InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pill Poppers Anonymous ❯ Kentucky Fried Cure ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha, but I do own this ficcy. I created it. It's mime. © -see that? That means its mine. Take it and die. ^_^

ch-san: Well, now. First off, I'd like to say I'm sorry for not updating soon enough. I know it's summer, but I'm busy like most everyone else! Plus, writer's block hasn't been kind to me. ^_~ We've all been there.

Also, I'd like to give a shout out to ssp51201. S/he's a nice, sweet, kind person and I think we could all learn something from her/him! C'mon people! Get with the program and review! ^_^ Just kidding. We all love reviews, but they're optional for a reason. Mucho luv, ssp51201! *huggles*

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"So the bathroom's back there, and…that's it! You can unpack and I'll send Doctor Inu Yasha in." Rin waved with her fingers as she slipped out of the room. Shippo's eyes followed her as she exited. He almost wanted her to stay, but soon he turned his attention back to his suitcase. It was almost half an hour until Inu Yasha did visit Shippo, giving the kitsune plenty of time to shove his things into his tiny bureau drawer. When the doctor finally arrived, he found his patient sitting quietly on his bed. Inu Yasha shut the door behind him when he entered, then immediately crossed his arms in annoyance.

"Alright buddy. Talk," he grumbled. Shippo's eyes shifted to a tile on the floor. The boy was obviously uncomfortable, but did the doctor care? Hardly.

"Talk!" Shippo directed his gaze to Inu Yasha's then screwed up his face.

"THAT BITCH! You know that evil woman who brought me in? She's not even my blood relation! She told you, yeah? You remember. Back in the waiting room, she told-no-she announced to the whole bleeding world that I was a demon. Impure. Nonhuman. Evil. Something that my "mother" bought and then tossed aside for her to have. Well let me tell you mister `fancy doctor': I hate that woman. My mum loved me! My adoptive, human mother honestly loved her demon son. And to what point and purpose?! She died! What was the point? What was the point? And why did she leave me with that-that-that…AUGH! There's not even a word to describe her, is there? You saw her. She's like the grandma from hell! It's almost as if she's the bride of Satan, but he divorced her or something. Am I making sense? Do you know someone like this? Of course you do. You have to. A doctor meets all kinds, right? Of course right. Oh, I'm Shippo, the fox demon, by the way." The eight-year-old extended his hand as a formal way of ending his spiel of word vomit. Inu Yasha blinked numerous times, completely ignoring Shippo's hand as he tried to comprehend the fact that a supposedly mute boy just tore his ear of with words. After many seconds of silence, Inu Yasha responded:

"Da~amn." Shippo smiled sheepishly and slipped his hands into his trouser pockets.

"Ah. Yeah, well…" he grinned.

"Jaysus, when you get started you don't stop, do you?" Inu Yasha exclaimed.

"No, no. Not really."

"Huh. Anyway, moving on, I'm Doctor Inu Yasha, but Inu Yasha's just fine. Call me Dr. Yasha even once and I'll yank your tail off and feed it to you. Um… So, that's it! Have fun." He turned to leave, but Shippo grabbed a bit of Inu's lab coat.

"Wait! You're supposed to psychoanalyze me and crap, aren't you?" he asked plaintively.

"Yes…and I did. When you were yacking my ears off. Now if you'll excuse me," he nodded and slid out of the door, leaving the kitsune to fend for himself. As soon as he was out the door, Inu Yasha whistled with wonder at what he'd just heard. `What's that old lady talking about? He talks just fine! I'd be happy if he'd have shut up. Hmmm… Methinks that-` he was about to finish his thought when all of a sudden, a disheveled man raced down the hall. Inu Yasha followed with his eyes, slightly confused. Suddenly, he recognized the man. Without giving it a second thought, the doctor stormed after the frantic man, yelling.

"Hoi! Hoi, Todachi! Get back here you wussy little chicken boy, or I swear, I'll chop you up and package you as the other other white meat!" When the threats didn't stop the running patient, Inu Yasha did something desperate. He tackled the man. Both doctor and patient went flying, eventually landing and skidding to a halt on the waxed tiles with a crack! Inu Yasha leapt to his feet, fearing that he had injured his patient, but when Todachi rolled over, he saw that the floor wasn't covered in blood…but egg yolk.

"TODACHI!" Inu Yasha howled as he rounded on the man. "How many times do I have to tell you?! The eggs in the cafeteria aren't going to hatch! EVER! Leave them there!" The man got to his feet nervously.

"Bu-buawk?" He asked.

"Oh, just shut up."

"Bwuak." They stared at each other for a while before-

"I've got it!" Inu Yasha exclaimed.

"Buak?"

"Yes! It's brilliant!" he stared at Todachi anxiously. "We're gonna go get lunch. Go to your room and change. I'll be waiting for you in the waiting room."

"B-buawk…"

"Well, I didn't ask you, now did I? Just do it."

