InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Story of a Healing Heart ❯ Story of a Healing Heart ( Chapter 1 )

Story of a Healing Heart

This is the story of that same girl; the very unique, very special girl. She changed from that blossoming little girl that was failed by so many guys to a ripened woman who finally found her love. It wasn't her true love, but it was her NOW and her CURRENT. She was finally happy and finally had someone to herself that loved her as much as she loved him.

She was afraid her happily-ever-after wasn't real! How could she have it all? The good grades, the college of her dreams, a family that's supportive, and a boyfriend that loves her… that never happens. No one can have it all; no one can have permanent happiness and be forever with the person they love more than love itself, more than life itself. At first, she thought it was another trap. He was too perfect for her. He talked to her for hours on the phone, told her he loved her, woke her up every morning and tucked her in every night. He was a total sweetheart that loved her no matter what, he put up with her craziness and her insecurities, without complaint.

They'd talk six hours a day, he'd always do anything to please her and she was sure they were a match made in heaven, until she really started noticing the differences between them. He was her polar opposite; she had adoring parents, a stable home life, everything her heart desired, and all the freedom in the world. He had a foster home, 2 drugged out parents, a small caged area in which he was allowed to roam, and all the emotional problems in the world. He was an irrational, lonely, depressed, and desperate for love, type of guy. She could just feel her heart swell at the thought of having someone who definitely wasn't going to leave her and she began picking up the pieces.

She knew that he brought out the best in her, because other people noticed the changes. Her mood was definitely to first to change; she smiled a little more each day, she shook that cold feeling off of her, her cynical personality warmed up to the vibrant one she once had. She made sure to fall slowly this time, so if she was going to come crashing down, it wouldn't hurt as bad. She loved love; she wanted that fairytale romance, that sweet love where she was head over heels in love with someone. Love finally stopped being too rough, too boisterous, and stopped pricking like thorns. It was awesome to finally be able to borrow cupid's wings and fly above the world in a way where only love can.

He was now the person she has fallen madly in love with, he broke her. He made her tear down those walls and open the door. She saw the dedication, his desire to love and be loved, his tenderness, and his neediness. She wasn't obligated to see past too many flaws, she didn't have to constantly forgive, she wasn't forced to bite her tongue, she would never had to share her guy with anther. He was all hers and he gave her the freedom to do as she pleased in the realm of their relationships. She wasn't bound by unspoken rules, and that freedom was long overdue.

Chapter 2

She had lost her understanding ways in the transition. When she transitioned past that dangerous stage of sophomore year and into the stage of adulthood, she lost those innocent, naïve ways that made her both cute and gullible. They had morphed into a sarcastic way of speaking, a bitter attitude, and a barking tone to accompany her through the rough years. But her love mirrored her almost in the same way with his condescending tone, mean sense of humor, and cynical outlook on life.

Although he had some pretty darkened qualities about himself, he still retained some characteristics that added to his perfection and kept him at the center of her universe. He was the one who accepted her nonconventional ways. She was the queen of “implying” how she felt, implying what she wanted, and she expected him to know. He accepted her non-sexual nature; he even agreed to wait for her as long as it took. Because he wanted her for her, not her body or what's in-between her legs.

He didn't make her feel guilty for refusing, or pressure her into doing more. He actually let her be in control of their situation together, he wanted her to have choices, to feel in control of something much bigger than herself and he wasn't afraid to let her “be on top”. He wanted her happiness and her comfort to come before his needs and that was the most selfless thing a guy had ever done for her.

He had no problem accepting all of her flaws and she had no problem turning a blind eye to his. He had many of his own but he also offered her a breath of fresh air; he offered her honesty. Something no one before had ever given her; she knew that she was going to be given the truth (no matter how good or bad) and that was refreshing. No more being lied to, no more being hurt, no more being tricked; just pure truth. Many a night he had openly confessed his fears, his flaws, and his feelings and that only brought the world of comfort.

