InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Regret ❯ Regret ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kawa-Misuterii 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Fantasy / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.06.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 590 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Fantasy / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.06.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 590 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: Nay InuYasha, ye are not mine!
SplendentGoddess: Thank you so much for reviewing, I love your work! 'Red Eyes, Warm Heart' is one of my favorites of yours, as are 'While She's Sleeping' and 'Mating Season', so to get a response from you had me doing the patented fangirl squeal.
A very helpful reviewer found the story for me! (<3 sherezade, another great author)
I have yet to get feedback from the other author, but you guys have to check out her one-shots, they kick some serious angsty-but-happy-endings butt!
Author: Akihana
Story in which this is slightly based: Abandonment
Enjoy....kinda...
It seems fate just wants to pile as much as it can onto my conscience, because it happened when I was off protecting Kikyou...again. We were right in the middle of battling Naraku, and I was SO sure we were going to defeat him this time. There we were, me with the Tessaiga, Sango with the Hiraikotsu, Miroku with his Kazaana and sacred sutras, and Kagome with her sacred arrows, and even my bother with Tokijin. We were a strong, united front, unstoppable, I was sure.....until I heard a pained cry from my left, and ran off immediately to go aid Kikyou, who had been struck with one of Naraku’s tentacles upon her arrival. As soon as I left our line of defense, all hell broke loose. Naraku attacked with every demon power in his arsenal, and seeing as I left a sizable gap in our line at exactly the worst possible moment, the preceding war was more vicious and deadly than I ever dreamed.
Before I could even turn my heel to return when I found that Kikyou was basically alright, Kagome let loose an arrow with more spiritual power loaded into it than I had ever seen before, and coupled with a huge blast from Tokijin, the combination of demonic and spiritual power hit Naraku with a fatal blow, followed closely with several sutras and Hiraikotsu. I couldn’t help a burst of jealousy I felt towards Sesshomaru then. It should have been the Wind Scar that gave that blow with her arrow, not Tokijin.
Naraku attempted one last blow before his injuries bested him, and clumsily tossed a tentacle at Kagome, who was still radiating dangerous spiritual energy. I was running as fast as my feet would take me, but instead of piercing her, it fell heavily, knocking her to the ground and dragging across her back, tearing the skin along right with it. The scent of her blood hit me like a ton of bricks, and I used the Wind Scar to decimate what remained of Naraku.
But it was too late. Her back had been torn to shreds, and she was losing more and more blood by the second. As gently as I could, I wrapped her up in the fire rat and carried her away from the battle field, ignoring the look Kikyou gave me for once.
My friends followed after me on Kirara, and to my surprise, Sesshomaru flew behind us. When I got to Kaede’s, she didn’t say a word as she had me lay Kagome on her stomach to treat her wounds. She basically shoved me out the door when it came time to remove her clothes, though. I tried to tell her that I wanted to stay by her side and that it was impossible to have ecchi thoughts when she had an injury as bad as that. But she didn’t believe me, and as soon as I walked out the door, I turned to be face-to-face with my brother.
“What the hell do you want, bastard?” I asked, holding on to Tessaiga’s sheath.
“At ease, InuYasha. I wish to inquire about the condition of the....living miko.” he said, his face expressionless. Didn’t stop the smugness in his voice, however, the bastard.
“And why the hell would you care?” I asked.
“Although her presence was not needed, it did help to speed the death of our foe. I would not wish to see the one who managed to escape death from me, and help deal the final hit to Naraku, die by his last blow.” he replied elegantly.
“Would you revive her, if her wounds got too serious?” I asked, not voicing aloud my true fears. Sesshomaru paused for a moment, then I could have sworn he smirked a little.
“I could, I suppose.” was all he answered. He must have been able to smell her condition by then, so he simply turned and walked away, leaving me a bit dumbfounded but nonetheless grateful, despite the fact that there was no need for the offer.
Three days passed and Kagome didn’t wake. Sango and Miroku kicked me out of the village because I kept snapping at everyone. I guess I was a little on the edge, but who could blame me?
I snuck into Kaede’s hut at night, and kept rubbing salve into her back when everyone else was resting. She never roused once, but I’ll be damned if she didn’t know I was there, helping her.
That morning, Sango reamed me out when she woke up to me sleeping upright next to Kagome and scaring the crap out of her, so I went out to the Goshinboku to get away from everyone.
I should have smelled her coming, but I guess I was a little preoccupied. Kikyou appeared in the trees, her soul catchers mysteriously missing.
“InuYasha, it is good to see that you’re well.” she said politely. “And my reincarnation?”
“Kagome will be okay.” I replied, wondering why she refused to use Kagome’s name.
“You know that Naraku decimated the jewel.” she informed me. My ears perked up at this. I hadn’t even thought of the jewel until now.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Just as the jewel can be purified out of existence with a pure wish, it can also disappear into darkness with a truly evil wish. I do not know what he wished for, but it seems that the jewel died with him.”
“Good.” I said. “That’s good. It’s all over then.”
A strange look came over Kikyou’s face.
“You know what that means, don’t you InuYasha?” she said. I perked an eyebrow before the full meaning of what she said washed over me. I had an obligation.
I really didn’t want to go, and I looked longingly to the village, but Kikyou saw my gaze.
“I died, to follow you. I’d rather be dead than without you.” she told me. The implications of her words would have knocked me off my feet fifty years ago, but I had already repeated them inside my head for a long time now, so the effect was lost a bit.
