InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity ❯ Transformation ( Chapter 21 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

InuYasha shifted his position and frowned as he stared thoughtfully up the chimney. It was filthy. He'd noticed this before, but he'd put it off.  Now, since he really shouldn't leave his house for any reason tonight, he figured he might as well do something about it. The sun was starting to set, and he made a face of pure disgust. `I'll be human again soon,' he thought as he turned his head in time to avoid receiving a face-full of soot as he poked at a large chunk of built up ash. He had forgotten about the lunar calendar since he was supposed to give Kagome a self-defense lesson until Sesshoumaru had happily reminded him that tonight was the new moon. Damn that brother of his, anyway.

He poked at another clump of soot and turned his head in time to avoid it, too. But the ash hit him full-on, and he sneezed, which only served to unleash another round of dust. He hadn't noticed before, he thought darkly. The overly sensitive nose that helped him track down Naraku in the past was almost a hindrance here, in the modern world. Because of that, his first months had been torturous. So many convoluted scents, so many different aromas . . . It was nearly overwhelming.

The rest of the camping trip had been fairly uneventful. He'd gotten to carry Kagome around, and that, in his opinion, had been the main highlight of the excursion. He loved the way she willingly held onto him, her trust in him, the absolute belief that he would never let her fall. She was right.

He sighed. He knew he'd been looking forward to seeing Kagome today. He just hadn't realized how much until he had to call and cancel. `Sometimes,' he thought with a heavy dose of disgust as another lump of soot fell on him, `I really, really hate being half-human.' The image of Kagome's smile filtered through his mind, and he grinned. `Then again . . .'

The doorbell cut through InuYasha's otherwise dark thoughts, and he rolled to his feet with a grunt. He shook his head to get some of the soot out of his silvery hair and sneezed then sniffled as he opened the door.

Kagome jumped back as he sneezed, a concerned frown furrowing her brow as she cocked her head to the side. She held a huge bag, and she offered him a shy smile. "Nice," she commented, her grin widening. She was staring at his head. He reached up, trying to figure out what she was smiling about and realized it must have been the bandana he'd tied over his ears to keep them from getting sooty. With a flush, he yanked it off. He blinked in mute shock and didn't move.

"When you said you weren't feeling well, Mama asked me to check in on you," Kagome finally said as she lifted the bag in her arms slightly. "Can I come in?"

InuYasha still didn't speak though he moved aside to allow Kagome to pass. "Which way is the kitchen?" she asked with a flinch as InuYasha sneezed again.

He sniffled and pointed past her toward the back of the house. He followed her slowly, cautiously, as she strode purposefully in the direction of the kitchen. "All the windows," Kagome commented in a slightly awe-struck tone as she stared around the spacious house, "it's like you're still outside."

He'd noticed that, himself. Whomever Sesshoumaru had commissioned to build the house had done an excellent job. The kitchen and living room were one huge room with a high loft—his study—that covered most of it. Everything was trimmed in natural wood that matched the floor throughout. Open, airy, and, InuYasha figured, the only house he could imagine living in, the only thing missing in this place was her, Kagome. He watched as she started emptying the bags onto the counter. She belonged here, too.

She set the bag on the counter and started pulling things out. A couple cups of instant ramen noodles, a box of saltine crackers, a two liter bottle of clear soda, and a box of tissues . . .

Then she tossed the empty bag into the trash can and stepped closer to InuYasha who, much to his own chagrin, sneezed yet again. Kagome's cool palm pressed against InuYasha's forehead. He jerked back in surprise. "W-Wh-W-Wha-What are you doing?"

Kagome's smile slipped out despite her best effort to restrain it. She put her hand to his face again but this time, he didn't pull back. "You're a little warm. Not bad, though." She stepped away and crossed her arms over her chest. "Why don't you go lie down? I'll fix you some noodles, if you'd like."

"Keh! I'm not sick," he replied with an arrogant snort followed by another sneeze. He was hanyou, for the love of heaven, half-youkai. Youkai did not get sick. Ever. Only weak humans became ill. With an involuntary shudder, he recalled the time that Kagome had gotten really sick. Ill enough that he had taken her to her time willingly, he'd never been so worried for her. The Kagome he'd known then had been a fighter. But when she was sick . . .