She had the world's craziest, emotional, sensitive, sexy, perfect boyfriend and that's all she could ask for. And she hoped that'd be enough for both of them, just to have each other and not have anything else. That never stopped her from worrying, but the idea kept her warm at night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

She could not believe herself to be so stupid. Wasn't the saying that the older one gets, the wiser they become; well none of that rang true because in just that one year's time she forgot the hurt and pain Aquarius had laid upon her. She even went so far as to completely forgive him and allow him a 2nd chance! Aquarius had nothing on her current love, because he was something Aquarius wasn't; her boyfriend.

In the 5 months that she and Aquarius had known each other, they never dated. If it wasn't one girl, then it was another, which prevented her from having that key spot in his life. Aquarius refused to allow her the one luxury she had never before been allowed to have and she let bygones be bygones and let him back through the door. She had someone who was truly there for her; who loved her for all that she was, all that she wasn't, and all that she planned to become, but she could not shake that past from her. He clung to her like a sleeve.

Where as she and her Leo, they dated twice. It was almost like a fairytale romance. He was her first love, her first boyfriend, and her first high school crush four years ago in high school. He had been a little older, a little out of the norm of what she dated, but he was hers and she was going to be there for him always. Until her parents ripped her away from her love, her life, and her home and dragged her to the godforsaken town of San Diego, she lost him and that connection in almost an instance. It took 2 years, a lot of electronic communication for them to re-introduce themselves but they finally found a love that could last. The circumstances were right; she's moving back home, he's preparing to be out on his own in the world, they're finally adults.

And it took a lot of remembering, a lot of re-reading old journals and old poems to really realize how painful her relationship with Aquarius actually was. He was nothing more than a liar and a cheat; he did things that benefitted him and cared not about anyone else. He is nothing more than useless bag of bones that takes advantage of girls' emotions and plays them until he gets bored of them. He was not looking for love, he didn't know what love was. He just wanted lust (sex).

She finally upgraded from that low-end loveless lifeless relationship to one that was actually beneficial to them both. One that held passion, excitement, kept her zealous most of the time, one that left her craving more and more. She was finally happy, and that was a miracle in itself because it had been such a long time since she was last feeling this way.

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Several new fears came about from the now fully grown woman. No longer was she that naïve little princess who could hide behind the enclosing walls of her two high school and the four white walls of her the home her parents raised her in. Now she was a free adult, and with the older age came older activities and a constant balancing act.

Those adult activities she neither desired nor planned to participate in. Why everyone was so willing to throw away something so irreplaceable and important, something that they can never get back is completely unbelievable and senseless. Why recklessly give someone such a huge piece of themselves for no reason is stupid. Life was so much simpler when the worse thing a girl would get from a boy was cooties.

Despite her own bodily urges and current relationship status, she still remained her innocence. She may not have been at the age where innocence is expected and being virginal is something smiled upon but she was not giving her maidenhood to anyone, not even her current love. It was the own possession she knew she'd keep until she was married.

She lay down the laws in which described her current goals their relationship. She was not ready to fully transition to a woman, especially in that sense. She was not yet ready to bless a guy with her womanly gift. But she was also afraid of losing him. He, a man matching her in age, who's desires overwhelmed his senses and overpowered his thoughts; a man who's main focus was obviously a release of those crazy hormones would certainly not wait for a girl who's stuck with traditional morals and values. No guy could be satisfied merely by his own hand and imagination, it was merely impossible. How could she compete with the worldwide competition out in the world?

Especially when another girl was trying to steal what was her? How could she honestly expect him to turn away something offered to him on a silver platter? But besides that current fear, she also feared losing herself. Turning into Bella Swan (from the 2nd Twilight book) who turned into a lifeless zombie when she lost the love of her life. She had lost Edward Cullen forever. She stopped hanging out with friends, stopped being a normal being with her own life and thoughts. Everything revolved him and that consumed her every thought until she couldn't sleep at night. Who would want that pathetic lifeless existence where the day by day focus is simply on a man? N friends, no family, no goals, no aspirations, simply living with no purpose…except for him.

She had seen so many of her friends trail down that path of no return. Love conquers all but it doesn't have to unless you let it. Why let someone who probably isn't even that into you take over your whole life until you lose yourself. Why? What is it in girls that makes them decide having a man is better than having a well rounded life?

She had no desire to give up her life. She had close friends she adored, a college life on the brink of starting, a family that supported her and a sense of tranquility she always wanted but finally got. She had her Leo and she was his Pisces, they were a perfect but they also knew how to live separately.

