InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Remembering You ❯ Clear and Full of Possibilities ( Chapter 18 )

Author Notes: Sorry for the late update everyone! But I do plan to see this fanfiction through! Enjoy the chappie!

 

Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha I don't think I would be updating this slowly. . .

 

“. . .” dialogue

`. . .' thoughts

 

 

Clear and Full of Possibilities

By Hoshi-ni-Onegai

 

Maybe it wasn't the best time. She had just finished destroying the image of her best friend. Was their night together her way of dealing with despair? Now, he wished he had waited or talked to her about it before they had sex last night. The stone of doubt sat heavily in his heart as he gazed down at the slumbering girl next to him.

 

-No use of reservation. Like a horny teenager.-

 

Inuyasha's brows furrowed in anger, the afterglow of the events from short hours before was not something he wanted to share.

 

-Not really sharing if I'm you is it?-

 

`Leave me alone. You can piss the hell out of me later as much as you want but not now. This is my moment, not yours.'

 

-You talk to me like we're different people. One in the same half-breed. . . well, that's not completely true. I'm obviously full blooded.-

 

He could feel himself ready to snap but tried calming himself down when he felt the girl curl closer to him. Glancing down at her he felt his blood quiet a bit as she saw the worried look that she held even within her sleep. Stroking his clawed hands through her hair she calmed.

 

-She'll find out eventually. . . That this kind nature you have toward her is a lie.-

 

`Leave us alone.'

 

The voice laughed as it slowly disappeared, -You'll kill her you know.-

 

The voice gone and left to his own mental turmoil he turned the words of the voice in his head. If what it said was true, he couldn't let it happen, especially since he had known about it before hand. He had convinced himself that this was his inner battle and that no one need to know about it, but now he wasn't so sure. Slipping from the sheets and pulling on a pair of black sweat pants on he decided that if something was to be done and he needed to do it now. Looking back at the girl in bed he sighed, he hated to leave her alone at the moment but he would be sure to be back as quickly as possible. Opening the door quietly he left the room.

 

Down the steps and to the second floor, Inuyasha walked toward Kaede's door when he heard someone coming out of the bathroom.

 

“Inuyasha. What are you doing awake?” Miroku said as he suppressed a yawn and scratched his head.

 

“I'll tell you, just come with me to Kaede's room. I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you both.” Without further explanation Inuyasha went to Kaede's door and knocked on it loud enough to rouse the old woman.

 

After a few minutes and some faint grumbling that could be heard Kaede opened the door, “What do you two want at this time of night disturbing an old woman's rest?”

 

“I need to discuss something with the both of you.” Kaede nodded but made no show of inviting them in. Scrunching his brows he gave a small growl. “Now.”

 

Rolling her eye she gestured both in. Settling herself to sit upon the bed she motioned for the other two to sit down as well. Miroku nodded in gratitude and sat at the end of the bed, while Inuyasha opted to stand.

 

After long moments in which he did not speak Miroku sighed, “If this truly is important I'd like for you to get on with it.”

 

Inuyasha nodded calmly, surprising both monk and priestess. This must be an important topic, it made Inuyasha somber to the point where he did not scowl in response Miroku's comment.

 

“I'm. . . I'm hearing a voice in my head.”

 

Kaede furrowed her brows, “Voices in your head? Do you think you're going mad?”

 

Inuyasha shook his head, “Not voices, just a voice. One voice, the same one every time. . . I thought I was going insane before, that's why I didn't say anything. But. . . it's saying things now and forcing me to see images. . .”

 

“What sort of images?”

 

Without answering Miroku's question Inuyasha continued, “I figured it out earlier, but with everything that happened I hadn't been able to talk to either of you yet. . . The voice. . . is that of my demon. My full demon is talking to me. Saying I'll do things that I'll regret forever.” Looking up he allowed a look of desperation to fall across his face. “If it really is my demon talking to me I need to get rid of it forever.”

