InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Sengoku Jidai ❯ The Raid, Part One ( Chapter 4 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Pirates of the Caribbean. I, at several points, use references to other works such as Shrek, James Bond, and The Princess Bride. These will be followed by (Name sues.), indicating that I don't own the referenced material. If you don't like the story, I direct you to this advice from my beta reader:

O.k., this is a response to another review the author got. It flamed him, saying that "this idea was unoriginal and stupid." Now, as his friend and beta-reader, that pisses me off. And since he's my friend, if you insult him, you insult me. And I REALLY don't take insults very kindly. So, here's some advice: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DAMN STORY, THEN DON'T F-ING READ IT, YAROU!!!! READ SOMETHING ELSE!!! WE ARE NOT FORCING YOU TO READ THIS!!! YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO READ THIS FIC!!! OH, ONE MORE THING: *THIS IS A FANFIC!!!!* THIS IS SOMEONE'S IDEA OF A STORY LINE!!! SO SHUT UP, TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE-HOLE, AND USE THE DAMNED BRAIN I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.K?!?!?!?!?!

Chapter Five

EXT. PORT IMPERIAL-NIGHT

((A thick fog blankets both the town and the harbor. Only Fort Goshinboku rises above the sea of gray. The sky, however, is clear, dotted with stars. A waxing moon bathes the Fort and the fog in an eerie glow.))
ANGLE-FORT GOSHINBOKU
((Just below the stone parapets of the fort, visible briefly in the fog: The topmast of a ship, slicing silently through fog and water like a shark. From the mask flies a flag embroidered with a black Aztec skull. The Shikon no Tama has come to Port Imperial.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-KAGOME'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
((Kagome sits in her bed, reading Ranma ½. The maid is heating the bed warmer in the fire.))
Maid: It sounds to me as though you've had a right trying day, Miss Kagome.
Kagome: Well, the commodore's proposal was not entirely unexpected.
**A/N: Read: Anyone who has a quark's worth of knowledge about either Inuyasha or Pirates of the Caribbean saw it coming since the title.**
Maid: Actually, I was talking about being threatened by that dirty pirate.
((In the jailhouse, Miroku sneezes.))
Maid: However, the proposal is exciting news too. It's a smart match. If that's not to bold.
((Kagome begins to say her line, then stops.))
Kagome: Gods, do I really have to say this?
((The author appears in a blast of thunder and lightning. Because every parody has to have self-insertion, right?))
Author: Yes, Kagome, you do.
Kagome: Never!
Author: Say it!
Kagome: Never!
Author: SAY it!
Kagome: NEVER!
((The author transforms into a massive blood-stained, bat winged beast with natural weapons everywhere.))
Author: SAY IT OR YOU'LL END UP WITH KIKYO!
Kagome: GAH! Okay I'll say it, I'll say it!
((Under her breath she adds…))
Kagome: Kami, what a grouch.
Author: I HEARD THAT!
((As soon as the author-beast disappears, Kagome says her line.))
Kagome: It **gulp** is a…fine match. Kouga is what **gag** any woman should **heavy breathing** aspire to marry.
Maid: That Inuyasha fellow is fine man too.
Kagome: Tell me about it!
((She hears the author clear his throat.))
Kagome: …I mean, that is too bold.
((The maid nods apologetically.))
Maid: I'm sorry, miss. It was not my place.
((She places the bed warmer at the foot of the bed and exits. Kagome idly toys with the medallion chain. A chill wind blows through the window and snuffs out the lamp flame. The room is black.))
INT. BLACKSMITH'S FORGE-NIGHT
((Inuyasha stands at the forge, shirtless save for a leather apron. He heats an iron ingot at the furnace and pounds it flat. Suddenly, he freezes in mid-strike. He slowly walks to door and peers outside. Nothing but fog. Subconsciously, he takes a handaxe from the wall.))
FIC LIMBO
Sesshomaru: I, Sesshomaru, refuse to do this part. This entire farce is beneath my, Sesshomaru's dignity.
Author: Two things. First, decide whether you're going to refer to yourself in the first-person or the third person, and stick to it. Don't do both. Second, you'll do it unless you want to be in the audience for my next MST3K.
**A/N: While I have written MST3K's, the franchise itself is not mine.**
Sesshomaru: Bah. I've hosted those things; I can take it.
((The author produces a teenager sized cage. From inside are heard alternately screams of 'hentai!' and cries of 'WHEEEE!!'))
Author: Don't make me do this, Fluffy.
Sesshomaru: You're bluffing. And my name is NOT fluffy.
Author: Am I?
((He drops a bunch of papers into the cage.))
Author: I just gave Caitlin an Inuyasha/Miroku/Jaken lemon with your name on it. Now, do I have to open the latch, or will do your part?
((Sesshomaru might as well be Scooby-Doo.))
Sesshomaru: Please! I'll do anything, just don't let her out! I'm too young to be mauled by an insane, angry authoress!
