InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sesshomaru ❯ Sesshomaru ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: If I owned Sesshomaru, I wouldn't have time to write fanfic, lol. Still, it pains me to admit I don't, never will and Rumiko Takahashi does.

 

Rating: R (for violence)
Genre: Angst
Codes: none
Feedback: Please review; I enjoy reading them and knowing that people read my stories.

 

Notes: I combined the subtitled, dubbed and fan subbed quotes from IY: Movie 3, taking the version of each line that I liked best or felt said it the best. Of course, we all have our theories on the origins of Sesshomaru and until Takahashi writes an official version, we're all entitled to them. I've been shy writing one, considering how many have been written (and better than this) but I still wanted to do my own.

 

Sesshomaru

 

A baby's cry tore through the halls in the castle. A few minutes later, the midwife's cry joined it. Inu no Taisho walked into the room at the sound and looked down at his dead mate dispassionately.

 

“So, she died, did she?” he asked. The midwife, the same one who delivered his mate into this world, looked up at him and he saw the hatred in her eyes.

 

“Yes, my lord,” she said softly, her voice betraying nothing. He looked down at the crying infant in her arms and gave a humorless smile.

 

“He will do great things some day,” Inu no Taisho said, taking the child from the midwife. “Look at the control he already has on life.” The infant had stopped crying and was blinking his great golden eyes at his father, soothed by the voice. “Sesshomaru,” he was named. The two pairs of identical eyes met for a while, then the young man that had sired him roughly shoved Sesshomaru back at the midwife. Inu no Taisho looked at the dead body of the boy's mother. “What a waste,” he sneered, then turned and left. “Get the pup a wet nurse.”

 

“Yes, my lord,” the midwife answered. She looked down at the baby in her arms with revulsion. Her mistress had been far too young to become a mother and the price had been her life. All for that horrid taiyoukai with the pretty face. Izumi had tried to warn her lady, but she was blinded by beauty and would not be moved. There was never any love in their brief marriage and a loveless child had been born of it. “Will you be as heartless as your parents?” Izumi asked Sesshomaru. The baby looked into her red eyes and scrunched up his face. “I doubt it not.”

 

Sesshomaru didn't remember the words spoken at his birth nor the event itself. He had no memories of his mother and needed none. He had a fine, powerful parent who raised him to be strong and hard. At the youkai equivalent of five, he killed his first opponent in battle. It was an accident; a random appearance of power, but it stained him. He understood that death would fall someday from his hands—he was being trained for that. But to see it happen was quite a different thing from knowing. It was not that death that took his innocence, though. He looked at the blood on his hands and wiped it on his clothing and never thought on it again. It was nothing to him that he had killed a man who had lived over seven hundred years to be taken down by a whelp during a training session.

 

He had a close friend, another dog demon like himself, but the boy was only two thirds his age. There was never any animosity between them and Sesshomaru even liked him, most of the time. Other times, the boy infuriated him with his constant inane babbling and whiney voice. He tried to teach Taro, for this was the boy's name, to speak in a more pleasant voice, but it was no use. Taro didn't particularly care about Sesshomaru's more sensitive ears. He had been born half-deaf, a defect from inbreeding, and didn't hear the difference between their voices. It was such a small thing, but it was what ultimately ruined their friendship.

 

It was another accident, Sesshomaru only meant to slap him, as he had many times before, but he aimed too low and too hard and his sharp claws tore through Taro's soft throat. He tried to apologize and hold Taro's throat back together for it to heal, but the wounds were too extensive and his friend died in his arms. When he heard the little heart stop, he went running for his father to help him, falling to his knees and pleading with Inu no Taisho to fix his mistake.

 

“Death is a permanent thing, Sesshomaru,” the taiyoukai told him. “There is no coming back from it. You must suffer the consequences of your actions. Taro is dead and it is the fault of your own short temper.” Sesshomaru screamed at his father in frustration and was backhanded to the ground. “Never forget who is stronger, Sesshomaru. I am not some helpless child or foolish teacher.” Sesshomaru cried bitterly on the ground and his father kicked him. “If you are man enough to kill, you must behave as one. Do not weep like a woman.” Sesshomaru dug his tiny claws into his hands and forced his tears to stop. He glared up at his father with hatred for this lesson and Inu no Taisho laughed at him, then walked away, leaving him on his knees.