 

Chapter 5

Even though he was the love of her life, her other half, the part of her soul she never even realized she was missing, she couldn't get past the distance between them. 500 miles of land separated them from what should be a happily ever after. Even though he was the most wonderful person around, she couldn't look past his lack of text, his busy schedule, his female best friend, and the lack of romantic talks they could share.

He was an actor, up-and-coming in his local school plays. Although he never quite was the lead, he still landed a role that he could be proud of and for that he was extremely busy. Between drama rehearsals, shopping for a costume, and opening nights at the school's campus, his time for her dwindled down to a few sparing minutes each day that left her highly unsatisfied and lingering for more.

Oh how wrong she felt for juggling other guys. But her boyfriend left her so unsatisfied. She grew jealous at the mere mention of his closest female friend but she had the nerve to juggle 2 others behind his back. One even his best friend. She bounced back and forth the moral line separating her actions from right and wrong but she always took the most selfish route possible. Of course she cared for him deeply and no one could even measure close to her unrelenting feelings towards him but he was far too busy for her and she was far too lonely to wait for him.

He lacked the ability to juggle his life or maybe he had too much to juggle. Between his transition from a foster kid to an adult on his own, responsible for much of his own success or failure, he had to start making a life and a name for himself and maybe she was wrong for smothering him so. What right did she have to expect him to dedicate every waking moment to their cause when she was the one that lacked a life?

She could see no wise solution to their problem and she was tempted to say “Fuck it all”. Go back to a life of solitude where at least she could rely on herself and nothing more. But she was not ready to lose him as a friend, as a lover, or as her boyfriend. Boyfriend…the word foreign on her tongue, even now after nearly two weeks. She could not help but question her current feelings for her. Was she even able to love! After crushing, liking, loving him for so long, how can one go back to that simple life of emptiness? She could not suffer the fate of a life without him even though currently the life with him was very lonely. He was finally happy, he had friends, he had places to go, and people to see and she faulted him for that. As if it were a crime to actually have fun and be free. As depressing as his life was, as horrific as his situation had become, as miserable as his time remaining until he could enjoy sweet freedom.

If only he knew how much he meant to her; how she hung by the phone for his every word, how she waited so patiently for him to call, how she dreamt of him each night, night after night and daydreamed about him all day. How happy would life be if only she could say how she felt. She had not yet lay out all her feelings for him on the table because she knew he would fly the coop if he knew she would never leave his side, and each night she just cried at how lucky she was to have him.

 

Chapter 6

She had finally accepted the idea of him having a female best friend; of course she was more than a little bit jealous at first. Unless that whore put her pussy on a silver platter for him to enjoy. That female friend offered him the one thing that his own girlfriend wasn't ready to give up yet. How could she compete with that? There is his best friend, the only living in the same town with him, the one who he loved just a mere few months ago, the one who he kissed, offering her womanly present to a guy who's never been graced with one before….

She was a dirty little slut; she had a boyfriend, she was actually engaged. How dare she, someone who has already had a child (at age 15) and a boyfriend, mess with another girl's property? Has she no honor? Or bet yet, has she no shame? And then she dared to have the audacity to be a bigger bitch and criticize him for doing the right thing and telling her no. She was a trailer park, stupid used up whore and she hated her for that. She was watching her boyfriend slide between her fingers like wet sand into the arms of that other girl.

She didn't want this competition and he did little to comfort her, besides saying those famous 3 words (I love you) and give her a promise that she discarded like yesterday's trash. She wanted to believe him; she honestly did. He had never done anything to make her not believe him. But it would linger in the back of her mind; every time they hang out, every time he doesn't answer the phone, every time they have an argument…is he going to turn to her?

Even though technically there's nothing to turn to. He was taken, so was she. She didn't appreciate that fear, that constant looking over his shoulder. That constant uncertainty and mistrust was not appropriate, and neither of them deserved that type of relationship. She, for she was the victim in all of this, and he because he did nothing to warrant it. Why should their relationship change for the worse because of that girl's stupid mouth? It was that girl's choice to proposition her boyfriend into meaningless sex…and it was that bitch's choice to disrespect them as a couple when she offered herself to him sexually knowing he had a girlfriend, and she disrespect her as another female by trying to steal away what was hers, and she disrespect him as a friend by crossing that border of what's appropriate.

