InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Revelations ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: Thank you so much for the feedback everybody!
Kagome curled up on her bed, shuddering sobs wracking her small frame. She wanted nothing more than to sink further into the softness of her comforter and find shelter from the harsh words relentlessly replaying over and over in a vicious cycle inside her head.
‘ ” That is a completely different situation, one that I don’t feel I should have to discuss with you.” ‘
Kagome buried her face into her pillow, trying to drown out the voice that broke her heart all over again.
 ‘ ” That is a completely different situation, one that I don’t feel I should have to discuss with you.” ‘
Hot tears blazed burning paths down her cheeks.  Inuyasha had said plenty of cruel things in the past, but never before had he made her feel so insignificant.
Was she really worth so little to him?
‘Have you ever really asked him? ‘questioned a soft voice in the back of her mind.
Kagome was so horrified.  ‘Are you insane? I would NEVER ask that… I don’t think that I could ever face his answer.’
‘Why not?’ the voice gently chided her. ‘Don’t you have more faith in him, or even in yourself, than that? Do you honestly believe that he would go to such lengths to protect a simple “Shard Detector”? Kikyou can see the shards, too, you know. He could have easily replaced you by now if he really wanted to.’
Kagome gripped her pillow tighter as she scoffed miserably at the voice. ‘Who says he doesn’t want to? After all, Kikyou was the one who pushed him away after her resurrection, not the other way around.’
Unwanted memories rose to haunt Kagome with the image of a pair of piercing amber eyes silently willing her to understand the words their owner could not say to her aloud.
‘I saw that look in his eyes that day when he promised himself to her! I knew then that he was trying to tell me that he chose her. We’ve been through so much since then, but there will never be anything between him and I, no matter how much I wish there would be.’
More tears slipped unbidden down her cheeks.
‘If I didn’t return to beg to stay by his side, he would have gone on without another thought about me. He’s reminded me time and time again where I stand in comparison to her. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, I’m just her “copy”. I wish to Kami that he would look at me the way he does at her, to really see me as ME... love me for ME! He won’t though, not now, not ever.’
The voice remained silent throughout her inner monologue before interjecting once more. ‘If you really believe all this, then why do you stay with him? Why don’t you come home and try to live a normal life?’
Kagome’s answer was instantaneous.
‘Because there IS no more normal life for me anymore without him! I LOVE HIM!’
She faltered after her confession, stumbling for the words to explain.
‘I know that I don’t have any right to love him. He belongs to Kikyou and he always will. They were robbed of their chance to be together, and I can’t deny that. I’m just an intruder, a reminder of what he lost. He may feel responsible for me, but the only reason he protects me is so that he can restore the jewel and fulfill his duty to her. I can’t ever hope to be anything more than a friend to him, so all I can do is stay with him as long as he’ll let me, and  cherish each moment that I have with him’.
Kagome paused and swiped at the wetness on her face before continuing with her thoughts.  
‘I can never tell him how I feel… it would just complicate things and it simply would not be fair to him.’
The voice seemed incredulous at her declaration. ‘Don’t you think that he should have a say in this? What about what’s fair to you?’
‘It doesn’t matter what’s fair to me. I want more than anything for him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. If he wants to be with Kikyou, then who am I to stand in his way?’
The voice seemed saddened by her decision. ‘Can you truly accept that you’ll never see him again if it comes down to it?’
‘Do I have any choice?”’
Kagome didn’t want to deal with the inner voice any longer. She cleared her mind of all thoughts as she continued to lie on her bed, staring blankly at the wall over her desk. As fatigue set in, Kagome let her eyelids droop, and eventually, she slipped into a light doze.
::::
High up within the dense foliage of the Goshinboku, Inuyasha rested his back against the ancient tree’s trunk and waited for his opportunity to retrieve the journal.
 He could tell that Kagome had ceased crying long ago, leaving behind an almost eerie calm in the wake of her upset. Although he could not see her from his current vantage point, the strong presence of her scent assured him that she had not moved from her bed.  Inuyasha found no comfort in her presence, though; despite his earlier decision to set things right with her, he continued to be haunted by the careless words he’d said at the height of their argument.  Kagome’s bitter acknowledgment of her so called ‘place’ with him gnawed at him continuously.
 ‘“Oh, yes, of course it is, how stupid of me. I forget my place. After all, I am just the Shard Detector.” ‘  
A soft whine managed to escape his throat.
After all they’d been through, how could she possibly think that was all she was to him?
 ‘The answer is obvious, dumbass, you’re the reason! What kind of stupid question is that?’
‘Shaddup, asshole, I know! Haven’t you ever heard of a fucking rhetorical question?’
‘Ooh, that’s a big word for you! Have you been reading Kagome’s spell books again?’
Inuyasha ignored that comment and resumed his brooding. He was in no mood to be tormented by the annoying inner voice. He didn’t need to be reminded that he was completely at fault for making Kagome feel so worthless, when in reality; nothing could be further from the truth.
