InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Strictly Taboo ❯ I'm Not Yours Anymore ( Chapter 30 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kikyo’s belated birthday party came around quicker than he was ready for. Inuyasha had spent the brief amount of time from his resolution to the day of days by forcing himself to be comfortable with Kikyo’s body again, admiring her hair and the beauty of her face and skin. She seemed much more girlish now, certainly in part due to his attentions, less the cold, matronly queen she had been ever since their fateful reunion. Her personality had softened to the degree it had been at the height of their relationship, when he had asked her to marry him. Eventually, fantasizing about her was no longer difficult. He had done it often enough years ago. It made it that much easier to ignore Kagome.

The girl was always with Hojo, and they were so lovey-dovey that it made him absolutely sick. Their scents were nearly indistinguishable, and she had gotten permission from Kikyo and his parents to sleep over at his house on occasion. Each time she left for his place, Inuyasha shut himself in his room, ignoring Kikyo even though he knew she was confused and hurt. It was just that he knew what they were doing together and he couldn’t help but be unhappy. He still loved her. Images plagued him at night. The two kids were obviously attracted to each other. He remembered that first day, the day his relationship with Kagome had changed forever. It was because he found that idiot on top of her, and her just lying there and loving it. The boy was probably a virgin. Kagome would be the one to teach him, seduce him. She would ride him like she had Inuyasha and tell him how to please her just right, something he himself had known instinctually when it came to her. But that bastard was likely all too eager to learn, and with such a willing pupil, Kagome would certainly be happy.

He shook his head, ignoring his straining erection. Now, he always forced himself to think of Kikyo while he masturbated, even though it took longer. But it was Kagome that got him going, and Kagome he would think of as he finished. Inuyasha had tried to change that and failed, time and time again. He hoped it would change after tonight.

Fixing his ridiculous bow-tie as best he could, he glanced at himself once more in the mirror before deciding good was good enough. He was nervous, like he was taking a girl to the prom or something. He certainly looked like he was, that was for sure. Inuyasha had fished out an old tuxedo for the occasion. He and Kikyo were going to the most expensive restaurant he could find, some French place with a long name that he couldn’t pronounce and had already forgotten. She had already had a small celebration earlier in the afternoon. A couple co-workers had come by to wish her well, dropping off gifts he could tell she didn’t really like but appreciated because of their monetary value. Same old Kikyo.

“Are you ready?”

His wife stood in his open doorway, looking lovely and elegant in a dark blue evening gown with matching satin gloves. Inuyasha frowned. He had told her they were only going to dinner, but she was dressed as though they’d be attending a show as well. Nodding at her, he quickly fished out his phone and texted Myoga to somehow find two tickets to whatever theater show he thought Kikyo would like. Taking her hand in his, he silently led her out of his room and down the hall. Kagome was nowhere to be seen, not that he cared, he thought petulantly. He could hear her in her room, playing her stupid music, alone for once.

Before he could object, Kikyo tapped on her daughter’s bedroom door with the side of her clutch. “Kagome, we’re going out! Come and say good night.”

Inuyasha could practically hear the reluctance in her footsteps, and it comforted him somewhat. The door opened slowly, showing Kagome clad only in some oversized varsity crew team shirt. He wanted to rip it off her and burn it and bury the ashes in a desert.

“Good night, Mother,” she said mechanically, leaning in to kiss the air beside Kikyo’s face. “Good night, Inuyasha.”

Kagome turned to go back to her studies, but he couldn’t help himself and grabbed her into a fierce hug, ignoring her and his wife’s sharp intake of breath at his actions. Inhaling her scent until he separated the boy’s from what was just hers, he laid a soft, secret kiss on the top of her head. It was their goodbye kiss, the very last one.

“Good night, Kagome,” he said as he pulled away.

She looked at him with wide eyes and he could tell she finally understood what he had been trying to communicate. This was the end of them and the beginning of something both old and new. Inuyasha thought she’d tell him to wait or give him a sign of some sort, but then her expression hardened and she slammed the door in his face.

“Inuyasha, you really shouldn’t be so physical with her,” Kikyo chided gently. “She just survived a traumatic experience at the hands of a group of men, and she might be afraid of men now. You can’t force her to act like before.”

He frowned, not having thought of that. It would explain a lot. “But she seemed to find herself a boyfriend pretty quick after all that,” he grumbled, now doubly hurt.

Kikyo laughed. “Yes, a boyfriend. Hojo is as young at heart as Kagome used to be before all this. He hardly acts his age and his innocence shows in his face. He’s not at all threatening and that’s just what Kagome needs right now.” His wife patted his arm sympathetically as they went down the stairs. “Kagome was your first real friend, wasn’t she? That’s why you’re so attached?”

He looked at Kikyo in surprise, wondering when she had become so observant. “Well… Yeah,” he admitted. “You were my first love, but she…”

She made him happy.

“I understand.” Kikyo obviously didn’t want to dwell on the subject, her temporary generosity now exhausted.

Inuyasha wanted to laugh. She understood? She could never. It would break her heart and drive her mad, and he couldn’t do that to her. Not anymore.