“That’s why you were reborn in Kagome. To find me again, because we didn’t die together.” I said a bit cheekily. I guess I was feeling bitter about Kagome’s injuries, and jumped on the chance to take it out on someone, even if she didn’t deserve it. But hell, when did I ever admit to being a fair guy?
“My soul is my own.”
“Then how come you’re reanimated with a piece that came out of her?” this was an actual question that had been bothering me for some time now, and I was anxious to know the answer.
“Allow me to reiterate. My consciousness is my own, as is yours.” she said. I quirked an eyebrow.
“What are you saying?” I asked as I jumped down from the tree to stand in front of her, a little uneasy about the answer.
“Our consciousness dies when our bodies do. Well, at least in most cases. The piece of soul that animates me is the memory of the consciousness of Kikyou. Within Kagome’s body lies the memories of consciousness of all the lives we have lived. Do you understand?” she said, as if I wasn’t bright enough to follow her words. I repressed a grimace and nodded.
“Although the soul remains the same, each life is born with a new consciousness, a new personality, along with personal situations and upbringing, which can cause a reincarnation to be a completely different person than the life before her.
“Our souls were always meant to be together, InuYasha, don’t you understand that?” she said pleadingly, and I could feel a revelation coming.
“Just as I was reborn into Kagome to release you from your purgatory, you would be reborn as well, and we will find each other again. Face it, InuYasha, she was never meant for you. She doesn’t belong in this world.”
The stark silence stilled the earth around me as everything Kikyou said clicked into place. We were meant for each other, that I had known since the first time Kikyou asked me to sit with her, instead of trying to harm me. She was right, absolutely right! Her astounding logic couldn’t be argued with....but....
“You must choose, InuYasha. You know what will happen if she stays in this era, separated from her family. She will die at the hands of a youkai, pointlessly and shamefully, without ever having realized her full power. Please, InuYasha...” she begged me to choose. We stood next to each other, within embracing distance, but not touching.
“I’ll...I’ll really find her again?” I swallowed hard. “She won’t be left alone, will she?” I asked.
“Another has already been born in your place in her time, InuYasha. He knows her world, and will be able to comfort her and understand her in ways which you never will.” she said, trying to soothe me, but instead my hackles rose at the idea of Kagome in someone else’s arms, no matter if he was my reincarnation or not. I understand her plenty! And even if I didn’t, I sure as hell could try my best.....it’s not like she was really that hard to figure out most of the time, anyway...
Still, Kikyou moved forward and rested her head on my chest, and I could give no argument. My soul would repay for the sins of this life, in order to be with Kagome in the next. I made my decision then, and prayed to whatever Kami would listen to a filthy hanyou that I would be reunited with her soon.
She wrapped her arms around me, and suddenly I felt rather sleepy, and gratefully leaned into her embrace, closing my eyes before I saw the smirk on her face. By the time the portal to hell had opened, I could neither feel nor hear the demons rushing past me.
Suddenly, air was rushing past us as we fell through darkness, for how long I don’t know. I tried to use my youkai powers to slow my fall, but they seemed to be on hiatus. While I was scrabbling around me, trying to find something to hold on to, Kikyou fell gracefully, diving sideways and seeming to forget about my presence.
Finally, a grey landing place appeared, and Kikyou landed on her feet, while I fell on my face, a bit out of sorts.
“Kikyou?” I asked as I stood up, feeling more than a little uneasy in the desolate, silent place. She didn’t answer me as she started walking.
I tried to follow her, thinking perhaps this was the hell in which we would wait the five hundred years to be reborn, but I found that I couldn’t move!
“Kikyou!” I shouted, but she neither looked nor even heard me as she strode away, bow in hand. I watched horror as she walked into the distance, hair swinging as if waving me goodbye. I felt as if I had been chained down with weights that I could never dream of lifting, and I let out an anguished cry at the thought of being trapped here for eternity without her.
“Ha ha ha ha, foolish hanyou. You’ve been had.” said a rich, deep voice. I somehow managed to turn my head as Kikyou disappeared into the mist, to lay my eyes upon the biggest demon I’d ever seen.
It was easily taller than those huge ‘skyscrapers’ in Kagome’s time, and at least three times as wide. He had purplish, striped skin and a great leering face, not unlike those emulated on samurai masks.
“Wha-whaddaya mean?” I asked, a fearful quiver in my voice that I was instantly ashamed of. To my horror, the feeling of being chained down morphed into feeling as if my entire body was encased in rock, barley able to budge the muscles on my face, let alone wiggle a finger or two. I was frozen.
“Well, you wouldn’t be stuck here if you hadn’t been tricked by some sort. Can you move at all?” he asked, and I found myself wildly wondering why he didn’t have a booming voice that rang in my ears. Indeed, it seemed he was almost looking pityingly at me.
“N-no.” I replied, and his smile widened.
“Then that’s that. You’ve been tricked, bamboozled, had the wool pulled over your eyes, one demon short of a thousand, had your leg pulled, you sheep shaved, your marbles-”
“OKAY! I get it.” I said miserably.
“So what did she tell you?” I glared at him now that I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to eat me.
“Common, it’s written all over your face. Some treacherous woman sweet talked you into coming down here with her, and apparently she left her soul behind in order to remain technically alive, leaving you here all by your lonesome. Save for me of course. Happens more often than you would think. So....what did she tell you?” the demon asked matter-of-factually.
The horror washed over me. How did I not see it? Kikyou TOLD me that all that animated the body she inhabited was her consciousness, whereas I had my entire soul. OF CORSE I would be left alone, and kami knows what happened to Kikyou.....I’m a FOOL!
