InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pride (In the Name of Love) ❯ Chapter 102

Pride (In the Name of Love) 102 / ??
Written by Jezz-Ra
Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Het, Rape, Lemon, Violence, Language, Torture, Angst, Incest, Dark (at times). It's a massive story, folks, it's got a little bit of everything.
Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

Sidestories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.
Archived at - inu.adultfanfiction.net, fanfiction.net, and mediaminer.org ::: Anywhere else, ask!
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// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - Thank you for the lovely reviews, and thank you for the piccy, Fluffy's Green Comb! ^^

Not much to report. Toying with the idea of another mini-Sesshy ficlet, since everyone (me included) seems to like them so much. =D
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"Get...out...." Toga finally growled, his head hanging forward and his bangs shielding his eyes. He tried to control the vicious trembling in his limbs. It had been all he could do to refrain from lashing out at Tsetsukosei until he no longer had the strength to move. Inuyasha frowned but slid from the room.

Sairex, not at all bound by pack law, ignored the command and simply folded his arms, eyes narrowing. "Toga."

"Sairex, I meant everyone. I ...""I know. You're confused, you're angry, you don't know vhat to do. Vell, neither do I...but you damn vell better reconsider my offer."

Toga's eyes finally snapped open and he turned them on Sairex in a somewhat angry glare. "I will do no such thing. I cannot trade you for anyone, even my son. I would then be in just as complicated a dilemma, wondering what to do for you."

Sairex frowned deeply, but his spine stiffened at Toga's next question.

"He called you kittosei...what does that mean?"

Sairex scowled deeply, not meeting Toga's gaze. "Roughly, its a term for a whore dat really loves deir job."

Toga frowned, but was surprised out of a bit of his anger when Sairex's eyes snapped back up to his own, sparking fiercely.

"It is exactly vhy I am offering to take Zezzhoumaru's place. Bring da boy home and vorry about me later. I can handle anyting da damn lich does. I did for almost a tousand years before I got avay from him."

"A thousand..." Toga sat back, eyes widening. "You were...you were stuck with that monster for that long?"

Sairex's tone was bitter, and his smirk self-deprecating. "Roughly, yes. He prized me. I am pretty and appear delicate, but I am not fragile and could take plenty of abuse. I vas raised to learn to take pain vithout flinching. All my life before I came to your lands vas a mess of physical misery. It never depressed me, because it vas all I knew. It vas how life vith my people vas. You vere beaten and broken and hurt near to death...and only da ztrongest vould zurvive. I zurvived."

The raven paused for a long moment before continuing. "Da reason I vas zo drawn to you vas because you made no zense to me. At all. You flew in da face of all I knew. You vere not raised like I vas... you did not zee tings da vay I had been zhown to zee dem...and yet you ztill had power to dwarf my own. It fascinated me. You conzidered me in a vay no one else ever had. I did not underztand da idea of zuch positive emotions. I vas...zimply resigned to my life as it vas. And after you...noting vas da zame ever again.

"At first, vhen Zetsukosei got his claws in me, I vas his personal playting. He enjoyed testing da limits of vhat I could endure, but grew frustrated because he couldn't force me to zcream or break me. Da truth of it vas dat I'd had vorse. Zo he learned to improve. He is a master at causing pain like you vould not believe vithout leaving much physical trace behind. It vouldn't do to mar his toys, after all.

"He tried mind-games vith me but he didn't have anyting much to vork vith. In part to try to punish me and in part because he vas proud of his little toy, he flaunted me in front of da other lords of da Circle. He took a zpecial delight in forcing me to do tings in public just to prove his mastery and zhow me off. He found it amusing. I cannot count da times I vas forced to kneel at his feet and pleasure him vhile he held some meeting or other. Eventually he allowed his friends to do vith me as dey vould in an effort to gain points vith dem.

"Zoon he realized he had zometing of a convenient little bargaining chip and he whored me out for all manner of favors, mostly minor. And da vorst part vas dat I could not close my eyes to it, I could not block it out...because if I vas not an active participant and at least pretend like I enjoyed myzelf...da tings he vould do to me vere not vorth da pain of zuch humiliation.

"It took me over a tousand years to be ztrong enough dat I could get avay from him. But dat is vhy he calls me kittosei, because dat is vhat I vas. I vas his whore. You do not know da tings I have done, or how damn many I...dammit, Toga, it doesn't matter. Dis is vhat he vill do to your Zezzhoumaru. He tried before, and dat is vhy Jormandar ended up with a broken face and zeeks revenge. But dis is zometing I can handle. I'm already filthy from it."

Toga did what he could to swallow the lump in his throat and mask his horror. Of course, he had known that Tsetsukosei had done terrible things to the raven, but...somehow, he had always let his mind sort of...glaze over the facts. He didn't want to consider the implications, did not want to think of it. But even still, to think of it now...and to see the scowl of disgust and self-loathing that was rapidly melting behind Sairex's casual mask....it twisted in his gut.

It only got worse a moment later when the words sank in. 'This is what he will do to your Sesshoumaru. He tried before.' Toga shut his eyes tightly and shook his head.

"Sairex...I didn't know. I...I'm sorry. If I had any idea, I would have found some way to...to..."

"It doesn't matter, Toga. It's done and over vith. Da whole point vas it doesn't matter if he does his vorst to me, its noting I haven't endured befo--ack!"

Sairex flailed as he was suddenly jerked into Toga's lap and a tight embrace. He squirmed a bit but didn't really bother trying to resist. Toga was a lot stronger than him and if he wanted a hug, well, he damn well was going to get one.

"I am so sorry, Sairex. I never should have let you go. It is something I have regretted all my life, and now moreso than ever. You didn't....no one deserves to live like that, to be treated as a ...thing....and not a living creature. And I loved you, but gave you over regardless."

