InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Paradigm Shift ❯ Wants ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Paradigm Shift

Chapter Four: Wants

The unlikely group, sans one fuzzy-eared bad temper, made their way toward the village in silence. Once they were within sight of it, Kouga told them that he would meet back up with them before they left again. At Kagome's inquisitive look, he told them that he wanted to talk to the others of his tribe that had come there with him, and inform them of his new plans to travel with Kagome and the rest.

To her immense relief, it looked at though Miroku and Sango had made short work of checking on the welfare of the villagers. The excitement of the day had her feeling pretty worn down already, though, by the look of the sun the evening coolness was still a few hours away; meaning nightfall and sleep would be even further.

An armful of kitsune and the tickle of Kirara's fur on her ankles later, and Kagome was smiling again; the stress of the day seeming lighter for now.

With the people of the village seen to, bumps bandaged and spirits calmed, All of them set out again in a haze of awkwardness. Miroku had taken the new additions to their group in stride, and Sango didn't ask many questions. Kagome knew that the other woman would talk with her later about it, though. Whenever they found shelter with a place to bathe for the night.

They traveled until the light began to wane and Kagome could barely keep her eyes open. Completely bellying the distant attitude that Kouga had projected since his and Kagome's initial conversation with Sesshomaru- he was the first to notice her exhaustion and demand that they stop for the night.

With Inuyasha still missing from their company, there were no protests.

They walked a short distance more, until Sesshomaru told them that he could hear the distinctive airflow of a large cave and running water nearby. He led them to a small crevice in a rockface that was mostly hidden by underbrush and branches. It was a tall, jagged, and narrow entrance, and the floor of the cave was rather treacherous with fist-sized rocks littered about it. The ground soon leveled out and the entrance widened, though. The first cavern that it opened into was moderately sized around, and domed high above their heads. There were a few off-shoots that Kouga, Sesshomaru, and Kirara inspected for a while to check for any dangers before they settled in to rest for the night.

Though the path from the cavern to the entrance was utterly straight, barely any light seeped into the area from the opening. Kagome knew that soon, they would be cast in total darkness here. She smiled to herself as she thought of the surprise she had brought with her from home in case they stopped somewhere like this. It had been a gift from her mother when last she had gone through to the other side of the well.

Sesshomaru has left Ah-Un at the cave entrance. He was quite obviously not going to fit through the small space to come in with them, so he was charged with guarding the temporary abode.

Everyone settled in their own way. Kagome passed around a small stash of bed sheets that she had crammed into the bottom of her bag. They were thin, but would provide either a barrier between skin and stone, or skin and air. Whichever each person decided to use them for.

Sesshomaru and Kouga refused her offers, but the rest gladly accepted the sheets and thanked her. She missed her sleeping bag.

Over the years, she had done her best to limit what she brought to the past with her. The weight of what she had brought with her as supplies up until a few months ago had become both a hindrance and a cause of pain for her. Her back and shoulders ached just remembering it.

Rin and Shippou made quite the adorable picture, snuggled together and sharing their sheets as they chatted softly about their separate experiences traveling with their typical company.

Kagome tugged off her shoes and sighed in relief at the feeling. She tucked then against the wall by her pack and dug out a sizeable bottle of shampoo/bodywash. It was probably the biggest thing that she had with her, minus the surprise she had brought for everyone. It just wasn't in her to do without her hygiene though. She also pulled out a detergent bar that she could wash her clothing with, wrapped in layers of brown paper. It was another gift from her mother, who had found the laundry bars by chance during a shopping trip. Her first thought had been of her daughter, of course. The second had been the thought of the many replacement uniforms that she had needed to buy Kagome over the years.

Sango smiled widely at the appearance of the bottle and stood to join her. They shared smiles, and Kagome approached Sesshomaru.

"Uhm."

He turned to give her his attention from where he sat with his legs stretched out before him on the ground.

"I was hoping-" She tucked her hair behind her ears. "I was wondering if it would be alright for us to take Rin to bathe?"

He peered behind her at the slayer, and then nodded his consent; motioning Rin to join them. The girl dropped to her knees by his hip and he rested his hand on her hair.

"Would you like to join the women to clean yourself, Rin?" She nodded eagerly and he tilted his head in acquiescence. Rin bounded up and over to Sango, grasping her hand as they made their way to one of the passages in the cavern wall.

"You said the stream was this way, Kouga?" Sango asked, pointing at one of the mouths.

"Yeah. It's not far. It's pretty cold though. Smells like it comes down fresh from high in the mountain."

Sango nodded and the two kept walking, eager to divest themselves of the layer of dirt and grime that covered their skin. As she pivoted to join them, Kagome felt a firm grip on her ankle. She looked back and Sesshomaru had leaned over, stretching his arm across his chest to halt her. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing, but he spoke before she could.

