InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity 2: Defiance ❯ Loneliness ( Chapter 31 )

~~Chapter 31~~

~Loneliness~

 

“So you've heard.”

 

Sesshoumaru sat back in his desk chair and nodded slowly as Kagura stepped into the study. “I have,” he agreed.

 

“I would have thought you'd look happier about it.”

 

Dropping his glassed on the desk calendar, Sesshoumaru sat back and gazed at his mate with a marked frown. “Why would you believe that?”

 

Kagura shrugged. “Don't pretend to be concerned. You didn't want him to be with Sierra. You did everything you could to make sure it didn't happen when she was here with him, didn't you?”

 

“Just because I didn't want him to be with a mortal does not mean I would see him unhappy.”

 

“Would you give him your blessing if she is the one his blood has chosen?”

 

“It shall not come to that.”

 

Kagura shook her head. “Don't be foolish! Simply because you don't want him to be with a mortal does not mean that his youkai won't respond to her. You are the Inu no Taisho, but even you cannot dictate your son's heart or his blood.”

 

Sesshoumaru strode over to the sideboard to pour himself a glass of water. “His youkai blood is like mine. It shall not choose a human.”

 

“Then you really are a fool. The very things that mark Toga as your son are the very reasons that his blood might well choose a human. He's just as stubborn as you, just as set in his beliefs, just as willing to fight for what he believes in his heart . . . Do not deny him the happiness he deserves.”

 

“I will not yield.”

 

“And I will not stand by and watch you chase away your only son!”

 

Sesshoumaru squeezed the glass in his hand. It cracked then shattered in his grip. “What do you want from me?”

 

Kagura threw up her hands in complete consternation as she pinned her mate with a glare. “I want you to listen to him, for once! Listen to him before we lose him!”

 

“I will listen when he speaks reason.”

 

“And if his youkai has already chosen the girl?”

 

He didn't answer right away as he stared out the window at the gathering night. “Again I shall say his youkai would not dishonor my dictates, as both his father as well as Inu no Taisho.”

 

“But if it has?” Kagura asked again.

 

Sesshoumaru slowly turned to stare at his mate. “If it has . . . it can be ignored.”

 

Kagura shook her head and stormed toward the door, mumbling under her breath about baka mates, wind fans, and general mayhem.

 

“Where are you going, Kagura?” he called after her.

 

She stopped in the doorway but didn't look back at him. “I think I'll call InuYasha. Kagome said he's getting a little rusty with Tetsusaiga.”

 

With that, she strode away, leaving a glowering Sesshoumaru in her wake.

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

“What are you thinking about, wench?”

 

Kagome sighed and shook her head slowly as she nestled closer against InuYasha's chest. Staring out over the forest as night fell around them, she couldn't help but appreciate the complete sense of protection that she always felt when InuYasha was near. “Toga.”

 

He nodded slowly. “I figured as much.”

 

“He's in trouble, InuYasha. I know he is.”

 

InuYasha stared out of the corner of his eye at his mate. He knew her too well to think that he could convince her that there was nothing to worry about. Most of the time, her hunches were right. “What do you mean, in trouble?”

 

She made a face as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. “I mean I can sense him, his sadness, but it's more than that. It's like . . . it's like he's dying.”

 

“Dying?”

 

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. “A part of him, anyway . . . he's hurting.”

 

“Did you tell Kagura this?”

 

Kagome pursed her lips. “No, I didn't want to scare her.”

 

“Do you want me to do something? Go after him?”

 

“I don't know . . . I mean, we're related, but we aren't his parents.”

 

InuYasha snorted. “Keh! You want I should send that bastard after him? He'd only make things worse, as if he ain't already made it bad enough.”

 

Kagome had to agree with that. She never thought she'd see Toga openly defy Sesshoumaru, but then she didn't think Sesshoumaru would be so thick-headed about Toga's choices. “Do you think he'd talk to you? Toga, I mean?”

