InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity 4: Justification ❯ Reprieve ( Chapter 67 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

'I really didn't understand anything at all, did I?'

'Don't be so hard on yourself, doll.'

Gin sighed and blinked as she stared into the darkest recesses of her bedroom.  Pervasive stillness, fragile calm drew a resonance from her heart that ebbed and flowed in the night.  The sound of Cain's even breathing was enough to soothe her, even as the deeper knowledge that he didn't belong here, didn't belong with her, dug at her soul with vindictive force.

Maybe it was a harsh assessment.  Then again, she couldn't help but feel a little stupid, after all.  She'd believed that she could make a difference.  She hadn't realized how much guilt one person could harbor.  She hadn't thought that one man could carry so much of a burden alone for so long.

'What would it be like, to be loved as much as Cain loved Isabelle?'

The pain in his voice had been too great.  The confusion that still lingered in the depths of his gaze had been too fresh.  Had reliving the past really helped him?  Had he suppressed it for so long that it came as second nature?  And if he had loved her that much, was there ever anything there for Gin, in the first place?

But maybe it had helped him . . . She couldn't really put her finger on it, but there was something a little less guarded about him, a certain air of vulnerability that he didn't mind showing her.

His arms tightened around her—he hadn't let her go since he'd come back other than when he had to get something for her to eat.  There hadn't even been a question.  Cain had put her to bed, opened her window, and said he was going to check on Bellaniece.  He was back moments later.  Bellaniece was already in bed, and Cain had stretched out beside Gin, pulling her securely against his chest before he dozed off to sleep.

She wished he'd stop saying he was sorry.  If he'd said it once, he'd said it a hundred times: telling her that he was sorry for yelling at her, for making her think, even for a second, that anything was her fault.

Gin knew better.

She hadn't thought about it at all, really.  At the time, Kichiro had been so adamant that it be kept a secret from Bellaniece that Gin had agreed.  She hadn't stopped to think about Cain's reasons or about why Cain did things the way he did.  So caught up in the idea of making sure that Bellaniece had a great birthday—one she'd always remember—Gin had agreed . . .

"I promised her, Gin . . . Right after she died, I promised . . . It was my fault, you see?  I'm the one who should have died.  Isabelle . . . I promised her I'd follow her because I . . . I couldn't save her . . ."

Pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes, Gin refused to let herself cry.  'Oh, Cain . . . but don't you see?  You did save a part of her, didn't you?  You really did . . .'

"Zelig will live, and Zelig will die, and all that will be said for him is that he held his damnable honor in the highest of regard, no?"

'That's what L'amont-san meant, wasn't it?  Cain's promise . . . He'll keep it because he made it so long ago . . . because he thinks he still owes Isabelle . . .'

Damnable honor . . . promises made . . . Where did any of that leave Gin?  Did it leave her anything at all?  Was there something that she just couldn't see, some way to make him wish for the things that she did?

Maybe there wasn't really a way.  Maybe there never had been.

"I don't understand why she hated me."

"She didn't hate you.  She just . . . I don't think anyone could ever really hate you."

Hadn't he looked sad when he'd said that?  Hadn't he looked as confused as she was?  It wasn't the idea that some strange woman had deliberately tried to hurt Gin.  There was something else about Cain's words, like he couldn't understand the reasons he would feel like he did at the time.

'What'll you do, Gin?  What will you say to him?'

She shook her head.  'His confession . . . It changes everything, doesn't it?  How can I fight against something that he views as being inevitable?  How can I compete with that?'

'Is it a competition to you?  Is Cain the prize?  Come on, doll, you know yourself better than that.'

She grimaced.  Yeah, she knew herself better than that.  She hadn't thought much about it, when Cain came into her life.  Compelled to be near him, drawn to him time and again, and she hadn't understood; no, she hadn't . . .

"There was just something about her . . . she drew me to her.  I don't know what you'd call it.  Lust?  Desire?  Love at first sight?  I had to have her.  I was . . . compelled . . . to be with her."

A sad little smile touched her lips.  That was how she had felt about him, in the beginning . . .

"I was selfish, and I was stupid, and like a bastard, I . . . I accepted what she offered."

Wincing at the accuracy of Cain's words, would he ever know, really?  She prayed he wouldn't.  She just couldn't tell him . . .

"It just chokes you.  I-i-it claws at you, and tears at you, and it stifles you so that you can't even breathe . . ."

She could understand that feeling.  She knew it a little too well.

'He's my mate,' her mind whispered.

'. . . Yes, he is.'

'What . . . What have I done?'

