❯ Kagura 2 ( Chapter 29 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: animetributes 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.13.2013 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 265 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.13.2013 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 265 | Status: Completed
"Koga will come back!" Ginta had shouted when we visited. "Koga is definitely coming back. I know he is! He's gonna be back, as lively as ever."
Then he slumped down to his knees, banging on the ground in frustration. His friend, Hakkaku, reached down like he wanted to comfort him or something, but then withdrew as if he changed his mind. As if he gave up.
I bit my lip and clenched my fists. I didn't want to to this. My pride was screaming at me, demanding that I not do this-but I drowned it out and walked over to Ginta and Hakkaku and bowed at their feet. I felt the ground shake as they stepped back in shock.
Biting my lip, I searched my brain for words, trying to convey the emotions I felt-but I couldn't. Everything I scoffed at back then...are not such a small deal to me now. Things I brushed off casually when I was too concerned with myself to worry about much else were now very easy for me to notice.
The place is so bare. That is my fault. And now, on top of that, their leader is gone-and once again, I am the bearer of bad news. I closed my eyes and bowed my head lower in order to avoid looking at the hollowness of the cave.
Pathetic, aren't I?
I can't even make myself say a couple of words I know I damn well should.
And as quickly as I bowed down, I snapped right back up to a standing position and turned to leave, not looking at their reaction. They know what I mean by that. I heard quiet footsteps behind me as Sesshomaru followed me; I wonder what he thought of that little...display.
"Why are they...?" I heard Hakkaku say from behind us. "Are they really people that know they're gonna die soon? And they still came out of their way to talk to us..."
Maybe that in itself is enough? Nothing can ever make up for what I did to them, but this is the least I could-and very well should-give of myself. That is all that I need to know that things will work out in the end-it's all a matter of giving and receiving.
Usually, when people give, they do it because whether they want to admit it or not, they are expecting to receive something later on for it. And if they don't, they have a problem with that. But you shouldn't think of receiving, especially not from the person you gave to. Because if everyone were to keep on giving, eventually, someone will end up receiving as well. And if the cycle goes on long enough, it may one day circle around back to you.
I cannot cry.
No matter how much I try to make tears come out of my eyes, I cannot. This is a weird kind of despair; it doesn't go away. It doesn't get worse. It's like my mind is constantly frozen in one mood and I can't snap out of it. Gradually, I grow less and less responsive to pain...or anything, for that matter.
In a way, I'm sort of glad about that. If I was responsive to everything the way I normally am, I would've gone insane long ago from the amount of emotional baggage. When you tune it out like this, somehow it makes things easier to deal with. Maybe peoples' minds do this naturally as a form of survival?
I think that I can understand why Kohaku and Kanna were the way they were. I wonder, if Hakudoshi had lived long enough, how would he have changed? As strong as he was physically, when it came down to it...he was really just a kid. A little boy. That was all he was. Anyone would've run away in that situation being so young, but...I wonder what he really wanted. Did he even know himself? Or maybe, like everyone does when they're young, he thought of nothing besides having fun and fulfilling his own short-term desires.
The visit to the Goshiboku tree where Inuyasha had been buried was uneventful. Sesshomaru stood there, glaring at the tree, thinking to himself, and then requested that we leave the place as soon as possible. Sango and Kohaku were buried next to each other, and after Miroku died, Mushin had buried him here as well after killing his murderer.
Sesshomaru walked up next to me and looked down at the graves, eyebrows tightening.
"Foolish boy." He commented.
I raised an eyebrow.
"He was a fool." Sesshomaru continued. "A mortal slave, leading a futile struggle against his own fate. He should've known what was best for him and made his life easier for himself."
In his eyes, I can see something similar to...anger? Frustration? I don't know. It seems like he's speaking this way to cover something up. Maybe he did want to see Kohaku break free and it bothered him to see him end up like this. If that was the case, then how did he feel about me? My situation was very similar.
Or maybe it was his way of expressing his opinion of me.
"True freedom depends on your state of mind." I declared firmly, putting my hand on my hip. "Only when you choose to submit to their ideals are you truly a slave. And Kohaku..." I gazed down at the ground. "Kohaku, if he finally learned to let go of things and stop blaming himself, then he was free, and his struggle was not futile. I know that."
Sesshomaru made a 'hmph' sound and turned his stare to the ground. After a few moments of silence, I stretched my arms up over my head and smiled, causing him to look back up in curiosity.
I laughed. I laughed as cheerfully as I could make myself sound. "As a matter of fact, everything is to certain degree, in your mind. Even this. Isn't that what we're doing now? Ensuring that we live on! We are immortal. Not even death can get rid of us! We will continue to live, even after we die! How can you get any better than that?"
I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace and felt him stiffen.
"Kagura-"
"I like you, Sesshomaru, you know that, right? You just need to loosen up. You have freedom; use it."
He's tense, but he hasn't pushed me away or anything. I take that as a good thing.