 

InuYasha shrugged as he pulled Kagome closer and stared out over his forest. The petrified tree they sat in had been there forever, it seemed. It had always been one of his favorite perches. How many times had he sat up here with Toga, after the pup's training? He sighed. Too many times to count . . .

 

“Damn, I hate planes,” he grumbled at last.

 

Kagome nodded and hugged her mate. “I know you do. He's just like one of our own, isn't he?”

 

InuYasha nodded. “Yeah . . . I guess he is.”

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

Sierra could hear herself blinking in the darkness. How many more sleepless nights would there be? She sighed. The onset of Huntington's disease normally began between the ages of thirty and forty-five, but that was just an average. It was like walking around with a bomb that you knew was going to detonate; you just didn't know when.

 

With a sigh, she tossed back her covers and rolled out of bed. There really wasn't any sense in lying down when she knew that she wasn't going to sleep. Wandering through the darkened apartment to the kitchen, she put a mug of water into the microwave for tea, Sierra leaned against the counter to wait.

 

Was Toga sleeping now? Was he awake, like she was? Was he thinking about her? Did he miss her anywhere near as much as she missed him?

 

Sierra shook her head as the microwave chimed. She dropped the herbal tea bag into the mug and returned to the living room, pausing long enough to flick on a lamp before she set the mug on the coffee table and sat down.

 

The journal lay untouched on the table beside her steeping mug of tea. In truth, she had stopped being really angry. It took too much effort. She wasn't sure when it had happened. She just didn't really care anymore. The strength she'd siphoned from Toga had long since dissipated. All that was left was a throbbing ache that wouldn't go away, a quiet pain that palpitated with the beat of her heart.

 

A bitter smile broke over her features, a humorless facsimile that lacked any conviction. The fear that the journal contained secrets that could hurt her was gone, too. There really wasn't anything in the world that could worsen the ache inside her, because without Toga . . .

 

She picked up the book; let it fall open to the first page. A short dedication by the woman—her birth mother—to a baby she called Coral—a name that meant nothing at all to Sierra . . . She skimmed it without a change in expression, turned the page and read without conviction.

 

.

 

`My Dearest Coral,

 

`You deserve some answers, and I only wish I could give them to you, myself. If you're reading this journal, then I suppose that it wasn't possible, that you won't get to hear my side of events that led to the day I chose to give you a better life, one that I couldn't provide for you.

 

`I was a struggling college student at the time. I met your father at a spring dorm party. He was so dashing, and I was just a naïve young thing. He was a year older than I, studying journalism. We dated for a year when it happened. It never crossed either of our minds, that we wouldn't be able to afford a baby. We were young, in love, and happy.

 

`I was so pleased when I learned that I was pregnant with you. It was the happiest time in my life. From the very first day I knew you were a girl, and I knew that you should be named after one of my ancestors. Legend had it that she was a strong woman, and I'll tell you more about her later. For now, let me tell you why we decided that you deserved better.

 

`During the middle stages of my pregnancy, I started suffering severe bouts of depression and strange moments when I would lose my balance for no apparent reason at all. It was in one of those bouts of depression that I tried to kill myself by slitting my wrists. If Jerry hadn't found me, I probably would have died, and you along with me. The doctors couldn't seem to figure out why I was so upset, so depressed. They said that some women did experience such things while they were pregnant, but to me, it wasn't normal or natural, and I feared that I would do you unintentional harm. As the depression grew worse for longer periods of time, it became apparent to the both of us that you would be in danger if we didn't do something. After much thought, discussion, tears, and pain, we decided that you would be better off with a stable family, with the hopes that you would live a normal, happy life.

 

`So we gave you up, Coral, just after you were born on my twenty-third birthday. There hasn't been a day that passed since when I've not thought about you, cried over you, and hoped that somewhere in your heart that you could forgive us one day. It wasn't until five years later that the doctors were able to accurately diagnose me. Huntington's disease is a scary thing, and when I think that I may have passed this to you as my legacy, you have no idea how it pains me. Jerry and I tried to contact the agency that handled your adoption, to tell them that there was a risk to you, that you might have inherited the defective gene. They refused to pass the information along.