Her youkai sighed—a soft, tired sound.  'You did what you always do, Gin . . . You don't know how to do things in half-measures.  You don't know how to separate yourself from someone you care about, and . . .'

She drew a deep breath, careful not to disturb Cain, repressing the desire to scream, to vent her feelings that wouldn't change anything in the end.  'But what do I do?'

'That's simple, isn't it?  You smile, Gin.  You smile, and you laugh, and you convince him that you're fine—that you'll be fine—because he's lived with enough guilt to last him a lifetime or more already.  You'll be his baby girl because he needs you, and . . . and you make sure you make him smile, too.'

She closed her eyes for a moment, nodding slowly as she swallowed the rising lump in her throat.  'Because I . . . I love him . . .'

'Take what we can get, Gin, just don't ask him for things he can't give.  Take what we can get . . .'

Gin didn't need to hear the last of her youkai's statement.  A strange sense of finality seeped over her, and she nodded.

'Take what I can get . . . because in the end, I won't have anything at all . . .'


Bellaniece smiled as Kichiro pulled her close, as the reverberation of the music.  The lazy beat suited her.  Kichiro held onto her hips, pressed his against hers as he slowly leaned down to brush his lips across hers.  "Why, Dr. Izayoi . . . We're in public," she reminded him.

"It's dark in here," he replied, swaying her gently as he nuzzled her neck.

She closed her eyes and giggled.  "Oh?  So that makes it okay?"

His hand dropped to her thigh, caught the hem of her skirt and pushed it up.  Claws trailing over bare thighs, Bellaniece clung to Kichiro as he chuckled in her ear.  "Have I told you how hella sexy you are, Belle-chan?"

She shook her head—at least, she thought she had.  The red haze that enveloped her mind made it difficult to comprehend much of anything other than the feel of his teasing perusal.

He chuckled again.  "Do you want me to tell you?"

She nodded.

Hand squeezing her thigh . . . "From the moment I first saw you, I thought you were the hottest woman I'd ever seen."

Eyes closed as his fangs grazed over the soft flesh of her throat.  "You . . . did?"

Kneading her side, caressing her bottom as he ground his hips against hers . . . "Absolutely . . . Your lips . . . your neck . . . your hands . . . the girls . . . all hot as hell . . ."

"Mmm?"

Deliberately running his hand down her leg, he caught her knee and pulled it up to his waist as he rubbed against her, as she felt herself melting.  The chain reaction of her body to his made her shiver, and Kichiro laughed in an entirely proud way as he nipped her neck, as he lowered his face to blaze a trail from deep between her breasts back to her throat once more.

"Kichiro," she breathed, stubbornly hanging onto what was left of her sense of reason.  "We're in public . . ."

"Tell that to your pussy, then.  It's begging to be fucked."

She gasped as he slipped his fingers into her, absently noting that he wasn't holding her leg anymore.  No, she was the one who kept it raised, locked around him as he led her through the motions of dancing.

"Something wrong, princess?"

She tried to shake her head.  Somewhere in her befuddled mind, she realized the song had changed.  Grungier, darker, with a deeper beat, and he met it, matched it, pumping his fingers to the moody rhythm.

"Want me to fuck you?"

"Yes . . ."

"Here?  Now?"

"Yes . . ."

"You can't scream, Belle-chan . . . If you scream, they'll hear you . . ."

". . . Yes . . ."

The sudden sense of movement seemed to be an odd sensation as his fingers slipped out of her; as her skirt slipped down to cover her.  She whimpered in protest and forced her eyes open.  Kichiro was gazing at her with a strange mixture of desire and amusement lighting the depths of his golden eyes.  "Come on, little girl," he said as he took her hand and dragged her off the dance floor.

Bellaniece giggled.  If anyone near had noticed what she and Kichiro had been doing, they gave no indication.  It struck her again, just how very little humans really did notice.  Dulled senses, and maybe a small part of them just didn't really want to see anything outside their skewed perceptions.

Kichiro stopped beside a small booth in the darkest corner of the establishment.  He sat down with his back against the wall, feet up, spanning the length of the seat.  With a devilish grin, he dug a condom out of his pocket and held it out to her.  "You want to do the honors?"

Bellaniece glanced around, biting her bottom lip as she took the condom and straddled his legs, one knee bent so she could sit on his lap as he reached down and unfastened his pants.  "You sure you want to do this?" she couldn't resist asking when she noticed his shaking hands.  "We could get caught . . ."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're not the only people who couldn't wait to get home for this.  Now show me what you've got, princess."

She made quick work of rolling the condom into place, and Kichiro held her skirt up a little as she positioned herself over him and slowly sank down.

"Fuck," he moaned.  "Kami . . ."