That level of disrespect, although he might forgive, was punishable by death in her eyes. That girl was nothing more than a piece of shit who deserved to live a miserable life without love and without happiness for her inability to see what was right in front of her. She was dead to his girlfriend now, any hopes of them trying to be friends and the jealousy disappearing is over.

 

Chapter 7

The 2nd time in two weeks, she had to suffer from his trailer park best friend. She innocently called her boyfriend's phone, to hear that miserable girl's voice on the other line. She thought it was a fluke. That girl was a problem that needed to be dealt with. Obviously that piece of crap doesn't understand her place in the hierarchy of this relationship. SHE is nothing more than the ex-crush, his past, his friend; but she was not even close to competing with his girlfriend.

Naturally his girlfriend was angry; if she wanted to talk to that evil girl, she would have called that number. But she had no right to twice answer his phone! She was going to be the death of their relationship. Pisces and Leo cannot stand up together if she interferes. She literally cuts them in half, twists and turns themselves against each other, for her own sick pleasure. She takes joy in ruining a couple she feels doesn't belong, even though it's not her place.

She was trying to be patient, honestly she was. She was patient when he didn't call all weekend even though she went to the emergency room, she was patient when he forgot to call her on time, she was patient when his friends and his extracurricular activities became his first priority, she was patient when his phone lost the ability to text…but this girl, she couldn't be patient with.

She tried to be friendly and hospitable to this girl, an important person in her boyfriend's life. She didn't want to pull the envious girlfriend and give the ultimatum of a lifetime. She did not want to force him to choose between her (as his girlfriend) and her (his best friend). She figured he could balance both, he could have his bestie and his girlfriend without having them compete but not when his best friend couldn't accept her place.

She had a chance to have him a year ago, when he loved her and wanted her. But she chose to stay with her stoner boyfriend (now fiancé) so what has she left to complain about. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She was wrong for interfering, wrong for being the way she is. Her attitude, her harsh words, her unbelievable disrespect towards her (his girlfriend) was just too much.

Who was she to think that she could keep him like a lost puppy and also have her fiancé? She was not special enough, not worthy enough, not important enough, not deserving enough for all that. No one deserved to be that way; so self centered that she honestly believed she was in the right for her actions. Especially when she offered herself in that sexual way to him. She was wrong for being the source of her (his girlfriend) pain.

 

 

Chapter 8

Pain, something so simple to explain but so hard to let go. The recent turn of events left her completely hurt. With his female best friend becoming a source of problems, her recent trip to the Emergency Room and his lack of calling, she was feeling alone and disappointed. Sure, she didn't expect him to call all the time…but at least a little bit would have been worth it.

Between his final closing play, his casting party, spending the night at 2 friend's houses and the going over to Kayla's house, he was pretty busy for the 60 hours of the weekend. And she was very patient. But it seemed like every time she called, she was met with “I'm busy” or “Can I call you back?” instead of actual conversation.

How lonely is that? How many times should one reach out to their significant other if they never get anything more than a promise to talk later? How ridiculous is it that they talk more during the week day, in-between his drama rehearsals and school, then on the weekends. They could talk anywhere from 2-6 hours Monday thru Thursday but less than one hour for the whole weekend…isn't that a huge contradiction?!?!

Is it humanly possible to be able to find more time during a crowded day then during 2 and a half days of freedom. It's crazy none the less but she put up with it because of fear. Fear to say something more that could throw off the balance they have. Right at the moment they were trying to recover the peace they usually shared, but his best friend threw that off. She wanted nothing more than for life to return to its normal self but

She left like everything was falling in line. He was getting his phone fixed, school was out in, drama rehearsals and plays were over, and they could finally get back to the way they use to be. And maybe she was afraid of that to, this relationship could fall into the zone of boringness where nothing new happens, and they run out of things to talk about.