 

`We waited until you were of age, but cutting through that much red tape that had been buried for so long was difficult. We finally got your information just after your twenty-second birthday. We haven't tried to contact you yet because . . . well, because I am afraid that you will hate us for what we did to you.'

 

.

 

Sierra grabbed her tea and drained the mug. She supposed she ought to feel something after having so much information explained to her; anger or disgust, compassion or grief . . . yet the only thing that kept filtering through her mind was, `What would Toga think of all this? Would he say anything at all or would he simply hold me and let me make up my own mind?'

 

She winced and shook her head. `Don't answer that . . .'

 

Reading the journal as minutes turned into hours, Sierra didn't notice when the room around her brightened with the rising sun. Scanning through stories of her Irish ancestry, she wasn't paying close attention until a name leapt out at her; a name she had to stare at a few moments to make sure she'd read it right.

 

.

 

`The name Coral, as I said, has a history in this family. Centuries ago, there was a woman who survived after everyone else in her village was destroyed. She was Japanese. They called her a `youkai exterminator', and her name was Sango, and in Japanese, that means `coral'. She married a monk named Miroku after they fought a great evil. Half-man, half-youkai, this devil's name was Naraku, and along with a legendary hanyou named InuYasha and a mysterious priestess, they defeated Naraku, banishing him to hell.

 

`Well, that was the story, anyway. Who knows how much truth is in that old tale? I always thought it was romantic, though. We do know that our ancestry can be traced back to Japan, however, so there is at least that truth. I hope you, Coral, will live up to such a great story. I hope you will be able to add lore of your own to these tales.

 

`There you have it. The story of who you are, of how you came to be where you are. I do not ask that you don't hate me. I only wanted you to know. I am sorry if I hurt you. That was never our intent. Be happy because whether you develop Huntington's disease or not, that was the only wish I'd ever had for you.

 

`Always in my heart,

`Your Mother.'

 

.

 

Sierra snapped the journal closed and set it aside.

 

InuYasha? Uncle Yasha? And the mysterious miko, Kagome . . . Aunt Gome . . . The stories Toga had told her, about the Sacred Jewel of Four Souls—the Shikon no Tama, about the battle with an evil hanyou, Naraku . . . She pressed her hand against her forehead as she frowned at the journal. Why did everything seem to lead back to Toga?

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

Toga stared at the computer with a marked frown, idly thumping the pen in his fingers against his cheek. `Kami, this is worse than watching grass grow,' he thought with a grimace. The camera Kari had placed in her office hadn't caught a thing. The Lutz-Boeing contract lay carelessly atop her briefcase. Toga had figured if any of the contracts would mysteriously disappear, it would be that one. The multi-billion-dollar proposal was one of the highest-profile mergers, both in assets as well as in press coverage. If someone really was trying to make Kari look bad, that would be the one to do it.

 

“Anything?”

 

Toga didn't look up from the monitor as he shook his head. Kari sighed and came around his desk, leaning on the back of his chair as she gazed over his shoulder at the monitor, too. “I swear, Toga, I'm not crazy.”

 

“I didn't say you were,” Toga replied. “It doesn't look like you're going to have any trouble tonight, anyway. I'll keep an eye on this until you leave.”

 

Kari nodded and headed out of the office. “Thanks again, Toga.”

 

He shrugged.

 

Twenty minutes later, after Kari finally finished gathering the work she was taking home with her and after Toga got his own things together; he took to the stairs to avoid the congestion around the elevators. Pushing through the doors into the parking garage with a tired sigh, he strode to his SUV without slowing his pace.

 

Tossing his attaché case into the passenger seat, Toga frowned as the sound of a stalling engine cut through the preoccupation in his mind. Glancing over with a marked frown, he shook his head slowly as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting to see how long it would take before Kari realized that her car wasn't about to start and gave up.