"She stays with you in the water, Miko."

Kagome nodded and he released her.

"Wow, Kouga wasn't exaggerating even a little." Sango winced as she dipped a hand in the shallow water.

"Well. We'll be quick then." Kagome told her with a smile. "What I wouldn't give for a hot spring right now though. My legs are so sore."

"Oh, I completely understand, Kagome." Sango watched as her friend reached her hand out to Rin and the girl came to her side.

"We should wash our clothes first." She told Sango and Rin. "You can borrow my spare nightshirt, Rin." Kagome held up a soft pink shirt to her small frame. "Well, it'll be a touch short, but it'll do." They traded smiles. "At least you can use the sheet I gave you to keep your legs covered. I'm sure it's big enough to totally wrap around you, you little thing."

Rin stifled a giggle in her palms as Kagome reached out and tickled her sides.

"Thank you, Lady Kagome!"

The title gave Kagome pause for a second and she told Rin that she didn't have to use it. The woman gave a soft snort and the girl replied with an energetic, "Okay, Lady Kagome!"

She stood as the other two removed their clothing, and placed her clean underwear, comfy shorts, and two worn shirts on a dry ledge. Sango's white underdress joined them. She wore it as a barrier between her slayer outfit and outer clothing, but it was fairly comfortable to sleep in and would have to do since they were going about bathing quickly. Their clothes wouldn't have time to dry enough to put back on, tonight.

They made short work of washing and rinsing their garments, and even short work of washing themselves. Kagome let out a gasp as her thighs hit the water, and ran her hands over the back of them. There were a few scratches on the backs of each of her thighs, and the skin was slightly welted with irritation. Being slid from that saddle must have caused more friction than she had initially thought, and she vowed to rethink her choice of clothing to bring to the past with her from now on. Rin was never more than half an arm's length from her side. Hair and important parts were washed and they all stepped out of the water shivering.

Sango leaned close to Kagome as they made their way back to the group and whispered a hasty, "We'll talk as soon as we can get some time alone." Kagome nodded and smiled at her.

The men of the group all looked toward them as they entered the cavern. Sango gave Kagome a significant glance when they all noticed that Inuyasha had rejoined them, and was sulking a bit apart from the others, arms in his sleeves before his chest. He didn't look at them once.

She didn't try to go to him this time. Instead, she placed the bar by her shoes to dry, and placed the bottle back in her bag, drawing out a tube of ointment for her abused thighs, with only a brief look of annoyance directed at Shessomaru. His eyes were closed and his head rested against the wall behind him. She didn't know if he was asleep or not, but he definitely didn't catch the cross look that he was the recipient of. Kagome debated on whether to be irritated at that or relieved. She settled somewhere in the middle. She was still rather wary of the powerful inu-youkai. Their interactions today confused her more than they put her at ease in his company. Too many hostile memories, maybe.

She also pulled out a plastic dome, about the size of one half of a basketball. It had little cutouts of stars, and suns, and various phases of the moon on its surface. She cleared her throat and walked to the center of the room, placing it on the ground and flipping a switch to make the batteries bring it to life.

The cavern was filled with slow swirls of blue light as the black plastic dome circled the bulb inside, encased in white plastic. The designs bounced about the cave walls and she looked at each face as they watched the designs glow and fill the space with a dim light. It wasn't much, but there was just enough light coming from it to illuminate them so that they could see each other as they would under a bright moon.

They all looked mesmerized. Especially the children. Kirara pounced around the place, trying to pin down one of the little suns as it traversed the walls.

"This is beautiful, Kagome." Miroku's soft voice said. He was looking right at her, and she made sure her things were pressed firmly together where she was in a squat before the projector. His eyes didn't leave hers until they closed and he leaned against the wall again.

She could see the questioning looks from Sesshomaru and Kouga, but didn't much feel like addressing whatever concerns that they might have about her contraption right now. She stood with her tube of ointment in hand and walked back over to her own little spot in the cave.

Sitting tenderly on her spread-out blue cotton sheet and bending her knees, she tried to rub the ointment into the soreness on her skin, but couldn't seem to get it coated completely. Tube in hand, she looked at sango, but the other woman was already asleep.

Her gaze traveled to each member of the group in turn, thinking of asking for help. Poor Rin and Shippou were already snuggled into the crook of Sango's knees and their eyes were drooping closed as she watched. Miroku was totally out of the question. She definitely didn't need to give him the opportunity or the permission to cop a feel. The same could be said of Kouga. Inuyasha was out. Sesshomaru was so far from being an option that she shook her head frantically as she looked at him. She thought better of the idea and just put the ointment back in her bag and settled in for some rest. The lights really were beautiful. She glanced at Miroku again and smiled. Sometimes… sometimes his compliments were really sweet. When they weren't horrifyingly suggestive, anyway.