 

“Some day, Father, I will be stronger even than you,” the little boy declared, wiping his face.

 

“I look forward to that day,” the taiyoukai called back. Sesshomaru stood and glared after his father, vowing never to forget.

 

Years passed and Sesshomaru held to that vow. When he looked at the stripes on his wrists, he saw them as the blood of those he had and would kill. He had yet to take a life purposefully, but he had also not repeated the mistake he had made against Taro. He learned to control his claws, but his temper eluded him. The servants feared him, no other lord would send their children to play with him and his father could find no other teacher than himself to train Sesshomaru.

 

Eventually, loneliness drove Sesshomaru to seek out companionship in a human village far from home where they didn't know him. At first, the mortal children were afraid of him, despite not knowing his reputation. Ultimately, one child overcame her fear and began playing with him. He didn't really know how to play with a girl, never having been exposed to one before, but she was used to playing with boys, so she taught him. Unlike Taro, who constantly infuriated him, Tamiko made him very happy. Soon, he even learned to laugh with her.

 

He went back every day for several months and the villagers got used to him. Some of the women remarked on what a beautiful child he was and he preened. His ego went from almost nonexistent to over inflated. He slowly gained a confidence he hadn't known before and became happy for the first time in his life. His training with his father improved for it, but his arrogance started getting him in trouble. Finally, he made one remark too many to his father and was punished with being restricted to the grounds. After a time, he missed Tamiko so much that he sunk into a depression. His father noticed and asked him why he was so broody.

 

“This restriction has prevented me from playing with my only friend,” Sesshomaru answered. He was roughly seven years, by youkai standards, although he was approaching eight.

 

“I did not know any of the other youkai had allowed their children to play with you. They still speak of what a foul-tempered little beast you are,” Inu no Taisho said. Sesshomaru flushed.

 

“Tamiko doesn't think so!” he protested. “And neither do any of the other women in the village!”

 

“Village?” Inu no Taisho examined Sesshomaru closely. “You made friends with a human?” he asked quietly.

 

“What of it?” Sesshomaru demanded. Inu no Taisho was thoughtful for a while, and then he turned malicious eyes on Sesshomaru.

 

“I am releasing you. Go play,” he sneered. Sesshomaru stared at his father in disbelief, and then ran back to his Tamiko. When he reached the village, though, he didn't recognize anyone. Finally, after wandering for a while, he called out.

 

“Tamiko-chan!” One of the women looked up from her baby and gasped.

 

“Sesshomaru?” she called. He looked at her in confusion. How did she know his name? He started to ask, and then he caught her scent. It was different than before, but he scented Tamiko.

 

“Tamiko?” he whispered in disbelief. He stepped forward to look at her and sure enough; her eyes hadn't changed from when he knew them on her child form. “What has happened to you?”

 

“I grew up, Sesshomaru,” she answered him with a sad smile. “I was so sad when you never came back. I thought you had forgotten me! But… it was ten years ago, Sesshomaru, that I last saw you. You haven't aged a day.”

 

“But… You've aged so much!” he protested.

 

“Yes. Humans become adults in only fourteen years,” she told him. He took a step back in horror. “I have a family now. See? This is my son.” Sesshomaru looked into the tiny face and realized that if what she said were true, the baby would grow old and die before he was an adult. He looked up at Tamiko and felt his heart lurch in pain. “Sesshomaru…” she said and reached out her hand to touch his face. He jerked away, then turned and ran from the village, as fast as he could. He had to find his father. It didn't take him long to find him and he attacked him from behind.

 

“You knew!” he yelled, clawing his father's back. Inu no Taisho spun around and knocked him to the ground.

 

“How dare you attack me!”

“You knew! You knew she would have grown up and you didn't tell me!” Sesshomaru screamed. “You bas—” he didn't get to finish the word before he was slapped in the face. Several more blows followed until he was gasping on the floor, the tears he had fought for decades streaming down his young face.

