InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Red Tears ❯ Suicide ( Chapter 12 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: ever-after 
"She can't! I won't let her!"
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.08.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 175 | Status: Completed
"She can't! I won't let her!"
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.08.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 175 | Status: Completed
A/N: I sort of have a hard time with names, if you haven't by now noticed from some of my other fanfics, so please excuse me if I name a girl a guy's name, or a guy a girl's name. I'm trying to keep the names Japanese. (A secret source told me that Yoshe meant Anna. If it doesn't , you're welcome to correct me.)
Anger was filling her being as she stuffed a pair of pants into one of the bags the office had so kindly provided her with. She could have sworn a growl was coming from her lips as she shoved a tube of toothpaste into one of the many pockets, followed swiftly by a brush. Yes, she was beyond angry. She wasn't even paying attention to what she was filling her bag with, just shoving one thing after another into it as if it were a bag filled with Halloween treats and she a greedy child.
It's my fault. She repeated over and over again in her mind. If I hadn't allowed him to do that, we wouldn't be in this mess, Kikyo would be happy, and I would be out a whole week sooner. A long pause echoed through her head. But do I really want to leave?
Sesshoumaru was avoiding her, yes. But he just didn't want to confront her. He knew she would be angry. He knew she would blame him. And so he thought it would be easier if they didn't come in contact unless under observation. If they did, he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions. Of course, there was always the chance that Kagome would stay behind and wait for him, trying to smooth things out between them. But what was to fix? They had done nothing wrong. And if Kikyo hadn't flown off the handle, they would still be together now.
But is that what I really want? Do I want to be tied down? After what I've done, Kami only knows I don't deserve a girl like her. I don't deserve anyone. But really, am I being that selfish? "Yes." He voiced aloud. "Yes, I am being selfish. She doesn't deserve this."
A passerby paused mid-step. "Excuse me?" She questioned, her blue eyes watering in admiration, obviously thinking that he was talking about her. Sesshoumaru sighed. "Nothing, Yoshe. Nothing." Disappointment crossed the girl's features as she walked away, a soft sob escaping her lips. Sesshoumaru glared at his scarred fist, sniffing and trying to hold back tears as he walked the rest of the way to his now deserted room.
Kagome... The tears spilled over, and he quickly slammed the door shut as a loud sob escaped his chest, constricting his lungs as he stopped breathing.
Thank Kami! Kagome thought, shutting the door tightly behind her when she noticed Miroku was no where to be found. Slumping on her bed, she realized she had left her and Sango's diaries behind. Oh no! He can't read that! He can't! Kagome jumped to her feet, taking a deep breath as she thought about breaking the rules that were clearly set in front of her and risking being thrown out, just because of a stupid diary. Sighing, Kagome slumped back onto her bed. No, it wasn't worth it. If he read it, all the better. Maybe then he would be able to understand why she wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship with him, and that being separated would be best for both of them.
Because, though she had told him a reason why she had started to injure herself, she hadn't told him the whole reason why she had done so.
Just then, the door opened, and in walked Rin. "Kagome, I'm sorry. I just heard what happened. That little bitch! I can't believe she did something like that! I bet you that she knew you two would get separated and have to spend more time here. Why else would she have done what she did?"
Kagome looked up at her with a tear-streaked face, her nose running uncontrollably. "Rin." It was the only word she could manage before she broke down into a total and complete mess, her tears running down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away, her nose running down her chin as her eyes squeezed shut and she quit trying. Rin pulled multiple tissues from a dispenser next to her, then sat on the bed beside Kagome, wiping her nose and cheeks, before pulling her into a tight hug, cradling Kagome's head as she slowly and comfortingly rocked her back and forth.
"Shhhh, it's all right Kagome. You'll still see him. You'll just have to do it after dark, when everyone's gone. You know what? The people on guard in the office mostly watch soaps anyway. I bet you could sneak next door for a few minutes. I mean, the office is almost half way across the building. They wouldn't notice." Though the words were meant to be comforting, they only made Kagome sob harder. "I would know," Rin muttered, stopping Kagome in mid-sob. "I've snuck next door for the past half a year to see Kohaku."
A deep silence filled the room, and though it was comfortable for Kagome, Rin squirmed, embarrassed. "Sorry," she mumbled. "Shouldn't have said that."
"It's okay, Rin. Thanks for being here." Kagome said in a voice rough from crying. "But I think I'm going to go to bed now. Would you mind leaving, please?" The way Kagome practically begged her to go, Rin couldn't say no even if she had wanted to.
"I love you, Kagome." She said. "Please, just don't do anything you would regret, will you?"
Kagome nodded, taking a long sniff, before she lay down and closed her eyes. She was sleeping (or pretending to do so) before Rin even pulled the door shut behind her.
