InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Strictly Taboo ❯ Commitment ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Their week of bliss ended when Kikyo came back from her romantic getaway with Suikotsu. Inuyasha and Kagome went back to awkwardly pretending they were barely friends. The tension was so great he felt as though he would implode or explode, whatever, whichever. Kikyo was conducting almost all her business over the phone, staying at home even more often than he was. He actually went back to work just to get away from her. Things with the company were going fine; he had managed it in such a way for so long that it could practically run itself for at least the next couple of years if he felt like it. They really only needed him there to sign off on things. The highlight of his day was seeing Kagome. He dropped her off and picked her up as usual, and even though she was almost completely silent during those times and then barricaded herself in her room immediately when they arrived at home, he cherished those moments. Just looking at her made him feel at peace, drinking in her scent, remembering all their hidden moments. And then they’d arrive at the house and that peace would fly out the window the minute she ran off and he was left alone with his wife.

It was a night like any other when all the unspoken tension reached a head. He knew Kikyo was confused about why he was being so distant, and her confusion made her angry. He was already angry, so that was a recipe for disaster. Kagome was in her room sleeping, forgoing dinner as she had so many times before. Her behavior worried him and he would have liked nothing more than to go upstairs and forcibly make her eat one or two things. Unfortunately, she was dead set on depriving him of her company and had made sure to lock her door and windows (he had checked them, repeatedly). With nothing better to do, he decided to actually talk to Kikyo, which would hopefully calm her down and make her stop being so snappy with him and Kagome and whatever unlucky bastards she conducted business with over the phone and Skype.

Inuyasha was leaning against the counter across from the refrigerator while his wife looked through the machine’s contents for something suitable to eat. His grouchiness returned full-force. If Kagome were the one looking through the fridge, she’d prepare something from whatever they had and it would be great and she wouldn’t complain about his intermittent shopping.

“You should really start to train Kagome, Kikyo.”

Without stopping what she was doing, she grumbled, “To do what? Archery?”

“No, with her priestess powers crap,” he said irritably. It should have been obvious.

Kikyo stood straight up and closed the fridge door in one fluid motion. She glared at him and snorted. “If she’s so powerful then she doesn’t need any help from me. She can just train herself.”

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. “Why are you so jealous of her? She’s your daughter, your only child. You should be fucking proud.”

“The girl may look like me, but that is the only proof she is mine. She is lazy and rebellious and without all the work I’ve done with her upbringing she would have ended up as just another whore on some street corner by now. Why should I be jealous of something like that?”

Inuyasha couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His hands gripped the marble counter so tight he thought he’d break it. “Something? Kagome? She is not a thing. Do you even know her at all?” he spat out, enraged. “At least tell me you love her, in your own cold and twisted way. You do, right? You have to.”

She laughed and the sound made goose bumps appear on his flesh. “I have to do no such thing. She is my only heir, unfortunately, and I have provided for her. That is as far as my maternal feelings extend.”

He remembered what Kagome had told him about the baby in the box. He didn’t fault Kikyo for her decision, it was her right after all, but that could have so easily been Kagome, his reason for living. What had made Kikyo keep her first child, he did not know, but he was grateful.

“You— How can you? How can you hate her?”

One side of her mouth lifted up in what he thought was deranged amusement. “The fact that she looks like a product of asexual reproduction helps greatly. She was so greedy, even before coming into the world, stealing my appearance. She will steal my company after my death, death by the misery and strain she caused with all her selfish, willful ways.” Her brows furrowed and her eyes blazed and she seemed very far away. “Tormenting me night and day with her idiocies, always demanding more, more, more. More food, more attention, more blood and sweat and tears.”

“Stop!” he broke in, shaking his head. He was begging now, he did not want her to change the way he saw her. “You don’t mean it, Kikyo, please stop.”

That seemed to get through to her and her eyes lifted to his, slowly focusing, just barely. “And now she’s stealing you,” she whispered in a high voice that was so unlike hers.