 

“Never attack me over an insect again, Sesshomaru. Learn your lesson today—humans are beneath you. They live and die faster than you can draw breath and are a waste of time. You will be here long after several generations are dead. And you are lucky they didn't kill you on sight. Mortals hate youkai; they call us evil, monsters. Count yourself blessed that you learned this thing while you are still a child. Many do not learn it until they have made the fatal mistake to fall in love with a human.”

 

“Love?” Sesshomaru repeated the foreign word. “What is that?” He sat up and glared at his father.

 

“Something that I will never wish on you,” Inu no Taisho snapped. “With a mortal, it is a dangerous thing that could produce a filthy hanyo.”

 

“What is a hanyo?” Sesshomaru asked.

 

“A halfbreed. Something neither human nor youkai, but both. Inferior to all and cursed from the moment of birth,” he answered coldly. Sesshomaru listened and believed his father. Though his methods were sometimes harsh, the lessons had always rung true.

 

“Why didn't you warn me before?” he snapped. Inu no Taisho was done talking, however, and left him there on the floor, confused and aching. He wondered how he was supposed to learn anything when he never got any straight answers from his father. Sesshomaru watched, though. He watched Tamiko grow old and die, to see that it was true, that humans really were a waste of time. When she died, his tender heart broke. It had been like reading a book—watching her life go by—and seemed to happen just as quickly.

 

The pain from her death haunted him worse than killing Taro had. He knew he had to protect himself from ever feeling like that again. So he made his heart cold until he died inside and felt nothing. No happiness, no pain; no laughter, no tears; no desire, no regret. A coldness that nothing could penetrate and he didn't even feel that. It was supposed to be the perfect state, but it was empty, meaningless. To truly not feel: putting one foot in front of the other, knowing the ground is there, but there is no proof. If he killed someone, he didn't feel their blood on his hands. When he was old enough and mated for the first time, there was no release to feel. And if he was to die, it didn't matter. There was no point to such a life.

 

But waking up from it... was the worst feeling in the world.

 

When he was sixteen by youkai standards, the father he knew died as surely as the child he had been. He had been a man on his own path for centuries, but he still came home from time to time. After all, this was his land to eventually inherit. He intended to spread it far and wide, claiming more than any of his ancestors. His father had never walked a clear path, though he seemed determined to set his son on the path of carnage. Over and over, he would goad him into slaughtering humans and youkai alike. He was numb to it from the beginning and it was nothing to him. He refused to walk such a senseless path. But conquest interested him, suited him. He was still determined to become more powerful than his father. But more, he wanted to be the most powerful youkai in the world.

 

He knew that his father intended that from the beginning. When he was young, he believed his name meant only death. As he grew, he understood that his father had expected the one thing out of him that he had failed at, time and again. Control. He had it now, in abundance. Nothing happened without his approval and if it started to, he killed it. It was easy; it was simple. Cross him and you died. Serve him and you lived. The pain that had consumed him years before was swallowed and nearly forgotten.

 

Then his world crashed down on him. His father fell in love. Sesshomaru's cold heart broke as certainly as the ice he encased it in demanded. He went on a blind rampage and slaughtered the entire household that had raised him because they would not tell him where Inu no Taisho had hidden himself. He stood in the courtyard, drenched in blood and fighting the pain inside. He pushed it down, trying to kill it as he had before, but this time, it was too much.

 

He heard the youkai he passed in the land speaking of his father's fall to a human. They spoke of his massacre, calling it an attempt to clear his family's disgraced name. They called him a murderer and many hunted him in fear. The humans who were aware of the youkai world feared him and raised an army against him, calling him a human-hating monster. Sesshomaru grew sick of the endless battles, tired of the blood under his claws.

 

He had heard his father had two katana forged by some sword smith named Totosai. One sword was of no importance to him, but the Tetsusaiga, known to slaughter a hundred youkai in one swing—that was of interest to him. No one would tell him the location of his father or his princess, believing his intention to kill them as he had the castle. It was never his intention to kill his father. He wanted to fight him, he wanted to bloody him for giving an `insect' what he had never given his own son.

