InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Raven Moon ❯ I Am ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't want to. This story and plot, however, are mine.

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"You... girl..." he murmured, and Kagome leaned into the sound of his voice rippling over her.

"You're so stupid."

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"Thank you… for saving Kaede," she whispered, squeezing his hand gently.

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Raven Moon: Ch. 3, I am

Author: Cyan I'd

Betas: Special thanks to Alex and Sashi

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She stared up at the boy, distantly aware of the chill of his skin seeping into her fingertips, knowing somewhere deep inside that this was very dangerous. All thoughts were scattered when he roughly threw her aside, face first into the shallow and icy waters of death. She gasped, recoiling instinctively from the bitterly cold liquid. It felt like countless tiny knives all lacerating her skin and pulling her apart. She bit back a scream and hauled herself unceremoniously onto all fours, ready and willing to give the stupid boy a lecture he wouldn't forget - at least, not until his ears stopped ringing.

Imagine her surprise when, upon looking up, she found he was not quite where she left him. Instead, he was a few feet away, back pressed against the icy barrier between the in-between and true death with the corpse she pulled into death on top and doing its very best to choke him. His struggles made little ripples along the water that rolled lazily towards the miko-in-training.

"H-hang on!" she said, pulling herself up and taking two staggering steps towards the pair. That's as far as she got before his voice stopped her in her tracks.

"You're such a-fuck, just stay back!"

He managed to pull one leg up under the bloated stomach of the corpse, followed by the other; with a fluid coiling and uncoiling of muscles that reminded Kagome very much of a cat, he threw the corpse away from himself. It landed all wrong on the ice not too far away, tumbling with a sick crack and crunch of bone. The head twisted to the side nearly backwards.

"Oh…" Kagome promptly turned several unflattering shades of green.

"Oi," the boy prompted. Numb, Kagome glanced his way, one hand drawn to her lips. He stared back, still lying flat against the ground with his arms akimbo, head tilted her way. He blinked at her, then scoffed softly. "Death's lighting sucks on you."

"Shut up. Like you look any better," she scowled, crossing her fingers behind her back; he did look better, actually. Set against the cloudy white of the ice, his complexion seemed less pale, more lively… or maybe that was because of the fight?

"You gonna finish that?" he asked, staring back calmly - as if she'd never even baited him. She would have snapped back with something witty and remarkable, had she not been so busy looking dumbfounded.

"Wha…?"

The scraping of bone against something solid coupled with the rustling of clothing answered the question for her.

"You mean it's still alive?!" she squeaked, whirling on the stirring corpse.

"Of course not. It's dead. That's the problem."

The creature mewled pitifully, trying to use twisted, broken arms to push its body upright again. It succeeded in getting its arms anchored underneath, hauling itself up, but the moment it tucked a leg under to stand the muffled sound of grinding bone and an unpleasant squishing permeated the unnatural silence of the place.

"Whuh-what am I supposed to do?" she squeaked, drawing back. The corpse, meanwhile, gave up on standing and resorted to dragging its mangled parts along by its hands. A trail of black blood smeared the ice behind it, doing nothing to obscure the dark shadows growing in size and number beneath it. With a sick chill, Kagome recognized them from before - from when she'd first risked a look into the murky waters of true death. Were they… being drawn towards life, somehow? Was the very presence of that thing rousing them from below?

"Send it back, just like you did before," the boy ordered softly, his head still tilted her way from his position on the ice. He never once even blinked at the shuffling corpse, or the dead spirits gathering beneath it.

"But… but I can't…" Kagome trailed off, fighting an intense shiver that started in her heart and moved to her fingers.

"Yes you can. You did it before. Can't you feel that? Its energy - it's the exact same as that youkai you fought. This is its master."

"How did you-?" Kagome gasped sharply, cutting a glance at the sprawled boy. He was giving her a small, bitter smile, lips pulled over elongated canines and eyes flat and lacking any depth. The light didn't even catch in them… and he was so very pale. Not for the first time, she wondered which of her two `companions' posed the greater threat.

"I know you can… I felt her die the last time," he said, and Kagome tore her gaze away with a shudder.