 

Miroku's eyes widened, “Whoa there Inuyasha, let's not jump to actions that we'll regret later. Dispelling your demon from you would mean that you would become human. . . only human, your half demon form will be lost forever.”

 

Inuyasha nodded in understanding, “I know that, and I'm willing to do it if means I protect Kagome from myself.”

 

“I feared you would get this idea in your head after we found that spell years ago to rid you of either side of your blood. . . think through this Inuyasha, this is not something you can back out of.” Miroku attempted to reason with him.

 

“I can live with being human.” He smiled sadly, “You have all these years. . . anyways, this way it'll be better for Kagome. She doesn't need a half demon to mess up her life. If I was human it would be easier for both of us.”

 

“She doesn't care about those kinds of things, you know that.”

 

Kaede cleared her throat to get their attention. “I think it would be best to investigate the source of this voice Inuyasha, for I doubt it be your demon talking to you.”

 

“What else could it be?”

 

“I am not sure, but there is something you haven't accepted after all these years. You are your demon and your human side- they are not separate entities. Speaking with your demon is not possible.”

 

Inuyasha's widened, “So. . . I won't do everything he's saying I will? I won't kill Kagome?”

 

The other two were taken aback at Inuyasha's words, and his confession of what the voice promised. They now understood the reason for Inuyasha's immense worriment over the topic.

 

Miroky nodded, “The best way to go about finding the source would be attempting to exorcise you of any demons. . . What I'm worried about is what would happen to your own demon. . .”

 

“It may be best to suppress your demon so that it is not affected by the ritual.”

 

“Suppress? What do you mean by suppress?” His demon ears twitched in response to the idea.

 

Kaede seemed to ponder it a moment, “We'll either have to find a spell to hold your demon down, or we'll have to wait for the next new moon.”

 

Inuyasha raked a clawed hand through his bangs, “I was hoping I could resolve this a little bit sooner than that. . . the new moon just passed.”

 

“Patience is a virtue Inuyasha.”

 

Scowling he glared at Miroku, “I don't have time for patience. By the time the next new moon comes about this situation with the voice could get worse.”

 

Miroku sighed, “Fine. I'll slave over ancient scrolls and books to look for a demon suppressant.”

 

Inuyasha nodded and headed toward the door. His hand on the doorknob without turning around he threw back a sincere `thank you' and left without another word.

 

A moment after the hanyou left Miroku turned toward the aged priestess, “This probably has been going on for while.”

 

Kaede gave an exasperated sigh, “It seems Inuyasha has gotten more stubborn with age. I'm sure this voice of his has been around for a bit now, he probably wouldn't have said anything if it did not threaten Kagome like it did.”

 

“He's really worried isn't he?”

 

A small smile graced her lips as she looked toward the door in which the hanyou in question left, “It's about Kagome, of course he's worried.”

 

 

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Inuyasha's mind spun with all the possible outcomes of his voice-in-his-head problem. He sighed as he could only see this ending badly. . . maybe he had become a pessimist over the years. He was pulled out of his thoughts when he caught a faint whiff of Kagome. Looking up the steps that he was about to climb there stood a panicked Kagome. Wrapped only in his white silk king-sized bed sheets, she stood at the top of the steps with her hair tussled and sleep still in her eyes- she took his breath away.

 

“I-inuyasha. . .” Suddenly her lip trembled and she flew down the stairs with the excess sheet length fluttering behind her. She threw herself at Inuyasha wrapping him in a tight embrace.

 

The startled Inuyasha held a puzzled expression, “Kagome? Are you alright?” He examined her superficially for any signs of injury, when seeing none he sighed. “Kagome.” With the sound of his voice she held him tighter.

 

He coaxed her off him enough so that he could look into her face. Brushing away a few strands of her disarrayed bangs he spoke to her in a calming voice. “You're starting to worry me Kagome.”

 

“When I woke up you weren't there. . . I waited for you but. . . I thought you regretted what we did, that maybe I wasn't good enough-”

 

He swallowed her fears as his lips crashed onto hers. A long moment later they broke away panting, their brows leaned against one another.