 

His father had controlled him, bullied him, and forged him like a weapon. He had made him strong, proud, trained him to be cold and ruthless. He had never loved him. He never showed him what that word meant. Sesshomaru hadn't recognized it when he loved Tamiko; he had lost her without ever understanding. It wasn't a romantic love, he was just a child, but it was the first love he knew. He never known anything but fear and respect for his father, never known that he loved him. And his father had never felt anything for him. But he gave it to a mortal as though it was nothing. Sesshomaru was nothing.

 

He heard about the child eventually. The princess was pregnant, expecting a hanyo child. Sesshomaru doubled his efforts, determined that the new child would not have the sword he desired. He sent out word that he had no intention of harming the princess or the unborn child, but his vassal returned to him with news that no one would believe it. Sesshomaru was frustrated beyond reason. He hadn't seen his father in the three years he had been with the princess. It would not have been long to him, considering he often went decades without seeing Inu no Taisho, but this situation was becoming desperate.

 

He found his father and the woman, finally. He stepped into the village that he had known centuries before with a young girl named Tamiko. He slammed the walls he had built into place and the pain receded from his heart in an instant.

 

“Tamiko-chan,” he spoke aloud, testing the feel of the name. Jaken looked up at him in confusion.

 

“Master?” the little youkai asked. Sesshomaru stepped past him, satisfied that her name brought no emotions, not even a memory now. Speaking the name rid his mind of it and he concentrated on the woman carrying his father's scent. He walked to her, saying nothing. She seemed to feel his presence, because she looked up at him and her eyes grew wide. She stood and he saw the slight bulge beneath the many kimono she wore.

 

“Are you… Sesshomaru?” she asked softy. He paused and examined her in silence. Her voice was as beautiful as she, but he still could not detect what it was about her that had changed his father's opinion of humanity.

 

“He is lord Sesshomaru, son of Inu no Taisho,” Jaken answered her with arrogance. She smiled at him and he wondered what his father had told her of him. Did he speak of the `foul-tempered beast'? Did he speak of the cold-hearted killer? Or had he only mentioned that he had a son by that name. He guessed it must be the last when he saw no fear in her eyes. Considering that the rest of Japan seemed terrified to allow him near her, he could hardly believe that she had not heard the rumors that he was seeking her death.

 

“I am Izayoi,” she said to him, bowing. “Welcome to our home. Your father is not here right now…”

 

“I am aware of that,” Sesshomaru informed her.

 

“Then the rumors are true? You are here to kill me?” she asked and he saw the fear begin to fill her eyes. “I heard that you, yourself, sent out a message that you had no intention of harming me or the baby.”

 

“You are not mistaken,” he said. “I am seeking Father.” She relaxed and smiled again.

 

“He should return by nightfall. You may wait here if you like.” Sesshomaru looked around and almost turned to leave, but a nagging thought that he was running away from the village again caused him to nod to her. She bowed back. “Shall I play for you?” she asked him, “It is my customary time to practice the koto.” He nodded to her again and she bowed, then turned and walked into the building behind her. He followed her into a small room with an elaborate, expensive looking koto and he wondered if his father had bought it for her or if it had come with her. He knelt on the floor and watched as she knelt by the instrument. He relaxed and enjoyed the music for a while. She was as talented as a princess was expected to be and he was quickly put at ease by the familiar sad melody.

 

He refused to stand when he scented his father's rapid approach. He was trying to show that he had no intention of opposing his father at this time. He was tense and ready for a fight, but it would be rude to interrupt the princess' playing and he would not be accused of such a thing, so he remained seated. His father entered in a storm of power, but Sesshomaru did not look away from Izayoi. He was still trying to determine what about her it was that had changed his father's heart so thoroughly. The entire castle was populated with humans and he wondered if that was for Izayoi or if his father was more comfortable with mortals than youkai now.

 

He expected to be stuck—after all, his father had always been willing to sacrifice manners to punish him in the past. Instead, his father sank to his knees next to Sesshomaru, drawing in his youki until Sesshomaru's nerves could rest a little. They sat in silence and listened to the song finish its course. When Izayoi finished, she bowed deeply to them and Inu no Taisho returned it, much to Sesshomaru's astonishment. He had been raised to bow only to noble youkai and never mortal nobility.

