InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Show Me How It Ends ❯ Lithium ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

By: DeniPie

Editor?

Ok it's official, I need an editor. I don't know why it bothers me but I just can't stand after I've submitted a new chap and when I finally have time 2 relax and read it over on ff.net or aff.net or anywhere else I end up seeing grammar mistakes and crap. The mistakes aren't because I'm retarded, it's just I work pretty hard to dish out a decent chap and get all my thoughts about the plot out before I forget what I wanted to do with the fic and where I wanted it to go and going that way I usually end up finishing at like 3 or 4 in the morning. Then when I run spell check and re-read it, I miss stupid stuff because I've already written it and don't pay as much attention. So would n.e.one like the job of Deni's official editor? Yay, nay, maybe? There are perks 2 the job, u get 2 read the newest chap b4 n.e.one else does, and if I'm stuck on a chap, u'r advice would probably be the one I'd be seeking out when I'm trying 2 get the rest of my thoughts out. I do need a good editor though, seriously. I need one that will be committed 2 this job and not screw around. I need 2 get the new chap out the day after I send it 2 u at the very latest. This isn't a book u pick up and read when u'r done w homework and have nothing better 2 do. I know everyone's busy, because I'm constantly busy myself, so if u even have the slightest doubt whether or not u'd be able 2 do this then I wouldn't ask 4 this job, k? I just need an editor because since they've never read the new chapter they'll be more alert 2 mistakes than I would b.

The Fic

I feel the need 2 explain y exactly I'm writing this fic. I've submitted this fic 2 a few other places and the one thing that I found all the reviewers have in common is this thing with Ginta. They either are intrigued by the idea of him being a big char in a fic or they just don't see the purpose and what not. I've always found that secondary characters get the shaft in most manga's, I'm sorry but they do. Let me think of some popular mangas/animes. Ok here ya go, its cliché and stupid but here ya go, Take Molly or Natsue or whatever her name is from Sailor Moon(I never really got into that craze so I'm not sure, she was the red head). Secondary character that completely got the shaft. She fell in love with a hottie who ended up dying and being kind of as asshole tho a misunderstood one, and what does she get 2 replace him? The nerd, the school nerd. Oh yeah baby, that makes everything better. Oh! And Fushigi Yuugi! It's like everyone but Miaka, Tamahome, Hotorhori, and Yui, get the total shaft there. Everyone else in Miaka's crew has like no character development and ends up dying alone and unloved. Fantastic. I just wanted to go more in depth with a secondary character or an often forgotten character and for some reason Ginta just captured my eye. He's like the spastic, awkward guy that knows he's awkward but knows he can't change anything about that and just deals. He never seemed to try to be anymore than he was. He knew he was in Kouga's shadow so he just basked in the shade, so to speak. He and Hakkaku were always so complacement and never tried to be anything more than what they were. They were followers and damned proud of it. I just wanted to go a little further with that.

Response 4 Pheonix

Ok sorry everybody about this author note crap being so long but I'm gonna finish up right here. I just got a review that contained some well thought out questions and some healthy, creative criticism. I'm pretty sure everyone feels like Kagome can be a little 2 dramatic when it comes to Kouga's death, believe me I know. I get pretty irritated with portraying that side of her 2. But it is essential to the story for now and I have 2 keep with it, but don't worry everything will be explained in the end. Although, keep in mind, that Kagome does have merit to her guilt. Yes everything Kouga did was completely voluntary and out of love for her but she never appreciated all his doings to their fullest extent because, I dunno y, either she was afraid of encouraging him, making InuYasha jealous, I have no idea, the manga never really gets into that. But basically Kouga was in this whole Naraku war for one thing, and that was Kagura, yes he hates Naraku too but its more personal with Kagura because it's her face he sees when he thinks of the decimation of his tribe, Naraku is more of an extension of that. Yet he gave that up just for a moment to help Kagome and it was extremely hard for him to forsake his clan's memory like that to help a woman that would never return his feelings. Kagome not only asked Kouga to watch her back but basically inadvertly asked him to guard her life at the risk of his own, and she realizes this now. The best way I can describe this would be to say what if someone committed suicide because you didn't love them? And that's basically what Kouga did, I mean turning your back in an all out war is nothing short of suicide and that's what Kagome sees it as. She feels guilty because not only did he turn his back on his entire reason for being in the war just to help her, but he was also very much in love with her and she believes she just brushed this all off thinking she would have time to deal with it later, but she didn't. Kouga not only died a dishonorable death, being pretty much stabbed in the back by a woman, but he died broken hearted, or so Kagome believes, I don't think Kouga was broken hearted because he still had hope because she had never outright said `no.' Her guilt over Kouga is more of an `if I could go back and do it all over' sorta thing. Not only that but you have to see that Kagome has to live with the people that were closest to him and loved him. Doing that is bound to screw with your psyche one way or another. She sees this entire situation as her taking something from Ginta and Hakkaku that they can never recover from. It's like going to the funeral of the person who committed suicide over you and having to stand next to their parents. Well this is like a never ending funeral and she has to live with those parents. Basically all this combined with the situation at hand is bound to cause some major self pity. And I hate writing self pity scenes more than anything but for now they're imperative to the story, so bare with me. As for the whole `Okaa-san' and `Mama' thing. I'm trying my best to base this fic on the Manga, because the dubbed anime sucks mega balls. I'm sorry but it does. They made like a total mockery of the manga and that just pissed me off. I rather read sub titles than listen to their English and censory screw everything up. I haven't read the entire manga but I've read enough. In the Japanese manga (untranslated) and in the subtitled version of the Anime(which I have seen a few episodes of) Kagome refers to her mother as Okaa-san, and I have Kagome in my fic do the same as well as contain some other Japanese to remind everybody that this is based on the manga and not the series. I only have her address her mother as Mama when she needs to. Because when she truly needs her mother like a little child needs her mother `I want my Okaa-san' just doesn't sound as right as `I want my Mama.' But the transition has nothing to do with her growing apart from her mother, but I can definitely see how anyone would think that.

