InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Snow White and the Seven 'Dwarfs'...Sort of ❯ Going Bananas ( Chapter 51 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

AN: Sorry it’s so late. School turned my brain into a puddle of mush.


Belle ange- I know, Kouga was a slow idiot. But now he’s going to spend a lot of time making up for it (lucky Ayame). And Soten...sigh. Lol, I actually didn’t even think of Guillver’s Travels when I wrote it. I was just trying to think of something big Rin could find. And sorry about the chapter labeling, I’ve always assumed that meant the chapter was complete. I know, stupid.


Kagome123- Thank you!


Disclaimer- I do not own Inuyasha and I do not own Snow White.


Kagome


I tripped over my own feet again, cursing when my clothing snagged on a tree branch. I ripped it free, not caring about the cloth and kept running. The wind howled, whipping at my face as it forced branches to slash against my face and body. I nearly cried in relief when I saw the dwarf's house ahead, trying to put on an extra burst of speed to safety. I cried out when something cold wrapped itself around my ankle and pulled, spilling me to the ground. I heard chucking, and slowly looked back to see Kikyo pulling herself out of the ground despite the hand she kept gripped to me. She smiled; the red flesh of her mouth showing through the rotted skin of her face. "Wash my clothes bitch..." she ordered, her other hand reaching for me...


I gasped, my hand clutching my pounding chest while I shot up out of bed. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth the dream had left me with. I forced myself to keep taking deep breaths until my heart had slowed down and some of the sweat on my body had cooled. I looked out the window and nearly groaned to see the sun slowly lighting up the sky. Even worse was the sound of hundred of approaching footsteps. I felt my face go pale, at first thinking Naraku had come early. But the demons would have alerted the entire household if it was Naraku, even though all of them had been very...busy last night. So it must be my army. I almost groaned again, but forced myself to get up out of bed and start to get dressed, it wouldn't be good for their future ruler to laze around all morning while they were out preparing for battle.


And possibly death.


"...and she left me there all fucking night Kagome." Inuyasha whined, still complaining.


I continued to ignore him, trying to focus on making the army breakfast as a distraction from what was coming tomorrow.


My throat tightened, but I kept my eyes on the porridge I was stirring. Kikyo had been dead nine days, and the battle for my kingdom would take place tomorrow at dawn.


Oh Kami, I hope we’re all ready.


I poured some precious cinnamon into the batter, a gift from Oda, wanting to make it special for the troops.


"Grab the other pots for me Yash?" I asked him, taking the pot off the heat and placing the lid on.


He grunted, ticked off I hadn’t listened to him complain but grabbed the additional cases of porridge and followed me out.


The camp was crowded with men and a few women soldiers, the dwarfs rushing around like crazy trying to get everyone settled and organized. Rin and Seven were busy recording names and rank of the soldiers then assigning them generals to serve under. Sango and Ayame passed out dark blue headbands, the cheapest uniform we could afford. We couldn’t afford anything more formal then the headbands, and hadn’t really had time to come up with anything different. Hiten and Kouga were handing out tents and bedrolls to those who didn’t have their own, while I noticed Sesshomaru was conversing with a short, strange looking frog. Or maybe a toad, I had never been able to tell the difference. Kaede was talking with Oda and several other men who looked like they could be generals or of high rank. They gestured over to me a few times while I made my wait to where Shippo and Soten were waiting to help me pass out breakfast.


I smiled at the men as I passed out the porridge, hoping the warm and friendly aura I was going for covered the tiredness and worry in my face.


Oh Kami, some of the men I was feeding today might not survive tomorrow.


"Here she is gentlemen; this woman who is feeding her troops with food made by her own hand is Princess Kagome, our future queen!" Oda boasted as I was pouring porridge out into an offered bowl, leading the men he had been talking to over towards me.


I blinked, when Oda leaned down into a low bow in front of me, the men with him following. Father had never taught me how to receive such honor from anyone so I bowed slightly back, hoping I wasn’t screwing up. "Good morning Oda. Are any of you hungry?" I asked indicating the food I held. "I’m sure I made enough for everyone."


Oda shook his head regretfully, gazing hungrily at the pot I held. "As much as I want to, we’ll have to wait till later princess. We have to go over the number of weapons we have in order to distribute them. I just wanted some of the generals to meet you. We’ll talk to you later today. Excuse us princess." he said, leading the men away after another bow.


I frowned slightly, still not comfortable with the formal titles and bowing but returned to serving the troops.


