InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Something Always Holding You Back ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter Three:

Kagome leaned against her apartment door once she was safely behind it. Sinking to the floor she ran a shivering hand through her curls sighing softly. What has she gotten herself into? Within less than a couple hours her world was thrown into the darkness of uncertainty and the unknown.

“Okay, Kagome. Get yourself together,” she said herself. “Right, like talking to myself is going to make things better,” she groaned. Standing up she flipped on the living room lights and hung her book bag on a hook that stood next to the door.

In the heat of the moment, she thought this game would be a good idea. Now calm and sane, she doubted the plan. Teasing and trying to piss off a demon was not smart. It was insane really. She was losing her mind. As she walked down the hall, she smiled.

Was this dangerous? Yes.

Was she losing her mind? Perhaps. But, there was a rush that she could not deny loving. It was liberating. Knowing she could effect him in some way. She could get emotion out of the ice prince. Kagome knew if she tried, she could thaw him out a little bit. Even if he exploded in anger and lashed out, it would be something. An emotion. Something he has never shown in front of her before. She would make it a game to get as many reactions out of him she could. She was scared of him, yes.

You are terrified of the him; do not lie to yourself, Kagome thought to herself. She snorted slightly. She knew better than to underestimate Sesshoumaru. She also knew, that as his mate, he could not physically harm her.

She paused thinking about that statement. Kagome looked at herself carefully in the mirror above her sink. Sesshoumaru was dangerous. He was going to be ten times that unsafe when she starts to pull the emotions he tried so hard to push away out of him. He could very well harm her.

Kagome winced at mental image and tried to calm the panic that started to rise in the depths of her mind. Sesshoumaru could harm her, but would not kill her. She trusted him that much. Kagome knew Sesshoumaru would never hurt her enough to endanger her life. She bit her lip looking into her own sea green eyes. Was this all worth it? Is the threat of being injured worth trying to get back at the demon that was to be her mate? Kagome kept repeating the questions in her mind as she turned on water in the tub.

Feeling the soothing hot water run over her hand as she tested the temperature, Kagome sighed. It was worth it. Everything would be worth it. “Maybe after all of it, he will break down his walls for me,” she whispered into the empty apartment.

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Kagome ran her fingers through her wet hair as she walked out of her bathroom into her bedroom. Pulling her comforter and sheets back, Kagome felt a sting of loneliness. The single dim light in her room added a gloomy curtain over the empty room. Kagome crawled into bed and burrowed underneath the blankets. Turning off the light she let the darkness surround her. Suddenly her bed felt to large for her small form. It was missing something. Kagome frowned as she hugged a pillow close. Her bed had never felt to large for her before. She always loved having enough room to sleep in the exact middle. Spread out and comfortable in a tangled mess of blankets and pillows.

Kagome curled up even smaller. She did not like the effects of being his mate, and they weren't even mated yet. She knew the effects of course. Being a miko, she was taught thoroughly all demon customs and traits. The connection of being his mate was through her soul. The pull of his soul on hers would start to change her. Kagome felt the smallest change in her body and tiny changes went even deeper. Now that she was farther away from Sesshoumaru, the pull was constantly there. Tingling and trying to nudge her to be near him. Kagome did not think the effects of being a demon's mate would be so unsettling.

She hated him and here she was, longing for him to be lying next to her. Kagome shivered at the image of his strong arms pulling her against his chest. She gasped slightly starring off into the dark emptiness. Kagome could almost feel his piercing amber eyes watching her. Her heart started to race thinking about the cold demon in her bed. She wondered how his long silver locks would look in the darkness. Would she still be able to make out the faint hint of glimmering white hues his hair had? Inuyasha's silver hair did not hold the unnatural glimmer Sesshoumaru's hair had. It fascinated her.

Rolling onto her other side, Kagome shuddered feeling the cold sheets press against her bare skin. The sting of loneliness hit her again. It was smothering. Kagome pressed her fingertips lightly on her cheeks. Gasping softly she felt hot moisture contact her fingers. She was crying? Why was she crying?

“Sesshoumaru,” she barely whispered. Somewhere deep down, she felt rejection. Her soul quivered. Because he was not currently with her, he was rejecting her. Shunning her away. She silently cursed the unearthly powers that ruled mates. She didn't want him to want her, but it was almost unbearable to think he didn't want her.