But then again, run out of things to talk about when they hardly talk is probably not gonna happen. They barely squeeze in like 2 hours a day to talk, so how were they already out of new things to discuss? She couldn't talk about what she wanted…which was that trailer park girl best friend and all he wanted to talk about with sexual stuff which sent her head spinning and sent her thoughts out of control. So maybe there was a lot for them to talk about, but nothing was appropriate for the other person.

 

 

 

Chapter 9

She felt inadequate. She was blessed with wide hips, bountiful breasts, and a cute figure. But she was afraid to take the step; the first step in the direction of becoming a woman. As firmly as she believed in her cause, and as strong as she was in herself, this current situation left her at a crossroad.

She could continue down the straight and narrow path of a virginal college girl, or she could go down the winding path of a sexual lifestyle that could throw her off her goals and leave her more messed up then she wanted. But she was tired of growing older, but not growing up. All her other friends, even ones she had known since Elementary School, were giving theirs up to their boyfriends. These guys, who treated them like shit, cheat on them, lie to them, etc.

She was afraid to move forward, but afraid to move back. If she continued down this path of no sexual activity, then she would continue to lose guys because of it. But if she went down the other way, she could eventually lose everything. What sense does it make for her to give away something so valuable to someone who she wasn't going to be with forever? But then waiting for what, even marriage doesn't last forever…

She couldn't bear another moment; she was tired of watching the virgin status of her friends disappear to nothing more than a few socially inept like she. She could barely count on what hand the friends of hers that were still virgin, and she was definitely not getting any younger. Choices, Choices that she dreaded having to make. She was so afraid of not choosing what was right.

All her friends promised her that she would ultimately make the right decision for her and that in the end she would be happy. But right now all she could do was weigh the pros and cons for them both. Losing her virginity now would take some of the pressure of college life away, and it would mean that her current relationship would remain intact for awhile longer. But losing her virginity now meant she wouldn't have it for her husband, that she was potentially giving it away to a man that wasn't staying forever, and she would be emotionally bound to the one she gives it away to, forever.

Emotionally attached, because a girl can't just have sex for the first time and not grow strong feelings for the boy she does it with. A girl just can't spread her legs and allow him access to her precious gift without her heart hooking itself onto him. And that type of bond should not be shared with anyone…not unless it was meant to last forever. And even her current happily-ever-after couldn't guarantee that, now could he?

 

 

Chapter 10

Her mind was her worse enemy. It gave her thoughts of things that weren't even remotely possible, and allowed her to dream of things just beyond her reach. She wanted her life to be a fairytale, but she was passed the age of believing in happily-ever-afters and princes and princesses. She was too old, too mature, and too wise; to actually think that she could find her forever happiness, especially at an age where hormones and emotions controlled everything; including logic.

She was unapologetic for her emotional personality, just as she was unapologetic for her attitude and her personality. Except for with him, he made her weak. She lost control of her thoughts, her voice, her reasoning, when it came to him. He left her as just half of herself and she couldn't gain control. It was like she could say NO. She was unable to refuse him anything, even if it wasn't something she wanted to do. If he was to demand sex, and leave her no other option, she'd suck up her morals and values and put them aside long enough to complete the deed.

She was tortured by her toreness; she was unable to separate her emotional in love self from her own self and that was awful. It was like with him, she was censored; she couldn't cuss, she couldn't scream, she couldn't give that PISCES attitude that she was the queen at having because it was HIM. She's Superman and he's her kryptonite. He left her unable to even breathe without his very permission because she had given all of herself to him at the very moment she said yes to being his girlfriend.

Even with her feelings unsure, their relationship unsteady, their communication almost nonexistent. He held her heart, and all he had to do was give it a little squeeze and she would be putty in the palm of his hands. But then again some of the things he did was so frustrating that it just irritated her to no end.

Why would you call someone only to talk to other people and leave the person on the phone frustrated? Certainly that was not the first time that he had done that to her, but she was surely tired of being the afterthought. Called when he remembered found the time, answered when he wasn't with friends free, could be sweet but was too busy being nasty perverted.

Did he not realize how uncomfortable the situation was for all? For his friends to be forced to watch him waste everyone's time talking to her, and for her to be forced to be an third wheel in the fun time he has with him and his friends? Plus the fact that she was unbelievable envious; he was out laughing it up with the guys (and/or that trailer park girl) and she was stuck at home with her retired father and way younger brother.