The dim, spinning light threw his face in and out of shadow, highlighting his handsome face, and she couldn't help but smile at the sight. As calm and collected as he tried to appear in the waking hours, it was contrasted in his sleep when real calmness stole over his features.

She yawned and rested her head on her arm as she drifted off to sleep herself.

It seemed like no time had passed at all when Kagome stirred from slumber.

There was a pressure that was insistently making itself known to her, and she wanted nothing to do with it. As much as she tried to ignore her bladder, she knew it wouldn't make it go away.

She groaned as she sat up. The stone was not the most comfortable place to sleep. A small flashlight was retrieved and she hoped that her bare feet didn't make too much noise in the acoustic space as she made her way down a passage to relieve her bladder.

Finished, and rinsed as well as possible with a fast dripping trickle of water from the ceiling of the passage she had gone down, Kagome longed for the comfort of toilet paper and indoor plumbing.

Once she made her way back, Kouga was standing, back leaned against the wall of the same passage, only steps inside and away from everyone else.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" She asked.

"The light. Those lights are pretty handy, you know. Would you tell me how you made them if I asked really nicely?" He stepped away from the wall with a sly look and took a few steps toward her.

She smiled and shook her head at him, arms behind her back and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"We should get back to sleep, Kouga. I'm sure morning isn't too far off."

"Actually, I was hoping to talk to you for a minute."

She glanced behind her and wrinkled her nose.

"Okay, but not here. Gross. Let's go down by the stream."

He nodded and they made their way toward the water and the now mostly dry clothing that they women had laid out on dry stones.

It didn't take Kagome long to regret her decision, though. She had already been almost unbearable cold, and the air by the water had dropped in temperature significantly. She shivered.

"What did you need to talk about?" Her head turned to him.

Her face scrunched up in distaste at the sight of his darkened expression.

"And what's with the angry face, huh?" Sleep had put his treatment of her yesterday out of her mind, but seeing the expression painted on his face woke her enough to feel the offense at it again. "Did I do something to annoy you, or what?" She huffed at him.

He worked the muscles in his jaw a few times before pacing in front of her.

"No." A pause and a glance at her. "Yes. No. Kagome." He took in a deep breath and shook his head to clear the muddled thoughts.

"Kouga.."

"I wanted to apologize."

"Oh."

"I don't want you to think that I was being callous to you, Kagome." He stepped close to her and took her free hand in both of his. They were warm.

"Weren't you though? I was pretty freaked out today and you wouldn't even look at me! And that face!"

"Kagome, I

"What did I do to deserve being pushed away like that? I'm your friend!"

He tugged her hand and caught her as she stumbled, holding her to his chest.

"It wasn't you, Kagome. I was.." He exhaled sharply and continued, "I didn't like you seeing me that way."

"Then you shouldn't have acted that way!" She pushed at his stomach, where her hands were pinned against him. He drew back, but not much.

"No. I mean… with Sesshomaru. All submissive to him like I was." She stopped pushing against him, a little shocked. 'he was embarrassed.' Then she remembered the yes he had mixed into his answer a second ago.

"Wait. So why did you say yes too? When I asked if I had upset you." His hands drifted to her hips and he pushed her back from him at arm's length and searched her face.

"Kouga? What did I do?"

"It... It wasn't really you or" He stumbled over the words. "Well. It was you." He tightened his grip on her hips and looked down into her eyes. "most of it was me being annoyed that the mutt gets away with so much that he doesn't deserve." He released her and resumed pacing, his nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger. "Not all of it though."

"I'm confused, Kouga. So you were annoyed at me because you were annoyed with Sesshomaru and Inuyasha?"

"NO!" He hissed at her. He shook his head and bent over to place his hands on his knees.

"Then what!" Her patience was wearing thin now. She was tired and confused and the stressed, faux-whispers they were trading so as not to wake anyone else were frustrating.

"I get that you were embarrassed having to defer to Sesshomaru, Kouga. I get it. I do understand though." She bent to look into his face and placed her palm on his shoulder. "You have to be, if you live in his lands, right?"

"Yeah…"

He straightened up and she followed.

"It's not just that though. It's worse because he doesn't have to be."

"Inuyasha?" He nodded at her, his eyes screwed shut.

"Especially when it's a formal conversation like we had with Sesshomaru. There are these rules … it's just expected that people act a certain way around him" Kagome rubbed small circles on his shoulder as he spoke. This is probably the most personal talk they had ever had, and she was learning more about him, personally than she ever had before. Small glimpses of who he really was under all the bluster and flirting.

"The damn dog doesn't even care about what he has. Sesshomaru just lets him act the way he wants."

"Not all the time" She replied with a half-hearted laugh. He graced her with a smile for it.

