InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suppression ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Portions of this chapter were inspired by the song “Welcome to my Life” by Simple Plan

 

Chapter 3

 

Sesshoumaru sat under the tree, pondering the roots of his disturbing dreams. He realized that they had started right after he had come upon those men and that little girl. Is it because I killed them? I've killed humans before without incident. Sesshoumaru could kill with a smile, if he wished to smile, without an instant of remorse. He was a pro. That cannot be the problem and that little girl was unharmed so why…?

 

The demon lord sat and reflected upon that incident that had set all this in motion. He tried to remember the dreams, but nothing note worthy came to him. He remembered a set of stairs, a large field of tall grass and a place that smelled of water and mold, but none of these things in themselves seemed threatening to him. He sighed and put his head in his hand. I do not understand why I cannot remember more about those dreams. I am a demon, I should have perfect recall. As he sat there he realized that he really didn't remember much of his childhood either. There seemed to be large gaps missing and he furrowed his brows in concentration trying to fill in the blanks.

 

“Come and play,” a voice from the past spoke out in his mind.

 

Sesshoumaru's head snapped up and his heart picked up speed.

 

“See the new game, little one?”

 

The demon lord stood quickly, his eyes wide. What is that…where did this come from? He knew he had heard those words when he was small but for the life of him he could not remember who had said them or why he suddenly felt like he wanted to run and never stop.

 

<><><><><><><><>& lt;><><><><><><><><>< ><><><><><><><><><> ;<><><><><><><><><>&l t;><><><>

 

It was coming dusk when Inuyasha finally picked up the scent of his brother. He stopped, sniffing the air in confusion. Something was wrong. His brother's scent had the unmistakable air of nervousness surrounding it. He picked up speed, leaping from tree to tree thinking that perhaps his brother was in some kind of danger. What it was that could possibly be endangering to his almost invincible sibling he had no idea, but he felt the need to hurry.

 

Inuyasha? What is he doing here, Sesshoumaru thought, perplexed by the sudden scent of the hanyou. The demon lord turned just as something landed in front of him, descending from one of the many trees. Sesshoumaru's heart leapt into his throat. Father?! He took a step back and Inuyasha smelt the unmistakable odour of fear emanating off his brother, heavy like sweat.

 

What the hell? Inuyasha got into a defensive posture turning his head from side to side and sniffing the air trying to pick up the cause of his brother's distress. He pulled the Tetsusaiga from its sheath and allowed it to transform into its full size. He was so busy trying to figure out where the threat was coming from that he totally ignored his brother who was holding his chest and gasping for air.

 

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes tightly as he tried to bring a semblance of control back over himself. Realizing that it was his brother in front of him and not his dead father, he slowly relaxed. The pony tail that Inuyasha sported had confused the taiyoukai for a moment when the younger demon had landed so quickly in front of him. “Why are you wearing you're hair like that,” he demanded.

 

“What?” Inuyasha questioned still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He realized that the scent of fear was dissipating from his brother's aura. Was it me? Did I just frighten him?

 

Sesshoumaru, for reasons he couldn't understand, began to get angry, more than angry, he was furious. “Your hair, take it out of that tie,” he ordered with a snarl.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you? What's wrong with my hair and what the fuck do you care what it looks like?” Inuyasha put his sword away and glared at his brother.

 

Sesshoumaru stepped forward and grabbed at the band holding his brother's hair up in the style of their father's, pulling it from the hanyou's tresses. Inuyasha caught his wrist in a failed attempt to stop him. Soon the two demon siblings were grappling with one other.

 

Normally Sesshoumaru would have easily bested his younger and weaker sibling but he was not quite himself at the moment. Seeing his opportunity, Inuyasha attacked and got in a lucky shot, sending the demon hurling into the side of a large tree.

 

Sesshoumaru felt arms encircling him as Inuyasha tried to throw him to the ground so he could continue to pummel him. “I've got you now, you bastard,” Inuyasha growled out. Those words caused something to click in the demon lord's memory.

 

Sesshoumaru completely froze as the vision took hold of him:

 

Something was holding him tight and wouldn't let him go. He was struggling and begging to be set free. “I've got you now,” he heard a voice whisper in his ear, hot and sticky. “You like this, don't you?” And then there were large hands touching him in places he didn't want to be touched, making him wish those places didn't exist.

 

Inuyasha had just unknowingly pushed Sesshoumaru over the limit of stress of what his mind was able to handle at the moment and he felt his brother stiffen and then sag in his grip. He loosened his bear hug when he heard the demon lord whimper and smelled the scent of absolute terror spike in the air around him, making the hair on the nape of his neck stand up in empathic response.

 

“Sesshoumaru, what's wrong?” he asked completely releasing his sibling, his anger completely gone. He had never heard his brother whimper before. To say he was shocked would have been an understatement.

 

Sesshoumaru slumped to the ground trying to forget the ghostly feel of those hands on his body. His eyes were completely blank as he tried to push back this memory that he didn't want. His body responded to the over stimulation in a most peculiar way.

 

Inuyasha crouched down beside his brother and shook him by the shoulders. “Sesshoumaru, hey, what's with you?” he called out.

 

“Inuyasha - Hic. Let go of me - Hic,” the demon lord stated as he forced the vision from his mind.

 

Inuyasha released his shoulders and gawked at his brother in further amazement. Since when do demons get hiccups? the hanyou asked himself.

 

Sesshoumaru stood and began to walk away, feeling quite out of sorts and embarrassed that he couldn't stop hiccupping. The fight from just a few moments ago completely forgotten.

 

“Hey, where are you going?” Inuyasha asked, following along behind. What the hell is going on with him?

