InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Painter of Romance ❯ Coffee Without Sugar ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: XSin

In a moment of pure fear and lost sanity, Kagome shoots an arrow at Sesshoumaru. Too bad she didn't miss completely, and she knew the consequences would be dear as she watched his once-perfect demonic hair burn.

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.16.2006 | Pages: 6 | Words: 7.8K | Visits: 733 | Status: Work In Progress

Painter of Romance
By XSin

One; Coffee without Sugar

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." -James Gordon

- - -

Frowning befuddled at the dark walls of the old well, Kagome reached for the vines draping over the rim. The aged contraption had been acting abnormally in the past few travels. The original blue bursts of magic were no more, replaced by grayish silver resembling a star-littered sky lacking a moon. It was taking more time to channel her through the two periods - likewise the first time she had been thrown across the barriers of time.

Shaking the feeling off for what felt like the billionth time in the past month, Kagome swung her leg over the rim and straightened her skirt, brushing off the dirt that had been rubbed into her clothing during her climb. She had forgotten to take off the issued white belt after school in her haste, and it hung uncomfortably around her waist as she began the short trek to Kaede's hut with her dirty yellow bag in tow.

Soon, the small human village came into her line of sight, and she smiled with greeting to the several village people she passed by, most men were working in the wide fields that provided their people with food, and she silently praised them for their devotement to their fellow village people.

With the extra time, she took to watching the sky for signs of rain. She could not help the frown that graced her features when she saw the slight of rain clouds moving towards the village from the north. It wasn't that she disliked the rain, it was just that Inuyasha was extra cranky when it came to rainy days, when they couldn't travel to look for more shards.

She hated that shard-hunting was the only thing Inuyasha seemed to care about - when he wasn't thinking of the mistaken steps he had taken in life that had led him to the present. It was like regret was the only thing that was running through that brain of his, aside from food.

Kagome unconsciously elbowed her backpack, feeling and hearing the hallow pelt of dried noodles that had broken up in their containers.

In no time she found herself pushing away the bound bamboo that acted as a door to Kaede's home with a wide smile, politely replying to every joyful greeting sent her way. Kagome scanned through the hut her shard-hunting companions were gathered in, her blue-gray eyes glinting happily in acknowledgement.

"Good afternoon, Sango, Shippou, Miroku, Kirara, Inu-," She paused for a millisecond, realizing her half-demon friend wasn't present. "Kaede."

Catching the small amount of sympathy that flashed through Sango's eyes when she smiled, Kagome understood and knew for sure where Inuyasha had gone. She wisely chose not to continue dwelling on the matter. It would just make things worse, she knew, and the last thing she wanted to do was to break a tear in front of her friends for such a small matter.

Because she was the strong one, the thick and steady stump that held the rest of the tree together. In her mind Inuyasha was always the unreachable sky that hung above, kept away by the dead theorem of gravity and forever away from her reach.

At times, she couldn't help but think herself unworthy of loving him, so high above she put him, but she was always able to suppress that thought until it didn't hurt any longer.

Without any further thoughts, Kagome seated herself next to Sango, enthusiastically opening her arms to embrace Shippou when he made move to abandon his previous seat in between Miroku and the huntress. As expected, the cub practically flew into her inviting arms, and Kagome didn't fail to notice when the pervert monk fell unconscious beside the exterminator, sporting a new wound on his head.

They all laughed. Save for Miroku.

Inuyasha chose that moment to walk in, and rather rudely, too. Kirara bristled at the slight fading scent of decay, and Shippou buried his face deep inside Kagome's chest. The bamboo drape was pushed aside roughly, and the loud clanking of it on the wood-made walls disrupted the joyous air that had once been alive.

Kaede frowned, and was opening her mouth to bring the knowledge of the poor condition her 'door' was currently in - twisted and very near broken - when Inuyasha chose to interrupt with a scowl.

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?" he spat, directing his angry glare at Kagome and ignoring the furious looks sent his way at his poor treatment of the girl.

Kagome held a scowl of her own when she heard his choice of greeting. She had just come back from a round of exams, and certainly not up for anymore rudeness on Inuyasha's part. It was bad enough he wasn't there when she first arrived, and now he was blaming her because he didn't notice her presence?

"Thanks a lot, Inuyasha, for driving away all of our happiness with your appearance," she breathed, trying the best she could to control the little tolerance and sanity she had left. "What? Had a fight with Kikyou-dearest?"

