InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Say the Magical Words ❯ Inutaisho: Japan's Finest Self-Hired Investigator ( Chapter 11 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Been a moment, yeah I know, and I'm sorry about that. As always, that muse of mine has ran off somewhere. Or maybe someone's stolen it. Hmm... Well, anyways, here's another chapter. Enjoy!

The boys woke up to find themselves still in the living room. All of the previous guests had left and Inutaisho had thankfully put on a robe. He now sat in an over-stuffed armchair in front of a fire, legs crossed and swishing a shot of covosier in one hand.

"Good morning, boys" he said cheerily to them before downing the drink and refilling it with the contents of the bottle on the table beside him. "So, Sesshomaru. I got that gay message you left for me--" "I told you it was gay," Inuyasha cut in --"Do you wanna tell me where you really were last night?" "Not really," Sesshomaru said. Inutaisho narrowed his eyes at him. "That wasn't a question. I already know the answer, I just want to see if you'll tell the truth." Sesshomaru sighed and said, "We went to Never Never Land." Inutaisho shot out of his seat ad grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

"Boy, what'd I tell you about going near that Jackson man? And now that you're a little kid again... Sesshomaru, don't make me have to break my foot off in your ass, cause I will! Now quit dippin' and dodgin' my question and tell me where you two were last night." "Naraku's," Inuyasha finally said. Inutaisho got quiet for a moment. Then: "Oh, he done lost his damn mind!" Grabbing Inuyasha by the front of his shirt, he warped both boys into a sphere of light with him and next thing they knew, they were back at 1100 Killer's Lane, Castle No.5 aka, Naraku's.

Without even knocking, Inutaisho kicked down the door and marched into the living room to see a still unconcious Naraku on the floor. The dog lord footed him hard in the stomach. "Wake up, you lazy bastard." "Dad, he's still pregnant (remember, the blob that had come out of him returned to his body.), Inuyasha told him. "So?" "So, don't you find it at least a little immoral to kick pregnant men?" "No. Actually, I find it even more immoral for men to even get pregnant!" "If I was pregnant, would you still kick me?" "Inuyasha, if you were pregnant, I'd disown you." Back near the door, Inuyasha heard Sesshomaru say, "Inuyasha, you're acting like a chick, and nobody wants to listen to a woman. They're hear for one reason, to follow the instructions of men. So shut the hell up and let dad kick the he-bitch!"

Inuyasha quieted. A groaning on the floor announced that Naraku had finally woken up. "The the fu--" he stopped mid-sentence, noticing the one who had kicked him awake. Immediatly he hopped up and balled his fists. "Don't make me have to use my ninja skills on you!" Inutaisho knocked his pathetically formed fists away from him. "What the hell were you doing with my sons yesterday?" Instead of answering him right then and there, Naraku yawned, then went and got the snapshots of Sesshomaru that he had tooken. "You act like I was commiting some kind of heinous crime. At least he enjoyed being here." Inutaisho looked mortified, seeing the picture of Sesshomaru crawling on the ground.

"How dare you! How dare you have fun at Naraku's! You really are his son!" "No, you're my daddy!" Sesshomaru screeched. "How can I have a half demon for a father, when I'm full demon?" The room got quiet. "You know, you're right!" Inutaisho finally said. With that, he stormed out the door and down the street, the boys following him. "Where are we going, dad?" Inuyasha asked. His father didn't answer. "Where are we going, dad?" He asked louder. Still no reply. Oh, so he want to act like he don't hear me now? Okay, I got something for that! "Dad, where the fuck are we going?!" he screamed. "Don't talk to me! Anyone who stands up for he-bitches is no son of mine!"

Without warning, he transformed into his true demon form and began running. Sesshomaru conjured up his cloud and both he and Inuyasha got on. You two had a moment, didn't you? Sesshomaru heard Inutaisho ask him telepathically. "What do you mean?" he asked back, out loud. "Who are you talking to?" Inuyasha asked him. Since he was a half-demon, he couldn't hear their father. What I mean is, you two shared a Kodak moment together. That's the only way you could have gotten your powers back. You're one step closer to transforming back. "Do we really have to figure out some kind of magical words in order to get our normal bodies back?" Sesshomaru asked him. "Who the hell are you talking to?!" Inuyasha asked him again. "First sign of craziness is talking to yourself."

Once again, Sesshomaru didn't answer him and went on listening to their dad. Yes, you do. I can't undo what I've done. Only you two can. Even I don't know what the word is. I forgot it while playing that damn Star Wars game. Oh, I'm on level 19 on there! Only one more stage to go! Sesshomaru sighed. "Damn, it's gonna take forever in a lifetime to figure out what the "magical phrase" is. No thanks to the idiot mutt over there." Inuyasha growled at him. "That's it! If you want to talk to yourself, go ahead! But I refuse to be in the company of crackheads!" "How do you know that crackheads talk to themselves?" Sesshomaru asked him. "I don't, but if I had to give a definition of one, you'd be it!"