Sairex frowned, feeling his emotions starting to bubble up dangerously. If this continued much longer, he wasn't sure he could keep a lid on them...and he didn't want to break down when Toga needed the support a lot more than he did. His crisis was long past. "Do not blame yourzelf, ve both know it vas as it had to be."

"Damn the politics and damn the expectations of others! If I had been thinking clearly, I would have never let you go and would have fought off anyone that dared to challenge me!"

Sairex could feel the slight quiver in the inu's arms and the thickness in his voice, and an upwards glance confirmed his suspicions. Yes, those were tears. Closing his own eyes tightly, he rested his head against Toga's chest. "Dammit, Toga, don't be a fool. You veren't anyvhere near as powerful as you are now. You couldn't have done anyting, tings vould have ended up like dey vere at da least or vorse. Don't try to blame yourzelf for any of dis."

"I didn't even try...and I will not let you suffer again. YOU are the one being foolish, Sairex...you have a mate and a child, both of whom need y ou. I...I will offer myself to the beast in trade instead."

Sairex snorted. "Toga...dere are very, very few tings in dis vorld I vould ever venture to zay you couldn't do...but dat is one of dem. You could never zubmit to him and you are too dangerous for him to risk forcing. He von't accept your offer. Bezides...even if he DID...how in da hell do you tink ve vould ever be able to fix Zezzhoumaru vithout you?"

Toga closed his eyes and hugged Sairex tighter to his chest, as much to comfort himself as to soothe the ache in his heart for ever allowing that monster to take his raven away without a fight in the first place. "So the only option I have is to decline his offer, knowing that it will send him home to torture my pup."

Sairex was silent, which was confirmation enough for Toga's unspoken question.

"Dear gods, Sairex...I'm so worried. Even...even if I had Sesshoumaru back this moment, it might already be too late. He was ill recovered from the first ordeal. He had only recently begun to build himself back up, to get over the frantic nightmares...and it has not been long that I have been able to allow him out of my sight for fear that he might...might hurt himself. And now this... and what's worse, the bastard as much as told us he intends to use my image in his schemes. I...what if...what if I can't...." Toga choked off, unable to finish the thought.

"Ve vill find him and bring him back. You vill be able to put him back together, it vill just take time. I tink...dis offer vas not zo much a genuine trade offer on Zetsukosei's part zo much at it vas a lash to use on you. He knew you vould not accept it...but I vish you vould."

"Do not hold yourself in so little regard, Sairex. As you say, it is not likely a real offer. He would betray the terms and you would both be stuck...and furthermore...he knows how we have come and gone to the circle previously. Should you be his captive...he will no doubt find a way to keep you from assisting us in opening a portal, and we have no one else that can. Your freedom is vital."

Sairex looked up and sighed softly before brushing the pads of his thumbs lightly over Toga's cheeks, wiping away the inu's helpless tears. "I am zo zorry to ever have caused you dis mess...it all comes back to me. Vithout me, you never vould have run afoul of Zetsukosei all dose years ago."

Toga growled softly. "Never, ever say such a thing to me again. I would not trade that time for anything, do not demean it or yourself. We will find a way to rescue my son, and we will bring him back, and I will do it without sacrificing you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Tsetsukosei blinked at the sight of Sesshoumaru. So much blood...but nothing vital had been cut. The wounds were already sealing.

It baffled the dracolich briefly. // Why would the puppy cut himself to no purpose? Just to watch himself bleed? // Tsetsukosei snorted and hoisted Sesshoumaru off the ground, giving him a rough examination. He seemed to be in one piece and in no serious danger of dying.

Good. It wouldn't do to lose his prize that he had fought for for so long. And the look on the inu Lord's face...oh, his agony had been so sweet. And the hatred in that pretty raven's eyes....delectable.

The dracolich chuckled to himself as he casually tossed Sesshoumaru's unconscious body into the corner of the room and stalked back out. Yes, this was going to be most enjoyable. All he had to do now was to bounce between shapes and deepen the inu's insanity.

That had been the real reason he had made his way back to Toga's castle, more than the sweet vengeance his false offer would bring. He needed to get a good look at Toga and Inuyasha, make certain he could emulate their forms and scents and voices without fail. Should Sesshoumaru realize one of his 'hallucinations' was not only real, but an imposter...much of his work would be undone.

And for all the work he had already done on the inu, well... Sesshoumaru had an extraordinary strength within him. For all his psychosis and long-standing mental issues that made it possible for Tsetsukosei to even wiggle his way through the cracks to chip at Sesshoumaru's mind in the first place... Sesshoumaru was proud and strong. His solid if cold sense of logic made things much more difficult as well. It was always possible that Sesshoumaru could find some center within himself and render himself immune to Tsetsukosei's mind-games.

Should that happen, well...he would probably have to kill him or strip his mind from him. Neither were positive options. It'd be a sad loss to kill him...and Sesshoumaru as a mindless, lifeless puppet held little appeal for Tsetsukosei. The dracolich thrived on pain, fear, agony, despair...the mindless felt none of those. Even the creatures he managed to break still had those terrible emotions in their eyes. True, once they were broken he would grow bored...but not before delighting in his success for a while.

// I just have to make sure the damned raven stays as far away from him as Jormandar. I can pass them off as delusions provided he does not see them, just figments of his imagination. But they are the weakest links in my plan. If they proved real, then he will realize it was NOT all a dream. Until I have further deepened this insanity I am crafting...I should keep him isolated. //

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A pair of crimson eyes gleamed thoughtfully as Naraku slid through the shadows, rolling over what he'd learned in his mind.

He wasn't really up on who the participants in the current fiasco were, but one thing had caught his attention and he wanted to try it. It could be terribly beneficial, besides...

Shapeshifting sounded like fun!