InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pixie cutter ❯ FELT ( Chapter 5 )

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Felt

There are times
When all I feel
Is a mixture
Of black emotions.
A dark cocktail
Of fear, hate
Loneliness, jealousy;
A need to destroy.
All these are quietened
By a hurtful calm.
Sick and manipulative,
It makes me tense,
But soothes me
In a dangerous way,
Telling me to be scared,
Urging me to hate,
Making me feel lonely,
Then telling me
Not to worry.
But it's too late now,
I am afraid,
I've been given
All the destructive thoughts
I need to make myself hurt.
But I'm too calm
To be safe,
So calm that I'm numb
And nothing matters.
I can still see clearly,
But my logic
Makes no sense;
My black emotions
Are shadowing it.
I can no longer define
Between black and white,
Right and wrong.
There's nothing I can do,
I need to let it out,
But the numbness
Stops me;
For awhile.
Sealing everything in,
Good thoughts get trapped
With the bad,
Love turns sour
And happiness dissolves.
It must get it out,
I need to let it escape,
So I let it go,
And a soothing pain
Spreads through me,
A cold balm
For a small time,
But I only feel worse,
And need the pain
Even more.