Sesshoumaru liked the feeling of the air leaving his lungs. He wondered how long he would be able to do this. If he was lucky, he'd be able to do it until he fell unconscious. Then he would feel no pain. Then he would feel nothing. Only emptiness. A smile of bliss took over his lips as he felt the world around him start to get hazy. Black was starting to rim his vision, and if he looked at one place long enough, the blackness engulfed it. Yes, it wouldn't be long now.
Except for one thing. Next door, he heard loud cries, and the wall was being repeatedly pounded. Without noticing, he took a breath and stepped forward, almost falling over with how dizzy he was. "Kagome?" He called out raspily. "Kagome?" A little louder this time.
Sitting on what used to be her bed, he listened as, repeatedly, something was slammed against the wall. Then, he heard something like a shattering noise, followed by a cry of triumph. The room fell silent for a while, until Sesshoumaru could hear something like...pleasured gasps?
What? Sesshoumaru glared at the wall. What the hell's going on here?
To tell the truth, Sesshoumaru couldn't tell if it was Miroku, Kagome, or both, but also to tell the truth, he didn't care. Something was happening. Something that wasn't supposed to be happening. And he would get to the bottom of it.
Plucking a tissue from the box next to the door, Sesshoumaru looked into the mirror and cleaned up his face. Then, tossing it into the trash can beside the door, he pulled it open and swiftly walked to the next room. When he tugged on the knob, he found it locked. "Kagome!" he shouted. "Kagome, I know you're in there! Answer this door! What the hell are you doing in there?!"
As soon as Rin left the room, Kagome looked around it. It wasn't so much different from the one she had shared with Sesshoumaru. The only difference was that the bed was right against the wall her own bed had been against. So when Sango had been here, it had been as if they had been sleeping side by side, with only a wall to separate them. Kagome wished that Sesshoumaru would be sleeping on the bottom bunk now. But she doubted it. He didn't know she would be sleeping mere inches away from him if he were to sleep there. And so he probably wouldn't.
There were a few other slight alterations as well. Where in the room with Sesshoumaru had blank, boring walls, the walls in this room were painted blood red, and posters of various people adorned them decoratively. On top of the dresser, a small blue stereo sat, a small number two was blinking.
Hmm, Kagome thought. Is it paused?
Standing, she went up and pushed the small, triangular "play" button. Immediately, loud but quiet lyrics filled the room.
"Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air.
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening,
Listening?
I'll be standing here,
And I'm miles away.
Making signals,
Hoping they'll save me.
I lock myself inside these walls,
'Cause out there I'm always wrong.
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
So while I'm sitting here,
On the eve of my death bed,
I write this letter and hope it saves me.
Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air,
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening,
Listening?"
Scanning the room, Kagome sat back on the bed and noticed a small, circular mirror right over the dresser across the room. She stared at it blankly as she went over the thoughts circulating through her mind. The lyrics continued.
"I'm stuck in my own head,
And I'm oceans away.
Would anybody notice
If I chose to stay?
I send an S.O.S. tonight,
Wonder if I will survive.
How in the hell did I get so far away this time?
So now I'm sitting here,
The time of my departure's near.
I say a prayer,
Please someone save me."
She was standing now, walking slowly towards the mirror. The music was completely tuned out as thoughts flew through her mind.
He won't miss me. He was only pretending. He didn't mean it when he kissed me. That's why he was avoiding me. Why did I come on to him that way? Why did he read my diary? It's all my fault for tempting him...My fault...my fault...my fault...my fault...I should be punished...
Slowly, her hand reached for the mirror. It was as if she was watching another person. The mirror was abruptly plucked from the wall, and Kagome raced towards the bed. When she found there were no sharp edges on it, she went ballistic. Her pain, anger, and confusion came out when she pounded the mirror into the wall repeatedly. As it dug into the skin in her hands and caused welts before bursting it open and letting her bleed, Kagome inhaled, her anger seeping away. But it wasn't enough. She had to finish it.
That was when the mirror shattered. Kagome cried out in triumph, looking through the pile of broken pieces of glass until she found the largest, most jagged piece in the pile. Lifting it in her fingers, she looked at it in wonder. The song continued.
"Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Should I take notes in the end?
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening?
Listening?
I'm lost here.
I can't make it on my own.
I don't wanna die alone.
I'm so scared.
Drowning now.
Reaching out.
Holding on to everything I love.
Crying out.
Dying now.
I need some help."
Sesshoumaru could hear the music now. The lyrics chilled him. Death. Is she trying to commit suicide? I won't let her! She won't!
I... .I....I love her!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Yeah, a revelation! I think those of you who've read this so far deserve this much, at least. Sorry it took so long, but I had a little trouble with how I wanted this chapter to work out. It's a little longer than my other ones, so that should make you happy. For a while at least.
SERIOUSLY! I'M SORRY!