 

“Come with me, Sesshomaru,” Inu no Taisho said, standing. Sesshomaru rose and followed him silently. His mind was in turmoil. He had seen the look in his father's eyes from the corner of his own and he hated it. `So, it is true,' he thought. `He loves her.' “Why have you come?”

 

“You are my father,” Sesshomaru answered. “You have never refused to see me before.”

 

“I made… mistakes with you,” Inu no Taisho said. “That I feared could not be corrected.”

 

“Your fears are well founded, Father. You are a fool.” Inu no Taisho spun on his son and Sesshomaru braced for a blow, but none came.

 

“Why did you wish to see me?” Inu no Taisho asked after a while. Sesshomaru was quiet a moment, still surprised at not being hit.

 

“I heard that you had two swords forged. Three swords is unnecessary, Father, even if one cannot cut. I would be happy to take either Sou'unga or Tetsusaiga off your hands.”

 

“And if I offered you Tenseiga?”

 

“I have no use for it.” Sesshomaru was disgusted by the offer. Why would he want a sword of healing? Perhaps his father was going insane?

 

“I knew you would say that,” Inu no Taisho said, walking away. Sesshomaru wouldn't be dismissed, however, and followed him. They were silent as they walked half the length of the village. “I was younger than you are now when you were born,” he said quietly. Sesshomaru looked at his father in curiosity. He had always believed his father to be ancient, considering that his true form dwarfed Sesshomaru's own. “Your mother was barely more than a child when I took her as a mate. She had just reached childbearing age, which is why she died birthing you.”

 

“Why are you telling me these things?” Sesshomaru asked, looking away. He had no memories or attachments to his mother and he didn't want to hear about someone else that his father had loved that wasn't himself.

 

“You don't wish to hear about what brought you into this world?” Inu no Taisho asked.

 

“The past is meaningless.”

 

“If it is so meaningless, then why do you dwell in it so often?”

 

“What do you mean?” Sesshomaru demanded.

 

“Have you ever loved anyone, Sesshomaru?”

 

“I am leaving.” Sesshomaru turned and stalked away.

 

“Is it my fault your heart is so cold?” Inu no Taisho called after him. Sesshomaru stopped, fighting the pain that his words brought. “When you asked me, as a child, what love was… I am sorry for my answer.”

 

“It is a waste of time to regret such things.” Sesshomaru responded without looking back. `Do you think such a small apology can make up for all of it, Father?' Sesshomaru thought, shoving down the pain, once again.

 

“You are the only thing I regret, Sesshomaru,” Inu no Taisho said. Sesshomaru froze in place, letting the words sink in. He was his father's only regret. “I should never have let myself get carried away with that girl. She was just supposed to be a one-night thing, but she became with child. So I was forced to take her as a mate. No matter how cruelly I treated her, she never left, never regretted her decision to share my bed. I was the only thing she cared about and I didn't feel anything when she died. I fear I have given you that coldness,” he finished as he disappeared into the forest edging the village.

 

Sesshomaru needed to be alone. He didn't bother to tell Jaken where he was going; he just took to the air, going back to the castle in which he was raised. He walked the empty halls, wondering who had come and washed the blood off them. He found his way to his childhood room without thinking about it and walked to the small bed, remembering the day his father told him he was too old for childish things like this room anymore. Yet, it had been preserved after he left it, as though waiting for him to return to those days. He walked to the katana on the wall, at the perfect height for a child to remove it and begin his practice.

 

He lifted and unsheathed it, marveling at how small it was. He remembered it being so long he could barely use it the first time he held it. He had grown into and, eventually, out of the blade, but his father had never replaced it. He was never given another sword, except in practice. He was taught to use his natural gifts instead, making himself into a lethal weapon. He replaced the sword and left the room, kicking an errant toy into the wall on the way out.

 

He made his way, then, to the room he had slept in every time he visited this place after he became a man and set out into the world on his own. When he slid open the door, however, this room was bare. There wasn't so much as a bed on the floor for him anymore. He wondered why it had been emptied and stepped inside, scenting the room to determine who had performed the task of erasing his welcome. But it had been done so long before that no scent remained. Not even his own, which had survived decades before without him. Someone had deliberately removed even that.