She surprised herself with that comment. She had always avoided talking of the undead priestess in front of Inuyasha.

The half-demon growled, his claws extending and his eyes flashing red.

"Why you little bitch," he said through clenched teeth, baring his sharp fangs at her, as though meaning to harm. "How dare you speak of Kikyou like that? I've had enough of your whines. It's a wonder why I haven't dispose of you already and seek Kikyou out for assistance instead."

Momentarily shocked to a pause when a pair of small hands landed upon his chest, Inuyasha found himself being pushed towards the entrance and out of the cramped hut. He felt a slight gain of his control as the human emotion reigned. "What are you-?"

He was cut short, however.

"Sit, Inuyasha. Sit, sit sit." She couldn't help the tears that traveled with a steady pace down her cheeks, and the ability to wipe them away was lost to her as she stared at Inuyasha's fallen form in a combination of sorrow and fury. She used the very last bit of her control to speak the subduing spell calmly - she wouldn't break for him to see. Her dull human nails were pressed hard into her palm, nearly breaking flesh and leaving small waned moons in its place as she clenched and unclenched over and over.

She wished and wished Inuyasha would just let it go like she wanted to.

Inuyasha had the wits to dare a moan of pain and a softly muttered 'bitch.'

Kagome screamed in frustration. "Sit. I hope you rot, Inuyasha!"

And with that the young priestess brushed past Sango, seeking to be back into the safety of the hut, and making sure to step on one of Inuyasha's clawed fingers on the way with the back of her sneakers, adding as much pressure as possible.

Kaede had left earlier, knowing it was something she should not interfere with.

Her tears burned an unforgiving wound into her heart, and it was hurting so much that she felt like she was dieing. The foolish half-demon's words sliced like hot knives through her soul, and she found that she simply could not take it anymore.

Clenching the clothing covering her left chest with her small hands, Kagome suddenly heard herself sobbed madly, slamming into anything that came in her way and accidentally stepping on Miroku's unconscious form.

Kagome ripped into the deepest corner of the hut, her forehead bowing low and her nails digging deep into the hardwood of the wall. Broken nails stabbed into the soft flesh of her fingertips, and small trails of blood stained wherever her wounds reached.

She stung. Kagome hissed and scratched harder; banging her fists against any hard surface it managed to come upon, breaking fragile flesh but never caring long enough to register it.

She forgot everything, her brain malfunctioning and her mind drawing a complete blank. She only felt pain in her heart, and the rest of the world was so numb to her and she felt so, so tiny.

The sky had turned dark, and she could hear it laughing cruelly at her, bringing her farther and farther away from the earth, from reality and friends and family and love. Impure shadows loomed menacingly around her, and then all she could hear was nothing. She felt herself reaching one last time, found herself really hoping.

And saw herself failing.

Course imagination broke through the dam she had built carefully throughout the two years of knowing about Inuyasha and Kikyou, and images and words poured into her face.

"You're nothing to me. Useless. Waste. Nothing compared to Kikyou she thought she heard Inuyasha's voice ground out with a hint of arrogance she once believed she loved.

Kagome opened her blood-shot eyes and saw.

Shippou stared petrified, and Kirara mewed sadly, willing for a share of the unimaginable large load forced upon the young girl.

Miroku remained dead to the world.

Sango returned to see an eerily quite Kagome facing the wall at a far corner. Shippou was trying the best he could to bring comfort to his mother-figure, patting her back like she had done for him so many times when he had been in distraught. Sango felt tears of her own blur her vision as she pulled the younger girl into a hug, supporting the best she could the weight of the petite girl from the future.

"Inuyasha is a fool." she stated simply, shamelessly using Kagome's strawberry-scented hair to catch her own falling tears as she buried her face into the soft strands. "He does not deserve you."

She heard her own voice crack horribly as she tried once again without success to swallow the ugly sob that escaped her beautiful lips.

Sango was truly worried when Kagome remained restless and unmoving. Her body swaying without a will of its own. The huntress squeezed harder, up to the point she was sure would hurt, but the priestess remained numb to the world.

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, a great contrast as Sango sobbed openly and terribly for her friend.

The only difference between Kagome and a corpse was the usual body heat still emanating from the girl's body, along with a heartbeat so normal it was frightening, Sango thought with another choked cry.

The exterminator barely noticed the awoken Miroku, obviously confused as to what had occurred, and not knowing what to do but watch as the huddled pair cried.

She ignored him and held on, gently stroking the younger girl's hair with one hand while using the other to rub comforting circles across her back. She held onto hope and prayed.