“She...She said that we would be reborn together...” I stuttered, my heart breaking.
The giant demon froze for a moment, and then burst out laughing, spraying spittle all over my face (and here I was, unable to at least wipe it away.)
“You’re even more of a fool than you look!!! AH HAHAHA!!!” he yelled out. I wished I could bow my head in shame, but my entire body was now completely frozen, save for my face, it seemed
“Humans get reincarnated all the time, yes.....but DEMONS have no immortal souls, only immortal bodies! Hanyou or not, your under the demon category for this one, sunny. Once you die, your dead! How on earth did you not know that?”
Disbelievingly, I could think of no reasonable argument. No one had really taken it upon themselves to explain the basic workings of the afterlife. I always thought I knew enough to get by....how had I managed to skip over that important detail?
“Well, prepare to spend eternity with Me.” he grinned, and turned to lean back on his hands, the grin never leaving his face, though the sparkle in his bulbous eyes dimmed.
“Where exactly am I?” wondering if I’d ever get to change position. Standing upright and perfectly still this long was putting a bit of a strain on my muscles.
The demon looked around himself questioningly, as if he too had just gotten here.
“Not Purgatory.” he said. “But close.” I then wished I had more control of my face so I could send him my favorite scowl.
We spent a few moments or a few weeks in silence, which one I’m not sure. The huge demon looked off into the distance, as if watching a show that was invisible to me. I didn’t really want to contemplate the fate that I had thrown myself into at the moment, so I decided to be sociable.
“What’s your name?” I grumbled, starting with the basics.
“Don’t got one.” he answered. I raised my eyebrow.
“What are you doing here?” I tried again.
“I dunno.” he said with a shrug, although the gleam had returned to his eyes, telling me he was teasing me. Well, that’s just fucking fantastic, exactly what I need at a time like this!
“How long have you been here?”
“Who can say?”
“God dammit!”
“Well, you mouth is certainly foul enough for hell.” the giant demon said. He then heaved a great sigh. “I have no story to tell you, little hanyou, so you might as well tell me yours.”
“And why the hell would I do that?” I replied nastily
“Why the hell not?” he asked back, nothing but good nature in his voice.
I put as much hatred into my eyes as possible, but he just sat there blinking at me. After a few moments of glaring, I relented with an exhale of acceptance.
“What the hell, I’m going to be spending the rest of eternity with you, might as well spill on my life story.” I relented, and took a deep breath.
“My mother was a lord’s daughter, and my father was the Inu no Taisho...”
________
“And then she still wants to be with me, can you believe that? I basically shove it in her face that my loyalty is to Kikyou, and she still wants to be with me! I don’t even think she really cared about the jewel. I mean, she’s always so fucking noble about it, sure. She was the one who practically gave her life in her own time up to make sure that it didn’t end up in evil hands like Naraku, but.....I-I dunno, she’d have to have some serious feelings for me to put up with all my shit, right?” I rambled. It was strangely therapeutic to get everything off of my chest, and I was actually enjoying talking about myself to this guy. He laughed in all the right places, didn’t seemed to judge me, and was pretty sympathetic for a demon....or whatever he was.
“I think you’re a fool for not realizing it sooner. The poor woman has fallen completely in love with you, if what you say is true. I know if I were a miko, I’d have purified your sorry hide the moment you accused me of doing ANYTHING with an ookami youkai the first day I met him. You basically called her a slut. Especially since the idiot announced he loved her to his entire clan right when you showed up. It was so obvious he was just trying to get on your nerves.”
“Something tells me that wasn’t the only thing he wanted to get on....” I grumbled under my breath. “But you’re right....I just wish she wouldn’t stick up for the idiot!”
“I think the unwavering loyalty she has shown you when you are sticking up for your ‘other person’ sort of gives way to the fact that she really only thinks of him as friend.” If my ears could move, they would have drooped a little.
“When you put it that way.....it seems like she would have been better off with him.” I said. I still couldn’t believe I was being this open with someone...but perhaps my circumstances allowed me a reprieve.
“Oh, yes, most definitely.” he said. I froze. What the hell? I thought this guy was on my side!? It’s not like there was anyone else here to tell him what an asshole I’ve been, so why would he...
Wait.....
“What do you think’s gonna happen to her?” I asked, not bothering to argue with him.
“She’ll probably go back to her own time once her wounds heal, sulk for a couple weeks, maybe a month or two, and forget about you and move on with her life.” he replied honestly. I rolled my eyes.
“Maybe marry that ‘Homo’ guy you were talking about, too.” he added casually. I couldn’t stop the fierce growl that came out of my throat. To my fury, the giant just laughed. I mentally hung my head.
“So long as she’s safe, and happy...” I said, trailing off the ‘I don’t care’ part, intentionally. I do care. I care a lot, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I was dead. Well....I thought I was dead, really sort of hard to say, seeing as I can still feel my heart beating in my chest. But that didn’t really mean anything. I was still stuck there.
The giant sobered up immediately. He sat and stared at me for a long while, and I was horrified to find that I had an itch....right on my face. My lips must have been twitching ridiculously, but the giant just sat there and stared. I was about to ask him to help me out, even though the tip of his finger was roughly about as tall as I was, when he opened his mouth with what I swear was a sentimental look in his eye.
“You loved the living one.” he said. My eyes widened and then closed. It wasn’t a question, but it deserved an answer.