 

In defiance, he reached out his claws and scent marked the wall by the door. This was his room and no one would erase his memory so easily. Unfortunately, he had rendered himself unable to call for servants to refurnish the room with his futon and scrolls. Even if the room belonged to him, this was no longer home. He had no home now.

 

He left the room behind and let his feet carry him to one last place before he left the castle behind. He stood outside the paper door with its black wood and reached out to touch it tentatively. He had never opened this door in his life, it had always been forbidden to him. This was his father's room. He pushed the door open and stepped back, away from the room.

 

Everything that had been missing from his own room was here. His scent was on everything in there, along with the various servants that he had killed. He closed his mouth and forced himself to take a step into the room, even though memories began surfacing of his last visit. He remembered one female servant, whose scent was strong in this room, screaming as she knelt before him…

 

“Please, Sesshomaru-sama! We cannot tell you where your father is!”

 

“Am I not your master?”

 

“Yes, my lord! But your father—he gave us the order! We may not break it! Please, I beg you, have mercy—”

 

“Another thing I was raised without,” Sesshomaru spoke to her memory. He looked at his hands, which were clean and pushed away the feeling of her throat tearing in them. It was a waste to regret such things. She defied him; she had to be removed. `Because she was loyal to Father over this Sesshomaru?' “When did it become a war between us, Father, that I must distinguish between those loyal to you and those loyal to me?” Sesshomaru was exhausted. He turned from the room and left, intending to leave the castle altogether. But before he realized it, he was back in front of his childhood bedroom and stepping through the door. He walked over to the small futon and lied down. Almost the moment his head touched the pillow; he fell asleep.

 

He didn't know why, but Sesshomaru continued returning to the village to see his father. They did not have another revelatory conversation, much to Sesshomaru's relief. It was bad enough to discover that neither of his parents wanted him, he didn't want to know anything else from his father's mind. Their conversations were limited to battle tactics, border patrols and general information about the state of affairs within their lands. Sesshomaru ignored his father's servants entirely, refusing to be attended by humans. It was tedious, having to order Jaken to do the things that the servants did without a word, but he would not sink to his father's level, no matter how hard the older taiyoukai tried to drag him down.

 

His father's inaction in his role as a general finally became too much for him, though. The man was too concerned with his human mate and youkai from all over were sensing the weakness and attacking. Sesshomaru finally challenged him for the swords so that he could defend their territory better. His father beat him half to death and left him before he could make a dent past his defenses. Sesshomaru realized that he had underestimated Inu no Taisho and was driven to defeat him for the same reason he had been as a child—to prove that he was more powerful. If he could defeat him, then he would be the most powerful youkai in the world.

 

The challenges became regular things over the next two months and each time, Sesshomaru was defeated. Twice, he was driven into his true form with his father following into his by choice and then ripping him apart as though he was still a child. He was torn between admiration, frustration, respect and fury at his father. Everything he had built to shield himself from pain and failure was torn away and every feeling was like a dagger in the heart. He had trouble sleeping, because his dreams were nightmares and he forced himself to go days without until he no longer needed to sleep every night.

 

He ignored the princess as much as was polite, though he seldom refused to listen to her play the koto when she offered. He enjoyed music and it gave him time to relax and forget where he was and what had happened to his life. Finally, a battle became too much for Inu no Taisho's army and he had to defend the lands himself against the dragon. Sesshomaru heard of it while he was patrolling the opposite borders and fought the vicious winter weather to go to his side, to see if he was defeated or victorious. On the way there, however, a message came to him by one of the humans from his father's village. It parted his dying lips and Sesshomaru pushed himself even faster, knowing his father's vassal, that flea, Myoga, would undoubtedly have carried the message more swiftly.

 

Sesshomaru ran to the battleground, but it was too late. The dragon was sealed to the cliff with, of all things, one of his father's fangs. His father's blood scent was everywhere, soaking into the snow and air and he had no trouble tracking him. It was clear that he had almost not won that fight. Even if he found him, there was a good chance he was already dead anyway. `Careless,' he thought. `You let yourself become weakened all these months by falling out of practice and now you will die for it. Will you truly meet such a pathetic end, Father? Will I never have the chance to defeat you?'

