InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Purity ❯ Confusion in Memories ( Chapter 27 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kagome rolled over in bed and stared at the ceiling with a marked frown. `If the answers to my troubles were written there,' she thought as she made a face, `I'd be ahead of the game.'

She ought to be happy, shouldn't she? She'd just spent the better portion of the weekend with InuYasha, and that alone should make her deliriously pleased. Yet she couldn't even muster a smile. Why was that?

InuYasha's kisses . . .

With a frustrated sigh, Kagome rolled again and smashed her face into a pillow. He had told her that he loved another, hadn't he? InuYasha's words echoed through her mind. `She . . . She forgot about me, about us.'

And still, he kissed her. Why?

There weren't any answers, as far as Kagome could tell. There were only more and more questions; questions that InuYasha made her forget when he was close to her, when he kissed her.

The memories of those kisses were enough to make her blush. As though someone could see into her mind, Kagome protected those memoirs with a viciousness that surprised her. Was she so afraid that someone would come and take the recollections? She gasped softly and sat up, holding the blanket to her chest as though to reign in her wildly thumping heart. That was what she feared. But why?

A sudden chill raced up her spine. Kagome rubbed the goose bumps off her arms. Almost a sense of déjà vu, echoes in her mind, confusion warred with the truths that she knew. Why would she feel like someone had taken her memories before? Like the same person had the power to do it again? A disturbing sense that she wasn't completely whole welled up inside her. Kagome tried to push the idea aside.

The only time she felt truly complete was when she was with InuYasha. Why was that? He had walked her home after Sesshoumaru came for the children. As she left him to go in the shrine, she had felt as though every step she took made a small piece of her heart fall away . . . Why was it that every time she left him, she felt like she'd never see him again?

Just last night she'd been in his house, in his bed. Kagome frowned. `How did I get there? I fell asleep in that chair . . .' Slowly, it came back to her. He'd lifted her out of the chair, had carried her over to the bed. He laid her down, gently, carefully, as though he hadn't wanted to wake her. She had opened her eyes long enough to see him smiling down at her in the moonlit room. Had she smiled back? Yes, she had, and then he had kissed her. With a touch that was almost like the draw of a feather over her lips, he had kissed her. The memory was enough to set off an explosion of tremors in her belly, a heat that suffused through her body.

As quickly as the image came, it was replaced by another one. She sat in a hot spring with a girl she didn't recognize but felt as though she ought to. `Have you told him how you feel, Kagome?'

Kagome studiously avoided the other girl's probing gaze. `How can I? Every time I start to, he runs off after her.'

`But—'

`I'll tell him when you tell Miroku how you feel.'

The other girl fell silent, obviously as unwilling to admit her true feelings to Miroku as Kagome was to admit her feelings to . . . who? The vision faded, and Kagome blinked in sudden confusion. What was that all about, and who was that girl?

"Sango," Kagome whispered into the quiet room. The name struck a chord deep inside, and Kagome gasped softly. Sango . . . Miroku . . . They were her friends . . . But where were they now?

`Nothing makes sense!' she railed, punching her fists into her pillow though garnering no real comfort from the action. Not one little bit of it made any sense to her at all.

With a disgusted sigh, Kagome flopped back, her breath escaping in a whoosh. Who was this woman InuYasha loved? What if her wish came true and this woman came back to him, remembered him? What then? The thought of what would inevitably happen was enough to force her soul to whimper. Kagome turned onto her side, curling up with her knees against her chest as an unpleasant hurt unfurled inside her.

`But he isn't mine, not really. Is he?' she asked herself as tears welled in her eyes. She blinked in an effort to force them back. It didn't work. A tear slipped from each of her eyes, snaking silvery trails in the moonlight.

The muted knock on her window made her jump. Kagome quickly dashed a hand across her eyes to hide the evidence of her tears. She sat up, surprised to see InuYasha kneeling on the roof outside her room. She stumbled across the floor and threw open the window. "InuYasha? Is everything all right?"

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped, his head tilting to the side so that the moonlight filtered past him and lit her face. His expression was nearly hidden in shadows but she could see the glow of his eyes, the twisting of his eyebrows that showed his concern. With a hesitant finger, he reached out and traced the path the tear had coursed down her cheek.

Kagome caught his hand and tugged gently. Instead of stepping into her room, though, he pulled her toward the window and out onto the roof. She squeaked as she glanced over the edge of the roof at the ground so far below. He caught her and held her. She immediately relaxed. Even here, where she could easily slip and fall, did she trust that he would never let that happen to her?

She did, she realized with a sudden lurch of her heart. She absolutely, completely, undeniably trusted him. He pulled her back away from the edge and sat down only to drag her into his lap after he settled against the window outcropping. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder, the soft material of his shirt soothing her. "Why did you come?" she asked softly, struggling to stay awake. `Being held so close to InuYasha is entirely too nice,' she thought with a vague smile.

InuYasha sighed. It was more of a deep exhalation than a show of emotion, and she smiled as she felt his lips on her forehead and snuggled closer to his chest. `He's as content to stay here like this as you are,' her mind told her. Her smile widened.

"I couldn't stay away," he admitted. "I felt like I needed to be near you."

"I'm glad you came," she assured him, snuggling closer to him.

He hugged her tighter. "Will you tell me why you were crying?"

She made a face and sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. The loss of his warmth made her shiver slightly but she stubbornly refused to be drawn back to him. He waited patiently for her answer. "I wondered about this woman who forgot you. What happened?" InuYasha was staring at her. She could feel his eyes probing her head, like he was trying to read her mind. She fought the urge to fidget under his close scrutiny. "If you don't want to tell me, I understand," Kagome said quietly.

