InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Redemption ❯ Anger, Hurt, Forgiveness (Part One) ( Chapter 10 )

Characters owned by: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Entertainment, ect.

I make no profit from this story

 

Redemption

Chapter 10: Anger, Hurt, Forgiveness (Part One)

 

After they are finished laughing, they pause for a second as they continue to gaze into each other's eyes with warm smiles on their faces. At some point they change positions in the bed and Tensei turns his back to Sesshoumaru as Sesshoumaru snuggles him from behind and places his arm firmly around Tensei's waste. After a brief moment of getting settled in their new positions, Tensei says, “Thank you, Sesshoumaru Sama…” in a soft tone of voice. “What is it that you are thanking me for, Tensei?” Sesshoumaru asks curiously, close to Tensei's ear. “Well…isn't it obvious…now that I have you…I am not alone anymore. You've been there for me in a way that no one else has in a very long time. You have been willing to sacrifice yourself for me…your pride…your heart…your comfort. I do not deserve your love…and yet you have given it freely…” “What do you mean…you do not deserve my love? I used to believe at one point, that certain beings did not deserve to be loved…but after so many turn of events in my life…I have come to realize that everyone and everything deserves to be loved in one way or another…there is a purpose for every living thing in this world…never forget what I have said Tensei…” “You are very insightful, Sesshoumaru,” Tensei replies. “Yes…but my insight did not come with ease…I had to lose an arm and then grow one back…among other things…” “Insightful and humble… sometimes…” Sesshoumaru replies in a half-joking tone of voice, “Uh…really? Try being a great yokai like myself and then you'll know how hard it is to stay humble all of the time…” “Like I said…humble…sometimes…” Tensei concludes teasingly. A smacking sound is heard, “Ouch!... hhhmmm…” Tensei responds to the pain and the stimulation resulting from having his thie smacked playfully by Sesshoumaru.

 

After a moment, Sesshoumaru begins to speak again, changing the focus to lighter affairs, “So are you hungry,” “Yea…I am kinda hungry…actually…” “Well, I have an idea…how about we go and get washed up, soak in the hotspring for a while, and then get dressed and go and eat once dinner is ready.” “That sounds good to me…” Sesshoumaru gets up immediately after that and puts on his clothes in a flash before heading towards the shoji door as Tensei lingers behind finishing up with putting on his hakama… “Oh, and by the way…” Sesshoumaru turns around briefly before saying in a smooth and sensual tone of voice, “Don't forget to fasten up your robe…I don't want anyone gazing upon those sexy abs of yours besides myself…” “Of course…darling,” Tensei replies jokingly. `Oh, shit! He's coming this way. What am I going to do! It's too late to run away!' It turns out that Inuyasha is still outside, after everything that has just happened. Earlier on, after they had become silent, he used the rationalization that maybe Tensei would transform into Naraku and try to kill Sesshoumaru in the heat of passion. He couldn't just sit back lazily and allow his mighty brother to go out in such a disgraceful manner. Once he had peeked through the shoji door in order to get a better idea of what was going on (he had to do it…just to be sure…heh-heh) inspite of what he uncovered, and inspite of the uncomfortable feeling it gave him, he decided it was necessary to continue to spy on them in that way, even if he was taking the risk of very easily being discovered.

 

He removes his hands from the shoji openings and stands up stiffly as he see's Sesshoumaru drawing closer. `Well the least I could do is act like my typical self,' he thinks to himself. He hastily leans his back against the wall behind him and manages to fold his arms and one leg over the other with his head down slightly, trying to give off an unconcerned impression. He is able to position himself just in the nick of time. Right after he is settled, Sesshoumaru parts the shoji screen. “Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru responds almost as if he expected him to be there. His calm response throws Inuyasha off guard for a second. “Hm?” Inuyasha utters as he looks up, trying to keep the confusion and discomfort he is feeling from revealing itself on his face. “You might as well meet the person you just finished watching me fuck…” Sesshoumaru utters emotionlessly. “Huh?” Inuyasha responds, not being able to keep the emotions of panic and shock out of his voice. He jumps up off of the wall as if something bit him in the ass. Not knowing what else to do, he ends up standing there as if he's about to be hit by a mountain. “He's coming right now,” Sesshoumaru utters without turning away as he senses Tensei approaching. Inuyasha utters with nervous tension in his voice, “Sesshoumaru, I just wanted to protect…” before stopping mid-sentence as Tensei finally comes through the shoji screen. Everything seems to be going in slow motion for Inuyasha, as he stares at Tensei breathlessly. But it is not only because of his appearance, `I just saw it…his eyes glowed red for a split second and then became blue,' he thinks to himself.