 

Sesshomaru caught up to him on a snow-covered beach and scented the blood pooling beneath the taiyoukai. He watched it trail down his wrist and fall before he spoke. Inu no Taisho was looking in the direction of the village and Sesshomaru knew he had received the message that Izayoi had been stolen just as she had gone into labor.

 

“Do you insist on going, Father?” he asked.

 

“Do you intend to stop me, Sesshomaru?” Inu no Taisho asked without turning around.

 

“I will not stand in your way,” Sesshomaru answered, and then paused. “However, before you go, you must entrust the swords Sou'unga, and Tetsusaiga to me.” Sesshomaru watched his father's back while he chose his next words and wondered if he would finally relinquish at least one sword.

 

“If I say I won't give them to you… Will you kill me, your own Father?” Sesshomaru felt like his father had slapped him. He only ever said things like that to hurt him. After all, he had been the one to raise him to be a killer. “Do you desire power so much?” Sesshomaru frowned. Who did not? “Why do you seek power, my son?”

 

“I must travel the path of conquest… Power is necessary in order to walk that path.”

 

“Conquest, huh?” Inu no Taisho laughed humorlessly. “Tell me Sesshomaru… Have you someone to protect?” Sesshomaru thought the question very odd indeed.

 

“Protect?” he asked, thinking about it. “The answer is no. I, Sesshomaru have no need to do such a thing.” He lifted his arm as he spoke, preparing for a final battle with his father. However, he stepped back, a thrill of fear going through him when Inu no Taisho transformed into his true form. His father only did that when he was serious. Sesshomaru froze, knowing that if he were to attack now, he would die. His father was resolute and he honestly did not want to fight him to the death. So when his father transformed, he dropped his hand and watched him fly off, leaving a trail of blood behind him. The words echoed in his mind, though `Have you someone to protect?' “That's ridiculous,” he dismissed, then turned and walked away.

 

He vaguely hoped he had misjudged the extent of the injuries—he was always underestimating his father—but he doubted it. Even so, Inu no Taisho would fight the humans that had kidnapped the princess, especially the one who had betrayed them all. Taking her to lure his father… was a death sentence, even if the taiyoukai was close to death already. Perhaps they would do his father the service of ridding the princess and hanyo from his life. `No,' he thought. `He will likely just bring them back. He is determined to have that child. Did he ever care so much about this Sesshomaru? If someone had kidnapped my mother as she was birthing me, would he even have bothered to come find me?'

 

Sesshomaru felt nothing the next day when he was told his father had died, but his half-brother had lived. He had managed to sink into the numbness once again and simply awaited the inheritance of his father's sword that he was certain would come to him. So when he found Tenseiga left for him… he was understandably upset. Sesshomaru surveyed the swath of destruction he had cut through the land dispassionately. He handed his mantle to Jaken to clean and watched the imp scurry off to do his bidding.

 

“So, you have denied me again, Father. Even in death, you will give me nothing.” Sesshomaru searched for Izayoi, certain that she must know where he hid the Tetsusaiga, or, more likely, possessed it, waiting to give it to his half-brother. It took him years to find her this time; she had been hidden much more efficiently without his father's youki announcing her like an invitation. She was living a life befitting a princess again, in a castle, still surrounded by humans. He strolled boldly into it, despite being uncertain about his welcome. He was almost sure that they would try to kill him, but they didn't. Many stared, but they cleared the path directly to his prey without his needing to say a word.

 

“Good evening, Sesshomaru-sama,” Izayoi greeted calmly when he approached. He smelled the fear rise in her and he assumed she had been informed of his `tantrum' across the eastern half of his territory.

 

“Where are Tetsusaiga and Sou'unga?” he demanded, in no mood for pleasantries. She had been so difficult to find, he was exhausted from searching and out of patience.

 

“He didn't tell me,” Izayoi answered, truthfully. Sesshomaru stopped. He had convinced himself that Inu no Taisho would insult him by leaving at least Tetsusaiga to the hanyo infant.