"Hey Kag!" Kagura called out, suddenly appearing at my side at out of nowhere. "Can you do me a favor?" she asked.


"What is it?" I asked instantly.


"Can you go hunt Miroku down for me? Sango hasn’t seen him since last night and she’s getting worried. She’d do it herself but she was busy passing out headbands and now she has to pass out weapons. I have to go out and blow some carts around. Would you mind looking for me when you’re done with breakfast?"


"Of course," I agreed, worried a little. If Sango was concerned about Miroku there was probably good cause to be. And the fact that her family didn’t like him much didn’t help matters.


But honestly, what could a bunch of mostly harmless tiny people do to a powerful priest like Miroku?


Miroku and a bunch of mostly ‘harmless’ tiny people


Miroku scowled, fighting the urge to cover himself when he felt several pairs of interested female eyes run up and down his body. Before Sango he would have been delighted by the attention, but now he felt like he needed to take a long, scolding hot bath.


That and he was literally a giant compared to them. The logistics of it would never work.


"Lord Miroku of the West." Sango’s father’s booming voice distracted him from his discomfort. "Do you agree on the terms and conditions of this challenge? Do you understand the possible privileges you may gain from completing it, and the consequences should you fail?"


Miroku nearly rolled his eyes, getting even more irritated at the over dramatic words then he had been when ordered to strip down to his loincloth. "I do."


"With the completion of this quest you will gain honorary status as a Demon Slayer, respect from me and my people, and the hand of my daughter, Sango, in marriage. Failure will result in my gleeful ripping out of your testicles." Sango’s father added, happily noticing the sudden white of Miroku’s face. "Begin the obstacle course!" he roared at the slayers cheers as Miroku
began to run.


He gritted his teeth when he saw the first obstacle but forced himself to keep moving without hesitation or wincing.


Though he couldn’t help but hiss a bit when his feet finally met the hot coals the slayers had littered the ground with.


Sango. Sango. Sango. SangoSangoSangoSangoSango.


His mind chanted over and over again as he raced over the coals, trying to distract himself from the pain of the burning coals with mental images of Sango’s even hotter body.


It worked enough that he slowly started to block the pain out by thinking about her until he had reached the end of the coals to the disappointment of most of the slayers. He wanted to stop and take the time to heal his feet, but he didn’t want to let Sango down so he haphazardly repaired his feet as he continued to run.


Sooner then he liked as he followed the path the slayers had created last night, he made his way into a clearing and slowed down, having been informed that one challenge of the three challenges to prove his strength, wisdom and courage would be proved here.


He blinked in confusion when he spotted Hojo, one of Ayame’s vassal’s stepping into the clearing. "Hojo? What are you doing here?"


He shrugged, "A favor for the slayers. It’s nothing personal Lord Miroku, but you can not pass until you defeat me." Hojo explained before his fist quickly shot out and clipped Miroku on his jaw.


Miroku sprang back, thankful the slayers had not forbidden the use of his staff along with his clothes. There would have been no way to have even fought against a full demon like Hojo otherwise.


He grunted when Hojo’s second fist quickly followed the first while Miroku was still reeling from the last blow. That didn’t mean a weapon would make things any easier.


His cheek ached and he was slightly worried Hojo might have loosened a tooth. Ignoring it for now, Miroku blocked Hojo’s kick with his staff before using the end to tap harshly on his chin.


Hojo jumped back, surprised by the move. Miroku took advantage of his shock by rapidly attacking his sides in elaborate spins, pushing him back.


Hojo’s eyes narrowed; annoyed a human had forced him to lose his ground and began blocking his blows. But even as a demon, his skin wasn’t tough enough to hold up under endless hits with Miroku’s staff. He was to slow in blocking one of Miroku’s thrusts, as Miroku rounded up the end of his staff and strike him in the center of his forehead.


Hojo fell flat like a dumb cliché.


Miroku allowed himself a smirk before quickly moving on, knowing the course wasn’t over yet.


Ayame


Ayame whistled a little tune to herself as she ran back to the house for more headbands, ridiculously happy. Which was actually pretty selfish of her considering they were about to go to war tomorrow, Kag and Inuyasha still weren’t together and her insane whistling was starting to annoy the hell out of the others, but she would grab her happiness where she could.


She gasped when arms suddenly wrapped around her, relaxing when she saw Kouga’s familiar arm guards.


"Hey sweetheart." he breathed against her hair, holding her close.