 

“I don't want you to ever think like that. I don't regret anything and you weren't good.” When he felt her stiffen within his arms he kissed her pulse point and whispered hotly in her ear, “You were amazing.”

 

He grinned against her skin as he felt her pulse flutter wildly at his words. “Y-you don't have to exaggerate like that just to make me feel better.”

 

Giving a low menacing growl he pulled back to stare into her eyes, “Look, I've been imagining how our first time together would be like since the first time I laid my eyes on you. And trust me, I have a very vivid imagination. . . and what we had? So much better than anything I could have ever hoped for.” Seeing the deep blush that swept across her face to her chest he smirked and leaned down to kiss the hollow of her neck, “And so much hotter.”

 

Without saying another word or waiting for a response he swept the girl up into his arms and leapt up the steps. He stopped at the door that Kagome had left open in her haste and looked down at the girl he held bridal style in his arms. A confused expression befell her as she heard him laugh. “What's so funny Inuyasha? Do I have something on my face?”

 

“When you ran the stairs wrapped in this huge sheet I thought you looked like a bride on your wedding day, and now I'm carrying you over the threshold of my room. . . I thought it was ironic being that we already had our first time together.”

 

She smiled softly, “I didn't know you were such a romantic.”

 

Laughing he stepped into the room and shut the door with his foot. Jumping onto the bed with Kagome still in his arms he plopped down. “Back where we should be.”

 

She huffed and pulled away from him, “You're the one that left.”

 

He tugged her back toward him. She ungracefully landed sprawled across his chest as he lay propped up on the pillows. Stroking his claws through her hair he gave a rare soft smile, “I didn't want to leave.”

 

“But-”

 

Silencing her with a finger at her lips, sadness fell across his eyes. “Do you honestly think I could have left you here alone in our bed without an extremely important reason?”

 

She bit her lip as she curled herself against his body, “I just wanted you to be here when I woke up.”

 

“I know. I'm sorry.”

 

Smiling against the skin of his bare chest Kagome nodded, “You never apologize. . . I know you mean it.”

 

He sighed heavily, “I hate to think that you judge my sincerity by how often I don't show it.”

 

Shrugging she wrapped her arm around his torso, “Well you're a jerk.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Don't act surprised. Who cares anyways? You're my jerk and I accept you for every crude word that will fall out of your mouth in the future.”

 

With a flat tone he looked down at her, “Yay.”

 

A comfortable silence fell across the room as Kagome started doze off and Inuyasha receded into his thoughts. After a few beats he whispered as if you wasn't sure if he had to the courage to ask the question. “You don't do you?”

 

She yawned with her eyes remained closed, “I don't what?”

 

“. . . Regret it.”

 

That snapped her out of her sleepy state immediately. Sitting up to look him in the eye she said with all sincerity, “Of course not! Why would you ask me that?”

 

He avoided gazes with her, “I don't see why you're so surprised I asked, you even had doubts yourself.”

 

“Because you weren't here when I woke up!” She tilted her head to the side and furrowed her brows, “What makes you even think I would regret it.”

 

It was difficult to form the words, but once they started they tumbled out. “I. . . I feel like I took advantage of you when you were in state of grief. You had just destroyed an image of your best friend. . . but when I saw you and you didn't push me away. . . I couldn't control myself. I wanted to be with you and the whole world just fell away. . . I was being selfish.”

 

She didn't respond for a moment until she let out a genuine laugh. The puzzled and slightly hurt Inuyasha looked up to see that Kagome was laughing at his emotional turmoil. Scowling he turned his head away, but Kagome leaned forward laughter still within her and kissed the edge of his lips. “You're one of a kind Inuyasha.”

 

“Stop laughing.” He gritted out showing his hurt and frustration.

 

Kagome shook her head, “I'm laughing because I know you're selfish sometimes Inuyasha, and you never admit it. But the one time that you're not, you admit that you are.”

 

He peeked out of the corner of his eye to her, “So I'm wasn't being selfish?”