 

“He told you nothing?” he asked.

 

“He spoke of a staff,” she answered him, “called Nintoujou. He said it would lead you and your brother to Tetsusaiga when the time was right.”

 

“Brother,” Sesshomaru repeated scornfully.

 

“Brother?” a small voice repeated from behind him and he turned and looked down. He took in the dog ears, the hair so like his own, eyes a dead match to his and their father's and felt hatred seep through him at the innocence in the gold orbs. Certainly, his own eyes had never reflected such a thing.

 

“I am Sesshomaru,” he responded, considering killing the boy himself. Certainly, it would save him a lifetime of pain after that innocence fell.

 

“InuYasha,” the boy said.

 

“So you are,” Sesshomaru said.

 

“Onii-chan?” InuYasha queried. Sesshomaru scoffed at the childish term and turned to walk away. A tiny hand clasped his finger and he glared down at the boy. Izayoi grabbed him, kneeling and pulling him to her chest protectively, sensing danger.

 

“He's only a little boy, he doesn't know better,” she whispered to him.

 

“Do not deceive yourself,” Sesshomaru said quietly. “He is our father's son, not some human child. I was barely older than he is when I killed my first opponent.”

 

“He is not like that,” Izayoi protested. “He has a human heart.”

 

“So did Takemaru,” Sesshomaru said as he walked away. He wasn't sure why he didn't kill them, his hands certainly itched to rip them apart and, judging by the villagers' looks of disgust towards the pair, he wouldn't meet opposition or vengeance. But he knew Izayoi spoke the truth, so neither of them was standing in his way and despite his hatred, the child was his only remaining family. He might be useful someday, but he doubted he would survive long enough to become so.

 

His curiosity also stayed his hand—the boy was too young to be of interest now, but if he lived, it would be interesting to see what his father's love could create. For, certainly, he would never see it in himself. He would never know love, regret, the need to protect or care for anyone other than himself. He would never care for a human, never indulge one, and never endanger himself for one. And any that were in his way would die. Just like that worthless brother of his. If he ever saw him again and he was in his way, he would not hesitate to cut him down. He would never, never protect him, for any reason. And he would never use the damnably useless sword he carried at his hip.

 

Never is a very long time, even for a taiyoukai…

 

The End.

 

End Notes: Sesshomaru means “the destruction of the circle of life” (Sessho: killing, destruction of life and Maru: circle; full month; perfection, purity). Now the meaning I've chosen to derive from this is this: The circle of life does not have to end with death. It is a circle—death, birth, life, death, rebirth, life, death and so on, one blending into the next. Therefore, the name doesn't have to mean death, but just that the circle is destroyed. Therefore, in this interpretation, Tenseiga was destined for him, so that he could chose to end the circle before death if he desires. That's what Inu no Taisho meant in this fic when he named him.

 

Sesshomaru can also be translated to mean “Killing Perfection” but I chose to ignore that for this origin fic (I have another that deals with that name). And of course, there's a chance he took the name later in life and he was actually named something else at birth (wasn't too uncommon once upon a time, to take a new name as you begin a new life). I just wanted to go with the jealousy theme in this story and give him a damn good reason for it. I mean, how would it feel to be your parents' only regret? I know I'm not the only one whose parents told them they were a mistake, so at least some of you out there can sympathize with Sesshomaru in this fic.

 

I wasn't trying to make Inu no Taisho a creep, either. But I figure someone or something had to teach Sesshomaru to hate humans and it makes sense that his father just changed later in life when he fell in love with Izayoi. And I think he had to love her, to create InuYasha and to protect them both at his birth. But of course, this is all my own interpretation, because that's what fanfic is! I'm just trying to address the typical questions/comments I tend to get after fics like this! Of course, I still want to hear what you have to say, so don't forget to review!

 

Translation notes:

 

Nintoujou: Staff of Heads
Youkai: monster (dub translates as demon)
Hanyo: (Yes, I spell it without the u, deal with it) half-youkai
Sou'unga: Sword from IY: Movie 3, Inu no Taisho's third sword