InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Phony Digits ❯ Three Sheets to the Wind ( Chapter 19 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I have nothing.

Chapter Nineteen: Three Sheets to the Wind

Sango and Miroku returned from their date, and upon entering the apartment, found a fully human InuYasha passed out face down on the sofa, an empty, clear glass bottle lying on the floor beside him.

When Sango caught sight of him, she gasped in surprise and frantically stumbled back into Miroku's chest. "Who is that?" she whispered, grabbing hold of his shirt sleeve.

"Oh, it's just InuYasha, I forgot it's his human night tonight." Miroku said nonchalantly as he removed his coat and hung it on one of the wall mounted hooks flanking the door.

"Oh." Sango relaxed and released her hold on him before removing and hanging her own jacket, and crossing the room towards InuYasha's unconscious form.

Miroku picked up and inspected the empty bottle. He recognized it as a top-shelf bourbon his lumber supplier had given him for Christmas. He was certain it had been almost, if not completely full before InuYasha got ahold of it.

Sango approached InuYasha and knelt beside him. She was aware that all hanyou had times of vulnerability where they appeared human, but this was her first time ever actually seeing it in person. "Wow...he looks so different." she said as she pushed his jet black hair back off of his face and looped it behind his human ear. "How often does this happen?"

"Every new moon." he answered.

"He's lying so still." Sango said and Miroku watched as she pressed the back of her hand to his cheek, then held a finger under his nose.

"Don't worry, he's not dead. I've been trying to kill him since he was fourteen, and trust me, it would take a lot more than this." he joked, sitting the bottle on the coffee table and making his way towards his friend. "Just let me get him to his room."

Sango stood and backed away as Miroku took her place, kneeling on the floor beside the couch.

"InuYasha." Miroku said, slapping his cheek roughly. "InuYasha." he called a little louder, still getting no response. He rolled him over onto his back and slapped his cheek again, significantly harder. "Looks like I'm gonna have to carry him." He slipped his arms under InuYasha's shoulders and knees, lifting him from the sofa. The second he turned away from the couch, InuYasha awoke.

"No!" he said as he began to thrash. "No, no, NO!" he pushed himself away from Miroku, flopping unceremoniously onto the floor with a loud thud.

Miroku knelt down on the rug next to his friend who was now curled up in the fetal position, sobbing. "InuYasha, what's wrong with you?"

He was answered only by unintelligible drunken blubbering and he removed his phone from his pocket and began to video the scene.

"Are you recording him?" Sango asked.

"Yes. He needs to see this. It will be good for him, trust me."

She nodded. "Umm…where's your bathroom?" She didn't really need to go, but she was feeling uncomfortable about being a spectator to the scene unfolding before her, and needed an excuse to remove herself from the room.

"It's the second door on the right." Miroku answered. "I apologize for this."

"It's fine…" She pointed back over her shoulder with her thumb. "I just need to use the restroom."

Miroku nodded and Sango made her way down the hallway and into the bathroom.

In his hard partying college years, Miroku had seen every kind of drunk. There was everyone's favorite, the happy, uninhibited drunk. There was the angry drunk, who, while not entirely pleasant wasn't without their entertainment value as long as you didn't become the focus of their ire. There was also the rare, philosophical drunk who seemed to transcend the metaphysical plane and achieve enlightenment that they felt needed to be shared with anyone who would listen. And then there was the worst...

The one type of drunk that everyone avoided like the plague.

The one that made you so uncomfortable all you wanted to do was run, but you couldn't get away.

The sad, clingy, weepy, 'woe is me' drunk.

He would never have imagined that this was the type of drunk his gruff, macho, tough-talking hanyou roommate would be.

The fact that this blubbering, mucus covered mass of human flesh on his living room floor was InuYasha, and not some freshman pledge at his first frat party made the situation one hundred fold more uncomfortable.

"InuYasha, why are you crying?" he calmly asked his drunken roommate.

"I'm not crying! You're crying!" InuYasha sobbed out forcefully.

