InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Overwhelming Nausea ❯ The Beginning ( Chapter 4 )

Overwhelming Nausea

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Disclaimer: The hell.....? Is this really necessary?

Summary: Miroku isn't the carefree little monk everyone thought him to be...RAPE! (Sessh/Mir) Inu/Mir

Rating: R

Warnings: Rape, cutting, violence, lemon, possible OOC-ness, cursing, AU

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Chapter Four: The Beginning

Eventually Miroku had gone to sleep; not out of lack of energy, since the boy had an almost unlimited amount, but because he was simply too emotionally drained to stay conscious. Recounting his worst nightmare to probably the most important person in his life was too difficult for him. So he took a nap.

As the time slid to 12:16, Inuyasha sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was leave and get food, so he decided the best way to go order Kouga to. Of course that meant much arguing and yelling, but Miroku was worth it. He deserved a treat after that long session on the bed. The hanyou felt his heart constrict with something akin to pity. `Poor Miroku,' he thought for what seemed like the billionth time that day.

Miroku was bought back to life by the sound of a certain wolf youkai hauling a hundred and fifty pound elk into camp. He watched as Inuyasha went to help him. He remained silent even as the white-haired young man set the boxes down on the tea table and plopped himself onto the floor. "You hungry?" he asked, meeting curious dark eyes.

"A little," the dark-haired one replied as he got up and made a place for himself on the floor. They ate in general silence, neither knowing just what to say. Their minds, however, were buzzing with anxieties.

`What does he think of me now? Does he really think I'm dirty? Do I disgust him? Will he keep it all a secret?'

`He must think I'm an uncaring, selfish ass. I hope he doesn't hate me. What should I do?'

Miroku reached over for a rice ball the same time Inuyasha did. As their hands touched, the hanyou gasped and yanked his hand back. He stared at the monk in surprise.

Miroku, however, took this the wrong way. "You do think I'm dirty!" he yelled. In the blink of an eye, he'd sped to his room and slammed the door mercilessly. Inuyasha groaned, dropped his rice ball, and stomped over to Miroku's room.

"Miroku?" the whit-haired man called, knocking on the cold wooden door. "Come on, I didn't mean it that way. Give me a chance to explain myself!"

THUNK! "Go away!" the younger boy screamed, a brat-like tone in his voice.

"Fine, stay in there. Make up things so you can continue to feel sorry for yourself," Inuyasha countered angrily. Not a second after he said that, the door swung open and he felt himself yanked into the room and throw against a wall.

"HOWDAREYOU! Howdareyousaythosethingstome! YouassholeyousprickhowDAREyou!!" Inuyasha felt strong little hands beating against his upper chest and shoulders with a vengeance. It hurt, but not so much, as Miroku was starting to calm down rather quickly. Inuyasha could tell he was crying again.

The hanyou reached up and grabbed his friend's wrists, securing them tightly so he couldn't hit him anymore. "Miroku, stop," he said firmly, looking into the boy's watering eyes. But the anger soon faded, and was replaced by something much worse - panic.

"LETGOOFME!" he shrieked, yanking an arm away and punching the older boy violently across the jaw. "Don'ttouchme! Don'teverevertouchmeagain!"

"Ah, shit!" Inuyasha gasped, gingerly touching his face. When he looked up again, he spotted Miroku cowering on his bed. "Damn it, this is why I yanked away earlier! I don't think you're dirty, I just know you don't want to be touched!"

"You're lying," the dark-haired monk sniffled stubbornly, his body curled into a tight ball. "You think I'm disgusting and filthy."

Inuyasha sighed and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the mattress, but as far away from his shivering teammate as he could be. "That's not true, Miroku," he murmured, trying to make eye contact with him again. "Come here, I won't hurt you… And if I do something wrong, just slug me again."

Miroku looked up from his arms, his nose and eyes a little red. Slowly and very hesitantly, he crawled over to Inuyasha's side, where he inspected the older boy's swelling jaw. "… I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked quietly.