Author: Excellent.
INT. CELL BLOCK-NIGHT
((A massive dog with a seedy, unkempt white coat stands in the hallway of the dungeon, a ring of cell keys in his mouth. The dog is named SESSHOMARU. In one cell, three PRISONERS-who look suspiciously like the pirate chorus from Pirates of Penzance-are trying to lure the dog over with various doggy delicacies-bones, a chew toy, and doggie treats.))
Prisoner #1: Come here, boy. Doggy want a nice juicy bone?
Sesshomaru: Only if it's your spine.
((Miroku sits in the adjoining cell. He massages his forehead with thumb and forefinger, trying to ward off a headache.))
Miroku: You can keep doing that forever. The dog is never going to come.
Prisoner #2: What never?
Miroku: (baritone) No, never.
Prisoner #3: What, never?
Miroku: No, never. Not in a million years.
((Gilbert and Sullivan try to sue, but cannot because they are DEAD.))
Prisoner #1: Well, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet.
EXT. FORT GOSHINBOKU-PARAPETS-NIGHT
((A noose hangs from a gallows in the fort courtyard. Commodore Kouga and Governor Higurashi walk along the far wall.))
Governor Higurashi: Has my granddaughter given you an answer yet?
Kouga: No, I'm afraid she hasn't.
Governor Higurashi: Well, she's had a trying day. Ghastly weather tonight. Old Mr. Hiten would have said it was a bad omen.
((As though to prove Old Mr. Hiten right, a cannonball crashes into the wall of the fort. Kouga tackles Governor Higurashi out of the path of a second.))
Kouga: (Stating the obvious) Cannon fire!
INT. CELL BLOCK-NIGHT
((Miroku straightens to attention when he hears the cannons.))
Miroku: I know those guns!
Prisoner #1: Just from the sound?
Prisoner #2: That's quite a feat.
Prisoner #3: I mean, how many different ways can a cannon sound?
Miroku: Uh…that's not important. What is important is that I know what ship is attacking the port. The Shikon no Tama.
((The prisoners gasp collectively.))
Prisoner #1: The Shikon no Tama? I've heard stories about that ship…it's been marauding for seven years, ruthlessly attacking merchant vessels and port towns. Never leaves any survivors.
((Miroku smile is both knowing and enigmatic.))
Miroku: Then where do the stories come from?
EXT. PORT IMPERIAL-HARBOR-NIGHT
((The Shikon no Tama is still invisible in the fog, but flashes of light can be seen with every cannon blast. She's firing on both sides now, hammering both the fort and the town.))
EXT. PORT IMPERIAL-TOWN-NIGHT
((Buildings, docks, and ships explode under the relentless onslaught. The villagers desperately run for cover. If this is not hell on earth, it is about to be. Under a flash of cannon fire, one can see the longboats slipping through the fog. Longboats manned by many ARMED PIRATES. As soon as the longboats touch shore, the pirates are swarming into the town, slaughtering and indiscriminately setting fires.))
INT. BLACKSMITH'S FORGE-NIGHT
((With calm efficiency, Inuyasha collects every bladed weapon he can carry. Slipped into his belt are three dirks and an axe. In his hands, he carries a second axe and Tetsusaiga.))
EXT. PORT IMPERIAL-TOWN-NIGHT
((Inuyasha slides back the door of the forge. A woman runs past, chased by a female pirate, whose long raven hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and wears the robes of a miko. Her name is KIKYO. Inuyasha backhands an axe into her head. Kikyo DIES. He wrenches the axe from her body as he runs past. Since he does not look back, he doesn't notice Kikyo get to her feet. The pirate-miko is joined by a male pirate, a young man with black hair, and bright blue eyes. His name is HOJOU. A third pirate bumps into him, and his left eye, which is wooden, pops out of his head and rolls through Kikyo's legs. As he starts crawling after it, Kikyo thumps him on the head, picks up his eye, and shoves it into his eye-socket backwards.))
EXT. FORT GOSHINBOKU-PARAPETS-NIGHT
((The moon is obscured by the smoke rising from town, fort, and cannons. Cannonballs continue to slam into the fort, but now the Shikon no Tama's volleys are being answered in kind. Kouga looks back at Governor Higurashi, who is curled up in a fetal position and bawling like a baby.))
Kouga: Governor, Barricade yourself in my office.
((The governor whimpers.))
Kouga: A moving target is much harder to hit then a stationary one, governor.
((Governor Higurashi leaps for his feet and runs for Kouga's office, but his way is blocked by a faceless pirate named MUSOU. Behind the faceless one, pirates are beginning to swarm over the walls of the fort. Musou reaches forward to tear off the governor's face, but Kouga's sword slices cleanly through his hand.))
Kouga: They've flanked us! Men! Swords and pistols!