Ayame nearly melted, his woodsy scent engulfed her and made her want to burrow closer.


"Hey." she said happily back. "Shouldn’t you be helping Hiten with the tents?"


He nuzzled her temple. "He’ll survive for a few minutes. Or hours." he added, his hands sliding up.


Her eyes fluttered, a blissful smile curving on her lips. "That’s hardly fair to make him do all the work Kouga" she teased.


She could almost see the wolfish smile Kouga aimed at her head, "He’s not the only one about to do some work love." he told her before scooping her into his arms, "Hi Ho, Hi Ho. It’s off to work we go." he sang the lyrics to the song she had been whistling to all day while he carried her up to the house.


When Ayame added in the high pitched whistle melody at the end, Kouga leaned down and grabbed her puckered lips in a kiss that would have made her knees shake if she had been standing.


She sighed, feeling happier then almost any other time in her life. Being with Kouga totally kicked any-romantic-relationship-possibilities-with-Hojo’s ass.


She gasped. "Hojo!"


Kouga paused and frowned down at her, "Give me five minutes and you’ll be gasping a different name." he promised.


Ayame rolled her eyes, "Lose the growl. How am I supposed to tell Hojo I’m with you now?"


Kouga thought for a moment. "How about, ‘Homo, you are a fucking pansy who couldn’t even compete with a superior male such as Kouga. Please do not ever look at me, speak to me, or think about me ever again if you wish to keep your eyes/balls/life.’" He nodded, feeling satisfied with coming up with such a brilliant response. "I think that says everything that needs to be said."


Ayame looked at him, and reminded herself she couldn’t hit him because then he might drop her. "I still want him in my life Kouga. Just as a trusted, platonic adviser."


Kouga scowled, "That’s not what he wants though." he grumbled.


Ayame reached up and cupped his cheek, "I don’t care what he wants. I want you not him. That probably doesn’t say much for my intelligence, but it is what it is." she added thoughtfully.


"Personally, I find you very smart." Kouga leaned down to nuzzle the top of her head, "Smart chicks make me hot." he breathed against her skin, grinning when she giggled.


Ayame thought for a moment before her smile turned into a smirk, "Your right, Hiten should be ok for a while."Kouga perked up and started again for the house, her soft giggles indicting him further.



Miroku


Miroku resisted the urge to look back as he jogged the thud of his footfalls the only thing making noise in the eerie quiet forest. It had been at least ten minutes since Hojo, shouldn’t he have run into something else-

*Crack.*


Miroku nearly choked as the ground gave way under his feet and sent him pummeling down to land face first on some kind of soggy substance.


Looks like he had spoken to soon.


Slowly, he raised himself up into a kneeling position, glad it seemed like nothing was broken.

He nearly gagged when the smell finally hit him, and he glanced down to what had broken his fall.

…over ripe, soggy bananas?


He scratched his head, wondering why the slayers would stick him in a hole with a bunch of bananas.


Something scurried to the right of him, causing Miroku to jerk around and blink at the dark corners.


Something was tapping at a rapidly fading barrier.



He swallowed as the black color of the barrier grew dimmer and dimmer until he could see what was on the other side.


Monkeys.


Hundreds of monkey eyes stared at him and the banana’s unblinkingly. They didn’t move besides to occasionally tap the barrier separating them from the man covered in their food.


Miroku nearly broke down and whimpered when one of them licked its lips.


He pictured Sango’s face in his mind quickly, drawing enough strength from that to stand up and grip his staff more tightly.


The monkey’s suddenly went insane when one of their hands broke through the fading barrier, jumping up and down and laughing in glee.


Miroku looked up at the top of the hole, nearly 10 feet up, wondering if there would be enough time for him to climb out.


Another hand pushed through. The monkey’s laughs and cries become a frenzy.


Miroku swallowed, trying to think quickly. There had to be some way to get out of this hole without being attacked by monkey’s in less then thirty seconds, he just had to focus and think.


…ok, he had nothing.


Kagome




I chewed my lip as I watched Sango get increasingly annoyed with each passing minute Miroku hadn’t shown up. Almost as soon as I had finished with breakfast, Kaede had grabbed me to make a demonstration of my powers to a few nonbelievers. More and more people wanted to come up to watch me blow up Kikyo dolls I hadn’t been able to get away yet to look for Miroku.
And with Sango helping to determine what man had what weapon, she hadn’t been able to tear away either.


