InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pride (In the Name of Love) ❯ Chapter 130

Pride (In the Name of Love) 130 / ??
Written by Jezz-Ra
Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Het, Rape, Lemon, Violence, Language, Torture, Angst, Incest, Dark (at times). It's a massive story, folks, it's got a little bit of everything.
Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

Sidestories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.
Archived at - inu.adultfanfiction.net, fanfiction.net, and mediaminer.org ::: Anywhere else, ask!
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// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - Hooray, fanfiction dot net seems to be working again! Now I can get a little back on schedule. Tomorrow's chapter (as in the Tuesday edition of Pride) may not occur until late, if I manage to get it out on time at all. I work early shift . So I'll not have time in the morning and I'll be exhausted by the time I get home and may end up just falling asleep. Just fair warning.

I want to promise y'all that even if the updates slow down a tiny bit (like every other day on occasion instead of every day) it's not because I'm losing interest in my writing. No need to panic. I just...sometimes have interference that makes it tough to keep up with EVERY SINGLE DAY...hehe. Anyhow, love y'all. Hope you enjoy the chapter, even if it's a bit of a controversial issue if my past reviews are anything to judge by.
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Things were not going according to plan. Kimi frowned deeply as she settled down into Toga's throne in the empty audience hall, not bothering to light any of the lamps against the dark night. The darkness suited her mood.

Nothing had turned out like she thought it would. She had spent the better part of five hundred years resenting Toga, blaming him for all that had gone wrong in her life. If she insisted it enough, she could almost bring herself to believe it at times - better to blame Toga than to admit that maybe she had been wrong, been at fault.

How could she have been wrong? Her and her so called 'friends' had all fought for the inu Lord's attentions when he had announced his intention to take a mate. Kimi had put on a convincing act of love, which she had told herself was love for power and wealth, which Toga had more of than any other.

Maybe it had been at some point...but everything had fallen apart at the seams since then.

She had truly resented the inu Lord for reasons she couldn't quite name, and truly she had not wanted any part of a pup. She felt she was still far too young for motherhood. She was probably right.

Her exile had only reinforced her irrational hatred of Toga. Every report she had her minions gather over the years only served to incense her further, fuel her rage. Her rage lasted for half of a millenia.

And then Toga had died, protecting his new mate and his just-born son. The mightiest of demons had died for them. // Would he have died for me? // Kimi frowned and fidgeted uneasily. She knew the answer. Toga would have given his life for her without a second thought. He who had everything valued her above all else, and she had known it.

It was impossible to take another mate. She had tried. But every time ended with her snarling and viciously discarding whatever male she had lured in, haunted by distant memories of sunfire-gold eyes and a strong embrace, whispered words of possession and devotion.

With Toga's death, her anger had waned, replaced by a lump in her throat that just didn't want to go away. It had been horribly difficult to admit to herself that she was feeling regret. While she still tried to grasp at her feeble self-righteous anger...she knew it was all just a lie.

She had fallen in love with him anyway. She had simply been too foolish, too swayed by the seduction of power and wealth to realize the whole truth. It had taken five hundred years of growing up and his death to understand the whole truth.

And then she heard rumors of his resurrection after two hundred years...and then the rumors were confirmed. Kimi had been entirely unable to figure out how to handle the news. She put up an angry front and tried to convince herself of it's truth...but she had never really managed. Her rage at him was hollow, just a cover for something deeper that she couldn't shake.

And then...her pup. Sesshoumaru. // Or should I say, Toga's pup...hn. It's always 'MY Sesshoumaru' with him... // Somehow, though, that thought didn't irk her as much as she would have expected it to. Dear gods, she didn't know WHAT she expected from Sesshoumaru.

Coming here to this castle was the first time she had seen him in anything other than the dim lighting of Tsetsukosei's dungeon, battered and dirty and ragged to the point he was practically unrecognizable. It had been easy to think of the unresponsive thing hanging on the wall as less than alive...not real. Even at the times Sesshoumaru WAS lively, he was little more than an animal, gnashing his teeth and raging against his bonds...mindless.... or babbling things that made no sense as insanity gripped him tighter and tighter.

Despite the fact that she knew she had played a role in his torment, she herself had not actually DONE anything. Half of it was fueled by Sesshoumaru's lunacy and the rest was Jormandar. While Tsetsukosei was a master at physical torment, Jormandar was much more insidious. The dracolich had been plenty content to allow the puppetmaster to have his bit of revenge, crafting intricate illusions and playing with the inu's mind.

But now it was different. She was seeing him as he was normally... not as a crazed, animalistic prisoner. He was beautiful and graceful. From what she could tell, his mind was frightfully sharp as well. Kimi had the distinct impression that he was smarter than either of his parents and figured Toga wouldn't argue. The thought brought the tiniest flicker of a grin to her lips. // Hn. Toga never claimed to be super-intelligent, of course. He never needed to be. Not that he's stupid, by any means... //

Kimi frowned darkly as she thought more on Sesshoumaru's cunning. Her pup had been steadily and slowly turning the tables on her and all her plans since she arrived. He had effectively made it so she could not contact the outside world in any fashion, she could never actually get through to any of the military officials...or other palace officials, for that matter. Sesshoumaru had smoothly announced his father's absence and the turnover of the throne...and yet, he had done it in such a way that he still looked like the authority of the West. Oh, sure, everyone TECHNICALLY recognized her and she had all the power that went with the title...but it was clear that everyone considered the House of the Inu no Taisho to be in charge, ultimately.