“I’d give my life if it meant she was happy.” I stated, and I felt as if a weight had shifted on my chest. “So yeah, yeah I guess I do love her.”......and the weight got lighter.
“Baka, you already have. Didn’t you say that you thought you’d be reborn into someone that would ‘understand her’?” he asked, saying the last two words obnoxiously.
“Yeah.....guess we’re both screwed now, huh? But she’ll get over me....”
I honestly wanted to know what was going on that I felt like spilling my guts to this guy not one day after I met him (I think....time is sort of weird here), but it felt good. Something tells me he wouldn’t fall for my ‘anti-social’ act, seeing as he was the only other one there. I briefly wondered if perhaps the not-purgatory had paired me up with him, to try and help clear my soul. I was half human after all. It could happen...right?
“I don’t see you getting over her. And what about Kikyou?” he asked.
“Keh. What about her?” I said.
“You loved her too, right? You wouldn’t have done what you were going to if-”
“And a fat lot of good came out of that, didn’t it? I might as well face it, Kikyou was right, I’m a curse on the world and all people who get close to me. Kagome would just end up dying in my care, or worse yet, I’d die and then whatever killed me would have her for a snack if I tried to stay with her. She’s way better off without scum like me hanging around her.” I answered, my self-loathing rising in my stomach.
“You’ve done a pretty good job of protecting her so far.” he reasoned.
“Feh, barely. You know how many times she’s been kidnapped, cursed, almost killed, and just plain old gotten the shit beaten out of her just because she hangs around in this world? I should have stuck around to make sure she got through the well okay, but other than that, things did sort of work out for the best.” I said miserably.
“You call being stuck in this prison with me ‘the best’?” he said, amazed.
“The best for her. Keep her away from deceitful bastards like me.”
The giant nodded, although I could tell he didn’t really understand what I was getting at.
“When she realizes that guys like me are just going to hurt her, she’ll stay away from them, and she’ll...you know....be okay.”
“And just what kind of guy are you, InuYasha?” the giant asked wisely. To be honest, I almost answered ‘a hanyou’, but that wasn’t really an answer to the question. As a matter of fact, I had no idea as to how to answer the question.
“Some one not good enough for her.” I finally replied, figuring that would be good enough answer. The giant sent me a suspicious look.
“Can you think of any man who is?”
Aww, shit, that one’s even worse than the last. This guy really knew how to pile it on. If I honestly thought about it, my inner clock says I’ve spent roughly a day with him now, and I’d spilled more to him than other person in my life. I wish I could say that Kagome was that person, but despite everything I had shared with her about my past and my feelings, I’d never even hinted about my feelings for her. So this guy was number one. Lucky me.
“No.” I answered honestly. I really wanted to turn my nose away from him...
“Hmmm....” he looked at me appraisingly. “I know who you’re going to be thinking about for the next eternity.” he said with a laugh. I snorted.
“Keh, no kidding.” It felt sort of good to have a ‘manly’ conversation. Couldn’t ever have those with the houshi....he always brought up something lecherous whenever we ended up talking seriously.
There was a lot of pity in his eyes, and we fell silent again. I could tell he was contemplating my fate even more than I was, and the quiet made me grow uneasy.
“You know, before she sucked you into the ground, you prayed to any kami that would honor the wishes of a hanyou. We have never received even a wandering thought from you before, and the first and probably only time we hear from you, it’s so you’ll be reunited with this girl.”
To say I was struck dumb would be the understatement of the millennia.
“You-You’re a kami?” I asked, the fear even more evident in my voice than before.
“Of course, what else could I be?” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“W-well I wasn’t exactly expecting to run into a kami in hell, so you’ll forgive me for being a little surprised!”
“You’re not in hell, boy, keep your fundoshi on.” he chuckled at me. Here I was, in the presence of a god...and he was talking to me like he was my buddy!
“Like I said, like purgatory, but not. A place to think, to relent, regret, realize, and a whole bunch of other important words.” he smiled.
“Okay, seriously, what’s your name?!” I asked him incredulously, still not quite believing my situation.
“I told you I don’t have one. But you believe in me now, don’t you? That means you may give me one. Give me homage, build me a shrine, that sort of thing.” he said smugly.
“I find it difficult seeing my self give worship to anyone, let alone moving enough to build you a shrine. Besides, what have you ever done to deserve one, huh?” I asked, feeling cocky. I guess the magnitude of the situation had driven me a little crazy.
“Nothing yet. Although I seem to find myself in a situation where I can do something worthy of my stature.” he answered mysteriously.
I raised an eyebrow as something white drifted across my vision, and I found myself being distracted.
“Oh yeah?” I said lazily, watching the white things. “What’s that?” I managed to ask. They looked like big snowflakes...
“Answering the prayers of a lonely hanyou, of course. And why stop with you? All hanyou have a bit of human in them, and are therefore deserving of...”
I stopped listening to him as the big snowflakes grew in number. My mind felt fuzzy and peaceful, and I noticed that they weren’t big snowflakes, they were sakura petals....how strange, I thought...I hadn’t seen any sakura trees around here...
I felt gigantic fingers around my stomach, perching me on his palm, yet I couldn’t bring myself to care, even as a brutal force flicked me from his hand skyward, and suddenly, all I could see were sakura petals....they smelled like Kagome’s hair, a little...
(author's notes)
Haha, weren't expecting that, now were you? This is the part that deviates the most from 'Abandonment'. So what didja think? Good? Bad? Decent? Who the hell let this crazy retard on the internet? Reviews are much appreciated, and I'll answer any questions short of revealing the end!
