InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Stealing Heaven ❯ Realization ( Chapter 36 )

(Yay!  No, I don't have a quirky preamble, I'm just ecstatic that I was finally able to get back into the feel of writing this story :D

As some of you already know, a few days ago I released my first novel; please refer to my profile page for the link if you're interested in knowing more about it.)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Realization

Sesshomaru watched Kagome storm into his house, breeze past him and putter around his kitchen with the same sort of quiet, uncertain observance one normally reserved for coming face to face with a wild animal in the woods. She didn't speak after announcing that they needed to talk, that seemed the strangest thing- the expression on her face told him she was blatantly ignoring his presence as she went about brewing a pot of gods-awful smelling tea.

"You're a tad quiet for someone who wants to talk," he mused nearly under his breath, but her small shoulders tensed at his words, easily telling him that she'd heard him perfectly.

She didn't turn to face him, only tapping the tin she'd extracted the tea mixture from and shook her head, "I will have plenty to say," her voice sounded a bit hollow- this troubled him as he knew that she was usually so passionate about even the littlest things- making him aware that she was not at all pleased with whatever it was she had to tell him, "but not until the tea is ready."

"Is this about what happened last night?"

The lifeless tone of his voice tore at her, but she refused to stop what she was doing, needing to focus on something else, anything else. My gods, she thought sadly, had it really only been less than a day ago?

When she didn't answer he found himself wondering briefly and facetiously- at least he hoped he could think of the possibility in a light manner- if she wasn't going to poison him, but she quickly held up a hand, explaining, "It's from Myoga."

This gave Sesshomaru pause. He couldn't begin to imagine what on earth the antiquated spiritualist had to do with anything, but the mention was just off-putting and attention grabbing enough to snatch away any possibly humorous, life-threatening scenarios. Having little choice about the matter, he simply waited until she was finished.

She poured a cup- but only one he noticed- and retreated past him, back into the living room. He turned on a heel, but didn't budge just yet, watching as Kagome set the mug down on the coffee table, beside his paper where it had originally been, and then seated herself on the far end of the sofa from it. When she raised her eyes expectantly to his he reluctantly pulled himself away from the kitchen's entrance and made his way across the room.

"You won't be joining me in this . . . terribly aromatic concoction?" He inquired smoothly as he sat down.

"I don't need to," she murmured, not able to hold his gaze as she explained in a rushed flow of words, "I'm not the one having black outs."

He stopped cold in his reach to lift the mug from the table. Black outs, plural? This was about more than just last night, then.

"You know about that?" He said, barely refraining from cringing- he never had been a big fan of making statements, or questions, of the obvious, but this one simply couldn't be helped.

Kagome cleared her throat awkwardly as she set her cell phone, which she'd dug out of her purse before she'd left the kitchen, down on the table to monitor the time- after all, she only had but so many minutes in which to tell him everything. "I'm sorry, this will sound strange, but I can't say anything more until you finish that."

True, Myoga had said that she only needed to wait for Sesshomaru to have been sipping it for five minutes- she was guessing that its aromatic quality aided greatly in the tea's quick effectiveness- but she felt if she kept talking, she'd say too much and then Nah Rah Ku would know something was up and pop in to keep the professor away from drinking it. She watched him for a long, strained moment, worried that she'd said too much already, but there was no change to his appearance or attitude that she could discern, so Kagome forced herself to feel relieved that- at least in that- she hadn't slipped up.

She fidgeted and fussed with her nails, tapped her foot against the floor, even thumbed quickly through the newspaper just to occupy herself. Never could she remember any other time in her life in which five minutes had seemed so very long. Every few moments she flicked her gaze upward to assure herself that he was still sipping the tea- not that she envied him, it smelled horrific, but, as seemed typical of Professor Taisho Sesshomaru, his expression told nothing of the fact that he was choking down something that must taste so very bad.

Finally it happened . . . the sound she'd been dreading met her ears- Sesshomaru setting his mug down on the table. There was a cold rippling in the pit of her stomach as she leaned over and peered inside, confirming that he's taken in every last drop. She was so distracted with her own growing feelings of anxiety and self-loathing that she jumped when he reached out and lightly, tentatively touched the tips of his fingers to her knee.

"Kagome, please," he began, his level voice soft, but stern, "tell me what's going on."

She nodded slowly, blue eyes fixing on the surface of the coffee table as she sputtered out, "J- just please don't interrupt or I'll never get through this. It, um, it all started back at the site . . . ."

Rushing and bumbling and tripping over words here and there in her hurry to get in as much as she could and still have some time left over for him to get his reaction out of his system before the shielding effect of the tea wore off. She told him everything that she could, fighting with herself every step of the way to not back down, to not let herself break down in tears, to not sugar coat anything. Kagome tried to assure Sesshomaru that the things that had happened between her and the demon had nothing to do with her feelings for him. They'd been at Nah Rah Ku's mercy- but she was going to save them . . . with Myoga's aid and instruction, she was going to set things right somehow.

She even told him things that she hadn't been certain were entirely true until she was speaking them openly to him- that the chance of him not believing her wasn't the only reason she hadn't told him sooner. It was also because she was so very scared that he'd blame her . . . that he'd see her differently after he knew about the things she'd let the demon do to her. Higurashi Kagome was in absolute dread that once she told him what she'd been hiding from him he wouldn't love her anymore.