"O-kay." Miroku said with a roll of his eyes as he stopped the recording on his phone and sent the video to InuYasha's phone. "InuYasha, I'm going to take you to your room." he said as he attempted to pull him to his feet.

"Okay." InuYasha said contritely, with a sniffle for added effect.

Miroku wrapped an arm around his friend's back and hoisted him to his feet. He had always wondered why InuYasha refused to drink with him. Now he had his answer.

InuYasha staggered his way toward his room with the assistance of Miroku's shoulder. "I'm gonna die alone, Dad."

"You're not going to die alone InuYasha, and I'm not your dad."

InuYasha turned glassy eyes to his friend. Blinking slowly in an attempt to focus. "Oh, Roku...it's you." he slurred. "You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend too, brother."

"My one and only friend..."

"Okay." Miroku placated.

"...and you forgot my birthday." InuYasha added, just before emptying the contents of his stomach on his one and only friends shoulder.

Miroku stopped in his tracks and cringed as guilt and warm whiskey sank into his conscience and shirt, respectively.

He couldn't believe that he had forgotten. He'd been so caught up in pursuing Sango that it had completely slipped his mind.

"But that's okay 'cause I had a party for myself." InuYasha slurred, seeming unfazed or unaware that he had just vomited on his friend.

"Yes, I can see that, Yash. Looks like you had fun." Miroku said facetiously with a roll of his eyes.

InuYasha's head dropped down and his shoulders began to shake again. "No, I didn't. Nothin's fun anymore." he said in a pathetic whimper as he pushed away from Miroku, sinking to his knees and flopping down onto his side on the floor, curling into himself. "I shoulda just said yes to Kikyo. Nobody else is ever gonna want me." he sobbed as he grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulled it off over his head and tossed it away.

"What are you doing?"

"It's hot in here!" he cried, and his hands flew to the drawstring of his sweatpants.

"Oh no you don't!" Miroku said, kneeling down, grabbing InuYasha's hands and pulling them away from his pants. "We have company, so you need to get to your room before you take your pants off." he said as he hooked his arms under InuYasha's and dragged him to his feet.

"Oh shit! It's gonna fall! It's gonna fall, it's gonna fall!" InuYasha chanted incoherently, grabbing at the walls as he slid back down to his butt. "It's falling!"

"What is?"

"The house!"

"No, it's not." Miroku assured him as he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of Sango coming out of the bathroom. "Feel free to watch T.V., he should be asleep in a few minutes."

She nodded in acknowledgement as she continued past them into the living room.

"Hey girl!" InuYasha drunkenly called out to Sango. "I hope you're not allergic to penicillin! Pffft!" He snickered with pride at his own joke.

Miroku gave a sigh. "Get up. It's time for you to go to bed." he said, reaching for InuYasha's arms to pull him back to his feet. He had always prided himself in being a patient person, but InuYasha was certainly beginning to put that patience to the test.

"But I'm not tired, Dad...I mean Miroku." InuYasha said, slapping his roommates hands away.

"Yes, you are. Come on." Miroku grabbed InuYasha by the ankles and dragged him into his horrendously messy room, kicking the clutter aside and practically throwing the hanyou turned temporary human onto his bed.

"Did you ever eat anything, or did you just drink and entire fifth of whiskey on an empty stomach?"

"I ate...something." InuYasha moaned.

"What did you eat?"

"Thirty pickles."

"Thirty? You counted?"

"It's a educated guess."

Miroku stifled the urge to laugh. "Are you hungry?"

"No. I can take my pants off now, then?" he asked, punctuating the sentence with a loud hiccup.

Miroku sighed. "If it will help you fall asleep." he said as he turned on the box fan that he knew InuYasha couldn't fall asleep without.

"Will you help me?"

"No."

"Alright." InuYasha said dejectedly as he untied the drawstring and removed his pants, revealing that he wasn't wearing anything underneath.

"Where are your underwear?"

"I ain't got no underwears."

"Yes you do, why are you lying?"

"I'm not lying!"

Miroku stomped over to InuYasha's chest of drawers, and pulled open the small drawer that he assumed was used as an underwear drawer, only to find it empty. "What did you do with them?"