To sum it up, the whole Kouga dying thing is not really Kagome's fault, but then again the whole Kikyou dying thing wasn't InuYasha's fault either yet he still bitches and moans over that. It's a little like that I guess. And I'm sorry if answering this one reviewer pissed anybody off who also asked me a question or something. I normally don't respond to reviewers but this one review was just really mature and well thought out and I couldn't write another chap without answering her questions which probably a lot of other ppl had. But if n.e.one else has a question just review and I'll answer u in the next chap or email me and I'll answer u right away, but make it something worth while. If u'r just gonna say `hey u'r fic is shit' I'm not responding to that. That's retarded, u think the fic is shit then stop reading where u r and go find something u do enjoy, u don't have to be freakin Davinci to figure that out. As for Phoenix, I hoped I answered all u'r questions the way u expected, I'm sorry for the whole Kagome self pity thing, I hate the drama too, but sadly it must b done. Plus what doesn't kill u makes u stronger, yeah?

The Deni Pie

Phoenix P.S.: I have no idea y this fic has gotten so few reviews either, maybe it's because my summary of it was kinda vague but I just don't like giving away the entire plot and mystery in a freaking 20 word summary. Yet I c fics about Kagome somehow turning into a demon or something completely retarded like that and ppl just review like hell over it. Oh well, whadaya gonna do.

Omg it was so fuckin hard 2 find a song that fit this chap, and even this one doesn't really cover it but it was better than the other ones I had in mind. Then again, Nirvana can do no wrong ^_^

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C h a p t e r VIII - L i t h i u m

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I'm so happy 'cause today

I've found my friends ...

They're in my head

I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ...

We broke our mirrors

Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ...

And I'm not scared

Light my candles, in a daze

'Cause I've found god

yeah, yeah yeah

I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I shaved my head ...

And I'm not sad

And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard ...

But I'm not sure

I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there ...

But I don't care

I'm so horny, but that's okay ...

My will is good

yeah yeah yeah

I like it - I'm not gonna crack

I miss you - I'm not gonna crack

I love you - I'm not gonna crack

I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

I like it - I'm not gonna crack

I miss you - I'm not gonna crack

I love you - I'm not gonna crack

I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

I'm so happy 'cause today

I've found my friends ...

They're in my head

I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ...

We broke our mirrors

Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ...

And I'm not scared

Light my candles in a daze ...

'Cause I've found god

yeah, yeah yeah

I like it - I'm not gonna crack

I miss you - I'm not gonna crack

I love you - I'm not gonna crack

I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

I like it - I'm not gonna crack

I miss you - I'm not gonna crack

I love you - I'm not gonna crack

I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

Lithium - Nirvana

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Around five weeks, a little over a month. Was about as long as Kagome could surmise she had been there. She did her best to keep track of the month and day, though she had always been pretty forgetful so it made it that much harder to keep track of time. Things had settled down and gotten a little better. She and Ginta got along just fine, and she chose to ignore his adamant not so pleasant feelings towards her. He did well to hide them so she did well to politely overlook them. He had every right to his own feelings and she had every right to believe she was doing the right thing and did not need the added guilt of Ginta onto her shoulders; so for now his thoughts were his own problem. She couldn't change it, why try? Once she got used to it she found it much less tense around him and did her best to pretend they were at least friendly acquaintances yet still at the same time respect their barriers.

A few mutual yet unspoken agreements had silently been made between them since that night in the bathing hallow. He would hunt, and she would build the fires and make their temporary home as comfortable as she could by adding whatever furnishings and what not she could find and/or make. He also prepared whatever meal he brought back. Kagome was a self admitted horrible cook in her future, let alone in the past where there were no microwaves and/or can openers. She hadn't the foggiest how to skin or cook a once living animal and wasn't sure she ever wanted to, which was just as well since Ginta had no particular yearning to take the time to teach her. Beyond the unspoken domestic agreement was the mutual understanding that subject of Kouga or anything Kouga related was to never be brought up, discussed, or remotely touched on.

Kagome remembered returning to the entrance to find Ginta already fast asleep in his nest leaving her to dine alone. Yet she was too overwhelmed by self consciousness and felt too uncomfortable about their recent not-so-much-discussion to eat so near to him. So she crawled into her own nest, pulling up the fur covers and trying her best to quell her hunger. Though that hadn't lasted very long. Little more than a few hours later, when she was positive that Ginta was beyond being woken up, she crept back over to the extinguished fire, snatching the remains of the once cute and furry rabbit that she had begged him to never bring home, and made off back to bed.

When morning came, Ginta remained as if nothing had happened, and Kagome never mentioned it again. It disturbed her the slightest bit, but who was she to tell him how to deal with this. If he was going through something, he obviously wanted no help or comfort from her. It definitely didn't curb the loneliness she felt and she wondered if he felt the same, and if he did, what he got out of denying the kind of comfort and solace they both needed. She had mentally shrugged it off at the time, she didn't know what she could do for him, and for now she would have to leave him to his own personal demons until he was ready to release them.

Ginta put aside, her loneliness wasn't helped by the fact that InuYasha hadn't come to visit her since she had released him from the rosary. She didn't know what exactly she expected, well that was a lie. She knew precisely what she had expected. She expected everything to be normal, that they would still be friends, and he would visit her and carry on the somewhat insulting conversations that lacked any real malice behind them that they always had when they had the spare time. As much as she told herself that she had even subconsciously predicted his casting her aside, she didn't. She honestly didn't believe he would simply desert her, though it was she who had relinquished him. Still, the feelings of abandonment always arose when she thought of him.