"Bwuk." Todachi clucked as he strutted off. As soon as he rounded the corner, Inu Yasha leapt into the air with glee. It was the perfect plan, and hopefully it would work. All he had to do now was find Rin, but she was never that hard to find. All he had to do was follow the smell of her perfume. She always smelled like cupcakes, and with a nose like his he was able to pick her out of a crowd in nothing flat. She could be in America and he'd still find her by the smell of her. Fortunately, she wasn't in America, but, actually, just around the corner. He snuck up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and lifted her into the air, twirling them both around in the process. She squealed with shock and happiness, even though she hadn't the faintest idea as to who the rouge twirler was. When Inu Yasha put her down, she spun on her heels.

"Listen buddy, I-Doctor Inu Yasha! Oh, I didn't know it was you! Why are you in such a good mood?" She bubbled.

"Rin! Rin! Rin! I think I've found a cure for Todachi! Heh-ha! It's perfect! Oh, wait until I tell Higurashi that I cured him! Or, I will, but it's foolproof! Yes, yes, YES!" Rin smiled even wider at his blatant excitement. He wasn't even trying to hold it in. `Well, you gotta give him credit. Higurashi's been putting a lot of stress on him. The poor thing needs a pick-me-up. Now, if he really does cure Todachi this afternoon, that leaves Kimi, Kagome, the depression sufferer we recently got, that new one… Wow. That's a lot to cure in one month. I hope he can do it.' she worried.

"So d'you want me to look after your wing today?" she asked brightly.

"Would you please? Thanks a million. This won't take long," he laughed as he bounded down the hall and burst into the waiting room. Todachi was already there waiting for him. He had on a pair of slacks and a white collared shirt. If Inu Yasha didn't have him as a patient, he never would have thought that the man standing before him was crazy. Funny how something so subtle can completely change your way of looking at someone. And example would be clothes. `Or lack thereof,' Inu Yasha reminded him self, thinking about the time when Mel stole every article of clothing from each room in the building. That was a living nightmare, especially for those who accidentally wandered down the senior's hall. No one made that mistake twice. But that happened a long time ago. Now Inu Yasha was focused on the future, and his future involved curing people fast.

"So, you hungry?" He asked Todachi.

"Bu-wauk."

"Right. I'll hail a taxi," Inu Yasha sighed as they stepped outside. The day was almost dreary. It was overcast, with a light fog, but that was winter in these parts, or the beginning of it, at least. He wandered over to the curb with Todachi in toe and held out an arm. A yellow cab pulled up almost immediately. Inu Yasha held open the door, letting Todachi slide in first. When they were in and buckled up, the driver turned to look at them.

"Where to?" he grunted.

"The closest KFC," Inu Yasha prompted. The driver nodded and sped off. After two minutes and thirty-seven seconds of intense silence (Inu Yasha was watching the meter tick off…), Todachi turned and raised his chocolate-brown eyebrows at the doctor.

"You've never heard of KFC, have you Todachi?" Inu Yasha asked sweetly.

"Buck-uak," his patient replied, shaking his head.

"Good." The rest of the five-minute trip was silent. When they arrived, the two stepped out and turned to the driver.

"Wait for us. It'll just be a minute," Inu Yasha informed the man.

"Fine, but don't take all day, eh? I'm a very busy man!"

"Sure you are," the hanyou muttered as he and Todachi strode to the back of the building. The doctor searched the back wall, hoping to find a worker's entrance. He found it in no time, slipping in silently with Todachi close behind. The door clicked shut, and they were safely in. Well, almost.

"Who the heck are you?" a young, spot-ridden teenager in a KFC uniform asked. Inu Yasha cleared his throat and pulled the most important, doctor-y voice he could.

"Ahem, yes young man. I'm here to perform a highly scientific experiment. Please direct me to your freezer."

"Okay, well I-wait. You're not from the health department, are you?" the teen asked suspiciously.

"Why, no. No I'm not."

"Okay then. Follow me." The boy led them through ails of boxes to the very back of the little restaurant. There, against the farthest wall, was a huge steel door. The employee opened it, releasing a fierce wave of icy cold air. Inu Yasha shuddered as he stepped into the arctic conditions, but not before shoving Todachi in first. They both stared into the inky blackness then automatically glanced over their shoulders at the warm room behind them.

"Leave the door open, kid. This won't take long. Oh, and flick on the light." The teen grumbled, but did it anyway. Suddenly, the room filled with a pale light, revealing about a hundred dead chickens hanging from the ceiling by hooks.

"BUCK-BUCK-BWAUK!!!!!!!!" Todachi shrieked. He wailed and screamed out strangled clucks as he dashed around the small, freezing cold room. Inu Yasha merely watched him with an evil smile on his face. He hated to admit it, but he kind of enjoyed this. After Todachi had used up all of his energy, he fell to his knees. Tears stained his cheeks and froze there. `He has had enough,' Inu Yasha decided, and walked over to him. He placed a hand on the shaking man's shoulder, bent down low, and whispered into his ear: "Todachi, you are not a chicken. Chickens are fluffy, stupid lard balls that are meant for eating. You are a human being. You are not a chicken." The doctor repeated this five or six times. When he reached the seventh time, Todachi looked up at Inu Yasha with a scared, pitiful look on his face. He moved his lips dryly, as if he was unable to speak. He almost clucked, but caught himself in time to say-

"N-nout aw chickein?" He half-bwauked nervously.