 

With a blush staining her cheeks she leaned forward and mumbled against the crook of his neck. “If I remember correctly, I was the one that told you not to stop.” Settling herself comfortably against him she sighed, “Anyways, if we waited for the moment when nothing else was happening and there was no confusion. . . well, we'd have a millennia old virgin hanyou on our hands.”

 

He groaned, “Are you going to keep bringing that up?”

 

She smirked, “Well it's not exactly common place for a guy to be a virgin after the age of seventeen, let alone five hundred sixty-eight years.”

 

“Five hundred sixty-four you know. I don't need you to be tacking on extra years to my life.”

 

Seeing the mock hurt in his eyes she laughed and wrapped an arm around his waist, “Please forgive me, you know I don't mean to hurt the ego of the mate I love.”

 

A wide grin crept across his face and leaned down toward her face, “Say it again.”

 

She tilted her head in question, “Forgive me?”

 

“No, after that. What you called me.”

 

Understanding came to her as she smiled softly and whispered: “Mate.”

 

“Again.”

 

Tilting her head up she kissed his eyebrow then made her way up to his dog-ears and whispered once again. “Mate. . .”

 

Tumbling her into the sheets he locked his mouth upon hers. With his firm, gentle, and all at once ravishing kiss he pulled back breathed heavily. “What did I do to deserve you?”

 

“I don't know, but I knew I was yours from the moment I saw you pinned to that tree.”

 

“I love you so much my mate.” Sealing his lips upon hers he allowed his free arm to fumble around in the drawer of his nightstand.

 

Between pressed lips she mumbled out, “I think it's a bit too late to be thinking about a condom.”

 

Finally gripping the thing he wanted between his finger he pulled his arm away from the drawer and brought it to lean over her. Rocking the evidence of his growing arousal against her sheet-covered pelvis, he smirked when he heard her moan. “That's not what I was reaching for, but if you're up for it. . .”

 

Blushing for being caught with her mind in the gutter she pouted, “Then what is it.”

 

“Should I really tell you? I like your suggestion too.”

 

“Inuyasha!” She squeaked as she felt him lick and nibble at the side of her neck. “Come on, show me what's in your hand.”

 

Tracing his claws along her curves, “Well, at the moment you're in my hands.”

 

“God, I didn't know that you were such a horny hanyou.”

 

“You really didn't think that getting some once was going to sate me did you?”

 

“Once?! I hardly call four times on my first night once!” She answered in an attempted indignation but a small moan escaped her as she felt his gentle claws trail up her body.

 

Cooing into her ear he allowed his hand to travel down the length of her left arm. “I'm sorry baby, you must be sore from last night. Let me make it up to you.”

 

With a sudden quick movement of his deft fingers she felt something cool rest upon her own. “What the?” Bringing her left hand to be at eye level she gasped. “I-inuyasha.”

 

He threaded his right hand with her left and kiss her ring finger where now rested a three stone diamond ring. “Just say yes. Say you'll be with me forever.”

 

Tears welled in her eyes and used her free hand to pull on his neck to kiss him deeply. Pulling back slightly she leaned her forehead against hers, “Yes. You don't even have to ask.”

 

“I didn't, I just told you to say yes.”

 

She smiled through her tears, “And if I said no?”

 

“I think my heart would have stopped.”

 

“You really didn't have to do this Inuyasha. I know how you feel, and you know how I feel. You know that would have been enough for me.”

 

“I know, but I want it to be official. If we get married the human world recognizes us, and if I mark you the youkai world will recognize you as mine.”

 

Stroking his hair and scratching behind his ear she shook her head, “You know you don't need anyone's recognition. This is us, this is our world and I recognize us and so do you.” She smiled widely, “But thank you asking me, I know you did this more for me and my need to finalize it with my family.”

 

“Forever right?”

 

“I'm figuring that you bought the three stone for just that reason. Past, present, and future. . . how appropriate for us.”