He sneezed again, silently cursing the soot that had brought on the bout and shook his head to pop his ears. His head felt miserably thick, and he groaned softly.

Kagome's hands were suddenly wrapped around his right elbow. "Come on," she remarked as she tugged him forward. "You're going to lie down while I get this ready. No arguing."

"I'm a little dirty, if you haven't noticed," he remarked, hands on hips.

She stared at him, a thoughtful frown drawing her eyebrows together. "Why are you so filthy? You look like you've been rolling around in a fireplace."

He snorted. "Because I was cleaning that one," he said, jerking his head toward the huge hearth. The movement unsettled more soot, and the soot tickled his nose again, bringing on another round of sneezing. She flinched as he sneezed for the fourth time.

"Do you always clean things when you're sick?" she asked, her tone cautious, almost teasing.

"Keh!" The caustic sound was rather ineffective with the added stuffiness in his nose. He sniffled as she pulled a tissue out of the box and held it out. He took it grudgingly.

Her grin was soft, gentle. "Why don't you get cleaned up, and I'll make you something for your cold?" she offered.

He nodded. "Fine."

It occurred to InuYasha that Kagome wanted to take care of him as he headed toward his room to find some clean clothes. The idea was one that he liked. Had anyone ever fussed over him before? He sighed. Too depressing to think about, he decided as he marched into the bathroom.

Changing out of the sweatshirt and pants alleviated much of the soot that irritated his nose. Just removing those garments alone was enough to make him feel a little better despite the new bout of sneezing. He dropped the articles into the tan hamper and washed his face before dragging on the clean clothes. He untied the ponytail that held back the length of his hair and shook it out. That, along with the bandana, had saved him from having too much of the debris to deal with. A quick brushing got rid of the rest of the problem. By the time he wandered back to the main room, he was done and feeling much better.

"Finished?" she asked, glancing at him as she poured steaming water into a Styrofoam cup of ramen noodles.

"All cleaned up," he remarked, stifling another sneeze.

Dropping a hand towel onto the counter, Kagome headed toward him and paused only long enough to take his hands. "All right then, let's put you to bed." He grinned secretly and allowed her to lead him toward the hallway. She stopped suddenly, a comical expression of confusion filtering over her features, and she stared around herself with a heavy air of disgust. "Which one's yours?" she finally asked.

He nodded his head once, toward the one door at the end of the passage. She lifted her chin almost defiantly and dragged him forward again.

InuYasha watched in concealed amazement as Kagome tossed back the blankets on the bed he'd never slept in. She plumped up the pillows and stared at her accomplishment with a smile before gesturing at the bed and then at him. "Get in," she demanded in a tone that seemed to be braced for an argument. He nearly laughed. Instead, he did as he was told. Unsetting, it was, how nice it felt, to have her fussed over him. She dragged the covers up to his chin and felt his forehead again.

"I'll get your ramen," she explained as she stepped back.

`Why does Kagome's concern make me feel so good?' he wondered as he watched her retreat. `I shouldn't want to worry her. Still . . . when's the last time anyone cared enough to worry?' Making a face, InuYasha deliberately tried to think about something else. That train of thought wouldn't lead to any good memories, and he knew it. He tossed the covers off and rolled onto his side, propping his head on his arm as he waited impatiently for her to return.

Her footsteps on the hardwood floor were soft, whispering. She was smiling when she stepped back into the room. He reached for the Styrofoam cup but she didn't hand it over. Carefully she sat on the edge of the bed and drew up her legs beside her as she faced him, stirring the cup with a pair of chopsticks.

"I can feed myself," he commented more gruffly than he had intended.

Kagome shook her head. "When I was sick, Mama always fed me, even if I was able to do for myself."

"I'm not a pup," he grumbled as she extended some noodles on the chopsticks. He let her feed him, though, despite feeling a little stupid. Kagome giggled—a soft, warm sound. He decided that feeling stupid was secondary to the undeniable pleasure of hearing her laugh.