SplendentGoddess: Thank you so much for reviewing, I love your work! 'Red Eyes, Warm Heart' is one of my favorites of yours, as are 'While She's Sleeping' and 'Mating Season', so to get a response from you had me doing the patented fangirl squeal.
A very helpful reviewer found the story for me! (<3 sherezade, another great author)
I have yet to get feedback from the other author, but you guys have to check out her one-shots, they kick some serious angsty-but-happy-endings butt!
Author: Akihana
Story in which this is slightly based: Abandonment
Enjoy....kinda...
It seems fate just wants to pile as much as it can onto my conscience, because it happened when I was off protecting Kikyou...again. We were right in the middle of battling Naraku, and I was SO sure we were going to defeat him this time. There we were, me with the Tessaiga, Sango with the Hiraikotsu, Miroku with his Kazaana and sacred sutras, and Kagome with her sacred arrows, and even my bother with Tokijin. We were a strong, united front, unstoppable, I was sure.....until I heard a pained cry from my left, and ran off immediately to go aid Kikyou, who had been struck with one of Naraku’s tentacles upon her arrival. As soon as I left our line of defense, all hell broke loose. Naraku attacked with every demon power in his arsenal, and seeing as I left a sizable gap in our line at exactly the worst possible moment, the preceding war was more vicious and deadly than I ever dreamed.
Before I could even turn my heel to return when I found that Kikyou was basically alright, Kagome let loose an arrow with more spiritual power loaded into it than I had ever seen before, and coupled with a huge blast from Tokijin, the combination of demonic and spiritual power hit Naraku with a fatal blow, followed closely with several sutras and Hiraikotsu. I couldn’t help a burst of jealousy I felt towards Sesshomaru then. It should have been the Wind Scar that gave that blow with her arrow, not Tokijin.
Naraku attempted one last blow before his injuries bested him, and clumsily tossed a tentacle at Kagome, who was still radiating dangerous spiritual energy. I was running as fast as my feet would take me, but instead of piercing her, it fell heavily, knocking her to the ground and dragging across her back, tearing the skin along right with it. The scent of her blood hit me like a ton of bricks, and I used the Wind Scar to decimate what remained of Naraku.
But it was too late. Her back had been torn to shreds, and she was losing more and more blood by the second. As gently as I could, I wrapped her up in the fire rat and carried her away from the battle field, ignoring the look Kikyou gave me for once.
My friends followed after me on Kirara, and to my surprise, Sesshomaru flew behind us. When I got to Kaede’s, she didn’t say a word as she had me lay Kagome on her stomach to treat her wounds. She basically shoved me out the door when it came time to remove her clothes, though. I tried to tell her that I wanted to stay by her side and that it was impossible to have ecchi thoughts when she had an injury as bad as that. But she didn’t believe me, and as soon as I walked out the door, I turned to be face-to-face with my brother.
“What the hell do you want, bastard?” I asked, holding on to Tessaiga’s sheath.
“At ease, InuYasha. I wish to inquire about the condition of the....living miko.” he said, his face expressionless. Didn’t stop the smugness in his voice, however, the bastard.
“And why the hell would you care?” I asked.
“Although her presence was not needed, it did help to speed the death of our foe. I would not wish to see the one who managed to escape death from me, and help deal the final hit to Naraku, die by his last blow.” he replied elegantly.
“Would you revive her, if her wounds got too serious?” I asked, not voicing aloud my true fears. Sesshomaru paused for a moment, then I could have sworn he smirked a little.
“I could, I suppose.” was all he answered. He must have been able to smell her condition by then, so he simply turned and walked away, leaving me a bit dumbfounded but nonetheless grateful, despite the fact that there was no need for the offer.
Three days passed and Kagome didn’t wake. Sango and Miroku kicked me out of the village because I kept snapping at everyone. I guess I was a little on the edge, but who could blame me?
I snuck into Kaede’s hut at night, and kept rubbing salve into her back when everyone else was resting. She never roused once, but I’ll be damned if she didn’t know I was there, helping her.
That morning, Sango reamed me out when she woke up to me sleeping upright next to Kagome and scaring the crap out of her, so I went out to the Goshinboku to get away from everyone.
I should have smelled her coming, but I guess I was a little preoccupied. Kikyou appeared in the trees, her soul catchers mysteriously missing.
“InuYasha, it is good to see that you’re well.” she said politely. “And my reincarnation?”
“Kagome will be okay.” I replied, wondering why she refused to use Kagome’s name.
“You know that Naraku decimated the jewel.” she informed me. My ears perked up at this. I hadn’t even thought of the jewel until now.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Just as the jewel can be purified out of existence with a pure wish, it can also disappear into darkness with a truly evil wish. I do not know what he wished for, but it seems that the jewel died with him.”
“Good.” I said. “That’s good. It’s all over then.”
A strange look came over Kikyou’s face.
“You know what that means, don’t you InuYasha?” she said. I perked an eyebrow before the full meaning of what she said washed over me. I had an obligation.
I really didn’t want to go, and I looked longingly to the village, but Kikyou saw my gaze.
“I died, to follow you. I’d rather be dead than without you.” she told me. The implications of her words would have knocked me off my feet fifty years ago, but I had already repeated them inside my head for a long time now, so the effect was lost a bit.
