InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suppression ❯ Chapter 9 ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter 9

 

Inuyasha sat by the morning fire and watched as his brother tied his yellow and blue obi in an extremely elaborate knot. He was more than impressed he was able to do it with one hand. “That's a pretty intricate knot,” the hanyou stated.

 

“It does its job,” Sesshoumaru replied matter of factly.

 

“Yeah, well so does mine but at least I can figure out how to untie it,” the hanyou joked.

 

Sesshoumaru finished dressing and began to leave. He did not tell his sibling that the purpose behind that knot was so others could not untie it unless they knew the trick. It had been something he had taught himself a long time ago. He had had a hard time relearning the tie with the use of only one hand, but after much practice and patience, he was able to keep his kimono belted tightly shut. The demon lord now knew why he had been so determined to make sure his obi was secured. Subconsciously, his mind wanted a way to control his father from being able to strip him of his clothing so easily.

 

“Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha called out to stop his brother from leaving, his joking manner gone. “About last night…”

 

“I told you not to fret about it.” Sesshoumaru again turned to leave expecting his brother to follow.

.

 

“I'm going back to the village,” Inuyasha stated. “I need to check on my friends. We need to continue to find the shards.” I'm such a coward, the hanyou thought. His real reason was that he was finding it hard to deal with what he had done, what he had wanted to do with his own brother…what he still wanted to do. “You seem to be doing better and…well…”

 

“I see,” Sesshoumaru returned, keeping his voice steady. I knew this day would come when he would leave. “I should return to the Western Lands as well.”

 

“You'll be alright?” Inuyasha asked as feelings of guilt washed over him.

 

“I will be fine. As you say, I am doing better...Goodbye, Inuyasha.” Sesshoumaru walked out the door and into the forest.

 

Damn! Damn it to hell!! Inuyasha fisted his hands by his side. He didn't want to leave it this way. He had the feeling that he had just hurt his brother in some way, even though Sesshoumaru had shown no emotion whatsoever. How does he do that? How can he hold everything in like that? The half-demon sighed dejectedly and then left the cave as well to head back home.

 

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Sesshoumaru stood on the hill overlooking his father's castle, his castle now. He dreaded entering it. The closer he had gotten to home, the more nervous he had become. Small bits of memories came and flitted away like dragonflies, never settling long enough for him to see them clearly. What more could I have to remember? The taiyoukai thought as he started down the hill towards his home.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama!” Rin cried out happily when the taiyoukai entered the castle. The small child came running down the hall and stopped just short of running into the demon. She bowed respectfully and then looked up at her adoptive father with a happy smile on her face. “Welcome home.”

 

“Thank you, Rin,” the demon lord smiled gently. He placed his hand on the top of her head causing the little girls face to brighten even more.

 

“Will we be leaving soon?” the child asked as she followed her lord towards his room.

 

“Soon. Where is Jaken?” he asked the child.

 

“Ummm, I think he's in the kitchen. I'll go tell him you're back.” The little dark haired girl ran off.

 

Sesshoumaru watched her go and then continued down the hallway to the stairway that led up to his private apartments. He stopped at the bottom, looking up.

 

The stairway went straight up for ten steps and then turned at a ninety degree angle before continuing for another twelve steps. A memory was pressing itself on him about the alcove that was at that ninety degree turn. It was just dark enough there that a person could hide by pressing themselves against the wall.

 

Sesshoumaru was remembering the many times he had raced up the stairs as a child, hoping against hope to get past that area quickly without getting caught. He never knew when father would be there to grab him, this being one of his father's favourite “games”.

 

Once, when Sesshoumaru had been five, his father had captured him. He'd gripped the top of the boys head with one hand and lifted him up with the other right below his scrotum, his fingers touching and fondling, holding him aloft with his small feet just touching the stair treads.

 

Sesshoumaru shook the vision away and then walked up the first six steps before breaking out in a sweat. He took a quick look around to make sure no one was about to see him and then ran the rest of the way until he reached the top. He stopped and took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself before he went into his bedroom.

 

It actually was a guest room that he had taken over. He had closed off his father's room; many thought in deference to the deceased. But, he wouldn't stay in his childhood room. There were some that had wondered why the taiyoukai had chosen the small guest room over his own much larger one, but none would ever dare to question him about it. Sesshoumaru now knew why he had always been loath to go into either room. Many things, things his subconscious had wanted to shut out, had happened in those two rooms.

 

He removed his armour, and changed into a light yukata and then sat on the futon in his room. He held his head in his hand, trying to push back the images that kept inundating him. At the moment he wanted nothing more than to leave this place and never return. No wonder I was always uncomfortable in the castle, always trekking, never wanting to be here for long.

 

Sesshoumaru steeled his features and his resolve, I must face this. I will run away no longer. He would stay for awhile and deal with these memories, visions and dreams. He would get it all out of his system so he could rid himself of the fear and shame that lived in his heart.

 

I wish…Inuyasha were here, he thought with a sigh. The presence of his brother had soothed and calmed him but now, on his own, he was feeling edgy and nervous. I should have remembered to never count on another. With or without him, I will beat this. He stood and headed down to the dining hall. It was almost time for the evening meal and he wanted to tuck Rin into bed after eating before turning in himself. He wanted to make sure he was well rested so he could take on these memories in the morning.