"How'd you know that I love ninja food?" he managed to ask between bites.

Lowering the chopsticks back into the cup for a moment, Kagome looked momentarily surprised by his question.  Then she shrugged.  "Ninja food?"  She giggled, flicking her hand as though to dismiss her own inquiry.  "Doesn't everyone?"

He let it go at that since he really had no idea what everyone else liked or didn't like.  Check that, he thought with a momentary grimace.  Kagura didn't seem at all impressed with the stuff, considering she rarely let Toga have it . . .

"Okay, so it's probably not the healthiest stuff," Kagome went on in a tone that sounded like she might well be making excuses to herself.  "But Mama said that it'd be okay—while you're sick, that is . . ."

"Ninja food's good for colds?"

She laughed.  "Probably not," she admitted at length.  "But you seem to like it, right?"

He swallowed hard and grabbed her hand as she held out another bite. The pulse in her wrist quickened under his touch, and her eyes flew to meet his. "Can I . . . Would you mind if I . . . lie in your lap?"

Kagome didn't answer. She scooted over though and sat back against the pillows that he'd vacated. He lay back down, resting his head in her lap. `Remember me, Kagome,' he willed her. She set the cup aside and frowned thoughtfully as she idly stroked his hair out of his face. His eyes drifted closed, and his low rumbling started again.

"You never finished telling me the story of the Shikon no Tama," she remarked quietly.

His eyes opened to fasten on hers. "What do you want to know about it? I thought your grandfather told you the story already."

Kagome shook her head slowly. "He has, but . . . when you tell it, I can see it, like I was there . . . with you." She giggled self-consciously, a light blush creeping over her cheeks. "That sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

He shook his head quickly. "It doesn't. Maybe we were there, together . . . in a different life."

Her smile spread to light her eyes, and she idly toyed with one of his ears. "So . . . will you tell me more?"

InuYasha sighed and forced his mind off of what she was doing. It was too nice, the feel of her fingers playing with his ear. "About what?"

"What happened to the miko?"

Mind still clouded by her methodical fingers, it took a moment for InuYasha to comprehend her question. "Which one?"

"The first one."

He sighed. He hated this part of the story. Hesitantly, softly, as though he was unsure if he should tell her anything at all, he began, "A man who wanted the jewel made a deal with youkai. He merged with them to create this being that was neither human nor youkai.  Guess you could say he was hanyou, but that wasn't exactly right, either . . ." Trailing off for a moment, InuYasha's scowl darkened as he considered the whole thing, and yet, there seemed to be a sense of separation to it all, too.  Maybe the thing was that now, he was looking at it all in retrospect, and that made a hell of a lot of difference . . . "Anyway, he made himself look like the hanyou. In the hanyou's form, he struck down the miko and stole the jewel. Then to complete the deception, the being took on the miko's form and shot arrows at the hanyou." He stopped, drawing a deep breath as the memories came back to him with a vengeance.

Kagome gasped softly. Whether she could feel the pain the memories caused him or if she just reacted on the idea that someone could do something like that, he wasn't sure. Her anger came through in her voice, indignant rage on behalf of the lovers in the tale? "The being was pure evil, wasn't he? I mean, what did he hope to accomplish?"

InuYasha's voice was soft, sad, and he repeated Naraku's words as the implications tore at him all over again. The distain, the hatred, the festering futility of the animosity that had been borne of lust ripped him open and left him raw. "He wanted to pollute the jewel. He wanted it to be tainted in malice."

Fingers stilled just for a moment, Kagome closed her eyes against the encompassing hurt, the agonizing betrayal.

With another deep breath meant to dull the ache inside, InuYasha cleared his throat before continuing the story, "The hanyou was confused, angry. He didn't understand why she would turn on him; why she came after him . . ."

"But she loved him . . ."

"Yeah. She loved him. It wasn't that . . ." trailing off with a sigh, InuYasha ran his hands over his face, as though he was trying to wipe away the hurt and bitterness that was resurrected with every telling of the story.

"You tell this story like you were there," she mused softly, a slightly pained smile that was completely at odds with the concern in her eyes.

