InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Redemption ❯ To Love You Is To Kill You ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Characters owned by: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Entertainment, ect.
A/N: This story is a unique take on the Sesshoumaru x Naraku pairing. It’s very angsty and there’s a lot of hurt and comfort. I’m not saying that I don’t focus at all on canon, but I don’t focus TOO much on it (mostly when it comes to the personalities) because it hampers my creativity (I don’t mean to disturb anyone’s ideas about what they perceive to be IC for a character, but when it comes to this issue, you can’t please everybody, unfortunately). However, when it comes to the plot of the canonical story, I always research a lot and I make sure that I’ve got my shit together. Inuyasha would be considered to be rated PG in most respects. This fanfic, based on the Inu Yasha canon, is about romance between two male characters (who are obviously not in love in the canon), while also being geared towards a rated R or NC17 audience; so of course the characters are going be somewhat different personality wise, within that context.

I did change certain aspects in regards to what was in the original canon as well, in order to make the idea of Naraku and Sesshoumaru being together, seem more realistic (but it doesn’t interfere too much with the original canon, sense most of what I write about in this story takes place before the canon begins, after it ends and during times of the day that are not elaborated on too much within the canon). Also, I really love Sesshoumaru as a character as well as Naraku. I know that Naraku is considered to be the main antagonist in the canon (and therefore the bad guy), but I wanted to delve a little deeper than that in this story. He does keep some of his dark nature though. It shows up later on in the story. I just wanted to do something unique and portray him on a deeper emotional level. Sesshoumaru will be a more emotional version of himself as well (you’ll see why, once you read the story). Lastly, I hope people like my (Kind-of) original character. Well that’s about all. I’ve been working on this story for a while…hope someone understands and appreciates it.

Delay = “--“ “…”
Longer delay = “---“ “Blah…(space)”
Two words said as one = “-“ “Blah-blah”
Interruption (sometimes) = “Blah blah blah...” “Blah blah”


~Sounds of erotic pleasure saturate the atmosphere of a spacious room with tatami mats accentuating its wooden floors, as two magnificent beings indulge in each other’s sculpted and sweat drenched bodies. “Sss-ggrrrr-give it to me,” one creature utters hungrily with his legs spread wide and close to his body as he is being invaded repeatedly by the insatiable creature moving on top of him. “Hngh--Hhhuh--Nnghh-you’re so beautiful, come for me,” the being above utters seductively through sonorous grunts and groans. It isn’t long before (hhaaww--Uuughnn! Hnnnnnghh!!!) a formerly majestic and stoic creature is sobbing with wanton passion as he reaches supernova like ecstasy.

After both beings have climaxed with excruciatingly bright intensity, the exquisitely disheveled being with long, dark and silky hair collapses on top of the exquisitely disheveled, creamy haired being lying beneath him, as he pants and sweats profusely. After lying lethargically with his head against the other beings rock solid chest for a moment while trying to get some oxygen back into his lungs; the creature with flowing, jet black locks, utters in a smooth baritone, “You know one thing I still can’t seem to figure out--after me revealing to you who I really am, why do you still desire me?”

The pale haired entity takes a moment before responding coyly, “Can you blame me for not being able to resist a creature, as gorgeous and as irresistible as you?” The other creature chants in reply, “Come on Sesshoumaru, be honest with me--I am Naraku, your strongest nemesis.” The milky haired being murmurs, “You’ll always be Kagiwaki to me--although when I destroy you, it’ll be Naraku I’m destroying, not Kagiwaki. Things must end one way or the other--it’s your choice. If only you would give up this foolish mission to possess all of the Shikon No Tama shards.”

The other man stalls for a moment, sighing under his breath before uttering as if he has already uttered the same thing a million times before, “Sesshoumaru, darling, you know that is never going to happen.” The male below begins to affectionately run his fingers through the hair of the one above as he utters in a coercive and seductive tone of voice, “If you give up your mission--this Sesshoumaru will suck your cock everyday for the rest of your life.”