"Say that again," Inu Yasha coaxed anxiously.

"Nout aw-AWUK ch-chickein."

"Again."

"Nout au chicken."

"Again!"

"Nout a chicken."

"AGAIN!"

"I AM NOT A CHICKEN!!!!!!" Todachi screamed at Inu Yasha. The hanyou froze, stock-still. `Did Todachi really say what I thought he just said?' Inu Yasha wondered. This had to be a dream. He couldn't have just cured a patient that was marked as incurable. It had to be a dream. What other explanation was there for two grown men to be standing in a KFC freezer? None. But, however unrealistic it seemed, it was true. Inu Yasha had just cured his first patient. And boy, did he let the world know, or at least all of KFC.

"I did it." he breathed at last. Todachi cocked his head uneasily.

"Did what?" he asked.

"I-I did it!" Inu Yasha said, this time with a little more confidence.

"You did it?"

"I DID IT!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!" he exclaimed. Quicker than lightning, he had Todachi in his arms, giving him a bone-crushing hug. The patient gasped and tried to push the mad half-demon away, but to no avail. Inu Yasha merely hugged him tighter.

"I finally cured you! Oh, Todachi! I can't wait to see the look on that bitch Higurashi's face! Ha-HA!"

"Um, doctor?" Todachi gasped. "If you crush me, I don't think you curing me will matter much." Inu Yasha looked at the man in his arms before dropping him like a bug-eyed mackerel.

"Oh, jeeze! You're right! God, I'm sorry. Never mind any of that. We gotta get back to NIMH!"

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"Enter," Dr. Higurashi sang to the knocking at her door. She glanced up to see just who was trotting in, and that quick glance was enough to melt her smile into an annoyed frown. There, in her office, was that ungrateful half-breed and one of his patients. Dr. Higurashi pushed some documents aside, folded her hands on her desk, and furrowed her brow.

"What do you want?" she barked. The smile on Inu Yasha's face would not be broken it seems, because even under her most agitated glare, he was still chipper.

"I've cured my first patient!" he proclaimed.

"Have you know?" Higurashi asked, raising her eyebrows in mock-surprise. "We'll just see about that. You, there. What's your name, age, and profession?"

"Well," began Todachi uncomfortably, "My name's Todachi Ichinawa. I'm 17 years old, and don't currently have a job." Dr. Higurashi stared at the boy, then turned her gaze to Inu Yasha. His chest swelled with pride at his accomplishment.

"Thank God. You didn't screw things up again," Higurashi sighed. Inu Yasha felt the air leave his lungs like he had received a punch to the gut. She sure had a way with killing one's ego.

"Dr. Higurashi, I-"

"Quiet, boy," she spat as she pulled out a release form from inside of her desk. She quickly filled it out, passed it to Todachi to sign, then signed it herself and handed it to him. "Take this to Sango in the receptionist booth. She'll give you your file, which you will need to bring back to us if there is ever the need for you to check in again. Other than that, thank you for coming here to Nice Intentions Mental Hospital. Have a nice life." Todachi bowed to her and skiddadled out of her office as fast as his legs would carry him. Inu Yasha's eyes followed him out the door, but his feet stayed put.

"Dr. Higurashi," he said, "I'll be returning to my other patients now, unless you wish to enrage-I mean- speak with me further."

"Actually, I do have a surprise for you," she smiled.

"What?" the simple question was saturated with disbelief. Was Higurashi being nice to him?

"Yes. You deserve something special for curing a patient so soon."

"Oh, well. Thank you."

"And since you're so good at your job, your surprise is Walt."

"Why, I-wait. Walt? What do you mean?"

"I'm taking Walter out of Kikyo's care and placing him in yours."

"But I can't handle a kleptomaniac right now!" he exclaimed.

"Too bad. I'll ring for Kikyo to send him over later today. Good afternoon, Dr. Yasha."

"But you can't-"

"I said, good afternoon!" she snarled. He balled up his shaking hands and shoved them into his pockets. If he strangled her now, it might go on his record. All he could do was bow curtly and storm out of her office, which he did very well. `That no-good, evil, black-hearted, daughter of Satan!' he steamed as he stomped down the halls to his wing. `How dare she shove Walt onto me! She knows what kind of pressure I'm under!' Suddenly, as he rounded the corner to his wing, a frantic nurse knocked him onto his bum. He quickly leapt to his feet, helping the nurse up in the process. When they were both standing, the nurse (which he now recognized) snatched his hand out of his pocket and began to drag him in the direction of the cafeteria.

"Rin! What are you doing?" He growled.

"Hurry, Inu Yasha! We have to get there as soon as possible!" she gibbered in a high-pitched whine.

"Get where? What's going on?"

"One of your patients just blew up the kitchen!"

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ch-san: Well, wasn't that a nice cliffy? ^_^ Ya gotta love it. PLEASE REVIEW!