He froze. Oh God, she knows. “I-I’m not— She—“

“You are her father now. She is stealing you away from your work, your life, your very sanity. And you allow it because you pity her. She is a curse. Your company will fail like Shikon and then she will absorb even your existence just as she has absorbed mine,” the naked hatred in her eyes and voice dissipated somewhat. “I know you are fond of her and think of her as your own child, but just because she wears my face does not mean she is like me at all. She ruins everything she touches.”

She didn’t know. His relief was so overwhelming it left him dizzy, leaving him grateful enough to be generous with her.

“Kikyo,” he said after taking a deep, calming breath. “I know that everything seems terribly difficult right now, but don’t say those things. That’s just the despair of your situation talking. I’m going to find you a doctor, a psychologist. Then you can work out these thoughts you’ve been having. Just imagine how bad you’d feel if Kagome had overheard you.”

She laughed, short and cruel. “My body is in decay, not my mind. You think she doesn’t know these things? I’ve been telling her all her life. Things like her need to know their place in this world. Just because she’s inheriting a top company and prestigious position doesn’t mean she’s any less of a monster.”

That was it. He grit his teeth together and approached her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her as hard as he dared.

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying!” he hissed, wanting to yell but being considerate of the girl upstairs.

She smiled brokenly and reached out a hand to touch his face, caressing him as gently as he had shaken her roughly. “Oh, I do, my love. She ruins everything. She destroyed my life and took even the broken pieces that were left over. She is killing me every day. I should have terminated the pregnancy right when I found out, had her ripped apart before she overwhelmed me, but I—“

Inuyasha slapped her, without even meaning to. Her head flew to the side and he stared at his hand. Kikyo tried to turn her head forward again and he slapped her once more, this time fully aware of his actions. He knew it was wrong and he hated himself, but he hated her more. There was a dark, itching feeling inside of him and he wanted her gone, out of his life and Kagome’s. He felt like hitting her again even as his mind protested, and he raised his hand.

“Inuyasha, no!” screamed the subject of their conversation.

His head shot up and he saw her in the doorway, tears running down her face. How long had she been standing there? He had been so consumed by this new, powerful hatred for Kikyo that he had not noticed her arrival. Letting go of the hold he had on his wife’s collar, he watched dazedly as she fell hard to the floor, silent and unmoving but still conscious.

“Mother!” Kagome sobbed, running past him without even bothering to glance in his direction. She knelt and flung her arms around Kikyo’s neck, holding her to herself and shaking with the force of her tears. Kikyo looked at him over her daughter’s shoulder, that same deranged amusement from earlier back in her eyes.

“See, Inuyasha? Do you see how she cries for attention even when she is grown and I have been struck down?”

He clenched his fists and fought the urge to rip Kagome from this beast and take her away, far away until all of their problems and obstacles faded into nothing.

“Mother, you can stay with me in my room tonight. I won’t let him hurt you again.”

His heart felt like it had been put in a very slow blender with very dull yet determined blades. Inuyasha longed to reach out and hold Kagome, explain to her why he did what he did, cradle her in his arms as she was now cradling her mother, but he could not even speak let alone move. The fear of having their secret discovered and the fear of her rejection were too great.

“Get off of me, Kagome. Inuyasha has hurt me far less than you have.”

Kagome’s sobs stopped from the coldness of her mother’s voice and Kikyo roughly pushed her away, hard enough so that the girl fell backwards. Inuyasha caught her before her head hit the tile, holding her firmly and protectively in what he hoped appeared to be a fatherly way. Kagome did not protest his touch and he doubted she even felt him there. Kikyo stood over them, looking very thin and very tall and very sharp and very cold. Her features twisted in a sneer and she looked like she might spit at her daughter, but of course she didn’t. No matter her emotions, Kikyo was never one for such blatant acts of indelicacy.

“I will be going to Suikotsu’s,” she announced, straightening her already straight black cardigan. “While I am gone, try and examine your actions to see how they led to the events of this night, Kagome. I will not have you blaming anyone but yourself for this.”

She turned and glided out the door, shutting it noiselessly behind her. This seemed to bring Kagome out of her trance and she attempted to scramble out of Inuyasha’s grasp, screaming, “Mother! Don’t go. Wait for me, Mother!”