“That’s why you were reborn in Kagome. To find me again, because we didn’t die together.” I said a bit cheekily. I guess I was feeling bitter about Kagome’s injuries, and jumped on the chance to take it out on someone, even if she didn’t deserve it. But hell, when did I ever admit to being a fair guy?
“My soul is my own.”
“Then how come you’re reanimated with a piece that came out of her?” this was an actual question that had been bothering me for some time now, and I was anxious to know the answer.
“Allow me to reiterate. My consciousness is my own, as is yours.” she said. I quirked an eyebrow.
“What are you saying?” I asked as I jumped down from the tree to stand in front of her, a little uneasy about the answer.
“Our consciousness dies when our bodies do. Well, at least in most cases. The piece of soul that animates me is the memory of the consciousness of Kikyou. Within Kagome’s body lies the memories of consciousness of all the lives we have lived. Do you understand?” she said, as if I wasn’t bright enough to follow her words. I repressed a grimace and nodded.
“Although the soul remains the same, each life is born with a new consciousness, a new personality, along with personal situations and upbringing, which can cause a reincarnation to be a completely different person than the life before her.
“Our souls were always meant to be together, InuYasha, don’t you understand that?” she said pleadingly, and I could feel a revelation coming.
“Just as I was reborn into Kagome to release you from your purgatory, you would be reborn as well, and we will find each other again. Face it, InuYasha, she was never meant for you. She doesn’t belong in this world.”
The stark silence stilled the earth around me as everything Kikyou said clicked into place. We were meant for each other, that I had known since the first time Kikyou asked me to sit with her, instead of trying to harm me. She was right, absolutely right! Her astounding logic couldn’t be argued with....but....
“You must choose, InuYasha. You know what will happen if she stays in this era, separated from her family. She will die at the hands of a youkai, pointlessly and shamefully, without ever having realized her full power. Please, InuYasha...” she begged me to choose. We stood next to each other, within embracing distance, but not touching.
“I’ll...I’ll really find her again?” I swallowed hard. “She won’t be left alone, will she?” I asked.
“Another has already been born in your place in her time, InuYasha. He knows her world, and will be able to comfort her and understand her in ways which you never will.” she said, trying to soothe me, but instead my hackles rose at the idea of Kagome in someone else’s arms, no matter if he was my reincarnation or not. I understand her plenty! And even if I didn’t, I sure as hell could try my best.....it’s not like she was really that hard to figure out most of the time, anyway...
Still, Kikyou moved forward and rested her head on my chest, and I could give no argument. My soul would repay for the sins of this life, in order to be with Kagome in the next. I made my decision then, and prayed to whatever Kami would listen to a filthy hanyou that I would be reunited with her soon.
She wrapped her arms around me, and suddenly I felt rather sleepy, and gratefully leaned into her embrace, closing my eyes before I saw the smirk on her face. By the time the portal to hell had opened, I could neither feel nor hear the demons rushing past me.
Suddenly, air was rushing past us as we fell through darkness, for how long I don’t know. I tried to use my youkai powers to slow my fall, but they seemed to be on hiatus. While I was scrabbling around me, trying to find something to hold on to, Kikyou fell gracefully, diving sideways and seeming to forget about my presence.
Finally, a grey landing place appeared, and Kikyou landed on her feet, while I fell on my face, a bit out of sorts.
“Kikyou?” I asked as I stood up, feeling more than a little uneasy in the desolate, silent place. She didn’t answer me as she started walking.
I tried to follow her, thinking perhaps this was the hell in which we would wait the five hundred years to be reborn, but I found that I couldn’t move!
“Kikyou!” I shouted, but she neither looked nor even heard me as she strode away, bow in hand. I watched horror as she walked into the distance, hair swinging as if waving me goodbye. I felt as if I had been chained down with weights that I could never dream of lifting, and I let out an anguished cry at the thought of being trapped here for eternity without her.
“Ha ha ha ha, foolish hanyou. You’ve been had.” said a rich, deep voice. I somehow managed to turn my head as Kikyou disappeared into the mist, to lay my eyes upon the biggest demon I’d ever seen.
It was easily taller than those huge ‘skyscrapers’ in Kagome’s time, and at least three times as wide. He had purplish, striped skin and a great leering face, not unlike those emulated on samurai masks.
“Wha-whaddaya mean?” I asked, a fearful quiver in my voice that I was instantly ashamed of. To my horror, the feeling of being chained down morphed into feeling as if my entire body was encased in rock, barley able to budge the muscles on my face, let alone wiggle a finger or two. I was frozen.
“Well, you wouldn’t be stuck here if you hadn’t been tricked by some sort. Can you move at all?” he asked, and I found myself wildly wondering why he didn’t have a booming voice that rang in my ears. Indeed, it seemed he was almost looking pityingly at me.
“N-no.” I replied, and his smile widened.
“Then that’s that. You’ve been tricked, bamboozled, had the wool pulled over your eyes, one demon short of a thousand, had your leg pulled, you sheep shaved, your marbles-”
“OKAY! I get it.” I said miserably.
“So what did she tell you?” I glared at him now that I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to eat me.
“Common, it’s written all over your face. Some treacherous woman sweet talked you into coming down here with her, and apparently she left her soul behind in order to remain technically alive, leaving you here all by your lonesome. Save for me of course. Happens more often than you would think. So....what did she tell you?” the demon asked matter-of-factually.
The horror washed over me. How did I not see it? Kikyou TOLD me that all that animated the body she inhabited was her consciousness, whereas I had my entire soul. OF CORSE I would be left alone, and kami knows what happened to Kikyou.....I’m a FOOL!