Kimi swallowed thickly. Her pup was truly impressive...and he was strong. Gods, he was strong. She knew without doubt that he'd match or surpass his father when he had enough age and growth and experience to match him. Even now...she wouldn't stand much of a chance against him. That realization was made so much worse by the simple fact that he had stared her in the eyes and promised from the bottom of his heart to kill her. She had no doubt whatsoever that Sesshoumaru meant it. There was no mercy or compromise in the flat announcement, no hint of compassion or forgiveness in the cultured purr of his voice.

// So now what do I do?... // She closed her eyes with a heavy sigh. It had been easy to hate her enemies when they were faceless, less than real... when she wasn't standing in the quiet halls of the place that had been the best home she had ever known...when her prisoner wasn't the only male whose love and devotion ever mattered and her would-be assassin was none other than their son.

// I've been so damn stupid. I thought I was so smart, so cunning...I was just a stupid pup myself. I thought all that mattered was being as impressive as the other ladies at court. My 'friends'. Hah. I thought all that I needed was power and wealth, and that it didn't matter what I had to do to get it. I'd just put on my little act and fool the stupid male...how was I supposed to know he was so... wonderful? I guess I was just expecting a bored Lord looking for something pretty to hang off his arm in exchange for sharing his title. I didn't think he'd LOVE me. I didn't think he'd... he'd treat me like a real queen and cherish me and...fuck. //

Kimi angrily wiped at the treacherous tears threatening to spill over. // And I know if I had EXPLAINED to him that I wanted to wait a bit on having a pup he would have understood. I was too much a damn child myself. And now it's too late to change, with all I've set in motion. But regardless... I don't think I can go through with this. //

Kimi lifted the crimson orb around her neck and sighed before reaching into it with her mind.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Toga."

Toga's head lifted slowly and he winced as his bones popped. He hadn't moved in a long while. Sleep did not want to come in this strange sub-realm. Nor was he hungry or thirsty...he was simply preserved in near stasis. "Eh? Kimi?"

The female inu was silent for so long that Toga began to wonder if he had simply imagined it. Finally, however, she spoke again. Toga was shocked at the pain and sorrow in her tone. "I'm sorry."

"Wh...what?" He really couldn't believe he had heard her right.

"Oh, damn it, don't make me repeat myself! I'm sorry, alright? I screwed everything up. I was a spoiled brat and I used you. I said and did some terrible things, and I'm sorry. I'm...sorry that I hurt you."

Toga's eyes were wide as he stared into the endless dark of his binding. This was unexpected...but could it be true? Was it a lie? Was she attempting to manipulate him again? "I see."

"I know you have no reason to believe me, and I don't care. I'm not going to say it again, I just wanted you to know."

Toga paused for a long moment. "Kimi, if you're truly sorry, then let me out of here. Things don't have to be like this. I'll let you go, no matter the validity of your apology. Even if it is simply a lie, I do not care." He was silent for a long moment before sighing heavily. "Despite how badly you hurt me, forcing you out of my life was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I loved you, truly I did. You broke my heart, and it killed me to push you away. But I had to."

"I know. You ... were right to do so. But I can't let you out of here, Toga."

"Why not? You said yourself that you have regret."

"YOU may be forgiving enough to allow me to walk away with my life, Toga, but Sesshoumaru is not. The moment you are out of my grasp, my life at the very least is forfeit. I don't think even you can stop him."

Toga frowned. Kimi was probably right. "I should be able to stop my Sesshoumaru long enough for you to get away."

"What if I don't WANT to get away?"

Toga blinked and sat back. "What?"

"You heard me. I don't... I don't really expect a second chance or anything like that but I don't just want to run off either, not with things...being left like this. Though it really blows my mind that you have a... a physical relationship with our pup, if the rumors I heard were true."

Toga growled softly. "He is my sole mate and marked as such. The rumors you have heard are not unfounded, but nor is it popular knowledge and for political reasons we have kept it a secret."

"Your MATE? You can't be serious...!"

"Oh, I'm VERY serious."

"You...you MARKED him? Toga, I know you were...were lonely and hurt when I left, but..."

Toga cut her off. "Do not dare to presume anything in regards to our relationship. I did not enter into it out of desperation or a sense of loss. The truth of the matter, which you may have failed to yet realize, is that my Sesshoumaru is an absolutely remarkable creature. He is intelligent and cunning, a master of diplomacy and political wrestling. He is graceful and powerful, a terror in combat and light-footed enough to walk over dead leaves in the fall and make no noise. He is unquestionably beautiful. His heart and mind have ever been...carefully guarded things. No one else has had opportunity to know him as I have. I have seen him laugh and cry, pull pranks and joke around. He is a complex puzzle and does not ever express his wishes that are unrelated to business in anything resembling a straight fashion. If you blink or don't pay attention, you miss it. But he trusts me enough to be open. For all of these reasons and more, I came to love him. The fact that he is my pup remains an... unfortunate complication. I never made any such move on him prior to my death. Whatever else you or the others may assume, I did struggle mightily with the fact that he was my son....but I loved him too much to care."

Kimi was silent, unable to form a proper response. She felt a sudden spike of jealousy that surprised her at Toga's passionate declaration. She could hear the protective threads in his voice, just DARING her to challenge him or his choice of mate. // He once sounded like that about me... //

The inu female shook her head angrily and shut down the connection before slumping back in the throne, pretending that there weren't tears of hurt and frustration leaking from her eyes. // What in the fuck do I do now?... I can't let him go and can't proceed with the plan. Damn it all... //