InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pride (In the Name of Love) ❯ Chapter 92

Pride (In the Name of Love) 92 / ??
Written by Jezz-Ra
Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Het, Rape, Lemon, Violence, Language, Torture, Angst, Incest, Dark (at times). It's a massive story, folks, it's got a little bit of everything.
Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

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// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - Ugh. No power at work last night...had to do all my work by flashlight and I hurt one of my fingers pretty bad, so typing is kinda...a painful experience. Perhaps I can type an entire fic without using o's or l's? LOL....hrm. I think I just epic failed.
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After breakfast, Toga pulled Sesshoumaru to the side. "My Sesshoumaru, I have something to tell you."

Sesshoumaru slowly lifted an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I have some urgent business that I need to take care of. I shall likely be gone until tomorrow evening."

Sesshoumaru nodded. "This Sesshoumaru is quite capable of handling matters for a whole day."

Toga smiled. "Indeed. On the morrow, make quite certain you get a head start on the next morning's work, and make time for a long nap."

Sesshoumaru stared at Toga for a moment, puzzled by the strange request. "Ah...why?"

Toga smiled and leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a low purr. "Because, my Sesshoumaru, y ou will not be getting any sleep tomorrow night."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened and his cheeks flared with a sudden blush as Toga abruptly turned and sauntered off down the hallway with a little wave. Sesshoumaru couldn't think of a single thing to say and just stood, staring, as his father vanished down the hallway after cheerily bidding him goodbye.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sairex squinted and poked at the blessed pendant idly with a small twig of wood he'd taken from the Tree of Ages. Things were not going quite how he had hoped, and he was beginning to wonder if this device would work at all. He jumped, startled, at the sudden knock on the door. Miroku wouldn't knock - besides, there was no way he was done doing whatever monkly task he was off performing just yet - and the raven couldn't imagine who else would be visiting. "Yes?"

Toga smiled and slid into the room. He was dressed in his full battle regalia. Sairex eyed him for a long moment.

"Vell, hello...."

"It has been some time since we've chatted. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fairly vell, tank you. A little tired, ztill zuffering zome nasty headaches and dreams. Not all of vhat I zaw vhile I vas inzane vas pleasant. It's very hard to tell vhat vas real and vhat vasn't." Sairex looked down as his pale cheeks started to flush as he recalled a particular incident...involving Toga...

"Sairex..."

"I'm going to assume dat DAT one vas real," the raven muttered, still blushing.

"If you are referring to what happened when I first came upon you...then yes. It was."

"I'm zorry." Sairex frowned deeply. "I...I didn't mean to."

"Sairex, my friend....I do not fault you for anything you said or did while you were waging your battle. It's alright.""No, it really isn't." Sairex let out a long sigh. "I vould dearly love to accept your forgiveness and move on, but dere is a problem vith dat."

Toga arched an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"You can pass it off as zometing I did because I vas out of my mind and let me off easy, but I can't. I vas not alvays in control of my mind or my body, but dere vere plenty of times vhen I had partial control. I..." Sairex faltered, not sure how to say what he wanted to. "Forget it. I accept your forgiveness and ve vill move on."

"While you still have my forgiveness, I am now quite curious."

Sairex flicked his eyes up to meet Toga's, and the inu was taken aback by the anguish he saw there. "I did tings I vould not normally have done, but I meant dem. Dat is da problem, Toga. I never ztopped loving you, I never ztopped vanting you, and I never vanted to leave you. I never ztopped tinking about you, vondering vhat you vere doing and if you had moved on. For longer dan I can zay, I ached just to feel you. And even vhen time allowed me to finally get past it all and move on as much as I vas able, it didn't make it ztop. All dese centuries, all dese tousands of years...you've been in da zhadows of my heart. I never contacted you vhen I finally vas free of Zetsukosei da first time because...you vere moving on vith your life. I figured it vas best to let it lie, better if you thought me dead zince I had no vay to reach you and couldn't leave da Circle."

Toga stared wide-eyed at the raven. Whatever he had expected in coming to this room, it wasn't this...

"And den tings happened. I zomehow fell into dis relationship vith Miroku, and I do not regret it in any vay. I love him truly. And den...and den you vere zuddenly back in da picture. I vanted to...I...kaa..." Sairex closed his eyes. "It doesn't matter, I didn't. But den I lose my control and my body runs avay vith it all. I feel zo...guilty. How can I harbor zuch tings in my mind, and ztill take da love of another as if I ztill deserve it?"