The other male responds lackadaisically, “Unless your sucking of my cock for the rest of my life is going to gain me the completed Shikon Jewel, I’ll pass. Having you suck it every two weeks and then just getting myself off as I fantasize about you in between, is fine with me.” With an expression of severe annoyance on his face, the male below begins to push at the other male, managing to pry himself from beneath him, before indignantly standing to his feet. The dusky haired male sits up before fixing his eyes on the being now towering above him.

The male with pale hair and mesmerizingly golden irises exclaims as he peers down with a gaze so sharp, it could cut through steel, “Chasing the Jewel is futile! How many times do I have to tell you that this miko--HUMAN doesn’t love you! And that worthless piece of glass isn’t going to grant you your wish either-- is this Sesshoumaru not enough for you!?” “Ai-kun, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m not seeking the power of the jewel for that woman? The feelings of love are not my own. They belong to that bastard Onigumo! I only desire to become a full blooded yokai--why would a yokai as perfect as you are want to be with a deficient hanyo like me anyway-I thought you hated anyone who wasn’t a full blooded yokai!”

The other male huffs before replying with exasperation, “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care what YOU are, maybe other’s, but it’s different with you because I’m in--look--I knew the first time that I met you, from your scent that you were a hanyo--and yet I still fell in love with you and desired to be with you. Obviously it isn’t as important to me as you THINK it is. All I care about is my reputation--and don’t give me that look. Everyone knows this Sesshoumaru as an emotionless, stoic, proud and powerful Inuyokai, soon to be Daiyokai once Tetsusaiga is in my grasp. And honestly I like being perceived that way and don’t plan on that changing anytime soon. But I’m not that way with you. In fact you’re the only one I’m not that way with. I’m even that way with my mother--and she’s my mother! If people discovered you were my lover that would be enough to totally betray their image of me, and father forbid if I’ll give Inuyasha something to cackle in this Sesshoumaru’s face about.” The male with raven tented hair asks with sarcasm after rolling his eyes slightly, “Why do you care so much about what OTHER PEOPLE think anyway?”

The other male responds icily and sardonically, “Because I do--DON’T try to figure me out when you can’t even do that for yourself. No one can read this Sesshoumaru unless I allow it.” The crimson eyed creature leers away from the other being scornfully as he grits his teeth with tightly shut lips and folded arms. Inspite of his lovers’ very obvious irritability, the golden eyed being continues to speak coldly and confrontationally, “Why do you not want to give up seeking after the shards? Let’s stick with that. Sometimes I still don’t trust that you’ll stick to our decision to remain opponents only during the day and by the way…” Seemingly out of the blue, the creamy haired yokai begins to rage like a storm that has just materialized, “You ARE in love with that fucking human! Onigumo is a part of you; therefore it is YOU who are in love! You need to cease being in denial!”

Having reached his boiling point at this moment, the onyx haired hanyou retorts as he jerks his head up violently while slamming his palms harshly against the ground near his sides, “Why do you always insist on being so fucking arrogant and condescending, having your cake and eating it too, when I am not allowed to?! Maybe I’m in love with both of you-maybe that’s what it is!” He becomes quiet suddenly as he realizes his mistake. After thinking, ‘Oh shit,’ as his eyes awkwardly shift sideways; he sets his gaze back on the being in front of him before attempting to retract his words in his typical deep, smooth, and Machiavellian tenor, “I--Sesshoumaru--I didn’t mean it like that--I shouldn’t have said that.”

The hanyou gets a startled look on his face as the seething yokai’s gaze pierces through his own. After momentarily enduring the Inuyokai’s frigid glare as eerie silence pervades the room along with a prolonged throaty growl, the spider hanyou finally breaks free from their intense visual connection as he lowers his gaze. During the process, his eyes unexpectedly catch sight of the Inuyokai’s impressive member. Instead of allowing his gaze to abandon that area, his eyes continue to dwell on that spot as a goofy, blushing grin begins to flood the hanyou’s features. “Hngh,” the Inuyokai vocalizes while being puzzled by the hanyou’s response.

