InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Overcoming the Past ❯ Memories of a Long Supressed Tradgedy ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

"…" Indicates words.

'…' Indicates thoughts.

*…* Indicates little voice in Sesshoumaru's head, his good side and conscience, I guess.

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Sesshoumaru stared out at the darkening horizon. There was no excuse about what he had done. Even if he was in heat, he couldn't explain why his instincts would want to protect or couple with a human. He had thought it once more, still finding no explanations.

'Could it be that I-' Sesshoumaru frowned. His thoughts were getting him nowhere he wanted to be.

*Could it be that you love her? That's what you were going to ask, ne? *

'No, of course not! I was just going to ask if I was getting anywhere with healing her so I could get rid of the wench.'

*Kagome… her name is a beautiful one and she wants you to use it. That was all she asked when you practically kidnapped her and took her away from her friends. Besides, it is wonderful to see her smile, isn't it? * Sesshoumaru's eyes softened at the memory of her heartwarming smile, her bright eyes, her innocence, and the way her features lit up when she was happy. Sesshoumaru nodded to himself. He did want Kagome to smile and to be happy.

'I do care about her. I care more about her happiness that my own. How strange… this feeling… what is it?' he asked himself.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Dinner's ready!" came Hana's gentle voice. Sesshoumaru looked back at her and nodded. Hana bowed politely and returned to her spot at the table with the taiyoukai of the west not far behind. He sat down and nodded to Rin, who was waving cheerfully at him. Kagome smiled at the exchange. He doesn't say anything, and yet he is so clear in his movements that words are seldom necessary.

'He is so gentle deep down. Inside that cold exterior he has built around himself, he is a very sweet person. Then again, he isn't really a person. He's a youkai, and a taiyoukai at that. We are in totally different classes.' Sesshoumaru glanced at her in a manner of greeting and she blushed. 'What is wrong with me? Why am I blushing? Could it be that I like him? No…well…maybe a little, but all I see is everything I wanted in Inuyasha only within his half brother. I wonder what he thinks of me, and what he would think of me if he knew how I saw him. I don't care. As long as I can stay here… with him.'

Sesshoumaru suppressed a grin when he saw Kagome blush. It made it even more difficult that he knew he was the one who caused it. 'Kagome will blush for no other.'

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The next day, Kagome played with Rin in the flower fields of the Western Gardens. She began to chat happily with the youngster. Sesshoumaru sat idly under a nearby tree and watched the girls laugh freely and openly. He appeared as though he was not paying any attention to the world around him, but was in fact very alert to any sight, sound, smell, and chi in the surrounding vicinity. He observed every movement that the girls made, carefully noting the carefree attitude that lit up their features.

'How easy it is for them to show their feelings, their deepest emotions… I am a demon lord and therefore cannot afford to demonstrate my weaknesses in any way. I learned that when I lost my beloved mother. Kagome smiles, and yet she is unspeakably sad. Her agony rivals that of my own, and I am beginning to wonder whether I brought her hear for her healing or my own. She has helped me more than she will ever know. She and I are so alike. I cannot bring myself to show my deepest and truest self, and she cannot either. I want to be the one to discover who she is behind all her masks and barriers. I want to know her. I have decided. I will be the first and only one to ever truly touch Kagome. I want to be the one to know her secret heart. In return, I will… I will show her my own heart, buried somewhere deep within my being. Only for her…' Sesshoumaru opened his eyes when he smelled Kagome near him and watched as she took a seat beside him. She watched Rin pick flowers happily a little ways away. She wore a smile on her face, a false and cheery smile that was meant to hide her.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I've been thinking… how long will you let me stay here with you like this? How long can this really last? Inuyasha may not care about me at all, but, over the two months I have spent with you here, I have been awaiting his arrival. I… I dread it. I don't want things to go back to how they were…" she trailed off quietly and turned to look into his golden eyes, her own eyes locking with his in a sad exchange of understanding. "I want to stay here… with you." Her last words were barely audible. Sesshoumaru stared at her blankly, devoid of even a hint of emotion. Kagome frowned angrily at his lack of response.

"Don't you care?! Have you no heart? Here I am pouring my heart and soul out to you and you don't even care enough to respond! If you don't care, then why did you save me? Why?!" she screamed at him. "If you hate me then at least say it to my face! After all, that's all you know how to do! You hate Inuyasha! You hate his mother! You hate humans! You hate hanyous! You hate the world! And me! Something must have happened to you to make you this way, but don't hate me for it! I didn't do anything to you!" Sesshoumaru winced with every sentence that came out of the enraged miko's mouth. He knew that she was partially right when she said those things, and she had very good grounds to believe them. He hadn't given her any reason to think otherwise.

* What about your promise of letting her see your true heart. In order for her to trust you fully, she has to know you. *

"I… have a past that I don't want touched. You touched it… as well as my inner self." His voice was so quiet Kagome had almost missed his whispered words. When they registered in her mind and heart, she felt like crying. She had yelled at him and blamed him for her misery while all the while, he was in agony and at the mercy of the hands of time and memories. She sighed in regret and in newfound relief.