Kagome tried and tried to squirm her way out of his arms but Inuyasha would not give. He held her tight, drawing her back to his chest and embracing her. Her movements became more frantic and she took great sobbing breaths.

“Let me go!” she screeched. “Don’t touch me. I need to go with Mother. Mother!”

Her legs kicked uselessly in front of her and he began to rock her gently in an attempt to calm her down, murmuring how much he loved her and how sorry he was into her now sweaty hair, knowing that she could not hear him over her panicked shrieks. She lunged backward, trying to knock him over, and when that didn’t work she slammed the back of her skull into his face, actually managing to draw blood from where a fang pierced his lip. He cursed and shook her, not too hard, nothing like how he had shaken Kikyo, not allowing his grip to loosen, letting out a low growl. That seemed to do the trick and she gradually stilled, allowing him to turn her around and press her face into the crook of his neck. She cried for nearly twenty minutes, sobbing hard and nearly choking a couple of times, calming down as he stroked her back and nuzzled her hair with his cheek. He wondered at how one so young could possess so many tears. He had lived for several brutal centuries and he knew for certain that the pain she was experiencing in this moment exceeded the total amount of emotional suffering he had endured in his lifetime. His parents had loved him, and that love had carried over even after death, making him confident and secure. What was Kagome feeling? He couldn’t even imagine.

The small girl in his arms stopped crying and only sniffled from time to time, her arms limp at her sides, legs curled around him. He continued rocking her and stroking her back as comfortingly as he was able and finally she brought her head up, her watery eyes boring into his.

“Why did you hurt Mother?” she whispered, her voice scratchy and slightly lower.

Inuyasha blanched. He had completely forgotten about that. He felt guilty for not feeling guilty about it, and he felt guilty that Kagome had witnessed his first (and hopefully last) act of domestic violence, but that was as bad as he could make himself feel about the whole thing, and that wasn’t very much. However, his shame magnified a hundred times under her heartbroken gaze.

“How much did you hear?”

“…Everything,” she whispered, a tear falling from each eye and migrating their way down her cheeks, racing each other to her neck.

He had hoped she had only arrived to see what he was now calling Kikyo’s punishment. Knowing that she had heard everything the woman had said made him feel sick to his stomach.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kagome. I-I don’t know what made her say those things.”

“She’s right, though. Look at me,” she said, letting out a miserable laugh. “I’m evil. I did steal you.” The tears were beginning to fall faster and he panicked, not wanting to again see her as broken as she had been just moments before. “All I ever wanted was for her to love me.”

“Look at me, Kagome,” he said sternly. “You did not steal me from anyone or anything. I gave myself to you from the moment we met. I was born for you and you for me. You are good. You are pure. Not even I can take that away from you.”

She kissed him, gently, lovingly, right on the spot where his fang had pierced his lip. It had already healed, but he could feel the bit of dried blood still there.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she said, quiet and ashamed.

“It’s nothing. I love you. So, so much.” He kissed her on the corner of her mouth, feeling it tremble.

“Why?”

“Hmmm?” he said, distracted. In his mind he was mapping out the kisses and touches he would give her, recalling the different places and pressures that made her smile.

“Why do you love me?” she croaked, voice still rough from crying. “Is it because I look like Mother? Or do you just prefer young girls?”

“Wha— Hey!” Now she had gotten his full attention. “I’m not some heartless pervert. I wouldn’t—“

“Do you even really love me?” she asked tremulously, her big eyes searching his face. “I can’t believe this is the first time I’m questioning this. I’m so stupid. Why would someone like you love me? I’m nothing. Worse than nothing. It’s just like Mother said—“

Inuyasha kissed her, holding her by the hair and tilting her head back, furiously probing her mouth. Kagome was working herself up into a frenzy, Kikyo’s words nearly undoing all the work he had done on her heart. Pulling away, he glared at her as she tried to catch her breath.

“You are everything,” he said hoarsely, his heart aching at her lost expression. “What do I need to do to prove it to you? I’ll marry you tonight. Take you away somewhere far off. I can live with the disgrace. I can live without the money or anything else. You are everything to me. But am I everything to you?”

