InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suicidal Hate ❯ Suicidal Hate ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha

''Dammit! Where is she?''

Inuyasha sat waiting impatiently for Kagome's return. She had left 2 days before and was supposed

to be back by late morning. It was almost dusk and Inuyasha's already thin patience was quickly

disappearing. He was just about to go through the well and drag her back by her ears, when

suddenly he smelled her.

''Finally!''

He dashed off in the direction of the well. When it came into view he skidded to a halt. Why was she

just sitting there?

''Kagome?''

She looked up, startled at the sound of his voice calling her name. She'd been sitting on the ground

with her back against the side of the well, deep in thought. Her face was red and tear stained, and

her eyes looked wild and frightened.

''Kagome, what's wrong?''

''Inuyasha, I'm so scared!''

She drew her knees in to her chest and cried into her arms. He was confused. Why was she crying?

What was she so afraid of? But he didn't stop to think. He ran to her and pulled her into his arms,

holding her close. He felt her body shake with the force of her sobs.

''What are you afraid of?''

She pulled away from his embrace and held onto one of her wrists. She paused for a moment, bit

her lower lip, and then pulled her uniform sleeve to her elbow, following suit with the other.

Inuyasha looked down at her outstretched arms and never expected to see what was there.

Covering her forearms from wrist to elbow, even going past where he could see to her upper arms,

were cuts and scratches. Some were scars. How long had she been doing this? He also saw new

ones and looked back up at her.

''That's why I was late today. I wanted them to heal a bit so you wouldn't know.''

''Kagome...''

She dove at him, burying her face in his chest.

''I'm so scared. I don't want to be like this. I just want to go back to the way I used to be!''

``You're hurting yourself. But...why?''

''Because it hurts too much. I miss him every day! I just want him to come back!''

That's right. Her father had died seven months prior.

'That's why I let her go in the first place. She said she was feeling upset and wanted to be home

and remember him.'

He knew how much this hurt her. He had stayed up late with her some nights, letting her cry her

eyes out on his shoulder. He knew she missed her father and her heart hurt. But causing herself

pain won't help. It'll just give her more.

''Kagome, don't do this. It won't make the hurting stop.''

''I can't help it; I just want it all to go away!''

He wanted to help her. He wanted to take everything away that hurt her and made her beautiful

smile disappear. But he knew she had to deal with this on her own.

''All I want is for him to be proud of me, but I doubt this is making him proud. He's only ashamed.

Everyone's always telling me how strong I've been, but this is only weakness. I'm being weak!''

That bothered him. 'How can she say she's weak? She's the strongest person I know.''

I'm sorry for making all my problems your own. This doesn't even matter to you. You don't care.''

''How can you think I don't care?''

''Because you don't seem to.''

''That's because I don't KNOW how.'' He didn't have the slightest idea how to show her he cared

about her.

''Can you save me from this? Will you...will you be my hero?''

Was she asking him to take all of her pain away? ''I can't do that. It's impossible.' She was asking

him to do something nobody could ever do, not just him. She wanted him to take all her grief and

despair away.

In a sad, quiet voice he answered, ''I can't do that.''

''Why?''

''Because this is something you have to get through on your own. If you can't deal with this, then

you might as well just kill yourself. I CAN'T be your hero!''

He let go of her and ran away.

As she watched him shrink away she could feel her heart constricting and blackness crept

into her mind.

'He really doesn't care. It doesn't MATTER to him whether I'm alive or dead. He said so himself.'

She started to cry again, this time from a new pain. She reached for the small blade in her

bag as tears raced down her cheeks.

'Inuyasha'

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'How can she think I don't care? Of course I do. But how can I show her? I shouldn't have

said that to her. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. Then I ran away. I should....'

A familiar and unwanted scent came to his nose. Blood. Kagome's blood.

''Kagome.''

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He hadn't known what she meant when she asked him to save her, and he never would. She hadn't

wanted him to make everything go away, just help help her deal with it. Help her by listening when

she needed someone to talk to. Just let her cry. Tell her everything would be alright, no matter what

was wrong. To try and make her smile when she felt sad. That's the kind of hero she needed. That's

how he could have showed her he cared. But it's too late now.

'She's gone, and it's all my fault.'