InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Soiled ❯ An Intimate Conversation ( Chapter 3 )

When she arrived back in modern Japan, Kagome said a quick hello to her family and went straight to bed. As she lay there, she couldn't help but think over the previous events of the evening. She remembered the look on Inuyasha's face as she had sat him, and knew that she had overreacted. She imagined him back at Kaede's hating her more now than he ever did before. At this thought, the tears came flooding out, and in this way, she slowly drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, she awoke to a soft tapping at her window. Confused she thought perhaps it was a bird pecking on the glass, and rolled back over. Again came the tapping. Kagome sighed, hoping the animal would soon go away. But as the tapping came again, she heard another sound that made her sit up.

“Kagome,” came Inuyasha's quiet voice, “Please let me in.”

Inuyasha waited a moment as he heard rustling on the other side of the window. Soon the curtains were pulled back and he was face to face with his Kagome once again. Generally, she looked fine, as though nothing were wrong with her, but Inuyasha knew her better. He could see the light puff and discoloration around her eyes, telling him that she had cried the night away. She gave him a small, “Hi,” as she opened the window and let him in.

“Have you come to take me back,” she asked as she sat down on the edge of her bed. Inuyasha sat down opposite of her in front of her desk.

“Kagome…”

“Inuyasha, I'm sorry.” She threw it out. She had decided that if she didn't get it out now, they may never get to it, or worse, they would start arguing again, and she just had to apologize for last night.

Inuyasha was flabbergasted. She was apologizing to him?! He hated that she felt the need to apologize to him. He should be the one apologizing.

Kagome heard him growling and was slightly taken aback, but she needed to get this out, so she decided to ignore it.

“I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you, and I most certainly shouldn't have sat you. I know that — “

“Shut up,” Inuyasha growled through gritted teeth. He couldn't take it. He couldn't stand hearing an apology he didn't deserve. It was eating him away.

Kagome had to choke back a lump of air that had gotten lodged in her throat. Inuyasha looked at her, and his eyes were so full of sadness, her heart hurt.

“Why, Kagome,” he had to know. Before he could apologize himself, before he could move on, he had to understand, “Why are you apologizing to me?”

“Why,” Kagome was confused, “because you deserve it Inuyasha. You've done nothing wrong, and I've been so cruel. You deserve an apology…as well as an explanation, “she forced out that last part. She knew he deserved it, but it was going to be so hard. She would have to tell him everything.

“Inuyasha, nothing I tell you will make sense unless you know this one thing, and it is very hard for me to say because I know that it might cause you pain. I,” she sighed. She knew it was too late to turn back now, but oh how she wanted to. As much as she longed to be able to tell him, she wanted him to finally have the happiness he deserved more. “I am in love with you.”

Inuyasha's heart leaped, “but why in Kami's name would she think that that knowledge would cause him pain?” At this moment, Inuyasha didn't think he could be happier, although he kept that to himself so she could continue.

“…realize that you are in love with Kikyo, and accept that. I know that you plan on becoming a full demon and going with her, but at the same time, that knowledge hurts me. I feel like every step closer to defeating Naraku and gathering all the shards we take, is another step closer I am to losing you. But I just want you to be happy. Please believe me when I say that.'

`I also realize that my just being with you hurts you. I remind you of Kikyo. I know that, and always have, but I love you, and can't stand to be away. That's why I stayed by you. I know that Kikyo could have found the shards with you, but I wanted to be with you so badly, that I allowed myself to be selfish. I guess that's why I've been sad lately.'

`Ever since I started training, you've been distant from me. I realized that my becoming a better miko only served to reinforce that reminder for you that I am only her copy. I can never measure up to her in any way. She was prettier than I am, a better miko, she certainly protected the jewel better, and she gave her life for you. I know that I am a very poor imitation of her, and that is causing you pain. I've been feeling so guilty for that. It's entirely my fault that you feel that pain. If I would only go home and leave you alone, or even give Kikyo the rest of my soul, you wouldn't need to feel that pain.'

`That's what I was thinking about when I looked at that tree. So I guess that's why I got so upset when you said that about my not being as good as Kikyo. I knew it was the truth, and I knew it was how you felt, it just hurt so much to hear you say it out loud. I had no reason to si,” Inuyasha cringed, “Oops, sorry, I mean `s' word you. It was completely uncalled for.”

Kagome ended there, and could only look at her hands in her lap. She watched as tear after tear fell on her fingers and palms. She heard rustling and knew that Inuyasha was standing up. For one terrifying moment, she thought he was going to leave, but when she looked up, she was surprised to see that he had grabbed a box of Kleenex, and was holding them out for her to take. She was a little surprised, but took the box, and scooted to face the hanyou as he sat down beside her.

“Baka woman.”

Kagome looked a little hurt by this, and Inuyasha had to smile to himself.

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said,” Kagome looked as though she were going to interrupt, so he continued on. “You know what I was thinking when I was in that tree?”

Kagome shook her head and sniffed, “I was thinking about how proud I was of you. You're only human, and yet you have tried so hard to get the jewel shards back. It's only been a month and yet you're learning things that it took Kikyo years to learn.”

Kagome looked back at her hands at this. Inuyasha immediately placed a clawed finger under her chin and brought her eyes back up to his.

“But that's not why I have been distant. Kagome, I promised to protect you, so I guess when you wanted to increase your miko powers, I knew it was because you thought I couldn't protect you. So many times I've let you get hurt because I wasn't strong enough. I'm just a weak hanyou, and I know that I'd be able to protect you better as a full demon. I'm always thinking about that, and so when you wanted to become stronger, I felt even worse. I felt like I was letting you down. I'm tired of letting the people I love down.”

Did he just say love?

“I want you to stop comparing yourself to Kikyo, because I don't. You are not her, and you are not worse than her either. And I don't ever want to hear you say something about giving her your soul ever again,” this he growled and Kagome jumped a little. Inuyasha stood up, “Ok?”

Kagome nodded and stood up herself, “Arigatou, Inuyasha.” She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. Inuyasha stiffened. Kagome had only hugged him a few times before. It always threw him off guard. His initial instinct was to run away. Showing emotion was something the weak did. Then again, Kagome did it all the time, and he always thought that she was so strong. Besides, he had just spent a whole morning revealing some of his most intimate emotions to the very woman he felt them for, so what was a little more. He relaxed, wrapped his own arms around her petite frame and rested his chin on her head.

Kagome would have loved to stay like that forever, but she felt Inuyasha start to pull away, and allowed him to go. He turned and started to leave again through her window, but she stopped him.

“Aren't you gonna wait for me?”

Inuyasha sighed, “Kagome, you probably should stay here a little longer and rest. Besides, you haven't been here in a while. I thought you would want to stay here for a few days like you usually do.”

“Oh, um, thanks Inuyasha. Yeah,” she said and smiled, “That's very thoughtful of you.”

“Keh, whatever,” was all he said, but inside he was smiling.

That's all for today. Please R&R and stay tuned for chapter 4: An Unwelcomed Guest!