She squared her shoulders, set her hips, nervously flexed her fingers, and reached out for that familiar cold wash of energy. Black spots danced in front of her eyes as a headache gripped her, nearly forcing her to her knees. Death was much stronger here, it seemed. In hindsight, she should have expected that, but she still wasn't prepared for the nearly doubled wash of energy. Of course, that made what came next a simple matter. No more than a sigh fluttered past her lips as she pulled the undead spirit into death, its screams and shrieks echoing dimly in her ears.

She didn't remember falling, only closing her eyes for the briefest of moments, and when she opened them - well, that boy was standing over her, expression blank, hair a black curtain… had she passed out?

"You dead?" he asked, and Kagome grimaced, pressing a hand to her forehead. Her head pounded furiously, and there was a vile taste in the back of her throat - not to mention the fact that her skin felt like it had been stretched and shrunk all at once.

"I'm just peachy…" she croaked, swallowing thickly.

"Peachy…?" he echoed, confused. She didn't bother to explain. Already she could feel a distant warmth thrumming in her veins… she was drifting back into life, and not a moment too soon. If he knew that, he gave no indication.

"Your name," she said.

"What?"

"What's your name?"

Drifting between existences was never something she'd get used to. It felt like spinning and tumbling. It was a bruising and enlightening experience, and probably something that would be happening more often than not nowadays.

"…Inuyasha."

But she was thankful for the tickle of grass on her cheek and the back of her hand. She was thankful for birdsong and sunshine, and even for the worried voice of the perverted monk. These things all meant that she was alive, where she belonged, where things were safe.

"Inuyasha? I see… thank you… for saving me."

Something dark and heavy settled in her stomach. She should be so happy she was leaving the chill water of death behind, but she couldn't shake a sort of guilty sadness. She watched him until he faded from view, and he looked so… lost.

"It must be so lonely there," she said.

Somehow, she felt bad to be leaving him.

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"Kikyou…" it smiled softly, fangs curving over its blue-tinged lips. It'd felt her… it was sure… so very sure.

"Kikyou, I thought you died."

"She did die."

The other's voice was flat and hard, but after all this time, it knew it. It knew the subtle intonations and pitches that boy used when he was angry, sad, lost, confused…

"Then her soul is back, you know. Is that very fair?" it asked, curling its fingers on the ice. The slight motion sent ripples of frigid water rolling away.

"…no, it's not," he answered, and sounded very tired, every bit as old as he was.

"Don't let her be, Inuyasha. Surely you felt it too…"

An indelicate snort. "Of course," he said.

"Silly girl, she doesn't understand what she's doing. But, then again, she never did."

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"Kagome-sama… Kagome-sama!"

Someone was shaking her roughly. She irritably tried to swat them away, but this person was outrageously persistent - couldn't he see she was trying to sleep here?!

"Ka-go-me-sama."

Then, there was a lovely hard jab right in her side. With an indignant squeak, Kagome opened her eyes, blinking against the sun. Grass tickled the backs of her arms, which felt unnaturally heavy. She swallowed and grimaced, tasting something bitter in the back of her throat, and bit back a groan as all the aches and pains that had settled in her muscles over the last few days made themselves known. She angled a glare at the priest, who stood over her, his Shakujou gripped tightly in one hand. Evidently, he'd jabbed her with it.

"What?" she muttered, pulling herself up.

"You are alright, then? That's good to see," Miroku said, offering her a hand. After a suspicious glance, she accepted, allowing the monk to pull her to her feet. She blinked and looked around, warily watching for any sign of danger. The trees were rustling softly in the breeze, the long grass swaying, but there was no sign of their undead assailant.

"The…?" she started, but Miroku waved her off.

"It's dead, don't worry."

"It was dead before."

"Yes, but now it's dead dead."

Kagome made her way towards the still corpse, her first few steps shaky. She swallowed thickly as the smell became stronger, fought the urge to turn her eyes away, and forced her new-found senses to come to life. Sure enough, she found no trace of that strange energy that had laced its limbs and brought them to life - only the distant mournful calling of icy waters and grey, endless horizons. She swiftly closed her mind to the whispers, unnerved by how comfortable she was becoming with the sensation of death.

"What happened?" she inquired, keeping her distance.

"You dropped, then it dropped, then I woke you," Miroku shrugged.

"That's it?" Kagome asked, incredulous. "But it took much longer to…"

At his slanted glance, she waved him off. "Nevermind."

