InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pride (In the Name of Love) ❯ Chapter 22

Pride (In the Name of Love) 22 / ??
Written by Jezz-Ra
Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Het, Rape, Lemon, Violence, Language, Torture, Angst, Incest, Dark (at times). It's a massive story, folks, it's got a little bit of everything.
Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

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// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - For all you Sesshy / Inu fans out there - chill. BELIEVE ME, I've never written a fic that didn't ultimately end up in lemon territory. This one is taking longer than usual to get there, but...well, I don't want it to be about gratuitous sex. There is a plot, there are big things afoot - the romance will occur eventually. And Sesshy has some SERIOUS issues regarding such physical intimacy at the moment. Baby steps. I'll get a little more into his head...mm, about now....
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How had this disaster come about?

// Mad... I am going mad. First I find myself loving a girl...a tender, delicate, fragile, vulnerable, weak, HUMAN...girl. And then in the next breath, this...this thing...with a hanyou. My only living relative, of all beings. Have I truly lost myself so much? Do I truly crave affection or attention or even friendship so desperately that I hurl myself at the mercies of the first beings to show me kindness? ... Mad. I am...going mad. //

Sesshoumaru slowly let his head sink down on his arms, which were folded on the desk before him. He did not know how to deal with the crazed whirlwind of emotions that tore through him. Confusion was not something he had felt many times in his life. He had always been so very sure of himself. Confident. Even when something terrible occurred, even if it was drastic, his mind had cut cleanly to the bone of the matter and he had dealt with it, for good or ill.

There was no agonizing over difficult choices. His intuition was razor-sharp. He seldom made mistakes. What few he did make, he had always recovered from swiftly.

No, confusion and hesitation and being...at such a loss...these were things that were unfamiliar to Sesshoumaru. The thin, trembling crystal thread of his sanity vibrated at a painfully high pitch - he was afraid that the smallest movement would cause it to shatter into a thousand glassy shards and leave him a gibbering, drooling wreck.

What had POSSIBLY possessed him to kiss Inuyasha? His mind had had no part in the decision. His body had moved on its own accord. The hanyou had been stretched out so perfectly beneath him...his voice had been soft, his words crude but laced with grudging affection and maybe more. Sesshoumaru hadn't even realized he'd moved, given in to the primal desire to taste the hanyou's lips against his own, until Inuyasha had made a noise. That tiny noise had snapped his consciousness out of it's stupor and brought him back to reality with the force of an icy tidal wave.

But he had liked it. Oh, it had been delicious...and he couldn't place why. Sesshoumaru had his pick of lovers and prospective mates. Uncountable youkai - and more than a few hanyou and humans - would have and had killed just for the chance of offering themselves up to him. Some sought his power...some his lands, his protection...some his heart-wrenching, icy beauty. He had never spared them a glance. None of them were his equal. None of them deserved his touch. None of them had even been worthy to stand in his presence. Groveling, simpering, pathetic or foolish...there had been a reason for all of them to be rejected. His pride had kept them all away.

Sesshoumaru, for all his power and pride and beauty, for all the centuries he had walked the earth, had been a virgin before Tsetsukosei had taken him. He had never found anyone he would have considered letting touch him. He had assumed he would know the touch of whatever mate he took when the time was right - until then, he would not give in to something as foolish as his mindless libido and physical desire. In his aloof and distant, tightly controlled world, he had simply decided sex was not important. His iron control was more than sufficient to dominate and bury the hormones that raged against his will. Eventually, they were subdued and troubled him no further, freezing alongside the rest of the emotions he had thought buried in the depths of his icy soul.

How had it come to this? How could one demon rip his world asunder? How could this one, solitary beast take all that he knew and all that he had made himself and so utterly, irrevocably tear it all down? Everything Sesshoumaru knew and was seemed a feeble lie now.

All his pride, all his world, sacrificed in the name of love.

That was the heart of it, wasn't it? The cardinal sin of his Lord Father...a history he had unwittingly been doomed to repeat. His father had died in the name of love, love for his human mate and their newborn pup. And despite all his scorn, despite every thought and feeling against it all that he had ever had...when the dark beast had come to claim Rin...he had willingly given himself over for her.

The fact that his brother had come for him still had the power to surprise the taiyoukai. He had no friends - he had never allowed himself any. The way he had treated Inuyasha in the past was downright cruel at times. Sesshoumaru had never expected to see the light of day again. He had not thought he would ever again be his own creature, but would simply be tormented and tortured until there was nothing left of him. His mind and his consciousness would flicker and die...but it had all been alright, because he had spared Rin that fate. Nothing should steal the light and innocence from that bright and happy creature.

Especially not him. To love her would be to destroy her. He was a demon lord, no matter the current circumstance. The sins he had committed without regret in his life were innumerable. He was a DEMON...his soul was dark and heavy and primal. It would consume her.