But his expression of confusion abruptly transforms into an expression of shock and then outrage once he determines what is really going on. The now blushing and embarrassed but still extremely enraged yokai’s muscles tighten in his arms and he curls his fingers stiffly as if he is about to claw someone or something. In a strained and agitated tenor, he verbalizes after releasing a low rumbling growl, “This isn’t the time for that.”

The male who was just grinning wipes the smile off of his face as he looks back up hastily, as if he were a little child who’d just been caught doing something naughty. After a short moment of more silence and a glare consumed with loathing, the other male continues as he speaks in a harsh staccato, “You’re so fucking immature and you’re damned right, you shouldn’t have said that. You want to know the truth? The truth is that you are not in love with her--you are obsessed with her--and you are in love with fucking me!” The hanyou interrupts, “That’s not true I…” The Inuyokai interrupts back, “Silence! I’ve finally figured it out. It was so ridiculous of me to have some kind of hope that you would EVER fully be mine!”

The yokai takes a moment, swallowing hard before continuing in a vulnerable, sorrowful tone of voice that reveals a heart that has been crushed far too many times, “I’ve revealed so much of myself to you--things that nobody and I mean NOBODY else has ever known, and yet you can look me in the eyes and tell me--that you’d STILL rather seek the Shikon no Tama!?” As the Inuyokai senses his anger beginning to boil over again while mixing with the other feelings he’s already experiencing, he starts to speak in a subdued voice as he growls and his body trembles, “I am one of the most powerful yokai in existence, and yet you treat me like SHIT. And what’s worse is that I let you. You’re a FOOL--or maybe I’m the fool. I need to go now before I rip out your throat.” The male turns around and begins to walk like a zombie over to where his clothes are in the corner of the room in order to begin to get dressed.

The other male now consumed with mixed emotions of guilt, rage, terror, shame, desperation, anguish and pride begins to murmur while still sitting on the futon with a blanket covering him, as he gazes down into his lap, “So you don’t think that I am capable of love and you think that I can’t be trusted. If you believe that I cannot give you what you need then why do you keep coming back?” He lifts his head back up, pausing as he gazes ahead with turmoil shading his features.

While the Inuyokai is seemingly immersed in his actions of getting dressed, the hanyou continues, mumbling as he leers somberly away from his back, “Maybe I am incapable of loving another--I am not sure---Everytime I try to grasp at whatever it is inside of me, it’s as if something else is forcefully keeping it from my reach---I wouldn’t reveal our secret or use the secrets you’ve revealed to me against you because one thing that I know for sure--is that I have appreciated what we have had--no matter how tumultuous things may have actually gotten for us at times. Whenever I’ve been with you, I’ve become someone else and it has always felt so---But I--If only you could understand Sesshoumaru, I can’t turn back now--I’ve already gone too far.”

After the Inuyokai finishes putting on his other boot, he leans up into a standing position before uttering quietly with his back still turned towards the hanyou, “Yes you can, Kagi-kun…it isn’t too late.” Feeling very desperate and afraid of him leaving forever (because he knows that he’ll never be able to fulfill his lovers most deepest desires) within his tremendous sense of helplessness and confusion, the spider hanyou utters with a quivering and almost frantic tone in his voice, “You’ll be back because you enjoy fucking me…” “Just stop it,” the male who has just finished dressing abruptly exclaims in a trembling and tortured voice. He tries with all of his might to hold back the tears he so desperately desires to shed as he realizes that no matter how dire their situation actually is, the handsome but stubborn hanyou is right and that all he’ll probably ever be able to give the Inuyokai, is his body. After regaining his composure some, the pale haired being whispers frailly, “I luh…I…I have to go,” before walking away in silent defeat. ~