Miroku thought about pursuing the argument for a moment, but decided to let it go in the end. If he pushed the subject, he'd be pushing the girl - and that certainly wouldn't help him gain her trust any. And he did have to gain her trust, otherwise he wouldn't be able to help her.

They walked in silence for some time with only the sound of their feet rustling the grass and the wind jangling the leaves. Kagome watched her feet, her mind far away and beyond this world, where that boy waited… just who was he? What was he? He didn't feel `undead', but he didn't feel living either. Actually, if she had to guess, Kagome would say he belonged right where he was - suspended between the realm of the living and that of the dead. But… that seemed so lonely. Nothing could make such a sad existence right. To spend even a week in that place would probably drive her past the bounds of sanity.

Great. So, potentially, she could be dealing with a crazy not-quite-dead but not-quite-living human boy with a fizz of youki in his aura and potentially homicidal tendencies?

"Kagome-sama…" Miroku started tentatively.

"…whuh?" was her intelligent reply.

"Kagome-sama, I wanted to… discuss something with you."

"No, I will not bear your child."

"I-what?!"

Miroku stopped short, his staff jangling with the sudden movement. He blinked at her with wide, surprised eyes, to which she rolled her own. Hands firmly planted on her hips, head tilted to the side, she said hotly, "Right, you're so very innocent."

"But I… I didn't…" he spluttered, and Kagome sighed.

"No, but I overheard you with some of the village girls before we had our talk with Mama."

Miroku cleared his throat and straightened with a blank expression. He continued forward, muscles tense and face passive. Kagome wondered if maybe she had actually managed to insult him. She hurried forward, worrying her lip quietly and trying to brush aside the guilt that washed over her. What's the big deal? He's a perverted priest, and I called him on it. No need to feel bad… right?

"As I was saying, miko-sama. I wish to help you as much as possible, but as a man of flesh and blood, I only know so much - death is a realm beyond me."

Kagome watched him carefully, her brow creased in worry. Something in his inflection, laced in the words themselves - death is a realm beyond me - hinted at things both dark and troubling. It seemed there was more to it… almost like an unspoken `yet'.

"But I do know this - the nature of death is like a pool of water. A disturbance in one place sends ripples across all time, and all things that have the power to be aware learn of it. There is no doubt in my mind that your… experiences in the other world have already roused the attention of many things wicked and powerful. No matter what path you choose, miko-sama, be careful of your steps."

Kagome slowed, faltered, stopped. Miroku was surely aware of her absence, but he carried on nevertheless, making his way towards the village and the shrine. With one small, white hand curled to her chest, she watched him leave, struggling to swallow the tears and fears that rose in her throat. He had no idea how right he was… death was a shallow pool, and she herself had seen the ripples cascade away…

What have I gotten myself into?

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"Have you got enough, Kagome?" her mother asked, worrying her lip. Enough what? Kagome wanted to ask. She didn't, though, choosing to lay her small hands over her mother's to still them. The older woman had been wringing them ever since Kagome returned with Miroku and briefly explained what happened and what was planned.

"Yes, mama, don't worry. I'm all set," she assured. Something within, buried and childish, was annoyed with her mother, annoyed that she herself was whispering gentle and encouraging words while her stomach did flips and various aerobics. Wasn't this supposed to work the other way around? Mother takes care of child until mother is old and wrinkly and senile. It had to be the seventeenth law of nature, or something.

Higurashi-sama sighed, turning away to furiously blink back tears that were building steadily as time passed. An insistent pressure also pounded behind her eyes, signaling a massive migraine in the near future. She felt her daughter's hands slip off her own, and noted how smooth and inexperienced they were compared to her own rough and weathered fingers.

"…Mama?"

Higurashi straightened and quickly swiped at her eyes. They suddenly felt sore and dry, like she hadn't slept in weeks, and the lack of transition was jarring. Of course, she put on her bravest face, a wobbly smile that stretched the skin at the corners of her eyes uncomfortably tight. Really, she must look so old and worn… she felt like her skin was made of burlap, and had to fight the self-depreciating laugh that nearly bubbled up with that thought. "Kagome, I…" her voice failed, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "I just…"

Kagome's face fell into something sad and understanding, letting her fingers slip loose from the bag she was packing. The torchlight flickered across her mother's face, creating shadows and darkness that seemed unnatural on a woman so full of life and caring for others. Ignoring the twitching shadows that spilled across the ground, Kagome closed the distance and curled into her mother's open, waiting arms.