I winced when in a fit of rage towards Miroku, Sango flipped a man over her shoulder and judo kicked another in the head when testing their skills.


Miroku better get here before Sango moves on from hand to hand combat.


Kami, what the hell was he doing?


Miroku and some very hungry, evil looking monkeys


Miroku had no idea what he was doing. Seriously, how the hell did he end up falling for a girl whose relatives trapped him in a pit with monkeys? Monkeys for Kami’s sake. What kind of twisted mind thinks up this stuff?


And this was really only the beginning, Kami help him.


Thinking of nothing else to do, he tried to push the banana’s over to one side of the barrier, hoping they would all go crazy and kill each other rather then him. Then he could just pile their bodies up and climb out or something.


His heart twisted suddenly. Had Sango gone through something similar as this when she became an official demon slayer? It would be one of the first things he would ask her if he didn’t get clawed apart. Maybe if she was still troubled or scarred over the experience, he could ‘comfort’ her.


He braced himself as the monkeys started clawing at the barrier, only moments away from freedom and their prize. Miroku glumly looked down at his banana covered body and tried to clean some off with no luck.


His gaze caught hold of his forgotten staff lying on the ground and blinked, tilting his head at it.

He looked back at top of the hole, doing a few quick calculations in his head as he hefted the staff up and braced himself.

He blinked and the barrier was gone, the monkey’s who had been pressed up against it stumbled in shock and Miroku ran, holding the staff over his shoulder.

The monkey’s screeched in outrage and rushed him, determined to take every last bite of their prize, including the scraps clinging to Miroku’s skin.

Near the end of the hole, Miroku stuck the end of the staff in the hole, using his momentum to flip himself up.

His fingers touched the edge of the hole and he grabbed on for dear life, trying to avoid the crazed money’s jumping up and down trying to drag him back down. He grunted as he pulled himself up and dropped to the side, allowing himself a few moments to catch his breath before getting up.

He nearly groaned when he saw the next clearing up ahead, but forced himself to go forward anyway.

He glanced back and shook his head once, "Monkey’s" he spat out before going on.

Hojo

Hojo walked back to the dwarf’s house, annoyed a mere human had beaten him so quickly. Not that he had anything against humans, but he was a powerful wolf demon, and possibly the next king of the Northern Mountains.

He frowned, the thought not cheering him up as normally it would. But lately he had noticed something was…missing. He had no idea what was wrong with him but he felt unsettled, off balance. Nothing felt right. If he really thought back, had anything ever felt right?

Hojo sighed and started walking towards the army base instead of the house, thinking some work might clear his head. At the very least he could see Ayame.

His frown went deeper. It was strange though he was never particularly excited to see her. He enjoyed spending time with her, he missed her when she was gone, but couldn’t image getting himself drunk over her like Kouga had.

Maybe something was wrong with him.


He sighed again, dragging himself over the hill to sweep his gaze over the busy camp below. He would find Ayame and see if he could help her with whatever she was…

Oh. My. Kami.

Hojo literally stood still and swallowed when all his instincts started screaming. He licked his lips, his entire being focused on the glorious being the gods had seen fit to grace the world.

Sun kissed skin with a lick of sweat beckoned to caress it with his fingers. The heavy fall of hair stuck to the sweat on a long, sexy back, making Hojo long to lift the long mass and provide the angle comfort. The lean form with subtle muscles screamed at him to wrap his arms and legs around the figure and never let go.

And those little doggy ears just screamed at him to gently nip and suck.

"Inuyasha! Grab the next cart, will you?" a woman asked him while he rolled those gorgeous golden eyes.

"Feh. Weakling." the angel sneered before stalking off.

Inuyasha. The name echoed in Hojo’s head and made him unable to ignore its siren call. Almost helplessly, he felt himself being drawn towards Inuyasha, but then he didn’t try very hard to resist.

Miroku

Miroku drew in a deep breath and nearly chocked when he smelled the ripe banana scent still lingering on his body. He shook his head and carefully tried inhaling again, before walking into the second clearing.

Thankfully, Hojo didn’t leap out of the forest so Miroku assumed he didn’t have to deal with him again this round. Instead, one of the tiny slayers-by the looks of it a teenage girl- sat cross legged on a log, impatiently waiting for him.

She glared at him from under her black bangs. "Took you long enough. You think I have nothing better to do then sit around and wait for you? I have a life thank you very much." she snapped and Miroku just barely resisted the urge to flick her off her seat.