 

`Five minutes,' he thought as he glanced at his watch. `Figured it'd take her longer than that.' Then again, there was no telling just how long she'd been trying to start it before he got down here. He closed his door and leaned against his SUV as he waited for her to emerge from her vehicle.

 

He had to wonder if she was going to kick the car, she looked so upset. Pushing himself away from his vehicle, he strolled over as Kari popped her hood and started poking around. “You're going to make it worse, then it'll cost more to fix,” he commented.

 

Kari shot him a glower. “Funny, Inutaisho. This is just perfect.”

 

Wrinkling his nose at the oppressive fumes rising off the engine, Toga pointed at her alternator. “Your belt broke.”

 

She sighed. “I could fix that, you know,” she informed him. “At least I could if the parts stores weren't probably all closed.”

 

Toga shrugged. “Let me take you home. If you want, I'll bring you back tomorrow. If you're nice, I might even offer to put the belt on for you.”

 

She looked skeptical but grinned despite herself. “For some reason, I doubt you're much good with a wrench.”

 

“That's great; just kick me when I offer to help you.”

 

“Are you sure it won't be any trouble? To take me home? I can get a taxi tomorrow.”

 

Toga gestured for her to follow. “Come on. I've had enough work for one day.”

 

Keri grabbed her briefcase and hurried over to Toga's SUV.

 

“I can call a taxi,” she offered as she hesitated before climbing into the passenger seat.

 

Toga rolled his eyes. “Do you think I'll bite you or something? Come on.”

 

Kari made a face and shifted from one foot to the other. “It's not that . . . won't Sierra be . . . mad?”

 

Toga winced inwardly at the blatant reminder. “I doubt it. We aren't together anymore.”

 

Kari looked stunned. “I'm so sorry . . . I didn't know . . .”

 

He shook his head and gestured for her to hurry up. She finally climbed in and closed the door, remaining silent as he maneuvered out of the parking garage, stopping long enough to explain to the security guards that Kari's car would be there all night.

 

At the third stoplight when he intercepted her concentrated stare for the tenth time, Toga sighed. “Did I grow horns or something?”

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled as her cheeks reddened.

 

Toga blinked in surprise. He didn't remember seeing her blush before. Wisely hiding his amusement, he coughed into his fist. “That's okay. Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride tomorrow?”

 

“Yes, Toga, I'm sure. I'm not a damsel in distress, and you really don't have to be my knight in shining armor. Besides, I never did buy into the fairy tale mentality.”

 

He shrugged. “So you're saying that women don't like to be taken care of anymore? It's an archaic notion that should have died with the advent of the automobile?”

 

She giggled. “Not exactly. I just don't really think there is such a thing as chivalry anymore. It's not a big deal.”

 

“Did you develop this cynicism naturally or did you have to work at it?”

 

“I'm not cynical,” she argued, “I'm realistic.”

 

Toga shook his head. “You're jaded.”

 

She laughed but stopped suddenly as she gazed at him. “You want to go get something to eat? I mean, I've got TV dinners in the freezer . . .”

 

Toga made a face. “Oh, kami . . . tell me you don't eat those.”

 

She shrugged.

 

Considering the only thing he had planned was sitting in his window staring down at the street as he hoped for just a glimpse of Sierra, he had to admit, the idea of eating something decent did sound inviting. He was pretty sure he didn't have a thing in his own refrigerator or freezer, for that matter. Sierra normally brought food over for him. He missed that about her, too. “All right, then.”

 

Kari smiled. “You pick the place. I'll pay. I owe you, anyway.”

 

Toga shook his head. “You pick the place, and I'll pay.”

 

“Ugh, tell me you're not still trying to be the hero.”

 

Toga snorted. “Keh! I just have a macho-ego problem with letting women buy my food.”

 

Kari shook her head as her smile widened. “You're a funny guy, Toga.”

 

Toga sighed. “You have no idea.”

 

 

-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-0-=-

 

 

“Why did you come to the States? Your father's rich, right? Didn't you work for him?”