"I know, Mama… I know," Kagome sighed. She felt her mother's fingers in her hair, massaging her scalp, comforting and maternal, and sighed heavily. She didn't want to go, really, she didn't. But she wanted to die at the hands of something dead and rotten even less. There was simply no choice in the matter.

"A woman I know, miko-sama, in a faraway village… she is the only person that might be able to prepare you for the trials ahead."

Irrationally, Kagome blamed the monk. All this trouble started when he approached the village's territory… right? Wrong.

"Kagome, come here, just for a second. I know you have to get going, but I want you to come with me, just momentarily. Please?"

Kagome watched her mother, watched the limp black hair slide across her pale forehead, let her eyes trace the lines of worry and care in her mother's face. The woman had so much character. Funny how she missed that before. Did it really take the very real and frightening reality of imminent death to make her appreciate the things she had in life? Her face flushed with shame as she nodded, embarrassed that her mother would ask her permission to take her somewhere, to do something for her. That was the great miko's way. She never demanded, almost never asked for anything - but when she did, it was a soft and light request, easily refused but always granted. Everyone knew Higurashi-sama. Feathery voice, gentle hands, kind eyes - of course they knew her well. She watched over their village for years from the temple that crested the hill. She treated their wounds and tended their children. She blessed their houses and served as the guardian watching their worlds with care and devotion.

As Kagome followed her mother out of the temple, she watched the faces of the people seeking refuge inside. Love. Awe. Gratitude. Thankfulness. Comfort. The people loved her mother, perhaps just as much as she. Their smiles and murmured thanks only reinforced the idea that she could never, ever even live up to her mother's shadow.

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Kagome adjusted the pack on her back, her hair falling into her face. Miroku continually slipped backward glances at her, studying the slant of her shoulders, the way she dragged her feet, everything. His expression tightened and folded in on itself. He tightened his grip on his staff.

And poor, poor Tanuki plodded on, valiantly tugging his master's wagon despite the rather steep incline of the hill they traveled. His breath came in short puffs, his muscles strained, and he wondered why, oh why did he travel with Miroku-sama?

The nagging presence of the village pressed at her back. She knew it was behind her, growing farther and farther away, and the urge to look was almost overpowering. Her home. Her home, where she had spent her whole life. She wanted so badly to just turn around and run straight back into her mother's arms, hear the greetings of the villagers, the familiar twists and turns of dusty dirt roads. Maybe, just one last look, a little goodbye? After all, who knew when she could come back. Who knew if she could. This might be the last time she ever saw her village again.

But if she looked, she knew what she'd see. Just past a grassy plain, under a blue sky lazily painted with drifting grey cloud, the village - small roofs clustered in small sections, a ribbon of beige winding between them, the ornate temple perched at the top of an overlooking hill…

And it would be so very, very far away.

She dug her nails into her palms and bit her lip, stubbornly gluing her eyes to the ground. Her features twisted bitterly and her footfalls became just a little harder on the packed trail. No, she wasn't stomping, that would be childish. She was simply… well…

"Oomph!"

Kagome barely caught her balance on her trailing leg, staring up in surprise at the broad, warm something that she'd run into.

"H… Houshi-sama?" she stammered. He stared down at her, expression unreadable, feet set wide and shoulders squared. She wondered briefly if he was still upset about her comments earlier, seeing as she had yet to apologize. On the tail of that thought came another, more chilling one: how safe was it to travel with a man she barely knew, priest or no priest?

"I… you're in my way, houshi-sama," she asserted, growing a little angry with her circumstances. Really, this was hard enough… he wasn't going to cause her trouble, was he?

"Quit pouting, miko-sama. You're not a child any longer," he replied calmly in that infuriatingly smooth and emotionless voice. She clenched her fists hard. She barely felt it when her knuckles popped.

"Will you just shut up! I'm only fifteen! This is-"

"You're a trained miko. I would have thought your mother taught you better than this."