Drawing up her knees, Kagome leaned her back against the wall of the entrance lazily looking around at the scenery before her. Today she simply felt no desire to venture out and make something of her day. Her choice of dress could have predicted that since early morning. Upon waking up she yawningly made her way to her pack and pulled out her navy long sleeved sweater and a pair of her oldest jeans that she had frequently had to wrestle from the garbage due to her mother's kept threats about throwing them out. The outfit was never something she would wear in public in her own time but here she couldn't have cared less, she had no one to dress for, and at least it was clean. Her uniform had to be the filthiest thing she had ever owned by the time her adventure ended, so she had no qualms with a simple pair of slightly worn jeans. Though the slightly-ness of the worn jeans was something to be argued. Leaning against the wall Kagome's thoughts turned her attention to said jeans. They were quite faded, two belt loops were missing with holes happily taking their place, the stitching that kept her left pocket in place had torn and another small hole was born, one which she was almost positive gave the world a peek of her underwear for the day, the bottom hems of the legs were torn, tearing, and ragged beyond repair, and finally there was a tattered rip in the right knee.

A small smile worked its way over her mouth at the sight. They were shabby but they were the most comfortable pair she owned, and rightly so due to so many years of breaking in. Sliding her eyes shut, her head lay itself against the wall with the rest of her body. The last of the Indian summer days were gone, they had left with the last days of last month, and now a frequent breeze played over the grassy hills and plains with promises of autumn. Today was cooler, not chilly, not warm, not cold, and not hot, but somewhere between cool and lukewarm. The perfect temperature.

Opening her eyes, her head turned to gaze on the horizon. She could almost make out a black spot littered with green dots. Kagome casually touched a lock of black hair; it had grown a bit since she cut it, perhaps a quarter of an inch, maybe? The black spot would someday grow into a tree, she hoped. The day after the incident in the bathing hallow she had gone out and planted a tree in the ash of Kouga's resting place. Her thumb most definitely wasn't green, but hopefully a tree would grow if she kept to it. Gods willing, it would grow tall, proud, strong, and unyielding, just like him.

She supposed it was a bit morbid from a certain perspective, but her visits to Kouga's place brought her the comfort apparently no one else would give her. When she was there, tending to his would-be tree, it was as if all self pity was alleviated from her shoulders, all sorrow was gone, and tranquility settled in its place. The pang of guilt would always be there, but for now she was doing the best she could to make her peace with the man who loved her. It was so easy to know that he wouldn't want her to be so sad over his doing a lover's duty. He died protecting what he held dear just as she would do for anyone she loved. It was so easy to know this now, in her safe circle of serenity, yet it seemed the walk back home from it was like returning to the cave of remorse, shame, and numerous `what if's an `if only's. Then her guilt would return and she would find herself plagued by wonderings of `If I had only sent him away. If I was stronger. If I had told him to help Hakkaku and Ginta. If only………..' and they would give her no relief until she found something else to take her attention from it.

Today was a good day though. She had woken up early of her own accord, of course not as early as Ginta, but still early for her, gotten dressed and brushed her hair without much hassle, toured the caves as far she dared until the darkness frightened her, and made a few more torches. She still wasn't sure how she was going to hang them, but it would be useful to have them handy. Eyes flickering up to the sky she guessed it was around late noonish. It had been a rather gray day and the sun looked more like an out of place moon in the dull sky. Perhaps that was why she felt so sluggish. Well, maybe not so much sluggish, as she just didn't feel any sort of need or desire to do anything. She wondered briefly what Ginta was doing. Not giving much thought to his absence she began to grow curious of how he spent his days. Surely hunting didn't take from dawn to dusk.

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Bitch. Deceitful, fickle, heartless, disloyal, traitorous, bitch. InuYasha glared at the well, but the glare lacked heat and menace. The small swell of pride he had felt when he first sat back to admire the scratched, hacked, and rather worn look the well now sported had faded somewhat. He couldn't bring himself to destroy it, but he couldn't stop himself from taking his anger out on the closest Kagome related object he could get his claws on. The pleasurable thought of the look on her face if she were ever to see it stapled itself in his mind, bringing a rather sadistic joy to his heart and the pleasure of released vengeance.

Yet now, all rage was taken out and all that was left was a boiling anger only cooled by feelings of rejection and disbandment. Heartless bitch. Unfaithful Bitch. Stupid Bitch. InuYasha shifted crossing his arms over his chest trying his best to maintain his glare honed on the well as if someone would appear from nowhere and scold him were he to let up. Despite the malicious thoughts running through his head sprung from hurt and abandonment, he couldn't help but wonder if she missed him. Even a little. Did she even think of him at all? Or was she too preoccupied with her new found loyalty to Kouga for him to even cross her mind? His teeth unconsciously gritted as his mind brought up the other canine. `Stupid, fucking wolf…'

He hadn't seen Kagome since she removed the rosary and it was beginning to wear on him. No one had time for him anymore, no one forced him to come down from the Goshinboku and talk, no one forced him to go back down the well to get them, no one forced him to sit still while they tended to his wounds, no one was there. Kaede was always doing something and he didn't really want to talk to her anyway. Sango and Miroku had brought Shippou back and left him with the old Miko. Then they had simply left. Saying they were returning to somewhere or another, needing time to absorb their journey's end and needing time to get away from some of its more painful memories. They said they would come back, but InuYasha seriously doubted it. He knew exactly what would happen. They would travel alone together, really get to be with each other and appreciate each other and whatnot. Then they would admit their feelings, fall in love, get married, and go to another village to have babies and shit. They wouldn't forget the hanyou, the little demon, and the girl from the future, but they would accept the fact that they just didn't have the time to hunt them down, and the past was best left where it was. They would slowly fade to memories and stories that they would entertain their children with or think upon on a quiet night, but that was all.