 

Toga shrugged as he jammed his hands into his pockets as they wandered down the street from the small Italian eatery toward Kari's apartment building. “My father and I don't see eye to eye,” he supplied.

 

“Hmm. Sounds like me and my father. He's old-school. Thinks women should be home, barefoot and pregnant.”

 

“And you don't agree?”

 

Kari grinned. “Never was one for changing diapers.”

 

“You're never going to have a family?”

 

Kari pulled her coat closer around herself. “I'll have one eventually, I guess . . . if I can find someone willing to put up with my ration of crap.”

 

“You? Giving out crap?”

 

Kari grinned. “Yeah . . . who knew?”

 

Toga shook his head as they stopped at a corner and waited for the crossing light. He could feel her gaze on him but didn't look at her to make sure. Kari sighed. “Toga, can I ask you something?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“I thought you and Sierra . . . I though you were serious. Why did you break up?”

 

He looked away and started walking when the light changed. “She needed some time, I guess,” he finally answered. “It doesn't really matter, does it?”

 

She stared at him for a few moments, a sad smile lighting on her lips. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't be.”

 

“No, really. You're such a nice guy, and . . . it just stinks for you.” Kari tried to smile but it looked almost more like a grimace. “For her, too.”

 

He stopped outside her apartment building, forced a smile as he pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Thanks for dinner,” he told her as he stepped back toward his vehicle.

 

“Why are you thanking me? You're the one who insisted on paying.”

 

He shrugged. “You invited me.”

 

“I'll see you Monday.”

 

Toga nodded. “And you're sure you don't want me to take you to fix your car tomorrow?”

 

Kari rolled her eyes and shook her head. “It's fine.” She turned to walk away but stopped and glanced back at him. “Toga?”

 

“Yes?”

 

She looked like she didn't want to say whatever it was that was on her mind. In the end, she shrugged a little offhandedly and shot him a quick smile. “Listen . . . for whatever it's worth, I think you're a pretty great guy, and . . . well, if you need someone to talk to, you've got my number.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

With a quick nod, Kari ran lightly up the stairs and disappeared into her building as Toga climbed into his SUV and started the engine.

 

 

~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~ *~=~*~=~*~=~*~=~

A/N:

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Reviewers

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jragoneyes(AScom) :

Sierra is the mate of his heart, his soul and his youkai....that much I'm sure of. but if he doesn't actually.... I mean.... if they don't.... well, you know.... get permanently physical (to put it tactfully).... would he still die when she does? And if he does, would it be from this "so unfair" disease? Or from his own broken heart and soul? I know it's a weird question and it really doesn't matter how it (the death) would happen.... just that it would.

 

It will be better explained later on … but no, Toga wouldn't die of Huntington's disease …

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MMorg

DarklessVasion ------ notzathros ------ Aitu-- not signed in ------ Iggy Lovechild ------ Lena17

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FFnet

Drake Clawfang ------ WiccanMethuselah ------ Rinicat (nope… lol) ------ smallflower ------ sari15 (Cuz it WILL!) ------ xSilverShadowsx ------ Jasmine Fields (nah, just one sucker punch… ) ------ Akihanah ------ Lulu (uhhh… no… he's just a protective brother… got a few of those, myself…) ------ Ryguy5387 ------ Flames101 ------ badgerwolf ------ Neo-Space-Pirate-Ryoko (Hmmm… maybe… lol) ------ Lady Yukiko ------ lil-epad ------ ILOVEINUS ------ Miranda ------ kestral-tudorica ------ grand admiral chelli ------ SilverStarWing (maaaaaaybe)

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AFFnet ------ AScom ------ ATnet

Midnight_Sparrow ------ Meres (She'll cover that in one of her introspections, I'm sure … ) ------ akdreamer ------ Mel ------ inugrl15 ------ CheshireAngel ------ Pilipa ------ fruitcake ------ Sess_2005 ------ obsesed_wit_fluffy

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Final Thought fromKari:

Stupid car …

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Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Defiance): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.

 

~Sue~