Her eyes were wide, tears no longer falling but instead frozen on her face, clinging to her impossibly long and thick lashes. Her mouth dropped open in a shocked gasp. “I-Inuyasha, we can’t—“

Untangling his hand from her hair, he muttered, “That’s what I thought.”

“Inuyasha—“

“It&# 8217;s okay, Kagome. You’re young and I’ve lived a long, long time. You don’t know what you want and I do. That’s just the way it is. I just wanted you to know you’re not the one who should be insecure. I’m yours forever.” He tried to sound cavalier about it and failed miserably, his voice breaking towards the end and his ears drooping.

“I… I love you. But I’m scared. I want us both to be happy and not have to hide, but I don’t know if we can ever have that. You and Mother are both subject to a lot of public scrutiny and she does love you. I don’t know—“

“Your mother is sick, Kagome,” he interrupted, not wanting to lie to her any longer. All loyalty to Kikyo had shriveled and died in him.

“I know she said some hurtful things, but that’s no reason to call her that.”

“No. Your mother is sick, she’s ill.”

“W-what? She’s— What’s wrong with her?” Her eyes had gone wide again and he could hear her heart beat speed up. Part of him regretted telling her, but now that he had let it slip he just kept going.

“Breast cancer. Inoperable. She only married me to make her company profitable again and protect it until you took over.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No. That’s— You’re lying.” Kagome had a wild look in her eyes and he mentally cursed Kikyo for everything she had ever done to the precious girl-child in his lap.

“I wouldn’t lie about this, about anything,” he insisted. “I hated keeping the truth from you and after tonight I had no reason not to tell you everything.”

“But why didn’t she tell me?!”

“She said something about wanting your last days together to be natural. If this is natural,” he ranted, “then I have no idea why—“

Kagome started crying again, quietly this time, and he quickly grabbed her, putting her in the same position as before and comforting her yet again. She wound down after a few minutes and he idly wondered what time it was. He would keep her home from school tomorrow so she could rest.

“You know, Mother never comforted me like this. Not even when I was a baby.”

He was surprised at how steady her voice sounded, and how empty. She seemed so calm and that scared him.

“Urasue told me that Mother used to leave me in my crib for days, only allowing her in my nursery once every five hours to check on me.” Her gaze was dull and Inuyasha stroked her hair, only just holding back from demanding she come back to him from wherever she had drifted away to. “She said she snuck in once, worried because I had stopped crying, and she saw Mother standing over me with a pillow on my face. I never believed her, she was always kind of crazy and a drunk, but I don’t know now.”

“Kagome,” he whispered, horrified. He didn’t know what to say so he just held her tighter.

“Mother used to tell me stories about you. That was the only time I would ever see love in her eyes when she looked at me, but even when I was little I knew it wasn’t for me, but for you. And I loved you too, because she did. I’ve loved you all my life.”

Inuyasha murmured how much he loved her and tried to bring her head up so he could kiss her some more, then hopefully change the subject so he would not hear things that would make him want to murder his dying wife. Instead of complying with his wishes, Kagome burrowed her face into his neck and clung to the front of his shirt, the feel of her little fists grasping him so desperately making him melt inside from a thousand different feelings which when put together equal love.

“When she’d get angry,” she continued, “she’d tell me about my father, about how I was her on the outside and the worst parts of him on the inside.”

“Your father?” So Kikyo had lied to him about that “wild winter in Europe” shit, just as he’d thought.

“They were together for years before he broke it off right before the wedding. On New Year’s Day, too. What a bastard,” she said bitterly.

Everything in him came to a stop and all he could say was, “W-what?”

“He left her on New Year’s. She was already pregnant with me and tried to tell him, but he wouldn’t listen. He refused to speak to her.”

“And when…when was this?” he asked shakily.

“Sixteen years ago. I told you, she was already pregnant with me.” Kagome nuzzled her face closer into his shoulder and he stroked her hair robotically. He had not done the math before; why, how had he not done the math before? But that was impossible! Even with the stories Kikyo told her daughter, it couldn’t be true. There was always Onigumo. She had been with them both around the same time.