Over the past two years, Kagome had proven to him time and time again just how precious she really was.
Kagome trusted him when others shunned him, showed him kindness and respect when others degraded him, healed him when others hurt him, and cried for him when no one else gave a damn whether he, the lowly hanyou, lived or died. Kagome taught Inuyasha to trust again, and gave him a pack to protect. Misfits though they might be, he could never hope for a more loyal group of friends, and Kagome was the sole reason that any of them looked past his heritage to see the purity of his soul. Kagome accepted every part of Inuyasha without prejudice, never feared him, never abandoned him despite all the times he’d hurt her, and never asked for anything but his friendship in return. Kagome was his best friend, his reason to be stronger and to fight harder…his very reason to breathe.  
So why was he fighting so hard against his feelings for her?
One word…Kikyou.
The voice once again interrupted his thoughts. ‘Yep, the undead bitch always seems to get in the way, doesn’t she?’
Oh, that was IT.
‘Listen here, you asshole, I told you to stop insulting Kikyou!’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah…’ If the voice had eyes, they would have been rolling. ’You know, I thought we made some progress with this Kikyou thing earlier. What happened? Did the bitch pop up somewhere along the way here and snatch your balls away again?
‘Seriously, who the fuck are you to judge me? I don’t know why I keep hearing you, but I swear to Kami that I’m gonna---‘
A sudden knock on Kagome’s bedroom door jarred Inuyasha from his rant.
‘I’ll deal with you later!’ he threatened the voice.
Inuyasha heard a faint snickering in the back of his mind. ‘Yeah, real scary threat considering I’m inside you. Just how do you suppose you’re going “deal” with me, huh?’
Inuyasha let out a frustrated growl as he dropped down through the branches to sit once more within view of Kagome’s window.
“Kagome?” Annika eased open her daughter’s bedroom door, and flipped on the overhead light. Kagome shot up and rubbed her eyes vigorously against the harsh brightness that bombarded her vision.
“Sweetie, it’s dinnertime. Where is Inuyasha?”
Kagome silently looked up to meet her mother’s gaze, letting the red and swollen appearance of her eyes answer the question for her. Inuyasha stiffened as he watched the exchange between the two women from his perch.
‘Kagome…’ Inuyasha’s heart lurched again at the sight of her.  It wasn’t often that he stuck around after a fight to see the aftermath, and now he knew why. A deep shame threatened to devour him from within as he took in the pain etched into the girl’s features.
He watched as Annika placed an understanding hand on her daughter’s shoulder, giving it a small comforting squeeze. “You two had another argument, didn’t you?” She asked gently. Kagome turned her gaze down to the clutched hands resting in her lap and nodded mutely in response.
Annika leaned down and wrapped a loving arm around the girl’s shoulders, pulling Kagome to her in a warm embrace. “Oh Dear, have faith; I’m sure everything will turn out alright.” Annika turned her head to look pointedly across the courtyard at the ancient tree. Although he was certain that she could not see him from there, Inuyasha still got the feeling that Annika sensed his presence anyway and was trying to reassure him as well.
“Come now, dinner will be getting cold soon.” Annika stepped back and offered her daughter a hand. Kagome accepted her mother’s gesture, and stood up to follow the older woman from the room.
‘Now’s my chance.’
Once the bedroom door clicked shut, Inuyasha leapt to the balcony outside of Kagome’s window, and slid through the open panel into the room beyond. As quietly as he could, he rummaged around in her desk drawer for her journal, and then grabbed his fire rat robes and sword from the pile near her closet door.  
::::
Two figures, a man and a woman, sat on the roof of the well house and watched Inuyasha behind the concealment of a spiritual barrier. Unbeknownst to the hanyou and his miko, the pair had been watching them for the majority of the afternoon, and witnessed everything that had happened up until that point.
The woman sat huddled with her knees drawn up to her chest and arms folded securely around them. She appeared to be quite saddened by the events that had just taken place, her troubled gaze never straying from Inuyasha’s silhouette as he crept around Kagome’s room. The man startled her out of her thoughts by suddenly pounding a fist against the roof tiles in frustration.
“I don’t understand! According to the tajiya, this particular trip is the last those two took before they disappeared. I can feel the power there just beneath the surface, and yet they continue to dance around each other just like they always do! Why haven’t they changed yet?”
The woman sighed and placed a placating hand on the man’s shoulder. “Have patience, Koi, I have a feeling it will happen soon.”
The man snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Apparently not soon enough! We’re running out of time. The pup’s had two years to fall in love with her, damnit! And what about the little one? We know for a fact that she’s braver than this! Why hasn’t she just come out told him already?’
The woman turned to him and began rubbing small soothing circles on his shoulder, smiling at him softly. “They are just being stubborn, Koi. We were like that once, too, remember?”
The man looked down into the woman’s rich mahogany eyes and quirked an eyebrow. “I remember nothing of the sort.”