 

He smiled, “I'm glad you're on the same track as me. Look closely at the ring, you'll see that one of the smaller stones is tinged blue and the other is tinged amber. I'm from your past. You're in my future.”

 

“And the present?”

 

He shrugged, “Clear and full of possibilities.”

 

Kagome giggled at that, “You're really so sentimental.”

 

“I bought it in my days of youth.”

 

“Youth? You were already pushing seventy when I met you.”

 

“Fine, youther. . . I commissioned this ring the day you were born.”

 

“You sound like a pedophile.”

 

Ignoring her comment he continued, “After your birth you were lined up with all the other babies in that room. I stood at the window and even with all those infants in there I knew which one was you. . . I fell in love all over again. That day I went to the jewelers and had this made. . . took them a few months to get a hold of everything I asked for but they got it together after a while.” He chuckled a little, “When I came to the shrine on your fourth birthday and the tradition for us to hang out started I wanted to propose to you right then. . . but I thought it would be rushing it a bit.”

 

Kagome laughed, “Yeah, that would be rushing it, even for you.”

 

He snorted, “You obviously don't know how much I love you.” At his sudden confession she blushed. Seeing the redness of her cheeks he laughed. “I can't believe you still get embarrassed.”

 

Turning away from him she hid her face in the pillow. “Shut up.”

 

Chuckling, he wrapped an arm around her slim waist and kissed the area behind her ear. “Good night.”

 

 

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A month had passed and the date was now November 20th. Kagome was to take over Mr. Williams' job completely now and he was to finally retire. In his honor, the company and co-workers decided that a farewell party was in order for his many years working at the bank.

 

“Congratulations Kagome-kun, it really has been a pleasure working with you.” Mr. Williams proclaimed as he held the young woman in a caring hug.

 

Pulling back from the hug Kagome smiled sadly, “I'm really going to miss you Mr. Williams. You really have taught me so much in this past month.”

 

“Oh not to worry my dear, I will come visit every so often. It's not everyday in Tokyo where you can find a fluent English speaker.” He patted her on the head, a habit he had picked up during their short time together. “And I'll see you at your wedding. . . assuming that I am invited.”

 

Blushing but smiling brilliantly she nodded, “Of course you are! And thank you for not treating me any differently or judging me when you found out I was engaged to Inuyasha.”

 

“If he did I would have fired him anyways.” The hanyou in question stated as he walked up to the two. Extending his hand toward Mr. Williams, Inuyasha gave a rare genuine smile. “It has been a pleasure working with you all these years Mr. Williams. I can't believe you tolerated me all those years to stay with the bank.”

 

The older man shook his head. “I have nothing but fond memories when it concerns my deals with you Mr. Touken. And please, call me Evan. You are no longer my employer and I no longer your employee, I would like to think we could become friends.”

 

“I think what you meant to say was to `remain as friends.'”

 

Evan nodded as he stunned the hanyou by pulling him into a hug. “Live well my friend, and be good to her.” Stepping back from the hug he winked at Kagome. “Don't let Mr. Touken boss you around Kagome-kun.”

 

As she laughed and nodded, Inuyasha smirked, “Nah. I wouldn't even consider marrying a woman that took the bullshit that comes out of my mouth sometimes. And Evan, it's Inuyasha.”

 

Nodding he bowed in a form of formal farewell and continued on with the party.

 

 

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“What's wrong Kagome? You're not hungry?”

 

Turning her attention from the barely touched plate of food in front of her to the inquiring Shippou she smiled sadly. “I guess I don't have an appetite tonight.”

 

“Did something happen child? You did not fight with the brute of a fiancée did you?” Kaede questioned from her place at the table.

 

“Hey! I'm right here you know! And I don't see why it's always my fault when she gets even remotely sad or angry.” Inuyasha growled.

 

Kagome shook her head and reached for Inuyasha's hand under the table. Looking toward the inquiring pair she sighed, “I guess saying my `good byes' to Mr. Williams was just a little bit harder on me than I expected.”

 

“You got along well with him didn't you?”