'So he does can feel. He does have a heart… and it's somehow been used and hurt, torn to shreds like my own.' Sesshoumaru then told her a short summary of his past.

"My mother, Ayame, had long ago been mated to my father. He had always sworn to protect her and stay by her side. She trusted him as foolishly as you trusted my half brother. One day, when I was playing in the gardens, I found my mother lying lifeless in a pool of her own blood. In her delicate hand, she held a dagger. I knew instantly that my father was to blame. I had heard them fighting the night before. They always fought. I never listened though. I always ran away from it. I couldn't stand to hear my mother cry because of my father. She was always sad. I can hardly remember the way she looked when she smiled. At Mother's funeral, all of my immediate relatives came to pay their respects. My father stood in the back with a strange human woman and a young child. I did not understand the circumstances of my mother's death at the time-I was only a young pup-so I thus did not understand who the woman and baby were. When I approached Father after the burial rituals, I caught a glimpse of the child. It was a boy with silver hair, golden eyes, and fuzzy puppy ears on the top of his head. He smelled like a hanyou. It was then that I understood. I felt betrayed and unwanted, so I left. I ran away as swiftly as my small legs could carry me. It began to rain… so hard that I couldn't see what was in front of me. I don't know if that was due to the rain, my tears, the blinding rage I felt, or all of it. I went to a small cave deep in the forests. It was a place I would often go with Mother. I lit a candle and saw a small envelope on the small desk that belonged to my mother. It was addressed to me. I quickly opened it and found a short letter inside. I unfolded it slowly and began to read my mother's last thoughts:

My dearest Sesshou,

My son, please do not hate me for what I am about to do. The pain I feel is too much to bear and I feel as if everyone I love, everyone except you, has betrayed me of course. Listen… you must live. Live for me, for I cannot remain in this world any longer. Your father has betrayed us and fathered a bastard hanyou son of a human whore from a brothel. He has disowned us for them and I am sorry I cannot change anything. Please forgive me for not being with you while you read this letter. I do love you so much. Please do not let those weaklings hurt you the way they have done to me. Be strong and endure. Also, do not fear love. Even if it's a mistake to love someone and they betray you, it is a mistake worth making. If I hadn't loved your father, you might not have been born and I never would have become a mother. I would suffer all over again just to give you life and happiness, but I can't grant that wish. That human and her hanyou some are all that your father has the time and heart for. I cannot do anything to stop you from hating your father and new family now. I know that and I am sorry. Forgive me, my child. Please just do that for me… and head my words: Do not fear life and love. They are the most precious things in this world and beyond. Don't ever forget the contents of this letter, Sesshoumaru. They are my final words to you.

Love,

Your Mother… Ayame

I never forgot my mother's words to me. They are forever engrained in my heart and. I never learned to love my stepmother or brother and I never forgave my father for destroying Mother's happiness and our family. That is the true reason I look down on Inuyasha. In truth, I don't hate him. I even watch over him on every new moon. I know that he cannot help who his parents are. However, he was the one who hurt you the way his father hurt my mother. For that, I will never forgive him. Not until I see the day that you are completely healed of the wounds he has caused you." When Sesshoumaru had finished saying those things, Kagome felt her heart cry for him.

"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru. I didn't know. Please forgive me," she sadly replied, wrapping him in the tender security of her warm embrace.

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A/n: I know it was formatted kind of weird when I first typed it up, so please let me know how it ended up when you read it. Sorry I haven't updated as quick as usual. I have a lot of homework and I am even running short on time right now! Um… please leave a review to tell me how my fic is going. Compliments and criticism are both equally welcome!

Review Responses:

Inuyashaluvver: She won't, so don't worry. She wasn't even in this chapter! She will end up with some1 else.

Wolf: Ya are loved! ^_^ Feel free to send me any interesting ideas. I enjoy using ideas from reviewers.

Bloodbunny: Well, maybe not in the next two chapters-I really don't know myself yet-but pretty soon. Okay?

Youkai Yume: In this chapter, most of the confusion is dissolved ^_^. Can't have them confused forever or they'll never get together. I reviewed your fic! Did you notice? I am usually just too lazy to do that kind of thing, but I do sometimes.

Ladyofthedragons1: … right… well, I will probably put a lemon later on. It would be a first for me so it would probably suck. It might not be on ff.net, but on mm.org.

Firekitsune: Thanks for the encouragement! It's appreciated.

AKayLi: Shhhh! Don't give it away. Well, I guess it is kind of obvious cause they are both weirdos!

Saria4: I'm glad you liked the first couple chapters. The story kind of took a turn after that, ne? All the angst left. I was getting depressed writing it so I had to cheer myself up!

Caley: I don't think so. They have to undergo a major transformation from enemies to allies to companions to friends to lovers to mates, so I wanted to take my time, but I tried to speed it up in this chapter for you.

Flames: Vegeta's little sister: I wanted one when I wrote it too ^_~! He will be sat and totally bashed by Kagome for his idiotic choice!

Thanks to all who reviewed this story. Review makes me update faster. They are great encouragement, even flames. It tells me that people actually read the fiction!

Pleases R/R!!!!