Smothering a whimper as he grabbed her hips and forced her down hard, Bellaniece collapsed against him, and Kichiro heaved a sigh as he slid his hands under her, slowly lifting her up only to bring her back down hard again.  "Do I really have to do everything, wench?"

"But you do it so well . . ."

He snorted but didn't reply.  Bellaniece buried her face in the crook of his neck, gently sucking the roughened skin as a series of near-purrs rumbled out of her.  He pulsed in her, throbbed in her, and she ground her hips against his, savoring the sharp inhalation of breath as he tried to keep quiet, too.

He was her mate—her soul mate.  She wanted to be as close to him as she could possibly be, wanted to hold him near her, feel him flowing like water under her fingertips.  Did it matter if the expression of love came in a dimly lit dance club or in the confines of something more proper?  She supposed it didn't.  The only thing that mattered was that Kichiro wanted to be with her, wanted to show her how he felt, and that he didn't care if the entire world knew . . .

She could feel his body stiffening.  His hold on her was almost brutal.  If he remembered where they were, she wasn't sure, and she didn't care much, either.  He sought out her mouth with his, swallowing her cry as he slammed her down on him time and again.  He shuddered, moaned, body straining against hers.  She felt the violent jerk deep inside, spiraling her pleasure out of control as he groaned into her mouth, as she answered him with a stifled little scream.

He held onto her for what seemed like a very long time.  Well after her heart had slowed and calmed, as she leaned against him with a secretive smile toying with her lips.  She felt him kiss her forehead but he didn't seem to be in a hurry to relinquish his hold on her, either.

"I suppose I should be shocked that I let you do that to me," he remarked mildly, rubbing her shoulder when she giggled.

"What do you mean, you let me . . . ?  Right . . ."

"I was innocent," he complained without rancor.  "You're the one who couldn't control her urges."

Bellaniece rolled her eyes but didn't move away.  "You're such a dog."

"Does that make you my bitch?"

Bellaniece snorted and finally pushed herself up.  "Only when you bend me over."

He groaned.  "Damn . . ."

"You know, as much as I enjoy dancing . . . I think I'd like to go home now . . ."

"Home?" he echoed, his expression dubious at best as Bellaniece moved off him so he could put himself to rights.

"Yes, home . . . The home we'll be sharing when we're mates . . ."

He stopped for a moment before making a face at the used condom and taking the napkin Bellaniece extended to him.  "Oh, that one . . . We could do that."

She giggled and stood up, swaying precariously on her feet.  Kichiro caught her elbow and kissed her cheek.  "Let me get rid of this, and we'll see what we can do about taking the princess home."

Bellaniece watched him stride off toward the bathroom and sighed happily.

'You realize he's completely perverting you . . .'

Rolling her eyes at her prudish youkai, she giggled again.  'Don't be silly . . . There's nothing wrong with the things we do . . . We both enjoy it, and we're going to be together, anyway, so what's the problem?'

'I'll tell you what the problem is, Belle!  You're stringing him along, whether you mean to or not!  By not telling your father, you're making Kichiro take second place, and don't think he doesn't know that.  He's bent over backward for you.  Don't you think the least you could do is tell your father that you've found your mate?'

'Kichiro knows he isn't second to anyone,' she argued.

'Are you sure he knows that?  Haven't you ever wondered why he doesn't press the issue when you say you can't tell your father yet?'

'Kichiro knows that it isn't that simple.  He understands how I feel about Daddy, and—'

'And you've all but said that your father comes first.  Do you think Kichiro would really risk that?  He'd rather be in your life somehow than alienate you by making you choose.  Stop being a child, Belle.  Think about someone's feelings other than your own, will you?'

"You okay?"

Bellaniece started and blinked as she forced a smile and met Kichiro's gaze.  She hadn't heard him return.  "I'm fine," she assured him.

He didn't believe her.  She could see it in his eyes.  He also didn't press her, and she grimaced.  Her youkai's words were still too loud in her ears, too prevalent.  Letting him take her by the elbow to lead her out of the crowded club, he didn't try to speak until they were outside.  "Stay here while I hail a taxi."

"Kichiro?" she blurted, catching his hand.  "Can we . . .? I mean, would you mind if we walked?"

He shrugged and grinned, taking her hand as they started toward home.  "You going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"I was thinking . . . You're sure, right?  About my father and your sister?"

Kichiro snorted.  "I don't want to talk about Gin and your father . . ."

"If you're sure then maybe . . . Maybe it'd be easier for me to tell Daddy about us.  He wouldn't be alone, right?  And he might . . . want to stick around?  For Gin, I mean?"