"Oh, Sairex..." Toga sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I will not bother to go into detail, but it was not lightly that I moved on either. It took me many centuries before I even thought to take a mate. Had I not convinced myself you must surely be long dead, I probably never would have. It would have spared me much grief, although I cannot regret it as it gave me my Sesshoumaru. But...do not think that, just because you still care for me, it makes you unworthy of another. The monk loves you, and you caring won't change that."

"I know. I zimply...feel guilty. I have no intent on trying to pursue you...I just...I vanted you to know. I do not like being dishonest, even if it is only vith myself."

"My dear little bird, you can still love me and I can still love you, even if we are no longer intimate. Our respective mates will understand."

Sairex blinked, then smiled. "I zuppose you are right, at dat...tank you, Toga. Is...inquiring as to my vellbeing da purpose of your visit?..."

Toga slowly shook his head. "No, it isn't. I need to ask a favor of you."

"Of course. Vhat do you need?"

"Send me to the Circle. I intend to bring back this Jormandar's head on a platter." A soft growl escaped Toga as he finished his vow.

Sairex stared at him wide-eyed before shaking his head. "No. You can't go by yourzelf."

"Sairex, my friend...for the moment, it is a request that I would appreciate if you granted. Deny me and I will be forced to remind you that you swore fealty to me. I do not wish to make it an order."

"Kaa...in a roundabout zort of vay, I tink you just did."

"Even so...you must comply."

"I vill not."

"Sairex. I will not allow this fiend to freely roam about and keep coming up with clever new ways to hurt my pup. He has even threatened war! The only clean and quick way to end all this nonsense and put a close to all this needless grief is to kill the bastard, and I cannot do that without going to him since he will not come to me!"

"Jormandar is no easy conquest, Toga." Sairex crossed his arms over his chest and met the inu's increasingly angry gaze, not backing down an inch. "Vhile he himzelf vould not be a match for you, you vould not face him alone. His palace is a fortress, filled with traps and zurrounded by a massive army. It is the only vay anyone of power ztays alive in da Circle. Charging in dere alone is foolish, and I vill not let you vaste your life."

"It is an order, Sairex. Gods know I love you, but I will not let you keep me from this." Toga growled softly.

"And I vill not assist you. Vhat vill you do? Exile me? Toss me back in da dungeon?"

The air was charged and tense for a long moment, Sairex utterly refusing to submit despite the sudden flare in Toga's aura. They stared each other down for a long moment before Toga sighed heavily and closed his eyes.. "Please, Sairex. He must be stopped and I don't know any other damn way to get there."

Sairex frowned. "You don't know anyting about how da Circle vorks, you don't know vhere to go, you don't know vhat you're getting into...or you vould not demand dis of me. Toga, no demon lives as long as you by being a fool You died once because you charged blindly off into a zituation you didn't know much about. You are threatening to repeat dat zame mistake. If you vant me to be your advisor, den perhaps you zhould listen to my advice."

Toga frowned. Sairex was right, of course, although he hated having it pointed out to him like this. "What else can I do? Just let him keep coming up with new plans until one finally works and he takes my pup from me? What do you think will happen to me if I sit here and do nothing and my Sesshoumaru is taken or worse and I have done NOTHING to prevent it?"

Sairex was clearly not happy with the thought. "...If you insist on going, den, I vill make da portal for you...but I am going vith you."

"No, I will not risk your life to protect my pup's."

"If you don't take me vith you, you von't be going."

"Damn it, raven..."

"I vill not let you throw avay your life. And vhile I can ztop you from going...you can not ztop me from accompanying you. If you insist on fighting me over dis, zo be it. If you vould exile me if I do not comply, den I vill leave vithout a fight. But you vill not go alone. Or do I need to go back troo dat whole love-you zpeech I just gave a few minutes ago?"

"You would think I would have learned, by now, that it's nigh on impossible to make you submit...I AM Lord around here, you know..."

"Kaa, and I don't play by your canine inztinct rules. I learned a few tings by association but us bird types don't really buy into da whole alpha-beta ting."

"A shame, really. It works out so nicely."

Sairex snorted. "Of course it does, vhen you're da alpha and everyone else has to do vhat you zay."

"Its simpler. Everyone knows their place and there are no unnecessary conflicts like the one we just had. Besides, not everyone does what I say just because I say it. My Sesshoumaru challenges me all the time."

"It vas entirely necessary. I know you could take me in a fight, but I vould rather die dan give in no matter how bad you tink you vant it. And Zezzhoumaru belongs to you utterly. Even if he is villful at times, he vill alvays submit to you."

"Mm. Well. Shall we begin?"

"Kaa...yes. Let me go tell Miroku I am leaving, first...and den ve vill go."

"Very well. I shall be here awaiting your return."