InuYasha spat. Good riddance. Now why the hell couldn't they have taken the fucking brat too? He sighed, his face relaxing a bit. He would miss them. He wouldn't obsess over it as if it was the biggest loss of his life, but he would miss them. He had grown accustom to them being there and now they weren't. It was to be expected, he guessed. Yes, he thought they would stay but even during their journey their group that had unspokenly formed into little mini parties. He with Kagome, and Miroku with Sango. It was only to be expected that once Kagome left and the jewel was of no threat that they would have no reason to stay. Everyone had suffered their losses from Naraku and the damned Shikon no Tama, so now it was time for everyone to wander off on their own to nurse their wounds.

Hopping down from the tree InuYasha began to track through his forest. No reason really, he was just sick of sitting. Staying in one place always made him think about things he didn't want to dwell on. InuYasha felt as though he had been cheated by the entire thing. Everyone appeared to get their dues at the end of their adventure. Miroku lost his kazaana and got Sango. Sango avenged her family and got Miroku. Shippou's family was also avenged and now he got Kaede to pamper and coddle him. What did InuYasha get? Some cold beads and a cheap dismissal. A low rumble reverberated through his throat, his foot aggressively kicking a medium sized rock across the forest.

He tried to focus his glare on the forest horizon but couldn't keep the longing out of his eyes. He wanted to see her, wanted to visit her, wanted to tell her she was being a stupid bitch, grab her by the hair and drag her kicking and screaming back with him. Maybe it was his pride, maybe it was the fact that she said she would hate him if he did what he wanted, that kept him from going to her. He didn't even know if he was welcomed near her anymore. Did that interfere with her whole fucking sacrifice?

splash…

InuYasha looked down, so lost in his thought he hadn't even noticed he had come across a river. He slowly pulled his newly wet foot out of the streaming water not minding the dripping liquid gathering more dirt to his sole. Observing the discovered river, he wondered at how familiar it looked.

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Well it appeared the Gods may be with them on this at least. Ginta thought, pleasantly patrolling their grounds after adjusting the burden over his shoulder. Their caves resided on old abandoned wolf land but it appeared no other youkai had moved into the place and still respected their borders, so for now their home was safe. Though come winter, that was another story. He knew how every living thing, youkai and human alike became during the winter. Food and shelter were scarce, comfort was practically non existent, and everyone would be fighting for all of the above. It was always easier to survive in a clan than not. During the winter barely anyone starved with the amount everyone gathered and stored the months before, it was easier to keep warm with sealed caves full of fur and body heat, and no sane creature would dare impose on an entire pack of winter worn youkai.

Ginta sighed a little forlorn at the upcoming prospect. He and Kagome were definitely going to have to struggle through the season with just the two of them. Though there was the upside that food would be easier to gather for two than for an entire horde. Yes, fewer mouths were definitely easier on their supplies than hundreds. Still, the odds were more than probably stacked against them. This would be the first winter he ever spent without his tribe. He wondered how he would fair. Though it wasn't himself he worried over, it was Kagome. He was youkai, granted the food shortage and cold would make endurance tedious and uncomfortable, his survival was practically a given. Kagome on the other hand, was human and the odds were more against her than him. He would have to supply her with more food and warmth than he would himself.

It was pathetically easy to catch dinner. He guessed it was due to the overall lifelessness of the entire day. The entire sky had remained a dingy gray color from dawn to current time and he guessed it wouldn't alleviate any time soon. The entire forest seemed to possess a rather lethargic ambiance mimicking the theme of the day. He hadn't even had to separate the deer from the herd this time. The bleeding had stopped quickly and now it just hung over his shoulder like the inanimate object it had become.

There wasn't really anything left to do for the day except to gather more wood for the fire. He should probably start stocking up on it for winter anyway. After the meal was dropped off he would get right on it. Ginta thought making his way back to the caves.

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How could doing nothing for such a long period of time not be remotely boring? Either way it didn't matter because she had started doing something a few hours ago, thus annihilating the nothing. She had begun making more torches and thinking of more ways to hang them in the cave halls. Holders could always be made but it was the getting them to stick to the wall part that was hard, and if she knew how to get anything to stick to the cave walls in the first place then the torches would be there right now. Therefore, no problem had been solved just yet. Ginta was right; it was going to take a lot of torches to give the caves what she considered adequate lighting. Of course her version of adequate lighting was electricity, and that obviously wasn't happening anytime soon. Neither was her ability to gather, weave, and hand hundreds of torches within the next week.

So no the caves would probably never be `adequately lit' or have an `adequate' number of them, but at least the few she had, if she ever figured out how to hang them, would allow her to venture further into her new home without the handicap of Nyctophobia.

Now to add to her `not going to happen anytime soon' list, it appeared that tying more torches wasn't going to either. She had run out of the viney foliage she had been using to tie together the gathered torch limber. Sighing, Kagome lazily fell, sprawling out carelessly onto her back. She might as well go gather more, she would need it anyway, and it wasn't as if there was anything better to do. The cave was clean, never having been dirty anyway, the `living room' fire was lit, and her makeshift bed/nest was made. Besides, Ginta wasn't expected back until around duskish, so she had at least a few hours to kill. Might as well spend them constructively.

Giving a loud, whining, groan Kagome reluctantly climbed to her feet, as if her mother was forcing her to get up a little too early for school, and started down the ladder. Moving expertly down the shelf-like steps her eyes caught a spot of color she was surprised she missed all this time. A dusting of flowers sprouted from a crevice along the cliff. A frown molded her mouth as she observed the state of it. Maybe it just hadn't been able to get enough water, maybe it was used to the hotter weather and not made for the approaching temperature, or maybe it was just an old set of flowers. Either way they were obviously dying. They were probably once a very pretty shade of lavender, though now death was approaching and leaving them darker, more of a deep wine color. A small pang went through her heart. They reminded her of InuYasha's rosary. She wondered if they too looked so dead and inanimate without the magic that once pulsated through their beads. Her head twisted to look at the forest on the edge of the plain. InuYasha's forest wasn't so far off.

Sucking in a confident breath she moved down the steps determinedly, assured that Ginta wouldn't miss her absence.