“She...She said that we would be reborn together...” I stuttered, my heart breaking.
The giant demon froze for a moment, and then burst out laughing, spraying spittle all over my face (and here I was, unable to at least wipe it away.)
“You’re even more of a fool than you look!!! AH HAHAHA!!!” he yelled out. I wished I could bow my head in shame, but my entire body was now completely frozen, save for my face, it seemed
“Humans get reincarnated all the time, yes.....but DEMONS have no immortal souls, only immortal bodies! Hanyou or not, your under the demon category for this one, sunny. Once you die, your dead! How on earth did you not know that?”
Disbelievingly, I could think of no reasonable argument. No one had really taken it upon themselves to explain the basic workings of the afterlife. I always thought I knew enough to get by....how had I managed to skip over that important detail?
“Well, prepare to spend eternity with Me.” he grinned, and turned to lean back on his hands, the grin never leaving his face, though the sparkle in his bulbous eyes dimmed.
“Where exactly am I?” wondering if I’d ever get to change position. Standing upright and perfectly still this long was putting a bit of a strain on my muscles.
The demon looked around himself questioningly, as if he too had just gotten here.
“Not Purgatory.” he said. “But close.” I then wished I had more control of my face so I could send him my favorite scowl.
We spent a few moments or a few weeks in silence, which one I’m not sure. The huge demon looked off into the distance, as if watching a show that was invisible to me. I didn’t really want to contemplate the fate that I had thrown myself into at the moment, so I decided to be sociable.
“What’s your name?” I grumbled, starting with the basics.
“Don’t got one.” he answered. I raised my eyebrow.
“What are you doing here?” I tried again.
“I dunno.” he said with a shrug, although the gleam had returned to his eyes, telling me he was teasing me. Well, that’s just fucking fantastic, exactly what I need at a time like this!
“How long have you been here?”
“Who can say?”
“God dammit!”
“Well, you mouth is certainly foul enough for hell.” the giant demon said. He then heaved a great sigh. “I have no story to tell you, little hanyou, so you might as well tell me yours.”
“And why the hell would I do that?” I replied nastily
“Why the hell not?” he asked back, nothing but good nature in his voice.
I put as much hatred into my eyes as possible, but he just sat there blinking at me. After a few moments of glaring, I relented with an exhale of acceptance.
“What the hell, I’m going to be spending the rest of eternity with you, might as well spill on my life story.” I relented, and took a deep breath.
“My mother was a lord’s daughter, and my father was the Inu no Taisho...”
________
“And then she still wants to be with me, can you believe that? I basically shove it in her face that my loyalty is to Kikyou, and she still wants to be with me! I don’t even think she really cared about the jewel. I mean, she’s always so fucking noble about it, sure. She was the one who practically gave her life in her own time up to make sure that it didn’t end up in evil hands like Naraku, but.....I-I dunno, she’d have to have some serious feelings for me to put up with all my shit, right?” I rambled. It was strangely therapeutic to get everything off of my chest, and I was actually enjoying talking about myself to this guy. He laughed in all the right places, didn’t seemed to judge me, and was pretty sympathetic for a demon....or whatever he was.
“I think you’re a fool for not realizing it sooner. The poor woman has fallen completely in love with you, if what you say is true. I know if I were a miko, I’d have purified your sorry hide the moment you accused me of doing ANYTHING with an ookami youkai the first day I met him. You basically called her a slut. Especially since the idiot announced he loved her to his entire clan right when you showed up. It was so obvious he was just trying to get on your nerves.”
“Something tells me that wasn’t the only thing he wanted to get on....” I grumbled under my breath. “But you’re right....I just wish she wouldn’t stick up for the idiot!”
“I think the unwavering loyalty she has shown you when you are sticking up for your ‘other person’ sort of gives way to the fact that she really only thinks of him as friend.” If my ears could move, they would have drooped a little.
“When you put it that way.....it seems like she would have been better off with him.” I said. I still couldn’t believe I was being this open with someone...but perhaps my circumstances allowed me a reprieve.
“Oh, yes, most definitely.” he said. I froze. What the hell? I thought this guy was on my side!? It’s not like there was anyone else here to tell him what an asshole I’ve been, so why would he...
Wait.....
“What do you think’s gonna happen to her?” I asked, not bothering to argue with him.
“She’ll probably go back to her own time once her wounds heal, sulk for a couple weeks, maybe a month or two, and forget about you and move on with her life.” he replied honestly. I rolled my eyes.
“Maybe marry that ‘Homo’ guy you were talking about, too.” he added casually. I couldn’t stop the fierce growl that came out of my throat. To my fury, the giant just laughed. I mentally hung my head.
“So long as she’s safe, and happy...” I said, trailing off the ‘I don’t care’ part, intentionally. I do care. I care a lot, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I was dead. Well....I thought I was dead, really sort of hard to say, seeing as I can still feel my heart beating in my chest. But that didn’t really mean anything. I was still stuck there.
The giant sobered up immediately. He sat and stared at me for a long while, and I was horrified to find that I had an itch....right on my face. My lips must have been twitching ridiculously, but the giant just sat there and stared. I was about to ask him to help me out, even though the tip of his finger was roughly about as tall as I was, when he opened his mouth with what I swear was a sentimental look in his eye.
“You loved the living one.” he said. My eyes widened and then closed. It wasn’t a question, but it deserved an answer.
“I’d give my life if it meant she was happy.” I stated, and I felt as if a weight had shifted on my chest. “So yeah, yeah I guess I do love her.”......and the weight got lighter.
