InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Palm of Your Hand ❯ When You Give Your Heart ( Chapter 12 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, not me. I'm just having fun and making no money doing it.

When You Give Your Heart

As much as Kagome wanted to fall back asleep in his arms, she knew it wasn't a good idea to make her sleep schedule even more erratic than it already was. Not to mention she was absolutely starving.

"I'm hungry."

She let out a squeak as InuYasha flipped her over onto her back in the blink of an eye, hovering over her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Of course, he knew she was talking about food, but he couldn't pass up this opportunity to tease her. "Me too." he said huskily as he lifted her knee, sliding his hand up the back of her thigh.

"You know what I meant!" she giggled, slapping his arm away playfully. She couldn't help but notice that despite his teasing, he was, in fact, already halfway to hard-on number three. "Are you aware that you are very...blessed?" she said pointedly, nodding down towards the topic of interest.

InuYasha chuckled. "Actually... yes. I am aware." he said somewhat cockily.

"So is it like... a youkai thing?" she asked.

"Nope." he said grinning proudly. "Just me."

"Hmm...you are just a poster child for hybrid vigor, aren't you?" she said chuckling.

InuYasha barked out a laugh. "I don't remember you being so funny before."

"Well, whether I was or not you wouldn't have noticed. You had no sense of humor back then." she teased.

"Hey! I wasn't so bad!" he said, feigning offense.

"Well, in your defense, I guess laughing isn't very comfortable when you've got a stick up your ass."

"Keh! I'm gonna stick something up your ass here in a minute!" he mock-threatened, his eyes shifting as he belatedly realized the unintentional innuendo.

Kagome recoiled with a gasp. "No you are not!" she said, giggling as she slapped his shoulder.

InuYasha collapsed onto his side as he burst into another fit of laughter.

"Don't you ever think before you speak?" Kagome asked him.

"You know I never have been one to think before I speak." InuYasha said.

She shook her head. "That is certainly true." she said as their laughter tapered off. She wiggled her way back to him, snuggling into his chest.

InuYasha sighed contentedly. "If you would have known half the dirty thoughts I had about you back then, you would have sat me into oblivion."

"If I'd have known you had dirty thoughts about me back then I would have fucked you into oblivion." Kagome retorted brazenly.

InuYasha raised his eyebrows. "Oh really…" he drawled. "Well, it just so happens I'm having dirty thoughts about you right now…" he said suggestively, pulling her tighter against his chest. "What are you gonna do about that?"

"Can't you have dirty thoughts about me after we eat?" she whined.

"You can't blame a guy for trying." InuYasha grinned. "Get up." he said abruptly, slapping her thigh. "I'll fix us something to eat."

He gave her a chaste kiss before sliding off the bed and exiting the room, Kagome's full view of his sinfully perfect body making her feel slightly self conscious. She redressed herself in the borrowed sweatpants, and went to the bathroom to relieve her bladder, at which point the realization that they hadn't used any form of birth control happened to dawn on her.

Once back in the living room, she found InuYasha had also returned to his pants, and was already in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge.

"Hey, umm...InuYasha…" he turned to her when she addressed him, slightly alarmed by the trepidation in her voice. "I was just thinking...I wonder if it's okay that we didn't, you know...use a condom or anything." she asked him nervously.

"Oh," he waved her off. "yeah it's fine, you aren't near your fertile cycle right now." he said casually, as if he were talking about the weather.

"Fertile cycle…" Kagome blushed, blinking slowly. "How can you tell?"

"Your scent." he said tapping his nose.

"Oh…" she somehow managed to blush even brighter. As she bent down to retrieve her shirt from the living room floor another realization dawned on her. She let out a little gasp. "So does that mean you could smell it when...when I was…"

"Do you really have to ask?" he said. "You know I can smell blood for miles."

"Oh yeah…" She raised a hand to her burning face. "I'm so glad I didn't put two and two together back then... I would have died from embarrassment." she said, while trying not to die of embarrassment right then.

"Thanks for destroying my underwear, by the way." she said facetiously as she pulled the t-shirt over her head.

"You're welcome." he shot back. "Those things were askin' for it."