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"But why?"

"Because it is not our place, child."

"Hai……but why?"

Kaede fought back a tired sigh. She was too old for this, far too old. Her good eye looked back down into the kit's sad and curious stare and found that she just couldn't be all that irritated with him and his insistent questioning. "From what I have gathered from InuYasha, this is something Kagome must do on her own. She wouldn't want to drag you into her own troubles anyway." She explained sympathetically. She knew she was no substitute for the loving and energetic pampering Shippou was so used to receiving from Kagome. She was in her later years and simply could not keep up with the demands of a child, let alone a youkai kit. She had other things to attend to and could not always be there for his `play times.' Even if her daily schedule would be forever free she highly doubted that she would be able to keep up with his rough housing. She was often tempted with leaving some medicine with a drought side affect in his meals simply to calm the youth down.

Of course, knowing youkai immunity it would probably have about as much affect on him as a piece of bland candy.

"Is that why InuYasha hasn't gone to see her either?"

Kaede's focus returned to the curious kitsune. "I'm sure it is. He's doing the right thing by her to respect her wishes. You should do the same."

Shippou snorted indignantly. "He's probably just sulking because she yelled at him or something."

A worn hand affectionately patted his tousled hair accompanied by a dry chuckle. "Even so, he is doing as she asked. He is giving her the space she requires for her task. Granted he is anything but happy about it, yet he does it anyway. You should follow his example, Shippou." She stated before shooing him away with a slight tap to the rear so she could return to her own task of hanging the laundry.

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Died. He had died and gone to heaven. Or hell. He had gone somewhere but he didn't care to contemplate it at the moment. His brain cells didn't have the strength to gather and consult each other enough to form a single coherent thought much less mull over his whereabouts. InuYasha panted against her shoulder, his clawed hands smoothing helplessly down her sides, hips, back, his cheek rubbing affectionately along her collarbone. She was kneeling upright in his arms, her knees on either side of his thighs, her perfect fingers running tenderly through his hair while her lips did wonderful, torturous, wonderfully torturous things to his right ear. Every now and then switching to the other to give the same treatment.

He wasn't dead. He hadn't died. He was dying now. The woman he held in his arms was killing him. Slowly, tormentingly, and he was loving it. He was loving it and hating it and being too dumb struck to know the difference. He sat with his legs spread in front of him and his back lying against a random tree. He wasn't sure how they had gotten like this. How she had ended up nude in his arms and he left in only the bottom of his haori. It seemed unfair now though.

A what would be an embarrassing squeak escaped his throat just as her tongue did something marvelous to the outside of his ear. Gasping for air he pulled her closer, impossibly closer. Gods, nothing should ever feel this good. Nothing that he should be allowed to experience, anyway. Swallowing the ball of saliva that threatened to trickle out the side of his mouth he managed to place a shaky kiss to the collar bone he had been so lovingly rubbing his cheek against before going back to doing just that. It seemed all he could do until she stopped this mind numbing torture she was inflicting on his body.

Her knees being on either side of his thighs unwittingly gave his cloth covered groin a taste of the heat that seemed to saturate her sex. Yet she was still too far raised for him to relieve any of the overwhelming tension building in his loins. Whining in frustration he wanted to thrust her down upon him yet her current ministrations were simply too delicious to give up. He pulled her tighter to him, grasping at her in need or aggravation, he didn't know. Didn't care.

He let out a contented sigh, leaning his head back, as she began to kiss her way down his face, all the while never stopping her affectionate petting. His hips seemed to leave the ground of their own accord and buck helplessly against nothing. She was still too far raised. A low sound in between a whine and a moan left the back of his throat, yanking her to his chest as he buried his face in the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

Giving the spot a tender lick he relished in the encouragement her hands gave him, cupping the back of his head, her fingertips brushing sweetly against the base of his ears.

"Kagome…" He panted desperately in a voice he was surprised to find was his own.

Kissing his way from her neck, he traveled down until he came to the cave between her collarbone, pausing before running his tongue from that hallow up her throat. He could feel the shudder go through her body and couldn't help the feeling of masculine pride at being the cause of it.

"Kagome..Kagome…..Ka..gome…….." He muttered mindlessly, trying to convey to her everything he was feeling, everything he wanted, everything he wanted for her, all in a language that seemed to consist only of her name.

Wrapping one arm around her hips and placing the other hand on her shoulder he began to push her softly but firmly down until she was nestled safely in his lap. With that he almost laughed breathlessly at finally achieving that mind numbing friction his body had been in such agony over. Bringing the hand from her shoulder to join the other arm and fully wrap around her he began to press soft, insistent, kisses to her face. To her lips, her cheeks, her chin, temple, brow. He almost missed the movement of his pelvis in between her legs. He gasped, clenching his eyes shut in agonizing bliss. The pleasure was searing, almost painful, but a miraculous pain that he was more than happy to feel again. All of the sudden his haori became too tight, too restricting. Yet every limb on his body was immobile, all too unwilling to give up their positions for the greater cause. Then, her hips appeared to move against him and he lost all will to move. They pressed and rocked against him leaving him without oxygen or brain waves.

"InuYasha……."

He nodded in encouragement, stroking her face and urging her impossibly closer.

"InuYasha…….."

Damned clothes. Damned any sort of cloth. He swore if he ever got out of them he'd never wear them again.

"InuYasha…………wake up….."

He head turned to look at her passion struck face in confusion. "Nani?"

"I SAID WAKE UP YOU ASSHOLE!"

thwack!

InuYasha was violently jerked from sleep as yet another rock hit at the side of his head. He instantly grasped the limps of the tree he currently lay in to keep from falling. His head darted about frantically ferreting out the source of his rude awakening before coming to rest on a more than impatient looking kitsune.

The impatiently irritated expression Shippou had been wearing for the past five minutes dissipated and evolved into a look of terror before he managed to dodge the lunging Hanyou.