The most astounding of all, perhaps, being that if she'd known anything like this could have happened she'd never accepted the internship all those months ago even though it likely would have meant she and Sesshomaru would never have had a single moment together, let alone have fallen in love. And as much as she had been fighting herself to not let it happen, a tear broke free to roll down her cheek.

"That's it," she finished in a small voice, glancing at her cell phone- twenty minutes left, she must have really rushed on through the whole thing.

She waited for him to get up and pace around as he berated her for letting the situation get this far, or demand that she get out of his house and insist that he never wanted to see her again . . . or, hell, even to just slump back against the sofa cushion behind him, shaking his head and giving him an exasperated sigh as he tried to put into words exactly how much her revelations had just made him hate her. But none of those things happened. In fact, nothing happened for what seemed like forever, despite her knowledge that it was really only about a minute.

Sniffling, she flickered her eyes up in his direction to see that he was staring at her with a completely, heart-breakingly blank expression. Nodding slowly to herself- she'd probably just ensured that he would never again look at her with anything but revulsion, but he had to know everything- Kagome lifted a hand to wipe that tiny, wayward trickle of wetness. She was going to get up, go retrieve her purse from the kitchen and leave him in peace until she was ready to confront Nah Rah Ku.

It happened then, before the backs of her fingers even came into contact with her cheek. Sesshomaru's hand had shot out, latching around her wrist. For a startled moment Kagome could only force out a helpless whimper as her fingers scrabbled against his larger, stronger ones in an attempt to free herself, terrified that the demon had broken through the barrier and was lashing out at her.

The grip on her wrist, however, was firm yet so very gentle. She gave up the struggle instantly, letting him pull her close and pressed her face into the hollow of his shoulder, giving into the wracking sobs she hadn't realized she'd been holding back as she felt his arms curling around her.

"I'm sorry, Sesshomaru, I'm so, so sorry!" she hiccupped the words, her voice muffled against him.

Gods, she was shaking- he'd not realized it until he'd touched her. He wanted to believe this was all just some sick, twisted joke, but he knew that wasn't so. He wanted to be angry with himself for the things The Thief had made him do, but that wasn't logical . . . he had no control over the demon- in fact, it seemed quite the opposite. He wanted to be upset with Kagome, to believe she should have come to him so much sooner, but that was illogical as well. There was no way she could think he would believe her until she had reason . . . like witnessing his forced acknowledgment of missing time last night.

She was blaming herself. He could tell her that wasn't true- that if the demon wanted into their lives so badly, it would have found a way, with or without her- but she wasn't likely to listen, which was alright, because he found that there was something in all of this for which he could hate himself. He hated himself for being jealous of the moments The Thief had spent with Kagome, and wasn't that terrible of him? To be jealous of another for holding her, forgetting that it was someone she barely wanted touching her at all?

Her cries quieted quickly and Sesshomaru glanced over her shoulder at the phone she'd place on the coffee table. If he was guessing correctly, they had roughly fifteen minutes until this wore off . . . until he was expected to push all of the sudden, shocking information to the back of his mind and pretend he didn't know any of it. For once in his life, he was positive that such a thing just might not be possible this time.

If they hurried, they might have just enough time to get him in the door before Nah Rah Ku had access to his thoughts again.

Kagome choked out a gasp as Sesshomaru stood, pulling her up with him, digging his car keys out of his pocket and giving them to her. "Let's go," he muttered levelly, blindly grabbing her hand to tug her to follow him.

She spurted, barely managing to snatch up her cell phone as he pulled her through the door and out onto the stoop. "G . . . go? I don't understand- and why can't we just take my car."

Leading her to his car, he spoke quickly without looking back at her. "To Myoga's, and your car might fall apart if someone sneezes too loudly in it, never mind driving at the speed limit."

"Myoga's?" she echoed, realization dawning as he released her hand to walk around to the passenger side. "Sesshomaru, we can't, not yet- I'm not ready to face him!"

For the tiniest second, Kagome thought she saw the flaring of his temper flickering in the depths of his eyes and he quickly strode back to her, cupping her face in his hands and leaning down so they were eye-level. "Kagome, listen carefully- I will not be able to get past the things you have just told me. You have to be ready because it is now or never. I think I'm handling things spectacularly well, given the circumstances and this is the only thing that I'm asking of you. You have to end this, because I can't."

He was right- he was handling it better than she'd thought, but if he really wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it . . . . She gave a determined sniffle, nodding emphatically. With the type of person she knew Sesshomaru to be, it was probably killing him to admit that he couldn't protect her- to say aloud that she had to be the one to protect him- and they were running out of time.

"Okay, Sesshomaru," she murmured in a rushed breath, touching her hands against his before pulling away and unlocking the door. "Wait, why am I driving?" she inquired, starting the car as he climbed into the passenger side.

"Because if the barrier wears off sooner than expected and I'm at the wheel, we might never get there."

Kagome nodded as she peeled away from the curb. If Nah Rah Ku found out all of this before she got him to Myoga's she didn't know what would happen. She couldn't think about what this might mean for her and Sesshomaru afterwards, either; she could only hope- for a tense, speed-limit-pushing several minutes- that they weren't pulled over by the cops.