He forced a wan smile for her benefit. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and he knew she saw right through it. He couldn't swallow the lump in his throat as started to speak again, not wanting to continue yet needing to tell her more. "He had made an agreement to meet the miko. She would bring the jewel, and he would use it to become human . . ." he trailed off with a sigh. Telling this story was difficult, painful, digging open wounds that were better left forgotten. How could it still hurt so deeply after so long had passed?

Still, Kagome wanted to know. With a deep breath, he continued, "The miko used the last of her strength to find the hanyou and seal him to Goshinboku with her sacred arrow. He was stuck there for fifty years. He wasn't alive or dead. He was just . . . there."

Kagome gasped softly, her brow furrowing in confusion. "But if the miko loved him, why would she want to change him? You don't ask that, if you really love someone.  If you really love someone, you love who they are—what they are. You don't ask them to be something they weren't meant to be."

InuYasha flinched. Kagome missed it. "She was the miko in charge of guarding the Shikon no Tama. So long as the jewel existed, she wouldn't be free to be with him, and he . . . he would have done anything for her. He would have given anything to belong with her."

"He really loved her," Kagome said. The catch in her voice was small.

InuYasha looked away. Memories converged into a tangled web, things that Kagome had never understood suddenly seemed to be clear to her, and yet there were things that she didn't know, things he hadn't gotten to tell her before. Small consolation that he could tell her now. The things she didn't remember were the things he'd never forget. "He loved them both," he whispered.

She frowned and shook her head, as though she didn't understand what he meant. "Both?"

He nodded but felt inept, trying to express what he meant and failing. "The miko who sealed him . . . and the miko who set him free."

"But, he couldn't have. You can't love two people at the same time."

InuYasha sighed, wishing he could better explain everything, wishing he was better with words so he could tell her exactly how it could be so. "Says who? And it wasn't the same. With the first miko, it was complicated."

"How could love be complicated?" Kagome challenged.

The gesture he made with his hands was borne of frustration, of his inability to express to her what he was trying to say. There were times when his forced isolation early in life showed itself. This was one of those times. He couldn't find the words to say, the ones to explain what he meant. Still, he tried. "He never . . . He couldn't trust her. She didn't do anything for him to distrust her so much. It's just that it was hard for him. But she gave him something that had been missing for a long time before that."

Her gentle fingers idly traced circles around the base of his ear. InuYasha had to force his eyes to remain open. "What did she give him?" Kagome finally asked. From the quiet tone in her voice, he could tell that she was hesitant to break the companionable silence that had fallen.

His smile was sad, ironic. When he thought back to that time, and to that place, it always left him feeling as though he had failed so miserably, failed Kikyou, and later, he'd failed Kagome, too. "She gave him hope. He didn't realize that until after the second miko had released him from the seal."

"I don't understand . . ."

He could feel the intensity of his own stare as he looked into Kagome's confused eyes. She really didn't understand, and for reasons that he didn't want to dwell on, InuYasha was desperate for her to know. "Don't you? It was that hope that let the hanyou trust the second miko."

Kagome sighed, her eyes still clouded in confusion. "Why couldn't the hanyou trust anyone?"

He shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant show. His tone was casual, maybe a little too casual. "He never knew his great youkai father. He died protecting the hanyou's mother. Then his mother died when the hanyou was young. He spent his childhood being chased away from humans because he was half-youkai. Then he was chased by the youkai because he was half-human, and because of who his father was. There was never anyone he could trust, until Ki—the first miko."

"That's . . . so sad," she whispered. He could see in her expression sorrow for the hanyou who had no one. He looked away. She cleared her throat and went on, "And the second miko? You said he loved them both. Why did he love her?"

InuYasha's grin was bittersweet, sad. Kagome didn't notice it. "Lots of reasons, none more important than the others. She made him smile. She trusted him, for no real reason at all. She taught him how to have friends, how to accept himself for being who he was instead of hating himself for not being able to be what he wasn't," voice soft, eyes closed, InuYasha couldn't look at her, couldn't stand to see that she didn't know that he was talking about her.

Kagome shook her head slowly, her fingers still idly toying with his ear. "But she's the one who broke the jewel."