Happiness. At first it was pretend-or more like trying to force the feeling of happiness whithin me. Now there's a small bubble of real contentment forming in my chest. I had daydreamed of this moment; never exactly like this, though. But even so, I find myself treasuring it, the knowledge that my days are numbered making it that more precious.
Then he slumped down to his knees, banging on the ground in frustration. His friend, Hakkaku, reached down like he wanted to comfort him or something, but then withdrew as if he changed his mind. As if he gave up.
I bit my lip and clenched my fists. I didn't want to to this. My pride was screaming at me, demanding that I not do this-but I drowned it out and walked over to Ginta and Hakkaku and bowed at their feet. I felt the ground shake as they stepped back in shock.
Biting my lip, I searched my brain for words, trying to convey the emotions I felt-but I couldn't. Everything I scoffed at back then...are not such a small deal to me now. Things I brushed off casually when I was too concerned with myself to worry about much else were now very easy for me to notice.
The place is so bare. That is my fault. And now, on top of that, their leader is gone-and once again, I am the bearer of bad news. I closed my eyes and bowed my head lower in order to avoid looking at the hollowness of the cave.
Pathetic, aren't I?
I can't even make myself say a couple of words I know I damn well should.
And as quickly as I bowed down, I snapped right back up to a standing position and turned to leave, not looking at their reaction. They know what I mean by that. I heard quiet footsteps behind me as Sesshomaru followed me; I wonder what he thought of that little...display.
"Why are they...?" I heard Hakkaku say from behind us. "Are they really people that know they're gonna die soon? And they still came out of their way to talk to us..."
Maybe that in itself is enough? Nothing can ever make up for what I did to them, but this is the least I could-and very well should-give of myself. That is all that I need to know that things will work out in the end-it's all a matter of giving and receiving.
Usually, when people give, they do it because whether they want to admit it or not, they are expecting to receive something later on for it. And if they don't, they have a problem with that. But you shouldn't think of receiving, especially not from the person you gave to. Because if everyone were to keep on giving, eventually, someone will end up receiving as well. And if the cycle goes on long enough, it may one day circle around back to you.
I cannot cry.
No matter how much I try to make tears come out of my eyes, I cannot. This is a weird kind of despair; it doesn't go away. It doesn't get worse. It's like my mind is constantly frozen in one mood and I can't snap out of it. Gradually, I grow less and less responsive to pain...or anything, for that matter.
In a way, I'm sort of glad about that. If I was responsive to everything the way I normally am, I would've gone insane long ago from the amount of emotional baggage. When you tune it out like this, somehow it makes things easier to deal with. Maybe peoples' minds do this naturally as a form of survival?
I think that I can understand why Kohaku and Kanna were the way they were. I wonder, if Hakudoshi had lived long enough, how would he have changed? As strong as he was physically, when it came down to it...he was really just a kid. A little boy. That was all he was. Anyone would've run away in that situation being so young, but...I wonder what he really wanted. Did he even know himself? Or maybe, like everyone does when they're young, he thought of nothing besides having fun and fulfilling his own short-term desires.
The visit to the Goshiboku tree where Inuyasha had been buried was uneventful. Sesshomaru stood there, glaring at the tree, thinking to himself, and then requested that we leave the place as soon as possible. Sango and Kohaku were buried next to each other, and after Miroku died, Mushin had buried him here as well after killing his murderer.
Sesshomaru walked up next to me and looked down at the graves, eyebrows tightening.
"Foolish boy." He commented.
I raised an eyebrow.
"He was a fool." Sesshomaru continued. "A mortal slave, leading a futile struggle against his own fate. He should've known what was best for him and made his life easier for himself."
In his eyes, I can see something similar to...anger? Frustration? I don't know. It seems like he's speaking this way to cover something up. Maybe he did want to see Kohaku break free and it bothered him to see him end up like this. If that was the case, then how did he feel about me? My situation was very similar.
Or maybe it was his way of expressing his opinion of me.
"True freedom depends on your state of mind." I declared firmly, putting my hand on my hip. "Only when you choose to submit to their ideals are you truly a slave. And Kohaku..." I gazed down at the ground. "Kohaku, if he finally learned to let go of things and stop blaming himself, then he was free, and his struggle was not futile. I know that."
Sesshomaru made a 'hmph' sound and turned his stare to the ground. After a few moments of silence, I stretched my arms up over my head and smiled, causing him to look back up in curiosity.
I laughed. I laughed as cheerfully as I could make myself sound. "As a matter of fact, everything is to certain degree, in your mind. Even this. Isn't that what we're doing now? Ensuring that we live on! We are immortal. Not even death can get rid of us! We will continue to live, even after we die! How can you get any better than that?"
I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace and felt him stiffen.
"Kagura-"
"I like you, Sesshomaru, you know that, right? You just need to loosen up. You have freedom; use it."
He's tense, but he hasn't pushed me away or anything. I take that as a good thing.
Happiness. At first it was pretend-or more like trying to force the feeling of happiness whithin me. Now there's a small bubble of real contentment forming in my chest. I had daydreamed of this moment; never exactly like this, though. But even so, I find myself treasuring it, the knowledge that my days are numbered making it that more precious.