"SHIPPOU YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He bellowed taking yet another swipe at the agile kit.

Shippou barely evaded the other male's last swat before he began to bound back in the direction of the old Miko's hut. "I'm telling Kaede, you jerk! You just wait `til Kagome gets back!" He hollered back springing away.

"SHE'S NOT FUCKING COMING BACK, YOU-" InuYasha paused, all anger suddenly flooding from his body.

He had said it just to hurt Shippou, yet he doubted the little youkai was even paying attention to him since he was so intent on getting to Kaede to tattle to someone, anyone. She wasn't coming back. She really wasn't coming back. Miroku wasn't coming back, Sango wasn't coming back, and when Shippou had no need to depend on Kaede's mothering then he probably wouldn't be coming back either. Kagome was gone. She had a new life, not one she particularly wanted, but it was a new life. One he wasn't a part of. Even if she did come back, if she finally felt she had done all she could for Ginta, Hakkaku,….Kouga, she would just go home. To her home. 500 years away from here. 500 years away from him.

His body abruptly felt ten times heavier forcing him to gently lean his back against the nearest tree for support, the burning in his loins faded, the rush of loss and emptiness that accompanied this emotional paradigm shift drowning the fire. In the end it didn't matter, her life would never include him. Even if the journey had ended with Naraku being vanquished and everyone living and happy, she would have gone back to the well to continue the life that he was so apart from. He supposed that was why he hated going to her time. Looking at her world and seeing her family, seeing where she grew up, he felt just that much farther from her with all the reminders that she had a life he had nothing to do with outside their hunt for shards.

InuYasha collected himself, stepping away from the tree and began to walk aimlessly around forest once more. `She's not coming back…' His mind just couldn't wrap around that concept no matter how hard the logical part of his brain tried to picture and accept it. His life began to flash before his eyes, and he wasn't surprised the flashes started with meeting her. They had been through so much, gotten through so much, together. Could she really just throw that all away over something so ridiculous?

This time he saw the water before making the same mistake. Staring into the river's reflecting water he saw a face he couldn't recognize as his own. The white haired hanyou staring back at him looked as though his world had been turned upside down, sent to hell and back again. He was empty, he was alone. And this time Kagome wasn't here to make it better. He just couldn't imagine that this was how things were going to be from now on. That this wasn't just an intermission in their life, that this was his life now. This nothing. This purposeless existence. He didn't know what to do with himself. 50 something years ago he would have just continued living, hunting, wandering around. Then the Shikon no Tama gave him a purpose, it gave him something to do with his life, and Kagome gave him someone to share his life with. Now that he knew both, he couldn't go back to 50 something years ago.

Bending into a crouch a taloned hand crept out to lightly skip the water, watching as the ripples reverberated through the river briefly before being swept away. InuYasha frowned, another memory working its way into his vision, a more recent one. Sorrow dimmed and the flame was once again lit below his waist. His breathing quickened, he hadn't wanted to think of that day. Guilt over his perversion often laced over any pleasure he could take from it. Now it was as if the shroud of shame had been ripped from the memory and he was able to see it through passion laden eyes. She had wronged him, it was only fair.

---flashback---

He clenched his fists in her hair and back, he was only looking, not touching.

---end flashback---

A saliva saturated tongue ran over his lips, his eyes becoming half lidded with fervor. He could see her again, laying there, soaked and tamed in his arms, her body so willing in his hands. Would it have been so wrong to touch? No one would know. It would have been his memory alone. His hand unconsciously snaked over his thigh to the place between his crouching legs.

---flashback---

Kagome's breasts looked both soft and firm at the same time, and absolutely delicious with the way he was arching her back to let the river drain the slime from her hair. Her nipples stood out in their natural reaction to the cold.

---end flashback---

A groan broke free from his lips before his body collapsed into the water, kneeling in the rushing liquid that was the only reminder of what had taken place within its depths. Fumbling hands pulled, tangled, and yanked at the knots of his haori, ready to rip the unyielding material to shreds in eagerness. After what in his ardor laden mind seemed to last an eternity the clothing finally submitted and fell around his knees sinking into the water. InuYasha allowed his head to fall back, his eyes sliding shut to make his fantasy all that more real by blocking out all surrounding reality. He knelt naked in the water like a reverent sacrifice.

---flashback---

He let out a contented sigh, leaning his head back, as she began to kiss her way down his face, all the while never stopping her affectionate petting.

---end flashback---

His fingers closed around his length, beginning to work it in the rhythm he had long since perfected. He could see her so clearly.

---flashback---

Then, her hips appeared to move against him and he lost all will to move. They pressed and rocked against him…..

---end flashback---

There wasn't enough air around him as his mouth gaped open trying to take in all it could. His breaths came out in short pants, his movements growing quicker, frantic, more uncoordinated.

---flashback---

He had always been very curious about her.

---end flashback---

A cry shattered the natural silence, his body went taunt, his muscles froze with tension. Something inside him exploded, taking away his strength and replacing it with mind numbing endorphins, leaving him to fall into the shallow river. Spurts of water flew in every direction as his body collapsed into the water's welcoming arms. Needing air where there apparently was none, he managed the effort to turn himself onto his back, letting himself half float in the river, his drenched and tangled haori anchoring him where he lay. Heavy eyelids lazily slid open a fraction to reveal dazed and unseeing, amber eyes. So curious.

The need to see her had never been so great as it was now. He wanted her to be with him again. He should have woken her in the river, should have told her his intentions.

The sun was setting.

Struggling to his feet, tugging on his water heavy haori, InuYasha took off in the opposite direction of Kaede's hut.

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Well she had lit a fire. `And made more of those torches of hers…..' He noticed. Shaking his head at her dauntless persistence, he propped his head onto his head, simply observing them. He couldn't fight the twinges of anxiety that sparked every now and then with her being gone so late. He had admittingly grown used to her presence upon coming back, and there was a strange feeling of misplacement when he arrived to drop off the rest of the fire wood and she was absent.