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-KAGOME'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
((Kagome has finally managed to relight the lamp. She stares out the window in horror. Even from this far away, she can see the ships burning in the harbor, hear the cannon fire and the cries of pain. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices shadowy figures moving towards the mansion. Her eyes widen, and she rushes out of the room.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-FOYER-NIGHT
((As Kagome arrives on the second floor landing, there is a thundering knock on the door. The butler, who apparently has the IQ of a TURNIP walks forward to open the door.))
Kagome: DON'T!
((But her warning comes too late. The large double doors swing open, and Kikyo, flanked by a small battalion of pirates grins maliciously at the butler.))
Kikyo: Hello.
((Her gun booms, and the butler crumples to the floor. Beside her, Hojou points excitedly at the Kagome. He speaks with a stupid stutter.))
Hojou: U-up there!
((Kikyo growls.))
Kikyo: GET HER!
((The pirates surge into the mansion. Kagome suppresses a scream and run into the nearest room.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-SITTING ROOM-NIGHT
((Kagome dashes into the room and slams the door behind her. Someone grabs her from behind. She turns, to find it is the maid.))
Maid: Miss Kagome, you've got to get out of here! It's you they're after!
Kagome: I know that. But why?
Maid: You're the governor's granddaughter!
((The door shakes as someone on the other side slams against it. Kagome nods to the maid.))
Kagome: They haven't seen you yet. Hide. As soon as the coast is clear, run for the fort.
Maid: That's not much safer, Miss Kagome.
Kagome: Yes, but we're not supposed to know that.
((She shoves the maid into a dark corner. Another slam at the door. It's starting to give. Kagome ducks out a side door as the pirates burst in. Focused completely on capturing Kagome, they notice the open door, but not the maid cowering in the corner.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-KAGOME'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
((Kikyo leads the charge after Kagome, and gets a bed warmer in the face for her efforts. As she staggers back, Hojou runs in. He catches the bed warmer by the handle. He grins triumphantly…until Kagome releases the catch, causing the hot coals to spill onto his head. For good measure, some of these coals land on Kikyo and burn holes in her arm. Kagome throws the bed warmer at the rest of the pirates and makes a break for it.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-FOYER-NIGHT
((Kagome makes a break for the door. But as the pirates chase after her, Hojou TRIPS over the railing landing in front of the door. Our heroine makes a quick change of course. She ducks into the dining room and locks the doors behind her.))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-DINING ROOM-NIGHT
((Even as she latches the door, the pirates slam against the other side. It won't hold long. Kagome searches desperately for a weapon of some kind. Her gaze is drawn to right wall, where two crossed swords hang above the fireplace. She pulls a chair over next to the fireplace and tries to pull off one of the swords. No use; they are attached securely to the wall. Damn! The door begins to splinter under the pirates assault. Kagome grabs a knife from the table-a bread knife. Double damn! She looks back at the door, and sees an axe blade cut into the wood. The pirates will be through any second now. She looks left and right; there's no other way out of the room. She's trapped with no weapons, no escape, and pirates closing in on her…))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-FOYER-NIGHT
((The doors shatter open. The pirates pour into the dining room…))
INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION-DINING ROOM-NIGHT
((Kagome is nowhere in sight. Kikyo growls in frustration as Hojou checks to make sure she isn't hiding under the silverware.))
Kikyo: We know you're here, bitch. There's no use in hiding. Come out, and I promise we won't hurt you.
((Hojou starts.))
Hojou: You're not going soft on me, are you Kikyo?
Kikyo: Shut up you imbecile! I'm lying through my teeth here!
Hojou: Oh. Well that's alright then. Carry on lying.
((Kikyo whacks him, then calls out to Kagome again.))
Kikyo: We will find you, bitch. You've got something of ours, and it calls to us.
INT. DUMBWAITER-NIGHT
((Kagome is curled up in the dumbwaiter box. She peers out through a tiny crack. Kikyo's words float in from off screen.))
Kikyo: The gold calls to us!
((The medallion slips out of Kagome's nightgown. She gasps and tries to slip it back in. But at that moment, the dumbwaiter doors slide open, and Kikyo leers at her.))
Kikyo: Hello, bitch.
((Hojou tries to draw his sword, but accidentally SLITS HIS WRISTS. Kikyo groans and aims her gun at Kagome. Just as she clicks back the hammer, Kagome hits on a desperate plan of action.))
Kagome: Parley!
Kikyo: Say what?
Kagome: I invoke the right of parley! According to the Code of the Brethren, laid down by the Pirate Kings Goshinkishi and Gatenmaru, you must escort me to your captain.
((Kikyo is clearly pissed.))
Kikyo: I know the code.
Kagome: If an adversary demands parley you can do them no harm until the parley is complete.
Hojou: Sounds like she knows it pretty well herself, eh, Kikyo?
((Kikyo snarls, but lowers her gun. She snaps.))
Kikyo: Come on then, bitch. We must honor the code.
((She and Hojou grab Kagome roughly by her arm, and start dragging her off.))