 

Sesshoumaru stopped and stood in confusion for a moment. “I do not - hic - know,” he finally answered then began to walk away again. As he walked along though the forest with his younger sibling tagging along behind, another memory surfaced for him. He remembered he used to get the hiccups a lot when he was younger and he also remembered what he used to do to get rid of them.

 

Totally ignoring Inuyasha, he soon found what he was looking for. He crawled under the low branches of the tall tree until he was completely hidden from view from the outside world. Instantly he was soothed and his hiccups stopped. He closed his eyes, further dissociating himself and slowly fell into a state of benumbed calm.

 

Inuyasha stood outside of Sesshoumaru's impromptu hiding place at a total loss. He couldn't understand what was causing his lordly brother to act in such a way. He sat on the ground and called out to his sibling but received no answer. The hanyou crept closer and pulled apart the branches to see his brother lying quietly on his side with his eyes closed.

 

“Go away,” Sesshoumaru stated icily before Inuyasha could ask him anything. He did not open his eyes. He was beginning to feel more like himself but just wanted to stay here for awhile longer. It was so peaceful and calming to his frayed nerves. He decided he had had enough of trying to remember things for now.

 

What difference does it make if I cannot remember my childhood? It has no bearing on me now. It is better not to think about it. He told himself. These dreams are just that, only dreams. They cannot hurt me so I have nothing to fear.

 

Sesshoumaru began to feel better and better the more he thought logically about it. After about forty minutes of lying unmoving under the tent of branches he opened his eyes and crept out. His brother was still there sitting across from where he was, his back against the tree he was sitting at.

 

Sesshoumaru stared coldly at the hanyou. “Why are you still here? I told you to leave.”

 

“Not until you tell me what the hell all that was about,” the hanyou returned. His earlier anger had given way to worry for his brother. Something was so totally off with the taiyoukai that there was no way Inuyasha was going to leave him alone. They may not be the best of friends, but Sesshoumaru was still his brother and he refused to abandon him in the midst of a problem.

 

“I owe you no explanation,” Sesshoumaru spat. The sky was getting quite dark and the stress of what had happened earlier began to catch up with the demon lord. He was tired and just wanted to be alone so he could relax and try to get some much needed sleep.

 

Sesshoumaru had always preferred to sleep alone. He hated knowing there were others around that could be watching him or maybe take advantage of him when he was unawares. This just caused him not to be able to sleep at all. He never worried about Rin or Jaken as they were absolutely no threat to him, but his brother was another matter.

 

“Maybe I could help,” Inuyasha offered quietly.

 

“I doubt that,” the demon lord answered haughtily. “Nor do I want your so called help.” Sesshoumaru was surprised his brother would even care about him and felt a bit touched that he was offering to help him with something the demon lord didn't even know how to deal with. He, of course, was not going to let Inuyasha know that, but he did stay his sword which he had been close to unsheathing.

 

Inuyasha scowled. “You've got real trust issues, you know that. I thought that...well…that we were getting along better,” the hanyou stated, looking down at the pebbles he was playing with in his fingers.

 

“Just because I have not tried to kill you in awhile does not mean that I am ready to embrace a halfling as my brother.”

 

“It always comes down to that shit with you doesn't it?” Inuyasha bit back, dashing the pebbles to the ground. “Well like it or not I am your brother so deal with it.” Inuyasha began to get really angry. He had had enough of Sesshoumaru's better than thou attitude. All of the pent up hurt and anger he had always felt about his brother's jeers came pouring forth from him.

 

“You've never had to feel out of place, like you just don't belong anywhere. You have no idea of what it's like to be me. Everyone is always pushing you around just because you're different. I didn't ask to be born this way. I'm sick of everyone trying to drag me down. I'm just as good as anyone, including you. You've had it lucky, everyone has always given you what you wanted. You've never had to work for it, it was always there.

 

Inuyasha had to stop. He had his hands fisted at his side and he was shaking in anger, tears of bitterness were stinging the back of his eyes. With a growl he turned and began to walk away. He'll never understand how hurt and lost I felt. Why did he leave me out in the dark? Dammit! The tears that had been threatening to fall slid slowly down his cheeks. I just want him to be my brother.

 

Sesshoumaru was a bit stunned by his brother's outburst and a new feeling began to course though him. Guilt. He was unsure of what the hanyou meant to him, but there was something there. He had had numerous opportunities to kill him if he had really wished it, but he had never followed though on them. He didn't even understand himself why he hadn't.

 

“Do not presume to know what my life was like,” he stated after the retreating back of his hanyou brother. I do not even know myself.

 

Inuyasha stopped and looked back over his shoulder, intending to say something scathing until he saw the lost look in his brother's eyes. He realized at that moment, that Sesshoumaru had just let his defensive attitude down and had exposed himself to him, even if it had been unwittingly.

 

“Well, maybe I would if you'd tell me,” Inuyasha returned.

 

Realizing what he had done, Sesshoumaru once again erected the walls of emotional ice around himself and stood staring blandly at his brother. The thought of having the hanyou know how frightened and weak he had begun to feel lately was more than he could bear. “I cannot,” he replied and turned his back on the half-demon.

 

“Fine then,” Inuyasha snarled and started back down the path towards his friends, completely missing the fact that his demon brother had said `cannot' instead of `will not'.

 

Sesshoumaru continued in the opposite direction heading for one of his old campsites. It occurred to him that it wasn't that he didn't want Inuyasha to know about him. No, it was something else. It was because there was so much he couldn't recall. How do you tell someone you do not remember your life? He would never believe me. Besides, those that get close to you can hurt you. Sesshoumaru didn't know why he held this philosophy close to his heart, but he did know that hidden somewhere in his dreams was the reason why he could never have the luxury of trust. `