InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Seeing Through My Eyes ❯ Contemplating Emotions ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One:

 

 

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like a big screw up? How about one where it feels like everything that went wrong was all your fault? Well, that's what my whole life is like. I'm a screw up for being a half demon, I'm a screw up for letting her down, and I'm I screw up for falling in love. But you think anyone cares? Well, she tells me that she does but you wouldn't know it from the way she's yelling at me.

 

 

“Quit your yappin'” I bark at her angrily.

 

 

“Baka! Sit!” she yells and I groan in pain as I'm suddenly thrown face first onto the hot ground,

 

 

If there's anything I hate, it's that word. If only there was some way I could get these beads off! Yeah...then who'd be on the ground? Stupid wench. Oh, wait...I can smell the salt...tears? She's crying? Great, just freakin' great. The spell wears off and I instantly climb off the ground and grab her shoulder.

 

 

“Kagome,” I say, in a voice I don't even recognize.

 

 

She doesn't answer so I turn her around so that she's facing me.

 

 

“Why do you do this to me?” she asks, tears flowing from her eyes.

 

 

Now I know why she's crying. She knows that I went to see her. I sigh and look down at my feet uncomfortably. I want to tell her that it's ok, that she doesn't have to cry, but, my mouth has a mind of it's own.

 

 

“Feh, I didn't do nothin' to you,” I mutter, but I still can't bring myself to look at her.

 

 

“I can't believe after all we've been through, you still go to see her,” she says and gives me the same speech she gives me every time I go to see her.

 

 

“Look, Kagome why does it matter to you anyway?” I ask, though I already know the answer.

 

 

“Because,” she says, “I l..lo..” she can't say it, but that's good because I don't want to hear it.

 

 

I mean, I have feelings for her too but it's hard because no matter what I do, I can't get rid of these feelings that I have for her. I still can't look at her. She's making me feel guilty, and I shouldn't because I did nothing wrong. She thinks her world is crashing down! She doesn't even know how it is for me. I know she's waiting for me. She wants me to choose. They both want me to choose. But I can't do that, not yet, maybe never.

 

 

“What do you see in her?” she asks me and I lower my ears.

 

 

I don't know what I see in her. I can't answer her question and she frowns.

 

 

“What do you see in me ?” she asks this time and I close my eyes, in deep thought.

I see lots of things. There's a never-ending list I keep in my mind of all the things I

lo-like about her. But, I can't tell her that, not yet.

 

 

“Do you...see anything in me?” she asks when I don't answer.

 

 

Gods, she looks like she's gonna cry again!

 

 

“Yes,” I say finally. “I see you. I see Kagome.”

 

 

She seems satisfied for now. At least now she won't cry. I can't stand it when she cries. I don't know what to do and it makes me feel useless. I have to look at her now, but only for a moment, just to assure her.

 

 

I raise my eyes to meet hers and I see the one thing that really makes me feel guilty. I see longing and...love? I have to look down again because I cannot return that same expression. She wants me to, but I can't, not yet, maybe never. I can't choose. Neither of them realize that they're practically asking me to do the impossible.

 

 

I always think it's funny how I can take down the strongest demons and overcome any obstacle that appears on my path, but I can't do the simple task of choosing. Maybe it's because I know that if I choose then the other one will hate me forever. The stupid thing is...I don't know how to choose. I shouldn't have to choose. The way I see it, if they both love me as much as they claim to, then they should be willing to do anything for me. If they really love me then they'll stay with me, even when I tell them to leave. They'll talk me out of something dangerous, no matter how much I wanna do it. They'll take care of me, even if I refuse help. More importantly, they'll accept me, just as I am.No, I won't be the one to choose, but I will be the one to test.

 

 

It's a new day. The sun is slowly rising in the distance. I look down at Kagome while she sleeps, a small smile is set on her lips. Her lips...they look so inviting this morning. That little smirk she's wearing is taunting me, mocking me, as if saying "I dare you." But, I know it's just me and my stupid hormones.

 

 

Lately I've been having strange dreams involving either Kagome or Kikyo, the cycle alternates. No matter whom I dream about though, I wake up soiled and soaked in my own scent. The thing that makes them strange thing is the ones with Kagome seem more...realistic, whereas the ones with Kikyo are more like actual dreams, fantasies...

 

 

I jump as Kagome mutters something that oddly sounds like my name and then rolls over, snuggling into that "sleeping bag" as she calls it. I never do see why she insists on using that thing. The ground is just as comfortable, but I guess it's just women. Feh, always gotta be treated like royalty. Despite my thoughts, I can feel myself smiling. She always looks so peaceful when she sleeps...

 

 

I can't remember when I saw Kikyo sleep... It was so long ago and I'm not sure that I ever saw her sleep period. The people of her village never were too fond of me being around. But I guess that didn't matter to me then. I just wanted the Shikon Jewel. Well, not much has changed since then, I think and then chuckle softly. I still want the jewel as much as I ever did, but for different reasons. Yes, now I think if we did find the rest of the jewel shards, I would give the jewel to Kikyo. I get the feeling she would then be able to have a body again. Well, I would give it to her after we defeat Naraku, that is.

 

 

Kagome stirs in her sleep and I sigh. Hopefully she would not bring up what had happened last night. I really didn't want to talk about it. I look down at her as she open s her eyes and yawns. She then gets up and opens her backpack to get out the contents for this morning's meal.

 

 

"It's about time you decided to get up," I growl but she just smiles.

 

 

"Good morning to you too, Inuyasha," she says.

 

 

I sigh. The woman never could hold a grudge. Maybe that's why it's so easy to be around her. She would just forgive. I can see her frown suddenly.

 

 

"What's wrong?" I ask, jumping down next to her.

 

 

"We're running out of food," she replies and I heave a loud sigh.

 

 

"Great," I mutter.

 

 

We were probably days away from the well and there was no telling when another village would appear.

 

 

"I guess if we run out I could always go hunt something," I say and smirk at her expression. She probably thought of how one of those "cute little bunnies" would look slaughtered by my claws. I never was and still am not a person to go easy on something.

 

 

The others are awakening and I groan. Shippo is rambling off about something, again. If the runt is grumpy, he should go back to sleep. I really didn't want to hear him whine.

I sit back and watch our morning routine take place. Miroku gets slapped because his hand "slipped", just like it does every morning. Shippo is crying to Kagome because I punched him for getting in my face. Kagome is glaring as she pours the Raman into the boiling water and pats Shippo's head as she lets him stir in the spices.

 

 

I smile as I found myself staring at Kagome's long black hair. I remember when I stroked her hair and couldn't help but wonder if she had hair elsewhere... I slap myself mentally and pretend to be focusing on my claws. Come to think of it, they do need a little cleaning.

 

 

Today is a normal day. After breakfast we walk for a few hours before we reach a small village who tells us of a demon that attacks them regularly. After hunting the demon down and destroying it to bits, we return to the village where we are offered shelter and food as a part of our reward. A normal, boring day.

 

 

Maybe tomorrow will be different, I think as I lean against the wall of the tiny hut. I can sense something big is going to happen but I can't put my finger on it. I get the feeling I will know soon enough...