*dodges any and all tomatoes thrown*
I've been reading this AWSOME fic though! I just couldn't leave it! ...and now I can't wait for more...
Here's a link: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php?id=64373&cid=201360&su bmit=View
Yeah, it's long. But the author's GENIUS!
Anger was filling her being as she stuffed a pair of pants into one of the bags the office had so kindly provided her with. She could have sworn a growl was coming from her lips as she shoved a tube of toothpaste into one of the many pockets, followed swiftly by a brush. Yes, she was beyond angry. She wasn't even paying attention to what she was filling her bag with, just shoving one thing after another into it as if it were a bag filled with Halloween treats and she a greedy child.
It's my fault. She repeated over and over again in her mind. If I hadn't allowed him to do that, we wouldn't be in this mess, Kikyo would be happy, and I would be out a whole week sooner. A long pause echoed through her head. But do I really want to leave?
Sesshoumaru was avoiding her, yes. But he just didn't want to confront her. He knew she would be angry. He knew she would blame him. And so he thought it would be easier if they didn't come in contact unless under observation. If they did, he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions. Of course, there was always the chance that Kagome would stay behind and wait for him, trying to smooth things out between them. But what was to fix? They had done nothing wrong. And if Kikyo hadn't flown off the handle, they would still be together now.
But is that what I really want? Do I want to be tied down? After what I've done, Kami only knows I don't deserve a girl like her. I don't deserve anyone. But really, am I being that selfish? "Yes." He voiced aloud. "Yes, I am being selfish. She doesn't deserve this."
A passerby paused mid-step. "Excuse me?" She questioned, her blue eyes watering in admiration, obviously thinking that he was talking about her. Sesshoumaru sighed. "Nothing, Yoshe. Nothing." Disappointment crossed the girl's features as she walked away, a soft sob escaping her lips. Sesshoumaru glared at his scarred fist, sniffing and trying to hold back tears as he walked the rest of the way to his now deserted room.
Kagome... The tears spilled over, and he quickly slammed the door shut as a loud sob escaped his chest, constricting his lungs as he stopped breathing.
Thank Kami! Kagome thought, shutting the door tightly behind her when she noticed Miroku was no where to be found. Slumping on her bed, she realized she had left her and Sango's diaries behind. Oh no! He can't read that! He can't! Kagome jumped to her feet, taking a deep breath as she thought about breaking the rules that were clearly set in front of her and risking being thrown out, just because of a stupid diary. Sighing, Kagome slumped back onto her bed. No, it wasn't worth it. If he read it, all the better. Maybe then he would be able to understand why she wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship with him, and that being separated would be best for both of them.
Because, though she had told him a reason why she had started to injure herself, she hadn't told him the whole reason why she had done so.
Just then, the door opened, and in walked Rin. "Kagome, I'm sorry. I just heard what happened. That little bitch! I can't believe she did something like that! I bet you that she knew you two would get separated and have to spend more time here. Why else would she have done what she did?"
Kagome looked up at her with a tear-streaked face, her nose running uncontrollably. "Rin." It was the only word she could manage before she broke down into a total and complete mess, her tears running down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away, her nose running down her chin as her eyes squeezed shut and she quit trying. Rin pulled multiple tissues from a dispenser next to her, then sat on the bed beside Kagome, wiping her nose and cheeks, before pulling her into a tight hug, cradling Kagome's head as she slowly and comfortingly rocked her back and forth.
"Shhhh, it's all right Kagome. You'll still see him. You'll just have to do it after dark, when everyone's gone. You know what? The people on guard in the office mostly watch soaps anyway. I bet you could sneak next door for a few minutes. I mean, the office is almost half way across the building. They wouldn't notice." Though the words were meant to be comforting, they only made Kagome sob harder. "I would know," Rin muttered, stopping Kagome in mid-sob. "I've snuck next door for the past half a year to see Kohaku."
A deep silence filled the room, and though it was comfortable for Kagome, Rin squirmed, embarrassed. "Sorry," she mumbled. "Shouldn't have said that."
"It's okay, Rin. Thanks for being here." Kagome said in a voice rough from crying. "But I think I'm going to go to bed now. Would you mind leaving, please?" The way Kagome practically begged her to go, Rin couldn't say no even if she had wanted to.
"I love you, Kagome." She said. "Please, just don't do anything you would regret, will you?"
Kagome nodded, taking a long sniff, before she lay down and closed her eyes. She was sleeping (or pretending to do so) before Rin even pulled the door shut behind her.
Sesshoumaru liked the feeling of the air leaving his lungs. He wondered how long he would be able to do this. If he was lucky, he'd be able to do it until he fell unconscious. Then he would feel no pain. Then he would feel nothing. Only emptiness. A smile of bliss took over his lips as he felt the world around him start to get hazy. Black was starting to rim his vision, and if he looked at one place long enough, the blackness engulfed it. Yes, it wouldn't be long now.