"I threw them away." InuYasha said, pointing to a small trash can in the corner of his room, filled to the brim with boxers.

"Why did you do that?" Miroku asked.

"The better question is, why not?" InuYasha slurred, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Lie down and close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because if you're not asleep in five minutes, I'm going to smother you with your pillow."

<<>>

"I'm really sorry about that." Miroku whispered after exiting InuYasha's bedroom about five minutes later and making his way into the living room where Sango waited patiently in front of the television.

She turned around to look at him over the sofa back. "How's he doing?"

"Well, as much as I don't love being thrown up on, I think he'll sober up a little faster since he got some of the liquor out of his system. He giggled and sang himself to sleep, so his spirits seemed a little higher."

She snorted. "What did he sing?"

"Katy Perry."

Sango threw her head back and laughed heartily.

"Shh!" He shushed her, pressing a finger to his lips. "You don't want to wake him up again, do you?"

She held her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

He chuckled. "I just don't want to have to listen to the chorus of 'Firework' on repeat for another five minutes."

"Is he any good?"

"No." he quickly and firmly answered, and they both chuckled quietly.

"Does he do this often?" Sango asked.

Miroku shook his head in the negative. "I've never even seen him get drunk before. It's really not like him to act like this at all. He's just been...out of sorts lately." he added.

"He just went through a breakup, right?" Sango said.

"Eh…" Miroku came around in front of the sofa where Sango sat and turned to look at her. "I don't think it's about that."

"Really? Do you think it's about..."

He shrugged, getting her unspoken implication as he began to unbutton his soiled shirt. "It's a lot of things, but I think that's a part of it. What you saw tonight. Please...just...be sure it stays between us, okay?"

Sango nodded in affirmation.

"I don't know what's happening with him. I've known him since we were kids as he's always been pretty even-keeled, emotionally anyways… Lately all he wants to do is mope and complain about how much he hates everything."

"You mean he hasn't always been like that?"

Miroku shook his head. "No, not really."

"Is he going to be okay?" Sango asked

"He'll be fine." He waved her off as he slipped his shirt from his shoulders. "I recorded him and sent the video to his phone, that should be a nice incentive for him to get his shit together." he said chuckling.

The moment his shirt slid from his shoulders, all of Sango's attention was immediately drawn to his arms, every inch of which were entirely covered in tattoos from wrist to shoulder.

The image on the right bicep was a bronze Buddha statue and a pond filled with koi and lotus flowers on the forearm. The left arm was a complete contrast to the right; covered in what appeared to be the face of an oni in swirling black clouds. It's horns, fangs and blood red face looking similar to Western depictions of satan. In a bold move, Sango stood and approached him, reaching out and running her fingers over his left arm. "Wow…"

"Ah yes, I see you are admiring the regrets of my youth." Miroku said facetiously.

Sango raised an eyebrow. "You don't like them?"

"I hate them." he answered quickly. "They don't hold the same charm at thirty-two as they did at twenty-two. I always keep them covered up. I got tired of being passed over on jobs when I knew I put in a better bid."

"So people judge you based on your appearance…?"

"Well yeah, but I can't say that I blame them. I mean, if I was having my own house built, I don't know that I wouldn't choose the guy that didn't have flowers tattooed all over his arms." he said candidly. "Real estate is a huge investment. Customers look for someone professional, and these" He lifted his forearms in front of him. "don't exactly scream professionalism. It's not the tattoos themselves that I hate, it's the hassle of having to keep them covered all the time, especially in the summer."

"Mm…" she nodded in understanding. "well, I think they're sort of sexy." she said as she wrapped her hands around his bicep. "Is it an oni?" She ran her thumbs over the tattoo in question.

"It's a hannya mask."

Her brows shot up. "A hannya mask? Why on earth would you want that?" she asked him.

"I've always loved a jealous woman." he said, winking when her eyes lifted to meet his. "But only if she's jealous over me, of course."

"Somehow I have a feeling that's not true."

Miroku chuckled. "Okay, truth is, I just saw a picture and thought it looked badass. I had no idea what it was until after the fact."