Her nose wrinkled up, "Ew you stink. Couldn’t you have washed off in a river or something before getting here? The smell is going to give me a headache." she complained.

Miroku took another slow breath through his mouth as he sat down across from her. "Then let’s get the second challenge over with as quickly as possible." he suggested calmly.

The girl rolled her eyes, "Whatever." she replied carelessly, "Alright, so since you won the challenge of strength or something by beating the wolf demon Hojo you now have to face the challenge to prove your wisdom. Oh don’t look at me like that, I didn’t come up with the dumb speech." she snapped again. "I tell you three riddles, you tell me three riddles. Since our leader is assuming Lady Sango has slapped you around enough to cause brain damage, you only have to fool me once and you get two chances to screw up with me. Think you can get two right champ?"

Miroku didn’t grit his teeth like he wanted to, reminding himself she was probably only sixteen which should make her easy to beat. "Very well. I accept."

She rolled her eyes again, "Yeah, like you had a choice. You first."

Miroku thought for a moment, torn between the urge to make this easy on her and to get it over with quickly. "What’s the least number of chairs you would need around a table to sit four fathers, two grandfathers and four sons?" he sat back, relaxing as he waited for her to do the math for the problem.

"Four." she said immediately. "The four fathers could already be grandfathers and their definitely someone’s sons. You have two more chances to stump me, can you please try to make it a little challenging so this day wasn’t a complete waste?" she asked, sounding bored.

Miroku blinked; shocked she had gotten it so quickly. "You do not want to have it, but when you do have it, you do not want to lose it. What is it?"

The girl yawned, "Lawsuit. One more chance, and then you’re going to have to hope you can beat me twice." she reminded him helpfully.

Miroku swallowed, finally getting the feeling this might be more difficult then beating Hojo had been. One last chance. "No legs have I to dance, no lungs have I to breathe, and no life I have to live or die. And yet I do all three. What am I?"

The girl actually had to think about it, tilting her head to the side and biting her lip in a way that would look so hot on Sango. "A mermaid." she finally decided. "They have gills so they don’t need lungs and they have fish tails instead of legs."

Miroku shook his head, having enough respect for the girl not to smirk at his minor victory.
"Fire." he answered and the girl laughed.

"Aww look at that, Sango didn’t completely knock your brain out through your ear." she replied, studying him carefully. "Out of curiosity, how did you get Sango to agree into marrying you?"
He sighed, but it wasn’t entirely a tired sound, "Had to chase after her for years." he admitted.
"Sango’s not the type to commit right away."

Miroku told her the story of how they came to be, starting with how they met as children (Miroku taking one long look at her swinging her Boomerang and instantly fell to his knees to beg her to bare his children) to how her getting injured finally pushed his ass into seriously pursuing her. And now finally, they were to be married once Naraku was killed and Kagome safely on the throne.

The girl sighed dreamily, her earlier rudeness melted away, "Wow." she breathed, amazed such a fairy tale ending could come to a warrior like Sango.

"Well, now that that’s over, back to the challenge!" she announced, a strange twinkling in her eyes. "If a man carried my burden he would break his back. I am not big but leave silver in my tracks. What am I?"

"…the moon?"

"Nope! A snail." the girl cheerfully told him, and Miroku’s heart sank. He had hoped that after telling her their story she might go easy on him.

"What is more useful when it is broken?" she asked next.

"Naraku’s skull?" he guessed.

"Oh, creative answer, but not what the inventor had in mind. It’s a egg. One last chance Miroku,
you ready?"

Ready to possibly lose at the only way Sango’s family would accept him? Hell no. "Go ahead."
"Alright, a frog lies dead in the middle of an island. From the north, the distance to swim is 2 meters. From the east the distance is 3 meters. From the west the distance is four meters. And finally, from the south the distance is 5 meters. What is the shortest way for the frog to swim to the mainland?"

Miroku blinked, not wondering for the first time if she was insane. "…the frog is dead. He can’t swim anywhere."

"Correct!" she cheered, jumping up and down. "Congrats, you beat me and won the challenge!"

"I…" he trailed of and grinned, "I beat you."

She nodded, and started laughing, "Of course you were, I wasn’t going to ruin you and Sango’s lives by failing this. I seriously had you going though." she giggled.

"Yes you did." he stood up and bowed, "Thank you."

She waved him away. "Eh, I just would have let you go but I have to protect my rep. Now get your ass out of this clearing and give me a new slayer I can torment." she ordered and Miroku was out of there without further urging.