Kagome felt torn in two. Refusing to lose herself to his influences, she wanted to be herself. The same herself that use to hate Sesshoumaru. Kagome did not thinking being away from him like this would bring out such feelings from her. She resented herself for feeling so weak. Letting him get to her like this. Kagome was not sure how much of nights like tonight she could handle. Sniffling she buried her face into her pillow. Losing herself in the unwanted emotions of loneliness and rejection, she softly cried. After exhausting herself between battling with her emotions, she slowly succumbed to sleep.

As the morning light beamed through her windows onto her bed, Kagome sighed softly welcoming the warmth. She reluctantly opened her eyes trying to focus. She yawned softly trying to untangle herself from the blankets and sheets. The cool morning air rushed around her as she left her bed. She sniffled and groaned softly walking to view the damage the night before had done to her appearance.

Kagome bit her lip. Anyone who looked at her will be able to see she had a rough night. Dark bags hung under Kagome's eyes from a restless sleep. Her face was still puffy from crying, not to mention her nose was red and stuffed up. Her complexion was a lot off. She was pale, really pale. Feeling like if she looked at herself any longer she would only make herself feel worse, Kagome pushed herself away from the sink.

Kagome tried to think of a bright side as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. “Today is… Tuesday,” she said out loud. That meant she would be able to avoid most people and her friends since she did not have classes on Tuesdays. She could hide away in the library and try to study. With finals around the corner, she could not afford letting this mate business get in the way of keeping her GPA above a 3.5. Pulling a stool out from under the counter she sat down trying to avoid the feelings that lingered from the previous night. Kagome did not want to start her day off on a bad note. She had too much to get done to be too focused on her demon.

The spoon she was holding suddenly dropped and fell with a loud clang against the countertop. Kagome looked down at it frowning deeply. Her demon. In sense, he was her mate. That meant hers. But, it still came to a surprised. Kagome starred wiped eyed at her bowl of cereal. She wished some sort of demon-fairy godmother would pop out from somewhere, wave her wand, or claws, and make everything mesh together perfectly.

“Too bad this isn't a fairytale with a happily-ever-after,” she mumbled to herself putting her untouched cereal bowl into the sink.

Pulling her long chestnut curls into a side braid, she walked into her room. Rummaging through her drawers she paused with a small smirk upon her lips. She slowly pulled out a t-shirt, remembering Inuyasha sometimes would do quick changes at her apartment on his way to and from school and random sport practices. Kagome had forgotten she threw some of his clothes he commonly forgot into her bottom drawer.

Grabbing a tank-top to wear underneath, Kagome pulled both over her head and looked in the mirror. If Sesshoumaru caught her wearing another guys cloths, his brother's clothes, that would provoke some response, right? She could only hope. After the night she just went through, she needed something in return.

Humming softly to herself smiling, she pulled on a pair of comfortable sweatpants. Kagome proceeded to pack the supplies she would need for her camp out in the library. Once her book bag was properly packed she looked satisfied. Kagome was determined to make something out of this day. It was the start of her new life. After the events and unwelcomed reaction of last night, she needed something she could control. Kagome felt like her life was slipping away from her and she needed something, anything to grasp at to hold her still.

Hauling her overly packed book bag over her shoulder she grabbed her phone and keys. Slipping on a pair of flip-flops she walked out her apartment door. Locking her down behind her, she took a deep breath. Plugging in her headphones into her phone she turned on her music. Kagome hummed along softly as she made her way out of her apartment complex.

Even though she had an apartment, it was still located on campus and was a part of student housing for the older students. The library, unfortunately, stood at the other end of campus. Kagome bit her lip hoping, praying, she would not run into anyone on her way there. Her music solved that problem for her. If she zoned out, she would not hear anyone calling her name or make unwanted eye contact that would provoke unnecessary conversation.

The spring weather was perfect and the sun shone brightly warming the lingering coolness from winter. Kagome smiled as she felt the sunbeams kiss her skin. The smell of lilac filled the air as she walked down the swerving paths. Her body felt somewhat rejuvenated by the fresh and calming atmosphere.