The woman rolled her eyes and giggled. “Of course, Koi, how silly of me. I suppose you have no idea how either of your sons managed to come by such a trait.”
Amber eyes lit up in amusement. “Exactly! After all, I am nothing if not flexible!”
The woman let out another indulgent giggle as their attention was drawn back to the Goshinboku. Inuyasha, once again wearing his fire rat robes, jumped back into its branches and settled back into its embrace.  The sound of the kitchen door sliding open alerted all present that someone else was coming into the courtyard as well.
“Inuyasha?”
The reluctant hanyou hid the journal in his haori and dropped down to land on his feet gracefully in front of Annika. She held out a plate of food with a set of chopsticks to him and waited patiently for him to accept them. Inuyasha blushed deeply and bowed his head, unable to meet her gaze without guilt. Annika was the first to break the silence.
“Inuyasha, I know you two had an argument earlier. Don’t be embarrassed. I know you and Kagome will work it out.”
Inuyasha raised his eyes and gave the woman an incredulous look. “But you don’t know what I did! I was stupid and I said something that I shouldn’t have! I-I hurt her again, Mama. ”
Annika sighed as she took a seat on the bench at the base of the tree, patting the spot next to her. When the boy accepted her invitation without protest, Annika looked up into the leaves above and began her speech.
“A long time ago, I sat under this very tree with Kagome. She had just come home crying again (Inuyasha cringed slightly), and I just knew that something had happened between you two again.”  Annika turned to look him straight in the eyes.”I gave her some advice that day, and now I’m going to give it to you as well. I have a lot of faith in you, Inuyasha, you’re a good young man, and I know that you will ultimately choose the path that you believe to be right.”
Inuyasha’s eyes widened in earnest as he tried to swallow past the lump in his throat that rendered him speechless.  Annika patted his hand lightly and smiled. “In the meantime,” she again attempted to hand him his dinner “You need to eat. No son of mine is going to go hungry.”
Inuyasha quickly hid his face behind his bangs as a suspicious tingling started at the corners of his eyes. He held out his hand to take his plate and softly whispered “Thanks, Mama”.
Annika rose to her feet and said “Come inside when you are done. If you don’t want to spend the night in Kagome’s room, then I’ll make the guest room up for you instead.”
Inuyasha nodded mutely in acknowledgment as Annika turned and walked back toward the kitchen door. She paused with her hand on the handle as an odd rippling sensation in the air caught her attention.
Annika gave a quick glance at Inuyasha, who appeared to quite intent on studying the plate that he held in his hand.
“Oh, Buyo, you silly cat, come back! Here kitty, kitty!” Annika fervently hoped that the boy was too distracted to catch on to her ruse as she walked to the well house and slipped inside.
Annika stood there in the darkness and waited for the two watchers to join her.
The man and the woman stepped cautiously through the door and closed it behind them. The woman closed her eyes and pressed her hands together in a gesture of prayer, causing the rippling sensation in the air around them to shift.
She then dropped her hands and stepped forward to embrace Annika, tears running freely down her beautiful face.
“Thank you” she whispered.
Annika tightened her arms around the other woman’s shoulders. “ Don’t thank me, Iza, I love him, too.  Besides, I know you would do it for her as well.”
Iza pulled back and simply gave Annika a watery smile in response.
Annika patted the other woman affectionately on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Iza, you’re time will come soon.”
The man stepped forward from the shadows and gently grasped Iza’s shoulder. “Come. Koi, we should leave now before the barrier shifts. We can’t risk the pup sensing us too soon.” He raised his golden gaze to Annika, silently communicating his own gratitude with the warmth of his eyes. Aloud he said, “Annika, the twins will be here soon to take the next watch. We will be seeing you soon.”
The trio bid each other goodbye as the two watchers slid the well house door open and faded away into the night.  
Upon reentering the courtyard herself, Annika was relieved to note that Inuyasha was still where she left him on the bench, apparently oblivious to his surroundings as he sat there in deep thought.
::::
Late that night, Inuyasha quietly slipped back through Kagome’s window.
The girl lay in a tangle of blankets, tossing and turning in a fitful sleep. Inuyasha dropped to his knees at her side, and gently smoothed the creases in her brow away with the pads of his fingers.
Kagome let out a whimper before relaxing her countenance in response to his touch.
Inuyasha leaned forward and whispered “I’m so sorry Kagome; you’re not just a Shard Detector. You’re…you’re—mine”.  He placed a lingering kiss on her temple.
Inuyasha placed his sword against the wall and climbed into the bed beside her. Unconsciously, Kagome sought out the warmth of his arms as he pulled her to him. He lay there with her for the rest of the night, content to hold her while she slept.  
When dawn came, Inuyasha disentangled himself from her warmth and  stood up to retrieve his sword.
His final words to her as he stepped out onto the balcony hung in the stillness of the room “I promise Kagome, I’ll make it up to you.”
A/N: And there you have it! Whew! I think I must have rewritten this chapter like 50 times, so hopefully, I got it right this time. Until next time!