Sango was relatively surprised when Kagome spoke, her voice sore with tears that had yet to be shed.

"I am the fool, Sango," she whispered, lifting her head to look at the older girl, a melancholy smile worn like a mask onto her face and she let out a strangled laugh that didn't sound like Kagome at all, "I'm done with living through this god-damned relationship. I'll move on."

Taken aback by the lifelessness of the young priestess' usually joyous eyes, Sango slipped her cold fingers around Kagome's face, watching with horror as she fell into a restless sleep.

Shippou and Miroku could only watch the display and were left feeling useless as one of their best friends fell deeper into the tangled web of misery.

Inuyasha, the cause of all the chaos and unpleasantness, leapt into a tree far away from the hut the moment the subduing spell had worn off. Guilt stabbed at his heart, and the distant sounds of Kagome's sobs could be heard. He really hadn't meant to be so hard on her, but it had just sort of happened. Gaining control over his words around Kagome was becoming harder and harder. The soft and warmth he used to feel from being near her had only intensified over the two years, and now it was becoming hard to avoid the blush that always threatened to creep into place when she smiled at him.

In his mind's eye, Kikyou and Kagome's image continuously swirled in a never-ending cycle, slowly but surely driving him to the edge of sanity. His heart was evenly divided, and his brain was torn on deciding who he should choose. He had made vows that conflicted, and it seemed nearly impossible to gain a clear head while deciding which he would keep and which he would not.

He had gone looking for Kikyou earlier this day, but had barely caught a glimpse of her. She had been going to leave, and left him with only one word.

"Remember," she had said, and then had allowed the several reptile-like soul-stealers to carry her clay body away.

Inuyasha had been alone after that, thinking for the first time in a long while about the situation at hand; of what he was going to do. He knew he had to choose, and the sooner the better. Things would only be getting harder and harder from this point on, and the hurt would only intensify as time began to run, never to return.

He had been heading back when he caught a slight of Kagome's scent with his over-sensitive nose. He had dashed back to the hut at full speed, forgetting everything as he pushed the door aside. He hadn't been in control of his tongue when he opened his mouth. Words meant to hurt had come rushing out against his will, and regret laced through every thought spurting through his brain the moment he had said them.

He hadn't wanted to see the amount of pain he had vocally inflicted upon her, and was shocked when she had dealt with him in such a calm manner, in the first moments, at least. It was up until he was sat and chose not to heed her warning signs that she became truly furious.

Now, he was regretting his words and actions with every fiber of his being.

He wanted to cry, but found he couldn't. He didn't deserve it, the pleasure of shedding tears.

Inuyasha watched the death of the sun and the rise of the moon in the night with weary eyes, but hadn't dared to sleep, so frightened of the darkness was he. It was something that he had fought against fearlessly all his life, but the aching void of pain continued its threat to consume him, and he felt so weak tonight. His heart pounded without a rhythm under his ribs in an abnormally fast pace, and he knew they needed the rest he would not allow.

As dawn began its approach upon the unlit world, he listened.

Sore cries of distant locusts and ugly croaks of toads from the pond a mile away reached his ears.

He strained, wanting anything enough to distract.

Giving up had become a common thing of his life, he found.

Today... it will be different, he decided with a nonexistent confidence.

Taking a great leap off the old tree he had perched on, Inuyasha landed with a slight stumble. His feet were freezing cold and unfelt beneath his body as he began towards Kaede's hut. His body shook with a stranger emotion, and he found that he couldn't see properly as the trees above him danced menacingly. He quickened his pace.

Throwing the still unfixed door with strength he had been unsuccessfully trying to control, he winced, knowing the least bit of noise would wake the fire-cat Kirara.

He saw her mewing angrily at him, but that was all she did. He gazed remorsefully at her, because that was all he could do. Seeking forgiveness was useless, he knew, and he didn't think he was deserving of it anyways.

He stepped towards Kagome, as silent as he could, and saw the smile that she graced for the world, her lips curl upwards in a slight jeer at him. For a second, he forgot how to breathe, and he moved his own lips to frown.

The sharp guilt he received twisting at his stomach made him want to scream but he suppressed, leaving a hallow feel at the back of his throat. He managed to gulp it down painfully, letting it burn at his lungs.

Exhale, inhale, exhale... his brain had to tell him repeatedly in order to keep him live and sane.