"Not on purpose. She wouldn't have done it on purpose."

She laughed softly. "You're quick to defend her. She sounds a little clumsy."

He grunted tersely, almost embarrassed, maybe.  "I just understand what the hanyou saw in her, I guess," he muttered as a flush stole up his cheeks. He cleared his throat and continued, "But the two of them started traveling together, seeking out the jewel shards that the miko could sense. A kitsune joined them, then a human monk, and finally a taijya."

"Monk . . . Miroku."

InuYasha's heart seemed to plummet to his feet at her softly uttered words. Her eyes had a faraway, almost vague expression in them. "What did you say?"

Kagome started, her eyes cleared, and she blinked quickly as she stared down at him. "What? I didn't say anything . . . did I?"

She knew exactly what she had said, InuYasha realized. She was afraid to tell him what she knew. "You said a name," he countered gently.

She retrieved the cup of Ramen from the nightstand and briskly stirred the noodles. "You're probably still hungry, aren't you?"

InuYasha rolled onto his side and propped his head up. His elbow spanned her legs, and his eyes locked on her face. He didn't say anything as she fed him a few bites of the food. The entire time she stared into the cup unless she was offering him the noodles. She stared down at the chopsticks as her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip. Torturous images flashed through his mind, visions of Kagome and those teeth . . . InuYasha ruthlessly pushed the visions aside and concentrated on chewing the food she offered.

"You smell nice," he commented softly before she could stuff another mouthful in.

Kagome's eyes flashed up to meet his. Her eyes widened in alarm, and she gasped then choked out a small scream as she jerked her legs up and pushed herself back with her feet. The cup of soup fell from her fingers, and she screamed once more when the warm liquid drenched the front of her blouse. The white blouse instantly plastered against her skin, and InuYasha's eyes bulged at the translucent material. Every ridge, every hollow was visible. A strange growl forced its way out of his throat. He forced his eyes upward.

"You . . . what happened to you?"

Kagome stared at him in something akin to horror. It wasn't until InuYasha sat up and his hair fell over his shoulder that her words made sense. The glossy black locks spoke volumes. He stifled a groan. He'd transformed right in front of her very eyes and hadn't realized what was happening.

"You're human?" she gasped as she leaned forward to tug on the long hair beside his ears. He let her turn his head from side to side and stifled the urge to sigh as she tugged gently on his ears, as though to make certain they were really attached. "You really are human, aren't you?"

InuYasha sat back, his eyes cast down at his folded legs. He had ramen noodles all over him, and the bed was a covered, too. For the moment, he ignored the mess and concentrated on keeping his eyes off Kagome's blatantly obvious curves. "For the night, anyway," he grumbled.

"What does that mean?"

He let a frustrated growl escape and sighed. "I turn human every night of the new moon."

"So . . . you've been human before? Why hide it? From me, I mean?"

He didn't like the sad, hurt expression on her face. It reminded him too much of a time when that same look had nearly brought him to his knees. He'd admitted more to her in that one night than he had ever admitted to another living soul. Maybe it was that night over two years ago that he had first started to rely on her. `No,' he thought with a rueful smile. It was definitely that night that had changed him.

Kagome shifted so that she was kneeling on her knees. She reached out and gently lifted his chin to meet his gaze. "You're the one who saved me that night, on the overpass. I thought I knew you . . ."

He didn't deny or confirm her suspicions. Instead, he took the cup and began scooping up the spilled noodles. When she realized that he had no intention of answering her question, Kagome snorted and snatched the cup out of his hands only to drop it on the nightstand with a dull thump. "Was it you? Did you save me?"

"Kagome, I . . ." He gulped for air as he stared at her, leaning toward him, questions in her gaze. The light from the lamp beside the bed shined through her blouse. He wanted to reach for her, to drag her into his arms, to kiss her senseless. He looked away instead.

She leaned forward, brushing her lips over his cheek. Then she sat back just as quickly as warm color filtered over her skin. "Thank you," she said simply, scrambling off the bed. "Where's your extra sheets?"

InuYasha didn't answer. He could only stare at her retreating form as a bright smile lit the depths of his gaze.