With that, he hopped off the cloud and landed on his father's back. But he wasn't counting on the fur being so thick. He immediatly started sinking in. "Wait...can't breathe...need straw...dad... should get...a haircut..." Inutaisho seemed to not have noticed and kept running. Sniffing the air, every few bounds he'd take a sharp turn here or there, until finally he lept over a gate (not noticing the playboy bunny on the front of the iron bars) and came to an abrupt halt in front of a mansion. Instead of transforming back and knocking on the door, he simply barked to alert his presence. A distraught Izayoi came running out of the house.

"In-Inu-t-taisho! What are you doing here?" Speaking telepathically to her, he said, I've come for some answers, bitch! What man-whore are you sleeping with this time? But she didn't hear him. Telepathy wasn't one of the gifts that had transfered to her when he had shared his powers. So instead, to her, it looked like he was just staring at her, slivaing heavily at the mouth like some crazed animal. "Um...was there something that you wanted?" Izayoi asked. Damn right, bitch! Who are all of these men you're suddenly with? Whose Andre 3000? Who's Nelly? Who's...Eminem? Sighing heavily to himself, Sesshomaru relayed everything his father had just said to her. "Oh...um...those are just friends..." She stuttered. Mm-hmm. And one day, I'll go to church. Inutaisho muttered to himself.

Suddenly, Izyaoi straitened up and said, "While you're asking me all of these questions, I have a few for you. Who's Keisha Cole? Who's Latoya Luckett? Who's Mary...J.Blidge?" "They're all African-American women who sing R&B." Sesshomaru told her. "Way to go dad!" "Oh, so what, light meat ain't good enough for you?" Izayoi huffed. "You gotta go out and get all the "sista's" in the world?" "You could do with more meat on your bones," Sesshomaru supplied. "Oh, okay, so now I'm not "thick" enough? Is that what this is about? So you need a black woman--" Though she went on verbally, telepathically, Inutaisho cut her off. Izayoi, I don't wanna hear that! As if two of the men you were with weren't black! And Eminem acts like he is, so might as well be, also. What, I'm not big enough for you? Tell me Izayoi, are the rumors true? Look, I don't want to turn this into a racial issue. Sesshomaru translated what he had said to her. "You know what, Inutaisho? I have a way to solve all of this. I want a divorce."

Somewhere within the confines of Inutaisho's fur, a loud shriek was immitted, but sounded more like a squeak to those on the outside. Hold up a sec, Izyaoi, Inutaisho said, for Sesshomaru to repeat to her. He violently scratched his back until a very disheveled Inuyasha fell out. Damn! That's the biggest flea I've ever seen in my life! And a strange one at that...Myouga's been busy! Finally he transformed into his normal state. "You can't divorce me! I own you! And besides, we're mates. You'd die without me." "And you without me," Izayoi said. For the first time in a ver long time, Inutaisho was begining to feel fear. "You can't do this! It's suicide!" "Anything to have your ass dead is worth it!" she said, and with that, she turned around and went back into the mansion.

Looking at Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, Inutaisho said, "Take it from me boys, never claim a mate. It's as bad as saying "I do", and once you do, you're stuck with them forever. Women tend to let themselves go after they know that you're stuck with them for all eternity. Come to think of it, how do you divorce when you're mated? The marks can't be removed. Can they...? Anyways, like I said, women tend to want to let themselves go. They never want to do anything, and are always pushing you to be a man and "get a real job and pay some bills," or "put down the toilet seat, cause I fall in it late at night" Yes, the best man, is a single man." He conjured up his own cloud and headed home, annoyed and truth be told, slightly shooken up by the day's events. But you'd never hear him say it!

Okay, so there's another senseless chapter. This was supposed to be my last, but I figured the bomb would drop kind of suddenly if I did the end now. So, stay tuned cause eventually (I'm not perfect with updating!) I'll have another chapter out! Please review!

And to only the second person to review!

Dear Vickey,

I thank you for your comments! I would have updated on the 15th, but I couldn't think of anything to write! My muse has been missing for a while. If you find it, could you please give it to me? I've sent out flyers, but I don't think they're helping! (Stupid, I know, but still...!) I've been able to update so quickly until now because I originally started posting this story on Fanfiction.Net and only recently I wanted to see who this site would handle what I've written (so far, so good. Maybe reviews have been minimal, but high numbers of views is good too!) Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope to continue having you as a fan! Thanks so much, your comments mean a lot to me!