“How did your parents meet, Kagome?” he croaked out.

She sighed heavily. “Some dumb party for wealthy business people where everyone networks instead of having fun. You know the kind. She told me how she noticed him right away because he was wearing a bright red shirt and practically raping the hors d’oeuvres table, ignoring everyone who tried to speak to him or shake his hand. I really hope I’m not as alike him as she said.”

Inuyasha couldn’t breathe. He remembered that party. He had been slightly rougher before Kikyo had entered his life and tamed him, teaching him how to behave, her lessons remaining long after she had fled. It was a real Beauty and the Beast moment, he could almost see their montage now. Of course there was never any wild winter in Europe. That was so out of character, not that he had ever believed it. And she had once said how he reminded her of Kagome with his stubbornness. And on his first human night with her, when Kagome had mentioned how their hair was similar, and the violet-blue flecks in her eyes that matched the flecks in his…

But that couldn’t be. It just wasn’t true. But, then again, was it so hard to believe? The dates matched up and everything Kikyo had told Kagome seemed to indicate that— But no! He had not sensed or smelled any demonic blood in her. It was impossible. He had been drawn to her at first sight, drawn in a way unlike any other he had ever experienced. But was that love at first sight, as he had thought, or had he on some level recognized her as kin? No. If that were true, then he had taken her virginity in the same bed she was conceived in.

It couldn’t be. The universe was not that cruel.

He heard Kagome gasp and he opened his eyes, not knowing when he had closed them.

“Inuyasha, you’re bleeding!”

She touched her delicate fingers to his lips and he flinched, not out of pain but because of that small contact with her. He had bitten his tongue, hard, and his mouth was full of blood, some leaking out the corner from between his lips, which was what she had noticed.

“I’m sorry for complaining so much and for hurting you,” she whispered lovingly, fingers tracing his lips. He felt bile rise up and he fought it down, turning his face from her and taking deep breaths through his nose. It was not true. It could not be true.

Kagome rocked her hips against his groin, startling him, and softly kissed his cheek, trailing her way down his jaw. He swallowed hard and nearly choked on all the blood he had forgotten he carried in his mouth, fighting the urge to look at her. Shifting slightly in his lap, he saw her remove her silky peach nightgown over her head and toss it behind her. She was completely naked now and his body was responding while his mind was close to bursting.

“Don’t feel bad or sad or guilty about everything that happened tonight. I love you so much, I can’t be mad at you. I understand why you do the things you do. Please look at me,” she said softly.

His head turned without his permission and he saw all of her beauty. The lust and love he always felt when seeing her bare before him now made him nauseous. Her face leaned closer to his and he could not move, trapped by her gentle intensity and his own warring feelings. Closing her eyes, she kissed him sensually, somehow luring his tongue out into her mouth and sucking on it, slowly taking his blood into herself. Inuyasha moaned, guilty and disgusted with himself, and his hands drifted to her soft, naked rear.

“Take me now, Inuyasha. I want you so bad I can’t wait for you to carry me to your bed. Do it as hard as you like, I’m so wet already.”

“Ka—go—me—,” he panted, beginning to forget why he was resisting her. She had been stepping up the dirty talk, knowing how it drove him wild to hear her say naughty things in her sweet, clear voice. Kagome was still a little shy, and although he knew she enjoyed him getting a little rough with her, she always acted like she was doing it just for him, not because she wanted it. It was always better when she got like this, and he could tell that after the fight earlier and their talk she was in a wilder mood, willing to do things she usually only blushed about when he brought them up. Sometimes, she showed her gratitude with sex, something he would never complain about.

Her hands tugged at the hem of his t-shirt, practically ripping it off of him in her hurry, and she licked her way down his front with her clever tongue, kissing his nipples teasingly and running her slim fingers up and down his abdomen. Noticing his lack of participation, which was obvious as he was usually on her and in control long before now, she doubled her efforts, sucking at the spot on his neck that always drove him crazy. When that only made him clench his fists, she smiled and placed a hand on his crotch, rubbing him through the rough material of his jeans. She pressed her lips to his, sucking on his lower lip and biting hungrily. He whimpered and wrapped his arms around her, not able to take it anymore.