 

All of a sudden a growl escapes his throat. He shouts out venomously and abruptly as his body braces and his fingers curl to the sides of him, as if ready to pounce, “You piece of shit!! I'm not in a gullible state like Sesshoumaru! I don't know how you've done it Naraku but you've returned to this world! I'm not going to take the time to figure things out like my brother! I'm going to destroy you just like I did last time!!” “Inuyasha, calm down,” Sesshoumaru interrupts with an uncharacteristic passivity as he subconsciously presses his arm against the front of Tensei as if to protect him and also hold him back at the same time. Tensei gazes at Inuyasha fearfully. Inuyasha turns his head sharply and irately away from Tensei and towards Sesshoumaru, “How can you not see it, Sesshoumaru. His eyes were crimson red and then they changed to blue…I saw it - I swear!” He faces Tensei again before proceeding to speak in an enraged and subdued tone of voice, “Naraku…because you have been gone for so long, you may think that I still despise my brother…you may think that you can use that fact in order to create separation between us. But let me tell you something, you son of a bitch! If you try to hurt my brother in anyway…if you even as much as scratch him…I'll take your balls and rip them the fuck off!!” Those words are enough to send Tensei over the edge. Sesshoumaru turns around sharply, as Tensei expels a short sob through clinched teeth. As he does this, he also hunches over and places his hands tightly against his ears, as if he has been pierced through his skull and stomach. The word, “Why?!” escapes his mouth in a very despondent way. He stays like that for a moment as Inuyasha looks on in shock and his rage suddenly disappears as he realizes what his words have evoked. Sesshoumaru glares at him with an expression that says, “I warned you didn't I? See what happens when you keep running your big mouth?”

 

Tensei finally releases the breath that he has been holding and inhales sharply as he opens his eyes and little drops of tears drip from his eyelashes. He takes his hands away from his ears as he stands up, and his body trembles. His face reveals torment and tears and he gives off a vacant gaze as if staring at a ghost. He begins to speak mournfully, “You were wrong, Sesshoumaru…I don't deserve to be loved…I have to go…I have to leave here…I have to go…” “Tensei…wait…” Tensei ignores Sesshoumaru's plea as he exits the scene quickly while covering his face, in order to hide the tears pouring down. “You've gotta be kidding me right?” Inuyasha utters in disbelief after Tensei is a considerate distance away,” “Inuyasha, shut up…” Sesshoumaru replies in a dead-panned tone of voice. Sesshoumaru continues to speak, “Inuyasha, I already know you have things to say to me. We can talk all you want later, and you can hurl insults at me too if you'd like. I understand your frustration. But right now, I have to go and make sure that Tensei is alright. Before I go, I must inform you about the dinner party I have arranged for tomorrow in order to get people a little more comfortable with…my new situation. My messenger has already sent out invitations to most of the guests. He will be sending out the rest this evening. You are welcome to stay as a guest for the night if you'd like. I am looking forward to seeing you at the gathering tomorrow.”