Kagome laughed. "It just figures I'd be wearing the most embarrassing pair of underwear I own when I finally got to…" she cut herself off abruptly.

"Finally got to what?" he asked, flashing her a toothy grin.

"Nothing." She waved her hand and giggled nervously.

"You're shy all of the sudden?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, so I guess...I guess I've just...thought about this...a lot." she admitted.

InuYasha smiled. "So you've been dreaming about me..." he said, making his way towards her. "And what was it like in your dreams?"

"Well, I was never wearing monkey panties, for one thing." They both laughed.

"Yeah, me neither." InuYasha joked as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing his face into her hair and taking in their combined scents. "But I'm having a hard time remembering the dreams now..." he murmured against her ear, suddenly turning very serious.

She snuggled into him, savoring the comfort of his warm skin.

"When the well closed…" He paused for several seconds, squeezing her tightly to him. "and I couldn't feel you...and I couldn't smell you, or see you, or talk to you… I didn't want to fucking live anymore…"

Kagome turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his waist, nuzzling her head against his shoulder.

Several seconds later he continued. "After a few years passed, and the well still didn't open, I thought about just ending it… maybe just jumping off a fucking cliff during the new moon or something like that. The only thing that kept me going was the chance, however small it was, that I could see you again. That if I lived long enough I could see you... and you'd want to be with me. I dreamed that you'd want me like I wanted you… Everyone thought I'd get over you, but I never did. After a while they all stopped talking about you, at least in front of me anyway. They wouldn't even say your name...but then again, neither would I… I lived for the rare moments when I'd overhear someone else speak your name, just to remind me that you were real, and I wasn't going crazy. Things eventually got better, of course, and I found other reasons to live, but the weight of losing you never really lifted. I still dreamed of you. I still felt your loss as sharply as I ever had...and just when I'd almost given up hope completely, there you were. I almost couldn't believe that you were real...that you are real." He clutched desperately to her as if to reassure himself. "More real than you've ever been, and I can touch you...and I can smell you and I can hear your voice… and I can dream about you without waking up heartbroken..." He was feeling something unfamiliar. A hard lump, burning at the base of his throat. 'Shit. Am I crying?' he thought as he blinked and felt the first hot tear blaze down his face. He raised a hand to his cheek and wiped away the moisture, rubbing it between his fingers. 'Sure enough…how embarrassing...' he thought as he squeezed her tighter as he sucked in an involuntary sniffle. 'I am turning into a big fucking pathetic puddle of wuss...'

'Is he crying?' Kagome thought, almost in disbelief. She soothingly rubbed her hands over his bare back. She almost couldn't believe he was opening up to her like this. She felt privileged, as she doubted that he ever opened up to anyone in this way.

"When you didn't come for me I was sure you were dead." Kagome said softly. "I thought the well was the only way to get back to you and I tried it every day. But...eventually I convinced myself that I was just young and stupid. That a fifteen-year-old couldn't possibly know what love is…" she hesitated at her unintentional confession. "I...I tried to convince myself that it was all some deluded fantasy conjured up in the mind of a teenage girl... and I ran away. I ran away because I couldn't stand to look at the tree, or the well, or even my own damn bedroom anymore. The memories of you were etched into everything at the shrine and I couldn't deal with it anymore, so I ran..."

"I'm so sorry that I didn't come find you." InuYasha said as he pulled back to look into her eyes. "I know now that it was a mistake, but I promise you I thought I was doing what was best for you at the time. I just love you so much, Kagome… I just wanted you to be happy even if it wasn't with me."

Kagome was trying valiantly not to cry. She had seen what her face looked like when she cried and she found it very ugly and embarrassing, and she didn't want to ruin this moment. It was no use, though. The tears were forcing their way out, but before she had the chance to feel self conscious, his lips were enveloping hers. Kissing her with as much passion and desperation as she had ever felt in her life. Their bodies pressed together tightly, their hands twisting in each others hair. After their lips finally separated they continued to hold each other close.