Dazed Hojo

Hojo moved towards the angel in a daze, not even noticing or caring very much when Ayame with Kouga in tow appeared in the camp. He focused every last ounce of his attention on the man someone had called, ‘Inuyasha’.

Inuyasha. Such a lovely name for a lovely man.

He felt a fluttering in his heart no woman had ever been able to inspire in him. He want to laugh, dance, cry, sing and write a 276 lined poem to the magnificence of Inuyasha’s cute little ears.

He sucked in a breath when Inuyasha turned around. And then he wanted to get down on his knees and compose a sonnet to that tight ass.

He licked his lips at the thought. Yum yum.

Miroku

Miroku’s eyes swept the ground in front of him as he ran, watching out for anything suspicious.

He didn’t want to fall down another pit filled with rabid lions next.

Which explains why he missed the line running across his path at eye level and ran right into it, snapping the delicate string easily.

He gulped when a faint whirling sound filled the air. That probably wasn’t good.

Miroku yelped when the first dart brushed his cheek, leaving a stinging mark. He gasped when a smaller one impeded itself into his arm. He nearly cried when another one flew past his hips, nearly slicing open his loincloth and almost hitting his groin.

He just barely ducked when another arrow went for his head and blocked a dart with his staff. If he had time he would have sighed. His favorite weapon was about to become riddled with holes.

He dodged to the side, dropped down to avoid three coming for him a row. He shot back up and caught another one in his staff.

Miroku almost couldn’t believe it. Freaking darts were being shot at him. Kami help him if they were poisonous.

Seriously, these people were only about six inches tall and he was getting his ass whopped by them. Were they really human or what?

He put on an extra burst of speed when he saw the trees thinning out ahead while the darts came down on him more furiously. He was almost at the clearing. He wouldn’t give up and drop to the ground like he wanted to. Sango would never let him forget it. The hell she would be able to tell their children she had been able to pass the slayer test while he couldn’t.

Sango. Sango. Sango Sango Sango.

He abruptly stopped as soon as he reached the edge of the clearing, darts covered him and his staff and he fought his shaking knees that wanted to collapse.

"Halt the darts!" A tiny voice rang out. "Give yourself a moment monk."

Miroku gratefully sat down, and start plucking darts out of his skin before healing the wounds sloppily. Thank Kami this was the final test. He felt like he was about to kneel over.

"Lord Miroku. This is your last and most difficult task. Are you prepared to prove your courage to the tribe?" one of the slayers asked after Miroku had healed most of his wounds.

Miroku plucked the remaining darts out of his staff and stood up. "I’m ready." he said determinedly.

"Then proceed into the clearing." another slayer ordered and Miroku complied, not hesitating.

After beating Hojo in strength and that teenager in wisdom, he knew what he was up against and felt well prepared. He had no reason to hesitate.

His heart dropped to his stomach as soon as he saw the next challenge he had to face.

Sango, his beloved Sango tied to a stake in the middle of the clearing, dripping in honey. While he had been dreaming up similar scenarios for years, the source of his greatest fear swirling around her had never been a visitor in his fantasies.

…Poisonous insects.

His hands grew clammy at the disgusting bugs who flew so close to Sango. He gripped the prayer beads around his palm. Anything else he could have sucked into his void right away. But not these.

Sango looked at him, anguish drawn on her face. "Miroku! Help me. Ow!" she cried when one of the insects drawn by the honey had finally bitten her.

Miroku’s hand immediately went to the prayer beads and tugged, without a second thought to anything else.

Kagome

I kneeled down next to Sango’s latest victim and healed his dislocated shoulder easily. I barely heard her grunt as she tossed the next one through the air and winced in sympathy when he cried out. My own body ached watching him groan.

Shippo crept over to me and grabbed my arm, "Kagome, Sango is scaring me."

I patted his head, "I’ll talk to her." I assured him, starting to get up.

"AHHHH!" the soldier screamed over my head as I ducked down to narrowly avoid missing him as he past over me.

Would it be weak to admit Sango was scaring me a little to right now?

"Let’s give her some more time to herself." I said brightly and moved quickly to the next punching bag she had adopted.

"What’s her problem?" Hiten asked as he walked up to us and easily placed Shippo on his shoulder.

I shook my head, "Miroku hasn’t shown up yet. He’s still in the cottage sleeping."