 

Sesshoumaru then briskly turns and begins to walk away. As Inuyasha continues to stand there, now reflecting on everything that had just occurred, Sesshoumaru stops and turns his head with his back still towards Inuyasha, “And by the way…I didn't know that you cared so much for my safety...I am appreciative.” Inuyasha gasps lightly with surprise before sharply directing his gaze down and to the side of him. Sesshoumaru grins slightly to himself regarding Inuyasha's response before proceeding to walk away again in a graceful manner. Once he is away from Inuyasha and almost completely shrouded in darkness, near the stairway, he exclaims in a mono-tone voice while still facing forward, “And I'm inviting Kouga too. Feel free to do whatever you guys do then.” He concludes by saying, “Later…Inuyasha,” as he waves goodbye in an effeminate fashion. Knowing that Tensei is alright by being able to perceive his scent, Sesshoumaru doesn't bother with worrying or panicking about him. Instead, he continues to walk gracefully and patiently down the stairs. Once he finally reaches the bottom, he keeps walking, until he is outside of the castle. He drifts upward on his youki cloud before flying off in order to track Tensei down by sense of smell alone. He eventually finds him in one of the castle gardens, sitting Indian style, under a tree while staring straight ahead as if in a trance. His eyes are blood shot from crying so much; his shoulders are slightly slumped and nothing more than the moonlight and stars shining down on him…illuminate his long, silky, wavy, raven tented hair and fair, creamy skin. `I never thought someone could be so distraught and yet remain so sightly,' Sesshoumaru thinks to himself with enchantment. Tensei doesn't notice that Sesshoumaru is near until he is standing directly in front of him. He flinches and then looks up before uttering blandly, “Oh, it's just you.” “What is that supposed to mean?” Sesshoumaru replies defensively, but says it in a playful tone so as not to sound too serious. “Hhmm…” Tensei sighs as he shrugs his shoulders sullenly with his arms rested on top of his thies; his wrists crossed over each other and the palms of his hands rested against the lower part of his legs. He looks down at his lap. Sesshoumaru stands there for a moment continuing to look down on him, quietly. “My beautiful human,” Sesshoumaru utters with intentions to comfort Tensei and dissipate the awkward tension, as he squats down next to him in a very casual manner. He begins to take small clumps of Tensei's bangs between his index and thumb fingers. He brings his fingers down repeatedly over the different strands in an affectionate manner, as Tensei continues to hold his head down, afraid to look Sesshoumaru in the eyes.

 

After more moments of silence, Tensei finally begins to speak in a slightly emotional whisper, “Why did you allow him to say all of those things to me?” `Why did you abandon me, Sesshoumaru?' Tensei thinks inwardly. Sesshoumaru abruptly stops playing in his hair and freezes in confusion. Finally it dawns on him that Tensei is not just sad, he's angry…and not only is he angry but he is also angry at him. `Tensei I'm sorry…but how am I supposed to please you and my brother at the same time?' …is what Sesshoumaru feels but it isn't what he says. He tries to temper his voice as much as possible, “Tensei…I did that for him. My brother went through a lot with…” `I deserve everything that has happened to me…I am him-I am an abomination! No one should love me-I don't deserve to be alive…' Tensei thinks again inwardly. Outwardly, he interrupts Sesshoumaru, exclaiming, “…But I didn't ask for any of this! I'm not fucking Naraku!” as he looks up sharply with clinched teeth and an intense expression of anguish mixed with rage. As Sesshoumaru stares at him with tight lipped shock, Tensei continues to look up at him with the exact same expression for a few more seconds as his face trembles. Finally, he huffs indignantly and turns his head away sharply, as he folds his arms. “You don't understand…” he voices quietly, immediately after turning his head. `What is wrong with him? I should comfort him…no…wait a minute. He is purposefully disrespecting me…this Sesshoumaru?! How…dare…he! …After all I've done for him! There was a time when I would have never helped a ningen, let alone fall in love with one…he is rejecting me…it hurts…' Sesshoumaru's tight lipped shock now turns into a tight lipped resentment. Tensei peeks briefly, noticing the change on Sesshoumaru's face before thinking, `prideful bastard!... he's only acknowledging what he wants to.' He then suddenly jumps up and storms away. Sesshoumaru watches him walk away feeling totally disrespected, angry, hurt, and rejected. Then he senses rage beginning to bubble up inside of him. He tries to suppress it as he gets up and flies slightly off of the ground after Tensei. He catches up to him very quickly and easily before touching his feet to the ground once more. He reaches out and grabs Tensei's arm firmly, causing him to flounder and then turn around. `Stop loving me!' Tensei thinks in torment. “Let go of me!” Tensei utters gruffly and bitterly. `How dare you!' The thought keeps playing in Sesshoumaru's head over and over again.