"InuYasha…" she pulled her head back to look him in the eyes. She felt like she should tell him she loved him, but that was precisely the reason she couldn't bring herself to say it. It would feel forced and hollow, like an echo. A knee jerk reaction to his confession. It wouldn't be nearly enough and she refused to cheapen this moment. She wanted to say so much more, but what were the words that described how she felt? She wasn't sure if there were any. Of course she loved him, but she also loved her mother, and Ru, and her brother. This wasn't the same. This was so much more than that. To her, her feelings were crystal clear, but the proper words never came.

She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. Pouring her heart into him. Sending her feelings into him without words.

"You're turning me into a big wuss, Kagome." he said when they broke for air. Brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"This, coming from a man who uses toothpaste with a picture of 'Hello Kitty' on it." she giggled.

"Oi! I told you I…"

"...have a sensitive palate." she interrupted. "Yeah, yeah. I know, tough guy." she teased.

Kagome noticed InuYasha's ears swivel backwards. "What is it?" she asked. Assuming his enhanced hearing had picked up something her's had not.

"My damn phone vibrating." he answered. He almost always kept it on vibrate unless he was sleeping. He had no problem hearing it, and his canine ears could barely tolerate the incredibly annoying sound of the ringtone.

"Oh. Crap." She cringed in realization and slapped her hands to her cheeks. "I forgot to tell Ru I was coming here and my phone is still on silent from work."

"That's probably him then." InuYasha said. He kissed her forehead before letting her go and grabbing his phone from the kitchen counter. He couldn't bring himself to be annoyed with the interruption, as he was grateful that Kagome had had someone to look out for her all these years. He owed Ru for that.

"Is Kagome with you?" The message read. He responded with a simple 'yes'.

"Who is it?" Kagome asked.

"Tweedle-dum." InuYasha answered flatly. "I told him you're here."

Kagome nodded and chuckled. "I'm sure he thought I was in a ditch somewhere by now." she said as she dug her phone from her purse. Sure enough she had two missed calls and three texts. "Where are you?", "Are you ok?", "Please call and let me know you're ok." She felt bad about making him worry. She had been at InuYasha's almost nine hours. She was surprised he hadn't come looking for her.

*Bzzzt*

InuYasha's phone vibrated again.

"You stickin' it to her?"

He rolled his eyes at Ru's juvenile antics, despite stifling the slight urge to laugh. Apparently Ru hadn't been all that worried if he was already making jokes.

"Bite me." InuYasha typed.

Send.

*Bzzzt*

"That's a yes if I ever heard one."

"What is he saying?" Kagome asked.

"Just bein' Ru." he responded.

"Oh, don't tell me then. It's probably embarrassing."

He held up the phone for her to read the messages.

Her eyes scanned the screen. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Although I'm sure we haven't heard the last of it..." she said.

"We'll never hear the last of anything when it comes to him." he said as he retrieved a bag of rice from the cabinet and scooped some out into a bowl to rinse. "Do you still like fish?" he asked as he removed a large fillet of sockeye salmon from the fridge.

"Of course." she said, picking up and inspecting the fish. "Although I never buy anything this good for myself because I'm poor. I always get the farm-raised stuff." she said.

"It's bad for the environment, you know." InuYasha said.

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "Bad for the environment?" she repeated dryly.

"Yeah, the fish farms pollute the ocean. At least that's what I've heard." he shrugged.

"Uhh...O-kay…" she drawled, peering at him over the shrink wrapped package. "Well... that doesn't change the fact that I can't afford it."

InuYasha chuckled.

"You even shop at the 'rich person' supermarket." Kagome said as she read the label. "This cost more than I spend on food in a week." she exaggerated.

"Really? Kinda seemed like a small amount to me." InuYasha said.

"Then you really should get more familiar with the yen to dollar exchange rate." she teased. "It's almost three thousand yen."

InuYasha shrugged. "Business trip. The company pays for everything."

"Don't you have daily allowances though?" she asked.

"Other employees do. I don't." he said casually.

"Ah, good old fashioned nepotism." Kagome joked.

"Hey, I earn it putting up with his ass." he said. "Besides, I don't usually travel for work. I'm pretty sure the only reason Sess put me on this job was for an excuse to check up on Ru."

"I thought you two were friends now." she said.

"We are, but he's still the worst."

Kagome chuckled at his candor.

"Do you like wine?" he asked, pulling a bottle of wine out of a shallow drawer in the center of the refrigerator.