They arrived at the restaurant after what seemed like an eternity spent in traffic, him sitting silent and fuming while Kikyo tinkered with the radio, only stopping when she found a station playing some instrumental weird African tribal shit. Her taste in music was even worse than Kagome’s. At least the songs Kagome liked were under half a freaking hour and weren’t all pounding drums and screeching pipes. Once they entered the ostentatious establishment, he noted that the people, even the goddamn waiters, were snooty as hell and dressed better than he was. Inuyasha tried to make conversation and act like he was having fun, all the while secretly hating the small portions and the subdued feeling of the place. It was also way too dark. Being half-demon, he didn’t need too much light to see, but he swore there was only like one lamp on in the entire place and that was just overdoing it. He liked to see his food as he ate. All the same, it was worth it to see Kikyo glow with happiness. Making her happy made him feel serene.

After the dinner, he followed the directions in Myoga’s text and they wound up at some super artsy theater with ugly modern architecture that made him want to roll his eyes and punch the designer in the face. Say what you want about the so-called “Dark Ages”, but they knew how to build a goddamn beautiful building. His wife was excited by the surprise and he smiled at her, knowing she had been hoping for this and would have been completely let down and upset had he not organized it. His assistant had managed to procure two second row seats for them, dead center. He didn’t like being in the front row, and he hoped Kikyo wouldn’t mind. It was some dumb musical about cats, of all things, and he was suddenly less than grateful to Myoga, interpreting his choice of show as an insult. Kikyo seemed riveted on the sight, though, and that was enough for him. Her hands were clasped and her lips were parted slightly, and she stayed so still it began to make him nervous, but then it was over and they were driving home and he really began to feel nervous.

He said nothing the entire ride back, and she took the hint and stayed silent as well, unlike Kagome who by this time would have been rambling nervously and then begging him to tell her what was on his mind. He shook his head; now was not the time to think of her. His heart beat faster as he walked Kikyo to her room, what had become a nightly routine for them.

“Thank you for the lovely evening, Inuyasha. Good night,” she said in a low voice before kissing him on the cheek.

He coughed, and then just decided to go for it. Inuyasha kissed his wife on the lips, for the first time in years. Willingly, anyway. Kikyo gasped in shock and he panicked and thrust his tongue in her mouth, hoping she wouldn’t reject him when he had been practicing this in his mind for so long. Reaching behind her back, he boldly opened the door to her room and walked her inside, stopping only when she hit the bed and fell back on it.

“Inuyasha,” she whispered, touching a hand to her lips.

Her eyes were glistening with tears and she was dearer to him in that moment than in any other previous, although not in the same way. She touched his heart, but did not excite it. Too many negative things had happened between them for him to ever love her with that blind fervor he once had. Now he knew her too well to ever want her in the same way. But still, he would love her. He had to.

Inuyasha nodded at her and she stripped out of her dress, leaving the gloves and her heels on, adding that extra dash of the erotic to the scene that he needed. He kissed her neck, then her breasts, seeing for the second time the frighteningly discolored small lump near her right nipple, then plunged into her, remembering she liked less foreplay and more roughness. Her gasp told him he was right, and an idea entered into his head. He would be loud and he would make her be loud, and then Kagome would know what she had done and regret it. He smirked and thrust into his wife as hard as he could, then stopped. It would be disrespectful to Kikyo if he made this all about Kagome. And it wouldn’t help him stop feeling so much. So he covered her mouth and bit his own lip, bringing her to orgasm as he quickly as he could, panicking when he was nowhere near close and he just wanted it to be over. He closed his eyes and tried to forget about Kikyo, about Kagome, about himself, and just concentrated on the sensations. It worked after a while, during which time he made his wife come yet again, and he collapsed next to her.

It was nice.

It was pleasant.

It was lacking.

“I love you, Kikyo,” he whispered into her ear, only realizing after he said it that he meant it. He didn’t have to force himself to work on his feelings because he did love Kikyo. He had likely never stopped. It had just lain dormant within him. It wasn’t the obsessive, possessive, overwhelming love he felt for Kagome, that twisted combination of a father’s love, a lover’s passion, and his most animalistic urges, but it was a deep tenderness and he could not deny its existence.

Kikyo might not have his heart, but she had him.

“Oh, Inuyasha. I had given up all hope of you loving me again,” she whispered, and she turned to cry in his arms. “Thank you, thank you. I love you so much.”

Tipping her chin up, he kissed her on the lips and rolled out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

He sighed. He knew he was being heartless and he hated it. “I’m sorry, Kikyo. I love you and everything, but I’m just not ready to sleep all night with you. I still need a little space. Nothing’s the matter, I just need to sleep alone.”

She nodded, the look of hurt on her face making him sick. “It’s alright, Inuyasha. Go ahead. I’ll win you over yet.”

He smiled at her in thanks and left the room for his own at the other end of the long hall. She shouldn’t have had a problem with him leaving to sleep by himself. They had always done so before. She had told him again and again that she could not sleep when another person was in the same bed. When he passed by Kagome’s room, Inuyasha almost stopped and entered. He got as far as his hand on the door knob before he shook his head and rushed to his own bed. What difference would rubbing it in her face make now? She was the one to reject him. He was done with being pathetic.

All the same, in the three hours it took him to fall into a restless, sweaty sleep, it was only those secret, stolen moments with Kagome that he could think about.