And so he had let her go. Despite all he had gone through for her, despite the sacrifices he had made...when the time finally had come that he could again bring her to his side...he had given her up and forced her from him. And oh, it ached inside and his demon was screaming at being denied...his mind was screaming out that he was a fool, and his heart...oh, how it burned. But he let her go.

In the name of love.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Inuyasha frowned as he yanked open the front door of the palace. One of his advisors fluttered unhappily behind him, mumbling something about what a dreadful lack of decorum it was for the Lord to go to visitors instead of forcing them to come to him.

The simple truth of it was that Inuyasha couldn't sit still. He needed to GO somewhere, needed to DO something...ANYTHING...to get his mind off what had happened.

Sesshoumaru had kissed him. Inuyasha knew, from his startled reaction, that his brother probably hadn't meant it. It wasn't premeditated, it had just...happened. He didn't know if it was some sort of cry for attention, if it was a simple expression of lust and desire, a plea to be close to someone...

All the hanyou knew was that he had liked it a lot more than he should. The tiny noise he had been unable to bite back had broken the fragile spell, however, and Sesshoumaru had fled like a skittish kitten, his eyes unnaturally wide with shock.

// He tastes like he smells...that dry, unnameable spicy-sweet scent...//

"Lord Inuyasha."

Inuyasha was startled back to full attention. From the dark, less than warm look on his guest's face, he had the sneaking suspicion that he had been greeted more than once.

"Yeah, what are you doing here? We've got like ten different treaties, Lord Kanjiro. What in the hell is so important that the Eastern Lord himself shows up at my door?"

Kanjiro narrowed his eyes slightly, not approving of Inuyasha's distracted and none-too-respectful tone. Kanjiro was a powerful lord - indeed, the Eastern Lands were second only to their Western neighbor - and he was not used to being brushed off. However, he gripped his diplomacy tightly about him like a shield. "May I come in?""Yeah, sure..." Inuyasha muttered, stepping aside so the Eastern Lord could enter, along with his personal guard. They traveled to the throne room and Inuyasha plunked himself unceremoniously into the massive seat. He really wasn't in the mood to entertain guests. Especially tricky and powerful ones. They made him uneasy. "So whaddaya want? I got a lot of things on my mind."

"Rumors have come to my attention that the former Lord Sesshoumaru did not, in fact, perish in the assault that left you as heir to this throne."

Inuyasha's ears flicked forward - he was giving Kanjiro his full attention now. This particular neko youkai could cause him no little amount of trouble if he desired. How anyone had heard that Sesshoumaru was alive already, however, baffled Inuyasha.

"Supposing the rumors you've heard are true, what does it matter?""Are you saying that you are maintaining this title despite the presence of Sesshoumaru?" Kanjiro arched an eyebrow. Interesting...either Sesshoumaru was significantly weaker than he had thought, to be thus bested by a hanyou -unlikely...or this hanyou was much more powerful than he had guessed. Although there could be something else afoot entirely - Kanjiro did not like it.

"All you need to know is that I'm the Western Lord beyond question. Whether or not LORD Sesshoumaru is alive and well, present or not, is not your concern. I am more than fit to rule in his stead or in his absence."Kanjiro bowed slightly. "Ah. Of course, Lord Inuyasha. I simply wished to know. It would be terribly awkward, you see, if the great Lord Inu no Taisho's heir was alive and well and yet not in possession of his throne, as his father had wished. Your brother was not loved, but he was respected.""And you don't respect me. Because I'm a hanyou, most likely. If you have too much of a problem with it, then bring it on. Otherwise, get the fuck out and go home, I'm not about to gossip with you or let you snoop."Kanjiro blinked - Inuyasha was very coarse and blunt. However, those that had thus far tried to dethrone him had failed and met bitter ends. The hanyou WAS powerful, and that sword he wore so easily was said to be able to fell a hundred demons in one stroke. Truly a mighty gift that the Inu no Taisho had left his younger son!

Inuyasha was relieved when the neko youkai bowed deeply and apologized for any inconveniences or unintentional insults he may have delivered, and was escorted out. The hanyou sagged in relief - he really had had no idea how to deal with that. If it had come to a fight, he wasn't entirely sure he could have won. His chief advisor had informed him that Sesshoumaru and Kanjiro had fought like...well, cats and dogs. Sesshoumaru had always bested the neko, but had never come away unscathed.

// Meh, I have to get Sessh running this place again. I don't envy him the position at all. It sounds great and wonderful...be king of a huge country!...but it's a fuck of a lot more headache and work than its worth. I HATE politics... Speaking of Sessh, maybe I can corner him after lunch so we can go over a plan to try and kill the slimy bastard that caused all of this trouble in the first place. I'd rather go now, but...I think he needs his space. Damn it. Why does everything have to be so confusing? I miss running around in my forest and only having to worry about what to eat for dinner and which tree to sleep in. Everything was so much simpler. //