She had gone farther this time, now she was just on the edge of his senses. Probably somewhere on the border of the forest. Had he not patrolled their borders so recently he would have been more worried, but she was safe where she was for now. Placing a hand to his stomach he could feel the impatient rumble of emptiness. Might as well start getting dinner ready, at least it would be done by the time she got back.

There were bright sides to this, such as now he didn't have to feel bad about having to skin an animal in front of her and see the horror on her face. He went a lot slower than he usually did when skinning food, but there really wasn't any reason to hurry now. Now it was just a way to pass the time. He watched the fur laced skin peel off the blood soaked muscle like the peel of an apple, feeling an odd sense of nostalgia. How many times had he watched………

Ginta blinked confusedly before shaking his head to clear the clutter in his mind. His hands began working faster and soon the carcass was divested of its protective covering. Throwing the skin to one side for later use he then prepared the meal for eventual skewering. After the animal was properly sectioned into roastable portions he glanced down at his now blood soaked hands. Chuckling more to himself, he could just imagine the look on Kagome's face if he were to hand her dinner over to her with them.

Getting to his feet he made his way towards the bathing hollow to clean up. Traveling down the twists and turns he could definitely see the young woman's need for lighting in this place. The darkness wasn't enough to hinder him in anyway but it must be absolute blindness for her. He did hope that she eventually found a way to hang the blasted things. Finally reaching the first pool his knees slowly buckled to stoop down and dip his filth covered hands in the water. Instantly the blood, dirt, and crust bleed away. Pulling out he watched the substance dilute and turn the pool the ever so slightest shade of the lightest pink.

His nose twitched pulling him from his thoughts as a new scent reached his nostrils. It wasn't Kagome but it was nearly as familiar. Frowning, he couldn't stop the pang of annoyance at his territory being broached to carelessly. His hairless brows working themselves into an irritated knot he quickly paced back towards the entrance to see what his new guest could possibly want.

It wasn't a run, wasn't a jog, it was more of a quick walk that got him back to the cave's cliff-like entrance in time to see the side of a head wearing a mane of unkempt white hair sniffing and poking around the room.

The hanyou looked up from his place glancing inside a nest hallow to see Ginta staring at him with a polite sort of expectancy. Glaring at the other youkai he continued his rummaging about the place.

"Oi! Where's Kagome?!" He barked frustratedly.

Ginta gave a brief shrug before sitting down on his previous log and beginning to set the first portion of deer over the fire. "She went out this afternoon, I just got back myself." He explained.

InuYasha gaped at him. "You let her go out there alone?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He quickly suppressed the annoyed expression he was sure was working over his face. "She's not a prisoner; she can go where ever she wants so long as she's within the grounds. Besides, it's not my place to tell her what to do."

The hanyou glared mutely at the other male, grumbling something beneath his breath before pacing around the cave.

He was somewhat surprised InuYasha didn't simply leave after he gave him his answer. Ginta wondered why he was feeling so tense in the hanyou's presence and watching him so carefully. His eyes followed him about the cave, his hands mechanically and uninterestedly preparing the rest of the food.

InuYasha obviously felt his attention on him and he tossed a crude glare at the wolf youkai. "Oi, what the hell are you looking at?"

"Nothing." He answered politely but couldn't keep the slight frown from taking over his mouth or the twinge of indignancy from his tone. He had never had anything against the other male before. He was Kouga's rival, not his, yet he found that he would like nothing better than for the hanyou to disappear.

If InuYasha picked up on Ginta's annoyance, he didn't let on. A few moments of awkward silence passed where the two youkai simply ignored the other's presence. Ginta could hear the hanyou shuffling about uncomfortably and saw, out his peripheral vision, his mouth moving to find something to say.

He coughed, turning his head away towards the wall, hiding his face. "So, has she mentioned me?" He asked nonchalantly.

The wolf shrugged again. "Not to me." Then again, he wasn't here most of the day so it wasn't as if she had that much time to `mention' him anyway.

He could feel more than see InuYasha's face fall, but the hanyou quickly recovered and straightened up heading for the entrance-made-exit. Ginta turned his focus back to the would be meal before he noticed InuYasha's pause at the opening.

He stopped at the entrance hesitatingly, standing there a few moments in silence before addressing Ginta. "Just tell her I was here." He said not turning to face the wolf as he jumped down from the edge and took off towards the forest.

Ginta nodded casually, more to himself than to InuYasha or his statement.

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His middle toe was just slightly longer than his big toe. Ginta noticed, idly twitching said toe, not bothering to touch the uneaten and now cooling food. InuYasha had left a little over a half hour ago and Kagome had still not come back. A sigh broke through the air signaling his boredom. Glancing out he saw that it was now officially night and wondered if she had gotten lost in the dark. He gave his middle toe another twitch and decided he would wait another few minutes before going to look for her. His ear perked up at the strange rhythm filtering through it. It was a sound coming from outside yet the cave was too filled with old blood, roasted meat, and stale smoke that his nose couldn't quite pick it up clearly. Turning his head towards the entrance he was just in the nick of time to catch a raven haired head sprout up.

"Hey, something smells good." Kagome said, her face wearing a weary but sincere smile.

Ginta couldn't help but smile back. "Hai, it's gotten kinda cold though…." He explained looking forlornly at the cooling and uneaten meat.

Kagome shook her head climbing into the cave, a bundle snuggled underneath one arm before she carefully dropped it to the side. "I'm starving, I'd eat it right off the cute, defenseless creature you tore it from."

The youkai gave a little chuckle, handing her a skewer as she sat on her seat across from him. He held back a comment when her mouth seemingly pounced on the roasted portion. Finally he took his own skewer and began to dig in. "Where'd you go?" He wasn't accusing or demanding, just honestly curious.