Sango snorted. "Why am I not surprised…"

"And may I ask why it is that you were drawn to the oni and not the Buddha?" he asked her, raising a brow.

"I thought it looked sort of...dangerous, I guess." she answered, pursing her lips to the side as her eyes rose to meet his.

"Is that what you like?" She let out a gasp as he abruptly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close. "A dangerous man?" he said, barely above a whisper, so close to her that she could feel his warm breath against her lips.

"No." she said, shaking her head and pulling back slightly. "What I like is a man who puts helping his friends before trying to get laid." she said with a smirk.

"Hey, I was doing no such thing." he defended. "I assure you I have nothing but the noblest of intentions."

"Whatever you say."

"So, what else do you look for in a man?"

"Someone who's willing to admit his mistakes." she said as she once again ran her hands slowly down his marked arms. "Someone who works hard." she continued as her fingers slid down into his calloused palms. "A good kisser, of course…" She gave him a coy smile as she leaned forward ever so slightly.

"Of course." he mimicked, before closing the small distance that remained between them and pressing his lips to hers.

Sango had all but forgotten that her final prediction for this date included her denying him a goodnight kiss; but it seemed that where Miroku was concerned, she couldn't even predict her own actions.

She was pleasantly surprised by the gentleness of the kiss. She had somewhat expected something more aggressive and insistent; but this kiss wasn't demanding, nor was it chaste. Not this...soft and sweet, but deep and heated and over way too soon kiss...

"Mmm…" Sango sighed as they pulled apart. "three for three."

"You had doubts?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I guess I just figured you for the type of guy who would go right for the gold, if you know what I mean."

He chuckled. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't been that type of guy in the past."

"So what's changed?"

"The girl."

Sango smiled. "You are just trying to get me into your bed, aren't you?" she teased.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Sango raised her eyebrows at him, disbelieving. "Is that so?"

"Well, no. I can't guarantee that won't dream of it."

She giggled and slapped his chest playfully. "Go put a shirt on, Casanova."

"Okay." Miroku said before releasing her from his arms, turning away and disappearing down the hallway. He returned a few minutes later wearing a fresh t-shirt. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"No thanks." She shook her head. "So...are you really thirty-two years old?" she asked him, her tone disbelieving. Clearly the question had been on her mind during his absence.

He hesitated a moment, then answered. "Yes...is that bad?"

Sango shook her head. "No, you just don't really act your age...no offense."

"None taken."

Sango pulled her phone from her purse and let out a disappointed sigh as she checked the time. "I know I said I'd stay and watch a movie, but I just remembered I have to get up bright and early tomorrow morning to help a friend move."

"Ah. The true sign of friendship." Miroku said.

"Yes. Fortunately she's only moving from her childhood bedroom, so there won't be that much stuff to carry, and not a lot of heavy furniture."

"Right." he said "It's a catch twenty-two, having friends with nice things. Everyone thinks it's fun to have a friend with a pool table, until that friend asks you to help them move."

She chuckled. "Exactly. Luckily Kagome only has her bedroom furniture."

"Well, let me know if I can be of any assistance." he offered.

"Thanks, but I think we can handle it. She's got another friend coming to help too. He's little, but he's a youkai, so he's surprisingly strong."

"Yes, I've seen, first hand, some of the things that youkai are capable of. When we were in highschool, InuYasha and I got into a fight and he put my car in the school's dumpster."

She smiled and gave a gasp that radiated amusement. "He didn't." she said, trying to contain her laughter.

"Yes. He did, and that's not even the worst thing he's ever done to me."

"I look forward to hearing more of those stories."

"Maybe we can save them for another date?" he said suggestively.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Let me give you a ride home?"

She waved him off. "No, thanks. I can handle myself."

"I don't doubt you can handle yourself, I'm just enjoying your company...and it's an awfully cold night."

Sango looked down at her bare legs and contemplated a moment before giving a little shrug and answering. "Sure, why not?"

And so, after driving her to her apartment and walking her to her door, the first of what Miroku and Sango both secretly hoped would be many dates came to a close.