"I've had worse," Inuyasha shrugged. Assured that he hadn't caused seriously damage, the smaller of the two began to give his friend those same, pitiful, "I'm dirty, you know it" looks. Lance frowned at them and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Miroku's shoulders. "Look, I'm serious… I don't think you're disgusting. In fact, I think…" He froze suddenly, his insides clenching painfully at his train of thought. `Stop! I can't tell him that! It's not true!'

`Of course it's true, you idiot,' he argued with himself. `You think he's beautiful, and you know it. Just say it!'

`No! It'll be weird, and… and I don't know if I really think that or not.'

`Then I'm telling you now. YOU THINK HE'S BEAUTIFUL. What's so wrong about telling him that?'

`I'm straight!'

`And you think another boy's absolutely gorgeous. At night, when no one's around, you dream about him. Damn it, Inuyasha, you know how confused he makes you. You know it's been that way ever since he showed up. Now tell him how you feel!'

"Inuyasha..?" Miroku asked softly, peering into his friend's slightly pained face. "Are you okay..?"

"I think… I think you're beautiful, Miroku," he whispered breathlessly, not looking anywhere but the floor.

"… What?"

"I think you're beautiful… not dirty."

"Inuyasha…" Miroku gasped softly, that tingle on his cheeks returning again. "But you… you're…" He sighed as anxiety hit him and blew up any hope he had. "Boys aren't beautiful, Inuyasha. Don't be silly."

"I'm not!" the hanyou responded quickly, looking up so that hazel eyes met black. "I know… I mean… god, Miroku… you are beautiful. You have no idea how much that confuses me, and how many times I tried to ignore it. But it's true, and I think it every time I look at you. Even now…"

Miroku felt his eyes misting up again. He cursed himself for being so weepy lately. "I must look terrible," he replied half-heartedly. `I hate crying in front of people…'

"No, even now you're gorgeous. And I wish… you'd let me touch you," Inuyasha whispered, holding his arms up. "You have to trust me. I won't hurt you, I swear. I just want to make you feel better, in the only way I know how." He watched his friend swallow and look around nervously. He observed emotions flickering through those dark orbs, along with doubts and fears. "I won't do anything sexual, I promise." Slowly and frailly, the boy nodded. Inuyasha brought his arms up and locked them around that small, pale frame, and hugged his friend's body to his chest for the first time in his life.

Miroku nearly melted into the hug. It'd been so long since anyone had embraced him. It was welcomed, but strange. He didn't return it.

Inuyasha enjoyed the brief embrace while it lasted. It only went on for a few of his seconds, but to the monk it must have lasted for too long. Eventually, the smaller of the two started to squirm uncomfortably until Inuyasha let him go.

"Sorry," he apologized, casting his eyes down. "I'm not ready for…"

"Hey, it's all right," his white-haired one said, a warm smile on his mouth and eyes. "I know you're not ready to be touched. But we'll work on it, okay? We can go as slow as you want, until you feel comfortable again."

"That sounds good," Miroku sighed, looking up at his ceiling. There were so many weird feelings, so many multi-colored butterflies flapping in his stomach. "But I don't think I'm ready for a relationship either." `Especially with you.'

"Who said anything about a relationship?" Inuyasha chuckled. "I just said I'll help you get over this. We don't have to commit or anything if you don't want to. Hell, I don't even know what I am anymore. I don't understand anything that's going on inside of me. Sounds like we both need some time to sort everything out before we decide where we're going to go after this. But I do know that… I want to help you. I want to help you through these problems and help you live again."

Miroku couldn't do anything but smile. He leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes, finally beginning to relax. Inuyasha and he had reached a new point in their lives. Were the confusion, the difficulty, and the pain finally going to end? "If anyone can do it… it's you, Inuyasha."

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Meep...more fluffiness. People PLEASE review and tell me how I'm doing! I need feedback! ^_^