 

Chapter 11

What a miserable end! A relationship that barely survived 2 weeks, which plagued her with stress, unnecessary drama, and a wallet $60 shorter but she was free. No more worrying on her virginity issue, no more late night phone calls, no more angered parents, no more missed TV shows, no more weird conversations and awkward pauses.

But she deserved more than him just saying that he never felt that way for her. That felt like a lie! He made it sound like the only reason they went out, even for those 2 weeks, was because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. But how did he figure that those feelings wouldn't be hurt now? What sense did that make? Unless it was all an LIE. Maybe he was afraid again, maybe he meant what he said. No matter what is was, she just wanted closure.

She wasn't trying to have him take her back, she wasn't going to plead or beg or explain or apologize, and this wasn't about feelings anymore. This was about making sure that she knew exactly why so she could better herself for the next relationship. He was stupid for throwing him away but she was not going to let herself go off without an explanation. She deserved He OWED her that much at least. IF he was going to leave her this way, so abruptly, so awfully, so without reason, then she could at least have fair chance.

She couldn't let anyone else interfere, not let anyone else scare her away from this opportunity. She needed answers, and she was going to have them regardless. Except he made it difficult UNBEARBLE. Wouldn't even turn his phone on so he'd have to face her…he was avoiding her all together and it wasn't fair to her at all. It's a shame when she has to go through other means of communication just to get to him, after all, why would it be so difficult?

Everyone was willing to help her out with this little problem of herself but she really wanted to take care of it herself. The relationship was between her and him, not her best friend and his best friends too. And she was afraid; all this time lapsed would leave him vulnerable for another trailer park girl attack. But she also respected the fact that he needed space; he broke off a relationship that was actually successful and it's not like he had a lot of other options going for himself.

He was the one that had to go to continuation school to get his high school diploma, he was the one that's GPA was shot, he's the one getting kicked out of his foster home in August, he's the one that has the sad shitty life and she was willing to overlook at that plus his own emotional flaws to make happiness but he was the one losing out. Losing out on a great girl; a smart, intelligent, loving, understanding, gentle girl who was willing to give all of herself to him if necessary.

 

Chapter 12

Well all is back to normal. Friends are what they finally agreed on. She finally got her explanation, the one he so owed her. He never wanted to be with her, and he has a pessimistic look on life. Maybe being in his life but not with him is for the best, because at least now she can see how much better she is and see how maybe friends is the only way to go with immature guys like him.

She's learned her lesson about giving money to boyfriends, and dating someone beneath her. She learned her lesson about ignoring red flags and being too available. She learned her lesson about dating and now she can move on, not with a broken or heavy heart but with a healing heart. Each lesson and each failed experience brings her that much closer to her love and that much closer to finding the one she's suppose to marry.

As for Leo, he was a phase. Love is too strong of a word to describe a couple that's dated less than a month. Strong attraction, maybe just need but not love. She gave all of herself; her commitment, her time, her feelings, even her money, but that wasn't enough for him. It proves something's wrong with him; not her. She would not internalize this rejection, this breakup. Because she knows 100% that she is innocent, that she gave all of herself and that the relationship was flawed because of him and his fake feelings, not her.

He was suppose to be her fairytale happily ever after but she never accounted for the fact that he had changed from that one she idolized freshmen year to this guy that she hardly knew. Honestly, she had met a nice, playful, Christian boy who was at the young age of 14. Now she is the ex of a pessimist, atheist, heartbreaker who uses people for their own good. Even being friends is wrong; after all the pain (3 days worth) was laid upon her, it was wrong of him to just expect that he could have his cake and eat it too. He dumped her, used her for a new phone, and then still gets to have her in his life.

But she let her ill feelings and bad intentions go. There was so much she could have done for revenge, ways she could have gotten back at him but she chose not to. She was much more satisfied with being the bigger person and looking out in the world for someone who could appreciate her Pisces heart and love, someone that was right for her. For every guy that's wrong, out there is someone who's right. Maybe this lesson had to be learned, before she started school, before she went away to college, before she returned to her hometown so that she could put this chapter of her life behind her and start new.