Except for one thing. Next door, he heard loud cries, and the wall was being repeatedly pounded. Without noticing, he took a breath and stepped forward, almost falling over with how dizzy he was. "Kagome?" He called out raspily. "Kagome?" A little louder this time.
Sitting on what used to be her bed, he listened as, repeatedly, something was slammed against the wall. Then, he heard something like a shattering noise, followed by a cry of triumph. The room fell silent for a while, until Sesshoumaru could hear something like...pleasured gasps?
What? Sesshoumaru glared at the wall. What the hell's going on here?
To tell the truth, Sesshoumaru couldn't tell if it was Miroku, Kagome, or both, but also to tell the truth, he didn't care. Something was happening. Something that wasn't supposed to be happening. And he would get to the bottom of it.
Plucking a tissue from the box next to the door, Sesshoumaru looked into the mirror and cleaned up his face. Then, tossing it into the trash can beside the door, he pulled it open and swiftly walked to the next room. When he tugged on the knob, he found it locked. "Kagome!" he shouted. "Kagome, I know you're in there! Answer this door! What the hell are you doing in there?!"
As soon as Rin left the room, Kagome looked around it. It wasn't so much different from the one she had shared with Sesshoumaru. The only difference was that the bed was right against the wall her own bed had been against. So when Sango had been here, it had been as if they had been sleeping side by side, with only a wall to separate them. Kagome wished that Sesshoumaru would be sleeping on the bottom bunk now. But she doubted it. He didn't know she would be sleeping mere inches away from him if he were to sleep there. And so he probably wouldn't.
There were a few other slight alterations as well. Where in the room with Sesshoumaru had blank, boring walls, the walls in this room were painted blood red, and posters of various people adorned them decoratively. On top of the dresser, a small blue stereo sat, a small number two was blinking.
Hmm, Kagome thought. Is it paused?
Standing, she went up and pushed the small, triangular "play" button. Immediately, loud but quiet lyrics filled the room.
"Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air.
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening,
Listening?
I'll be standing here,
And I'm miles away.
Making signals,
Hoping they'll save me.
I lock myself inside these walls,
'Cause out there I'm always wrong.
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
So while I'm sitting here,
On the eve of my death bed,
I write this letter and hope it saves me.
Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air,
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening,
Listening?"
Scanning the room, Kagome sat back on the bed and noticed a small, circular mirror right over the dresser across the room. She stared at it blankly as she went over the thoughts circulating through her mind. The lyrics continued.
"I'm stuck in my own head,
And I'm oceans away.
Would anybody notice
If I chose to stay?
I send an S.O.S. tonight,
Wonder if I will survive.
How in the hell did I get so far away this time?
So now I'm sitting here,
The time of my departure's near.
I say a prayer,
Please someone save me."
She was standing now, walking slowly towards the mirror. The music was completely tuned out as thoughts flew through her mind.
He won't miss me. He was only pretending. He didn't mean it when he kissed me. That's why he was avoiding me. Why did I come on to him that way? Why did he read my diary? It's all my fault for tempting him...My fault...my fault...my fault...my fault...I should be punished...
Slowly, her hand reached for the mirror. It was as if she was watching another person. The mirror was abruptly plucked from the wall, and Kagome raced towards the bed. When she found there were no sharp edges on it, she went ballistic. Her pain, anger, and confusion came out when she pounded the mirror into the wall repeatedly. As it dug into the skin in her hands and caused welts before bursting it open and letting her bleed, Kagome inhaled, her anger seeping away. But it wasn't enough. She had to finish it.
That was when the mirror shattered. Kagome cried out in triumph, looking through the pile of broken pieces of glass until she found the largest, most jagged piece in the pile. Lifting it in her fingers, she looked at it in wonder. The song continued.
"Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Should I take notes in the end?
'Cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm giving up myself.
Is anybody listening?
Listening?
I'm lost here.
I can't make it on my own.
I don't wanna die alone.
I'm so scared.
Drowning now.
Reaching out.
Holding on to everything I love.
Crying out.
Dying now.
I need some help."
Sesshoumaru could hear the music now. The lyrics chilled him. Death. Is she trying to commit suicide? I won't let her! She won't!
I... .I....I love her!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Yeah, a revelation! I think those of you who've read this so far deserve this much, at least. Sorry it took so long, but I had a little trouble with how I wanted this chapter to work out. It's a little longer than my other ones, so that should make you happy. For a while at least.
SERIOUSLY! I'M SORRY!
*dodges any and all tomatoes thrown*
I've been reading this AWSOME fic though! I just couldn't leave it! ...and now I can't wait for more...
Here's a link: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php?id=64373&cid=201360&su bmit=View
Yeah, it's long. But the author's GENIUS!