He cocked a eyebrow, "No he’s not. I saw him leave pretty early this morning."

…uh oh. "Are you sure?"

Hiten nodded, "Positive. Now that I think about it though, I haven’t seen him around."

I groaned, "Great. Who’s going to tell Sango now?"

Hiten grinned cheerfully as he stepped aside for a man sent flying by Sango’s foot, "Not going to be me, looks like Kagura’s got a heavy load she needs help with." he lied smoothly and ran away, leaving me fuming at his back.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. Miroku better have a damn good reason for wherever he was.

I jumped when someone grabbed hold of my shoulder and I jerked back to see Oda grinning widely at me.

"Princess, I need you to do something for me."

I smirked slowly back, "Only if you do something for me first."

Miroku

Miroku braced himself as his wind tunnel began dragging the bugs into his void and safely away from Sango. Whirling from the insects rapidly beating wings as they tried to escape their fate filled Miroku’s ears, but he kept his gaze on Sango face, twisted with fear.

The pain hit him first in his arm, sending him to his knees in the force of it. He chocked as it spread along his body, going numb before blazing in unending agony. His entire body shook as he forced himself to keep himself upright, determined to save Sango before himself.

His breaths grew ragged as poison filled his lungs and entered his bloodstream, heading straight for his heart. His head swam as he fought for breath and prayed for strength.

There were so many bugs still, still circling Sango.

Miroku gritted his teeth together, refusing to let his hand down. "Kami….protect…Sango!" he moaned, thinking only of her tear stained face.

He screamed when something ignited in him, making his previous pain feel like tickles before it was quickly gone. A white light flashed in his head and the bugs were gone.

"Fucking hell monk, you’ve proved your point!" Miroku absently heard one of the demon slayers yell franticly, "Someone, prop him down. Stupid lunatic, I didn’t think he was this crazy."

Miroku felt a strange peace envelop his body as he was pushed to his back and his arm starting prickling slightly. Sango was safe now. That was all that mattered.

"Someone…cut Sango down." he ordered, closing his eyes.

"You fucking moron, that wasn’t really Sango, it was an illusion. Did you actually think we would put her life in danger like that?" some slayer huffed in disgust.

His brows furrowed in confusion. That hadn’t been Sango tied to a stake, with honey coating her luscious form?

A lecherous smirk formed on his lips. Damn, what a perfect view to gaze at while you bite the dust though...

"Alright, that’s all the antidote we got. You better hope its enough. Kami, can you believe Sango’s into such a fucking moron?"

"Sango’s…safe?" Miroku asked, not up to long sentences yet.

"Well duh. Fucking moron."

Miroku sighed in relief, then frowned when he noticed he felt…stronger then usual. Strange.

After the obstacle course and nearly dying he should be getting ready to crawl under a rock for about a week or three. Slowly he sat up, confused when his head didn’t reel or his breakfast threaten to come up and greet him. He just felt a little dazed. Sort of distorted. But…stronger all the same.

"Where’s…Sango?"

"Kami, he gets knocked around a few times and he suddenly can’t speak." One of the slayers grumbled. "She’s at camp. Fucking-"

"Moron, yeah I get it." Miroku finished for the slayer.

"Well Lord Miroku." Sango’s father said slowly as he stepped forward from the crowd of slayers.

"It seems like you’ve actually passed the challenge." he said, sounding surprised.

Miroku forced himself to focus on Sango’s father and not the cloud that looked like Sango’s bottom. "Yes." was all he managed to say.

"MIROKU?!?" Sango’s yell echoed through the trees. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Miroku smiled stupidly. Seems Sango wasn’t at camp after all.

"WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU I’M GOING TO MAKE KIKYO LOOK LIKE THE ANGEL OF MERCY!"

The slayers shifted nervously, glancing at each other with guilty expressions.

"Miroku! There you are, I’m going to-" Sango stopped dead as she entered the clearing and gawked at Miroku. "Miroku?" she asked hesitantly.

When Miroku grinned weakly she cried out and flew over to him. "Miroku! What the hell happened? Were you attacked? Kami damn it Miroku, why didn’t you call for help?" she demanded, running her hands over him looking for serious injuries.

He gave her a lop sided grin and cupped her cheek, "Don’t worry Sango, I was just proving myself to your family. I passed the traditional obstacle course for an initiate and I’m now a honorary slayer and able to marry you." he told her happily.

Sango blinked. "…traditional obstacle course?" she repeated. "I’ve never heard of such a thing."