Reeling, she instantly had dozens of angry and snide retorts on the tip of her tongue, all jumbled. She very nearly spat them all at once, but instead, found her anger dissipating like it had never even been there. She deflated, suddenly feeling small and vulnerable. Instinctively, she lowered her eyes, biting back a pathetic sniffle.

"Sorry. You're right."

She hated the words. She hated being wrong. But it was true, her mother raised her better than this, and even if she felt her time in the village was not over, she had no choice.

"Kagome-sama…" his voiced softened, and a light hand fell on her shoulder. She brushed it away wearily, shaking her head.

"No, no, you're right. I just… I want to see them again. I really do."

"You will, don't worry."

"The odds are sort of against me, Miroku-sama."

She chanced a look up at her guide, taking in his gentle smile. It was comforting, to say the least.

"My lady, you happen to have one of the most powerful monks in the land at your side. I will not let your person come to any harm," he assured her. She smiled in thanks, despite the indelicate snort that came from the Tanuki a little ahead of them. Though she wouldn't say it, she was inclined to agree… past circumstances already proved that she would need to defend herself. She was pretty much on her own in this.

"You're such a-fuck, just stay back!"

Or maybe… not so alone?

Kagome smiled then, a real smile (and the friendliest look she'd given the monk since he arrived), and nodded more to herself than anyone else present.

"Okay, let's get going! You said it's only about two weeks' travel, right? Well, let's move it!"

She marched ahead, her hand firmly planted on Miroku's back to get him moving, feeling a little better about this whole thing. She gave her home one last, lingering look - and it was beautiful. She vowed she would return some day.

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The trees left speckled spots of sunshine sliding across the ground. The path curved to avoid stones and tuffs of long grass, although the trail itself was nearly overgrown. It led down a gentle slope towards some tall and straight trees where the forest was bright and concealed nothing. To her left, she could hear the river tumbling over rocks, and to her right, the distant calls of the village men and women working hard to rebuild their homes.

"Mama?" she asked uncertainly. The older woman had been quiet ever since they left the temple, her eyes misted and set on the swaying trees ahead. She gripped her daughter's hand a little tighter at the mention of her name.

"Just a little further, dear," she said.

Unlike her earlier hike through the surrounding woods, Kagome could actually make out natural sounds now - the trilling of birds, rustling leaves, and a few chattering squirrels. It was light, green and beautiful here; she liked it very much.

"Kagome, you know how your father died, right?" her mother asked finally, and Kagome was so startled by the question she nearly pulled her hand back from her mother's warm and gentle one.

"I-yes, Mama…"

"Then you know why there is no real grave."

Of course. They'd never found his body. How could he have a proper burial when his remains were missing? She herself barely remembered the man - he died just after Souta was born… but there were some things. They were just impressions in dreams she barely remembered. Impressions of impressions by the time the next morning rolled around. She valued them more than anything, though, and still felt a deep sadness over his loss - if not for herself, then for her mother, whom she'd seen on more than one moonless night crying silently in the darkened halls of the temple.

"I want to show you something important, Kagome," her mother said, giving her a small and bittersweet smile. Kagome merely nodded, for it became important that she should stay quiet here. The noise of the village was gone, the natural sounds hushed, and a random assembly of trees surrounded them entirely. In a few more years, they might even be able to brush the sky. Flowers started springing up, white with wide petals, forming a wild and untamed garden. It felt like the rooms of the temple, only the air was crisp and fresh.

`Sacred' was the word that came to mind.

"They told me to pray extra hard for him, that his soul might find peace, since we could not properly lay him to rest. They told me to light a candle to guide him every night, that he might find his way into the afterlife and not have to wander this world forever. They told me it was such a tragedy that a good man could not have a real grave. So, I decided to give him one."

Below sweeping boughs and amongst dew-tipped flowering vines, a small white marble stone rested. Kagome didn't have to read the name to know whose name this place bore. She could have cried.

"I've never showed this to anyone, Kagome. But this place is his, and I know that he is at rest… and I thought he should like to see his daughter, how tall and beautiful she's grown, before she leaves."

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A/N: Thanks again for reading. I got… well, many more reviews this chapter, even long after it had been out. That's motivational, lemme tell you. Thanks so much!

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Blackberry & scherezade: Thank you for your reviews! Eh… I'll catch up to the fanfic postings eventually ^.^