With one last calming mantra of Exhale, inhale, and exhale, Inuyasha gathered his courage and lightly tugged on Kagome's crumpled shirt, grimacing as he realized it was still wet with tears he had caused.

The slightest of tugs did it, and he felt his own heart race like mad when she slowly opening her eyes. He was surprised when she saw him and smiled, acting as though the events of yesterday had been nothing but an unpleasant dream. For a moment, Inuyasha returned to the thought of giving up, but quickly squashed that thought down. No, this was something he had to do, he told himself not for the first time that short day.

The sun was nearing the coastline, and he knew the first sounds of the Morning Bird's Song would break out any moment. The rest of his companions might awake then, and he knew he would not be strong enough to do it when they do wake.

He knew she had been going to say 'Good morning' when she opened her mouth, so he quickly made move to silence her, a single clawed finger moving to press against her rosy lips. He failed to notice the usual blush she always held when they made contact was not present. Confusion flashed through her eyes instead; her cheeks remained pale and sticky from dried tears.

With a grace he didn't feel the half-demon motioned to the door, knowing the priestess would understand. He saw her slight nod, and dropped his hands to the level of her face, letting her grab his cold hands and pulling her up with one swift movement.

He suppressed the small shiver that ran up his spine at her touch.

Together, they stepped out into the crisp air of incoming dawn, with Kagome sending Kirara a small smile halfway through the door upon realizing the fire-cat was already awake. Kirara mewed softly in response, and laid her head down on the back of her paws, watching with slight worry as the pair disappeared from view.

Kagome shivered slightly as the cold air chipped at her body, sending miniature stabs of pain throughout her petite frame as the smooth texture of her skin cracked. She was pleasantly surprised when the warmth of Inuyasha's fire rat coat enveloped her, and she turned to grace her companion with a small smile of appreciation, in which he responded with one of his own albeit a bit hesitantly.

Inuyasha found himself envious of her pleasant beams and innocent ignorance of the world around her.

Taking a deep breath, Inuyasha spoke. "Kagome, I need to talk to you."

The young priestess smiled good-naturedly, encouraging him to speak his mind. He managed to stop fidgeting with the texture of his inner robes, and looked Kagome dead in the eyes, vaguely noticing her surprise.

"I need to talk to you," he repeated, his gaze unwavering, "about Kikyou. I've made my choice." He was graced with a strength he didn't trust.

Inuyasha watched carefully the changes of Kagome's expressions, and was shocked to the bones when her eyes flickered, becoming unfocused and distant. Still, tears began to gather at the corners of her eyes, and her mouth gave up the action of smiling, beginning to tremble as she tried not to cry.

The lack of emotion shown through her eyes frightened him, and his throat suddenly became uncomfortably dry.

"I-I..." he stuttered, voice trembling horribly.

"Yes...?" he heard her cracked voice call out, laced with a tinge of anticipation and fear.

And then the tension became too thick for him to bear. He felt all control crashing down, and he cracked.

"I've made a vow, Kagome. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry," he splurted out, his voice terrified but oddly steady.

Inuyasha watched in horror as tears descended like a slow rain from her eyes. Kagome buried her face behind her palms as she sobbed, and he wasn't thinking when he pulled her into an embrace. It dimly registered in his brain that it would only cause her more pain, but he couldn't will himself to let go as an unfamiliar wetness traveled down his cheeks to drop into her hair. She didn't move except for to weep as he held her, running his claws gently through her hair and whispering a million apologies in her ears.

They stayed like that until Inuyasha felt Kagome's restlessness. He sat down, pulling the girl with him and leant against the tree they had been speaking under. The sun had broken through the horizon and the morning rays lazily caressed the occupants of the earth. When he was sure she had fallen asleep, he closed his own eyes, unknowingly falling into a deep sleep of his own.

- - -

Kagome leapt into the well, not remembering to feel surprised as silver light brought her back to her own time in the span of a mere three seconds.

The process of climbing out had not been a remembered one, and she barely registered herself seating herself at the dining table of her real home, sipping a cup of instant-coffee despite the obvious fact that she needed sleep badly. The clock struck six in the morning, but no one else was awake yet in the small shrine house.

Kagome smiled at the irony of it all. She knew she could get over Inuyasha and live on. No longer was he held so high up in her standards. It had been Inuyasha that had missed his chance of being with her, and she was not going to mourn about it.

She had forgotten to add sugar to the mug of dark liquid in her daze, but found that she rather liked the bitter taste. It suited her just perfectly, after all.