InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Shear Pleasure ❯ Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

Disclaimer: Still don't own IY!

 

Deidre didn't reply. She couldn't. She cared about him, and was quite possibly in love with him as well. But she couldn't say it. She was scared. Deidre had been screwed over too many times to be eager to jump into this. She didn't want to hurt him, so she just caressed his hair, hoping he understood. Emotions that she had locked away for so long ran through her and she tried to let him know through her touch.

 

He knew. He wasn't hurt by her silence. No, he was saddened by it. Saddened that she had been broken like that. Shattered to the point of being scared of love. He said nothing and eased off of her. He lay next to her and pulled her close to him. Sessh smoothed her hair down and kissed the valley at the top of her nose. “Let's get cleaned up.” He slid off the bed and walked into the adjacent bathroom. He drew a hot bath in his extra-large bathtub, pouring in a generous amount of bath oil. He pulled out some candles from underneath the sink and placed them around the tub. He lit them and strode back into his bedroom. He lifted Deidre off the bed and carried her into the bathroom. He placed her gently into the tub and climbed in behind her. He positioned her in between his legs and began to wash her. He softly scrubbed her clean and began to wash her hair. “Bend your head back.” Sessh scooped water over her hair, moistening it. He grabbed the shampoo off the side of the tub and squeezed out a small amount. He placed his hands in her hair and massaged her scalp. When he was satisfied that she was relaxed, he rinsed her hair and smoothed conditioner through it. Rinsing that out, he squeezed the excess water out and leaned her against his chest. His head rested on top of hers, his arms enveloping her. He sighed. “You don't have to say anything. I understand.” Sessh felt her shake and bent around to look at her. He saw the tears falling from her eyes and felt his heart break.

 

 

“I'm sorry.” Deidre whispered. “I'm so sorry.” She knew she was hurting him and it killed her. His embrace tightened and she cried even harder. “I'm not worth all this. I know I'm not. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to be let down.” He said nothing and turned her face towards his. He wiped the tears from her face and looked into her eyes. “Do you really think that you are that unworthy? I can tell you that you're not. Whatever any previous asshole said to you is a lie. You are worth this. And you haven't hurt me. I only hurt because you do. My heart breaks for you. I don't want you to be scared. Not of love. Not of my love. I only want to make you happy.” He kissed her lips, rose from the tub and picked her up out of the bath. He dried her lovingly and scooped her back up. He returned her to his bed and placed her under the covers. He climbed in next to her and pulled her back into his arms. “Stay with me tonight. I need to have you near me.” She nodded and drew closer to him. She closed her eyes and fell soundly asleep.

 

 

Sessh watched as her breath evened out as she slept. Her hair was starting to dry into its naturally curly state. He absent-mindedly twisted a tendril around his finger. With her face relaxed in sleep and coiled strands dancing around her face, she looked an angel. He tenderly kissed her forehead and reclined back into his pillow. He was determined to prove to her that she was all that he ever needed, wanted. He was going to make sure she understood how important she was to him. And he pleaded silently that she would want him, even after he told her the truth about himself. He closed his eyes and joined her in slumber.

 

 

Deidre woke to gentle rays of sun streaming across her face. She sat up, not remembering where she was. She looked to her side and saw Sessh sleeping peacefully. Her eyes softened and she lay back down, memorizing the vision. He stirred and golden eyes locked on to brilliant green. “Good morning.” She whispered.

“Mmhmm. Good morning.” He mumbled. “How did you sleep?”

“The best sleep I've had in a long time.” She replied honestly. It was true. She had felt so safe in his arms, like nothing in the world would ever harm her.

“Good. That was the plan.” He pushed loose strands out his face and rolled on his side, facing her. “Are you hungry?”

“Not yet. I usually don't eat until 10:00 at the earliest.”

“Ok, I'll make you breakfast then.” He smiled.

Deidre took a deep breath. “Umm, can we talk?”

“Sure. What's on your mind?”

“I wanted to tell you that I really do like you. A lot. But, I'm terrified out of my mind. I've determined that I'm not supposed to be happy.”

“Why would you say that? Everybody deserves to be happy.”

“I'll tell you why. Three years ago, I was engaged. Four months before the wedding, I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy. My fiancée wasn't. We got into an argument about our child. He wanted me to have an abortion. According to him, we weren't ready to have kids and I was a fool for getting pregnant. The fight escalated and ended up with me at the bottom of the stairs, screaming. In his rage, Steven had pushed me. I was in such pain. I was scared for my unborn child. I didn't care how much I hurt. If I lost that child, it would kill me. Steven ran and called the ambulance. While I waited for the paramedics, he looked at me and told me that he had just taken care of our problem. He warned me that if I told anyone that he pushed me, he would make me pay for it. I didn't say anything. I just cried and begged God, Buddha, anyone to save my child.” Deidre glanced at Sessh and saw the shock written across his face. She took another deep breath and continued. “At the hospital, I lost my baby. I was so hysterical, they had to sedate me. When I woke up the doctor sat down and talked to me. He informed me that yes, I had lost my child. And that in the future, it was going to be difficult for me to conceive. I was stunned. Ever since I was a girl, I had always wanted be a mother. And now my dream was torn away from me. I left the hospital after 3 days, grabbed my stuff from Steven's, left the ring and moved into Cathy's loft. Steven tried to cajole me to come back, but I refused. He had taken everything from me. I eventually bought my own house and tried to move on with my life. But, every time I got into a relationship, it didn't work. I refused to open up to anyone. I finally met another man, and things were ok. Soon he found out that I would have a hard time having kids. He would degrade me for it every chance he got. I sunk lower into my depression and a year and half ago, I attempted suicide. I knew I was worthless. What use was I for anyone? I couldn't love completely, I couldn't give the man I love children, and I couldn't even love myself. What kind of person was I? Obviously, things didn't go the way I intended. I'm still here. So, I just resolved never to fall in love again. That way I can't hurt anyone else and they can't hurt me.” A single tear slipped down her cheek.

Sessh reached over and wiped the tear away. He couldn't believe that anyone would do that to this exquisite creature. For someone to intentionally kill their child was unbearable. For the next man in her life to ridicule her for her trails was unthinkable. And most appalling was the fact that this woman in front of him had felt so insignificant that she had tried to take her own life. He thanked God that she hadn't succeeded. He paused and then spoke quietly. “I'm sorry. But I want you to know that I would love you even if there were zero chance in the world that you could bless us with children. I will love you until the day that I leave this world. You are everything to me. You are vibrant, intelligent, beautiful, funny, ambitious, talented and you are capable of love. I will show you that.” He crawled over top of her and slowly began to make love to her, expressing things for which there were no words.

 

 

Deidre wept softly as he proclaimed his love to her. It hurt so bad to love this man. She didn't know how she knew she loved him; she just felt it, as naturally as breathing. She wiped her eyes and promised herself that she would be strong enough to love him. She would give him her all. She also knew that if this didn't work out, she would die. She stretched up and pressed a kiss to his lips. He sighed and fell into it. Their bodies continued to move as one, trying to heal the pain.

 

 

A/N: Thanks to CY & AR, yet again! R&R everyone! Thanks for reading!