Looking up from her meal she looked as though she was about to ask him to repeat his question before an expression of realization swept over her face, appearing to realize what he said. "I was bored and needed more stringy material for the torches that I still have no idea how to hang. Then I guess I just got carried away with my picking. I never realized how many beautiful flowers this place had, if you just know where to look."

For the first time since she came in he noticed her bundle lying away from the fire. There was indeed much vine-like foliage, but they seemed to be outnumbered by white lily looking flowers. He frowned, "They're going to die eventually you know…"

Kagome gave a careless shrug. "Aren't we all?"

"Iie, I just mean, they can't survive in here without any soil or all those other things flowers need."

"Hai, but it'll make the place look nice for the time being, and I'll just go pick more when they die, so it'll give me something to do." She explained, going back to her dinner. "So what'd happened with you today?" She asked more out of politeness than anything else.

Ginta shook his head negatively. "Nothing really. Just patrolled the land and got the food."

"You thrill seeker you." Kagome commented jokingly, her eyes dancing playfully across the fire.

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A low, rumbling growl tore his attention from the surrounding abyss of darkness. Ginta whirled around startled to find Kouga standing there a ways away from him.

"K-Kouga?" He croaked.

The other wolf didn't answer. He just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, growling at him warningly, watching him menacingly, carefully, like a shop keeper would a thieve that hadn't shop lifted yet. The alpha male gave the appearance of an intimidating guard to something not yet known.

Ginta wanted to look around, wanted to find a way out of the unmoving oblivion that seemed to engulf him, but he couldn't tear his frightened, anxious, eyes away from Kouga. He looked ready to attack him if he took just one centimeter forward. A hand started forward beseechingly towards the stronger youkai. The growl increased to an aggressive snarl, making the hand submissively snap back.

"Kouga, what's wrong with you?" His voice squeaked.

The other wolf's gaze pierced him, appeared to stare into the deepest depths of his soul. He felt stripped and bare underneath his stare, as though he were being read like an old book. His heart beat thrummed in his chest like it would escape any moment like a caged bird let loose. Perspiration formed against his body leaving him hot and uneasy.

Kouga's eyes seemed to accuse him of things he had not yet done, like a teacher would a naughty student given the opportunity for mischief. Ginta's immediately wanted to repent, wanted to beg forgiveness for things he didn't know, yet his mouth had gone too dry to support his voice. So he stood there, his eyes wide fearful and full of penitence, his body slick and quivering, like a young boy preparing himself to receive the quick and harsh hand of justice from his father.

"G-gomen nasai, Kouga. Gomen, I'm sorry, Kouga. Kouga I'm sorry!"

And just like that the oblivion disappeared, being replaced with a more familiar darkness. Ginta bolted up, panting; his covers falling to crumple around his waist. His body was covered in a thin layer of uncomfortable sweat. All of the sudden the entire world seemed too hot and not to possess enough oxygen for his wanton lungs. Ginta gulped, desperately trying to get enough moisture to cure the scratchiness currently stinging his throat. Now awake, and feeling very tired yet lacking any sleeping ability, he let himself fall back into the cushiony fur of his nest with a swoosh of rustled covers. He lay there, simply staring at the ceiling of his hollow, desperately trying to get his heartbeat and breathing under control. Finally unable to take the heat that seemed to plague only him, Ginta tore away from his nest, padding softly away from the bed coves and making his way towards the bathing hollow.

Stopping at the first pool, he knelt down he cupping his hands in the water to splash it across his sweat soaked face. The water covered his face, dripping down his neck, and diluting and wiping away the offending perspiration. He began to feel better, calmer. He sighed wearily leaning his head back a little, gazing through worn and tired eyes. Using his arm to swipe away some of the access water he got to his feet shaking his head to clear the fogginess from it.

Opening his fatigued eyes, his first sight caught the water, its last ripple running its course. Kouga's face stared back, still wearing that look of intimidating warning, his eyes narrowed and watching. Ginta gasped momentarily stunned, his body jolting backwards, slipping on the mixture of water and sweat that had dripped off his slick frame. He didn't even get the chance to let out a startled yelp as his feet slipped on the cold, slimy floor, falling back into another nearby pool. A loud splash resounded through the silence, echoed by the reverberating crack of Ginta's head against the stony edge. He came up sputtering and wheezing for stolen air, his limbs flailing to find anything to steady them.

He found himself back in the state that had made him come here in the first place. Laying there in the stilling water he gasped for air, his arms and legs in awkward uncomfortable angle hanging over the edges of the pool, the back of his head stinging and throbbing violently. His body went limp, suddenly just to fatigued and weary to fight against everything. Ginta allowed himself to sink into the water hole, his head turning to one side to rest on the edge and keep anything from aggravating the tender spot. His breathing slowed and his muscles strangely relaxed, too tired to tense under the frigid water. Heavy eyelids fluttered once or twice in resistance before sliding shut, submitting to the cold, fatigue, and pain.

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So how'd ya like that? I'm glad I'm writing more; sorry the last chapter wasn't quite `up to par' as it were. But I'm at the point where I can really start picking the fic up and getting to the places I want to go with it. Remember, if u want the editing job email me at TeenZomby@yahoo.com or just review requesting it. Speaking of reviews, remember to review ppl, I need feedback. I don't care if u criticize me just so long as you don't do something retarded like say `this fic sux balls' ok yeah, so why exactly does this fic suck balls? Make it worth my reading. Luv ya! Thanx 2 everyone who took the time to review and are enjoying the story thus far, u make me very happy ^___^

Oh and about the whole Miroku and Sango leaving thing, I just think it was more realistic. Their whole little band was like high school, they came together to do something and once they accomplished that they have to separate to continue their own lives. I know all these other fics have Miroku and Sango reside in Kaede's village or whatever but I just don't think that's very realistic. U don't go through something like what they went through and come out scotch free.

Luv

The Deni Pie