"Yes!" Clear excitement was written across her face as she reached out towards the bottle, making grabbing motions with her fingers. "You can't go to as many boring-ass art shows as I have without acquiring a taste for wine." she laughed. "Just don't tell me how much you paid for it..."

"Yeah...you do not want to know…" InuYasha smirked. He retrieved a glass from the cabinet before turning in the screw and pulling out the cork with a thunk. He poured a glass and Kagome took an enthusiastic sip.

"Mmm…"

"Good?"

"Yes. Very good. Aren't you going to drink any?" she asked him, furrowing her brow.

He shook his head in the negative. "Can't stand the stuff." he said as he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer, popping the cap off with the claw of his thumb.

"Hey! Didn't you think maybe I'd rather have beer?" she asked, feigning indignation.

He took a sip, releasing the bottle from the suction of his lips with a pop before matter-of-factly answering. "Nope."

They looked at each other several seconds. "Well, you're right. I wouldn't." she finally responded.

They both chuckled.

<<>>

They made small talk as they ate their dinner, both carefully avoiding any emotionally heavy subjects so as to enjoy their meal.

"Kagome...can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Kagome sat her glass on the table and turned to him. They had finished their meal, and InuYasha could tell she was slightly buzzed and figured now was as good a time as any to ask what he wanted to ask.

"Why haven't you asked me about Miroku and Sango?"

There was a long pause. Kagome lifted her glass, swirling the dark liquid before taking another sip. She was clearly thinking over her answer. "I'll ask them in person, when I see them." she said matter-of-factly.

He didn't expect that. "But they're dead, Kagome." he said slowly.

"Do you think I don't know that, InuYasha? I know." she snapped. "It's just...if I know the details...then it will be real. I won't be able to think of them living happily just on the other side of the well anymore. I'll only be able to think of them as dead..."

"But don't you at least want to know about their lives? Wouldn't it feel good for you to talk about them?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, maybe...I guess...but I don't want to talk about it right now." she said, brushing him off.

Not right now. He had noticed that she used that same excuse for avoiding every serious conversation. He was starting to think that all these years of living in denial might have caused her to have serious coping issues. He couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for it, but he really wasn't sure if it was something he himself could fix. If he didn't know he would get his head bitten off, he might suggest she talk to a therapist. Maybe he could get Ru to suggest it. 'She'd probably listen to him before she'd listen to me…'

He let out a long breath. "Okay," he conceded. "We won't talk about that right now."

She smiled. "Thank you. I'd really like to go home and get some clothes if I'm going to stay here tonight."

"You ain't gonna be wearing any clothes tonight, wench."

She punched his shoulder playfully and let out a little giggle. "I think I'll be the judge of that."

"Well suit yourself, but you go home smelling like that…you really won't ever hear the end of it."

She hadn't even thought about that. "Oh...right... I changed my mind." she said.

InuYasha chuckled. "Good." he said, nuzzling against her neck as he pulled her onto his lap. "We have a lot of lost time to make up for. We don't have time for clothes."

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Big long-ass author's note:

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A few things:

1. Maybe one day in the future I'll be less emotionally constipated and I'll be able to get this chapter to my liking. Until then, this is the best I can do. At this point I'm just tired of looking at it and I don't want to stall the story. I apologize. I hate it when people make excuses for sub-par work and here I am doing it. I hate myself.

2. I re-read the story and found a few typos here and there. I fixed them on Ao3 and FFnet, but decided just to leave them on Mediaminer. As much as it bugs me to have typos, MM is just too much of a damn hassle to fix.

3. In case you're wondering (or getting bored of all this fluffiness), the drama is about to increase sharply.

4. As always, thank you all for reading and reviewing. I'm not sure I deserve all the compliments, but it sure feels good.

Sincerely,

StoatsandWeasels

P.S. I didn't realize that my Mediaminer account wasn't set to allow anonymous reviews. That has since been rectified. Just FYI. (Not that I'm insinuating you were all lining up to comment or anything.) But if you wanted to comment, to say you like my story, or to say my story blows, or to say 'go fuck yourself', etc., you can now do so freely and anonymously.