Kichiro stopped and shot Bellaniece an apprehensive glance.  "Don't rush it for me."

She shook her head.  "But I thought—"

He sighed.  "Listen, princess: yes I want to be with you, and yes, I want you to tell your father, but . . . I know it's hard for you.  I'd do it if I didn't think you'd be furious.  Anyway, you're worth waiting for."

"You don't understand.  I want to tell him.  I want to be with you.  I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up with you in the morning . . ."

He pushed her hair out of her face and ran his thumb along her cheek.  "That'll be nice."

"Do you think . . . Do you think Daddy wants that?  To be with Gin like that?"

A shadow passed over Kichiro's expression, a foreboding cloud that he tried to hide.  "I don't know.  I hope so, for Gin's sake."

"Daddy wouldn't hurt her," Bellaniece assured him.

Kichiro tried to smile.  "I hope you're right."


Cain balanced the tray on his hip as he pushed Gin's bedroom door open and stepped inside.  True, it wasn't fancy or anything, but he had a feeling that Gin would be willing to eat the quick breakfast he'd prepared.  After returning to his apartment to make sure that Bellaniece didn't miss him, he'd taken a shower only to find a hurriedly scrawled note from his daughter on the counter: 'Went shopping with Dr. Izayoi.  Be home later.  Love, B.'

Brushing off the suspicion that maybe his daughter was spending a little too much time with Dr. Izayoi, Cain had slapped together a couple sandwiches in hopes of coaxing Gin to eat, and he'd headed right back over to the young woman's apartment.

"Come on, sleepyhead.  I made breakfast for you."

Gin groaned and rolled over, burying her face in her pillow.

Cain sighed and shook his head, setting the tray on the nightstand before gently tugging the pillow away from the girl.  "Not hungry," she mumbled, burying her face in her folded arms.

"Not buying," he countered, picking her up and sitting down with her tucked between his raised knees.  "Don't make me feed you."

"Later," she grouched.

"Wow, you woke up grumpy," he remarked.  "All right, if you say so.  I'll just eat the peanut butter sandwiches, myself."

Gin's ears twitched, and she stopped trying to hide her face.  "Peanut butter?"

Cain leaned over and grabbed a sandwich.  "That's what I said, baby girl.  Too bad you don't want any."

Gin wrinkled her nose and peeked up at him as he bit into the sandwich.  "I . . . I could eat a little bit . . ."

"Could you?  Because, you know, I wouldn't want to make you eat, and you did say you weren't hungry . . ."

She shrugged.  "A couple bites would be okay . . ."

Cain nodded as he retrieved another sandwich and slipped it into her hand.  "All right, I'll tell you what: eat what you can, and I'll eat the rest."

"Or," she suggested, holding the sandwich in both hands.  "I could eat what I can, and you could wrap the rest of it up for me to eat later."

He chuckled.  "I could do that."

She bit into the sandwich.

They ate in silence for awhile.  Gin must have been hungrier than she had let on because she finished hers and was busy eyeing Cain's.  Making a show of rolling his eyes, he held out the last quarter of his sandwich.  She took it and ate it, too, while Cain reached over to get the glass of milk for her.  "Okay, sandwich-swiper, drink this."

Gin made a face.  "That's milk," she complained.

"Yeah, so it is."

She shook her head.  "Milk's for pups."

"And for baby girls who don't eat for four days."

"I tried to," she grumbled but took the milk and sipped.

He sighed.  "Gin . . . Why didn't you eat?"

"I told you," she maintained slowly.  "I didn't feel so good.  It must have been the flu."

Cain grimaced.  Gin blinked innocently at him as she lifted the glass to her lips again.  Her tone had been convincing enough.  Had he been talking to her over the telephone, he might have believed her.  The flicker of guilt in her gaze, though . . . He hadn't missed that, and he slowly shook his head.  "You're getting better about lying," he told her sadly.   "I almost believed you."

She swallowed the last of the sandwich and drank the rest of her milk.  "I'm fine.  I just felt sick, is all.  It isn't a big deal, Cain."

Blinking in surprise as he stared at the girl who was studiously avoiding his gaze, he couldn't help the surge of panic that rolled through his gut, couldn't help but hear the other voice that had said the same damn thing . . .

"It isn't a big deal, Cain . . ."

He winced inwardly and looked away before Gin realized just what she'd said.

"It isn't a big deal . . ."

Wasn't it?  The lies . . . the sneaking around . . . the hiding?  

"It isn't a big deal . . ."

The sadness on Gin's face when he tried to tell her the truth that had been his prison for so long . . .

"It isn't a big deal . . ."

So why did he think that it was?