"Maybe not. He still doesn't deserve it. Or appreciate it." He turned to face her fully again, taking a step to bring them closer. Kagome's smile faltered a little as he invaded her personal space again. He did it every time he saw her, but it wasn't something she ever got used to; from anyone. She liked her bubble, thankyouverymuch.

"Or want it, from what I can see. He takes it for granted." He reached out too quickly for her to avoid his arms reaching around to rest on the small of her back and pull him flush to his chest again. He laughed nervously, standing tiptoe and bracing herself with her hands on his forearms. She was leaning away from him some, trying to put what distance she could between their chests.

"Uh. Kouga?" Another nervous laugh and she patted his arms with her hands. "Little bit close."

He ignored her and went on.

"Like you, Kagome. He doesn't deserve you." She stilled and relaxed in his arms, lowering herself back onto level feet and reaching her arms around him in a hug.

"Maybe not." She whispered.

The rumble in his chest at that reply made her jump.

All of a sudden his hands had slid from her waist and he had bent, gripping her thighs and lifting her, pressing her back to the wall. Her eyes widened like a deer in the forest and her breath caught, her hands pushing against his shoulders as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, his soft rumble spilling over into a real growl. It was soft but it was very real and it scared her a little.

"Kouga." She smacked at his shoulders with her palms and pushed at them, but he didn't budge a centimeter.

"And then he comes in, sword swinging at me like he has to rescue you from me. Like I'd actually ever hurt you!" She felt his breath on her neck, warm. His words in her mind. His hands on her thighs, just a bit too high for her to be totally comfortable… if anything about this position he had her pinned in could be comfortable. She felt vulnerable. Then she felt his lips on her collarbone.

A deep, jagged sigh spilled from her mouth and her head rested against the wall. A jolt of fire ran through her body and he growled again, short this time, before she felt another kiss on her throat under her chin.

"Kouga."

He gripped her legs tighter, and pressed her into the wall just a little more.

"Kouga. Stop."

His hands slid up her legs just a tiny bit more. Dangerously close to more intimate waters.

"Kouga! Kouga, stop!"

"I could smell you Kagome."

She felt like all of the blood in her body had rushed to her face.

"I could smell you when he pulled you down from the dragon."

"Oh." She whispered

"I can smell you now, too."

He pressed closer to her, pressing his chest to hers and drawing one of her legs around his hip.

"Kouga!" She was starting to panic a little now, as if she hadn't done enough of that yesterday.

"Put me down, Kouga!" Even she could hear the tremors in her voice.

He shuddered out a hot breath across her chest, and another lick of fire went through her body.

"I don't want to, Kagome."

"Please. Please, Kouga." She didn't want to cry again either, but she thought she was going to. Her breath hitched and her eyes crinkled as she pressed them closed as tightly as she could manage. 'not like this, oh please, not like this.'

Maybe it was her tears, or her pleas, she didn't know. His grip went slack and he lowered her to the ground to stand on her own. She darted out from between him and the wall, hand to her chest and vision blurry in her fright as she tried to catch her breath. She watched him place both forearms on the wall and lean heavily on them, panting.

"I'm sorry, Kagome. I'm sorry." His head shook back and forth and came to a stop as he laid it against the wall and slammed both fists into the rock. They made tiny cracks splinter out around his hands. "I'm so sorry. I should have never-"

Silence.

They didn't move and the only sounds that could be heard were their breaths, anything but calm; loud in the little cave with the little stream.

'Well, I'm not cold anymore.' Kagome thought absurdly.

"Kouga? It's okay. Look at me?"

"It's not! It's not okay! I could have… I almost… I wanted to" She didn't need him to clarify.

"Fuck, Kagome. I can still smell you."

"I'm seventeen Kouga. And healthy. Of course I'm going to react when a guy touches me like that. Not being able to hide it at all is pretty embarrassing though." This time it was him who laughed. Deep and slow, laced with the heaviness of the moment.

"Doesn't help me any, Kagome."

"Well… it's not really meant to." Her smile was crooked and strained, and he couldn't see it anyway. "It's just supposed to… let you know I guess. I'm not as naive as I used to be to the ways of men, you know.

He spun to face her swiftly, an intense look in his eyes. Took one step closer but no more.

"Then you've..? With? You've…"

His eyes pleaded for her to understand, and to not refuse him an answer.

She shook her head. "No, but I know enough about it. I'm a virgin, not an idiot."

His eyes widened as she blushed and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Kagome." He repeated.

"It's okay. I can't even imagine what it's like for a youkai." She gave him a hesitant smile but still wouldn't meet his eyes. "Just.. don't scare me like that again, okay? I.." Her voice wavered and her lip trembled for a moment before she gathered herself. "Just don't, okay?"

He nodded and swept his hand back toward where he suspected the morning light would be wakening their comrades soon.

As they walked, a respectable amount of space between them, he whispered, "I was jealous yesterday." And she replied, "I know."