He shook his head, sighed heavily. He looked away, as though he couldn't bear to look at Kagome when he answered. "She thought there was someone else," he replied, his tone clipped, angry. The raw hurt behind his words tore at her heart, ripped at her soul. "She did something stupid, and then she forgot about me."

"What did she do?" Kagome pressed though she was afraid to hear his answer.

"Keh!" InuYasha snorted. "Nothing. It was just stupid."

Kagome sighed softly. "If it was stupid, then why does it hurt you?"

He didn't look as though he was going to answer. He stared off into the distance with an intense glower. Was he looking for answers that he couldn't find, either? "I ask myself why she doubted me. I ask myself what I could have done differently so that she might have stayed with me. I'd ask her, if I could."

A lump welled up in Kagome's throat. In that moment, in that instant, she could feel how much InuYasha loved this faceless woman, this one who had somehow hurt him. Was she simply being selfish? What sort of reason did she have, for doing this to him? Blinking back a wash of tears, Kagome forced herself to ask him, "Then what are you doing with me? If you love her, shouldn't you go find her?"

Against her better judgment, she let him draw her back against him. Stubbornly refusing to let her tears fall, Kagome bit her bottom lip and waited for his answer. "Don't be an idiot. I'm here with you because I want to be, because you . . . you make me happier than I deserve to be."

She shook her head slowly in confusion. She felt as though her heart was being crushed. Why did he say such things to her when it was painfully obvious that he still loved this other woman? "And if she suddenly remembers you?"

InuYasha let his forehead drop against hers. His eyes were closed but his heart was there in his voice when he spoke. "Then I'll still be here with you, Kagome. I promise you."

She wanted to believe him. He sounded so earnest, so true . . . could she afford to believe him? A small cry escaped her as she thought of the alternative, of a life without InuYasha. The thought of it hurt even more than the idea that he might love someone else. She couldn't afford not to believe him.

His hands rubbed her arms, and he leaned back slightly, a thoughtful frown furrowing his brow. "Come on. You're cold." Dragging her to her feet, InuYasha carefully lifted her and carried her back to the window. He didn't set her down until he reached her bed. Then he sank down beside her and pulled her close.

"You can't stay!" Kagome pointed out.

InuYasha kissed her gently. She was rational enough to realize that he had done so to shut her up. She was bemused enough not to care. "I'll go after you're asleep," he told her.

She snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth that radiated from him to surround her. "Okay," she agreed. "InuYasha?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you tell me more about the Shikon Jewel?"

Idly, he wrapped her hair around his hand. His sigh told her that he didn't want to. But his voice was low, soft, soothing when he spoke. "It took them a long time to find all the shards. There were a few that they couldn't get back, though. A wolf youkai had a couple of them in his scrawny legs. The slayer's brother had one in his back that kept him alive. But the rest, they gathered and saved . . . The first miko though, had been brought back to life—"

"How?"

He sighed. "A witch who was versed in the dark arts resurrected her by making a clay body out of grave soil and the miko's remains. Anyway, the first miko took the shards from the second and gave them to the evil one. She wanted to destroy him and the jewel together, you see?"

Kagome sighed, her expression bleak. "It must have been hard for him, to have his first love resurrected like that."

She felt his lips on her forehead. "Not so hard as it was to see how much it upset the second miko. The hanyou hated to hurt her like that."

Remembering what he had said before, about loving them both, Kagome smiled sadly. "Because he loved her, too?"

"Because he loved her more."

She digested that with a small smile before asking, "And he protected her, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did."

"I wonder if he had cute ears, like yours? If he did, I don't think the second miko could have helped herself. She'd have to love him . . ."

"I don't think it was his ears," InuYasha grumbled. Kagome could tell from his disgruntled tone that he was blushing.

"I love how you tell this story. It's like I can see it . . . Like you're the hanyou, and I'm . . ."

"You're what?"

She missed the breathless quality behind his voice. She giggled self-consciously. "Well, like I'm the second miko, the one he protected. Sound stupid?"

He squeezed her tighter. "Not at all."

"Do you think they stayed together? After they destroyed the evil? The stories I hear never really say . . ."

He sighed softly. "What do you think?"

She shrugged but still snuggled closer to him. "I think they found a way to be together. I think the miko only wanted to be with him. I think he made her happy."

Kagome was struck by the rawness in InuYasha's voice when he finally spoke. "I think . . . she made him happy, too."

She leaned away to look at his face. Indiscernible in the darkness, the only thing she could see was the glittering light reflected from his eyes. "InuYasha? Are you all right? You sound . . . strange."

"Keh.  Aren't you tired yet?"

She grinned, reassured by his normal gruff tone. "Yeah . . ." She lay back down with a contented smile. But another thought nudged its way into her mind, and she couldn't help but ask, "What about—?"

He cut her off with another kiss. This one, though designed to shut her up, clouded her mind and made her want to melt into him. She sighed against his lips. He moaned against hers. She put her hand to his heart and smiled inside at the erratic beating under her fingers. His heart hammered against her hand. Hers felt like it was going to explode inside her. Desire tempered by the sweetness of his sighs. He amazed her.

He pulled away and cleared his throat but didn't let go of her. "Go to sleep, Kagome," he said, an odd catch in his voice. "I can't leave until you do."

The fingers of sleep tugged at her but she resisted long enough to say, "I don't want you to leave, InuYasha . . . you belong here . . . with me."