 

She nodded toward the older miko. “He felt a little like the father figure that I didn't really have growing up.” Realizing what she had said she widened her eyes, “Oh, I'm sorry. . . I didn't mean to bring up. . . I'm sorry.”

 

As she looked about the table, she realized that no one present really had a prominent father figure in their lives either. Inuyasha lost his father when he was protecting Inuyasha's mother. Seshoumaru was probably neglected after his father had a new family. Rin's parents died when she was at a young age. Miroku's father got sucked into his own wind tunnel. Sango's father was killed with the rest of her villagers. Shippou's parents were both murdered by the thunder brothers, leaving him orphaned. The only three with possible parental figures in their lives were Kaede, Myouga, and Kirara; and even that was questionable. Looking down at her food once again she felt shame come over her for bring up such a sensitive topic.

 

“Don't worry about it Kagome-san.” Kagome looked up to see the gentle smile of Rin. “It's a difficult topic to talk about, even after the many years that have passed for all of us. But there is no need to completely avoid it. If you don't mind me asking. . . What happened to your father?”

 

A moment lapsed and Kagome contemplated the question. It was a simple one, but one she was rarely asked and one she rarely answered. “He. . . he died when I was five. . . actually I was seven, but it felt like he was gone two years before.”

 

“Was he in a vegetable state?”

 

She shook her head, her eyes were not focused on anything, as if she were in a different place. “My father, Higurashi Toyokazu, was a good man. . . or so people tell me. . . I really don't remember how he was like before everything started. When I was five years old he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that was inoperable in the past. It was a devastating blow to the family.

 

“My mother was still the young mother, still figuring family life out and my brother had just been born. Gramps was there through the whole thing, but I knew it was difficult watching his only son change so drastically. . . A few months after he was diagnosed my father started acting very differently. He was more aggressive and irritable. He was not a pleasant person to be around and a bit abusive at times. . . the doctors told my mother that the tumor was affecting a part of his brain that controlled behavior. . . I still don't know the technicalities of that, but I do remember my father being like that. . . that's the only way I remember my father. . .

 

“When you're five years old, there are things you remember and things you don't. I remember my father being there and how much I loved him, but I don't remember him being the kind person everyone tells me he was. To me, he was the angry father and I was the daughter that managed to do everything wrong. . . I wish I remembered my father in a different light, but I don't. When he died my mother said he was in a better place, that he had not been himself for far too long. It took years for my mother get over his death. . . I don't think she really has gotten over it completely. But despite all that happened, I loved my father, regardless of how the tumor made him behave.”

 

Her entire body was trembling after spilling out her story of her father. She felt Inuyasha's hand clasped firmly with hers under the table, and she felt him squeeze lightly in a form of comfort. That was a thing between them, the subtle assurances they were able to give each other without everyone else knowing.

 

“What they tell you about your father is right you know.” Kagome looked up with a questioning gaze at Inuyasha. “I knew and met him as Touken. He was one of the most honorable people I have ever met, and I was proud to call him a friend. When he started to change because of the tumor he once said that he knew what was happening to him could tear apart his family, but he couldn't control it. He said that sometimes he wished he could end his life so that his family wouldn't remember him the way he was in the last years of his life, but he said he was too selfish for that.”

 

Tears welled in her eyes as she took in Inuyasha's words. “Selfish?”

 

“Selfish to want to be around his family as long as possible, regardless of the circumstances. I didn't think he was selfish at all. Instead I thought he was brave to still be with his family even though his image would be forever distorted.”

 

Kagome nodded her head and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “Thank you for telling me this.” She smiled and looked toward the rest of the people at the table. “God, I'm just a mood killer aren't I? Let's talk about something a little less depressing.”

 

“Ritual suicide.” Everyone glared at Seshoumaru, but Kagome laughed slightly at his sarcastic comment.

 

 

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A/N: I see the story's climax in a distance. . . the distance happens to be a long ways away. . . but I see it. That's the important part. Till next time! Jaa ne! Review!