 

Sesshoumaru ignores Tensei's words as he continues to stand there like a statue holding him with a tense, tight jawed, vacant eyed expression. He unconsciously tightens his grip on Tensei's arm. Tensei thinks without completely understanding the full meaning behind his thoughts, `You never loved me! You want to destroy me…and I deserve it!' But he utters this time with more urgency and an ambiguously moaning, vulnerability in his tonality, “Ah!!...sss…stop, you're hurting me…let go of me…” Even through all of the rage burning inside of him, Sesshoumaru somehow amasses the strength to let go as a thought manages to get through reminding him that if he doesn't discontinue the action soon, he may crush Tensei's fragile arm. He thinks, `I'm letting go, but this is far from over! I'm going to make him pay for treating me this way. Why is he pushing me away like this…just as Naraku once did?' As Tensei now stands in front of Sesshoumaru with his body turned to the side, looking down at his arm as he tries to nurse it, Sesshoumaru rapidly feels the space between them before proceeding to grip Tensei's body in a firm and icy embrace. “Let me go!” Tensei responds with harsh intensity as he tries to wiggle his way out of Sesshoumaru's arms. `You don't love me…you don't love me! I don't deserve to be loved…' He ends up in an awkward position where his upper body is facing Sesshoumaru but his lower half is facing away and his legs and feet are positioned awkwardly. Sesshoumaru remains silent, with only the sound of heavy breathing through his nostrils being audible, as Tensei continues to try and break free and high-pitched grunts and low pitched growls continue to escape his vocal cords. Finally, he utters with a loss of breath, one last time, “Let…hhh…me…hhh…g…” This time Sesshoumaru does as he requests and unexpectedly lets him go.

 

Because Tensei is still trying to fight Sesshoumaru off when he releases his grip, Tensei ends up stumbling and falling down. He hits the ground with a hard thud and a grunt and lands on his back. `Does it hurt…Tensei…does it hurt as much as my breaking heart? I refuse to allow my heart to be broken again!' Before he can even think another thought, Sesshoumaru impulsively and briskly pounces and jumps over Tensei, landing on his hands and knees like a great and powerful beast with a wild and ravenous look in his eyes. `Cower before me! Submit to me!' As Sesshoumaru peers down upon him and growls and bares his teeth, Tensei gasps feeling totally startled and terrified, but as he remembers his anger, he quickly loses his fear just as quickly as it came, and instead puts on a stubborn stance, “Sesshoumaru, why are you doing this? You can't intimidate me! I'm still pissed at you!! You can kill me and I'd still be pissed at you as a ghost!!! You think th…” Sesshoumaru abruptly holds down Tensei's wrists and places his knees behind the inner side of Tensei's already spread apart knees, before wrapping the tops of his feet over the middle of Tensei's legs. He then devours Tensei's lips in the middle of his sentence. Tensei expels a muffled protesting noise, and tries lethargically to wiggle his body from underneath Sesshoumaru's grasp. `Love me…No! He shouldn't love me!' Tensei wiggles more as he produces faint staccato like grunts. Sesshoumaru continues to keep his lips pressed to Tensei's lips. `You really do believe I deserve to be loved…don't you? You really don't care that I am Naraku…reincarnated. I want to be loved by you. I will allow you to love me…I surrender myself to you, Sesshoumaru.” Finally his body completely relaxes and he gives into the weakness he has already been feeling created by Sesshoumaru's touch as they both begin to kiss each other as if they would never get an opportunity to kiss again.