She couldn’t be, he couldn’t be.

And, the dark part of his mind whispered, so what if she is? Nobody would know but him. Kikyo would be dead soon enough, and she didn’t know what he and Kagome did together. He already loved her, wanted her, needed her too much to let her go, even with the knowledge of something like this. That was it, they were already too steeped in their sin that stopping wouldn’t make much of a difference. He could handle knowing as long as he had her by his side, and he would never tell Kagome. She wouldn’t stay with him if she ever found out that he was really her father. She loved him, but not like he loved her. The knowledge would destroy her.

Growling savagely, he pushed her to the ground, this time not catching her before she hit it. She moaned in pleasure at his rough treatment of her and he pinched her nipples, turning it into an excited scream. Inuyasha bent down and sucked hard on the pink peaks, hearing her frenzied moans and gasps and humming a moan against her breast in return, every sound she made turning him on further, increasing his dark lust. He danced his fingers around her clit, teasing her and making her squirm.

“Beg for it, Kagome.”

Her face scrunched up and she whined, “P-please!”

“You’ll need to be more specific, my angel,” he said gruffly, his mouth watering in anticipation yet leaving his throat dry, his fingers pinching her clit just to hear her squeal.

“Fuck me hard, Inuyasha!” she cried out, her face flushing beautifully, probably more in embarrassment than anything else, but he’d take what he could get. “Harder than ever before,” she added in a humiliated whisper, turning her red face away from him and pushing her hips up.

“Yes,” he hissed, sliding into her slowly and kissing her cheek. “Such a good girl, Kagome. My good girl.”

He had said the words to her before, but now they took on another meaning and he snarled at his thoughts, pushing them away.

“I’ve always been yours,” she whispered, brushing his bangs from her eyes.

His lust was cut through with a love so tender it nearly made him weep. Staring adoringly into her eyes, he kissed her gently on her perfectly plump lips. It couldn’t be true. He would forget about it. And if it somehow was? That was okay, too. This girl was sent to save him and he was sent to save her.

It was difficult to fuck her roughly with such thoughts in his head, but he managed, holding her legs as far apart as they could easily go and then some. Her breasts bounced with each thrust and she kept eye contact with him, which she knew he preferred, although her gaze was cloudy with lust and her eyes shut with every particularly swift hit of their flesh. He groaned and panted loudly, watching the sweat collect at her temples. He wanted to taste it, so he did. Kagome was close, and that always meant that he was too. Inuyasha thrust into her wildly and her moans and sighs and gasps rose to a higher pitch, finally becoming a desperate, beautiful wail as she clenched around him tightly and squeezed his own orgasm from him. Collapsing, he laid his head on her breast, breathing hard onto a nipple. She shivered and he kissed the nub before withdrawing from her and rolling over onto his back on the cold, hard tile. He sat up, uncomfortable. How had Kagome been able to lay down there for so long? He looked down at her. She was still flushed and gasping, their mixed juices leaking out from between her thighs. Grabbing his discarded shirt, he cleaned her and the floor, making sure no trace of their passion remained.

Later, after he had carried her limp form up the stairs and situated them in their usual sleeping position, he said, “Hey. Are you still awake?”

“Mmmm,” she frowned, eyes still closed.

“Do you, um, ever want to find your real dad?”

“No,” she said sleepily. “Anyway, you’re my dad.”

“W-w-what?” he sputtered.

Kagome opened her eyes and tapped his nose playfully with the tip of her finger. “You know what I mean, Papa Yasha. You protect me and love me like a father should and also how a lover should. You’re my everything too, Inuyasha.”

He relaxed and kissed her softly. “Yeah. I love you so much, Kagome. Never leave me, no matter what.”

“I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” she murmured, drifting further into dreamland. Inuyasha lay awake all night, never taking his eyes off her. He would protect what was his and he would never, ever lose her.

No matter what.