“Baka, you already have. Didn’t you say that you thought you’d be reborn into someone that would ‘understand her’?” he asked, saying the last two words obnoxiously.
“Yeah.....guess we’re both screwed now, huh? But she’ll get over me....”
I honestly wanted to know what was going on that I felt like spilling my guts to this guy not one day after I met him (I think....time is sort of weird here), but it felt good. Something tells me he wouldn’t fall for my ‘anti-social’ act, seeing as he was the only other one there. I briefly wondered if perhaps the not-purgatory had paired me up with him, to try and help clear my soul. I was half human after all. It could happen...right?
“I don’t see you getting over her. And what about Kikyou?” he asked.
“Keh. What about her?” I said.
“You loved her too, right? You wouldn’t have done what you were going to if-”
“And a fat lot of good came out of that, didn’t it? I might as well face it, Kikyou was right, I’m a curse on the world and all people who get close to me. Kagome would just end up dying in my care, or worse yet, I’d die and then whatever killed me would have her for a snack if I tried to stay with her. She’s way better off without scum like me hanging around her.” I answered, my self-loathing rising in my stomach.
“You’ve done a pretty good job of protecting her so far.” he reasoned.
“Feh, barely. You know how many times she’s been kidnapped, cursed, almost killed, and just plain old gotten the shit beaten out of her just because she hangs around in this world? I should have stuck around to make sure she got through the well okay, but other than that, things did sort of work out for the best.” I said miserably.
“You call being stuck in this prison with me ‘the best’?” he said, amazed.
“The best for her. Keep her away from deceitful bastards like me.”
The giant nodded, although I could tell he didn’t really understand what I was getting at.
“When she realizes that guys like me are just going to hurt her, she’ll stay away from them, and she’ll...you know....be okay.”
“And just what kind of guy are you, InuYasha?” the giant asked wisely. To be honest, I almost answered ‘a hanyou’, but that wasn’t really an answer to the question. As a matter of fact, I had no idea as to how to answer the question.
“Some one not good enough for her.” I finally replied, figuring that would be good enough answer. The giant sent me a suspicious look.
“Can you think of any man who is?”
Aww, shit, that one’s even worse than the last. This guy really knew how to pile it on. If I honestly thought about it, my inner clock says I’ve spent roughly a day with him now, and I’d spilled more to him than other person in my life. I wish I could say that Kagome was that person, but despite everything I had shared with her about my past and my feelings, I’d never even hinted about my feelings for her. So this guy was number one. Lucky me.
“No.” I answered honestly. I really wanted to turn my nose away from him...
“Hmmm....” he looked at me appraisingly. “I know who you’re going to be thinking about for the next eternity.” he said with a laugh. I snorted.
“Keh, no kidding.” It felt sort of good to have a ‘manly’ conversation. Couldn’t ever have those with the houshi....he always brought up something lecherous whenever we ended up talking seriously.
There was a lot of pity in his eyes, and we fell silent again. I could tell he was contemplating my fate even more than I was, and the quiet made me grow uneasy.
“You know, before she sucked you into the ground, you prayed to any kami that would honor the wishes of a hanyou. We have never received even a wandering thought from you before, and the first and probably only time we hear from you, it’s so you’ll be reunited with this girl.”
To say I was struck dumb would be the understatement of the millennia.
“You-You’re a kami?” I asked, the fear even more evident in my voice than before.
“Of course, what else could I be?” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“W-well I wasn’t exactly expecting to run into a kami in hell, so you’ll forgive me for being a little surprised!”
“You’re not in hell, boy, keep your fundoshi on.” he chuckled at me. Here I was, in the presence of a god...and he was talking to me like he was my buddy!
“Like I said, like purgatory, but not. A place to think, to relent, regret, realize, and a whole bunch of other important words.” he smiled.
“Okay, seriously, what’s your name?!” I asked him incredulously, still not quite believing my situation.
“I told you I don’t have one. But you believe in me now, don’t you? That means you may give me one. Give me homage, build me a shrine, that sort of thing.” he said smugly.
“I find it difficult seeing my self give worship to anyone, let alone moving enough to build you a shrine. Besides, what have you ever done to deserve one, huh?” I asked, feeling cocky. I guess the magnitude of the situation had driven me a little crazy.
“Nothing yet. Although I seem to find myself in a situation where I can do something worthy of my stature.” he answered mysteriously.
I raised an eyebrow as something white drifted across my vision, and I found myself being distracted.
“Oh yeah?” I said lazily, watching the white things. “What’s that?” I managed to ask. They looked like big snowflakes...
“Answering the prayers of a lonely hanyou, of course. And why stop with you? All hanyou have a bit of human in them, and are therefore deserving of...”
I stopped listening to him as the big snowflakes grew in number. My mind felt fuzzy and peaceful, and I noticed that they weren’t big snowflakes, they were sakura petals....how strange, I thought...I hadn’t seen any sakura trees around here...
I felt gigantic fingers around my stomach, perching me on his palm, yet I couldn’t bring myself to care, even as a brutal force flicked me from his hand skyward, and suddenly, all I could see were sakura petals....they smelled like Kagome’s hair, a little...
(author's notes)
Haha, weren't expecting that, now were you? This is the part that deviates the most from 'Abandonment'. So what didja think? Good? Bad? Decent? Who the hell let this crazy retard on the internet? Reviews are much appreciated, and I'll answer any questions short of revealing the end!