"But didn’t you have to go through some sort of test to prove your courage, wisdom and strength?" Miroku asked after a moment.

"I studied fighting for a few years and had a wild drinking party with the village after my first demon kill, I’ve never heard of a…father." Sango growled dangerously, her attention on the tiny leader slowly backing away from his daughter. "Why is Miroku under the idea he needed to pass a ‘traditional obstacle course’ to marry me?"

"…Strange. One of the other slayers must of told him…"

"FATHER!" Sango yelled. "I can’t believe you did this! Miroku looks half dead, how could you lie to him and put his life in danger?"

"How else was I supposed to decide if he was right for you?" her father asked stubbornly.

"You should have trusted my judgment! Do you honestly think I would fall for a jerk?"

"I had to make sure he loved you enough to tough it out. If some high and mighty lord is going to take you away from me and make you the lady of his castle then he better damn well know how to take care of you and be willing to protect you no matter what!"

Sango’s face softened, "Oh dad, I’m not going anywhere."

Her father lost his defensive pose and blinked, "You’re not?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. Miroku is going to pass his title to his cousin and move into our village. How could you think I would ever want to leave home and give up being a slayer?"

"So you’re going to stay home, fight demons and give me lots of grandchildren to spoil?" her father asked, ignoring her question.

"Yes." Miroku said immediately, liking the children part of the deal.

"And I get a son-in-law to torture." he added, nearly rubbing his hands together in glee. "Well why didn’t you say so sooner Sango?" he asked louder. "Of course Miroku would have been welcomed."

"I thought it was obvious." her mumbled reply was drowned out by the slayers cheers.

"Welcome to the family son." her father told Miroku, slapping his foot. "Come on slayers, lets go set the monkey’s free." he said cheerfully and quickly left before Sango could get angry.

"Monkeys?" she asked as they left, confused.

Miroku sighed and allowed himself to drop his head down into her lap. "Long story." he said tiredly, snuggling up against her thigh.

She slid her hand into his hair only to draw it out sharply, "Why is there banana’s in your hair?"
she questioned. "Never mind, I don’t want to know right now. You need a bath."


"I’ll scrub your back if you scrub mine." he said lecherously.

Sango laughed lightly, "Deal."

Meanwhile with Inuyasha and a suddenly gay Hojo…

Inuyasha set down the pile of wood, saving it for bonfires during the night. He wiped his brow,
sighing. Damn, it was hot out all of a sudden.

He turned around to go for another stack when he ran into something.

That something being a very hard, very male, chest.

Inuyasha swallowed his disappointment that it hadn’t been Kagome and stepped back. "Oi, watch where you’re stepping."

The man didn’t move, he stood there and stared at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha frowned and took a delicate whiff of the air. He was a wolf demon, probably from the pack that had come to greet Ayame. "Yo, you ok? Did the heat get to you or something?"

"Oh, something got to me alright." the man replied back, his gaze roving over Inuyasha greedily.

Inuyasha blinked, taken back. Ohh-kay. This was only slightly weird.

By why did his gaze remind him of something?

"Oh Hojo, there you are I needed to discuss something with you." Ayame called out as she came up to them with Kouga in tow.

"Uh-huh." Hojo replied back, obviously not paying much attention to Ayame.

She frowned slightly, "Ok, oh have you met Inuyasha yet?" she asked, wondering what was going on.

Hojo licked his lips, "I haven’t had the pleasure yet."

"Ok well Hojo, this is Inuyasha, Prince of the West. His brother is Lord Sesshomaru. Inuyasha, this is Hojo, one of my most trusted advisors."

"Hello Inuyasha." Hojo said silkily.

"…uh hi." Inuyasha said back, so freaking confused his head was starting to hurt, "I have to get back to work." he said bluntly, hoping to get rid of Hojo.

"Oh don’t mind me." Hojo causally leaned back against a tree and stared at Inuyasha with piercing eyes, "I like to watch."

The three of them stared at Hojo, wondering what the hell was going on. Inuyasha was confused on why Hojo seemed so familiar even though he had never met him before.

He reminded him of someone, but who?

"I have to tell you Inuyasha, I love your ears." Hojo purred. "They’re soooo cute."

Inuyasha nearly gasped in fear as his heart skipped a beat and it hit him.

Hojo reminded him of Jakotsu.

Fucking hell, why the hell did he attract all the gay ones?




AN: REVIEW!!! Right this minute! I order you to!